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this almost killed me and it's killed hundreds and thousands of women if men's were falling off there would be a
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resolution tomorrow until something's done I won't quit
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Lauren wasser model activist and Survivor of one of the deadliest diseases caused by a product millions of
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women use today resulting in losing both of her legs
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October 3rd 2012 can you take me to that day it was just
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on my period it was super heavy and I guess I must have passed out they found me face down on my bedroom floor toxic
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shock syndrome caused by a tampon and I was 10 minutes from death I had two heart attacks my kidneys my
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organs were failing my feet were turning black so when I finally woke up they needed to amputate my right leg or I was
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going to die but they're telling me that we cannot give you any pain medicine I I
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felt every single thing that was done to me so those eight months I was alone every
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day I was throwing screaming crying wanting to like think about ways I could kill myself
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but there was something in my soul was like don't pull the trigger
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foreign just hold on
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are you feeling a sense of Injustice this shouldn't have happened but there's nothing on the market for women that is
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safe for us it kills us this is my new beginning Lauren what can be done that's
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the scary part I have to give you a warning this
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conversation is not easy to listen to because it's so deeply moving but it's
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important that you do it's important that more people know about the risks that they face by the products they use
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every single day and it's important that people hear Lauren Ross's unimaginable
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story a story that will change your mind break your heart and then put it back
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together again toxic shock syndrome is probably something you've never heard of before but it can affect anyone at any
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time men women and children of all ages
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[Music]
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Lauren what do I need to know about your earliest years
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to understand how you were shaped molded the perspective that you
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inherited from that early context and environment I think the idea of perfection the idea
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that physically looking like that one percent and being
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I guess back then to being a supermodel in the late 80s 90s that's kind of like the cool era and that's kind of where
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me being around all these women that were just Flawless and beautiful
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um kind of set the tone and also saw like you can get away with anything if you're
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beautiful as well which was interesting to me but I was the complete opposite like I am a tomboy I played basketball
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as my first love that's where I I think really molded and shaped who I am as a
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person and why I honestly I think I'm alive I think having to have the dedication have the
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determination but also like have to show up every single day and give it
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your all um was something that I didn't really see anywhere else like my dad wasn't there
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my dad unfortunately he was he got caught up in the whole drug scene um complete drug addict
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um basically saw him homeless on the side of the street when I was younger like my
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mom and I would be driving down Melrose and my dad I would look out and be like oh my God that's my dad
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like on the side of the street because he's homeless he was he was a big model but you know Studio 54 that whole era
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was obviously drug mostly drugs but my mom was like ahead of her career 21 years old
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um 21 years old she had me at 21. he was a big model wasn't she she was pretty
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big she was a Stephanie Seymour and Cindy Crawford and Naomi that whole era you know um
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kind of growing up and around that was just kind of crazy to see she wouldn't even leave the house
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without wearing makeup or like looking like top of the line whereas I don't give a [ __ ] like I'll just roll out of
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bed and put on some basketball shorts and vintage tea and be like cool I'm out you know what if I'd ask you then say
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you're 16 years old and I said what do you want to be when you're older what would you have responded to me oh I thought I was going to be like the Maria
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Sharapova of like the WNBA like I was I was I was set in stone wanting to be like
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endorsements playing ball 24 7 travel like that was my dream
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like that's what I really wanted for myself to be a basketball player yeah
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so that's why it's kind of like just the irony of like the fact I don't have legs anymore it's like just crazy to me because I'm like I'm an athlete first
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and foremost and like that is my livelihood like that's what I know best this movement is
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going outside and going for a run you know I mean even just we all take for granted just walking in
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the shower you know so you're 24 when your life changes
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October the 3rd 2012 you're 24 years old can you take me to that day
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when you woke up that day what was you know what was if you can remember the the plans you had for that day and
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um and how that day unfolded yeah I was uh 24.
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probably the best day ever in my life super healthy um
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my period has always been really heavy so I've always had to use super absorbent tampons um but and my mom had told me about
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toxic shock syndrome she told me obviously how to use them properly change them every three hours
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um but on that specific day I like any normal day was just on my
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period it was super heavy and I ran out of my tampon so I went and bought a new box and
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I just remember feeling super sick like almost as if uh like the
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flu it was October so flu season all of my friends were getting sick and I had
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to go to my friend's birthday that night and it's just me and my blind cocker spaniel at the time living in Santa
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Monica so just her and I I changed my tampon obviously and I'm just laying there probably I
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don't know 30 40 minutes I start feeling even worse and I'm like wow I'm really feeling sick I'm texting my friends you know a couple
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hours go by change my tampon again so this is this is the second time I've changed it
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it's about now like I don't know 5 6 p.m and I have to get ready to go to my
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friend's birthday so I get in the shower get myself together put another tampon
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in and as soon as I drive and I walk into the venue all of my friends are in there
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and they're just like dude you look so sick and I felt it like I finally in that moment felt like this like whole
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wave of like heat and also just something is not
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right and I'm like yeah I think I should probably just go home so I drive myself back home my mom and I are super close
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so we chat every five minutes we're always in communication and I was like yeah I'm just feeling kind of unwell but I'm I'm
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I think I'm okay and then I get to my apartment and I'm just like really really hot so I just take off all of my clothes
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and I just like lay on the floor with by my bed with my dog
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and I guess I must have passed out and my mom frantically trying to like get in contact with me and she can't get a hold
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of me but she knew that I was feeling ill so she called um the police to come by for a welfare
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check so I'm laying on I remember this because I was laying on my my bedroom floor
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and I just remember my blind Cocker Spaniel like literally on my chest and you know
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what cocker spaniel like they're so sweet and friendly and she was like ferociously like barking at me to where
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like I could feel her like breath and her like spit almost and she was just like so like adamant
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about like getting me up like jumping on me and stuff and then I hear like the knock at the door and I hear police
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police open up and I'm like what like what's going on like why are the police here so confused but at this time I was
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already accumulating like 107 fever so I was pretty much like just not in any shape or form like
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making any real decisions because I'm just so discombobulated of like even what's going on so I like throw on a
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hoodie and I open the door and the cop comes in and he looks at me and he's like you're really sick and I'm like no
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[ __ ] you know like obviously and he looks around my apartment and I think like I didn't even have a chance to take
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my dog out so I'm sure there was like pee and whatever and he's like um you're really sick you need
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to call your mom and I'm like okay and then he's like so I I plugged in my phone and he just [ __ ] left
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the cop just left me so then I like plug my phone in I text
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him I'm like the cop just came obviously I'm really sick but I think I just have the flu and I mean he's a cop
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so I think if there was any real urgency he would take me to the emergency room and at that point I'm in
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Santa Monica and I'm living five minutes from St Jones like you could see St John's from my
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balcony of my apartment yeah this hospital that saved my life how long had you been on the floor
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probably a few hours um but she was like
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after speaking to her clearly she has that motherly instinct to be like something doesn't sit well so I said
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listen the cop just left obviously I think I'm okay I just need to just leave this off
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and I'll call you in the morning and that was the last we spoke obviously that doesn't sit well with her so she
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feels the need to get another welfare check she gets her husband to drive her she was just had surgery so she was
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bedridden and she was living in Riverside at the time which is like it could take up to like an hour or two
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to even get to me so she called all of her friends all of my friends called the police again to come to my apartment to
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like see how I'm doing or get me help or something um so once she did that the cops came
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again and it took them like 30 to 45 minutes to get inside of my apartment and they found me face down on my
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bedroom floor defecated basically myself and everything around me I was dying I
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was 10 minutes from death they rushed me to St John's and they were like why is this healthy
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young 24 year old girl plummeting they didn't get it and
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thank God there was an infectious disease doctor that was on call and he said well does she have a tampon in and
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once they located the tampon and they sent it to the lab it came back as TSS one and that's when they were able to
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finally kind of get me stable and give me the things that I that my body was more susceptive to accepting at that
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time because it was really grim and I had two heart attacks my kidneys my organs were failing
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um they put me on life support I at 107 fever they
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basically gave me a one percent chance of even surviving
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so TSS one toxic shock syndrome caused by a tampon
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it's because all these tampons feminine hygiene products that are available for women on the market right now if we were
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to go look they have chlorine bleach dioxin all these synthetic fibers that we place
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inside of us at such a delicate time and that just gets in your bloodstream
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and it slowly kills you it's a gateway to everything and those
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specific things are so toxic you know and then if you're using super
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absorbent tampons the absorbency is way more than just a normal one and even
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if you use a cotton tampon it's still sprayed with pesticides so there's actually nothing on the
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market for women that is safe for us everything has something some sort of chemical in it so so the you're in
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hospital they've given you a one percent chance of of surviving of living and they've
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they've told your family presumably that your chance of survival is
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you haven't well you have a 99 chance of not surviving do you know how your your family had
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responded to that there is a whole line around St John's of like everyone that I knew to say
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goodbye to me of course my family too but like I'm from La like I
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I've been around and know everyone and to see that kind of response especially
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during that to where like people are actually coming to say their their goodbyes and pay their respects is just
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insane obviously I I don't know any of that but that's that's just what I've been told but
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it's pretty crazy and I was you know in a on life support fighting for my life
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and each moment was was very grim you're in a coma yeah I wasn't I was on
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live sport in a coma for like a week and a half have you
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found out went on while you're in a coma in terms of the treatments they were giving you to try and keep you alive so
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they gave me um they put me my whole body full of fluids because the toxins had taken over so they popped my body
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full of like 100 pounds of fluid so when I finally woke up from from the coma I was 200 pounds so
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like I'm tiny and I woke up and I was just like I thought I literally just had one of those nights where you just eat a
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bunch of donuts and candy and ice cream and I was just like is this what you know I just I had no idea why I was
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literally in and had tubes in my throat and machines everywhere and my mom obviously like sitting right beside me
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and everyone freaking out that like I'm awake and but what degree am I awake like no one specifically knew
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how damaged or what severity it was until I could actually like
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be awake to to tell them more to show them but yeah I was really touch and go the rest
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of your family your grandparents your brother were they around yeah everyone was all of my friends I mean it was it
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was really to that point I mean my godfather and my mom got a casket they're gonna plan my funeral like it
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was to that point of like this girl probably will not make it
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and it's a bacterial infection yeah but it's it's it has nothing to do with leaving your tampon in too long I
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was changing my with the tampon as as normal as I've always done as normal as you should as normal as directed
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um but again I think it's about how toxic these tampons are and how they
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sit in our bodies and you know it just takes one of those those toxins to get
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in our bloodstream and it starts that kind of flu-like symptoms but that's so vague it's so
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um yeah I just think that could mean so many things and even now I would never
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be able to differentiate oh yeah my tampon is making me sick I would never think that but now that I have all the
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information and obviously knowing that like I'm just The Lucky One That Got Away With My Life you know looking back on it I'm like wow
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like that's it's crazy that that almost killed me and it's killed hundreds and thousands
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of women since the 80s the early 80s to now it's still an epidemic that's never gone away
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was it by chance that that particular doctor was on call that day that asked about does she have a tampon in oh I'm
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so grateful because that that in itself is a miracle that there was someone that knows about toxic shock syndrome and you
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know understands the dangers and was there and saw you know the symptoms that I was
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obviously showing and had even the idea to ask or to look or to you know
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say this is this could be it this could probably be why this girl's literally dying right before us but it says a lot
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that they would ask that question it says that there's clearly a long history of that being a causal factor
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for illness if a doctor would even ask that question but the sad thing is there's a lot of it
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goes misdiagnosed a lot of the time and a lot of people just think it's it's doesn't happen or it couldn't happen or
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you know it was kind of swept under the rug by tampon companies because it's a billion dollar industry and you know no
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one ever saw someone like myself survive it and then being able to say
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hey like this is this shouldn't be happening like this almost killed me and that's why I even shared my story to
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begin with is because I wanted women and I wanted the world to be aware that this is something that
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we shouldn't be taking lightly and that we need to demand for safer products and also demand like why is this still
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happening and you know obviously then it was 2012 but here we are 2023 and young
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women and more than ever are in danger I read that the doctors were telling
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your mother to start praying that you would stay alive yeah and that the doctors were praying
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I think everyone was praying it was it was really dark it was like a I feel so bad for my mom because I can't
00:18:06
even imagine to like what degree she you know seeing me in that state and
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then every moment is like you know this machine's going off you know she's literally sitting on a cot next to me
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just staring and hoping that I I'd even come to you know and you're my best
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friend as well at that point yeah and it yeah just probably was so hard
00:18:32
you start to wake up yeah can you talk to me about what happened from that point onwards when
00:18:37
you start to regain Consciousness what did you hear what did you see again I think when I first woke up I was just it was just pure shock I didn't
00:18:44
know why I was so big I didn't know why I had the breathing tubes and um the the crazy thing too is I guess
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during my the whole time when I was in a coma my my feet were turning black slowly because a lot
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of the damage was done when my body was dying so all the blood went to like my
00:19:04
brain my heart my my organs and my everything and so your lower extremities or your extremities if that don't really
00:19:10
get the blood because you're dying so they're going to preserve the goods first if that makes sense
00:19:17
um so a lot of that damage was irreversible because I was I don't know on my bedroom floor
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alone dying for I don't know a couple hours I guess you know and that time a
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lot of that damage was was done to my lower extremities but also they were it was happening to my
00:19:36
hands too and so my hands were turning black too and and to this day there's no reason why any medical physician can tell me
00:19:44
why my hands came back and I didn't have to amputate like they were thinking about amputating my legs and my hands
00:19:50
while I was in the coma because they were discolored and you know turning kind of purplish pink and it's pretty
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crazy like if I would have woken up and had no arms and no legs I definitely
00:20:02
don't think I would be here there's no way I don't think I'm that strong there's there's just no way but the idea
00:20:09
of that is just kind of crazy that and maybe it's because you know my arms are close to my heart and the blood flow
00:20:16
came came easier that way but I think that's pretty crazy too
00:20:22
when was the first time you were aware that there was a suggestion of amputating anything
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um for the first time I was alone in the ICU at St John's and it was just me
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sitting there and my feet were just constantly on fire like it literally felt as though someone
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was sitting there just lighting my foot on fire like the burning sensation was insane
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um and my my right leg was worse than my left
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my toes on my left side were turning purplish pink
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um but my right side there was a lot more damage you could tell and so then the concern came in of
00:21:07
basically they needed to amputate my right leg to save my life
00:21:13
or I was gonna die and I had no idea about any of that so I'm laying there my
00:21:18
room is empty and there's a nurse that comes in and she's on the other side of me behind a
00:21:25
curtain and I can hear the conversation and she's saying I have a young girl
00:21:30
here is 24 years old who's going to need a right leg below the knee amputation and we need to get her in bed right away
00:21:36
and into Hyperbaric as soon as possible so she's on the phone to UCLA to get me into UCLA because they have the best
00:21:43
hyperbaric chambers there that basically it's like 200 oxygen that you go into
00:21:48
and it basically is just like gets everything moving and the blood flow to everything and
00:21:55
so they were trying to get me a room and I just remember hearing like I just remember like looking around and being
00:22:01
like is she she's talking about me like she's she's saying that I'm
00:22:06
amputation like and I just [ __ ] started screaming and I was screaming for my mom I was screaming for my God I
00:22:13
was screaming for everyone I was like do not let this person do not let anyone touch me do not let this like what is
00:22:19
she saying like tell her that's not true like just completely unaware of like the severity of the situation for myself
00:22:28
and yeah it was that was probably the first time where I like even heard the word
00:22:34
amputation I can't believe you overheard it yeah it was like shocking
00:22:41
and then from there I think I just was like I'm [ __ ] doomed because like
00:22:48
you know being able to just walk and move and obviously being an
00:22:55
athlete and having your legs like I couldn't even wrap my head around that like what does
00:23:01
that even look like you overhear that behind the curtain you start screaming
00:23:07
what happens then I think too it's like being able or just being a normal human
00:23:13
being you never even think about what that looks like what that even entails of having to live
00:23:19
with or having to even you know put a leg like you just your mind
00:23:25
doesn't even go there because why would it you know and so for me just knowing what that did look like and what I knew
00:23:32
of people with you know Prosthetics or whatever I just I was like this is this
00:23:39
is not gonna happen like this cannot happen to me this is not reality this is like a [ __ ] nightmare that I just
00:23:45
really hope is gonna end soon did your mother come running in yeah she she came
00:23:50
running in and she was just like trying to call me but obviously it was like she probably knew too but
00:23:56
it was just a shock it was just like how I couldn't even comprehend like what that even meant
00:24:03
um so then they were like we need to get you to UCLA as soon as possible so we went to UCLA
00:24:08
um and you know what's crazy it's like our Health Care system is so backwards too like
00:24:15
I can look back and say I'm grateful a that I have helped that I had health insurance but also that I knew people
00:24:21
that I knew people in substantial places and and places that could help me
00:24:28
but if I didn't know them I wouldn't have been given those luxurious like opportunities of even
00:24:35
getting a bet in UCLA if my mom didn't know so and so or if my godfather didn't make this call or do you know what I
00:24:41
mean and it's like that shouldn't even be a thing like everyone is a human being like there's no this or that for for
00:24:48
life and that was kind of like really after all of this I was like that's really sad that
00:24:54
I don't know life is kind of picked apart like what matters and who matters
00:25:00
and when it matters and what you what cards you can pull together you
00:25:08
know um so just getting to UCLA and in in there and getting a room and being able to
00:25:14
like have that specific health care and that attention especially when I needed it was honestly Heaven Sent because I
00:25:22
wouldn't have gotten what I got had I not been in connections with the people that I knew
00:25:28
but yeah just getting to UCLA and immediately getting into Hyperbaric and trying to see you know the severity of
00:25:34
the damage and if it was possible to even get any blood flow um but and it would be weird because I'd
00:25:40
go into the hyperbaric chamber and it's like this huge it's probably like the size of this room and you could probably
00:25:46
put like four or five people in it and they would just wheel me in and I'd probably have to take somebody crazy
00:25:52
anti-anxiety medicine because it's like it's like going to the depths of the ocean you know they have to turn the
00:25:59
thing and they can't open it for anything like otherwise you your lunch lungs would explode and it's like it's
00:26:05
pretty serious and then having to like see your feet slowly just mummify or your you know your toes turn
00:26:12
black and you know this one doctor I remember she said something like
00:26:18
yeah you can just go home and you know your toes would just fall off and you know like
00:26:23
this is before I got to the doctors that I needed but that was like kind of the [ __ ] that I was presented with
00:26:30
of like people coming in and saying like oh well you know this is just what's gonna happen and after that happens then
00:26:37
we'll figure it out it's like excuse me and then like making a call and being like this is absolutely like insane no
00:26:44
way it's you know that happening or just go home and your toes will fall off yeah as if that's like just the thing
00:26:50
you come out of the hyperbaric chamber you're I guess the Hope was after coming
00:26:56
out of the hyperbaric chamber that there'd be some kind of movement in your feet or or something right I had to do it like three times a day for hours on
00:27:03
end it was not just like one thing it was just trying to see especially immediately how my body was
00:27:10
responding and if it was responding and if there was any way they can salvage anything and at that point gangrene had
00:27:17
set into my right leg and it was moving really really fast so that's when they were like we need to
00:27:22
amputate like now if they hadn't then I would die because the infection would spread from
00:27:29
the right leg up around the body so I was like cruising up my right leg but it somewhat was starting in my left foot
00:27:34
too so my my toes and my heel were really badly severely damaged so from that but then I had my
00:27:41
whole left leg but on my right side it was like slowly creeping towards turning purplish
00:27:46
pink and yeah they were like it was this is going to move quick and it's going to move to your heart and you're going to be dead so I really didn't have enough I
00:27:54
didn't have an option a doctor said that to you with your mother there
00:28:01
and they were like you have a 50 50 chance of ever walking again as far as keeping my
00:28:06
left side because my toes would need to be amputated my heel needed to be debrised and
00:28:12
knowing this now but like your heel is probably the most important part of your entire body because there's nothing on
00:28:18
this planet that is able to take the beating that it takes on a daily basis whether it's standing
00:28:24
running the pressure anything um that fat or that specific skin you
00:28:30
can't buy that on the market there's nothing on the planet that can you know you can just grow it back or replace it
00:28:36
or you know do a transplant or something of that sort it doesn't exist
00:28:41
so that was a huge concern for the doctors and as far as like me being able to go back to normal life and being able
00:28:48
to just walk normally even if I didn't have toes which is people can do but the
00:28:54
heel was a huge like concern for theirs and me personally I was like
00:29:00
and God rest my my godfather I wish I would have listened to him but he was like you should probably just do both and move on with your life
00:29:07
and just kind of like you know just keep talking but like I couldn't
00:29:13
even fathom what that looked like I was like there's no way there's no way I was like
00:29:20
I have to do this slowly I'll have to like maybe just do the one and then see
00:29:25
what happens but like there was no way I could go in there definitively and be like just take them
00:29:31
so when it becomes clear that that's the path forward what's your initial response to the doctors when they come
00:29:37
with a definitive answer that this is the the path we have to take how do you receive that how does your mom receive
00:29:43
that oh I was just like it's just obviously just a nightmare like crying
00:29:50
screaming freaking out um you know especially when I'm presented with the papers
00:29:56
to have you know them do the procedure to take my life I mean I take my legs and and it felt like my life because
00:30:03
that's all I knew of like being an athlete you know being a model looking a certain way
00:30:09
um everything I knew about myself was completely just out the door I mean I was 200 pounds my head was shaved
00:30:15
because my hair got matted because they were trying to save my life and obviously no one gives a [ __ ] about your hair when you're dying
00:30:21
um and you know here I am in a hospital room and being told that
00:30:28
you know I'm going to enter this operating room and come out a completely different person and losing a part of myself
00:30:34
um it was just it was so surreal and so scary and you know then I had like people
00:30:42
coming in with prosthetics and like showing me how they're how they live their lives and you know my God my
00:30:47
grandpa is from the Army so he was like you know you're just like these guys are going to get blown up and and at that
00:30:52
time I was so like Preston it was such a dark time that I was like I'm not I didn't sign up for
00:30:58
this this is not what I asked for like I didn't sign something saying okay these are the possibilities I could
00:31:05
die I could lose limbs I I was like this is this shouldn't have [ __ ] happened you know let alone like I'm 24 years old
00:31:13
and now I'm having to lose a part of myself and
00:31:19
it's something I can never ever get back I can never grow it back I can't go to a surgeon to get it like this is
00:31:24
this is going to change my life forever and you have to sign that paper and I have and I had no choice because
00:31:30
otherwise again it was my life it was was my leg did you consider not signing it
00:31:36
no I was in so much pain I was in so much pain I can't even tell
00:31:41
you like I don't even know how I made it like of course like I was drugged up so
00:31:47
much and and I think that was how obviously I got through it but just to
00:31:52
to have to actually process what was about to happen I don't think I fully even gathered until
00:31:58
I got down and they were like I signed the papers and they're like all right it's today's surgery day and like
00:32:03
Wheeling me out of my room down to the floor and like me holding
00:32:09
like a stuffed animal and just screaming and crying and like feeling like I'm doomed
00:32:15
you know and then my mom is like freaking out and everyone's crying and then they write on your legs like yes
00:32:22
and no so like them writing yes in black marker on my leg that I knew that was
00:32:27
gonna go and then you know seeing it on my on my left leg of amputating my toes and to
00:32:35
bring my heel it was yeah it was just it was a lot I don't even think I really processed that
00:32:41
and then when they were Wheeling me away I just screamed from my mom to like not let them take me and
00:32:47
that was yeah
00:32:52
you and mother during this period she's watching her daughter be willed away she's you're 24 years old you've built a life on modeling and Athletics she's
00:32:59
watching you be willed um a way to have an amputation that day what's what's her State of Mind what's
00:33:05
her sort of visible um State broken completely broken completely shattered
00:33:12
completely just couldn't believe that that was even what was happening and it all happened so
00:33:17
fast because obviously you know it's it's my livelihood it's it's am I going
00:33:23
to survive this let alone do I have time to make a decision based on am I wanting
00:33:28
to keep my leg or not it wasn't even an option it was chaos it was complete chaos
00:33:35
what did she say to you before you um you get wheeled into the operating room I love you and she I just remember her
00:33:41
like grabbing herself because she was like obviously screaming crying but like trying to like not hide it from me but
00:33:47
like she couldn't even look at me being wheeled back because she knew you know it was like she just had to
00:33:52
like turn and just like cry and scream and hold it in as best she could to be strong
00:33:57
um but yeah me screaming for her obviously didn't help and I just felt like there was no control I I couldn't
00:34:03
even just get up and [ __ ] run if I wanted to that's the irony of it it's like I was literally physically stuck no matter
00:34:10
what and I was just having to do this and it was yeah it was horrible
00:34:20
she she kissed your leg and my feet she kissed your leg in your
00:34:26
feet before you were willed in um
00:34:31
I mean as a mother you know your newborn baby toes and feet and seeing you know it's
00:34:38
you just never would think that that would ever happen especially to your child or your loved
00:34:44
one I can't imagine what she was going through um because we often you know we often
00:34:49
think about the person who is going through the medical condition but the people around them especially people
00:34:54
someone as close as your mother who is your best friend and you've you've lived your lives together since since you were
00:35:00
born I can't imagine the the the sort of trauma and the
00:35:06
you know the uncertainty that she was living with as well like have you have you had conversations subsequently about with her about what
00:35:14
she went through in those moments no I mean it's sad because I feel like
00:35:19
God has blessed me so much I'm so lucky not only to just be alive but I have
00:35:24
everything I can need and more and I I forget every single day that I don't have legs like I don't even think about
00:35:30
it the only time I think about is when I gotta pee in the middle of the night and like you know going in the ocean like there's certain things I I can't do you
00:35:36
can't just run in there because you know I have metal and I have screws and I have bolts and so like rust but like I
00:35:42
don't even think about it never and I don't even think about what happened the trauma and a lot of that
00:35:48
you know maybe it's true like I'm suppressed and I've just kind of moved on but really I'm just the happiest
00:35:53
human but when I am with my mom it is something where she's so fixated on the
00:35:59
trauma right of what happened and I think it's lives with her more so than
00:36:05
me and it's sad because I hate that because I wish that she can just live
00:36:11
her life and know that and live and know that like I'm more than okay
00:36:16
my god's got me and he's had me this whole time like you don't have to worry but I think as a mother and knowing the
00:36:22
[ __ ] that I don't even [ __ ] know that she had to go through and the decision she had to make I mean she was like
00:36:28
writing down everything calling everyone you know making sure that I had the best of the best making sure she like
00:36:35
took the notes and and the nurses and the doctors and I mean she was amazing
00:36:41
and so I know that she definitely saw and felt way more than I could even
00:36:48
understand or you know gather from her and and I just hope that one day she can let it go
00:36:55
because I have you know and I just I want that freedom for her
00:37:01
you're so concerned about this yeah but I think it's just
00:37:08
it's just hard I mean I can't imagine what she must have felt and seen and
00:37:15
you know it was it was hard it was every day was like are we gonna
00:37:21
make it you know it was it was it was a lot
00:37:28
you come out of the operating room how long were you in there
00:37:35
uh I don't know how long I was in there but I was in there for a while and I just remember waking up and the doctor
00:37:40
coming to me and he's like um basically my heart freaked out during
00:37:46
the operation because I had two heart attacks when I first went into the hospital so my heart was already kind of
00:37:52
freaking out and not in the best state and then through the operation I think
00:37:58
some complications or something happened so I woke up and I'm sitting there and I won't look at my leg I didn't I
00:38:05
probably didn't look at my leg for months like I couldn't even acknowledge that that even happened so I just
00:38:11
remember sitting up and being like not even acknowledging it the doctors are coming in and talking to me and they're
00:38:16
telling me that I had you know some sort of convocation you know like so Lauren
00:38:21
for the next 24 hours we cannot give you any pain medicine
00:38:27
this is right after I had my leg amputated like chopped off and he's like I guess basically because
00:38:34
of all the medicine and stuff it like something about they couldn't I don't know my my it was about me
00:38:42
staying alive and not like having my heart like freak out having another heart attack or whatever I don't really
00:38:47
remember the gist of it because clearly I was so like not even really present but when I heard those words I was just
00:38:54
like what so literally for 24 hours they put me in my own little room
00:38:59
and I felt every single thing that was done to me
00:39:05
I was throwing [ __ ] I was screaming I was crying I felt like a shark could just [ __ ] rip through my leg
00:39:13
and yeah like no my mom couldn't be in the room like no one could be because I was
00:39:18
just screaming and crying and just freaking out because like Not only was that traumatic enough having to like
00:39:24
have my leg chopped off but then to have to really feel what was just done to me
00:39:30
and have like have to actually just deal with it was on another level
00:39:38
and that's something like a lot of people don't know but that was really crazy
00:39:46
[Music] it's just unimaginable it's just like
00:39:55
you've used the word god quite a few times were you religious before this happened
00:40:02
and are you religious are you still religious now yeah I definitely I definitely was
00:40:07
I mean I'm not like you know I just I believe in a higher power I believed I believe in God I believe that
00:40:14
you know there's something definitely directing my steps like I would not be here if
00:40:20
there wasn't there's no way I would be alive if there wasn't a purpose for my life and there is definitely obviously
00:40:28
now I I can say that but like going through all of that um I think there definitely was a moment
00:40:33
when I was pissed at God and didn't understand why this had happened um but I know that in the process of
00:40:43
like going through depression and suicide and and even having those thoughts
00:40:50
every morning when I get in the shower and I'd have to get on like a little stool in the shower I'd wheel myself to the shower which is another thing I was
00:40:56
in a wheelchair for eight months which is crazy um
00:41:01
and my phone my left foot was still questionable I didn't have the right leg but that's kind of just where I was
00:41:07
after I left the hospital but every day I would wheel myself into the shower get
00:41:13
myself on a stool and just [ __ ] scream and cry and just yell at God and
00:41:18
wanting to like think about ways I could kill myself and my life that day and every day that I did that something
00:41:25
inside was like just hold on there was something that just like
00:41:30
in my in my soul was like just hold on
00:41:36
I mean it all makes sense now but for those moments it was definitely like
00:41:43
hard
00:41:55
just hold on yeah and I and trusting the process and
00:42:00
trusting and believing that like you know this madness is just temporary
00:42:06
and this is it'll all just make sense just just hold on kid just like
00:42:12
don't don't don't pull the trigger and you seriously considered that
00:42:19
sometimes I mean obviously not pulling a trigger I didn't have a gun but if I did have access to one I'm sure I probably
00:42:24
wouldn't be here I it was it was to that extent of like every day
00:42:30
you know waking up and just couldn't even believe or even know how and the
00:42:36
hell I got to where I was you know 200 pounds head shaved one leg
00:42:42
another leg that's questionable um just the excruciating pain that I was
00:42:47
in and just life continuously moving right everything's happening and I'm just
00:42:53
having to stand still sit still and and be present with this nothingness but just darkness and
00:43:01
it was my mom and I and my little brother and I just he would be the first one coming home every day
00:43:08
every time I thought about killing myself I always thought like he would be the first one to find me
00:43:15
and obviously my mom too but like not
00:43:21
having them have to live with that for the rest of their life
00:43:26
I think it really was like I couldn't do that so
00:43:32
obviously it never happened but it was it was for sure and every moment thought
00:43:39
especially like and just being in so much pain and like
00:43:44
having every part of yourself removed sorry I don't know why I'm crying but
00:44:00
when I hear your story I you know and this is I think why I asked the question about faith in God is it feels just like
00:44:07
the deepest Injustice you know it feels just like such a deep Injustice and it feels that for for that
00:44:15
to happen to you it my my head just goes you know like
00:44:21
how is this how is this Fair and then to hear the suffering that you endured from then after I just I just
00:44:28
can't understand the world where someone puts a tampon in and then they have to
00:44:34
endure such suffering and it just it's hard to make sense of
00:44:40
like even for me hearing it I just can't make sense of a world where that that could happen to someone
00:44:46
what what what are your thoughts at that moment about this point of Injustice are you feeling a sense of Injustice are you
00:44:53
asking yourselves a question I think back then I was so
00:45:00
concerned with every moment and surviving every moment and trying to just live
00:45:07
um that I didn't really think of how [ __ ] up this is that you know I I'm doing a documentary
00:45:15
and so I have like 90 hours of footage that was filmed during this
00:45:21
whole process because I was going to die because of Damages because of the reality of just documenting everything
00:45:28
that I had to go through and the trauma of it all um and when I look back on it and I see
00:45:34
myself my my 24 year old self especially in that state it's really sad because I'm like I was
00:45:41
so innocent and I was so young and I had this entire life and journey ahead of me
00:45:46
and it was like how did I deserve that just
00:45:52
crazy like I didn't do anything wrong I was using the product as I should I did everything I was supposed to
00:45:59
and you know it's just crazy that that is so powerful
00:46:04
and toxic and it's and and again it's almost sad because again I'm the lucky one
00:46:10
that I'm here being able to speak about this um but there are so many women that
00:46:16
you'll never see you'll never hear their stories you'll never see their faces you never hear the trauma they experience because they're
00:46:22
no longer here and so it's my duty to a share my story but B inform the world
00:46:30
that this is this is inhumane and it's just it could easily be
00:46:37
prevented but again it's greed it's it's cost
00:46:42
efficiency it's money you know it's um you know I always say
00:46:48
my interviews if men's dicks were falling off tomorrow that wouldn't happen
00:46:54
so why is it women are having to fight for everything let alone what we do with
00:46:59
our bodies let alone with the products that we are given for something that we
00:47:05
are just naturally having to do every month for 40 something years
00:47:11
you know why are we not a priority like why are
00:47:16
we not detected and upheld to the stature of of
00:47:22
men were 50 of the population and also we make life we create life
00:47:30
it just seems so crazy to me but again we're in 2023 and and those
00:47:36
men are still making decisions about what women do with their bodies and their choices on on how they you know
00:47:43
approach what they want to do with themselves in their lives it's it's crazy
00:47:49
you come out of Hospital you're in your wheelchair bound for eight months um you're living at home at this point yeah
00:47:55
with my mom and my brother yeah what impact does it have on your brother he's he's 10 years younger than user
00:48:02
he's what 14 15 year old kid um he is now first hand
00:48:07
he's got a first sort of person perspective to real trauma and suffering and someone he loves and at 14 you know
00:48:16
I can't even imagine I mean I think that's also why there's a lot of um
00:48:21
I think it's hard I've realized in my situation that everyone that was with me in those moments
00:48:27
it was so heavy and dark for such a long period of time again like you said prior it's not just about me going through the
00:48:34
situation it's it affects every single person it's like a domino effect and
00:48:39
everyone's going to deal with it differently um and a lot of people especially them
00:48:44
being so young you know just have to go through even that with me not even
00:48:49
experiencing firsthand was traumatic um you know so let alone
00:48:55
my 14 15 year old brother who's having to see you know their sister in this state you
00:49:01
know and then having to be so depressed and so angry and just pushing and
00:49:07
punching everything away from me as far as I could because I didn't want to be here anymore
00:49:12
and him having to experience that I'm sure is taking a toll and it makes me sad because it's it just
00:49:20
this whole thing is is is just so dark and it just goes back to yeah it just
00:49:26
affects everyone differently and and I'm lucky that I've been able to get to this place because
00:49:32
you know I've I've done a lot of the work I've had to actually sit with myself and deal with it but
00:49:38
it's hard to go there it's hard to to dig deep and to have to face the reality
00:49:43
of of what you faced especially in those moments
00:49:49
and who knows when that will be and if that will ever be but you know what for the you mean for those
00:49:56
around you yeah they'll also go sit and do the work yeah and like I think too it's like to
00:50:02
see me in such a place now where I'm okay I think a lot of people forget like
00:50:08
that I that I went through that too like they just see me now and like everything's great but and I see myself
00:50:13
now and everything's great but again I I'm at a different place when a lot of people still have to maybe sit with the
00:50:19
things that I maybe wasn't aware of or I wasn't a coma or what you know the decisions and the talks that happened
00:50:26
when you know it was it was crucial
00:50:32
to my well-being and even if I was going to survive or not when you came out of hospital and you spent with your the
00:50:38
next eight months in a wheelchair in real pain um
00:50:43
depressed very what were your prospects for life in your own from your own
00:50:49
perspective what were you thinking your life was if you thought about the future if at all what was the future for you in those
00:50:56
moments I didn't have one I I definitely I think that's also why I was so
00:51:02
suicidal is because I had this life you know I had everything at my fingertips I
00:51:08
was able to do everything and anything um and there were so many goals that I wanted to achieve and to to I just
00:51:15
wanted to live my life I just thought like I just had so many hopes and dreams that
00:51:20
in that moment of like sitting in my my my darkest room because I didn't want to
00:51:26
see the world I had it like completely blacked out um and having to sit with myself and
00:51:31
like seeing myself in a wheelchair I mean people who are in wheelchairs are my heroes because I
00:51:37
don't know how they face a world that's not meant for them it's hard it's so hard to go outside and to go and just do
00:51:44
the simplest things and to a be looked at differently um just things that we as people who are
00:51:52
able to just be able-bodied or have Prosthetics or move or or whatever how
00:51:57
that challenges them you know and then face a world that kind of just looks at them and and kind of
00:52:03
doesn't in a way it's it's hard like I don't think if I had to be in a
00:52:08
wheelchair would I be that strong mentally it takes a really strong person mentally to be
00:52:14
to live that type of life and and I hold the utmost respect for anyone that
00:52:20
has to live in a wheelchair or be in a wheelchair because you're [ __ ] a rock star and so strong
00:52:26
and for those eight months I was just like there's no way I can live my life like this there's no way I can
00:52:32
it's just not accessible the world is not accessible I learned that it's just not
00:52:39
and it's it's and then you just look down upon which is just crazy because
00:52:46
you're really so strong to have to you know
00:52:51
just face the world every day what is that like you said you look down upon what did you learn about the way that
00:52:57
people in wheelchairs are viewed people with disabilities in general I think it's just like there's just like stigma
00:53:02
of incapable because you maybe look a certain way or
00:53:09
because you're confined in a certain space or the world is not built for that the world is is built for you know run
00:53:16
in walk stairs you know a shower or even just step like people
00:53:21
forget that there are people who can't do those things and they're a lot of time left out
00:53:26
and and in those moments I've learned that because I've faced it myself
00:53:33
I think in my journey it's interesting because like I've had to face so many different
00:53:38
parts of life and lived So Many Lives four maybe shorts up out of time but at
00:53:43
least in those moments I've been able to relate and to live with maybe some
00:53:48
something that someone does have to live with forever and how strong you have to be and what
00:53:54
it takes every day to face a world you know that isn't really made for you
00:54:00
or accepting of you or you know just because you you look a certain way
00:54:05
you're immediately judged or or just seen as you can't do it and that's not
00:54:10
true were you going outside during that eight months barely
00:54:17
I hid myself I I didn't even like um
00:54:23
yeah maybe just like somewhat get my dog outside my mama kind of force me but
00:54:29
I wouldn't I would just definitely want to stay in my own little world as dark as possible and just hide as dark as
00:54:37
possible yeah because I didn't I didn't want to see outside because I couldn't go outside like I used to look at people with legs and be so pissed because I'm
00:54:44
like why do they have their legs and I don't because you're so depressed and so like
00:54:50
just in this zone of like you don't want to live anymore let alone like you're
00:54:55
angry at the world because just of life because you can't live it the way that you used to
00:55:00
and yeah you just you just it was just a really dark time of trying to figure out
00:55:07
again why am I here what am I doing is there a place for me I didn't think I
00:55:14
would ever be accepted by the modeling world at all let alone looked at let
00:55:19
alone find love genuine love um I
00:55:25
again I didn't even think of life I just thought of how can I get out of this
00:55:30
misery and that's why I was like just contemplating suicide daily
00:55:36
every day I was just like how can I do this it's really um it's really
00:55:43
it's really just really hard to think about when you see no light at the end of the tunnel for such a long period of
00:55:50
time like there's never been been through hard things in my life but there's always been a glimmer of light even at the end of a tunnel and to be in
00:55:57
a situation where you're waking up every day and there is no light at the end of the tunnel as far as you can see
00:56:03
but carrying on regardless well so my foot was questionable so I'm
00:56:09
having to go to wound care I'm having to go to Hyperbaric every day my whole
00:56:15
entire world shattered and I'm just sitting there with the pieces and then I'm just in excruciating pain I mean the
00:56:21
pain that I lived with for even seven years before I made the decision to
00:56:26
amputate my my second leg I had because I was so young my body was overproducing so much calcium that my bones even
00:56:33
though I didn't have toes anymore my bones were literally protruding out my skin like pushing and trying to
00:56:39
basically fix the damage by like growing new toes but it's impossible
00:56:46
so I would have to go in and they would have to amputate that so I'd have to get
00:56:52
my that cut out of me as well I had to do that surgery twice I'd have to go to
00:56:57
wound care every every Monday every other Monday
00:57:03
um because my heel was so badly damaged that again like I told you with the skin
00:57:08
there's no skin on this planet that's strong enough so I had to do Apple grass which is which is basically baby
00:57:14
foreskin um because that's the only skin that's tough enough and they did two transplants of that on
00:57:21
my heel and then Hyperbaric to try to get you know everything to kind of come together but even doing that I would my
00:57:29
sweat glands are really damaged so I would sweat and then the they would just
00:57:34
kind of get really hard and stay there and I'd have to surgically get them removed every Monday
00:57:42
and I was just like in so much pain because there was no fat pads even on on the bottom of my where the toes would be
00:57:47
so I'm just on bone so every time I'm stepping I'm just like it's just
00:57:52
excruciating pain it just felt like um you know when you
00:57:57
have a toothache it's like that consistent throbbing pain that you can't get rid of
00:58:03
obviously until you go to the dentist but that was something that I lived with for seven years
00:58:10
crazy I don't know how I did it but I just thought that I had my whole leg and I just I'm the type of person
00:58:18
that needs to exhaust all of my options before I make a decision and that's something that I just had to do
00:58:24
but in a way I wish I would have taken my Godfathers advice in that moment of being like just
00:58:31
take them both because yeah I can sit here now and say that probably would have been the best answer but what have
00:58:37
I survived and not killed myself I don't know but I think gradually doing one and
00:58:42
learning how to live and to adapt and you know just how to have a prosthetic
00:58:48
in general and to all the capabilities and things I can do I had to kind of learn as a slow process in a way I think
00:58:56
that was my life for seven years I don't know how I did it how did you do it
00:59:02
I did it my face also knowing that I have this purpose that I have to you
00:59:09
know scream out in The toppest Mountain that I possibly can find and yell and and get people to pay attention and
00:59:16
I think realizing that I'm just the lucky one really gives me the fight for
00:59:21
these next Generations to come to not allow this to ever happen again to another soul and to hopefully change the worlds where
00:59:28
that this is not an issue anymore and it may take my entire life but that
00:59:34
is my purpose quick one before we get back to this episode just give me 30 seconds of your time two things I wanted to say the first
00:59:41
thing is a huge thank you for listening and tuning in to the show week after week means the world to all of us and
00:59:46
this really is a dream that we absolutely never had and couldn't have imagined getting to this place but
00:59:51
secondly it's a dream where we feel like we're only just getting started and if you enjoy what we do here please join
00:59:57
the 24 of people who watch this channel regularly and have hit that subscribe button means more than I can say and if
01:00:05
you hit that subscribe button here's a promise I'm gonna make to you I'm gonna do everything in my power to make this
01:00:10
show as good as I can now and into the future we're going to deliver the guests that you want me to speak to and we're
01:00:16
going to continue to keep doing all of the things you love about the show thank you thank you so much back to the
01:00:22
episode did you get therapy during that period those eight months was there any sort of psychological support yeah
01:00:27
definitely I had a lot of that um and it's interesting because during that
01:00:33
process obviously it was I was so dark and so just not wanting to be here but the one
01:00:41
consistent thing which is the irony of it all is like my grandpa telling me about the um the
01:00:47
veterans that that come back and and all this stuff and just me being like no no I don't understand that I don't
01:00:53
understand that comparison then my therapist at the time was working at the VA and she was like you know what you
01:00:59
should really come talk to some of these guys and see you know how how they're living their lives I was just like no
01:01:04
this is not the same cut to my prosthetic Guy Peter harsh who's
01:01:09
incredible he's down in San Diego he's an angel like he's just the best at what he does who is he
01:01:15
his name is Peter harsh what does he do he's my prosthetist prosthetist um but he's like the best in the world and
01:01:21
literally an angel I got recommended to go down to him because I'm an athlete and I you know I'm young and I'm active
01:01:27
and I want to live my life and so he would be setting me up for that lifestyle that I'd want and he's the guy
01:01:33
to see so I got recommended to go to him but in that time period of having to sit kind of like like this but around a
01:01:39
table in his office or his facility he's dealing with a lot of the veterans
01:01:44
and he's the one that gets them and fights the VA to get them taken care of and it's just so
01:01:51
interesting that I've had to sit in this chair amongst all these amazing
01:01:57
individuals and hearing their stories and learning about the fight and and just
01:02:03
the resilience of them and finally seeing what everyone was kind of saying
01:02:08
as far as the comparison or like you are just like them and me never understanding but the
01:02:15
common denominator when I look around the room is we didn't kill ourselves
01:02:20
we are alive we chose to live and we all had that moment in our
01:02:25
Journeys however we lost our legs to want to give up to want to pull the trigger to want to end it all and we
01:02:32
fought to be in that chair and that was like it just came so first full circle for me
01:02:39
and it was just like this beautiful kind of like aha moment of like roll with the punches of life regardless
01:02:46
of how they come at you it's it's about you know how you react to it
01:02:52
what's your choice going to be and to know that we all made that choice is like
01:02:58
you know incredible not an easy choice to make there isn't that acceptance you describe
01:03:04
no I think that's kind of that's kind of what I'm I'm really I'm really curious
01:03:10
about is the journey one goes on where they at first they try and fight the
01:03:16
thing that's happened to them and then that whole contemplation around the Injustice why me this was preventable
01:03:22
um this is unfair you're looking out your window you said and seeing people with legs and I read that you were even annoyed at the sunshine
01:03:29
you go through that chapter which is it's a real it's a conflict right it's a
01:03:35
conflict with oneself and the nature of what's happened and then at some point you arrive over this other side where
01:03:40
you use the word acceptance you kind of accept it and you make as you said a choice you realize that there's a choice
01:03:46
you can make um that whole journey because you know whether someone's had an amputation or
01:03:53
not there's so many people in their lives right now that are some things happen to them they're feeling that sense of Injustice
01:03:59
um you know they're going through the motions of blame or or guilt or whatever it might be to try and understand how it
01:04:05
was avoidable but the journey from that place the conflict plays to this acceptance
01:04:11
what you know what does it take for us to get to acceptance faster I guess is my question because
01:04:17
acceptance seems to be a much happier place I mean design time
01:04:24
you can't rush it you have no control over it and I think that's when
01:04:30
it's those moments when you have to sit in it sit with it feel it feel every part of it
01:04:36
and you have to figure out what are you going to do with what you have and what you've been given
01:04:42
and you know I had to do that I didn't have a choice
01:04:48
I didn't want to be in a wheelchair and I saw you know my only option was a prosthetic but how was I going to
01:04:55
you know make it cool or make it me or make it you know something that I could
01:05:00
feel like all right like this is my my new self this is my new chapter this is my new
01:05:06
beginning it was more so like I needed to see it as a challenge first because that's how my mind operated of like
01:05:12
Lauren you have no other [ __ ] Choice you're either gonna be depressed and kill yourself and end it or you're gonna
01:05:18
get the [ __ ] up and figure out what you're gonna have to do to survive and live the best life that
01:05:23
you know you deserve and it was just a slow process slope
01:05:29
like I wish I could put the fast forward and be like what I know now I knew back then but it's impossible I every part of
01:05:36
my journey and everything that I've been through has gotten me to this place every every part has shaped me and
01:05:42
molded me into who I am right now and a lot of that had to do with me doing the work and processing and again seeing
01:05:49
that our physical beings is nothing doesn't matter it's like a shiny object
01:05:55
but you can be the most beautiful person but you can be the most sad unfulfilled
01:06:01
ugly person you know I mean it just it doesn't mean anything it's about what you do on this planet not just for
01:06:07
yourself but for others how can you leave that impact you know and that's kind of like how I
01:06:14
now live my life every day is because again everyone is is fighting something every day and a lot of those ones you
01:06:20
can't see it's mental it's it's trauma that you'll never speak about or talk about her whatever but you are
01:06:26
internally having to deal with and face on a daily basis and
01:06:31
I think if anyone sees me if I'm just getting out of my car if I'm walking to get coffee or I'm laughing
01:06:38
I'm hanging whatever you see me on the cover of something Google me whatever and you see
01:06:44
that I didn't just wake up and get here that I too had all of those feelings
01:06:51
that depression that State of Mind of not wanting to be here but not allowing that to Define me and
01:06:57
to define the future that I knew that I could have for myself you got to see that even though things are very small those those
01:07:04
big celebrations of even just getting up the next day even though you don't want to or you know
01:07:10
facing something super hard or pushing yourself out the door when you don't want to or you know not taking the
01:07:17
pills that are in front of you and ending it that waking up the next day is a new day
01:07:22
that like you made it from that point so it's just about gradually building onto that
01:07:29
every every little little challenge is a success that you've overcome
01:07:34
and it adds up over time and then soon enough you'll be in a place where you're like looking back and being like wow
01:07:40
I did that and I think that's the beauty of like
01:07:45
life and the darkest Times Really mold us for the
01:07:51
people that we're supposed to be it's so incredible because you know we've everyone in their own lives feels
01:07:56
like they've overcome something right and the degrees in which the the mountains that they've overcome are all
01:08:02
different sizes and that's why your advice there is so unbelievably important and Powerful
01:08:07
because it is life advice for us all it's not
01:08:15
um someone who has an amputation advice in that I sort as you were speaking I saw all of the struggles I've been
01:08:20
through in my life and the process the things you're saying about time a community meeting other people that
01:08:26
have been been through hardships that you can relate to and not making you feel like you belong and you're understood and your plight is is a human
01:08:34
plight you're not you know broken or or or or there's nothing wrong with you this is what it is to be a human I was
01:08:41
as you were speaking as well I was thinking about this idea of strength and it is so tempting to say oh my God
01:08:47
you're so strong and in any in the context of how someone might view you and say you've got Incredible strength
01:08:53
which you have um there's also this other side of using the word strength which makes me feel a
01:08:58
bit uncomfortable because when we think of strength sometimes we think of like
01:09:04
kind of like buckle up yeah yeah but actually I think from what I've learned from doing this anyway the path to
01:09:10
strength is actually often being okay to be vulnerable and and be what some people might describe as
01:09:16
quote-unquote weakness which is like being willing to talk and being willing to cry and being willing to hold your
01:09:22
hands up and say I need help um and it's almost ironical ironic that that's the path to strength that
01:09:29
sometimes a vulnerability and saying I need help is the path to that make sense yeah but it's also
01:09:36
owning it being able to like be like this is what it is and and you know patience and time and once
01:09:42
you understand that you can't rush that especially when something physical happens to you can't rush the human body
01:09:48
to heal right away it's impossible so I really had no choice it was like I had
01:09:53
to feel I had to sit with it I had to use a wheelchair I had to use a stool for a
01:09:59
shower I had to you know learn how to walk without a limp I you know I I had
01:10:05
to force myself to do the uncomfortable but we only grow in the uncomfortable if
01:10:10
we're feeling fine and great and everything's Dandy we're not growing we're just
01:10:17
staying the same you make the decision some years later I think six or seven years later that you
01:10:23
um you wanted to amputate the second leg your left leg
01:10:29
why I wanted my life back I wanted my freedom I was turning 30 and I was like
01:10:34
I want to be a mom I'm an athlete I want to just be able to run
01:10:39
I want to feel the the wind in my hair you know the wind on my face I just want
01:10:45
to be able to move movement is so important and I wasn't able to do that with that
01:10:50
leg it was holding you back it was holding me back from living my truth and I knew it was the best decision that
01:10:57
I was going to make for myself and it is I never ever look back and say oh I shouldn't have done it I more so look
01:11:03
back and say I should have done it sooner or I wish I would have done it sooner I guess on The Today Show you said
01:11:09
um losing your first like saved saved your life and losing the second lap like gave you your freedom
01:11:19
which is so interesting it's such a it's such an interesting um unexpected thing to hear that losing
01:11:26
your second leg is the thing that allowed you to have your freedom how did life change once you'd made that decision and you've gone through that
01:11:32
operation so I didn't have toes and then my heel was still just it just would never be
01:11:38
normal again and it was just like why am I going this is not living I'm
01:11:45
just getting by I'm just waking up and going to the doctors or I'm not going and going for a run
01:11:51
I'm not going to go and play basketball I'm not going to be able to just walk down the street comfortably
01:11:57
you know I I definitely even like right in the beginning like I would wear hoodies and sweatpants I mean you can
01:12:03
see the heat wave here right now that's kind of what I was in but I was in like you know huge sweatshirt huge sweatpants
01:12:11
making sure like no one could see that I didn't have a leg because I was so scared of what other
01:12:17
people would think I I just was ashamed of myself I was ashamed of what happened I didn't I just didn't know what was
01:12:24
happening or what would happen next because it was so unknown so I was just trying to like still I
01:12:30
guess live in this world that I thought was of that girl but I was no longer that girl
01:12:36
and this was your God is your Godfather's advice was to at the time when you first had the incident first happened your Godfather's advice was to
01:12:43
amputate both legs yeah and by the time you you'd gone through that decision to amputate the left leg as well was your
01:12:49
godfather still around he he was around
01:12:54
um but then shortly after he died in a horrific car accident
01:12:59
which was is really crazy because he literally sat with me every single day
01:13:05
you know hoping and praying that I would survive you know you know playing Bob
01:13:10
Marley's three little birds and seeing to me you know and then cut to
01:13:15
he's killed and I'm okay so it was just like
01:13:21
how that happened is insane but he was like your father yeah he was incredible he was one of the
01:13:30
biggest Sports agents in the world for basketball um and he was just like double 07 like
01:13:35
so swaggy so cool like you know had to ask him and he just lived this like cool
01:13:40
lifestyle and was just the coolest guy and was so smart and
01:13:47
loving and sweet and yeah just just everything I didn't have within a fatherly figure he definitely was my
01:13:55
rock um in that aspect of life up until you know the very end
01:14:02
how does how does how does losing him impact you at that that point in your life it was hard it was just like
01:14:09
I literally had just amputated so I was on crutches um
01:14:15
I just bought a house so I was like really wanting him to come over and see it and you know I still have a voicemail
01:14:22
that I missed his call and the voicemail was like hey let me know like when I can come over and finally see you know the
01:14:28
crib and check it out and blah blah and I was like that was it and then like I think a few days later
01:14:35
he died but it's just it's just crazy because
01:14:41
I know he's proud of me and I know that like I have so many angels that I carry with me and I just know that he's
01:14:47
he's Along on this journey I know he's super proud of me so if I can you know I live with that so
01:14:53
and he has an amazing little son that's the best as well so
01:14:59
he's still here in a lot of different ways and he's aware how much he helped you
01:15:05
throughout through that period I think he's still really young but I but it's it's interesting because like
01:15:11
you know for kids to see me like kind of like a robot or like a superhero
01:15:16
you know I walk out and then I just see these gold legs and it's like it's interesting because a lot of kids at
01:15:22
first don't even notice them and then when they do then they're just fixated then they're just like staring
01:15:28
and then they're just like it was just one little boy I remember being in in the Switzerland in the airport
01:15:34
and he literally sat on top of his suitcase kept rolling up his pant leg looking at his leg looking at me looking
01:15:40
at his leg looking at me and then I remember his mom was like you know can you can he ask you a question or
01:15:46
something I was like of course like he came over and then he started to like try to race me in the airport because I wanted to see how fast I was and then he
01:15:52
was like touching up my leg and feeling and I was like I'm like a superhero I'm like a robot and he's like yeah and then at the end of it he's like tugging on
01:15:58
his mom's shirt and he's like he's like Mommy Mommy I want a golden leg and I
01:16:04
was just like yeah yeah it's pretty cool I must say but again that's just like I've learned
01:16:10
too it's like in in this journey that owning it and accepting it and being okay with it it only attracts people's
01:16:16
curiosity instead of shutting them away or making them feel like they shouldn't ask the questions and especially with young kids their their brains are like
01:16:23
sponges and they're curious and a lot of people you know that may look different
01:16:30
their their mothers or their parents are probably like don't look don't stare don't and that's not what you should do
01:16:35
let them ask the questions like I'm an open book but like I think giving little kids that idea of
01:16:43
there is something wrong don't ask don't question it should be like you should ask the
01:16:49
questions and you should Wonder because that kid now is going to see someone like myself or
01:16:55
just think that I'm the coolest thing on the planet instead of leaving thinking
01:17:00
that there's something wrong or that I'm incapable or unable to do something so I think it just the perception of I think
01:17:07
how you just carry yourself is really important because you don't know who's watching
01:17:14
and it's usually the ones that like are in the you know the little ones and those are the ones that are this next
01:17:20
generation or the generations that come golden legs golden legs why golden
01:17:28
um it was 2012 obsessed with Brianna um and the irony of of Rihanna is that
01:17:34
my mom had got me tickets to go see her and I was so depressed and in a
01:17:39
wheelchair and I was so embarrassed and I was like I'm not gonna go so I didn't go cut to she hires me for Savage
01:17:46
and it was just so like full circle moment for me too because I'm like Rihanna's hiring me for her brand and I
01:17:53
I was so embarrassed to go to the concert just crazy life but anyway now she's married days or and you know has
01:17:59
babies with ASAP and ASAP was the reason why I chose the golden legs because he
01:18:04
had the Golden Grill like he was all about that especially at that time that was his thing his gold teeth and I was
01:18:11
like you know what I may not have gold teeth right now but I'm gonna get some gold legs
01:18:16
and it's kind of just been my thing and I love gold I love gold jewelry and I have a grill too I've
01:18:22
you know so many different things but like my legs are they're my jewelry piece
01:18:27
they're like my trophies it's also a statement of um of the kind
01:18:33
of where you were with the acceptance piece because you went from the sweatpants where you're trying to hide
01:18:39
to the gold where you're like look at this look how cool this is It's a real it's a kind of a real psychological
01:18:45
journey to to get from there to there yeah and I think it's just about again finding and
01:18:50
making it your own and figuring out what works for you and how like you know and I'm also that was zero zero one percent
01:18:56
that is so lucky to be able to have the access to the Prosthetics that allow me to move the way I do that allow me to
01:19:04
walk the way I do you know Prosthetics are so expensive um and tell me that because I'm in
01:19:11
obviously I don't know about Prosthetics in terms of books so Prosthetics are really expensive because
01:19:17
like the feet are what allow you to do everything right um and Healthcare like God forbid
01:19:24
someone goes and get hit by a car tomorrow they're just given the basic needs that are going to be met which is
01:19:31
just like a peg leg that just gets you from point A to point B anything that's allowing you to basically get back to
01:19:38
your livelihood meaning running biking swimming any of that stuff going into the ocean even
01:19:43
that's a luxury considered so Healthcare doesn't really provide you with that option so
01:19:50
I'm grateful that I'm that I'm sponsored by oser who's a prosthetic company out of Iceland that they're so Advanced and
01:19:58
so like ahead of the game um that they've made my feet
01:20:03
to where it's like the blade is like an ankle to where like the mobility and
01:20:09
flexibility is just like as if I had a foot my blades are my running blades
01:20:16
um they're like 125 thousand dollars and that's just to run
01:20:21
just to run and I mean these are expensive too my legs are probably like a hundred thousand dollars but these are just
01:20:27
because the feet and then you know the technology that goes into them and then you know the whole leg or whatever it's
01:20:33
it's a process and it's also just sad that I'm lucky
01:20:39
that someone can't just get back to their life like that's why um this foundation called
01:20:45
um challenged athletes Foundation CAF and they work with getting their people
01:20:50
their lives back by getting them legs that they need to get back to just living their everyday life
01:20:57
if you've been listening to this podcast over the last few months you'll know that we're sponsored and supported by
01:21:02
Airbnb but it amazes me how many people don't realize they could actually be sitting on their very own Airbnb for me
01:21:08
as someone who works away a lot it just makes sense to Airbnb my place at home whilst I'm away if your job requires you
01:21:15
to be away from home for extended periods of time why leave your home empty you can so easily turn your home
01:21:21
into an Airbnb and let it generate income for you whilst you're on the road whether you could use a little extra
01:21:26
money to cover some bills or for something a little bit more fun your home might just be worth more than you
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think and you can find out how much it's worth at airbnb.com host that's airbnb.co.uk host so I want
01:21:40
to come back to this um what caused all of this you've been campaigning for some time you've spoken
01:21:46
to government officials about how to prevent this happening to other people
01:21:52
um zooming in specifically on what causes TSS
01:21:58
it's the synthetic chemicals that are put into tampon products that are that a
01:22:03
lot of big Brands still have on shelves all around the world today I'm an idiot when it comes to tampons
01:22:09
so if you had to explain this to an idiot so basically a tampon it goes
01:22:16
inside of us at a really delicate moment when our body is we're bleeding we're trying to get that blood out but yet
01:22:22
we're putting something in us that's basically like a corkscrew and all of that blood that needs to get out is
01:22:27
stuck there it's creating this perfect storm along with the dioxin the chlorine
01:22:32
the bleach all of these chemicals that are that shouldn't be anywhere near us let alone inside of us and it creates
01:22:39
The Perfect Storm so once that even sliver of of that even
01:22:45
gets in your system and your bloodstream because it is like the mecca of everything it can go straight to your
01:22:51
heart and kill you and you know that's basically what we're saying is like why are you giving us
01:22:57
something that is so toxic with all of these chemicals even if it says it's organic it's still sprayed
01:23:03
with pesticides and then we're putting that inside of us and it's like just like a petri dish of
01:23:10
of yeah like just The Perfect Storm
01:23:16
has it changed your perspective on all of these other cosmetic products we use in our lives you know like deodorant
01:23:22
everything yeah because everything has something in it I think even with the food you know and and the thing is like
01:23:29
these girls nowadays are getting their periods at such a young age eight nine ten years old because of all the
01:23:34
hormones and the food so then they're using these products way sooner than we would when I was younger and they don't even
01:23:41
have the antibodies to fight the toxins in the tampons so they're the ones that are more susceptible to even getting toxic shock syndrome
01:23:48
so you know and and a lot of these young women nowadays are getting endometriosis
01:23:54
polyps cysts cancer you know way earlier
01:23:59
than ever ever before because they're using these products
01:24:05
way before they probably should why do you think they're still on sale these
01:24:10
products and is there when you see that the products that you caused
01:24:15
all of this harm to you are still on shelves right now
01:24:21
how does that make you feel infuriating because I'm just like how is it the thing is for me it's it's about being
01:24:27
transparent right cigarettes if you go to to purchase cigarettes and you look because sometimes there's a picture it's
01:24:32
uncomfortable to see but at least that's your choice you're making the choice to use that product
01:24:38
you're not giving women choices you're not like being honest about
01:24:43
what's going in your product and what it's going to do to us if I use it for a day a month a year what is that going to
01:24:50
do to my body internally what issues may I develop you know again why also are we having to
01:24:56
use products that are just full of toxicity instead of using
01:25:03
something that could easily be changed and but it's because it's money it's easier for them to pay out lawsuits
01:25:10
or to do all of that stuff than to change all the machines
01:25:15
to change the development of the temp on his net it's actually never been changed tampon is the same as it's always been
01:25:22
the only thing that has changed is the advertising the packaging the commercials I was always pissed at the
01:25:28
commercials because I'm like how is there a girl running on a beach going down a slide running track doing all
01:25:33
this stuff but there's no warning at the bottom of a tampon commercial of what that product
01:25:38
can do to you let alone you watch Advil commercial or a men's enhancement
01:25:43
commercial and if you're not looking at the commercial you're hearing it it's a medical device
01:25:51
you think that's their approach to it that what they're well aware of the potential harm these products can cause but they'd rather just pay the lawsuit
01:25:57
than do the expensive work of changing the product yeah thousand percent this shouldn't be
01:26:04
happening it doesn't need to be happening but there's been no
01:26:09
you know no uh accountability and that's why you know I'm I'm having
01:26:15
to be in this position where I can share my story share the story of others you know
01:26:22
work with this woman trying to wake up Congress to like say hey why is it still happening what's
01:26:28
going on here you've been campaigning to have laws changed to have you've you've
01:26:34
done I mean a tremendous job probably more so than anyone else that's ever lived to raise awareness for this issue
01:26:40
um what can be done what do you want to see done to prevent this happening to other people
01:26:46
yeah I've unfortunately fortunately and unfortunately I have been working with a
01:26:52
mother who lost her teenage daughter um to toxic shock syndrome I think when she was about 18.
01:26:58
Madeline masavi um through the darkness and through the trauma of all of that we've really
01:27:04
joined forces and wanting to change the world and wanting to Advocate and wanting to pass these bills that are
01:27:10
necessary for us to be protected and it's taken a lot of time and a lot of energy and she's doing a lot of the
01:27:16
groundwork like starting her foundation don't shock me.org there's bills that we are working on to pass there was a bill
01:27:23
called the robin Danielson act which was named after a woman who died of toxic shock syndrome in 1998 and that bill in
01:27:29
itself got rejected by Congress 10 times and cut two
01:27:34
Don and I meeting with the congresswoman Carolyn Maloney in New York a few years ago to try and get that bill reintroduced me
01:27:42
sitting with a congresswoman and having the conversation about why is this still happening and if that Bill had passed
01:27:49
this probably wouldn't have happened to me and I had her speak to Dawn the woman who lost her daughter because I'm like
01:27:55
listen to this woman crying and screaming because she will never get to hear her daughter's voice
01:28:01
again see her daughter ever again because of this
01:28:06
so it was just kind of getting this congresswoman to like realize like let's reintroduce this bill but there's
01:28:12
also so many things that we need to re-introduce and also address within
01:28:17
Congress that has to change so her and I have definitely joined forces and have
01:28:23
kind of been putting together new bills and and you know again it's it's going to take
01:28:29
time and it's not going to happen overnight but it's definitely in motion and alternatives
01:28:36
a lot of the Alternatives that women do have they can still get TSS from
01:28:41
like the cup but that that I've I've had women reach out to me you know their husbands
01:28:47
writing me saying my wife of three kids is fighting for her life right now in
01:28:52
the ICU um from using a the cup or
01:28:57
um you know a lot of women want to say like I'm using organic tampons it's like okay you're using organic but it's still sprayed with pesticides you're still
01:29:03
putting poison inside of you what is the approach you would advise
01:29:09
um I think just being aware of what you're putting inside of you being aware of you know are you reading the box and
01:29:16
seeing that it has all these chemicals and you know do you really want that to be just being I guess more
01:29:24
just being more aware not just thinking that it can't happen to you because it can happen to anyone
01:29:29
at any time it's not about anyone's off limits no one is off limits that's the scary part
01:29:36
and yeah I mean just just be more aware educate yourself
01:29:41
that's the advice you would give if if a if a young girl's listening to this now and because I imagine this is a really pressing question in there in the people
01:29:48
that are listening to this in their minds is what should I do instead
01:29:53
well that's why I fight so hard is because I need women to wake up and say like well what is our alternative what
01:29:58
it what is what do we do but we're only given what we're given and what we're given is [ __ ] and it's horrible and it
01:30:05
kills us that's why I say it doesn't make sense like If This Were happening to men there
01:30:12
would be a resolution tomorrow because a lot of these companies
01:30:19
are male driven there's a lot of men sitting in the seats that are making these decisions or
01:30:24
have the power to but they don't even know what it's like to have a period they don't even know what it's like to have a baby to have to make a decision
01:30:31
if they're going to keep it or not you know it's not anyone's decision but that don't their that own their person that's
01:30:38
going through it I guess my question is about like
01:30:43
you still we've still got to use tampons right so like you you've got you might I
01:30:50
can never and I don't I can never use tampon ever again it would kill me
01:30:55
it would kill you yeah Jim you mean literally or you mean
01:31:01
psychologically no I mean I would never anyway but I'm just saying like that literally almost killed me so why would
01:31:07
I ever want to you know have that thing even in the same room as me you know
01:31:15
um yeah I can never nor would I ever suggest anyone too I mean I get it you have to but again
01:31:21
that sucks because those are the only options we have um even pads you know a lot of pads have
01:31:27
synthetic fibers as well you know um the issue is there actually is nothing
01:31:34
safe for us that we can use and go through today and be like oh you know just doing life and there's no
01:31:40
worries it's like no you have to have that consciously on your mind of like
01:31:46
oh yeah like this thing could kill me but I have to use it because I I have track today or I have to go swimming or
01:31:53
I have you know what I'm saying yeah forgiveness this topic this word of
01:32:00
forgiveness what's your you know I was thinking about what you said about the the you wouldn't want to be in the same room as that that thing because it
01:32:06
killed you because because it nearly killed you um what do you think the answer is in terms
01:32:12
of like acceptance forgiveness where'd you sit with there's this tremendous Injustice that happens to you is the
01:32:18
answer trying to get to a place of forgiveness for what happened is it acceptance and what what is what is
01:32:24
where are you at with all of that forgiveness for who for the companies that know that they're
01:32:30
killing people no it's just greed um and
01:32:37
forgiveness I don't even know what I would forgive other than
01:32:43
I don't even know if there is forgiveness I think there's just anger there's just this fight there's just this unjust that sits within me to know
01:32:49
that when I see a little girl walking down the street I see myself and
01:32:56
I see her little feet I see her little legs I see her whole spirit
01:33:01
and to know that that was me you know and not ever wanting that to
01:33:08
ever happen to another soul and I think that that's like just my
01:33:13
whole mindset of there is always going to be unjust within myself if I don't live my Truth
01:33:21
by fighting for what I believe is right and what I believe is right is equality and Safe products
01:33:29
you've done more than anyone I've ever encountered as I said a second ago to raise awareness for this
01:33:34
and I remember when my team back in London they were sat around and they were discussing you know we said we're
01:33:39
flying out to LA and Lauren's gonna be on the podcast and um Jemima who does a lot of she does she
01:33:45
leads the guest booking team she was explaining to them um what toxic
01:33:51
toxic shock syndrome is because none of them had ever heard about it before um and just just just to think about
01:33:59
that one isolated example that there's a whole team there's a whole room full of people in London now that know about it because we're having this conversation
01:34:04
there's Millions tens and tens and tens and tens of millions of people that have watched you talk about this online
01:34:10
you have done more than anyone I've ever encountered to make put this on the
01:34:16
Public's radar and you continue to do that and in doing so it is very very obvious to see how you
01:34:24
will end up saving many many many many many many people's lives you'll save save them from harm you'll save their
01:34:30
lives entirely you'll save them from the trauma that happens as a byproduct of the horrible things that happen when
01:34:35
someone undergoes toxic shock syndrome
01:34:41
and I know because you've described your faith that you are someone who
01:34:48
almost has an air of believing in Destiny and purpose and and things about you with it in mind all of the people
01:34:55
that you've helped and how you've put this this conversation on the map would you change anything absolutely not
01:35:02
if you told me tomorrow that I could wake up and have my life back I wouldn't take it
01:35:08
because what I'm doing is like you said it's fulfillment it's the fact that I know that I'm doing something
01:35:15
that needs to be done I'm fighting for
01:35:21
life for people to be able to live their lives to be able to you know like
01:35:27
go about their their days and live out whatever it is they want to achieve and know that it's you know
01:35:36
I don't know I just I feel like that's my job my job isn't done by any means
01:35:44
um you know and I and I'm I'm making a documentary right now or going to but
01:35:52
there was no reason why I should share anything with anyone because I don't need to and it's horrific what I went through
01:35:59
and it's hard to even imagine but I can be on a million covers I can do a
01:36:05
million interviews you can see images and this that and the other but unless you see me and you hear
01:36:12
me in that state will you ever be able to put someone you love
01:36:17
in that position to be like wow what is going on why is this happening I never
01:36:23
want my daughter my sister my cousin my wife you know to ever use a tampon again
01:36:31
do you know what I'm saying like someone has to see me fighting for my life
01:36:36
to be able to put themselves in a position to be protective
01:36:42
of of the ones they love and I always say this too like I'm so lucky
01:36:48
that I look the way I do right because again it matters
01:36:53
and I think that is too why I got so much attention is because I am what I look like and how did that
01:37:00
happen to her why has this happened for you know decades
01:37:08
so yeah I think it's just it's my it's my
01:37:13
duty that I I feel in my heart that like when I see a little girl
01:37:18
I need to be vulnerable to Showcase that part of my journey in my life to remind
01:37:24
people of why I am the girl with the golden likes can't be easy
01:37:30
it can't but it but it is I mean in a way it is it's because I'm okay with who I am and where I've come and knowing
01:37:36
that that's part of what what allowed me to be this person right now you know and having to go through all of
01:37:43
that but even sitting here and having this conversation with me where you have to walk back down
01:37:49
the path of that trauma I mean the only time I got emotional is when I speak about my brother or my mom and killing
01:37:54
myself and them finding me I don't cry about what happened to me and maybe that's because I just
01:38:00
suppressed everything and and you know it's this trauma that I haven't really addressed but like
01:38:05
I know enough to know that like I'm okay and like God's got me and God's always had me and like I'm living proof of that
01:38:13
I'm living proof of you know there's there's someone definitely directing my steps like I should not be
01:38:19
here and have what I have and have been able to be above and beyond blessed that I forget my trauma
01:38:26
I forget the darkness because I have so much such a beautiful life to live
01:38:32
if your work was to be done if I if I sit here with you and I don't know how many years time but if I sit here with you in a couple of I know a
01:38:39
decade it could be it could be five months and I and you you say my job is done
01:38:45
in regards to toxic shock syndrome what would you mean by that
01:38:51
meaning that we as women are protected that we are given things that are not going to kill
01:38:57
us for something that we inherently have to do every month and and that's a basic
01:39:03
necessity for life you know I mean we can't do anything without having
01:39:08
something that's gonna you know help us get through our days to be able to be
01:39:13
the bosses that we are you know and and hopefully you know knocking down these doors and
01:39:19
and making people wake up and realize like this is a huge problem and
01:39:24
hopefully getting these companies or a company to to make something to where we can go
01:39:30
about our lives and live just like everyone else and not have to worry if our tampon is going to kill us I think
01:39:36
that will be the day where I can be like wow I know that we're safe I know that
01:39:41
whatever happened to me will never happen to somebody else ever again and I think that's where the piece and maybe
01:39:48
just the you know the breath of
01:39:55
I can relax and and really just let that part of life go because I know that my voice has been
01:40:01
heard and I know that change has been done I don't know I just think the purpose of it of of being able to leave
01:40:07
a legacy of like where you're actually impacting something for people to say
01:40:12
for when you're not here that's where I feel like that's where I want to be I want to be in that like
01:40:18
that changing the world factor of how either people see themselves
01:40:24
and love themselves changing the fashion industry changing you know feminine hygiene products making sure that we're
01:40:30
all protected and safe and I think that's so much bigger and if I can save a life I mean that's bigger than
01:40:36
anything that could be bigger than any achievement you could ever imagine is because a human life and what that
01:40:43
person is and what they could be to the world is so much more than just a cover
01:40:48
or a you know fancy car or it's like it's it's so surface there's no fulfillment
01:40:56
what are those things going to do when you die nothing but you can die knowing that you've changed the world that you've changed
01:41:01
someone's life for the better and that to me is so powerful we'll learn that is what you're doing um
01:41:08
I've never been so inspired by someone um on this podcast ever and I don't [ __ ] people but like genuinely I've
01:41:14
never been so inspired because there's so many things that um you're doing as a result of speaking
01:41:22
that aren't necessarily the most obvious benefits you're having obviously your work to change the industry that harms
01:41:31
you is going to change lives but the the message of perseverance when it when there's no light at the end of the
01:41:37
tunnel and to keep on going and to have faith that um there is a higher purpose there is a
01:41:43
reason to carry on I think there's so many people around the world that are in Dark Places and they can't see a reason
01:41:49
to continue you know and a lot of them listen to this podcast because a lot of them message me and I
01:41:56
think even hearing how you manage to take yourself from that place you used time and you sat with all of the things
01:42:03
you felt and where you are now in your life I think that alone will save a lot of people's lives because there's so
01:42:08
many people honestly there's so many people that are going to listen to this that cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel you are the light at the end
01:42:14
of the tunnel you know you being here and doing what you're doing you are that light um you'll never get to see all the lives
01:42:20
you impact and change positively because of that so on behalf of all those people who I'm sure would love to message you
01:42:26
and tell you but I'll do it on their behalf thank you so much you've really really inspired me and you've inspired
01:42:31
me at a very profound deep level because um you know it's easy
01:42:36
it's easy to go through life even sometimes in the world I live in and feel a sense of sadness or Injustice or
01:42:42
to to have have a huge amount of pity for myself or whatever it might be you know um
01:42:48
and you're a constant reminder of the choice that we have every day every time we wake up so thank you yeah thank you
01:42:54
so much for having me giving me this opportunity it's been so fun thank you thank you thank you for blessing us um
01:42:59
we have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next guest not knowing who they're going to leave the question for and the question that's been left
01:43:06
for you I've not read it all because it's a little bit long but I'm going to start assume you can visit yourself
01:43:13
on the day before you die brackets in the far future I hope
01:43:19
what do you imagine that future version of you will tell
01:43:26
present day you 've done well
01:43:33
that you've set out to do what you've chosen and wanted to do and you didn't stop no matter how hard things got no
01:43:41
matter how many no's you got no matter how big the world got or
01:43:47
how high up that you couldn't see how you were ever going to get past what was in front of you but you did it and you
01:43:54
never gave up and you you saw everything as a challenge and hopefully in that moment I'll know
01:44:01
that I've changed lives saved lives changed the world for the generations to
01:44:06
come and know that my work is done and I think that's just pure beauty
01:44:18
I have no doubt Lauren thank you so much thank you too thank you thank you
01:44:26
over the last few years I've realized that my first Foundation is my health something you've heard me talk about a
01:44:32
lot nothing matters more than that first foundation so that is why I'm so excited to be involved with a company like whoop
01:44:38
who are leading the charge when it comes to bettering your health all my friends have received free Loops from me because
01:44:44
once you've tried whoop I think it's like lights turning on to your health that's the only way I can describe it my
01:44:50
sleep my performance my recovery my stress it's like someone turned the lights on I'm sure you guys know but for
01:44:55
those that don't know what whoop is it's a wearable health and fitness coach that provides you with the feedback and actionable insights into your sleep
01:45:01
recovery training stress and overall health and I've become entirely utterly obsessed with it if you know me well
01:45:07
enough you know how obsessed I am with the smallest details I think the Small Things compounded together produce the biggest gains in our life and that is
01:45:13
exactly what woop does in my health and fitness every single day being able to see my one percent gains on woop has had
01:45:19
a profound impact on my health journey I highly recommend you try it all you have to do is search join.woop.com CEO to get
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a three months whoop membership on me and if you do send me a DM and let me know how you get on I'd love I'd love
01:45:32
I'd love to know I'm someone that understands probably from doing this podcast the importance of having Greens in my diet but do I achieve that every
01:45:39
week in the chaos of my life do I achieve that sometimes the answer is no with hills Daily Greens the probability
01:45:45
of me achieving that is now almost 100 because of its convenience and because of the ease of preparing this one scoop
01:45:53
10 second Shake and you're ready to go this is the best product that he'll have
01:46:00
released in recent times many of you will think of alternatives to this but I I've tried those Alternatives and none
01:46:06
of them are as tasty as fuel's Daily Greens it was out of stock because of the demand it's now back in stock for
01:46:13
everybody in the USA right now it's not available in the UK but when you get a chance just try it that's all I'm gonna
01:46:20
say just try it and I think once you try it you'll understand why this is such an
01:46:25
essential part of my life right now and we'll probably become an essential part of yours
01:46:33
[Music]
01:46:52
thank you