00:00:00
me playing was it was just a dream
00:00:07
growing up it's a family 24 brother and sister one breast chicken was
00:00:12
for three days growing up in the street you need to survive now when i have
00:00:17
those images in my head i could hear him trying to touch me and touching himself in the same time next to the bed you
00:00:23
know i was even attaching my pajama with my shoelaces because to make sure like he can't put
00:00:30
it down and uh one day he did and i was just like terrorized so that's the
00:00:36
things i grew up with like you know i can't cry for me crying was a sign of weakness
00:00:41
when i do a video and i see a comment someone say oh patrice my dad passed
00:00:46
away i watch one of your video and i smile thank you this is more important for me than win
00:00:53
the championship or the premier league i'm not perfect and i don't want to be perfect i want to be me
00:01:06
patrice evra i've just sat here with him for an hour and a half and at the very end of the
00:01:12
conversation he said something which i think is the perfect description of the man
00:01:18
he referred to himself as an iceberg i followed him for almost two decades and he was to me this football icon this
00:01:26
tough guy this defender this champion but as he says in this conversation
00:01:32
the part of the iceberg that i never got to see was the most compelling was the most heartbreaking
00:01:38
and was the most interesting he grew up in a rough part of france with 24 brothers and sisters
00:01:46
he was sexually abused by his head teacher his brother
00:01:52
a drug addict overdosed and died his mother raised him in total poverty
00:01:57
to the point where he stole his food his shoes and his entertainment
00:02:03
he endured an early upbringing that you would never wish on any child
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an enemy or anyone at all in any circumstances ever
00:02:16
and he hid it all he hid it all for his entire life
00:02:21
and only recently has he found it within himself after very personal conversations with
00:02:27
his mother to share it with the world and only today
00:02:33
on this podcast has he decided to share some of those
00:02:38
heartbreaking details after watching him on tv for almost two decades
00:02:45
i thought i knew patrice evra this comedian football champion funny guy happy guy
00:02:54
i was wrong all i knew was the tip of the iceberg so without further ado
00:03:00
i'm stephen bartlett and this is the dire ceo i hope nobody's listening but if you are
00:03:06
then please keep this yourself
00:03:14
i've sat here with a lot of guests and sometimes i feel obliged to start with their childhoods because it seems
00:03:21
like the the foundation of most people specifically successful people tends to be the case that the things they go
00:03:27
through an early age especially with my sort of little background in childhood psychology tend to shape them the most but when i read
00:03:34
your story in your book that's just come out um having watched you on screen as a
00:03:40
manchester united fan for many many a decade and seen subsequently the guy you were on
00:03:46
instagram the hilarious entertaining person i never ever would have guessed
00:03:53
ever that that was your upbringing that was your childhood i would have guessed by
00:03:59
the person that i came to know on screen by the person that i watched on instagram i would have guessed the opposite
00:04:06
take me back so before you were 10 years old because i know that 10 years old was a really pivotal moment in your life because your father left yeah what was
00:04:12
life like before 10 it was an happy happy child a lot of people
00:04:18
inside the house sometimes you have to make sure like you're ready when mom say the food is ready
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uh it was like sleeping with two of my siblings in the same bed a single bed and you know two was sleeping that way
00:04:31
and one on that way sometimes it was like some smelly fit but we need space and it was all about like
00:04:38
sharing but i will tell you something i i was happy you know even if i was like
00:04:43
begging in front of shop you know to buy a sandwich i couldn't say in that time i wasn't happy i was like the most happy
00:04:49
child but it was like tough and maybe sometime i was just saying conscious
00:04:54
but of course i think when my dad left that's when i was like okay i'm not
00:05:01
scared of anyone in this house so now i have to grow up on my own and that's when i was like i would say more close
00:05:07
to the street because when my dad was here you know just when i was saying like that i want to go and play outside
00:05:13
with my friend he was like did you have you done your homework even i swear even if i did my homework i
00:05:19
was scared to say yes so when you say yes to him he was like okay bring me your
00:05:25
your book and i remember he was like okay which lesson you have to learn tomorrow and i
00:05:30
was like doing the lesson perfectly and he was going to the first page of the book and saying like okay tell me about this
00:05:38
and i couldn't remember i was like yeah but that we did this at the beginning you know this is like
00:05:44
okay when you learn your full book then you will be able to go outside so
00:05:49
my dad when he was at home we didn't miss anything you know we have food on the table
00:05:55
everything was perfect i i had like a big screen tv i remember we are one of the first family in where i grew up in
00:06:02
my street to have that big screen and all my friends they come so i i i couldn't i would never complain
00:06:08
when my dad was here he did his job perfectly but the only things you know
00:06:13
my dad teach me uh crying is a weakness so when he was like punishing
00:06:20
someone and you cry that's when you're gonna you're gonna beat you even more so that's the things i grew up with like
00:06:26
you know i can't cry and that's why we can talk about that toxic masculinity they understand crying is normal but for
00:06:34
me crying was a sign of weakness why did he leave
00:06:45
he lived because my mom divorced him and sometimes he was uh
00:06:50
it was violent with her and i remember you know being kids and no one asked me
00:06:56
these questions that's why i'm a little bit emotional and
00:07:01
and you know my mom was like no one man can raise his hand on me
00:07:07
so she divorced he had to leave you know she went to the police and uh
00:07:14
and he had to go and it was a tough moment because you know when you see your dad leaving no matter if you know
00:07:20
the reason he shouldn't have done that uh leave the same taking all the sofa the the big
00:07:26
tv the big screen he was with a big trunk waiting for him and we were all off my brother and
00:07:31
sister crying because you know it's your dad but at the same time what he was doing to my
00:07:38
mom he wasn't right so did you witness that yeah i think like
00:07:43
you know sometimes we try to open the door and uh if you open that door
00:07:48
you know it was uh it was really scary you know and if you when you heard your mom like
00:07:55
fighting back because to be fair my mom she's a strong woman you know and my dad uh say that now we say like
00:08:01
don't play with your mom because she's a strong woman so in in that time yeah
00:08:07
when you experience that you you just terrorize you like what's what's going on you know it's your
00:08:13
parents they should like kiss each other so yeah
00:08:19
and you look back on that moment he left obviously incredibly sad moment but are you happy that he left
00:08:24
considering the problem you know when you kid you you don't really understand
00:08:32
i was happy because my mom at the end you know she was uh
00:08:37
she was happy but to see that left leaving no matter which reason you can't
00:08:44
be happy now i understand the reason
00:08:49
i forgive him but saying i was happy no
00:08:55
so he leaves your life takes a turn after that because you've lost that figure in your life and
00:09:02
maybe a bit of i don't know restriction has left the family home so
00:09:07
you can act on other motivations and incentives and other ways to survive i guess
00:09:14
and what what's the what person did you become after that
00:09:19
i was a while like a warrior yeah
00:09:24
i think a survivor because after like i say you know it's you in the street
00:09:31
and oh oh i kill you or you kill me you know
00:09:36
when you grow up in the street that's why i hate when some people they talk about their background and they'll say
00:09:41
like oh i was a gangster no i would never call myself a gangster i was just a survivor
00:09:47
and it was difficult you know so yeah like you said when he left no more restriction
00:09:54
going out fighting outside lying to your mom
00:09:59
uh the police you know bring me one day home around 1 00 am
00:10:05
my mom was so worried like and i remember it was so funny because some words i didn't even know what they
00:10:11
mean so when they bring me back home and my mom was you know just she taught her like a
00:10:18
hand on her mouth what's going on she was you know his son you know bring back from the police and
00:10:24
i was like my mommy are just being an accomplice and she bit me like so bad
00:10:31
but now i understand is even worse you know because i was like i didn't steal i just was looking when my friend was
00:10:36
stealing and stuff like that so it was just a mess and
00:10:41
no one even my school teacher when they were talking to me at school i was like can
00:10:47
you put the volume down you're not my dad so i didn't let anyone you know talking
00:10:52
like saying you can't do this you can't do that but i always respect my mom
00:10:58
and my brother and my sister and i was a i was respectful with my friend but when
00:11:05
someone tried to give me some authority he couldn't have it because i was like
00:11:11
the one i have like the most authority on me it was my dad he left so now
00:11:16
i don't need any authority from now on and you get you start
00:11:22
i read you started stealing things yeah you started selling weed yeah i think stealing was uh was normal because i was
00:11:29
like with my friend i remember the first time i i still it was a some gum
00:11:35
and you know i was hungry up with my friend they were stealing i wasn't because i was still like having a good education for my dad for my mom
00:11:42
and to be part of the group you need to you know it's like some people when they drink because they want they find that
00:11:48
excuse to be like social so it was stealing so i started still
00:11:53
and everyone clapped me so i was like wow finally i'm part of the gun and from there you go like to deal like
00:12:00
video games uh to sell weed you know to having the best like sneakers and you know even
00:12:07
offering some stuff to your girlfriend i offer even like a perfume to my mom you know and i was so proud because
00:12:13
i was like at the end you know my dad left a few of my brother's sister left after that also so
00:12:19
i was like i'm the man i need to be in charge i need to feed my family it wasn't the right way every time
00:12:26
but at least i was like you know my mom like when i offer him like a bottle of bathroom and i see how
00:12:32
happy she was but she was like always where'd that come from and i was like lying you know it's just my friend you
00:12:39
know he he bought it for me but i was me he was myself stealing it
00:12:44
some years after your father left you did you talk about in the book and the opening chapters of the book
00:12:49
about your headmaster yeah and you were 13 years old you um
00:12:57
you ended up staying at his house and he sexually assaulted you
00:13:02
yeah i think
00:13:08
this is what's one of the most regret i had in my life to not
00:13:14
speak up in that day um how did you come to be at his house
00:13:21
it's really simple it's because uh bretty it was far from my house i have
00:13:27
to take two trains to go to school because i went to that school because it was a school where you know you're good at football
00:13:34
you after school you have to train so it wasn't an academy but it was a school where you can train also so it was a
00:13:40
good opportunity to be fair my mom was like he's good he's leaving the street because he will end up in jail or dead
00:13:46
so it's perfect for him so i i went there and i was taking like you know two train four hours sometime and
00:13:54
uh losing my uh my school bag sleeping on the train you know even sometimes end
00:13:59
up like to another destination so it was a mess and uh that school teacher ed's
00:14:04
teacher he speak to me said you won't like to stay because i live i'm living inside
00:14:10
the school you have his home inside the school so i went back home and i say to my mom
00:14:17
you know he offered that and my mom was like not sure about it at the beginning because even when i tell her i
00:14:24
would speak letter about it she she i knew it and she was like are you sure can you trust this man i was like yeah
00:14:30
he seemed nice mom so that ed teacher at the beginning everything was perfect
00:14:36
he was uh cooking for me in the evening he was letting me play as nintendo he
00:14:42
had the nintendo at the time so i was like yeah that's that's cool you know i don't need to go back home on
00:14:47
the weekend and uh i just stay here and uh
00:14:53
then every night i was in my bed and uh
00:14:59
every time he was coming you know in my room and i was the first time i was like maybe you know just say come to say good
00:15:05
night but he was uh i was sleeping and i was feeling a hand on my body and i was like
00:15:11
oh what's going on you know then he was trying to touch me but i was like holding his hand
00:15:17
so it was like a fight for for 10 minutes and i was still
00:15:23
couldn't understand i was 13 but you know i i didn't have any uh
00:15:28
sexual relation even with any girls at that time so for me was everything was new i was like what's what's going on
00:15:34
you know um we fight many times and he didn't succeed
00:15:41
and he was you know now when i have those image in my head i could hear him trying to touch me and touching himself
00:15:47
in the same time next to the bed you know then he was living and every time i was like oh it's gone so he's
00:15:54
start to become a ritual every time i go to bed he's coming
00:15:59
the same things fight everything fight fight and uh
00:16:05
one day you know i was even attaching my pajama with my late laces like i remember yeah
00:16:12
shoelaces because to make sure like he can't put it down and we feel you know he was trying like on
00:16:19
the top of my clothes but fighting said so one day he did he put my pants down
00:16:24
and he put my penis in his mouth and i was just like terrorized i remember i
00:16:32
was i just freeze you know i knock his head but i and i i
00:16:37
just freeze i couldn't i didn't understand what's going on then he left
00:16:44
then i woke up i can't even remember what happened because you know those things you just like
00:16:50
erase them from your memory so i back to school
00:16:55
i think in school i was thinking about what's what happened it's like something not normal then
00:17:01
then i went home i said mom i don't want to sleep anymore to that ed teacher she said why i said no i just don't want
00:17:10
i never tell her the reason until now so
00:17:15
after that i leave all my life with that from the street you know you come back
00:17:21
you're like imagine you tell that to one of your friends they're gonna say you know you're weak
00:17:27
i lost their stuff so [Music] even for me when i had my first sexual
00:17:34
relation it was weird because i had this man in my head
00:17:39
you know and this i never told that to anyone so i was like massively traumatized then
00:17:48
actually because all of that i back to my school where i grew up in the street and i stopped even going to that school
00:17:54
even like people were like but you're so good at football why i said i don't need it i will keep training on my own on the
00:18:00
street you know i don't want to be in that school anymore
00:18:06
so yeah i grew up with that things for so many years and what i feel as a coward
00:18:14
is when i was 24 years old not 20 years old and i was still playing for monaco at
00:18:21
the time and the police called me so i miss uh this is the number of
00:18:27
purchasers yeah um you know we got a lot of complain about that a teacher i don't even
00:18:32
remember his name i don't i could even tell you his face because i erased all of this in my memory
00:18:37
uh there's been a lot of complain about child they're being abused about that
00:18:42
teacher did he touch you no
00:18:48
are you sure yes i'm sure and i was angry even when people asked
00:18:53
me that question you know i was like oh there someone asked me about that put the phone down
00:19:00
so all this year i was like wow patrice you had the opportunity when you were 13
00:19:06
years old you didn't i will understand but now you're 20
00:19:11
and you couldn't just what because you still shame of it because you're famous you're scared of the reaction of the
00:19:17
people but doing that that day that's why growing up when people say
00:19:24
patrice you're good guys i i wasn't feeling that that way because i was feeling as a coward
00:19:30
a coward a coward yeah because he wasn't about patrice it was about the other child i let down
00:19:36
when the police call me it's about the or the child is still being abused right now
00:19:44
so coming out with this helped me a lot
00:19:49
and i have to say a massive thanks to the woman of my life margot because you know sometimes people say you need a
00:19:56
psychological but in life sometimes it's about which person you meet i'm someone i really believe in energy and to be
00:20:02
fair after that trusting anyone of psychology i would say maybe i would tell him this he don't care it's just
00:20:08
pay for that job some of them are really good i never i never met any cycle about
00:20:13
me that woman like she was a romantic partner yeah she she she make me
00:20:24
being myself and being honest with myself don't be ashamed of anything baby and i'm here
00:20:29
and i will never me patrice the tough guys don't showing emotion
00:20:35
i think a woman can you know extract those real emotions from myself
00:20:41
i was like wow 30 years old there was a day you told you shared that with her yeah can you
00:20:46
tell me about that like i say the day i share that with her it was uh
00:20:53
you know when she met me i was 38 so i was just uh retired from football
00:20:59
doing all my things and oh my god you you seem so happy
00:21:05
and such a positive man but i do you care about yourself
00:21:10
fortress i said yeah and she asked me one simple question are
00:21:16
you happy yes i'm happy i'm happy you know
00:21:23
i make you happy i make my patrice what make you happy uh
00:21:30
i'm happy no i'm just saying like i'm happy this is not an answer so she go deep
00:21:38
and we didn't talk about the subject i say no i'm fine she said no because i can see yes you're an impulsive person
00:21:45
you like to fight you say because this from the street and everything but i think you got something you got a pain
00:21:51
on your chest and you don't want i was like i'm fine i'm fine
00:21:57
then one day we watched something and it was about pedophile and stuff so
00:22:03
[Music] again she looked at my face she said like you okay
00:22:08
i said yeah i'm okay why you ask me no but tris i feel you
00:22:15
you're hiding something i say why why you you know i don't like
00:22:20
when people want to try inside go to get inside i'm fine i was still closing the door
00:22:28
if you love me you should like tell me what's going on i need to i need to know already
00:22:34
i look at her i just try crying like a baby i cry like a baby
00:22:40
she hugged me what's going on and i tell her the full story
00:22:47
so she cry she was like i knew thank you if you say that to someone
00:22:54
to the police to your mom i said no you are the first person and i don't
00:22:59
want to say to anybody else do you want to see a uh
00:23:05
do you go for do you want to go for therapy and i said i'm fine i told you
00:23:10
no patrice you're going to explode one day you need to you know let it out
00:23:18
then when i cry and i feel much better about myself
00:23:24
and i was still like you know i cry in front of her now she will take advantage of me
00:23:29
she'll think i'm weak but she was like you know baby
00:23:34
i even love you more this is a strain stop thinking this is a weakness
00:23:40
that's when she introduced me to that toxic masculinity couldn't
00:23:45
understand before she explained me what it was about like being a man is not like being strong or
00:23:53
i was like this is my education this is the way i grow up this is why the dad like many died they do the same mistake
00:23:59
and i did the same with my first child lenny sometimes he was talking to me i was
00:24:04
like you got everything why you complain come on ah daddy you know when i was doing this come on don't be awake
00:24:11
you know he's painful ah it's okay but when i think about all of that now i'm like
00:24:17
because i live with that toxic masculinity and i think men
00:24:22
like us have to change that crying is a strain
00:24:29
and you know when you grow in the streets just like holding the hand of your girlfriend is a sign of weakness
00:24:34
you're not allowed to do that so i'm discovering myself
00:24:41
we're going to believe that i'm 38 years old now i'm 40 i will start to discover myself
00:24:47
now everything makes sense that trauma make me
00:24:52
become who i am like sometimes a soldier like no emotion i'm going to do the job
00:24:58
sometime i win some trophy we celebrate it was fake i didn't i wasn't like that happy
00:25:05
if you asked me patrice are you happy now i say yes now i'm complete i'm content i feel
00:25:12
blessed and i feel lucky but when i used to play football i was a robot i was just doing my job
00:25:21
your brother you talked about the fact that you started dealing drugs back when you were younger and then your your brother
00:25:29
started taking drugs yeah this was a
00:25:37
another massive trauma you know when you wake up in the
00:25:43
in the morning and you just want to go in the toilet and you open the door and you see your your browser with uh you know
00:25:51
uh and uh oh you said a needle a needle yeah
00:25:56
and looking at you with like eyes you know like red eyes and
00:26:02
just closing the door and you have to hold on your you know if you want to pee you have to
00:26:07
hold it because it's there and he was one toilet in the whole house so and this teach me
00:26:15
to never touch any drug because i saw my brother and he lost his life because of that he
00:26:21
lost his life he died as overdose in senegal he even sell his uh his document his
00:26:26
french passport and he went in senegal and one day they called my mom my auntie say your son is
00:26:32
dead in a bathroom
00:26:37
so it was tough for me to talk about this in my book because my mom she's the son of my mom
00:26:44
and i don't have the right to talk about it in my book because we're talking about a dead person
00:26:49
but i just unfortunately this show me like taking drugs i can
00:26:55
lose my life like the same for alcohol [Music]
00:27:01
i didn't drink until i was 33 years old because for me the glass of i call it
00:27:06
was the homeless people living in my street and anyway my mom and my dad don't drink
00:27:12
so i never had that culture so that's why i couldn't understand when i came in england and people were drinking even like
00:27:18
footballer players and you know when we were going to party they were always saying to the waitress can we have a hot
00:27:23
chocolate for patrice because the alcohol and the drugs it was like
00:27:29
you're gonna end up dead poison you know you um so going back to this topic
00:27:35
of toxic masculinity it's something i've actually been thinking a lot about because my girlfriend funnily enough has
00:27:42
started to talk to me a lot about the idea this is why i was just remaining quiet and listening first but but um she
00:27:47
started talking to me a lot about the idea of the masculine and the feminine and how a rounded healthy man embodies both
00:27:54
sides of him and is able to tap into both sides of him sounds like your early years
00:27:59
um made you use one of those sides which is the masculine side as a form of self-defense in many ways as a way to
00:28:05
survive because i'm hearing what you went through and i'm thinking the you know using the feminine energy
00:28:12
the the emotion the expression of you know ones how someone feels care the
00:28:17
softness wouldn't have been conducive with survival in that situation so as you get
00:28:22
40 years on how do you then unlearn your survival technique
00:28:28
how do you how do you unlearn the the masculine defensive don't cry don't show weakness which you now know is
00:28:34
is um important for you to have good relationships romantic relationships to be balanced
00:28:41
yourself to be open to be expressive and to not self-destruct what i love about you is the way you question myself you
00:28:47
even make me think but you're right if i have this feminine you know emotion in that time
00:28:54
i won't survive because we know women are more emotional than men
00:29:00
so what you just said to me i'm like yeah patrice you want to fight against that uh
00:29:06
toxic masculinity but you're happy when you need it now because you're 40 years
00:29:11
old you don't need it anymore and you're a dad now so you're gonna teach you're gonna teach but i'll be honest
00:29:16
with you that's why you know my woman was scared when we have our son
00:29:22
uh she was like patrice before he evolved i don't want him to be
00:29:28
like you wow she put that on my face what do you mean
00:29:34
yeah i want him to be determined passion funny positive
00:29:40
but i don't want him to have your emotion yeah i was like but i think you know
00:29:48
when he cry i would say like don't don't cry she was that's exactly what i'm talking about
00:29:53
when you cry i want you to say it's okay let your emotion out
00:29:58
but it's difficult for me at the beginning so i was like nah
00:30:03
i want i don't want him to cry when he fall and everything and the funny part
00:30:10
is when she was still pregnant uh you know one woman this is more about
00:30:17
relationship because now i know relationship is not just about love it's about caring and communication
00:30:23
you know i don't want to be like now the priest or because when i talk like there's so many people like that oh i wish my husband is like you know
00:30:30
i've been the bad guys too so don't get me wrong but now i'm more like
00:30:37
feeling like so back to that moment we were in the car
00:30:44
she was with a drink and i said don't drink because he's bumpy and you're gonna and she hate like you know having
00:30:50
mark on her she drink but fall on the shirt yes we're not sure she
00:30:55
cry i promise you steve i cry instantly with her because
00:31:02
i feel her i feel a a sadness
00:31:09
the the whole patrice will be like but come on why are you crying just because you speak common
00:31:14
but in that moment i didn't i wasn't focused on the the reason why she's crying i was like just on the
00:31:21
emotion she's crying she's in pain you don't need to fix it
00:31:26
she need a hug the moment she saw me crying she stopped crying she stopped crying straight away
00:31:36
and for me it was new i was like what's going on i can't even feel your pain you know
00:31:42
sometimes you say you love someone but this is like a deep love like even now she cry i cry automatically even now
00:31:50
we're talking when she's next to me i miss her i never experienced that
00:31:56
and now he's so special so to come back to my son
00:32:01
when he cry now you know my woman can be ah come on leela
00:32:07
i'm like but it's okay you know it must be a reason it's because he's angry so
00:32:13
i'm the one softer now so that's what i'm like wow but
00:32:18
you're just a different man we had a rule if we argue because don't get me wrong we argue like normal couple we're not
00:32:25
special but it's just like we don't put it under the carpet we fix it
00:32:31
but not like we force it in a natural way when for example we argue straight away
00:32:37
and she said we need to talk because women say we need to talk i'm not ready we need to talk i'm not no give me my
00:32:42
space then i come back okay let's talk about it i'm apologize but i'm apologize because
00:32:49
i mean it not because you forced me to apologize and you're not trying to win i'm not
00:32:54
trying to win and then i understand i'm like okay baby how lucky we are
00:33:00
the special love we have right now like i will never believe the way i believe in love right now that's why i'm
00:33:06
encouraging all the kids the next generation this love exists
00:33:12
but it exists so the it's again you you it sounds like you're just recounting my life specifically over i met i met a
00:33:19
lady she's called uh i would say melanie and she she was very keen on she said
00:33:26
very similar things to me she was like there's something you've not told me about et cetera and her real sort of drive with me has been trying to make me
00:33:32
tap into the feminine side of me which again means opening up being vulnerable removing my ego
00:33:38
when we argue it's to try and solve a problem as opposed to trying to win and that also and she slowly got this
00:33:44
different person out of me in my previous relationship snapping wow leave i'll just leave right yeah and in this
00:33:51
one it's like she lets me speak i let her speak okay sometimes we but we're both trying to
00:33:58
understand the person and the thing that really changed it's funny because when you talked about that day when you opened up with your partner about what
00:34:04
had gone on she created a safe space and once you have that safe space and you learn that this is a safe space this
00:34:10
relationship is a safe space you don't have to be that person you are in the streets right you don't even have
00:34:16
to be the person you are in the group chat on whatsapp you can cry you can say babe i i feel insecure i feel triggered
00:34:23
and that for me has been this like tremendous catalyst in myself because now i can really investigate myself with
00:34:29
someone right and know that they're not gonna laugh at me or think i'm not a man yeah
00:34:34
because i'm crying or because i'm i've got feelings right and that that meant that again when you just described the
00:34:40
way you feel about her the sense like when she's not by your side you didn't know a love like this existed i was
00:34:45
saying that this morning i've just left her in indonesia and i was saying i didn't realize i could have a
00:34:51
relationship like this with someone where every argument we have heals our relationship to a stronger
00:34:57
place it doesn't leave a scratch or a scar which that's the thing you know but
00:35:02
you you resume it perfectly and like you say sometimes when we have a discussion like
00:35:08
we all love even get even more stronger stronger because we are in love with each other but what i like what you say
00:35:14
a word safe yeah safe space it's a safe space feeling safe yeah yeah allow to be
00:35:19
yourself i'll say that to my girlfriend now so i'll say this sounds like i've never said this before but i'll literally say to her i need a safe space
00:35:26
and that means that i'm about to say some things which might trigger you might make you unhappy but i need to say
00:35:31
it because it's how i feel so i'll literally say give me a safe space yeah and that means listen to me but it but
00:35:37
exactly you know i think is it it's easy to to listen to someone but to understand the person you know to
00:35:44
saying i heard you this is different yeah you mean you really understand because you can talk
00:35:50
for many hours i'm like yeah i'm listening yeah you're not you're waiting to speak you're building your your argument
00:35:56
against no but but exactly but what you say i think we're really similar and
00:36:02
i i was excited to come today and i'm even more happy to be here and to keep like talking we can talk i think many
00:36:09
hours and i just feel like so open even talking about you you asked me a few questions
00:36:15
about why my dad lived many things like it was not easy to not cry no
00:36:20
i like that but this is something this is something that men need to hear and you think about just from what we've
00:36:26
both learned from our stories there with relationships but just even two men having a conversation like this
00:36:31
how how freeing that is for us how it's healing for us but also it allows us to
00:36:38
form relationships which are real and deep and meaningful where we don't want to be running out in the street and so i
00:36:45
it's you know it's one of the real things i think is going to form a big part of my life too as you've successfully done
00:36:50
with this book is trying to tell men without having to meet the women like we met how to be in touch with their
00:36:57
the true i don't even say the feminine side the the full version of themself
00:37:03
i absolutely i think i no but i i absolutely agree with you because it's a challenge because we have a little help
00:37:10
because we find someone like you say we feel open and we can you know you can be
00:37:15
yourself but yeah i think we we should fight with that toxic masculinity because
00:37:21
it's not good even for yourself but even for your children for many for many reasons
00:37:27
but you test me by saying patrice if you didn't have that masculine you know
00:37:33
masculinity toxic masculinity how you will be able to survive in that when you were that kid
00:37:38
and i would look at you straight away and say no so
00:37:44
it's a good subject and i hope if you want to debate more about it i will be a good client
00:37:52
either way we have to unlearn it right we have to underline it once we've realized that it's not serving us and
00:37:57
that is admittedly a very slow process one that goes you know because even i some i have to
00:38:04
be very aware of that part of me the masculine ego part of me and i always
00:38:09
think with trauma and with these kinds of things you never actually fully recover i i think the most important thing is to
00:38:15
put out in front of you so that it's no longer controlling your life from the back room and ruining your relationships
00:38:21
and stuff just for me like i've got a lot of traumas from my childhood with my parents and what their relationship i
00:38:27
still have them and i just have them out in front of me and the power they have over me is diminished i know what the triggers are
00:38:34
i know i understand them and i just want to keep them out in front of me so i can hopefully live a happy life
00:38:41
quick one it's now the fourth quarter of the year we're coming into the winter months here in the uk november december january
00:38:48
these are always according to my apple watch the months where my diet and my fitness
00:38:53
fall off every single year and for me that means i tend to resort to junk food
00:38:59
and i tend to stop going to the gym and working out and this is why for me in the fourth quarter
00:39:05
hewell is now my savior i really really really mean that if
00:39:10
you're the type of person that can resonate what i've just said and tends to fall off with your diet and your fitness in the fourth quarter one thing
00:39:17
i suggest you do is order a huge subscription get it in your fridge because for me if it's there i'll drink
00:39:24
it if it's not i'll probably have a pizza at 4am in the morning and fries and a burger and
00:39:30
an oreo milkshake so having it in my home makes health
00:39:35
convenience so order your heel subscription join me on this journey i'm announcing something soon actually for
00:39:41
people that want to get in shape in the new year i'm super excited to talk to you about that and um
00:39:46
cure your diet avoiding junk food being healthy vitamins minerals proteins
00:39:51
and no crap is going to be a big part of that and for me that's that's why huell is in my life
00:39:57
football bit of a segue um
00:40:04
you're very good at football i'm trying to figure out what like how you became so good at football with all
00:40:10
of that stuff happening in your life and that culture you're in and what football was for you as a young man that's
00:40:15
everything so football saved my life when my friend they were stealing to get
00:40:21
away from the stealing i was like training on my own even when it was snowing but come on patrice you're never
00:40:27
going to to succeed anywhere you from the street you you're uh you're a black person you will never gonna make it you
00:40:34
know just find a white girlfriend with a lot of money that's what's the the way the people yeah i think in my street
00:40:41
stop you know you look cute you can just find a girl and you know i was like no you know i love football and i need to training every day i remember even at
00:40:48
school sometime when uh we went to school and the teacher couldn't make it because of the traffic or the snow and
00:40:55
they were like okay we're free some kids they wanted to go back home i was like no no it's a football pitch just next to
00:41:01
the school we have to play and i was fretting them sometimes they couldn't like some kid i was like if you don't come i'm gonna beat you
00:41:08
and they were coming and training yeah i was forcing people to play football with me why
00:41:14
it's an addiction i don't know it was my reason of living is it your escape
00:41:21
i think i could say it was both it was my escape but it was also my love my passion
00:41:26
just when you gave me like a football ball he was like everything for me you know i remember that a teacher
00:41:32
the first day you you come at school and they ask what you want to become later and many people were lawyers uh
00:41:38
policeman many good job doctor and and me she was looking right um reading
00:41:45
what i was my note and footballer player but i didn't even know what was footballer player i was like i play
00:41:50
football but so a footballer player and she was taking my note in front of
00:41:55
everyone and she was like patrice think football player is a job and
00:42:01
everyone was laughing everyone my friend i was looking so and she was going even deeper she was uh
00:42:08
but you know if he's a trial and 300 kid they will pick one kid
00:42:14
do you think he's going to be you i was like yes and everyone was even more laughing
00:42:20
but at the end now i don't want to get any revenge with that teacher
00:42:26
i just want to make sure she don't say the same things to other kids because me in that time
00:42:31
i was really strong mentally so no one you know can project their own fear because some people i hate those
00:42:38
people once i'm going to this no you can't because they try to projecting their own failure on you
00:42:44
me now if the kids i was you know i see some some kid at the school in
00:42:49
manchester and i was like if you want to become the president of the universe go for it you're going to have a lot of
00:42:57
enemies and make a lot of sacrifices there's no president of the universe i know it doesn't exist that's what i mean
00:43:02
but that's what i mean i'm like even though like the job doesn't exist go for it go for it
00:43:08
if you dream about it and that's that's what's the beauty of me when i was child like everyone like i did a
00:43:14
trial at psg and i did everything perfect at the end you
00:43:20
say you're too small and you're from the street and we scare
00:43:26
you're going to steal things in the dressing room yeah that's right psg that's what the coach told me
00:43:32
and they didn't take me just for those two reasons so so i have a lot of like you won't make
00:43:39
it and more people do that more i'm like that's why i say i'm lucky mentally i
00:43:45
can't tell you why i'm that strong maybe about from my dad my mom or all the things that i have to survive but this
00:43:52
was even making me more stronger did you have a plan b no
00:43:58
i didn't have any plan b this was all or nothing
00:44:03
and that's the scary things when i think about it now because some of my friends or some people they were like patrice
00:44:09
you know school is important you should have your diploma and stuff i was like i want to be a footballer
00:44:16
player but i get in shock when i knew actually playing football
00:44:21
you can win money i wasn't aware about that like when i signed my first contract when i was 17
00:44:27
i didn't care about the money in that time it will make you laugh you know what i was most happy is when i saw my
00:44:34
track suit on the on the bed and i wear it and i was looking myself in the mirror and i was
00:44:40
oh my god and i went downstairs to join the team and i see all the players sitting the table and people coming to
00:44:46
serving them the food he was like remember like three fork on one side three knife on what side
00:44:53
i call my mom i say mom [Music] i'm even like this is paradise
00:44:59
people serving us the food i've got like three now i've got a tracksuit we all dressed the same and my mom cried at the
00:45:05
phone i remember that day so
00:45:11
you know when people ask me what is your best memory when you play football that was my best memory
00:45:19
not winning the champions league or when i was 17 you know that kid and
00:45:26
just just having food and a normal track set
00:45:34
make me so happy and that's my best memory i had since i played football
00:45:43
because you'd made it i made it that day i was like i made it mama
00:45:51
i won't be in the street anymore i won't have to survive to fight i won't have to beg money
00:45:59
so it was just crazy and even in that time even some people they still take
00:46:04
advantage because when i signed my first contract actually
00:46:09
i signed a paper with the mafia the italian mafia and i was their
00:46:15
property and i didn't doubt i found out this when after i wanted to move for is homer
00:46:22
and is roma we say we have to call off the deal because you're the property of that man and he
00:46:29
was a guy he's from the mafia and actually on that time i remember when i first my my first contract
00:46:35
i was earning uh it was like 50 pound now per month
00:46:40
and we had like five months where they didn't pay us uh
00:46:46
i remember my mom and my brother they come to visit me in sicily and you know a breast chicken
00:46:52
one breast chicken was for three days we had to cut it like in cube little cube
00:46:58
i remember she was like twisting in a little bag and that's it that was for the meal for
00:47:04
some time we had only one meal per day but i was happy and i remember my mom come to visit me in sicily
00:47:10
and she cried she said but what you doing here you know i was like
00:47:16
mommy i just love football she was like but you have nothing look where you live i was you know it
00:47:22
was like if you see my first flight i mean like they allowed me to live on that flat it was disaster but i was
00:47:29
happy because i had football and every time when i was training or when we played
00:47:35
the game i was scared to the referee to to blow the final whistle
00:47:41
because i was like what i'm going to do now i'm back to the reality
00:47:46
so for me playing was it was just a dream
00:48:00
hard to imagine it's hard to how to imagine how how difficult life must be for you to
00:48:08
not want the whistle to blow on a on a football game is
00:48:15
was there a moment where where that changed and where you no longer started to dread the final
00:48:21
whistle blowing because your life off the pitch was somewhere to look forward to
00:48:26
it is when i uh i get rid of those people around me and the the mafia and i i signed with a new
00:48:34
agent and uh i signed for nice so i go back to france a bigger salary
00:48:40
i think i was uh earning something like 3k per month
00:48:46
so much better life be able to even help my mom and
00:48:52
from that moment i was like okay now i'm safe i'm safe and after you know i signed for
00:48:58
monaco of course and i keep my word i say you know when my dad left and in school
00:49:05
they gave you like a little money and my dad was taking this money to send it to
00:49:10
senegal to my older brother and sister so i remember my sister
00:49:15
[Music] went after my mom like you know with true lawyers and everything she get that
00:49:21
money from the school and not my dad anymore my sister get that money and she go to
00:49:26
buy like some makeup and everything i was like shame on you oh man like she's feeding us every
00:49:34
single day like and why you don't give that money and i i said me mommy i don't want
00:49:39
anything this is for you because you were living in your roof you're feeding us every day this is for
00:49:45
no but patrice this is for you mommy i don't need this and i say mom when i'm gonna have my big contract the
00:49:52
first things i'm gonna do because that's what's my motivation is to buy a house to my mom and i did it and i think that
00:49:59
was one of the most pride moment of my life because i say to my mom and i keep my word and i
00:50:06
bought her a house in senegal before i bought of course with my money when i play for monaco my
00:50:12
porsche and everything cars because i like cars not now anymore because i understand how
00:50:18
stupid it is but yeah that was uh one of my biggest achievements
00:50:25
must have been proud right my mom my mom cry every time she see me
00:50:31
because uh sometimes she's like you don't unders many things you don't know patrice
00:50:37
like when you wear like alone and no one wanted to help us
00:50:42
and now that's why it's so funny when suddenly you are someone and people they like your auntie come back or your ankle
00:50:49
but they weren't there when you know we need them the most so she always cries she said i'm too nice
00:50:54
but me i'm like i don't have any hate in my heart it's difficult
00:51:01
and uh manchester united i'm uh yeah
00:51:06
i can't i can't imagine what that would have been like getting a getting a call that that's uh but you will laugh because
00:51:13
before united i was that being of i will call it overconfident and arrogant
00:51:19
i was playing for monaco i reached the final of champions league being named four time in the world the
00:51:25
best left back in the french league playing for the national team
00:51:30
so i remember my agent came and he said patrice you know in january he says like teams like inter liverpool
00:51:37
manchester united i say yeah cool
00:51:43
i say and what stuck in my head when he say manchester
00:51:48
united cantona really yeah cantona you know yeah yeah the colors
00:51:53
yeah wow i said okay man should say i swear cantona yeah because i wasn't following
00:51:59
really yeah i can tell you something i i don't watch football you're supposed to say it was a childhood dream yeah
00:52:05
it was just like it's just me i'm playing football so watching football is like going to work that's when i was young but now as a pundit i have to
00:52:12
watch football game but it's something i've never been interested in and it's something i never enjoyed so i didn't
00:52:18
know although sometimes i was watching some results manchester united because of cantona so
00:52:23
i say to me yeah okay he said you should go to manchester i think manchester should you say why not
00:52:30
then we met uh sir alex ferguson because at that time you know i still playing for
00:52:35
monaco so you can't be approached by another team you know you broke the rules
00:52:40
so we met uh in the airport in a secret room yeah
00:52:48
a secret yeah and that day that interview was like being
00:52:55
interviewed by the fbi it was like do you smoke do you drink
00:53:00
do you like to party are you ready to not lose one game are you ready to not even draw a game
00:53:07
yes sir alex yeah he shake my hands he said now you shake my hands
00:53:13
so that's you know playing for my united or everything i say that's what you you will have to do and all the stuff even
00:53:18
if some people they drink and they do many things but it was about more the winning mentality
00:53:24
and when he shake mine he looked straight in my eyes and when you look straight at his eyes you make sure you
00:53:30
don't disappoint him so what i love about ferguson is that they
00:53:35
also say you know son we know your background you know where you come from but just be yourself
00:53:42
i won't change you i just want you to bleed for united for the fun for the people for manchester you know
00:53:49
uh work ethic and it was already in my dna so when i
00:53:55
joined united i was like finally i can be myself because even in france playing for monaco when sometimes
00:54:02
i was saying like i want to be the best left back oh i am the best oh he's too arrogant is this so
00:54:10
the french media they didn't understand me they were like you know it's two argon and i win also the the youngest french
00:54:17
player in the league and normally only striker like angry zidane i was the first defender to win those kind of
00:54:23
trophies so i was like overconfident so when i joined manchester and ferguson
00:54:29
tell me all those words it was a different story i was like finally i can express myself
00:54:34
like cantona say you know in france they will build him the guillotine in manchester they will
00:54:42
build him a statue and that's the truth because in manchester they let you be yourself you
00:54:47
know even if you know you have to kick a fan or stuff they will still be behind they know is wrong
00:54:54
but you still feel the support you still feel you're part of the family so we're going to accept you
00:54:59
you know the way you are and that's what's really important even
00:55:05
if i think everyone knew the story of my first game i think i said well
00:55:11
yeah just crazy because i just
00:55:16
came back i just trained with the team three days we are the derby against manchester city
00:55:23
playing at 12 i never played 12 in my life apart when i was kid but never play at 12.
00:55:29
come for the breakfast nine i see mikhail silvestro luisa of my my
00:55:35
french teammate eating beans you know pasta i'm not a good breakfast
00:55:40
guy so i start doing the same you know i'm like okay in this league you know we need to to eat because he's a strong
00:55:46
league i eat i feel sick i went in my room i vomit
00:55:52
i said i need to call the doc and you need to say to the manager i can't play that game but i was like patrice you just sign
00:55:58
you can't say that again toxic masculinity they will say i'm weak i'm scared
00:56:04
i play i say i play don't ask me why you know in manchester it's never sunny in nine
00:56:10
years i just done like three barbecue in nine years that day was so hot the sun was like on
00:56:18
my i was like dude i'm back to monte carlo i was like what's going on here i remember the first
00:56:25
the first bowl trevor sinclair just headbutted me i was cut straight away he
00:56:30
was like welcome to england welcome to the premier league and in one point one point i was again the post i remember
00:56:36
you know when you have those bubble the cartoon and you you know writing what you think about
00:56:41
i was like oh my god what the hell i'm doing here the football is so fast so
00:56:46
strong i should have kept chilling in monte carlo [Music]
00:56:52
losing to nil half time ferguson gave the air dryer to everyone and he come to me say you
00:56:58
now you sit and you learn the english football so i didn't understand because you know i didn't speak very well
00:57:04
english and carlos carius was the one like translating and i put my you know the
00:57:10
doctor was like cleaning my blood and and i put my and carlos girl said no no patrice is it's over it's finished like
00:57:16
you serve so imagine me playing for france best left back
00:57:23
being served after the first 45 minutes but he get even worse and worse after that
00:57:29
so we lost the game i back home and my italian agent with his wife were
00:57:34
staying with me in my flat and my agent looked at me like this he
00:57:40
said patrice i'm sorry say what he said should never broke you in
00:57:45
manchester i'm sorry you should have stayed in monaco you know and his wife on the
00:57:50
background looking at me i promise you that that day i was so low i was like even my own
00:57:58
agent he don't believe in me anymore i was like wow so after that i know i play a liverpool
00:58:04
game a good game we win 1-0 rio ferdinand scored the winning goal and everything and i had a great game so he
00:58:09
backed but the first six months was really difficult for me and nemanja vidic we came we arrive at the same time
00:58:14
we even play with the reserve and we get sub half time again in the reserve
00:58:20
imagine me and nemanja vidic in the shower i remember i said oh my asians say you
00:58:26
know is homer i will maybe go back in italy vidiq was like okay i will go to small school also they want me back and
00:58:32
stuff so all of that my teammates were laughing rio
00:58:38
when rooney went in the training i was like sleeping and they were like laughing when someone was you know
00:58:44
shoulder you they were laughing and i remember one day port schools when i make it when you respect me say you know
00:58:50
patrice i i think you are like a joker i i even asked like the boss if he can
00:58:55
sell you back to monaco but for free send you back for free yeah and i look at them you know all those
00:59:02
things you know when i saw my teammate laughing when i was not playing a game he didn't put me down i was like i'm
00:59:08
going to show them what is the real patrice because it's difficult when you come to a club like you know
00:59:14
end of january because you know you miss half of the season so after i missed the world cup
00:59:20
my fellow french teammates luisa and michael they went to the world cup 2006 i was filming
00:59:27
i back to monaco i was in the gym all the summer i was looking the french national team
00:59:33
reaching the final of world cup but they lose against italy so i was like okay i understand the
00:59:39
football in england now it's like you have to be strong first then after you can play with your feet so i get so
00:59:45
muscle everything i came back to the pre-season we had a pre-season in south africa i was the man the the man of the
00:59:52
tournament and i remember mick phil and the second coach he came and he shake my hand said now you are united players
00:59:58
from that day even before the season start i know i will make it and the rest is history
01:00:04
you played in a lot of teams i sat here with ray ferdinand as well i asked him a very similar question
01:00:11
what was it that made manchester united achieve the success they achieved
01:00:18
this is so many things you know when you say i can say like the wall getting the discipline
01:00:23
uh the passion the i think he's also the character
01:00:29
personality i think ferguson he wanted to meet player in person to
01:00:34
see if he can feel their character their personality is they going to be ready to
01:00:40
to handle the pressure pressure playing for manchester the pressure is a gift
01:00:46
it's a privilege like i want to add pressure like i didn't want ferguson to say
01:00:52
you play a good game i want ferguson like to give me the air trial it was a little bit like it's it's really weird
01:00:59
but i didn't expect any compliment like for me playing for under sir alex ferguson and manchester
01:01:04
united i wasn't i never scared of anyone i never scared of sir alex ferguson but i was scared to
01:01:11
disappointing him so it's about respect what make manchester united was like
01:01:17
i have many coaches that say winning is important but ferguson winning in united is normal
01:01:22
like the goal is to win like four trophy per season i will i will tell you a story
01:01:29
when we won the champions league in 2008 exciting we went on the plane putting
01:01:36
the music loud you know dancing ryan giggs look at me can can you know
01:01:41
can you put this i was like hey we just win the champions league and the premier league yeah but you know we need to sleep we need to rest
01:01:48
okay that's that's weird we land ferguson i remember we were on the bus
01:01:55
and he take the mic he said congratulations well done i'm proud of you to be in the
01:02:01
champion of europe but uh next year if you don't want to win it again
01:02:07
i will end many contract of many player of you if you don't i don't feel the same passion and the same anger
01:02:13
now because it was the euro 2008 now go and enjoy having the and use the
01:02:19
f word with your with your national team boom no parade no celebration with the
01:02:26
fan i remember i went home and i was with my back i drop it i was like
01:02:32
this is the feeling of winning the champions league and the league i was like wow but the problem
01:02:39
you become a robot so you're not even happy when you win the league the years and years i was you
01:02:46
know when we celebrate and uh it was fake inside he was just pretending
01:02:52
of course it's a release it's an achievement but because you just become a machine a robot
01:02:58
winning that's the only things matter and that's why he could it cost to play for man united but also sacrifice
01:03:06
you know when i talk about sacrifice i'm not shame about you even have to sacrifice your own
01:03:12
family that's what i did i gave you an example
01:03:17
you know my first son lenny he was three years old and i came back home one day and he was
01:03:24
crying i said why are you crying he said because i hate manchester united i say
01:03:30
why he said because they they took my dad away and you know the united fan they have a
01:03:36
flag where they united kids and wife in that order i never
01:03:41
laugh in that flag a lot of people laugh and ever because that's that's the the that's what it caused me
01:03:48
to succeed at united was united united that's why i had a really strong relationship with ferguson because
01:03:55
he knew i don't need manchester united i love manchester united and i could like
01:04:02
die for this club and i still could die for this club for the fan and for any manager
01:04:08
so to play for manchester united it costs you
01:04:14
your life your normal life you you're part of another family
01:04:20
it's interesting because when you were younger you had a problem with authority exactly ferguson is the ultimate
01:04:26
authority i still in different way i still you know
01:04:33
ferguson sometimes he child on me i was stood up facing like i was like
01:04:41
if you go far i don't know i don't guarantee nothing will happen but it's also i was i wanted to make sure
01:04:49
i didn't want to disobey in front of people this is really important because you always question
01:04:55
you know the coach if you answer back and that's why i also say to kids when the manager
01:05:00
talk you should never answer back in the in front of the people but you can go after and that's what i was
01:05:07
doing with ferguson so i tell you one game we play against tottenham winning tune
01:05:13
in halftime playing the best game in my life i promise you i was like wow on fire came back in the dressing room in
01:05:19
some water people oh my god patrice you're on fire everything i said ferguson said when he sit and he
01:05:26
doesn't speak for for three minutes or five like you you mean like someone is in trouble i look
01:05:32
at him he look at me said patrice you okay and me yeah yeah i'm okay boss yeah
01:05:41
are you tired seriously i look around if he was like a prank if he was some camera
01:05:48
even people were like what i said no he said why you passed the ball back to van
01:05:53
der sar i say because i i didn't have any solution forward and that was the only
01:05:59
path i passed because i like to play forward if you do that again
01:06:05
i will you will come and watch the the rest of the game next to me and you use the many f words he said
01:06:11
this is the worst game you playing since you played for manchester united that's why i stood up i was like what's going
01:06:18
on this is this is like this is it was like you shouldn't if you pass the ball back
01:06:23
again i promise you you will never play for and justice like i stand up
01:06:29
but i keep my mouth shut i was biting my lips even people they were in shock they were
01:06:35
scared like gigs everyone was like what's going on came back they're going off
01:06:41
we beat tottenham foreign and everything after the game everyone oh my god don't
01:06:46
listen to him patrice you were on fire yeah did my shower quickly i remember then i couldn't wait to sleep
01:06:53
and to come back the next day next day i come happen what is it i opened the door oh
01:07:01
patrice how are you my son say boss oh i am what happened yesterday
01:07:07
patrice you were the best player on the beach but you know cristiano was started
01:07:13
doing some skill some player they were like missing stood uh chance to score you know when you play for my united
01:07:18
when you score one goal you have to score second when you score second you have to score third goal you have to respect the people they come to watching
01:07:25
i was like wait a minute boss you were the best player my son ali get out of my office
01:07:33
ffc i want french fc
01:07:38
uh annie was like whistling singing and laughing then i came out of the office
01:07:44
i was like actually you know i could take the the fire he
01:07:49
wanted to send a message to the other player the christiana cristiano and many of the player
01:07:57
to keep focus and to respect tottenham but he he picked the best player on the pitch to send that message automatically
01:08:05
or the other player they were like if he's killing the best player in the pitch better
01:08:11
but that's what i'm talking about managing that's very
01:08:18
you had a bust up with fergie in 2007 yeah when he didn't play you oh yeah he
01:08:24
promised he'd play you then didn't play oh yeah is uh
01:08:29
this was a and even now and even i'm going to see him uh on saturday
01:08:35
i never asked him the real reason so it's simple
01:08:40
i've played every cup game effect game i've been named the best left back in
01:08:46
the premier league it was like you know competition with me and enzo but i i play more game and anyway
01:08:54
the final before the the day before the final he did the team now he come we
01:09:00
were walking with carlos carriers and it was unfortunately an article on the on the paper
01:09:07
and a big title in the sun and it was like patrice evra
01:09:12
x drug dealer uh gangster and a first page
01:09:18
wow you know what they did they went to my where i grew up they questioned many of my friends
01:09:24
and all of my friends they said yes yeah you know we were fighting you know doing this and
01:09:30
you know and they said but patrice is an example for us because he made it
01:09:35
so that pepper is that telling oh i was a gangster and everything so it was a front page
01:09:41
and the day before the game ferguson we were walking going to train and he said ah patrice ah we need to talk you know
01:09:50
say what's the matter boss you say you know the the glazer the owner they call me and uh
01:09:55
you know for the club for the image of the club you know next gangster and stuff is you know it's not good i think i won't
01:10:02
play you tomorrow i was like but bossy no i'm joking and he was kind
01:10:08
of like too curious oh i got him you know he was scared no no don't worry
01:10:14
we train the first level on the team everything perfect the the day of the
01:10:21
game in the morning i like to put music i remember in the ferguson allowed you also to order your breakfast in your
01:10:27
room you don't need to go downstairs and dancing it's okay i think it's the room service
01:10:32
open the door so alex ferguson he said son
01:10:37
uh i'm gonna put you in the bench ends are gonna start but you know what i know you're going to
01:10:44
win the game for us you know it's really warm wembley you're going to come in i need some speed sometimes you're going
01:10:49
to win the game i know you disappointed i said i am very disappointed
01:10:54
he said i know i know son but trust me and hit up he left so i remember
01:11:00
after 10 minutes he asked me to warm up we weren't playing well i warm up for 80 minutes it was even
01:11:06
like the smoking like i was like first of all i was really angry and i was like running like crazy mad because i needed
01:11:14
like you know they all this frustration has to come out we lost one nil against chelsea
01:11:20
i remember we went to take uh the medal i take it i'd throw it on the grass
01:11:27
ferguson check tried to shake my hand i didn't shake his hand so first first time in my life i didn't respect him
01:11:33
uh my agent was there why you don't play i said go to us you're a manager people from manchester are you injury patriots
01:11:40
no go to us to your manager i say to my agent i need to go i don't want to play
01:11:45
for my united anymore find me a club no patrice i need to go i don't want to play for my united anymore.
01:11:51
uh it was the party everyone was like with the family and stuff i wasn't smiling and uh
01:11:58
three days later ferguson called me and they say actress i'm sorry i should have played you uh
01:12:05
i hope uh you're not too upset and uh and because he told me that
01:12:10
i automatically forgive him but i still don't know the reasons especially what's happening
01:12:17
in the favor and the joke and i never asked him the reason
01:12:23
but yeah i was uh that's that's it that's what i was i don't want to play for united anymore are you going to ask
01:12:28
him no because i'm someone you know i know you see a lot of my
01:12:34
interview and my stuff and even watch my videos so maybe he's going to tell me one day but i
01:12:40
don't ask i don't ask people i i just like to people they are free if they want to say something about
01:12:46
something just tell me i don't like to ask people does it bother you uh when i talk about it
01:12:53
just think like yeah but not really because at the end the rest of my career for united and the
01:12:59
love i've got for this man you know history so no but it's just like again my past
01:13:05
maybe my past cost me you know my starting 11 but
01:13:10
forgiveness the topic of forgiveness um
01:13:16
suarez suarez um in an altercation on the pitch he called
01:13:22
you negrito i was watching that game which is a offensive word for um a black person
01:13:30
that incident was a um was a bit of a media circus wasn't it yeah
01:13:36
but i will never expect that because uh
01:13:41
so like you say and he called me enough unfortunately for him i speak uh spanish and
01:13:49
i say what did you say and he said again the n word and he said anyway i don't speak with
01:13:56
any n the n word so i remember in that time i was like
01:14:02
this is this is when i was like also proud of myself because i was talking to myself
01:14:07
should i punch him but patrice this is a liverpool manchester all the kids are watching this game or
01:14:15
it's people won't understand so i promise you this i had an amazing first half the second half i was just
01:14:21
like it was a process talking to my don't do it you know when you have like a the devil and an angel don't do it do
01:14:27
it don't do it do it all the game i wasn't in the game and i played okay it was fine we drew and after the game i
01:14:33
just sat and ferguson saw me and he was like patrice uh what's the matter you know you had a good game what's the
01:14:39
matter i said no uh david de gea i say suarez call him uh a negrito
01:14:46
i was like patrice let's go take me we went to the raw for the referee we tell him he take note but by the way
01:14:53
even in the on the pitch i said to the referee did you hear what he just said he called
01:14:58
me with the n word come on patrice he called me with the n word play play play we're going to deal with that letter
01:15:07
because i forget to always mention that in his long time and every interview i never say that and that referee we're
01:15:12
going to deal with that later really he called you that yes he did okay
01:15:18
so we went to the official we tell he said yeah patrice told me about that so he was aware so ferguson like kill him
01:15:24
so you were aware and why you didn't send him off yeah okay we're gonna deal with that and you know to the english federation so
01:15:31
the next day boom front page uh suarez you know
01:15:37
racially abused but you server well i didn't expect that so
01:15:43
i don't know how possible i start to become a liar i start to become
01:15:50
people in jail in liverpool send many letters of they're going to kill me when they're
01:15:55
going to come out of jail people start following me with my car
01:16:00
i had for three months uh 24 hours like security but can i be honest with you
01:16:05
uh my brothers and my family they were like scared but i was like guys we don't need that because i'm from the streets
01:16:11
so come on we don't need protection but the freight we're real that's why my united say patrice
01:16:17
even if you don't need that we need so for for three months like 24 hours and everything so
01:16:23
unbelievable but the worst part is when we watch a game
01:16:28
with all the player and ferguson and we saw the liverpool player came out with that shirt and support this one and the
01:16:35
worst part he was like he get banned so it's not like they do it when
01:16:41
before he get the ban he get banned because after he lie he said you know in my country we use the word like i know
01:16:47
they use nero but no negrito negrito is the n word nero is the color and even i always say to people you
01:16:54
don't have to call me by my caller my mom gave me a name i don't need to be anywhere so with the camera they could
01:17:02
see with his lips like he said the n word and they support him and he was kevin
01:17:07
douglas i remember i hate so much kevin douglas to let this happen that day and the karma he gets sacked after one month
01:17:15
after that game so i did a a tv show with uh jimmy garger
01:17:20
and uh i promise you i jamie like you know [Music] we we start talking and he say patrice i
01:17:28
just would like to apologize about what's happening nine years ago what we have done is wrong i was in
01:17:34
shock seriously i didn't expect that i was like wow okay he say we didn't know you know the club
01:17:40
tell us to do that and after that i received like a letter from the owner of liverpool
01:17:46
uh emails saying like we most we saw you more than welcome here and everything you can feel home i will never feel home
01:17:52
when i go to liverpool thank you for that but it was so nice and i know many of my friends they were like patrice uh
01:18:00
um you should you should forgive them i say guys it's never it's never too late
01:18:05
and i don't have any hate and and i keep saying i can't call luis suarez a racist because i don't know him close enough to
01:18:12
call him that way but in that day he used some racist word and he get even worse for him
01:18:18
when about the handshake that's when i was like okay it's a disgrace
01:18:24
because even when i called my mom and my mom said the way indicate patrice you should forgive
01:18:29
and i remember that game was one of the most like topic was the handshake
01:18:36
it wasn't even liverpool that's when i see like he was bigger than the that that things was bigger
01:18:43
than the game and when i put and he did and i was like you put your hand out he didn't yeah and
01:18:49
i was like i'm going to kill him now i remember that game i even take a real third you know you can see because i
01:18:55
wanted to to catch suarez but he jumped so i take like real fad you know and he's that picture when rio fed you know
01:19:00
you look like he's broken his neck because i wasn't wanted to play the game i just wanted to kill him
01:19:07
and i have one story also after all those episodes one day i was
01:19:12
walking in the manchester in dean's gate and uh my brother said oh this lucious over
01:19:18
there i was with you two of my brother i looked at him i was like that's it this is the moment
01:19:26
and he walked and behind him i saw his kid and his wife
01:19:33
and we and i turned my back i was like if you do something to him you can't do this in front of his family
01:19:39
so i don't regret it because i think he will end the bad and i didn't do nothing
01:19:45
that day i saw him when we play against uh barcelona with juventus in the final i
01:19:52
was talking with neymar he passed he called me shake my hand say you're okay i say i'm okay you're okay
01:19:57
so no beef but we definitely know going to go in holiday in our life but
01:20:03
yeah have you forgiven him yeah but because like i say that's when now we
01:20:09
i want to talk a little bit about the racism and uh like i said to people is about education no one born as a racist
01:20:17
person and you know when you when the football now they ban people
01:20:23
when they have those racist comments or i don't think this is the solution
01:20:29
because if you burn someone you put him i know he's really sensitive but you put him in a box you don't resolve the
01:20:35
matter and even that person will even become more racist and feeling more rejected
01:20:41
but where he come from i've got friends they're not shamed to tell me patrice i've got black friend and everything but
01:20:48
my daughter or my my son will never be with a black belt because my dad or my
01:20:53
granddad will never accept it so that's why i understand you know racism you need to fight with your own
01:21:01
parents it's nothing to do it's about religion when it was the paris attack
01:21:07
everyone started blaming the muslim people islam i did a post i was on the plane
01:21:13
i say you know what and uh by the way i grew up as a catholic but
01:21:18
if you ask me what is your best religion right now is to be the best human being i can i'm not a catholic i'm not a
01:21:24
muslim but i can pray with jewish people with muslim people buddha everything
01:21:29
because i respect every religion but now the religion my religion is to be the best human being i can
01:21:34
then i did that post when i say i think it's not time to to spread your anger your you know is we
01:21:42
should pray for the people we lost and by the way i read the quran islam is such a beautiful religion it's about
01:21:48
love and everything so i really and it came from my heart and i feel like i had to do it my dad
01:21:56
called me what you doing you know you don't know them they are terrorists and everything
01:22:03
i said that this is your opinion but it's not mine he put the phone down we didn't speak
01:22:08
for two weeks he called me after two weeks he said i'm sorry
01:22:14
say wow you're a man now you stood to your own opinion i said yes dad and i won't change it
01:22:21
like you can't because one person do something then all the people are the same so that's why i like to give this
01:22:27
example because sometimes you have to stand up against your you know your own your own father even if you scare him
01:22:34
because those people the racist doesn't come like because they just become racist it's because
01:22:39
they've been taught so if we want to change something is about the education
01:22:45
you know and i have enough people pretending they want to fight against racism and i
01:22:52
will talk about massive like football industry i give the example of the
01:22:57
that stupid super league super league a project that project
01:23:03
didn't even start we shut down that project in 24 hours
01:23:08
i remember i watched on tv my ex teammate upon the shooting the fun
01:23:14
fighting burning things like i was like wow i was watching i was like oh my god
01:23:20
they are so unique determinate the president of the the fifa tokyo they
01:23:26
were five feet oh they are snake those owners and stuff like wow we should
01:23:32
but i was like but why we don't have the same determination when we talk about racism especially in
01:23:38
football players getting abused every single game
01:23:43
but we don't start so don't pretend you want to do it when you don't but the
01:23:49
real reason and me i'm straight and maybe i'm irritated certain person that typically you were touching their
01:23:55
pocket races it's not about money everyone like we don't care
01:24:01
play on you know like even social media i'm someone i am on social media i don't
01:24:07
want any help from instagram uh from facebook forever because you can delete
01:24:12
your comments you can like blog people everything and anyway when i have rest is common i will do a nice video when
01:24:18
i'm eating a banana and things because it really like when i was 70 years old people were throwing real banana in my
01:24:24
face when i was playing so it's not like someone behind his computer can affect me but this is patrice
01:24:31
other people they're gonna read comment about them they're gonna even suicide you know when we're talking about the
01:24:37
mental health so you have to explain me one things one is about the kovid 90
01:24:43
you get the flags right away but when is about the races like
01:24:48
sometimes you feel like the social media they just let the the race they spread the races on on the and uh on their own
01:24:55
platform so stop pretending if you want to do something let's do it but i know
01:25:01
until you know money is not involved things will difficult to be changed yeah kick the races they asked me to put the
01:25:08
shirts many time i go to the woman i didn't put that shirt because i don't it's fake they they ask me like to say no to the races in front of the camera
01:25:14
many players respect no touristy but the player they don't they don't even care because they just
01:25:21
they tell them to say that come teach to people
01:25:26
racism saying those words now you i say silence is a crime because people lose
01:25:31
their life because of that you know
01:25:37
you said your religion was to live a good life no to be the best human being be your best human being you can um how do you
01:25:44
define that now uh what does that mean it mean to uh
01:25:51
to be kind to people to be kind to the universe to make the world a better place
01:25:59
to help people to to like i'll be honest with you now
01:26:06
and i say that not to make myself looking good when i do a video and i see
01:26:11
a comment someone say oh patrice my dad passed away i watch one of your
01:26:16
video and i smile thank you this is more important for me than win
01:26:22
the championship or the premier league because this touched my heart you know like i said i play football
01:26:28
yeah but might be also one of my biggest achievements and i don't want to talk about it to spread it but it's when i
01:26:34
open my two shelter in senegal more than 400 kids and i remember the day
01:26:39
when i went there and they were singing for me because i gave them food and you know
01:26:44
school and everything that's when i'm like ah now i know why i'm on earth
01:26:51
not just to kick a ball around that's it that's why i say people they i'm like an iceberg you know i like to
01:26:56
use that that example because i think people didn't see
01:27:01
the real patrice and you know many managers they named me captain of the you know i remember the first time like
01:27:08
ferguson said you're going to be the captain and rio was still playing geeks and wayne rooney a lot of people i was
01:27:13
like the french guys from the street he's the captain of the biggest club you
01:27:18
know in the world but because they know that culture of sharing leadership
01:27:25
not being selfish all of that this is me and one things have changed
01:27:31
because of my woman is i'm taking care of myself now i also want to be happy because before
01:27:39
if the world is happy if you are happy this make me happy but now patrice also sometimes he took
01:27:45
his time like i had like can you believe in the last two years i have just one holiday
01:27:51
to tell you like even now i'm retired but i'm more busy than when i used to play but
01:27:56
for the first time i turned my phone off for a week it was just amazing
01:28:02
because i don't allowed to do that because i've got things to do i've got people to take care for us for the first
01:28:08
time i take care of myself it was just magic like my woman just wanted to lock me down in that island
01:28:14
and didn't want me to coming back and i won't be able to do actually this podcast today so
01:28:20
so we did it i come back to reality but yeah this is tell you like i just
01:28:25
i it's not just want to be good i just want to be myself and you know i never
01:28:31
i had one one problem is like i still like to fight so this is like from from where i grew
01:28:36
up so sometimes my woman teach me like don't use your fist you know again
01:28:42
on my book when i kick that fan and people compare me to eric cantona but it wasn't my you know my goal
01:28:49
in marseille but it's because these guys say like stop you know like talking like a monkey and anyway
01:28:55
when we go back we're gonna cut the throat off your kids and i am a human being and that's why people forget sometimes footballer player they think
01:29:02
we are like robot but no we are we got feeling when he did that he came down so i i kick him i get uh eight months ban
01:29:10
uh i think 80k or fine i don't remember so
01:29:16
i'm not perfect and i don't want to be perfect i want to be me some people i am an example for them
01:29:22
but i don't want it's not like i want to be an example for anyone i just want to be me if i inspire people
01:29:28
then perfect you are an iceberg you're definitely an iceberg that's for
01:29:34
sure and this book definitely uh reveals that the rest of the iceberg that doesn't
01:29:41
sit above the water and uh as someone as i said that's watched john screen for many many
01:29:46
decades and has seen you more recently online and as a pundit on tv i would
01:29:51
never have guessed their sort of complexity and backstory that um that you have and your sort of
01:29:58
you know interesting word to use but your your vulnerability let's say in sharing all of that i think will do more good
01:30:06
than you'll ever realize because it it opens the door for other people to share
01:30:11
and as we said it creates a safe space for men young men men that come from where you come from men like me to also
01:30:17
share and in sharing we liberate ourselves that tends to be what happens and then we we are we have permission to live a
01:30:24
more free life because because of that so i want to thank you for that i think that's uh
01:30:29
one of the most um amazing things you can do and you've done that with this book and um on behalf of everybody that has the
01:30:35
chance of reading it and i hope everybody does go and read it um thank you no thanks to you to having me and
01:30:43
to also some emotion you know you you bring out some emotion i didn't know one
01:30:48
and i did many interview when i'm doing my booktube and question like you asked me today and
01:30:54
it's really i trust you the way i've been honest and no thank to you because i'm already feeling better
01:31:01
and that's why i hope like every people and every kids they have the chance to to read my book and you know if they are
01:31:07
like those issues to to come out it's not easy you know it's easy for me to tell them please come out but
01:31:14
trust someone trust someone and trust me you is a massive like things i've got in
01:31:20
my chest for so many years and for me like i said to my mom traveling
01:31:26
and she was just devastated and sometimes she still send me some voice notes she's crying because she could still don't understand so don't keep it
01:31:33
don't keep it tell it to your parents tell it to your brothers or your sister i've got 24 brothers and sisters
01:31:39
and i didn't even tell that to any one of them so
01:31:44
be yourself enjoy your life leave the present and be good to the universe
01:31:52
that's a beautiful ending i have just one more question for you this is a
01:31:57
question this is a new tradition we've started patrice where the previous guest on this podcast leaves a question for
01:32:03
the next guest so the previous guest left a question for you and you're going to leave a
01:32:08
question for the next guest as well and i'm gonna find out what that question is because i've not actually
01:32:14
read it yet okay here we go name three people
01:32:21
dead or alive that you would have dinner with tonight if you could
01:32:28
my mom my woman
01:32:35
and you oh that's a tremendous honor
01:32:41
why me because because the way you many things came out and
01:32:49
and you're an interesting person and i feel energy and i feel your soul and you're a good soul and i can see
01:32:55
you're doing all of this because you want to make the world a better place and you know when you surrendered around
01:33:01
people like you you just improved and that's what i wanted you know sometimes i'm like don't surrender about
01:33:07
negative people help them also to understand why they are negative but your your energy you're really
01:33:12
curious i can feel it you're going deep you want to understand the reason why because it's easy to to dig the book i
01:33:19
do but i wanted someone was able to ask me the reason
01:33:24
why and that's what i you know i can have a conversation and we can have a dinner and we're going to talk about a lot of
01:33:30
things and i really about the toxic you know masculinity yeah so that's why i thank you okay well we're going to
01:33:36
organize that dinner so you know we'll we'll figure it out um for sure because i feel the same way as i'm still kind of
01:33:42
early on that journey of understanding my ego and toxic masculinity and how it stands in my way
01:33:48
the more men that i can speak to like yourself and i've been on that journey and started to learn lessons the better it will be for myself selfishly but
01:33:55
hopefully that's uh you know and i think you know the the good i think we've just done talking about that today and it's
01:34:01
funny because i i know some of the people that listen to this and where they listen to it because they tag me yeah and they are men that are driving
01:34:08
eight hours on a monday morning up and down the country in big vans they are builders on building sites that want to
01:34:14
be entrepreneurs and just again as we've done on this podcast creating that safe space where we can talk about feelings
01:34:21
and crying and your emotions and communicate communicating what's going on in your life oh it's the most
01:34:27
important service i think we can do to men um so i hope we can carry on that conversation and i'm going to be pestering your pa to organize this
01:34:33
dinner man i'm going to pass you the book to write a question for my next guest but thank you so much it's been an absolute honour honestly it's been an absolute
01:34:39
honor and you're you're even more of a role model to me than you have been for the last 20 years and that's been that's hard to beat so
01:34:45
thank you thank you thank you
01:35:01
[Music]
01:35:08
you