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Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

November 01, 2022 / 01:05:05

This episode features Zoe McBride, a three-time world champion rower, discussing her journey with mental health, weight obsession, and the decision to prioritize her well-being over Olympic aspirations.

Zoe shares her experiences leading up to the Tokyo Olympics, where she and her partner Jackie Kettle were expected to medal. However, after struggling with mental health issues and injuries, Zoe made the difficult choice to withdraw from the competition to focus on her health.

She reflects on the pressures of being a lightweight rower, the impact of societal expectations on athletes, and the importance of seeking help. Zoe emphasizes the need for open conversations about mental health in sports.

The episode also touches on her transition from rowing to studying psychology, aiming to help others navigate similar challenges. Zoe's story serves as a reminder of the importance of self-care and the complexities of athlete identity.

Listeners gain insight into the emotional toll of competitive sports and the significance of prioritizing mental health over accolades.

TL;DR

Zoe McBride discusses her decision to prioritize mental health over Olympic dreams, sharing her struggles with weight and pressure in rowing.

Episode

1:05:05

00:00:00

hi there and welcome to this episode of

00:00:02

Runners only with dom Harvey coming up

00:00:04

Zoe McBride yeah I talked to them a

00:00:07

little bit but then it was also hard so

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I was like I knew that they were so

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excited for me to go to the Olympics and

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I knew how much like I knew how proud of

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me they would be and so I found it hard

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to talk to family because I was like I

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don't want to disappoint them this is an

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unreal story this morning I can't thank

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Zoe enough for sharing it with me Zoe

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McBride was a three-time world champion

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for rowing but that success came at a

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huge personal toll physically first in

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the form of an obsession with her weight

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then mentally and it all came to a hit

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in April last year when Zoe and her

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rowing partner Jackie Kettle were

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gearing up for the Tokyo Olympic games

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where a medal was almost a certainty

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they never made it to the Olympics

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though because after endless months of

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wrestling with demons Zoe made the call

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to put her physical and mental health

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first a move that crushed not only her

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own Olympic dream but Jackie's as well

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this is the incredible story of Zoe

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McBride the rower who could have had a

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gold medal but decided to put her mental

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health first let's go

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fast paced slow and steady anyway you

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coming up just wanna connect for

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everyone who loves running this is

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[Music]

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[Music]

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Runners only with dom Harvey and Zoe

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McBride hello Hi how are you you're good

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good you ready to place a run in there

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um get in there what do you mean getting

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there I I enjoy running I actually love

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running I've always loved it um post

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rolling has definitely been my time to

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get running back in my life it's been a

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little bit up and down

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I guess post Rowan and posts I guess the

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health kind of things my body went

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through I can't handle a huge load just

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with my bones and things right it's kind

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of like building that up but running is

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what gives me a lot of enjoyment and

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satisfaction so we get in there

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physically mentally or both mentally

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yeah and physically to be honest like I

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I think from coming from being an

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athlete like I love pushing my body and

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I guess running is one of those things

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where it's it's just you and your body

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you just need a pair of shoes and you

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can run anywhere and that's what I

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always found after regattas and

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competitions like if I was

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cross-training running is easy to do

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everywhere then pretty much every sport

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is easy to do compared to Rowan

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is not a sport that you can just yeah

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jump on when you're on holiday

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um with these well

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um thanks so much for joining me on on

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the podcast how do you know what are you

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now how old are you I'm 27 September

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27th you were the world champion by the

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age of 20. you won three World titles

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um when did you start rowing I started

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rolling year nine so I was about 13 yeah

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when I took it up first year of high

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school right why

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yeah I grew up like I did I did so many

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sports and definitely the Olympics was

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probably the first 2008 Olympics I

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remember seeing Ryan on the TV I

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remember the ever sundials race and then

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also my hair Drysdale where he raced the

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bronze when he was like severely sick

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but the main thing I remember that was

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just how did Rowan work like I could see

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them like coming going up and down the

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boat with these oars and things and just

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I guess figuring out how it worked what

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do you mean what do you mean how it

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worked I honestly like was I don't know

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what used how they were like on how they

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were going backwards and fours like I

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didn't know if they were sliding on

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their bums like I didn't know that they

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had seats in the boat it was just like

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it kind of fascinated me I think a lot

00:03:44

of sports were looked quite simple I'd

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played them and Rowan was just yeah I'd

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never really been exposed to it

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um how does it work are you sliding on

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your bum no not in conventional rain

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there's some rowing that you do I think

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Surf Boat Ryan yeah put your budgies

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we're on it's like there's two slides

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and then you're on a seat with wheels on

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it so you're basically rolling up and

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down the slide on the seat

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um yeah with your feet strapped in to

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hold you in place how hard is it like to

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balance that boat is it surprisingly

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difficult yeah it is my first year I

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could not stay in a boat the club prize

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giving that yeah I won the best swimmer

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of the club because I fell out so many

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times

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um yeah I wasn't I wasn't a natural

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rower I guess I think that's probably

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what made me stick at it though because

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I wanted to be good at it and not being

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good at it not being good at it was

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um more annoying to me so you start when

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you're 13 when did you realize that you

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had sort of some potential or something

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um

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pretty early on we like we were really

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involved in the school racing and twice

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we're being so close we're headed down

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to every river ghetto we could

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um and

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we managed to find a double that clicked

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really well like there was only two of

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us at our school but we managed to make

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a combination that started to go fast in

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our first year we won

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um we got a third in the under 15 double

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at Nationals which was pretty cool the

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school Nationals and then I moved into

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the single the following year and it

00:05:20

just seemed to move and I seemed to be

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producing good results and I think from

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there

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I just yeah I just kind of keep going

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and the training that I was doing

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just yeah was paying off and I seem to

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be performing so you start winning so

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you get a taste of that success yeah and

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then you just want more and more is that

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sort of yeah yeah pretty much I think

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for me it was kind of saying how fast I

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could go and I was I actually never

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thought of I think yeah and races I just

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tried to push myself as hard as I could

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and I felt like I kept having more that

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I could give or each year we just

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trained a little bit harder we trained a

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little bit smarter and I would improve

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so it was

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kind of like an addiction to improving I

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guess and seeing how fast I could go so

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the double that you're talking about

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that's sort of like what um Eric Murray

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and ham responded uh

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rather than one or two or two orders

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right but yeah the double is kind of so

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confusing there's so many different

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there's so many combinations yeah but

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two Aussie it's two like smaller oars

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um

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and yeah it's I mean the peers

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definitely the what Eric Murray did

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that's definitely harder to Rye I would

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say because you've got one or each

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person and that Dynamic has to be have

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to click really well but yeah for the

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double we just jumped in together and it

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seemed to go you were doing a thing

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called lightweight is that right yeah

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and what does that mean exactly so

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lightweight rowing is to race you have

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to be a certain race weight basically

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the crew average

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um for the double it's 57 kgs and then

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the single is 59 kgs okay so there's two

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of you on the double so you're allowed

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like a combined weight of 114. so it's a

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crew average of 57 kgs right yeah so

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you know I could be

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59 kgs but my doubles partner would have

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to be 55 kgs and 59 59 was the maximum

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weight you could be as a lightweight but

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you could as long as the crew average

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was 57 you could kind of play around but

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I mean at that weight there's not a lot

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to play around with anyway they um they

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still have that at school

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no they took it out that seems it seems

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mad yeah it was wild it came in I think

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the second or third GI was rowing so we

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did race it a few times

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um but they took it out a few years ago

00:07:36

because it just I mean basically

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encouraging pretty obvious yeah that

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it's encouraging like disordered

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behaviors and I remember even when I was

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at school like some girls dieting that

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were

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you know about 14 15 years old and so

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I'm really glad that they did make that

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very smart decision to take it out what

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was your your sort of natural weight at

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high school I mean yeah I would say it

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was yeah I mean it High School it was 59

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kgs they didn't push you down to the 57

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but yeah I I mean I was young I didn't

00:08:07

pay much attention to my weight but yeah

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I was around that weight yeah easily so

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but so you weren't

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you didn't have like in a position with

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the scales and weighing yourself through

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High School

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oh are you still dead I like I

00:08:19

definitely weighed myself like more than

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I would have if I wasn't lightweight

00:08:23

Ryan because I did have to be aware of

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it but I didn't like dye it down to it I

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didn't manipulate my weight in any way

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it was kind of like jump on like sweet

00:08:32

it'll be we're racing kind of thing um

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and you didn't sort of go without any

00:08:37

things for your high school years in

00:08:38

terms of yeah like McDonald's in the

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weekend or k-fried or

00:08:44

I felt that was a serious athlete part

00:08:46

of me like

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you know

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exactly I yeah I took it quite seriously

00:08:56

when I was young so I would say it was

00:08:59

probably more my serious attitude rather

00:09:01

than the lightweight but it could have

00:09:02

influenced yeah so you leave school and

00:09:05

then um you're the world champion at 20.

00:09:08

where was that Verizon Italy right yeah

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you've got to go to some cool

00:09:12

places didn't you yeah yeah no I yeah

00:09:14

looking back on it now like it's

00:09:16

incredible the countries that we went to

00:09:18

there's a lot of things it's pretty cool

00:09:20

like it's a pretty cool way to see the

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world so we set up the world champion at

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20 was that a single thing or was that a

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double yeah okay no that was actually

00:09:26

France that was that was the single so I

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did not France at least

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all the places I think okay he's so

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confused yeah so there was a couple of

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like under 20 there was under 23 year

00:09:37

prior to that but yeah that was in the

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single the lightweight single so that

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was a non-olympic boat class but um yeah

00:09:43

it was at the world Champs and things

00:09:45

how could that feel it was pretty cool

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it was pretty surreal

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um that year I was lucky enough to do

00:09:51

the under 23 double and then do the

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single as well and for me like being the

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first year of a late set was kind of and

00:09:58

being in the single like I loved the

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single because I spent so much time in

00:10:01

it through school

00:10:03

um being a small school so it was pretty

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cool just to

00:10:06

yeah have the opportunity to race and I

00:10:08

remember racing against you know like

00:10:10

second third fourth were in their 30s

00:10:12

and so I didn't really have these huge

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expectations

00:10:16

um and yeah I remember it just being a

00:10:19

really cool race like I was Bloody

00:10:21

nervous but um yeah to grow and travel

00:10:24

for three months as well like that was

00:10:25

my first proper tour it felt quite

00:10:27

surreal to be in that experience like

00:10:29

yeah so young

00:10:31

that's amazing you say you're so nervous

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did these you have nerves like good

00:10:36

nerves or bad nerves before a big event

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um you know what I mean yeah

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it was it was like a little bit too many

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nerves um like how long beforehand a

00:10:48

couple of days

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like in school I used to like we used to

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be driving up and I'd almost like wish

00:10:55

that the wind would come up so it'd be

00:10:57

cancer Rising like I don't know I put I

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put a lot of pressure on myself when I

00:11:01

was younger and I think because I was

00:11:03

quite successful from being at a young

00:11:05

age like it just it added that pressure

00:11:07

yeah um but yeah by the time I got

00:11:09

overseas it was kind of like the day of

00:11:11

stress but I think like a lot of things

00:11:14

once you start warming up once you get

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into your processes like getting on the

00:11:18

water then the nerves would go away a

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bit more it was kind of just

00:11:21

anticipating what was coming

00:11:24

um why because

00:11:25

um just like fear of failure or fear of

00:11:28

not living up to your potential or yeah

00:11:30

I I was quite driven by fear of failure

00:11:33

I think I yeah like I said I put really

00:11:36

high expectations on myself and then

00:11:39

um I guess through World rowing like I

00:11:41

there was obviously like my first

00:11:43

forgetter is

00:11:45

um in the elite group in the single I

00:11:46

set the world record and so there was a

00:11:48

lot of expectation on there wow and I

00:11:51

wasn't quite at the age where I was able

00:11:54

to like deal with the expectations so I

00:11:56

felt the pressure from others a lot and

00:11:58

then they added to my own expectation so

00:12:00

yeah it was a fear of failure and then I

00:12:03

guess before I was actually on the water

00:12:04

like I just felt out of control because

00:12:06

I didn't like once I was on the water I

00:12:08

had those things like I could control my

00:12:10

warm-up I could control control

00:12:13

um yeah the time frame that I got on the

00:12:14

water or what I was eating and things

00:12:16

like that but yeah that morning of

00:12:18

you've got your

00:12:20

pre-rise routine but before that it's a

00:12:22

little bit yeah just hectic oh I can't

00:12:25

even begin to admit I'm the same with

00:12:26

them running events I'm not even a very

00:12:28

good runner like I'm I'm not going to

00:12:30

win any races I'm not going to send any

00:12:31

world records but I'll line up for an

00:12:33

event and I'll be I'll be on the Casper

00:12:36

vomiting beforehand and then as soon as

00:12:37

you start running and doing yeah what

00:12:39

you train for it's fine so yeah I cannot

00:12:42

imagine the pressure and the stress and

00:12:44

the anxiety of dealing with being that

00:12:47

good at that age it's good but it's a

00:12:50

lot yeah like it helps drive you I think

00:12:53

like the pressure is good to a point but

00:12:55

then obviously when it gets to the point

00:12:56

where it debilitates you then it's yeah

00:12:59

not not super helpful anymore some

00:13:00

people thrive on that stuff over yeah

00:13:02

Roth over it yeah like I did at the same

00:13:05

time I loved the pressure like and even

00:13:07

now I feel like I perform the best when

00:13:09

I am under pressure because there's no

00:13:11

time to kind of muck around or yeah so

00:13:14

you leave school and you have all the

00:13:16

success and then you're in your in your

00:13:17

20s when do you start because you're

00:13:19

still doing the lightweight thing where

00:13:21

you've got to be like 57 kilos yeah when

00:13:23

does your weight start becoming like an

00:13:24

issue

00:13:26

um

00:13:27

like looking

00:13:28

back on it it's hard to

00:13:32

say

00:13:33

2017 was the year that I moved from the

00:13:36

single into the double so

00:13:38

um that weight went from 59 to 57 kgs

00:13:42

which doesn't sound like a lot but at

00:13:45

that same time I was probably

00:13:47

like

00:13:48

23 ish so I feel like that was like

00:13:52

along with my body kind of changing or

00:13:55

yeah been under dieting and kind of

00:13:57

weight restriction for a while so yeah

00:13:59

2017 was when I moved into the double

00:14:02

and that year was actually okay but it

00:14:04

was the year afterwards that I started

00:14:06

to get injuries and I hadn't been

00:14:07

injured up to that point and then the

00:14:09

off Seasons I would notice my weight

00:14:11

would bounce up quite a lot more than it

00:14:14

used to and so I guess that's when yeah

00:14:16

the stress and the more focused kind of

00:14:19

intensified yeah when you say you wait

00:14:21

you write about something off season

00:14:22

um like how much like early 60s yes I

00:14:25

would I was still not aware what are you

00:14:29

now you're sitting in front of me now

00:14:30

you look very healthy I'm probably like

00:14:31

65 right yeah right that's like a good

00:14:35

natural way for you okay yeah and I mean

00:14:37

like early 60s

00:14:39

like it's not like that was still

00:14:42

probably not a super healthy weight for

00:14:43

me at the time like it still could have

00:14:44

gone higher but for me and I was so

00:14:47

hyper fixated on the weight and the like

00:14:50

the higher my weight went The more

00:14:51

stress I had because then I had to think

00:14:53

about more weight losing and kind of

00:14:55

plan more weight into it and so it was

00:14:58

very much like a control thing for me

00:14:59

and I hated that it would increase more

00:15:02

than I had allowed it to in my mind

00:15:04

which is crazy that I thought that I

00:15:07

could control what my weight was going

00:15:08

to do and what my body was wanting to do

00:15:11

um but that's yeah that's what I thought

00:15:12

so you're just obsessing about food all

00:15:14

the time

00:15:15

yeah it was Obsession obsessing about

00:15:17

photosystem about weight like obsessing

00:15:19

over the scales and like even like to

00:15:22

the point where I was I would look at my

00:15:23

calories like post roll and think if I

00:15:26

burnt enough calories

00:15:28

um

00:15:28

enough calories I'd sit in my mind that

00:15:30

was an ideal amount

00:15:32

um deciding if I'd bike to trainings or

00:15:34

not that afternoon

00:15:36

um depending on the workload yeah I got

00:15:37

it differently infiltrated like most

00:15:40

areas of my life and how often are you

00:15:42

weighing yourself like every couple of

00:15:43

days

00:15:45

um there was a point that I would weigh

00:15:46

myself like morning post row and then

00:15:50

afternoon evening as well like it got

00:15:52

there was a while that yeah it was a lot

00:15:55

and then I think probably 2018

00:15:59

I got a little bit injured so I had time

00:16:01

off the bike and was a little bit

00:16:02

heavier for a while and then I just

00:16:04

completely avoided the scales like I

00:16:05

became scared of the scales and so then

00:16:07

that was like oh because you didn't want

00:16:09

to see the number because you knew it

00:16:11

wasn't yeah like if I didn't say the

00:16:12

number then I didn't have to deal with

00:16:13

it like I kind of went from your hyper

00:16:16

fixation to almost like avoidance

00:16:18

um yeah but you're avoiding it but you

00:16:20

also I was stressing about it and I was

00:16:22

curious about what I needed to do but I

00:16:24

was avoiding that because I don't know

00:16:26

it's like anything like if oh this is

00:16:28

like I'm sorry this is such a stressful

00:16:30

story what a way to Olivia were your

00:16:32

parents worried about you yes ah yeah I

00:16:36

think the issue was like they didn't

00:16:37

actually live with me like they were

00:16:40

down they were living down in Dunedin at

00:16:42

that point and I was up in Cambridge and

00:16:44

yeah I think everyone kind of knew that

00:16:47

lightweight was a bit of a struggle but

00:16:50

yeah like it's something that I was

00:16:52

doing I was successful and it was like

00:16:53

important for me to keep rolling so I

00:16:55

didn't want people to know as well like

00:16:57

what I like how I was struggling did you

00:17:00

like have a bit of guilt and shame I

00:17:01

guess yeah yeah yeah definitely and I

00:17:04

think

00:17:05

yeah like I wasn't stoked with what was

00:17:08

happening but for me I was like this is

00:17:10

the only way I can keep going and Rowing

00:17:12

and there was kind of no other option in

00:17:14

my mind and so I just to get to the

00:17:17

Olympics and to kind of keep going I

00:17:18

just had to keep doing the same thing

00:17:20

and yeah I was worried that if someone

00:17:22

kind of I'd talk to someone about it

00:17:24

then they would stop me and then it

00:17:27

would derail everything like it was I

00:17:29

guess it's like that Obsession that I

00:17:32

don't know and I feel like a lot of

00:17:33

people

00:17:34

like ambitious athletes and things like

00:17:36

you'll do anything to get to the top and

00:17:38

to keep going and I kind of took it a

00:17:40

bit far do you know um the Flanigan

00:17:42

sisters you know two raw sisters yeah I

00:17:44

had Rose Rosa on the podcast yeah

00:17:46

there's so many parallels with your

00:17:48

story and hers yeah absolutely she was

00:17:50

on land not water but um same sort of

00:17:52

thing yeah exactly and it I think it's

00:17:54

really hard like

00:17:56

it's it's not like a definitive line

00:17:59

like I feel like with so many things

00:18:01

you'd think like if I have a problem

00:18:03

I'll know and and the more you kind of

00:18:06

keep going you keep pushing that bar

00:18:08

back a little bit and you just yeah you

00:18:10

can kind of just fool yourself a little

00:18:11

bit because it's not it's not like black

00:18:14

and white it doesn't happen tomorrow

00:18:15

it's really really slow progression yeah

00:18:18

so did what what foods did you enjoy or

00:18:21

did you if you had food that you enjoyed

00:18:23

did you just feel like riddled with

00:18:25

guilt afterwards

00:18:27

I would try like not have foods that I

00:18:31

enjoyed

00:18:33

you must realize how up that

00:18:36

sounds yeah 100 like I it was brutal it

00:18:41

wasn't

00:18:42

yeah I think I like I do I definitely

00:18:44

wasn't didn't feel like myself you know

00:18:47

but I yeah so I would try not to have

00:18:50

foods that I enjoyed that much but when

00:18:51

I would I would kind of overdo it as

00:18:53

well so then I would feel guilty yeah it

00:18:56

wasn't like a balanced lifestyle yeah

00:18:58

what what foods did you enjoy obviously

00:19:01

like chocolate pizza burgers

00:19:04

I don't know just in as far what my body

00:19:06

needed like the fatty foods actually

00:19:09

craving as well for sure um I don't know

00:19:11

lava I have definitely have a sweet

00:19:13

tooth but oh don't we also don't we all

00:19:16

so um so so your big goal was the um the

00:19:20

Tokyo Olympic Games yeah it was yeah so

00:19:21

it was a couple of years ago and you

00:19:22

were partner on the doubles with um

00:19:24

Jackie Kettle yeah well first of all

00:19:26

before anything like so you talk about

00:19:28

this lightweight thing is it not like a

00:19:30

heavier class that you could have gone

00:19:31

into yeah there is right yeah yeah

00:19:34

why couldn't you do that like I could

00:19:37

have and I mean in 2017 I at Nationals I

00:19:40

won the Prem single I won yeah I won the

00:19:43

lightweight single and the Prem single

00:19:44

so I was like absolutely competitive in

00:19:46

it and I I'm sure I could have done it I

00:19:49

did consider it a few times but I think

00:19:51

I had been on that lightweight Journey

00:19:53

so I wanted to kind of keep going and

00:19:56

I'd almost like made that Mark and I'd

00:19:58

got to the point where I got the world

00:20:00

record I'd done the under 23 thing the

00:20:02

the lightweight single and then getting

00:20:04

into the double and the Olympics would

00:20:06

kind of just like I'd have done the

00:20:08

whole lightweight yeah

00:20:09

yeah like I would have yeah I would have

00:20:12

got them all I guess

00:20:13

um like Pokemons yeah

00:20:16

yeah I think it was there and then it

00:20:19

was also like fear of like if I was

00:20:22

gonna go into the other boats yeah like

00:20:26

at that point I was like didn't have a

00:20:28

great perception of my body and

00:20:30

um I was yeah fearful of like putting on

00:20:32

weight as well it's quite silly thinking

00:20:34

about it now but um

00:20:36

yeah I think I just wanted to finish

00:20:39

yeah sure lightweight yeah okay so so

00:20:41

you and you and Jackie how does the sort

00:20:44

of um partnership form like how do you

00:20:45

team up with a partner for the doubles

00:20:47

yeah so we have trials every year

00:20:50

um and that starts with the 2K ERG test

00:20:52

and a squash court with the selectors

00:20:54

watching you behind the glass screen uh

00:20:58

a coach behind you with a spew bin and

00:21:00

then a fan in front of you it's great

00:21:02

it's a great setup well so two

00:21:05

kilometers on the um yeah how long does

00:21:09

that take

00:21:10

um my PB is 656. so that's just like

00:21:13

absolute balls to the wall for seven

00:21:15

minutes yeah the first 250 meters you're

00:21:18

like no I got this and then about 350

00:21:21

and you're like okay I'm starting to

00:21:22

hurt right

00:21:24

get used

00:21:27

um I haven't used it to be honest but

00:21:29

yeah a lot of you had nothing to throw

00:21:30

up yeah a lot of people will manage to

00:21:34

get themselves outside and then lie on

00:21:36

the grass potentially spew there for a

00:21:38

while

00:21:39

if you weren't involved in the rowing

00:21:42

program you'd think it was some weird

00:21:44

type of torture you're not painting a

00:21:47

great picture of the sport I have to say

00:21:48

okay so you have the 2K test and then

00:21:52

it's like seat racing on the water so

00:21:53

seat racing is depending on how many

00:21:56

people you've got like sometimes we had

00:21:58

a few of us sometimes that was just like

00:22:00

Jackie and I trial in in the later years

00:22:01

but basically they'll go each morning

00:22:04

they'll give you Crow combinations

00:22:07

they'll tell you who's going out in the

00:22:08

water and they'll especially in a double

00:22:10

there's might be four people racing

00:22:11

they'll have X person X person together

00:22:14

you guys will race 1500 meters and then

00:22:17

you have a bit of a break you'll swap

00:22:18

Partners kind of thing they're just

00:22:20

trying to find the fastest combination

00:22:21

yeah like the Gap that has the biggest

00:22:24

lead

00:22:25

um and yeah so Jackie and I in 2017

00:22:30

yeah got seat racing down a good 2k time

00:22:34

and yeah we were putting the double

00:22:36

selected in the double so it's like an

00:22:38

arranged arranged relationship in a way

00:22:40

personality type doesn't come into it at

00:22:43

all it's just how fast you are yeah it's

00:22:45

solely performance on the water yeah I

00:22:48

think what if you hate the person

00:22:50

you just gotta get on with it I guess

00:22:52

it's like you're working acquaintance

00:22:54

like you don't need to love them but I

00:22:56

said get on them yeah just make it work

00:22:58

a good relationship definitely helps

00:23:00

though because then you're spending a

00:23:01

lot you can't discuss the hard things as

00:23:03

well yeah without yeah and you guys got

00:23:06

on good yeah we did yeah weird Road

00:23:09

together in central RPC before

00:23:12

um like yeah the regional performance

00:23:13

center when we're a bit younger and

00:23:15

we're done under 23s together as well in

00:23:16

2015 had a bit of a break so we'd

00:23:19

already like established a yeah a

00:23:21

connection and things so I mean how was

00:23:24

um how was her relationship with um with

00:23:26

food and the weight thing is that

00:23:28

something you've discussed always

00:23:28

honestly not something that we discussed

00:23:30

for a really long time I think it was

00:23:32

yeah I don't know you just you never

00:23:35

really talked about I guess it's that

00:23:37

whole mentality of like wanting to be

00:23:39

tough and not wanting I guess it's like

00:23:41

yeah it was kind of like the mental

00:23:42

health kind of yeah not wanting to show

00:23:45

weakness and I think and your sport as

00:23:47

well you don't want to have a weakness

00:23:49

and so it was and often talked about

00:23:51

sometimes we'd yeah talk about it a

00:23:53

little bit over the years as it was

00:23:55

getting closer away in times but

00:23:57

predominantly throughout the year you

00:23:58

just kind of got on with it so it's 2017

00:24:02

and you're rowing together when when

00:24:03

does it become clear to the peer review

00:24:06

that the Olympics are the big goal and

00:24:08

that you guys were a real hope

00:24:13

trial for the double along with Julia

00:24:16

and Sophie who were selected in the

00:24:18

double

00:24:19

um and from the end of the trial we were

00:24:21

both unsuccessful like we were pretty

00:24:23

upset and we kind of knew that we both

00:24:26

wanted to go to the Olympics in Tokyo so

00:24:29

I guess from there and even be like even

00:24:31

before that you always dream of going to

00:24:33

the Olympics but yeah from being

00:24:34

selected in the double and then we went

00:24:37

over to World Cups and we started you

00:24:39

know we started performing we got silver

00:24:41

at the world Champs in 2017 so we're

00:24:44

like we're actually competitive and this

00:24:45

is like realistic for us to yeah so you

00:24:48

got there you guys weren't weren't going

00:24:50

to make up numbers were you you're like

00:24:51

you you would have been a real shot yeah

00:24:54

definitely yeah

00:24:56

that's a lot of pressure though

00:24:58

isn't it yeah it is and there's like

00:25:00

there hasn't been many lightweights in

00:25:01

the program and from like there wasn't

00:25:04

back up for us either like Julia and

00:25:06

Sophie both stopped rowing after Rio

00:25:09

um and so there was

00:25:11

yeah there wasn't the depth like there

00:25:14

had been in some other squads um or even

00:25:16

with lightweight rollers overseas so

00:25:18

that was another pressure of kind of

00:25:19

like if something goes wrong like

00:25:21

there's no one there to take your spot

00:25:23

in some ways like what to keep the boat

00:25:24

going at like the level that we'd sited

00:25:27

at so this is um the Tokyo Olympics

00:25:29

we're talking about they were supposed

00:25:30

to be in

00:25:31

2020 2020 yeah and then uh due to covert

00:25:34

postponed to 2021 yeah yeah so when

00:25:37

when's the point where you get we where

00:25:39

you start to think this this

00:25:41

sucks and I can't do this for another

00:25:42

year or two years or whatever uh yeah so

00:25:45

it wasn't until the postponement that it

00:25:47

was kind of

00:25:48

um

00:25:49

more of that thought in my mind I mean

00:25:51

end of 2019 I knew that it was going to

00:25:55

be a push to get there but like there

00:25:57

wasn't an alternative of not going

00:26:00

um and so I had I was like too late to

00:26:02

pull out at that point if the if they

00:26:03

were going to go ahead is oh like not

00:26:04

even too late but I was just like

00:26:06

there's no way that I'm not going to the

00:26:07

Olympics like I was still yeah I was I'd

00:26:10

been working for that for so long and to

00:26:12

be less than a year away yeah like even

00:26:15

before they're never considered to me

00:26:16

that I it was never an option that I

00:26:18

wouldn't go

00:26:20

um and it was kind of more like you just

00:26:21

hang in you do what you got to do and

00:26:23

then afterwards deal with whatever's

00:26:25

going on okay so so then um covert comes

00:26:28

along and it's postponed well I suppose

00:26:30

it's even up in the year at that point

00:26:31

we didn't know if it was going to be

00:26:32

postponed right yeah so they they did

00:26:35

announce like the Clover came along it

00:26:37

took a while to announce postponement it

00:26:38

wasn't too long but even that like they

00:26:42

say it was postponed a year but you're

00:26:43

like is what is the world going to be

00:26:45

like in a year like yeah actually like

00:26:47

it's actually feasible to hold the

00:26:48

Olympics hours yeah it was up in the air

00:26:51

for a really long time whether that

00:26:53

postponement date would actually go

00:26:54

ahead so all this time I'm guessing you

00:26:55

were you were wrestling in your own mind

00:26:57

like with your own demons about whether

00:26:59

you keep going if this thing that you're

00:27:02

supremely talented it yeah or whether

00:27:04

you throw it away that must have been

00:27:06

like the hardest hardest decision ever

00:27:07

yeah so it was I remember first thinking

00:27:11

like 16 more months like at that

00:27:14

point I was five months away and to be

00:27:16

like 16 17 months so this was just

00:27:19

yeah it's hard but I feel like I still

00:27:22

was not like you're not possibly not

00:27:25

gonna go like I just didn't think about

00:27:27

it it was kind of like just not weighing

00:27:28

myself I just didn't think about like

00:27:30

that much I was like just get through

00:27:32

and then yeah I got a stress fracture in

00:27:34

my famous that took me out of the ERG

00:27:37

because we weren't actually rolling in

00:27:38

the water at that time so that ended up

00:27:40

being

00:27:42

six seven months like actually out of

00:27:45

the boat because I

00:27:47

yeah it just didn't heal for a long time

00:27:49

it took a while to like get back to

00:27:51

actually being in strength so I thought

00:27:53

that was kind of what I had to deal with

00:27:55

for a while and at that time I was

00:27:56

actually trying to get healthier because

00:27:58

I was like this is an opportunity to I

00:28:00

guess like do it right yeah fix yourself

00:28:02

yeah I was like I've got an extra year

00:28:04

maybe this is my chance to like do it

00:28:06

right and kind of improve my body and

00:28:09

then race but not in yeah and on how

00:28:12

like not on the unhealthy way that I had

00:28:14

been

00:28:15

um yeah but at this point did you still

00:28:17

enjoy training or would you wake up in

00:28:19

the morning and just sort of like Dread

00:28:21

the day ahead yeah to be honest I was

00:28:23

pretty over it I think I burnt myself

00:28:25

out a lot like 2019 was a great year

00:28:29

and

00:28:31

um I think though the years of stress of

00:28:35

State World Champs had just started to

00:28:37

catch up with me and I was burnt out in

00:28:38

like 2020 to like we never fully

00:28:41

addressed within the squad either like

00:28:43

how people were feeling with the

00:28:45

postponement because

00:28:46

you know what you make plans you you

00:28:49

after that 2019 that Olympic year like

00:28:52

you know that that's going to be a tough

00:28:54

year and we had been training really

00:28:55

hard everything else had just it was

00:28:58

just put on hold for a year and yeah the

00:29:02

postponement happened and it was kind of

00:29:04

just like move the goal post business as

00:29:06

usual so I really struggled with not

00:29:08

having those open conversations that

00:29:10

like yeah this actually really sucks

00:29:12

that it's been put off a year and I

00:29:13

think that definitely contributed to

00:29:16

just I was just burnt out and just

00:29:18

trying to push through but yeah

00:29:20

obviously the extra year to post their

00:29:22

next year is a huge that's amazing it's

00:29:24

a huge thing yeah oh yeah that just

00:29:26

seems daunting who who are you living

00:29:28

with who was in your support network who

00:29:30

could you vent to yeah so I went home

00:29:32

for a while

00:29:34

um I decided to get out of Cambridge so

00:29:35

I went to see mum and dad and I just had

00:29:37

an urk in the basement to try and try

00:29:39

and

00:29:40

um yeah I talked to them a little bit

00:29:42

but then it was also hard so I was like

00:29:43

I knew that they were so excited for me

00:29:46

to go to the Olympics and I knew how

00:29:47

much like I knew how proud of me they

00:29:50

would be and so I found it hard to talk

00:29:51

to family because I was like I don't

00:29:52

want to disappoint them

00:29:54

um so I guess like talking to my

00:29:56

boyfriend and a couple of friends but I

00:29:59

also felt at that point like I was

00:30:00

really scared to let people in because

00:30:03

I think I was like as soon as I start

00:30:05

talking about it's going to be more real

00:30:07

and then I have to deal with it and so

00:30:09

it was like still that same kind of

00:30:10

thing like I was trying to push it down

00:30:12

but I was bubbling over and it was kind

00:30:14

of like starting to leak and you know

00:30:15

things were coming out but um

00:30:18

yeah so I I started to have little

00:30:20

conversations here and there just like

00:30:21

testing the waters with friends and yeah

00:30:24

with my boyfriend like talking about

00:30:25

what would happen like if I didn't go

00:30:26

because your boyfriend he's a rower as

00:30:29

well at this point yeah yeah he was Ryan

00:30:30

too was he a lightweight or no he was in

00:30:34

the men's sweep Squad so he um he was

00:30:36

eating all the chocolate he wanted yeah

00:30:38

yeah he was good he didn't he didn't

00:30:40

like blatantly do it in my face

00:30:43

it was respectful every time you hit the

00:30:46

fridge door open you're like that

00:30:47

bastard yeah but then sometimes I think

00:30:49

I would like feed him not like well not

00:30:53

like feeling but like I would buy him

00:30:54

nice things because I was like I can't

00:30:56

have it but I like I want you to have it

00:30:57

for me so I can like feel you know like

00:31:00

I feel like I'm in this experience yeah

00:31:04

what were you um what were you like as a

00:31:06

I mean I don't know if you're the right

00:31:08

person to ask he he's probably the only

00:31:10

one that can answer this but what were

00:31:11

you like as a partner at that time it

00:31:13

sounds like you would have been angry

00:31:14

the whole time yeah I well you're pain

00:31:17

in the ass to be around or were you like

00:31:18

were you just sad emotional yeah yeah

00:31:25

yeah I definitely like couldn't have a

00:31:29

laugh as easy you know like

00:31:33

uh yeah people have done well to stick

00:31:37

through me like through those phases

00:31:39

yeah you're probably not the easiest

00:31:40

person to be mates with through this

00:31:42

time

00:31:43

yeah like I yeah I don't know I think

00:31:46

with rowing though

00:31:48

like everyone was tired so it was kind

00:31:50

of acceptable to not be the most vibrant

00:31:53

person because we did train so hard we

00:31:55

trained like 24 to 30 hours a week kind

00:31:58

of thing so everyone's just destroyed

00:32:00

yeah yeah so to not have much of a

00:32:04

personality was like quite normal for a

00:32:07

lot of people so it kind of went a

00:32:09

little bit under the rug as well but if

00:32:11

you're doing that sort of training um

00:32:14

select say an average of four hours at

00:32:17

four hours a day or whatever it happens

00:32:18

to be yeah you need to fuel the machine

00:32:21

yeah you do that's what I like about

00:32:22

about running I go for a long run I can

00:32:24

eat whatever the yeah yeah yeah

00:32:26

yeah yeah unbelievable your poor body

00:32:28

yeah I don't know how like I actually

00:32:31

don't know how I did well like I ate

00:32:34

enough but I didn't

00:32:36

I ate enough to get through but it was

00:32:39

pretty minimal

00:32:40

um be great to like it's great to think

00:32:42

how fast it would have been if I had

00:32:43

actually ate him properly wow

00:32:48

so you're back home at your parents with

00:32:50

the rowing machine in the basement and

00:32:52

you sort of test the waters there about

00:32:54

about you maybe not going to the

00:32:56

Olympics and so so when you leave them

00:32:59

and go back to Cambridge where are

00:33:00

things at at that point yeah so I guess

00:33:02

by the time I was like in Cambridge a

00:33:04

few months rehab and then September 2020

00:33:07

I was like getting back in the boat

00:33:10

um at this point this is like one year

00:33:11

out from the Olympics yeah yeah so it's

00:33:14

yeah we've got we've got through kind of

00:33:17

the shitty on land training program had

00:33:21

a bit of a break

00:33:22

yeah they pushed our break back a little

00:33:24

bit and gave us like four weeks off

00:33:26

which was nice

00:33:28

um and then yes I was coming back and

00:33:30

and I was like inspired to keep going by

00:33:35

what like I it was it's just like that

00:33:38

dream of going to the Olympics like I

00:33:40

had been my drone for as long as I could

00:33:42

imagine and I couldn't imagine not

00:33:44

fulfilling that you know I suppose for

00:33:46

you like it's um I mean it's a dream in

00:33:48

itself I've had some people on the

00:33:49

podcast like um my friend Camille bus

00:33:51

come from Hamilton and for her she's

00:33:54

probably never going to win like an

00:33:55

Olympic medal yeah for her success would

00:33:58

be I suppose just going to the Olympics

00:34:00

but you you're not just going there to

00:34:03

make up numbers like you're you're a

00:34:05

real chance it you know standing on the

00:34:07

podium yeah I mean we won at World

00:34:09

Champs in 2019 so like we were going in

00:34:12

as the world champions yeah it wasn't to

00:34:14

go to the Olympics I think to go to the

00:34:16

Olympics in that place I would have been

00:34:17

disappointed like I wouldn't have

00:34:19

enjoyed my Olympic experience like that

00:34:21

was kind of the level that I was at at

00:34:22

that time yeah we were going there to

00:34:25

win

00:34:25

um that's like what we're revolved our

00:34:27

year around was winning it was there

00:34:29

wasn't another option to be on honest

00:34:31

man that must make the decision not to

00:34:33

go even harder yeah and it's it's not

00:34:35

only that it's it's yeah obviously it's

00:34:38

like that internal pressure and those

00:34:40

results and and wanting to achieve and

00:34:42

knowing that you're in a position to

00:34:43

achieve but it's like I'm with like

00:34:45

Jackie is in my doubles partner like

00:34:46

we've been through this whole journey

00:34:48

together these past few years we've rode

00:34:49

together we've like shared tears Blood

00:34:52

Sweat miles and miles and miles on the

00:34:55

water and yeah it it wasn't just about

00:34:58

me it was about her as well like and it

00:35:00

was about her dream of like winning at

00:35:02

the Olympics and

00:35:03

um oh yeah her journey we we've got to

00:35:06

get to that but I I

00:35:08

um I cannot imagine that conversation oh

00:35:11

my God how do you

00:35:14

did she have an inkling something wasn't

00:35:16

right with you or yeah she had and I

00:35:18

know my coach had like her and my coach

00:35:20

had talked about it too like I was just

00:35:24

I didn't I did everything like I I could

00:35:28

until I got to that point and I kind of

00:35:30

I didn't real yeah I refused to I left

00:35:33

it till like as long as I could once I'd

00:35:35

like exhausted all my options but yeah

00:35:38

that was a conversation that I dreaded

00:35:39

and at like the last month I guess like

00:35:42

when I was actually pretty seriously

00:35:44

trying to make the decision it was

00:35:46

yeah just so much guilt of what would

00:35:49

happen if I decided that I couldn't go

00:35:51

oh I can only imagine yeah okay so so

00:35:54

when do you so when do you make the my

00:35:57

make your own mind up there you're not

00:35:58

going to the Olympics and then how far

00:36:00

after that do you do you tell Jackie

00:36:02

yeah so we had Nationals in Feb 21 so

00:36:06

last year and like I love Nationals it

00:36:08

was so great I feel like I definitely

00:36:10

wasn't at my fittest but I knew that I

00:36:11

was like pretty close to like being

00:36:14

there so I was like I can do it I can

00:36:16

make it

00:36:18

um but then after that I guess was when

00:36:19

I had to start losing weight over that

00:36:22

summer I'd actually been or half the

00:36:24

summer anyway I'd been keto because I

00:36:26

was like

00:36:27

if I'm not

00:36:29

yeah I was like I don't want to diet

00:36:31

stupidly and so maybe like cutting out

00:36:34

carbs and kind of doing that thing will

00:36:36

help me you also need carbs to try it

00:36:40

you're doing oh my yeah

00:36:43

um and so I'd done that for a while and

00:36:45

like I felt really fat I felt really

00:36:47

strong and my body actually felt really

00:36:49

good but I just I wasn't near Raceway

00:36:51

like I was I probably had like six and a

00:36:54

half kgs to lose

00:36:55

and so I started trying to lose weight

00:36:58

after Nationals and like over that

00:37:00

summer it just wasn't really going

00:37:01

anywhere and then I guess I started like

00:37:05

dieting a little bit and that's when I

00:37:06

was like hold up like I can't do this

00:37:08

and I'd like I'd promised myself that I

00:37:10

wasn't going to do that and I just I

00:37:12

didn't want to do that again like

00:37:14

from that year when it was almost a year

00:37:16

the year that I'd been in like my lowest

00:37:18

point and I was like I don't I can't put

00:37:20

myself back into that place purposefully

00:37:22

for

00:37:23

like a game you know like it was it was

00:37:26

a it's a sport it's like

00:37:29

um not worth sacrificing my body so that

00:37:31

was you know march-ish that I made

00:37:34

I talked to my psychologists heaps and

00:37:37

then I talked to my doctor and I was

00:37:38

like just have to make the decision like

00:37:40

I'm the worst decision maker in the

00:37:41

world so it took me so long to get to it

00:37:43

but yeah after Nationals I was like

00:37:45

there's no other option and I either

00:37:47

make it now or I keep dragging it out

00:37:49

and then I'm kind of impacting other

00:37:51

people even more I suppose it would have

00:37:53

been an easier decision to make if it

00:37:55

was just you yeah

00:37:57

um is that what made it an extra hard

00:37:58

decision absolutely yeah yeah and it was

00:38:00

like it was the partnership it was

00:38:02

everything and it was like the

00:38:03

partnership that we built together and

00:38:06

um yeah so it's like it's not just

00:38:08

thinking about yourself and if it was

00:38:10

just about myself it would be easier and

00:38:12

there was like part of me that was like

00:38:13

maybe I'll just get injured and then I

00:38:15

can't go like then this is the fact that

00:38:16

the decision was in my hands was the

00:38:18

hardest book

00:38:20

um yeah but once I made the decision or

00:38:22

once I got once I kind of tipped over

00:38:24

the like the 50 50 point I was like I

00:38:27

know I've just got to have those

00:38:28

conversations it's sucky as they're

00:38:30

gonna be oh my God I'm such a gutless

00:38:32

piece of

00:38:33

um I'd ghost I Rhythm yeah

00:38:37

what happened to Zoe I don't know I

00:38:39

don't know you never know who does okay

00:38:42

so when is it like March April March

00:38:44

April yeah it was like last year and so

00:38:47

the games are in August yeah so it's

00:38:49

like four months away yeah

00:38:52

wow they're just so close okay

00:38:54

now this is getting the good but well

00:38:56

the good bit for me probably a terrible

00:38:57

for you so um yeah your partner yeah

00:39:00

Jackie yeah so how does how does this

00:39:02

happen you go around and see her at home

00:39:04

you finish training no so

00:39:07

let's continue playing on flight mode I

00:39:11

talked to my coach and he said yeah I

00:39:14

talked to my coach first and then he was

00:39:15

like our organized conversation it's

00:39:18

quite funny he's like I'll take you guys

00:39:20

the valid drawing because then we're in

00:39:21

like a neutral Place

00:39:23

No One's Gonna See us or hear us like

00:39:26

things get out of hand or we're leaving

00:39:29

separately

00:39:31

um

00:39:32

yeah so we yeah we're at the velodrome

00:39:35

and like I'm pretty sure I was crying

00:39:37

before I even went and I don't think I

00:39:38

could even like talk to any of them like

00:39:40

before while we were going and

00:39:43

um check he must have no one I yeah and

00:39:45

I think like yeah she knew that I was

00:39:47

struggling we'd talked like a little bit

00:39:48

about it but I think my yeah like my

00:39:51

coach had talked to her a little bit as

00:39:52

well and kind of been like

00:39:54

you know if this is gonna happen like

00:39:57

what you know like he kind of warmed it

00:40:00

up a little bit obviously

00:40:03

it was yeah obviously like even though

00:40:06

he'd had those conversations like I

00:40:08

don't think

00:40:10

she thought like that was what was going

00:40:12

to happen like I mean it's like anything

00:40:13

you always want to stay positive and say

00:40:15

like yes that's an option but you know

00:40:17

we can do this kind of yeah yeah you got

00:40:19

this 24 more months yeah yeah so yeah it

00:40:22

was

00:40:23

undoubtedly like the hardest

00:40:25

conversation and like up to that point I

00:40:27

hated having hard conversations

00:40:29

every

00:40:32

difficult conversation you have in life

00:40:34

is not going to be as difficult yeah

00:40:36

that sucks yeah shedding on someone

00:40:38

else's Olympic stream yeah

00:40:44

how does she take it to sheep is she

00:40:46

does she go through the stages of grief

00:40:48

like to initiated yeah angry at all or

00:40:50

yeah like yeah there was and like I I

00:40:52

didn't blame her like I I completely

00:40:54

accepted it because I was like I would

00:40:56

go through the exact same process like

00:40:57

there's a there's a whole lot of things

00:40:59

coming up here and emotions and like it

00:41:03

wasn't my place to justify them or to

00:41:05

try and make her feel better it was just

00:41:06

like to be there and talk about it and

00:41:09

respect what she needed from me

00:41:12

um

00:41:13

yeah so it was

00:41:17

yeah it was I was very emotional like

00:41:19

for everyone yeah

00:41:21

um no one likes to have those

00:41:22

conversations like I didn't like to have

00:41:25

a conversation but like we needed to be

00:41:27

we needed like the conversation like we

00:41:29

went in there were like just

00:41:30

everything's on the table you know like

00:41:32

whatever you want to talk about this is

00:41:33

where we talk about it and I think that

00:41:35

was really good for both of us because

00:41:36

you know like if she wanted to get angry

00:41:39

like or she wanted to say things like or

00:41:41

if I wanted to say things like that was

00:41:43

the place to do it so that we could kind

00:41:45

of process them those emotions was that

00:41:48

just absolutely no plan B like it isn't

00:41:52

not not someone else they could have

00:41:53

checked on the boat for four months and

00:41:54

yeah see this was this was like a bit of

00:41:57

the issue

00:41:59

um like there wasn't any lightweights

00:42:01

that had been kept around in rural New

00:42:03

Zealand or developed like there was

00:42:05

different there was lightweights around

00:42:06

but there was a Gap a huge gap between

00:42:09

like them and us like we had been the

00:42:11

only lightweights in the summer Squad

00:42:13

and the Royal New Zealand program for

00:42:14

those couple of years so they weren't

00:42:15

training the same as us or anything and

00:42:17

so

00:42:18

that was a lot of pressure on the both

00:42:19

of us like that it was us or nothing

00:42:21

kind of thing like there's no second

00:42:22

person

00:42:23

um I think yeah there was someone that

00:42:26

jumped in for like a few weeks to see if

00:42:27

they could kind of take the place but

00:42:30

they made they made the decision that

00:42:32

the boat just wasn't kind of yeah gonna

00:42:35

make it in time and

00:42:38

um that it was kind of better just to

00:42:40

leave it and then Jackie unfortunately

00:42:42

it didn't happen because of covert but

00:42:44

she was going to go and rest a single

00:42:45

and sit at the world Champs

00:42:48

um

00:42:48

that she could have her race there

00:42:51

um but yeah obviously that didn't happen

00:42:53

in the end and how's um how's the

00:42:55

relationship now she put a really nice

00:42:57

post up on Instagram at the time yeah

00:42:59

and like she she was amazing like she

00:43:01

was really supportive like

00:43:03

you go through your emotions but at the

00:43:05

end of the day and like she reiterated

00:43:07

it in that room like she was like I

00:43:09

support you no matter what and like I

00:43:10

would never want you to sacrifice

00:43:12

yourself like that and it was like

00:43:14

and that's exactly what I would have

00:43:16

been like as well like there's the grief

00:43:18

of losing her dream but you don't want

00:43:20

to put someone else's life and health on

00:43:23

the line or at risk because of your own

00:43:26

dream as well like there's there's I

00:43:28

think sometimes when you are in sport

00:43:30

like when you're young you don't realize

00:43:31

this but there's so much outside of

00:43:32

sport that's actually really important

00:43:34

as well

00:43:35

um and it's about

00:43:36

yeah realizing that sometimes that needs

00:43:38

to take priority was part of you I guess

00:43:42

scared in a way that so you start this

00:43:44

this journey when you're 13 and then

00:43:46

you're 25 and you've just been so for

00:43:49

half your life you've been this um

00:43:50

successful rower and you're about to go

00:43:51

to the Olympics was was part of you

00:43:53

afraid that like it was what defined you

00:43:56

oh absolutely yeah that was it was what

00:43:58

defined me like I hadn't Oh no in your

00:44:02

mind it was yeah in my mind yeah no no

00:44:04

yeah yeah you're right in my mind it was

00:44:06

what defined me because like you said

00:44:08

like I had been so successful early and

00:44:10

so many of those conversations and

00:44:11

Praises came from Rowan and so I

00:44:14

Associated that and when I did get

00:44:16

injured

00:44:18

um there was an injury that I had in

00:44:19

2018 and that's where I kind of started

00:44:20

to realize that I was a little bit like

00:44:24

in the danger zone of that's what Ryan

00:44:25

was what I thought to find me

00:44:28

um

00:44:29

so I think by the time it got to 2021

00:44:32

like I was more aware of and I had done

00:44:36

more to establish myself like my

00:44:38

personal identity outside of Rowan

00:44:41

um but yeah I mean especially like

00:44:44

sports when you're in like a centralized

00:44:47

program you live like you move to be in

00:44:50

that area you flat with people that row

00:44:53

most your friendships are with rollers

00:44:57

um you know every single day you're

00:44:58

around the environment like it's pretty

00:45:00

hard to separate yourself from that as

00:45:02

well so it's a pretty big adjustment

00:45:03

yeah yeah when you when you first turn

00:45:06

your back on it it must just feel

00:45:08

I don't know it's surreal yeah initially

00:45:11

it was like amazing because I had been

00:45:15

burnt up I was like a massive weight off

00:45:17

your shoulders it was a huge weight of

00:45:18

my weight off my shoulders and just like

00:45:20

a huge release of pressure and it was

00:45:23

like I could actually just do things for

00:45:25

myself and prioritize like my own needs

00:45:27

and health and things and eating all the

00:45:29

chocolate

00:45:33

oh I told people that I did that but it

00:45:36

did take me quite a while to get there

00:45:38

like there's like a lot of yeah there

00:45:40

was a lot of like fixation and focus on

00:45:43

my weight that I've really had to work

00:45:45

on like post that

00:45:47

um because that was another thing that I

00:45:48

thought that defined me was my weight

00:45:51

um and I guess that's from a lot of your

00:45:53

prayers coming from when you're 57 kgs

00:45:55

because that's when you're winning

00:45:56

things and so that was definitely a work

00:45:58

on but I mean having a boyfriend helps

00:46:01

to just eat chocolate and treats and

00:46:05

things so like yeah I feel like I slowly

00:46:08

kind of just did it through like the

00:46:09

people that I lived with yeah yeah

00:46:12

um and you mentioned before

00:46:13

um seeing a psychologist when did you

00:46:16

start seeing a psychologist I'd been

00:46:18

saying like we'd had Sports

00:46:19

psychologists in Rowan and things um so

00:46:21

I'd been seeing them like on and off

00:46:23

over the years but as a sports

00:46:25

psychologist the same as like just a

00:46:26

normal psychologist that yeah someone

00:46:28

might go there yeah I mean a lot of our

00:46:30

psychologists were clinical

00:46:31

psychologists so they were fully trained

00:46:33

and they're done on

00:46:35

yeah they're done they'd practice in

00:46:37

other areas and things before moving to

00:46:39

sport so they were available there for

00:46:42

that but I guess in 2000 and it was it

00:46:45

2020 I sought out someone else that was

00:46:48

outside the room because I was like I

00:46:49

just want to separate this from rowing

00:46:51

because everything wasn't wrong you know

00:46:53

even your appointments were at Ryan and

00:46:54

I couldn't separate those two things in

00:46:57

my mind and I was like I just need to

00:46:58

find someone that had literally knows

00:47:00

nothing about Rowan and kind of doesn't

00:47:01

care about Rome

00:47:03

um so that's what I did

00:47:05

and I was lucky that I had like support

00:47:07

from my doctor and things that were in

00:47:09

New Zealand so I had funding for that to

00:47:11

go and do that and I think that really

00:47:13

helped because it just yeah it helped me

00:47:15

he didn't know anyone that was there he

00:47:17

didn't care about Rowan and like in many

00:47:19

ways like he cared about me and I mean

00:47:21

the other psychologist there I know

00:47:23

would have been the same but for me I

00:47:24

couldn't differentiate the two areas of

00:47:27

my life yeah and is that about the time

00:47:29

you were diagnosed with depression yeah

00:47:32

about that time yeah I I was diagnosed I

00:47:35

had seen another clinical site before

00:47:37

that actually she was she was like an

00:47:39

independent one that was with high

00:47:41

performance but she left and so that was

00:47:43

when I went to seek someone else out

00:47:45

um yeah and she kind of

00:47:47

yeah diagnosed me with that and then so

00:47:51

yeah I moved to another psych after that

00:47:52

yeah okay

00:47:54

glm so the Depression was basically wow

00:47:57

it's the craziest thing so there's this

00:48:00

thing that you you're good at and you

00:48:01

did once love and now it's it's making

00:48:04

you depressed yeah I think it was just

00:48:07

just a combination of like the

00:48:09

environment the pressure that I put on

00:48:11

myself

00:48:12

obviously like yeah the dieting and the

00:48:16

distorted relationship with food and

00:48:18

everything like it was just a huge like

00:48:20

it was just too much and I just couldn't

00:48:22

deal with it in a healthy way anymore

00:48:25

um so yeah it did have a big effect on

00:48:27

me and I like it definitely made me

00:48:29

forget why I enjoyed the sport and made

00:48:32

me forget why I was doing it yeah and

00:48:35

how were the Olympics last year like

00:48:37

watching it

00:48:38

um yeah that one took me by surprise a

00:48:40

little bit like I was quite emotional

00:48:43

watching them and I was actually yeah I

00:48:45

talked about it with my psyche and he

00:48:46

was like you know like when you before I

00:48:49

even like stopped rowing and announced

00:48:51

it like I had let go of my identity of

00:48:53

being as the rower and I'd let go of

00:48:55

that kind of dream but I hadn't dealt

00:48:58

with the dream of going to the Olympics

00:48:59

so I think that's what came up for me

00:49:01

like it wasn't it wasn't like a jealousy

00:49:03

thing it wasn't like a wish I was there

00:49:05

when I was watching the doubles and

00:49:07

things that was just like yeah the

00:49:10

realization that that actually wasn't

00:49:12

going to be me because when I did stop

00:49:14

everyone was doing the same thing they

00:49:16

were training that's what we've been

00:49:17

doing for the last two years we hadn't

00:49:18

gone anywhere

00:49:20

um just trying to like Kara Perry so

00:49:21

nothing had changed in that environment

00:49:23

but being overseas and seeing it even

00:49:25

just watching the double and the

00:49:26

commentators would like mention Jackie

00:49:28

and I who had won the previous year and

00:49:30

things and it was yeah it was just

00:49:33

dealing with that and the emotions that

00:49:35

came up with

00:49:37

yeah like they're not going and

00:49:39

realizing that like

00:49:40

for real yeah what's your what's your

00:49:43

identity now you're no longer Zoe the

00:49:45

rower how would you um how would you

00:49:47

identify yourself now how do you think

00:49:49

other people would identify you

00:49:52

that's hard because I've been like

00:49:53

really careful not to put like an

00:49:55

identity on myself right

00:49:59

I feel I guess like multifaceted you

00:50:02

know like I well no one needs to yeah

00:50:04

exactly and I think

00:50:06

yeah even after sport a lot of people

00:50:09

put pressure on themselves to find the

00:50:10

next thing and achieve it the next thing

00:50:12

so that's been hard to like overcome and

00:50:14

realize that you can do something you

00:50:16

can do exercise for the enjoyment of it

00:50:17

rather than needing to be the best and

00:50:20

like in the gym and things that was hard

00:50:22

for a while to wrap my head around like

00:50:23

you just used to being like great at

00:50:25

something so well that's the thing like

00:50:28

that labeling it only comes along when

00:50:30

you're wildly successful at something

00:50:32

yeah like absolutely I had Karen Reed on

00:50:34

the podcast like he will always be care

00:50:36

and Reed the rugby player because he was

00:50:38

that good yeah Eric Murray I've had him

00:50:40

on he's not going to be known as Eric

00:50:41

the dancer is he no

00:50:43

although he did do well but yeah exactly

00:50:46

exactly and it's when it becomes like a

00:50:49

public thing as well that's when that

00:50:50

label really

00:50:53

um I guess cements itself in your own

00:50:55

brain because that's what you say oh

00:50:56

yeah

00:50:57

you know like news about yeah yeah how's

00:51:00

your how's your mental health now are

00:51:01

you good yeah it is good I think for me

00:51:03

like it really took getting out of that

00:51:05

environment and things changed a lot so

00:51:07

it was definitely like environmentally

00:51:09

based

00:51:10

um you know like there's been work to do

00:51:12

and I feel like still sometimes like

00:51:14

there's things that come up but that's

00:51:15

part of being a human as well we have

00:51:17

those Ebbs and flows of life

00:51:20

um so yeah for me it's been learning

00:51:22

what's healthy for me and what keeps me

00:51:24

on track yeah

00:51:26

um yeah to kind of deal with things when

00:51:28

they do come up yeah you're still seeing

00:51:30

a therapist every now and then every now

00:51:32

and then yeah

00:51:33

um yeah which I think is helpful to have

00:51:35

that person there to talk things through

00:51:37

like I just enjoy having that neutral

00:51:40

non-biased person

00:51:43

um yeah it's not it's nice it's wow I

00:51:46

was scared of going yeah going to

00:51:48

therapy for the first time because I was

00:51:49

like what like I I don't know why I feel

00:51:52

bummed out and I I don't I don't know

00:51:54

where to start so you're sitting in a

00:51:55

room with a stranger it's the most

00:51:56

terrifying thing and then a

00:51:58

bunch of friends of mine said to me oh

00:51:59

yeah I've been you know sometimes it

00:52:01

takes a few sessions before you realize

00:52:03

if it's the person that you collect with

00:52:04

or not and I thought oh I dreaded the

00:52:06

thought of going and seeing someone for

00:52:07

a couple of hours or whatever yeah and

00:52:08

then having to do it again and yeah have

00:52:10

that initial conversation but it was

00:52:12

fabulous yeah 100 I find that I would

00:52:14

just be able to talk about anything

00:52:15

because they didn't know me so it didn't

00:52:16

matter what I told them like they didn't

00:52:18

have any preconceived notion or anything

00:52:20

about me

00:52:22

um and it's nice like to go to therapy

00:52:24

and like you're validated for what

00:52:26

you're feeling and they're like this is

00:52:28

actually

00:52:29

you know like it's not you I think so

00:52:31

often we take things and we put them on

00:52:33

ourselves we're like it's a me problem

00:52:34

or like there's something wrong with me

00:52:36

but it's actually not it's there's so

00:52:38

many people that experience this and

00:52:39

it's a product of XYZ and things so it's

00:52:42

nice to have that yeah it just gives you

00:52:44

a different way of reframing things and

00:52:45

looking at things eh absolutely yeah and

00:52:47

you're never gonna have a therapist that

00:52:48

says come on Zoe are you being silly

00:52:49

suck it up come on exactly it's the

00:52:51

Olympics exactly yeah yeah

00:52:54

oh that's good that's good oh you seem

00:52:57

really well now you seem really happy

00:52:58

yeah I am yeah yeah I've yeah I've got

00:53:01

some new things I'm working towards and

00:53:03

I feel like I hear like what like I'm

00:53:05

studying

00:53:07

um yes I'm actually doing some

00:53:09

psychology studying now uh which is

00:53:13

challenging exciting and I guess it's

00:53:16

given me like a new kind of purpose like

00:53:18

I feel yeah like from my time as being

00:53:21

an athlete like I loved it but it was

00:53:22

also like it was about me and so now I

00:53:25

feel like what I'm doing to study is

00:53:26

like it's about what I want to do for

00:53:28

other people so that's yeah it's really

00:53:30

inspiring to me to keep going and it's

00:53:32

it's cool to be and yeah it's definitely

00:53:35

a change being in uni like properly yeah

00:53:37

yeah we're recording this in my um hotel

00:53:40

room and you came straight here from the

00:53:42

University Library where you've been all

00:53:43

day yeah yeah yeah and like the crunch

00:53:45

week at the moment so that's

00:53:48

um

00:53:49

yeah I can't wait for the uni break yeah

00:53:51

well I feel like um you know what you

00:53:54

did as an athlete it's almost like

00:53:55

transferable skills in a way and I think

00:53:57

so you've you've got a competitive

00:53:59

spirit and that drive so that whatever

00:54:00

you put your mind to you'll probably do

00:54:01

well yeah exactly and that's yeah I mean

00:54:04

you always hear people talking about

00:54:05

those transferable skills but then until

00:54:07

you actually get into situations yeah

00:54:09

like study or work and things where I'm

00:54:11

like okay like I've actually I know how

00:54:14

to work hard I know how to work Under

00:54:15

Pressure I know how to like work in the

00:54:18

team and things like that so it's

00:54:19

actually those skills are so valuable

00:54:21

and even now I feel like we are we're in

00:54:23

the stressful week but I know how like

00:54:25

it's almost like I thrive under the

00:54:27

pressure like that's what racing is and

00:54:29

things so it's kind of makes me feel

00:54:31

like better than usual yeah yeah and

00:54:34

what's your relationship with um the

00:54:35

sport of rowing like now when you think

00:54:36

about rowing like dude you still enjoy

00:54:39

like watching it do you have fun

00:54:41

memories of the sport yeah do you look

00:54:43

back and sort of Shadow no lots of fond

00:54:45

memories like lots and lots of fun

00:54:47

memories like there's the people that

00:54:49

you meet overseas there's the friends

00:54:50

that you make through the sport that's

00:54:52

how you met your boyfriend isn't it yeah

00:54:54

exactly and it's like the travel like

00:54:56

that we got to do

00:54:58

basically you know

00:55:00

um every single year for a couple of

00:55:02

months at the time of at a time

00:55:04

um not that you got to experience the

00:55:06

delicious foods overseas yeah exactly

00:55:09

I'm gonna need to like redo that one

00:55:13

so many things I missed out food wise

00:55:16

but yeah I feel like I look back at

00:55:18

right now I'm like I could do it in some

00:55:20

capacity in like a fun way yeah yeah

00:55:23

right that's cool that's healthy yeah

00:55:25

and how long you and your boyfriend been

00:55:26

together a couple of years a couple of

00:55:28

years right and he's not he's not rowing

00:55:30

anymore either no he's not but they

00:55:32

actually him and a few mates they

00:55:34

started it's called like barbarians Ryan

00:55:36

club and the idea of it was kind of

00:55:38

rollers that have represented New

00:55:40

Zealand or competited at a high level

00:55:43

um like coming back to do it socially

00:55:45

and for fun because I guess it's like we

00:55:46

said earlier like rowing is really hard

00:55:48

to do once you're not rowing properly

00:55:49

and there's not really like a social

00:55:53

there's lots of Masters roles that do it

00:55:55

but yeah they kind of establish this

00:55:57

club that trains by them like they kind

00:55:59

of train in their respective areas and

00:56:00

then they'll Target like a couple of

00:56:01

regattas whether it's Nationals and then

00:56:03

going overseas and things like for the

00:56:05

enjoyment of rowing and to race with

00:56:07

your mates and so yeah yeah hopefully we

00:56:09

can kind of get a bit more traction on

00:56:11

that in the next couple of years after

00:56:12

the delays and covert and things because

00:56:15

it's such a cool idea like to do it and

00:56:17

like it's been great for yeah like

00:56:19

people's mental health and to still be

00:56:21

like doing the sport and remembering why

00:56:23

you enjoyed it because I think rowing is

00:56:26

easy to kind of leave with negative like

00:56:28

I mean sometimes sport you can leave

00:56:30

with negative views because and there's

00:56:31

also no way to kind of find yourself

00:56:33

back to the sport until this point yeah

00:56:36

I feel like that happens a lot like um

00:56:38

have you ever read the Andre Agassi book

00:56:40

open yeah right he hates tennis yeah

00:56:43

yeah he hates everything and it's given

00:56:45

him so much but it's also taken away so

00:56:47

yeah absolutely and I think yeah for

00:56:50

like for so many people like it does

00:56:52

drain you and some people don't get

00:56:54

traded well they don't achieve the

00:56:56

things that they want to achieve so that

00:56:57

is yeah like really paints a negative

00:56:59

View and I think it's really important

00:57:01

like if you're in the position to to

00:57:03

like try and find your way back and like

00:57:05

remember why you loved it so you can

00:57:07

kind of go back if that's what you want

00:57:09

to do or yes and and what's your uh

00:57:14

what's your thoughts now on like um yeah

00:57:16

high performance Sport and stuff like

00:57:17

that like do you feel like I'm in the

00:57:19

wrong like you you did get enough

00:57:20

support and enough help or do you feel

00:57:22

like more could have been done for you

00:57:24

yeah I think it's interesting there's

00:57:26

obviously been like a a lot of invest

00:57:28

like things come out recently I think

00:57:31

that

00:57:33

there was always support there and like

00:57:37

I didn't seek it out

00:57:40

because I was a because of kind of the

00:57:43

you know like you needed to be tough

00:57:45

like there was like yeah the stigma for

00:57:47

a while and I I like I do think that's

00:57:49

changing a bit but there's definitely

00:57:51

times where like you couldn't talk about

00:57:52

that and you didn't want to come across

00:57:55

wake because you didn't know how that

00:57:57

would impact you and like your selection

00:57:59

and things like that and so there was it

00:58:02

was really hard to talk about those

00:58:03

things and so it kind of didn't motivate

00:58:07

you to seek help

00:58:08

um and I mean there was times that like

00:58:11

potentially there were red flags raised

00:58:14

with like something I said or what I was

00:58:15

doing and things weren't followed up but

00:58:17

yeah like I I also didn't seek it out

00:58:20

and so I think they're just I think like

00:58:23

communication is really important moving

00:58:25

forward so like you feel like you're in

00:58:27

the position where you can go and talk

00:58:28

without it impacting your performances

00:58:31

or like your selections and things yeah

00:58:33

yeah geez it feels like what you did was

00:58:35

very brave does it yeah you feel Brave

00:58:37

you look back on on your decision and

00:58:39

you know it was something you rested

00:58:41

with a long time long time do you feel

00:58:42

Brave yeah yeah I do I think the easiest

00:58:45

option would have been to keep going and

00:58:46

just like waited to break into something

00:58:48

yeah

00:58:49

um and so I do feel Brave and I like for

00:58:53

me I feel like it was one of the first

00:58:54

decisions that I made for myself like

00:58:56

for my priority and well-being for like

00:58:59

so long yeah like a lot of the decisions

00:59:02

I made was from like my potential

00:59:04

success or like for like to be part of

00:59:07

the program and things like that and

00:59:09

which did serve me but this one yeah was

00:59:12

like the first decision I actually made

00:59:13

without thinking about anyone else yeah

00:59:16

it was um a couple of pivotal moments

00:59:19

um last year with um with women's sport

00:59:23

and I wonder

00:59:24

um like Simone biles at the Olympics and

00:59:26

also who's the tennis player

00:59:29

yeah when when they

00:59:32

um prioritize their mental health did

00:59:33

you feel sort of validated

00:59:35

yeah I guess I I wouldn't say yeah like

00:59:39

it was great to see that

00:59:42

there was other people doing it because

00:59:44

yeah like even when I did like there

00:59:46

wasn't that much talk about like people

00:59:48

didn't you didn't see those stories and

00:59:50

so I think it was really a really really

00:59:52

cool to see that people were doing and

00:59:55

those those women that have like huge

00:59:57

profiles because it's just highlighting

01:00:01

like the importance of looking after

01:00:03

yourself and that like you can actually

01:00:05

burn out and like sport is amazing and

01:00:08

it's like an amazing opportunity but

01:00:10

you're also a human and like yeah it is

01:00:12

just Sport and like it is Sport and you

01:00:14

need to acknowledge that like you have

01:00:16

needs as well

01:00:19

um yeah because I think it's really easy

01:00:20

to get wrapped up in

01:00:22

like

01:00:24

Sport and the opportunity and how

01:00:28

athletes are just machines and things

01:00:29

like a lot of people see athletes like

01:00:31

that because they see them on the peak

01:00:33

performances the Pinnacle events and

01:00:35

then they don't see everything that goes

01:00:36

in behind it yeah and so I think it's

01:00:38

really easy for like like some Everyday

01:00:40

People to pass judgments and things on

01:00:42

that

01:00:44

um so I'm really glad and like for the

01:00:46

young girls that are pushing themselves

01:00:48

a little bit hard to see that their role

01:00:50

models are taking a step back means that

01:00:53

they might be able to do that as well or

01:00:55

have that conversation yeah what would

01:00:57

your message be to any um any um like

01:01:00

young girls or young women that listen

01:01:01

to this or the parents of um young

01:01:03

females that are like battling with

01:01:05

their weight or you know obsessing about

01:01:07

their weight for whatever reason yeah I

01:01:10

think it's like to be brave and seek out

01:01:13

you know someone to talk to because

01:01:15

often so many of these like illnesses

01:01:17

and obsessions and things like they're

01:01:19

very internalized and I guess it's

01:01:23

knowing that you're like

01:01:24

your body is so much more than who you

01:01:27

are and that

01:01:30

like you should never Define Yourself by

01:01:32

your body and that instead when you're

01:01:34

doing sport like your body is what is

01:01:35

gonna allow you to perform so you need

01:01:38

to feel your body and like to have those

01:01:40

Brave conversations like to not just

01:01:43

wait for something to go wrong because I

01:01:44

think often

01:01:46

when you're harder like when you're yeah

01:01:48

when you set high expectations and

01:01:49

things like you just you're waiting for

01:01:50

something to go wrong to speak up rather

01:01:52

than being preemptive about it yeah

01:01:55

yeah I think that's probably a good

01:01:56

place to end it what a great chat hey

01:01:59

jeez it's been a tumultuous couple of

01:02:02

years it has been yeah it has been but

01:02:04

it's the same glowing now yeah I'm you

01:02:07

seem really at peace I am I am and I

01:02:09

think like I don't regret it because I'm

01:02:13

in the position that I'm in now where I

01:02:14

want to help other people and I want to

01:02:16

like work with younger girls and things

01:02:17

like that and I would never have been in

01:02:19

this place if I hadn't gone through that

01:02:20

and part of me thinks that like it

01:02:23

wasn't my destiny to go to the Olympics

01:02:25

it was kind of like my destiny to go

01:02:27

through that in those years so that

01:02:30

I could be in the position that I am in

01:02:31

now yeah um so I don't think I can look

01:02:34

back on it and have regrets and things

01:02:37

and I wish it didn't happen absolutely

01:02:40

not Zoe McBride student

01:02:44

um girlfriend

01:02:47

are you doing an Iron Man I I think I

01:02:50

heard on the podcast you're doing an

01:02:51

Iron Man okay I'm not doing Iron Man but

01:02:53

I want to do an Iron Man I initially

01:02:55

70.3 surely well yeah I mean one day I

01:02:59

wonder for Iron Man I think when I first

01:03:01

said I was gonna do the Iron Man like I

01:03:03

just finished rowing really fit still

01:03:05

and like yeah since finishing rolling

01:03:08

and realizing that my body still needs

01:03:10

some recovery in terms of like bone

01:03:12

density and things like button Iron Man

01:03:14

is 100 on my list to take off for the

01:03:18

experience I guess

01:03:20

oh my God imagine what you can eat after

01:03:23

going out for an eight-hour training oh

01:03:25

yeah yeah or yum all the ubereats yeah

01:03:28

100 all right hey um thank you so much

01:03:30

for joining us on the podcast Runners

01:03:32

only thank you for having me it's an

01:03:34

honor yeah good luck for everything in

01:03:35

the future thank you you too

01:03:38

very much for making it all the way

01:03:39

through this episode of Runners only

01:03:41

with dom Harvey there's the reason I do

01:03:43

this message at the end and not the

01:03:45

beginning and that is because you guys

01:03:48

who make it all the way through and

01:03:50

listen to the Lillian bit are the real

01:03:52

MVPs so I have a little favor to ask you

01:03:55

no pressure to do this at all only if

01:03:56

you can be asked if you don't already

01:03:58

can you subscribe to the podcast because

01:04:02

I was reading some stats and something

01:04:03

like 70 of people just listen each week

01:04:05

but never actually subscribe to the

01:04:07

podcast they listen to also if you like

01:04:11

and believe in what I'm doing here with

01:04:13

this runner's only platform please give

01:04:14

it a rating or review or spread the word

01:04:16

on social media or in person I'm of the

01:04:19

view that word of mouth is the most

01:04:21

effective form of marketing available

01:04:22

and also this is the reality that I've

01:04:25

got no budget for anything else so yeah

01:04:27

so if you like it spread the word tell a

01:04:30

friend no appreciate no obligation to do

01:04:32

any of this but the bigger we can grow

01:04:34

this podcast everything will get better

01:04:36

the sound will get better the videos

01:04:38

will get better the guests will get

01:04:40

better so thank you very much in advance

01:04:42

or if you're not going to do any of that

01:04:44

that's cool as well the only thing I

01:04:45

expect from you guys ultimately is to

01:04:47

come along and listen each week take it

01:04:49

easy take care of yourself and see you

01:04:51

soon for another episode of Runners only

01:04:53

with dom Harvey

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This episode stands out for the following:

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75
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Episode Highlights

Mental Health Over Medals
Zoe chose her mental health over her Olympic dreams, a decision that changed everything.
“I made the call to put my physical and mental health first.”
@ 00m 45s
November 01, 2022
Zoe McBride's Olympic Journey
Zoe McBride, a three-time world champion, faced immense pressure leading up to the Olympics.
“This is the incredible story of Zoe McBride.”
@ 00m 55s
November 01, 2022
The Weight of Expectations
Zoe discusses the pressures of lightweight rowing and the toll it took on her health.
“I was driven by fear of failure.”
@ 11m 33s
November 01, 2022
The Road to Tokyo Olympics
The journey to the Tokyo Olympic Games was filled with challenges and aspirations.
“It was a couple of years ago and you were partner on the doubles.”
@ 19m 20s
November 01, 2022
Facing the Pressure
The pressure of being a lightweight rower was immense, especially with limited backups.
“There wasn’t the depth like there had been in some other squads.”
@ 25m 14s
November 01, 2022
Coping with Postponement
The postponement of the Olympics due to COVID-19 led to a mental struggle.
“It wasn’t until the postponement that it was kind of more of that thought in my mind.”
@ 25m 47s
November 01, 2022
The Hardest Decision
Making the choice to step back from rowing was emotionally challenging.
“It was undoubtedly the hardest conversation.”
@ 40m 22s
November 01, 2022
Finding New Identity
Letting go of being defined as a rower was a significant shift.
“I had let go of my identity of being as the rower.”
@ 48m 53s
November 01, 2022
New Purpose in Psychology
Studying psychology has given a new sense of purpose beyond athletics.
“It’s about what I want to do for other people.”
@ 53m 26s
November 01, 2022
Finding Balance in Sport
Discussing the importance of mental health and finding joy in sports after competition.
“Rowing is really hard to do once you’re not rowing properly.”
@ 55m 48s
November 01, 2022
The Importance of Communication
Emphasizing the need for open communication about mental health in sports.
“Communication is really important moving forward.”
@ 58m 23s
November 01, 2022
Empowering Young Women
Encouraging young girls to seek help and prioritize their well-being.
“Be brave and seek out someone to talk to.”
@ 01h 01m 13s
November 01, 2022

Episode Quotes

This is an unreal story.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I would try not to have foods that I enjoyed.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I was like too late to pull out at that point.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I can't put myself back into that place purposefully.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I had let go of my identity of being as the rower.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey
I feel like it was one of the first decisions I made for myself.
Zoe McBride on how one decision crushed two dreams. || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Key Moments

Olympic Aspirations00:10
Mental Health Struggles00:45
Olympic Dreams19:20
Partnership Dynamics20:41
Struggling with Decisions37:41
Thriving Under Pressure54:25
Fond Memories of Rowing54:45
Empowerment Message1:01:00

Words per Minute Over Time

Vibes Breakdown

Joseph Sullivan || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

November 18, 2022

01:24:49

Joseph Sullivan || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Two Raw Sisters share advice for young athletes || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 19, 2022

59:12

Two Raw Sisters share advice for young athletes || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Laura Nagel on the diagnosis that threatened her career || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 16, 2022

45:39

Laura Nagel on the diagnosis that threatened her career || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

The Dark Side of Being an Olympian - Black Sticks Legend, Brooke Hayde on Mental Health in Sport

May 29, 2024

01:22:28

The Dark Side of Being an Olympian - Black Sticks Legend, Brooke Hayde on Mental Health in Sport

Camille Buscomb on how to turn negatives into positives || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 17, 2022

01:04:10

Camille Buscomb on how to turn negatives into positives || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Simone Maier - Multi-Sport World Champ on Racing with Richie McCaw, Sexual Abuse & Mental Health

January 28, 2024

01:35:16

Simone Maier - Multi-Sport World Champ on Racing with Richie McCaw, Sexual Abuse & Mental Health

Hamish Kerr - This white man can jump! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

November 30, 2022

01:29:39

Hamish Kerr - This white man can jump! || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Eric Murray kidnapped a swan (true story) || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

November 10, 2022

01:14:53

Eric Murray kidnapped a swan (true story) || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

Chanel Harris-Tavita on why he turned his back on pro sport || Runners Only! Podcast with Dom Harvey

October 25, 2022

01:06:46

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