Fat Face Five w/ Chris Distefano | Ep 66 | Bad Friends

what up bad friends we got new merch look at this huh the bottoms of

turtle island available now for pre-order only for this week for bad friends

monday through friday then that's it a limited run this is also what the sweater looks like we got a sweater

and the the uh the t-shirt here of the bottoms of turtle island if you're a fan of the film which i know so many of you are pre-order right now

look down in the merch bar down below or just go to badfriendsmirch.com to pre-order this just for this week

only and then it's gone badfriendsmerch.com go there pre-order it one week and then it's

gone also come see me live andrew santino.com come check me out i'm on the road bobo

is not but i am uh i'm gonna be in atlantic city at the end of the month then i go to houston then i go to

madison and boston and nashville we're going all over the place so go to andrewsantino.com for

them tickets baby you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude

you two are disgusting oh you two or something we're bad friends i want to

introduce uh you know what rudy you introduce our our fill in for the day our fill and guess

go ahead rude um this will be great um welcome everybody

this is tennis purpose dennis pappas dennis peppis is dennis pepes hi

i'm dennis pappas do you know who this is i know his first name is chris chris yes what's his last name

begins with a d don't that's gross don't do that don't go there this begins with a d

i no you're not crystallia no yes no oh

no this is chris did

thank you i want to say rudy i apologize the last time i was in here um i gave everybody kovitz i gave

everybody covet and i farted a lot and i i just want to say i apologize for that remember how repulsed you were he sat

between us and uh he ate cake uh would you oh yeah you brought i brought cake from um from the bakery

across the street whatever it's called oh cutie pootsie pudding pie cutesy puts in my ass cutesy puts he put in pie and now he's here today

but today we really want more than anything rudy to take over the show because tito bobby is gone

and i want her to kind of drive the engine today and tito bobby has gone up i've heard forever on the news yes

yeah there was a crisis that he's out do you know what happened in hungary did you hear no he broke the quarantine rules

and which i'm you know i'm not surprised and he went out to go get

a video game they told him not to leave the hotel he got a video game and now he's in hungary jail yes and

it's not good for him because if you know anything about history is the uh mongolians with genghis khan had really

a lot they really ravage through hungary and anybody who looks mildly mongolian which bobby i would say

looks moderately mongolian mild to medium mild to media and mongol mmm yeah he is there's a lot of retribution

there rightfully so from what happened so bobby i don't know if he'll make it out of the hungarian jail probably not tbh do you want to send a

message to tito bob because we're going to try to send this to hungary so hungary so why don't you send

a message to tito bobby we can send this to him in hungary hi to bobby i hope you're okay

i hope the video game was worth it yeah i know you said that you were really lonely there

yeah and i hope that you're okay and i think isla is still mad at you bye

bye bye it does seem like uh she it does seem like she doesn't even know him the more i hear her talk about him

on the show it's almost like it's a guy she's never met before and what is it it's her uncle well it's kalila's kalila's

niece you know niece's boyfriend okay she what's the relationship you got it i'm sorry collision there's kalila's niece

that is kalila's niece male got it okay and you know and bobby is

i mean i guess they're technically married yeah they're common law do you know that in california if you live together for

look up common law california i think it's you live together if you live in the same residence for seven years your your common law married which means

if they split like the house yeah they'd have to split it uh common law ooh there's not in california they don't

recognize common law so he's good he can get out good he could get out does not have a common law marriage unmarried couples who have been together

for an extended period of time do still have some right so she would have some rights some rights well you know if that

ended if it ended tito bobby and and what is it what's anti again epic lila

i know i thought there was a word for auntie it's filipino yeah it's filipino no no

because i work i i work a lot when i was a physical therapist i work a lot with filipino you did oh in new york at least

many of the healthcare professionals are filipinos are they most of them are especially

physical therapists a lot i would say when i was working for the new york city board of ed it was there was me there was

uh an indian woman and then there was like six or seven filipinos really yes can you name some of these people by the first name um um

there was uh irwin catherine catherine uh arwen catherine yep um bobby

um yeah the one guy's name was bobby but you would say bobby um that was

manny of course manny sure he wasn't that wasn't just a puerto rican kid who got

it no was that no i'm filipino it no no you know what now that i'm thinking back i think it might have actually been manny pacquiao

but so and then we would go to um there was a uh uh a fast food place a filipino fast food

filipino fast food place called um jolly something jolly bee jolly b they love

they love chicken so they have them in los angeles okay so we would go to the one and there was one in jersey city and i remember

for arwen's birthday that's what i got him i got him uh uh a whole thing of of jolly bee and a

rooster and they that they liked it that's what they like yeah a live rooster why do you like why do you guys like

jolly bee we've talked about it on this show but i really can't figure it out it just reminds you of the homeland yeah and the chicken is really good it's

very good it's not like chick-fil-a chicken yeah you don't need chick-fil-a chicken's better isn't it i've never tried

chick-fil-a filipino people i i the kindest um i personally think the kindest type of

asian you don't think so japanese i don't know many japanese in new york

japanese is more out here that's out here but filipino i i like i they to me

filipino people are the kindest asian right at least in new york if i've met a japanese person

um from japan yeah i i would i would like i would you would

like them more i would like them more she'll tell you their filipinos can be mean really

it depends but she can be mean hold up your hands rudy if you don't mind very small hands you have bigger hands

for a filipino person but most of the filipino people i worked with had had very small hands that's why they were good at physical therapists

physical therapy because they get their small fingers inside the muscles and behind the bones and i

remember miss catherine said to me once i said what's the key for you to being such a good physical therapist and she

said small filipino hands does that what you said that's what she said yeah and i and she said she said your hand's too big rudy is a giant in

in the philippines very giant she's five seven five five five five how old are you rudy i'm 19.

46. 19 years old so 19 years old um so there are it's

getting to the point where you will be expected to in the filipino family to start to marry children coming up or not or more

they're more new school no i don't want to have kids you don't want to hate kids so okay so

okay yeah she doesn't want children and we're supporting that we support that because we also don't want her to start dating guys that's

like a big no-no she's going away to college we're getting inside i want to date god no no on a date guys rudy we i already

we went over this no no it's just not gonna happen we're gonna arrange a marriage for her we

talked about it okay when she's 30 and we're going to arrange it we're going to put it all together

fancy's going to be the little ring boy great you know pete is obviously going to be the flower girl sure uh bobby is going to be best man

i'm going to be bridesmaid yes because yes i want my day yes and we're going to arrange the marriage

she's going to be 30 years old and the wedding is going to take place in riverside california riverside california empire yeah we want in the ie

because we want trucker hats and yes flatbeds and bros that's beautiful and sublime the whole

sublime is the song that we're going to play all the sublime songs great yeah they're going to santeria is the

first dance yeah i'll go i'll also come to the wedding by that time i would be about 50 i should be about

three four years in a wheelchair like i hope so yeah do you really feel like you're getting old like that yeah

yeah no i just feel like i just feel like you know i just feel like with me it's catching

up it's not that it's catching up but i just i just feel like i'm destined to have some type of cerebrospinal injury

[Laughter] i don't know where you're going yeah you

do you probably will get paralyzed yes at some point no rudy you can start

dating and we're just so nervous about it because i feel like you're like part of my family now and i just don't like the

idea of boys in college and yeah parties because you're not going to be out

partying you're going to be still living at home right yeah but i also want to party what's your dream

in school dream college um i don't have yeah she doesn't okay devry

or phoenix online is what i phoenix online yeah yeah p-h-e-d-u i can be i can go to any school i want

you to go to who do you hear what you just pepperdine i can go to any school because do you have good grades and i guess

she's very smart now she asked her any school no no no no i don't think she has any school

questions she's very smart seriously what's the capital of the philippines there you go it's manila manila that's it give her another one

okay okay look at how good she is go anything anything from school anything from school and not even

american history just any school american history she did have to study american history how many planets are there and can you name them that's not

american but yeah well we discovered space americans discovered outer space do you know the

acronym for all the planets no what is it my very

i don't know what it is i just know them you know what i'm talking about well let's see mercury mercury venus my very something mother

earth my very earth my very astute mother well it stood's with an a astute astute

a-s-t-u-t-e yes shh astute astute look up the acronym of the planets my

very astute mother or something like my very cause i don't know what it is have you ever heard of this you guys didn't do

this in school no plan an acronym my very educated mother see just just served us noodles racist

that is extremely racist that is extremely and i want to say on behalf of the of the white community i apologize for

an acronym like that that is that is horrible that a white woman did that you see what they did serve this noodle

educated mother meaning like oh she's book smart she must be an asian mom noodle that's how they did that that's

disgusting that's repulsive wikihow disgusting there are many other end foods yeah go ahead

my very educated mother served us nutella nutella that's why you're a 36 waist that's yeah

i love oh i love sugar and it's a hazelnut treat

rudy let's make let's let's do an acronym for you my let's let's see what you're actually going to be for mercury venus earth mars

jupiter saturn uranus neptune although didn't we we went back and forth on mars for a while didn't we

no not mo um um what do you mean mars like if it's a planet or not if it's if it's habitable it's it oh if it's

inhabitable but we you know pluto pluto is around yeah well good we don't so what would it be what was it

when we were kids it would be my very because now they're missing pluto so i'd say my very educated mother served us noodles [ __ ] maybe that's how

you remember the pluto that's how they had no problem dropping it off the end [Laughter]

uh my very m my very uh erotic mother yes

just served us no just nasty [ __ ] just sucked how about my very erotic

mother just sucks just sucked us just sucked us nice nice

that's the one okay rudy so that's what it is

how disgusting so you go to pepperdine and you tell them that let's see what they say in malibu oh my

buddy told me such a funny story cause when you said japanese man at the beginning of this it reminded me you know because when you put man after

something it's racist now you know what do you mean well you can't say like china man is racist no you can't say that right that's racist

right but my friend was had a driver for him like he had a driver was taking him to this job and he was in london and the

british guy was like you know he's talking about america and talking about pc culture and whatever oh

hello america yeah in america and my buddy's just sitting there nodding off just like yeah whatever and he goes i mean you can't even say

[ __ ] anymore and my buddy's like no i don't think he can yeah and he goes but why not

he goes uh i don't think they like it and he goes yeah but look he's from china isn't he

yeah he's chinese he's a man from china china man i'm from england i'm a man i'm an

englishman and he goes yeah but i think it's that they don't like it he goes

what if some englishmen don't like to be called englishmen he's like i think you guys got to make a big thing about it and then it'll get more

attention so let's make a big thing right now because i it's racially englishman i actually just

found out recently through ancestry.com that i am i think eight percent english no

offended by what you just the accent you just did offended sorry i have offended well i'm sorry i take it

off yeah yes and i should work i'm trying to work on my accents because i'm watching uh

the drive to survive the formula one shot oh me too dude i'm in season two let me tell you

something you ever watched this do you know what f1 is no do you you've never heard of it before it's race race cars look pull up

f1 pizza she can i didn't know a thing about i i've been here for two months in l.a when i got to

la i didn't know a thing about this now i cannot i would pay do you want to go to the one in miami though how bad he is

at google what are you doing he's [ __ ] like kites i mean pete jesus christ

god pete he brings up kites like do you mean f1 kite kiting competition in long beach

every year no pete yeah f1 cars that's have you ever seen these before and yes i do want to go

it's in miami yeah grand prix is in miami at the end of this year well you know there there usually is one in long beach and i've been to the one in long

beach like the one with all these big time drivers f1 is in long beach yeah they do they did one so i let me understand something though real

quick okay because watching that documentary and maybe if this is too esoteric inside stuff if it is i'll i'll

be quick but like mercedes and and and um who's the other one who always wins well

for a long time it was just mercedes and ferrari but that but mclaren is doing pretty well but they are but but it feels like at least in

this in this netflix thing it's like you it's impossible to beat mercedes and ferrari it's not fair like sports is fair in the

sense of yes some team can get better players but literally they are in better machines yeah it's

almost like mercedes and ferrari allowed to use steroids and nobody else can correct so that for me why it's a little

bit of a disconnect i'm like they're not all in fair machines well no well no well technically i mean all the standards

have to be the same right so they often meet the same kind of standard you can't go like you you couldn't have an engine that would have so much more

power than the other engines i mean tweaks make them performance better but like there's a

there's standards of what that means yeah it couldn't be like one guy driving a a honda crv versus a

ferrari testarossa you know you can't like there's a there's a level that all these cars kind of have to meet they have to

follow these qualifications both for like design of the cars and both for the the weight and the

the the engine output and all that stuff it has to meet specifications because mercedes and ferrari it seems like they're always winning though is that

just because they're lewis hamilton and the other guys lewis hamilton is he's just a superior driver he's one of the greatest drivers of all

time right i mean i think some people would say he might be the greatest f1 and i mean what a handsome gorgeous do you know who lewis

hamilton look him up you she could what if what if lewis hamilton right there would like rudy out on a

date would that be okay would you go on a date with someone like louis i don't even know how old he is i think he might be in his thirties but

he gets paid 30 million dollars a year to drive her 30 million he's driving race cars [Music]

is he cute to you yeah but he's so old he's old and that's how we feel with her we're

old yeah we're old yeah he's not old he's like 30 years old but to her she's like he's old and gross he's yeah and i mean

we're so we're disgusting that to you i'm 36 and andrew's 37 actual truly hideous be i don't need it

for me because i already know rudy but on a scale of one to ten our guest today as a guy looks wise what is what is he

looks wise like old man you go oh that old guy he he's like a what out of ten five yeah

i knew that was coming i could feel that yeah that's what you are even with this i doesn't matter the five

that the smile makes it less maybe four nights okay okay try try this how about now rude

four four yeah it got worse i could feel that what about when i'm sipping a drink

three two yeah it's gone down it's going waiting a two yeah what about side profile oh my god

it's even worse zero zero yeah you just keep plummeting so i i got some points

when you're dead on not smiling not eating or drinking you actually look okay so who's a handsome comedian to you oh

my god davidson no no okay i like john melanie she likes john malay well taken by

another asian no he's divorced no he's with olivia munn it's all over the news he came out he's dating olivia munn this is like he

left his wife and i'm not now i'm not i'm not up to date yeah well you know wait a minute this just happened didn't

he just go to rehab and get a divorce and now he's with olivia it's kind of

like it was like it was one of those things i was sitting with with jasmine my girlfriend

was like eight months pregnant and she said the same thing she was like i wasn't john mulaney she's like i thought that he was in rehab and like

she he always talks about his wife and i was like yeah but you know that you know because she saw on the new york post and she was like and now he's

she was like and now he's out with olivia munn and i was like yeah she goes oh hell no she like said that no she said that for like she

was like if i was john mulaney she was like i would be in his face like

you ain't walking around with this half asian [ __ ] in front of me you know like i mean but i mean let's

just be let let me just be honest on the record i don't care what it says i mean olivia munn

she is i mean vixen beautiful she is going to ruin his life yeah and he's got the drug

[Laughter] what i mean sign me up i mean i'd love

to ruin my life with actually olivia munn or john mullaney he's a hottie i agree with rudy i'm going to go with malaney on this one over olivia munn

i'd take him hold him down and break him well because you could control him yeah i'd like to go he's definitely not a type a yeah like if he starts you know

coming around yeah slap him around say johnny well why do you get you you wanna hang out and have something i

grab him by the throat and i say john you shut up and you kiss me softly on the lips right now [ __ ] do it

[ __ ] do it like well i guess i will you like that go ahead put on my

underwear upstart baby you carrying your credit card balance ever month after month

you're not the only one uh bob and i've talked about this we both had a lot of credit card debt when we first started comedy and we were both broke broke i

don't know about you andrew but i dread looking at my credit card statement every month and i don't blame myself upstart can

lift that weight off of my shoulders so that you can finally feel the relief of being free of credit card

debt it's a fast and easy way to pay off your credit card debt with a personal loan all done online if you're paying it off you're consolidating high interest or funding

personal expenses over half a million people have used upstart to get a simple fixed one monthly payment and unlike

other lenders guys upstart looks at more than just your credit score i mean come on let's there's more to it all right like your income and employment history

this means they can offer smarter rates with trusted partners it's a five minute online check you can see your rate up

front for loans between one thousand and fifty thousand dollars that's a lot you can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan

find out how upstart can lower your monthly payment today when you go to upstart.com bad friends that's upstart.com bad

friends don't forget to use our url to let them know we sent you loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided

by your loan application go to upstart.com bad friends this episode is sponsored by

bluetooth guys it's been a hell of a year personally i feel like i've aged 12 years over the past 12 months and if

you're like me you're feeling like your age more than you used to especially in the bedroom is a unique

online service that delivers the same active ingredients as viagra and cialis

but in chewable form and it's a fraction of the cost bluetooth tablets help men achieve harder stronger erections to combat

all the forms of ed look a lot of guys have ed erectile dysfunction you shouldn't be embarrassed about it

some people struggle it's not that big of a deal millions of people suffer from this who cares

chew something and get all the blood flow down in the basement to get that thing a zoom zooming all

right you don't like swallowing pills no problems you can chew it and the process to get these things is very simple uh bluetooth tablets are made in the usa

which bob loves and they ship directly i love america red white and red red right and blue baby it's cheaper than a pharmacy uh all you got to do is

uh try blue chew for free when you use our promo code bad friends at checkout just pay five dollars for shipping it's nothing

so go to bluetooth.com promo code bad friends to receive your first month for free and we thank bluechu for sponsoring the

podcast i like john melanie i think he's a i think he's a very funny dude i i had no i the one thing i found very strange

was he did like all these that that netflix thing he did with all the kids yes

i was like what is who is this for yeah it's weird it's just here's what i don't i like him i think he's very funny dude he's an undeniably

talented guy yeah but but also it's weird when you do a kids show when you don't have kids

i'm always if you're a guy if you're a girl like tiffany haddish talking to dumb young kids

funny funny yeah john melanie doing a pla kind of like a theater play with kids

right who doesn't physically have kids i'm always like hmm right i don't i don't think it's one of

those things where i don't think that it's anything necessarily inappropriate like no i didn't think inappropriate i think

it's but i think that's what i was going to get to i think it's just like there's a part of his brain that's a little like

weird because if you have kids and you do a kids show it's totally it's like oh he's it's why like uh what it sandler

was like yeah yeah people talk [ __ ] i started making kids movies because i have kids now well that's why i made movies for my kids well that's that's the thing is if

i was in the adam sandler's position or even a john mullaney's position i had the ability i would probably make a kid show only because

the entertainment i'm watching ninety percent of my day is children stuff with my kids so it's like in my it's not even for

them it's just that's where my my mind is in that zone so i'm thinking about okay children's books children's

stuff right animation because that's all i want so maybe he was watching a lot of kid stuff maybe he was down time he just loved kid stuff well he's

because a lot of white guys who like are into anime and all that stuff they also have an asian fetish here we go yeah olivia munn yeah that's

why is that a thing yeah it's like uh white guys really nerdy white guys love

uh asian stuff and and really nerdy black guys nerdy black guys ron funch has had a great joke like he

said every young nerdy black kid wants to be japanese right and i think what's the reason for that you think yeah i don't know

why do young black kids want to be japanese yeah maybe that's the name of the episode ron said young black nerdy kids i'm gonna go i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm

gonna make a statement and say all young black men want to be japanese i feel it i mean the wu-tang clan what was that about what

was that about tiger woods what was that about what was that though

so if olivium breaks up with mullany you would you you'd think you'd be interested in him

and you know he's also old compared to what you're he's older than me he's older than us he has a lot more money than us what is he 40 no he's like

30 he's our age he's 36 37. oh wow he started stand up when he was 15 16 years old he's [ __ ] killing it killing me insane good for

him good for him i'm driving a nissan armada it's a nissan marauder isn't it i

thought it was a nissan your mama your mama 38 years old uh oh what's his birthday

august 26th yeah guess who else's birthday's august 26 christopher paul anthony de stefano

that's right mwah you share a birthday he's exactly two years older than me and exactly a

hundred million dollars ahead of me at least yeah he's a whole f1 sports team ahead of me who else uh who else is

type in famous people's birthday i know what october uh august 26th macaulay culkin really callie conkin august 26th let's

see if famous august 26th birthdays if mine even pop i don't even think i'm on the i may i'm not even on the you'll never make notable alumni from my high

school no the or you're not i'm not okay look at this oh wait do you know some of these people

rudy um a little little techa you know little tekka up top no who's little teca you don't know little

teca who's little taco he does that song which one it's me little tucker i'm just

hanging out you don't know that song oh yeah it's me little tucker i'm just hanging out

it's me little taco i'm just hanging out yes and his friends our background are just like we with little taka and we just hanging

out you don't know that song yes i have heard that song it was in melanie's kids show oh okay um james harden also same birthday

that's dope wow that's good all the beard feels pine chris pine handsome it's mother teresa

whoa mother teresa that's a big one king sid who didn't

learn how to smile at a young age and just kept that yes melissa mccarthy she's dope wow

look at all the august 26ers i cannot believe you didn't make it i didn't yeah i didn't keep going down let's see how many other

people oh wow and these are okay this is just nobody at some point look at that yeah look at collin tv

zoom in on colin tv you got beat no no bottom left you got beat up by colin tv

his name's colin tv that's his full name that's his full name yeah yeah and i lost colin tv this guy's more fun let's check

your birthday let's see if you made the list all right famous famous people on october 26th exact way you put it in

just type it into that very site pete yeah that's what that side yeah pull up more kites pull up more guns that's what pizza's

gonna october 16th let's see who the fam and then we have to do rudy rude yeah uh i actually know somebody because

john mayer and i have texted bryce harper yes you made it no i didn't make it

i just like bryce okay wait wait a minute wait a minute okay like zoom into j fred

that guy is more famous than me jay fred he might have a bunch of youtube files is that our business manager

yes yes that guy looks like a guy that works for me yeah jay fred all right zoom out let's see

who else i know john mayer because we've uh we've talked about it uh who else

i mean this is and he is not 25 that's a lot he's a 38 year old man this guy's in his

mid 60s right but when you're rushing you can do whatever you want yeah look at the girl that's dead is more famous than me

she died young so she started last year rest in peace ashley ross i didn't know anything about here i'm sorry about that

look here's terry tv terry tv right you had colin tv yeah you got terry tv yeah i'm the new

bowl wait for the balls zoom out but you got beat by my new ball look but i love minute and

flea by the way fleece is pretty cool flea's cool whoa no balls dead too oh my god he died in

2010 jesus for being two he didn't make it you and i didn't make it what's your

birthday rudy let's see if you made it let's see god if you're on this i'm going to be [ __ ] i'm walking out of this studio she

does dude you know every time i ask you what's your birthday rudy so he can search november 9th november 9. so every time i'm doing

shows afterwards i'm you know like if i'm toying around with the crowd when i check drop and i'm asking questions i'm like let's you know let's

have a chat because the you can't sometimes you just can't do meet and greets i get it and every time the question is about her

is rudy gonna stay on the show yeah we love rudy so much dude she has 70 000 instagram followers

that's more than most people in comedy yes you know yeah more people would kill to everyone i know when i wear the sweatshirt people

come up to me like oh rudy do you know rudy because it says rudy's knives on the back since so annoying i said yes she's she doesn't want to be with anyone

and she wants no children she wants no children she hates people yeah she's going to pepperdine uh oh french montana is on your birthday

huh that's what he says and jerry purp drank ooh jerry perptrank i like that he has a

really white guy nerd name and perp drank as his last name look at this cringe carter

that's what his frat called him oh god he looks like a dick he's like hey what's up somebody [ __ ] french carter dude [ __ ] saa for live dougie

scroll down who else is on there christian ooh nick lachey has the same birthday as you you don't even know who that is you

don't know who that is you've never heard of 98 degrees she's 19 dude that was like that was when we were

[ __ ] 19. what about the backstreet boys are in sync i've heard of those two but you don't

like care but crazy like who was oh you know how about this how about this me and andrew did podcast with

somebody from fifth harmony does that excite you oh yeah no she says even now

that's too old oh my god third one in on the first row cisco baby make your booty go

oh do you know what the thong song is oh yeah all right

that's great go down oh hedy lamarr oh my god do you know anything about how did he lamarche yeah that's nowhere she's a genius

yeah so hedy lamarr created she was a very famous actress um but at the same time was the one that

created um a frequency hopping yes literally creating frequency having that

our [ __ ] military ended up using and she didn't get credit for it for years yes this is very doesn't mean anything

to anybody but she really she was really smart and she was a cool actress but she was like i'm not just pretty i'm smart she created this

this frequency hopping where yes radios could communicate with each other on different channels yes and she was [ __ ] [ __ ] and she was

the face she was the original inspiration for snow white that's right that's her eddie lamar she was a big actress

snow white white snow is what snow white

go down scroll down sleek white hail white we got it all we got all the precipitation fancy are you circumcised

is that a thing in spain absolutely and you guys love calamari out there right isn't calamari like a

calamari sandwich like a main dish yes yes calamari is huge in spain i just watched my octopus teacher man i'm

pissed off about it and i told you about that i thought he was being sexually aggressive with that occupation what did you think it made me get

emotional it also creeped me out a little bit did you guys see that i didn't like it what did you think did we talk about this already

we did i did it was it made me emotional i didn't i know i just watched it again i just was made me like

on the plane i shouldn't have watched it on the plane you know what i don't like watching on uh stuff on the plane because you can feel

people looking at your screen yes i don't like that i don't like that either ipad needs to come out with

like a thing that just attaches to my eyes so i can just stare at it no one can one time on a flight this was like 2019

i was on a flight i was reading a book and the name of the book is the nazi symbiosis and it has a big swastika

okay on the side and i was reading it and it's about it's about how the whole time you're just going

dying no no no it's i think i've told this story once on did i i probably told

this story once on another podcast but it just what you're saying this is a real thing i was sitting next to a

woman i didn't realize you know i was always in the aisle seat so she was she could see the cover because i was like that and there was a part in this

book the nazi symbiosis which is really about it's kind of like about nazi and like the eugenics and like

how like the mind how their minds turned into doing what they did it's like a it's like follows that

so one part but they would talk about like the the horrors of the holocaust and there's a part

in the holocaust where they it's not funny well you're laughing already no no no no

no no they wanted to like hitler and and and goebbels himmler and well gerbils the propaganda

minister himmler was like really like right they were the ones that like doing like the experiments and they had one

experiment where they wanted to they were going to try to like invent something where like nazis could fly

like some type of like flying power so they would they would take members like jewish members you know

people in the holocaust and in like this big slingshot shut up i swear to god like throw them up into the air with like

this potion and they would all just like what to see if they could fly with this thing because they would do

all these experiments and they would fall what like i'm talking about like a hundred yards in the air and then they'd

fall and obviously died and when i was reading it like it was so shocking to me that i was like

like almost like repulsed by and like laughing and this woman at the end of the flight was like you

know i just thought it was a little inappropriate that you were giggling in that book and i want to know what that was about and i

just explained i've told the story before and i explained to her that hey like the nazis were putting injecting members

of the holocaust like this magic potion and putting them in a slingshot and throwing them up into the air and yeah they were falling on the floor so

it's horrible but i thought it was funny and she was like you know someone in my family kill was killed in the holocaust and i don't think

anything about that book was funny and i was like nothing about the holocaust is funny like zero about the holocaust it's funny i was

like but that you know like that's why i was laughing at that shotting people they were slingshotting people into the air and then just

standing there and like this one didn't work that was so insane you know and so well

try it again yes get it out of honey reload like think about the mindset of these

[ __ ] pieces of [ __ ] it is crazy that it's so interesting to want to learn about that stuff in history

but the more you read it the more you're like i can't believe this is what people actually thought well it's one of those things too where i you know i love history and i'm

fascinated with with reading books or watching documentaries about the enemies of the united states because

when you read about the united states it's like it's always like you know way we're winners or we're going to put it to our citizens in a certain way

when you read about other countries you're like oh it's all it's all the same everywhere

you go it's all the same it's just the people group gets power and they treat the other group like dogs

[ __ ] that's just what happens anywhere from any country you go to yeah but it's interesting but it's an interesting thing well i mean those

books it is it like that but that's why i'm so afraid i don't want to i don't want to like look at stuff on a

plane that i'm like there's stuff that i want to read or watch but you just can't the guy on the way on the way in was

watching game of thrones he was a really cool dude we started chatting he was a baseball scout for the cincinnati reds

oh sweet yeah and he gave me can you be on the team because you have right here he said yes wow he said yes i asked he said yes i said my buddy

chris is going to want to know when i get back to you if i could be on the team and he said you got it kiddo gave me a card so i think i'm pitching next week

great i gotta go to nettie i wanna come he said he's uh he's he was watching game of thrones and he had and he had it tilted a little bit

mm-hmm and uh he was talking about the f1 show and he was like that's great he's like i'm watching game of thrones but i gotta be careful on a plane because you know

a lot of nudity on the on the show and i'm like well you're you know you're good you're good for me and he was like yeah but you know

i've had it where like a kid is looking through the crack you know behind like just a little like

a little perfect kid and he goes i had to like put my elbow up through to block the seat

otherwise you have to turn to the dad and be like hey dude he's getting some titty education right now yeah yeah but that show i you do realize that when i when i

watch stuff and i'm like i can't right i don't want because even though even though it's like it's not like a

porn it's just like a rated r show or movie yeah but then you see someone you're conscious of it like a

whenever a sex scene i'm always like okay but you know what though my feeling though like if my kid you

know i've been on flights with my kids i kind of like once we walk i tell them all the time like once we walk

out like there are rules in the house like you know no cursing obviously there'll be no nudity but once you walk out into the real

world you're going to see stuff i don't want to shield them from that because then they grow up yeah and they act like idiots so i would

just you know if they turned around i was like what's going on i'd be like well you know cersei's getting she's getting [ __ ]

pounded well i guess you know i guess the nudity and sexuality of the united states is so different like

is nudity common in the philippines it's not a big deal huh yeah my siblings my my brothers watch

like anything like that and my mom doesn't care right nobody says anything but rudy even

on like the equivalent of like the cbs like the local you know like the mainstream shows they

don't even block it out right the filipino like the united states we block all that stuff out or we say oh you know

you you can't say [ __ ] you have to say poo poo but then you know they'll show rambo with like ak-47s and grenades

and you're like yeah well obviously you know we're okay with guns and deaths because we're a militarized country we

love the id like we got that's defense dude defense but sex is naughty no the sex is wrong

did you see today jeremy corbell came out uh there's more ufo stuff where they're saying like now there's more

sightings and and now the navy is starting to say spokespeop spokes uh people from the active navy

not like retired like active navy today are saying uh we believe they're a threat as well so now it's like

it's going to happen before the end before i i've been saying this in almost every podcast i go on before the end of this year is over i

guarantee you they say the aliens are real and i guarantee you they will say they're a threat and here's the thing baby

they are not real that is other governments making aliens using their technology that they

found those aliens are not real do not believe it when you see it they are not real who's making them what

country we have reverse engineered technology from these alien civilizations that have landed

here crash-landed and we have take and they are all but peaceful with us they don't really care about us but in order for a threat i don't know

if it's the one percent right of course it always could be george soros i don't know but people now are going to because the

only way to unite us again is to have a war we've already fought each other there's only so many countries so now you have the israel-palestine

thing happening what's going on go on it's about jesus was it in that

book yes yeah so so so you have that that's happening and that's going to reach reach a precipice very soon and

then the aliens are coming right before uh the new year is up and we're going to be at war maybe not at

war with them but the the governments of the world are going to say we need to unite forget about racism and sexism and

transgender bathrooms we have a real threat now and it's aliens want to take us away every time there's been a pandemic every

time there's been a pandywandy alien sightings have increased tenfold the bubonic plague people started

talking about aliens 1918 people talking about aliens so a lot of people think now aliens may have been

the ones that dropped coven 19 not the people from wuhan it sounds alien-esque

yes but do not believe it when you see it folks yes so aliens did it coveted 19 was

aliens was aliens potentially and the aliens that we're going to fight before 2021 is over

are not real they are government psyops well what government our government chris is one world government oh it's

the illuminati yeah it's the illuminati bespoke post oh my you know what andrew

yes the one thing you can say about me is i love adventures and surprises you do you guys love to go to jail when i

get three yeah when i get a box of awesome from bespoke post they have so many cool things like

camping gear yeah flasks yeah cooking tools cool like knives yeah

that's where rudy got her knives yeah from bespoke boxes awesome no matter what you're into they've got you covered this is the best part about this

you just go on their website you fill out this little tiny survey uh and they basically match you with

some of the cool stuff that they've got inventory wise and it changes all the time yeah which is really cool i got bob

outdoor gear bags for when they went to joshua tree that he thanked me for graciously yeah the bar ware which i got because

you know i'm a booze bag so i wanted new rock glasses and a decanter and you know how you get started

you gotta take this quiz at box of awesome.com and your answers answers will help them pick the right

box of awesome for you that's cool they release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories it's free to sign up you can skip or

cancel each box costs how much bob oh my god 45 bucks

but has over 70 dollars worth of gear inside get 20 off your first monthly box when you sign up at box of awesome.com and enter the

code check out that's awesome.com code bad friends that's box of awesome dot com code bad

friends for 20 off your first box better help hey yeah hey yeah we both use therapy we're

both not only do i use therapy i use this yeah no i that's what i'm saying i've used traditional therapy in the past and

i got to tell you better help can help you start communicating in under 48 hours it's the best it's like it's so easy yeah under 40 and

it's not a crisis line it's not self-help you guys listening right now it's professional counseling done securely

online it's so easy guys the best part is look they match you with a counselor and if you don't like

it for some reason you can switch and change who you're working with no matter where you are in the world and yeah you can do it mobily anywhere in the world it's and

it's more affordable than traditional offline counseling a lot of people are afraid to do counseling because it's expensive to go

get any kind of therapy and i got to tell you this is extremely wealthy you'll feel much better you'll be much happier if

you use this service guys visit their website and read their testimonials that are posted daily okay

now yeah you can go to betterhelp.com bad friends that's a help better help help and join

the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional this is this is the real

deal in fact you know andrew so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional

counselors in all 50 states if your accounts are looking for a job go to betterhelp.com bad friends get started this podcast is

sponsored by better help and bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com badfriends that's

betterhelphelp.com bad friends rudy can we interest you enjoying q and q and on oh you're cute and now we're in cute and

now you're in a new group can we interest you in that and q anon do you know what q9 is no maybe you should go i would that's something i

think to write a nice college essay on on cue pro queueing on your pro your pro your pro-q okay what is that

just just be pro-q and write about it just say i'm pro-q you believe in aliens yeah yeah kind of yeah that's part of it

okay that's just a uf ufo sighting spider-man that was just somebody from the coronavirus why is that well because

and it go i watched this saw this on ancient aliens where every time there's a there's a pandemic

you sound like my dad my father loves ancient aliens i mean ancient aliens that's all it is yeah

yeah he's like tucker carlson and the ufos yes it's funny that the same guys that

are just like uh hardcore republicans are also like pyramids were built by aliens dude

well because they say like the the the sightings there were no triangles nobody nobody did triangles before the

uh uh egyptians did them in the pyramids and they say that some of the alien ships that they're seeing now are perfect triangles but don't you think

that could have just been figured out by a guy at some point no you don't think so you don't think some guy was just like

okay and that shape made sense look at that yeah they are beautiful

structures there have you ever been there no i'm not going to [ __ ] egypt yeah yuck

i'm just kidding i'm joking no you know what's funny is they say like literally i do want to go back like half

a mile now from these pyramids is a pizza hut there's a pizza i think there's one inside the third pyramid

pizza hut the the pyramid oh look at that pizza you can see the pyramid by the way i like that get a cheesy stuff crust and

[ __ ] go ahead and see the pyramids why the hell not who's gonna say no to that dude that's a great idea yeah

that's like that reminds me of that that show uh an idiot abroad carl pink pilkington oh and gervais travis that

was my favorite bit that they did when they went to that old those old cities those ruins that were built into the wall built into the

mountainsides and the palace was on one side oh and um in i think it's like in iran right is it

it's it's yes it's in the middle it's in the middle east and he goes um and they take him to the palace and then

they take him to the slums and he was like well rather live in the slums where you wake up and look at the palace every morning

why would you want to wake up in a palace look at the slums every [ __ ] morning and i was like it actually makes me makes so much sense yeah it's like that

that is why like i i like not living fancy rich in the hollywood hills yeah cause i get to look up at the mountains yeah it's beautiful

i don't want to look down at scum like me ugh i don't want to live fancy and look down

by the way i did you know first class that i was flying in this morning only because i didn't pay for it uh it did that thing where you get on

the plane in the middle and then you split left and right oh you know that we're left this first class and right at them yeah and it was

kind of fun because uh there was a woman who was causing a real annoying fit at the front desk like complaining about like why she was

in whatever group she was in she older blonde lady big hair probably had two [ __ ] bottles of kim crawford

chardonnay before by 8 a.m and she was just like she was just being like annoying she was loud it's 8 30 in the

[ __ ] morning and she's like and the desk person is just like [ __ ] yeah what do you want me to do it's a computer you have one what do you want

i don't like it's over and she's wanting me to whatever whatever anyway i get on the plane and then i see

her get on and she's kind of looking fancy like she has rich stuff on you know when somebody looks like they have rich stuff i don't

even know but it looks like eats like pete's uh like fancy's pants exactly he looks like he has rich stuff

yeah it turns out his tommy hill finger right and i'm on the plane and i get up to grab my charger i've already been on

the plane i get up to get my charge out of my bag and i look and this old annoying cow doesn't make a left with us she goes down to the back

of the plane i liked it that's what she gets yes for complaining and thinking that she's important people think they're important

all the time no [ __ ] special and then and then you're going to hawaii i'm going to hawaii come on i'm going to

lay it man i can't wait i'm going to the big island i've never been to the big island before i've never been hawaii period have you been a wife here no yes it's incredible yeah is it great

i've been a few times how have you never been well because because i think people who live in california like go there but you gotta

for us it's like a 12-hour thing right it's only five for us yeah so you could you could i'm sure

there's people in la who go to hawaii for the weekend and come back i don't know about the weekend but people do oh yeah rich people i guess that yeah yeah we go

in new york we go to atlantic city oh you guys did you go with bobby yeah last time also we're going next

week oh you guys are going back well but bobby's not coming no he's not wait where are you guys going

kawaii yeah kawaii is great it's all it's like very vegetative i've been to maui kauai i've never been

to the big island though what's the big island hawaii is that like honolulu where honolulu is maui

so the big island's called the big island it's hawaii the big island oh so but wait so you're saying like

when you fly into a place you're sitting like somebody's address i live on 1713 pineapple street the big

island it's actually coconut road yeah see look that that's the one i'm going to the big one down in the back hawaii there you go

so kawaii how far of a flight is from hawaii to to the last one i think it's only an

hour but so do you when you get on a flight when you fly like when you were going from los angeles to hawaii to big island

you do you always have to land on the big island and then you take little planes from there you can go direct you can fly right into honolulu got it honolulu

honolulu sorry that's right and maui is waialea or whatever lanai is the one i

want to go to got it that's where they have all the pygmy wolves that you can cut you can run out and catch you can do

hunt and go seek but do you like when you go to hawaii could you have to just usually pick one island or can you go in one trip go to a lot of people will fly

into the big island and you can you i think you can take boats and cruises and trips to round there's cruises that go to all of them you know

but which one is looks more like is in honolulu looks like just a city right like you're not really in hawaii when you go to

honolulu kind of feels like shitty beverly hills got it it's kind of has like a lot of fighters like tommy hill finger stores

and right kate spade it has a lot of like typical commercial [ __ ] um uh uh uh

maui does too i mean i think i think kawaii has the least amount of the [ __ ] right and the

big island is is the most populous so it has everything you've ever needed have you ever done stand up there at that

blue pearl room or something like that no but you know that's literally why i'm going tomorrow to do stand up and no i know to do stand up but but not

at that place oh i've never performed in hawaii whether it's for a private event like i'm doing it or for public i do know people that do that

that have because it's just you tomorrow too just a one-man show it's a little awkward no but who cares you just go in there and you [ __ ]

there's gonna be it there's like 15 people there's gonna be at they hand me the mic and i'm gonna go yeah hey

hey hey hey hey hey hey and three guys are just gonna be like yeah yeah but we'll have fun

well fine and then you go and you'll hang out there for a few days you might have to do hey hey yeah i've been hanging out for a

few days and i'm gonna go uh i'm gonna go swim with sharks which i'm excited about and hopefully

uh get my wife out there and then the boat takes off great help and i'm like

where'd she go yeah dude you come back yeah then you

and i can do what we always wanted to do yes yes yes yeah no i think uh i know i think it's gonna be fun get back

jasmine would [ __ ] make it back i know she'd make it back even eight months she's gonna swim back she'd swim back on

the back of a shark she'd she'd come out of the water and i'll be like you [ __ ] she's yeah yeah

yeah [ __ ] i swam all the way back yeah shoot swim back to new york what should i do when i'm in hawaii rudy

this time tell me what i'm what you guys are going to do we're going to go hiking boo i do that

here diving oh i like diving and that's it and that's it and who's going

you and kalila and and her sister her sister yeah um that's so that's gonna be so

fun so fun and you guys get an airbnb stay in a hotel i think airbnb airbnb is the way to go

right are you training staying in a hotel smelly or an airbnb entertaining on a hotel nice one but i'm doing a nice one yeah

one of the nicest ones one of the ones where you know yeah one of the ones where you stayed

and you're like this is a very nice hotel yeah one of the ones where they're like whites only [Laughter]

yeah you walk in they go sir you are perfect because i am very very white no if you

got a little taniwhani they're like excuse me sir sorry and you turn you're like my name is bryce and they're like come on come

on you're fine we just didn't know yeah i'm staying at a fancy pants i was in a ritz carlton uh two years ago it must be 2019 it was

me jazz and the two kids and i walked to the ritz carlton i walked in a little bit um ahead and i was holding

the bags and the guy you know bell person came over and then jazz came and the little and then and

you know she was holding both the kids hands and some bags and the guy said to me is that your nanny no in front of her he goes

he goes he goes um he goes uh okay dad he goes dad kids you know like you know he's like you guys want a drink he goes

and mrs nanny what would you like and she was like excuse me and cause he

just genuinely thought yeah and he was like and then i would make the same mistake she was like mrs nanny she was like um i'm married to

him i was like that now you're getting crazy we're dating it's miss nanny to you to you [ __ ] i was like we're together

she kind of is the nanny she yeah i take that back i take it back jazz i take it back i take it back i don't know but there's [ __ ]

out of me no she i mean she is well no her transgender uncle tt jerry is

technically our nanny and our our cleaning lady is he a god mother or godmother to your kids he will be actually jazz and i discuss

that today because she's we're having a second baby do july 4th and she uh america and we talked about

tt jerry being the godmother and father but tt is is still a man he hasn't

transitioned he hasn't he has he has a he has a physique deal but he's on estrogen uh hormone therapy right so he's getting

he's getting boobies so he has boobies already and um and uh he said he never wants to cut it off because he likes

he likes you know having a penis he likes feeling the the ass of a man but wait a minute but at what point then when he's going

through the transition does he but does he go he just wants to become female he doesn't want to become fully he doesn't

he doesn't want to cut off his peeps but does he then he does he want to be called he or she he said whatever like for example when

he came and did my podcast christy chaos tuesdays at 11am street please listen to it it's incredible thank you

he um he and also hey babe thursday's 11 a.m eastern time and uh patreon.com that's christy comedy

we're gonna cut all this out go ahead thank you he uh magic spoon

he uh when he came in to do my podcast he was wearing um one of my sweatshirts

from the denver comedy works and then when he left he was wearing one of jasmine's uh

leather jackets so he he wears he in one day told us if he feels like a

man he comes and acts like a man if he feels like a woman he he comes out and acts like a woman if you go to his uh instagram at t.o jerry right

that's ttj are you doing comedy spots tonight or no [ __ ] no no i gotta get on a plane first thing in the morning rudy do you think i look

skinnier this time you look the same you do look the same but i you don't

think you lost weight did you think you lost weight from the last time i saw you how much you were in september

how much do you weigh right now maybe 225 but when i saw you was 240. no you weren't yes were you really so i

why doesn't anybody care well that sweater makes you look you're i know what about on my face

you're skinnier underneath your face looks the same i don't think his face did his face skin

would you say have a fatter face or a face it's so it doesn't look fat

in the middle in the middle you have a middle you have a middle face what about andrew's face finner yes

what about homeless face what about pimp's face in the middle in the middle okay who's how about how about fancy his

what about his face he's a little fat in the face yeah yeah a little fat in

the face okay i love leading what about bobby's face jesus christ excellent so he's fat so i don't have a fat face

but it's in between andrew's face is skinny well it's thinning out because i didn't eat lunch you know what

i've noticed about one thing i have noticed about since i've been getting a little older is literally my body i mean it feels like like pants

will fit friday and they won't fit sunday if i eat bad saturday like fact but when i was in my 20s like

it didn't matter it would take a month to get fat now it genuinely is in 24 hours yeah your whole life changes well dude

yesterday i ate the worst meals i could have eaten and then and then rogan wanted to go out after we did the show and so he got a tomahawk

steak at midnight oh my god and you had to eat that with him dude if it weren't for the hgh he'd be dead

dead how could you eat a tomahawk steak at midnight it's insane right he was like what are you having a salad i was like yeah yeah yeah

it's midnight it's midnight yeah these guys are eating 48 ounces of [ __ ] meat i was like how can you do that and

he just gets up and he's more ripped the next morning honestly yeah more jack and then there was a couple of ufc

fighters that were there too and those guys are just yeah they're so daunting dude this one dude talked about i'm not gonna mention

his name but he talked about like like after he got knocked out and he didn't do like like they tried to do

concussion protocol and they didn't really say like you know whether or not he had one they didn't know and then five days later

he just passes out geez and then just then just like walking around just passed down and he was joking about

it he was like yeah smack my head and everything and i was like yeah are you okay and he was like yeah it was okay yeah cuz i fell

face first on concrete yeah and he talked about it like it was like you and me saying like i stubbed my toe yeah yeah he doesn't get my toe on the

bench you know that i think i think i heard it maybe it was joe rogan or maybe matt sarah maybe dana white somebody

was like the the thing with ufc fighting it's it's obviously the you know the muscles and the fighting technique of course important but the number one

thing they need to have is fearlessness yeah they just have to be just to be raleigh just raw and yeah we that's what i did say about that

f1 thing the one thing about those youthful drivers those kids the kids are the best because they don't give a [ __ ] yeah

they just are like what i'm not gonna die no yeah i know if i do [ __ ] party dude i used to go on roller coasters all the time like it

didn't matter i'm on roller coasters and now when you know i you don't go to amusement parks for that long but now

the kids are old enough where they want to go and like yesterday we were down at the santa monica pier and um

my stepson was like come on let's go on the roller coaster because you know delilah's too small and jasmine's still pregnant yeah so

they can't go on so i and i was like i was like okay let's go like we'll go on like that'll be the last one and like but i was trying to buy time because i

was trying to like work myself up work myself up to do it and then i ate a um uh like a

funnel cake oh yes i ate a funnel cake and i blamed the funnel cake i said oh man my stomach's killing me like we got

to make an emergency but it was all i was fine i felt great it was because i didn't want to go on the roller coaster because i was scared

what if because i have a fat face thank you and a fat body what if when we're going on the roller coaster the contraption

you know goes up and i fall and that's how i die and i was so scared to do that where i never would have thought about that when i was 25 but now all these things

you think about like the roller coaster i was like they have it's you know covid protocols who knows if they i'm not worried about getting

the virus but what you know they're under man they're under staff what if this thing comes off the tracks they're probably not checking it they're

you know right people are just getting benefits from good old sleepy joe biden and not coming to work

so i was like you know all these things could happen and then i'm going to be the one that died so let me eat the funnel cake fake the diarrhea

and then we'll go back home you're a wuss your kid you should have helped your kid out you're right fat funnel cake loser i love you

[Laughter] sleepy joe sleepy joe is gonna yeah he did he's probably in charge of all that

stuff yeah well you know kamala has to change his colostomy bag every day every day

takes out of the poop bag and throws it out yes and then she's got to change his colostomy bag every single day crazy yeah god bless

god bless joe biden let's see tt jerry's uh instagram profile now we can show up so

look at tt look at that hot and by the way are we still doing a donation for tt's um transition yes if you want to go to uh

christy comedy.com we got merch up there now we're getting new merch from the boys at killer merch nice boys the killer merch are going to design a

new tt jerry shirt which will also proceeds are going to continue tt jerry on her estrogen replacement

therapy which was stopped since she got uh out of prison the government no longer will pay for your tits if you are not in prison

uh i think that's insane they'll only give you tits if you're in jail so she literally is contemplating she said go

back she was like well i feel like i should [ __ ] be out here smoking crack again so i could go back and get my tits just let her rob you guys

well she probably is yeah she's been cleaning the house without us there and i'm like jazz that's a ridiculous thing to do i mean she did 25 years in

prison for grant larson she's like are you going to disrespect my family i'm like she's stealing all your [ __ ] yeah but fine [ __ ] yeah

so so there's tt and by the way please go please go to christycomedy.com buy some merch so we can get tt's full transition because

i think that's important and look at that rumpus shot right there no she's got a nice fat ass oh yeah nice too she doesn't let

me look at this one in the shorts over there yeah looking good looking good she looks she looks exactly like my

girlfriend it's it's a coin flip and it's jazz uh jazz's uncle that's jazz's uncle by birth yeah by birth yeah

dad's brother uh mom's brother mom's brother mom's brother um so she said that's my favorite by the way love

you guys love you guys she wants to remind you guys that she loves you and most of these photos taken by the the homeless pimp especially the ones in

the bikini pimp great stuff yes i see how some she wants to look like a guy she's got the mask on

right so that's what i'm confused i'm not even making a joke the pronoun thing is kind of wild because then you just don't know what pronoun

she's going to prefer well she told us she told us on the podcast when she came on it was actually really a fascinating

episode because she said it was good she was like she was like you know you know being in jail she was like i've

been transgender my whole life she's like this isn't like a movement for me she's like i always you know she's like i feel like a lot of

the people now the younger kids she's like i think they're a little confused on you know this is her saying that she's like i just don't think they

all really know what this life is about she was like in the pronoun stuff she's like when i walk past you

she's like when i walk when i'm walking past you it doesn't matter what i'm thinking in my head she's like when i'm walking past you if you say excuse me

sir i'm turning around she's like so i'm a man she's like even though i want to be a woman i want to be looked at as a woman she still says

she's like that pronoun [ __ ] she was like that [ __ ] is embroidered in my brain chemistry that's what she said embreded yeah

embreaded embretted deeply fried and breaded yeah look as far as i'm concerned i don't give a [ __ ] about whatever people

want to be called i just do think it is kind of hard sometimes you're like well you'd have to know the person know what they prefer yeah it's not like you can

check out somebody's twitter bio as soon as you come up to them be like what are you by the way instagram just added that did you see that no literally this week instagram added

pronouns on the profile because i went to go like put up a post or something uh or like or edit edit the link on my post

for youtube right and uh here look at this when you go to edit profile on instagram pronouns whoa what are you gonna put in

put in i don't know loser yeah uh loser [ __ ] yeah redcock redcock uh fire crotch i

know what i'm gonna put in fat face fat face fat face five you said he's a five right fat face five oh my god will

you change it to fat face five five fat face [ __ ] your next album fat face fat face five presents christus stefano yeah

you who if you are you gonna do a special by the way i well we you know we've we've talked about it because you know

we have the same agent we've we've spoken about it but i don't know that anybody's gonna take a chance on uh all

chrissy nut bags so me take a chance on me someone's gonna

take a chance on you so daddy's got shows coming up um uh we got a bunch of shows christy comedy.com hello we got uh all we start

in providence we got uh we just put a second show at the fox theater yeah yeah in connecticut on on sale um so

and uh so get the tickets thank you but we may just take one of those shows because pim films everything we may just

mic the audience and do one of those and just put that special on youtube like our good friends mark norman did and and and

you know andrew schultz all these people i may just do that but what about you i don't really know man i don't

really know what i want to do i haven't decided i i can't really make up my mind for now i just want to do a bunch of live shows

you know i just by the way the live show that i am the the show i'm doing in hawaii for the private event is for prince harry

amazing yep he wanted a little competition he said come on see if you can get my wife from me

yes i said i will not you now another part of the royal family i'm gonna get out of here i'm gonna get her well i just saw it i'm gonna get that briefcase

girl i'm gonna get her from the prince henry prince henry prince henry's saying now that um

uh he was mad at joe rogan megan meghan markle is behind all the ufos from the royal family oh i thought

he just said he just there's a headline i just saw before i came in he said that uh meghan markle's behind it all

wait a minute yeah which one's the redheaded guy uh prince harry you're saying prince william you mean no no no no no he's calling out his own

wife for that's what he said hold on really yeah hold on hold on ooh albert poolhole signed with the dodgers

he's not dropped prince no what did we say we took your dad to the game we took chris's dad to the baseball game tampa

tony and tammy special ed uh he is so funny yeah he's got the one lazy bus yeah but tony was hunched over and he

just goes his dad doesn't say much but he's such a cool dude like such a sweet guy

yeah and his dad was hunched over and i go man pujols is kind of at the end of the run huh and your dad goes

they should have had it got rid of him a long time ago yeah that's what and then he just stared back at the field again yeah your dad is

almost like rain man and the idea that we started talking baseball and he would just throw out facts yeah yeah out of nowhere yeah we were

talking about our favorite um from our childhood baseball players that kids don't know any i mean some of them know but

you know we were saying like uh you brought up bobby bonilla and then i think i had mentioned uh um

jose ocendo one of the greatest uh uh uh why can't i think of the word what's

wrong with me position he can switch positions all the time utility players and your dad started rattling off

numbers like like in the casino i mean he started like bobbing autistically yeah it was like obp 492 two obp

obp i was like oh my god and his eye would get lazy and then he just had his pretzels he was dipping in the cheese sauce he was but

he was he would just put the cheese under his eyes and then he would eat the pretzel tampa tony was incredible

but yes so if you saw um um prince harry is saying that uh that yeah

well you had it and then you lost prince harry meghan markle opened my eyes to the unhappy oh right he's agreeing with what she

said oh he's agreeing oh yeah okay i'm sorry because you see how misleading the new york

freaking poster well and page six is also click look at the new york post look at the new york post article they say prince harry harry suggests meghan

markle is behind attacks on royal family that's so funny this is what is the law what does this say what does this prove

to us if anything that the media don't believe them the aliens are psyops aliens aren't real god i wish to this

day trump didn't say fake news because that people just hated him enough that they didn't take it serious and it became like a joke phrase

right if if if if anybody else had coined fake news it would have still had weight to it sure

because it's real it is off [ __ ] sure if that's proof that it's like one article thinks this way the other one says this

yeah and it's all [ __ ] i wanna yeah dude i i mean yeah what's your source of news rudy

do you read new do you ever indulge in anything newsworthy sometimes but see this generation doesn't give a

[ __ ] they don't care right you just whatever it's on tick tock kind of right i deleted tick tock you deleted tick

tock why it's annoying it is

how did it feel did it feel liberating when you it felt like nothing dude she's the mo she's the

mo she doesn't have any emotions yeah she's dead inside serial killer

okay watch watch this look look look look straight into the camera let's go through this ready okay put on a happy face

put on a sad face put on an angry face i don't know

it's all the same you see what i mean it's all the same yeah look up people that can't express emotions

yeah what is that is that asperger's yeah look at i bet you the first person that pops up is mike bundy ted bundy people that can't

express emotion yeah because rudy doesn't know emotions yeah i love the name rudy related health condition here let's go

related health conditions go over to the right let's see all right do you have alexa the mia it's

a personality trait that's characterized by the subclinical inability to identify and describe emotions based on experience by oneself so how would you

describe yourself rudy what how would you say you are what kind of personality do you have

boring i like to sleep i like dogs mm-hmm

this sounds like alex laughter yeah i was going to say you're connecting things that don't make sense it sounds like alex sexia with a bit of tourette's

okay let's go to the next one what does that say go to the next song hyper do you have attention deficit

disorder do you take adderall no so you don't have add you don't have add okay that's fine

well it could i think it's that one it's alexithmia you have alex alex how do we say that alexemia all about

alexithmia alexithmia and by the way we don't want to offend the alexithythmia community right now by the way

alexithmia isn't well understood there's a possibility it'll go up right oh link to autism got it

boom the possibility might be genetic the conditions from brain damage to the insulin have

you ever had brain damage ready you sure you've never had damage to the insulin i don't think so were you ever

punched as a kid or dead i got a knock on your head that's how that's how you know that

sounds like such a our generation damn thing yeah your head is fine let knock on the

head around a little bit back on the head you find out yeah that does say emotions and depression it's linked with depression do you have depression

you sleep all the time you're bored you're bored you're angry you're mad you're sad you love knives you've thought about

death a lot rudy i think you're now yeah i think you have alex cynthia

alex go up again alexa alexa i like alexa alexa what is it it's called it's called

uh alex sith yeah fancy say it i look sick from yeah

i like hate me sounds like that's faint it's so nice [Laughter] why do they look so much the air hello

well the spanish yeah what is that about why yeah i know that i'm sure people have beat this to death but i do want to

know fancy why do i do spanish people have that list what is it is it has it do we know why

like what is it fans we can distinguish in between letters

and and sounds so we have the s and the it's two different sounds he's being [ __ ] condescending

he's being a little condescending don't forget don't forget that this country has bailed you out of

everything since the beginning of anything yeah right origins of the lifts lisp of sp and you can now say lith

the little spain lift if you study spanish long enough sooner or later you'll want to kill yourself what is that why does it say that

sooner or later you'll hear a tale about spanish king ferdinand who supposedly spoke with a lisp causing

spaniards to imitate him pronouncing the z and sometimes the c to be pronounced with the s and the

so they copied the king thin that's how [ __ ] that's how that's how uh lack of any sort of like

yeah you know personal integrity the spanish have they just copied the king well everything all like even curse words all come from the

king like that's what [ __ ] means you know [ __ ] me i've heard this but this has also been debunked over the years no i've i've heard that it's real the fornication

under the consent of the king yes i've been this has been debunked many times because there's a there is a we're gonna go into a history dive you

and i yeah i always make it happen you can say do etymology of [ __ ] he won't know how to spell automatically no let's give a shot oh yes he did

wow yes he did so that that thing under the consent of the king i've heard but also there is a

um there is a uh there is a word that that is latin that they think it suggest

it might come from as well this article is definitely not well there you go attested from early as 16

coed second edition of the forms of phuket and the earliest attested appearance of current spelling

uh 1553 presumably it's more ancient words see it's a more ancient word but we don't know okay okay we don't really know we don't

really know oh look at that though buck cites proper name john liffe [ __ ] from 1278

dude john the f john john john [Laughter]

i would love to hang out with john the [ __ ] who is this guy let's look at john le [ __ ] look at john the [ __ ] no that's not there's gonna be no images

of him it was from the [ __ ] twelve hundreds go to all there he is there's john the [ __ ]

[ __ ] yeah he's living literally near my house this guy lives on the bridge go to all go back to all because i want

to do i want to read his wikipedia john the [ __ ] here we go right there click on that was an englishman zoom

in he was an englishman who what who appears in the administrative record of 1278 who

has attracted attention unusual surname ah his name has been proposed as incorporating the earliest recorded

instance of the english swear word [ __ ] but this interpretation has been challenged see nobody

i'm sorry moody [Laughter] i said i wouldn't but because you said i

had a fat face i just wanted to get you back one time i know i'm used to it okay so gross have you ever farted in

front of the team you farted in here once no yes i think we caught you once

yes rudy she yes we did remember fancy because she went like she was like

she she coughed you did fart in front of us one time no yes okay she's embarrassed now fine

no i'll stop no filipino they don't they don't fart very small butts

and very small buttholes

john the [ __ ] by the way is not real he's got to be real i mean it was a guy but you know it's just not he didn't do anything

he was an englishman oddly enough so it's not it was john the [ __ ] hey i'm john lafaka isn't that your

friend john the [ __ ] [ __ ] hello john the [ __ ] it is it's great hello hello hello

if your kid is born on the 4th of july are you going to name it america or stars and stripes or guns or donald donald donny

donny no if it's a girl melania if it's a guy donald no we're going to name her betsy ross

what do you do you have a name picked you can't say it on the air no no no why why couldn't we is that are you not allowed to say that i think women have a

thing with saying the name it's a little bit of a jinx oh okay so then i i guess i don't know if jazz might get mad it's

not you okay you'll go i won't all right yeah um no we were gonna name

you've never said it on the other pods no have i said it already on the other part oh you have uh idiot um did you tell jazz about that

yeah jazz knows oh jazz doesn't know okay so we won't say it though i won't say it yeah i'm gonna name her

rudy it is a very pretty name rudy and ruby ruby's a very pretty name but neither are her real name her real name

is juliana why so why do they call her rudy rudy giuliani julian is a beautiful name too

i like juliana juliana is a beautiful name but we can't name that because there's a

already a baby julie in my family so we can't do that but juliana did they call you julie when you

were a kid yeah same same same i guess same same that's like did they call you

mark it was like no they called me stephen you're like oh right yeah yes it says same thing yeah wait yen

yeah isn't that chinese money man the chinese are taking over everything everything no is it even a

filipinos names i think a dollar is a chinese yen yeah yeah yeah what is it what is yen what is yan i don't know my

aunt just said that and then it just started my nickname yeah but now do people in your family call

you rudy or only known as rudy on this podcast yeah only here only here do you like it

i'm getting used to it will you write a book one day because you feel have felt like you've been pressured into doing things

on the show no we've never we she is she has always opted out of anything she didn't

want to do on the show or be a part of she's always been the controller of her own universe isn't that right rude

isn't that right rudy yes yes see how that works just tell her what to do she has to do

it she's got to say what she has to say into the camera i want her to take more control let's let's let's close the show strong with

rudy no i don't want to go all right we'll stay i gotta go you do you got to go to dinski doodles i

got to go to dinski doodles we didn't get in any no no reservations well it's saturday i

know i always think i always i'm always at like six o'clock like hey you gotta party for nine at 6 45. yeah i feel like no

they're like yeah sure on the roof yeah you want to sit up by the air conditioning unit with a cook smoke yeah we're gonna go to uh malibu uh

first and take uh family portraits on um el matador beach today with homeless

pimpy today yeah because the sun set if it is you gotta get out of here no but sunset we want to do some sunset you got a couple

you got hours yeah and then we're gonna go uh we're gonna go to a restaurant do you know caitlyn jenner is running for uh mayor uh

know that i'm trying to move things around where i can get a legal governor governor give her a vote governor

republican government okay so here's what's crazy she's running as a republican she's always been a republican

she's against gay marriage [Laughter]

where do we live i love it she's a transgendered famous person who's against

a part of a community that she is a part of right lgbtqia

or what is it now it's lgbtqia whatever and i mean i'm not saying this in a disrespectful manner obviously i don't know all the acronyms now because

they've just added some new she's a part of this community and she's against it yeah that's the craziest craziest thing

i've ever heard in my [ __ ] i don't care that she's a republican i'm not saying that means as much i'm saying how can you be against gay

marriage i don't understand yeah by the way i don't understand that as someone who isn't trans i don't know i don't give a [ __ ] if gay

guys want to get gay women who i don't want to go to your wedding at all yeah i don't want to go to a

heterosexual wedding okay they're [ __ ] annoying annoying i'm going to another i gotta go to another one yeah i got to go to another

one and i'm dreading it yeah by the way you want to ban gay marriage ban straight marriage too yes ban all marriage i'm in fine yes yes

ban all marriage ban all marriage ban all marriage get rid of marriage it's

insane yeah you never want to get married right yeah she said that she's smart good i don't unders against

against other people doing stuff what kind of [ __ ] bananas nonsense is that that you're like i don't like that

those people want to do something no it's ridiculous mind your own business

you idiot anyway uh i'm still going to vote for her yeah of course i think no i do think

she'll probably win i genuinely mean that i think she will just because of popularity for me it's three r's

red right republican [Laughter] google caitlyn jenner uh i want to see

like her did she have a government website like i'm running for you know what i mean you know sometimes they do that

yeah like a campaign website yeah that's what it is let's see and by the way we're going to

get you out of here so it's okay i think caitlyn jenner is hot yeah i like her as a woman a lot yeah not as a man oh see look there it

is caitlyn for california caitlyn needs an honest leader with a clear california need sorry

california needs an honest leader with a clear vision our campaign will be powered by everyday californians who deserve leadership and accountable to them so

look at this the donate box 50 is jumping at you it's saying pick me pick me please yeah don't do five should we

donate 25 250. let's donate to her i'd give her give her look at that number look at how weird this number is

525 50 100 500 1 000 5000 10 000 and then 32 400.

you [ __ ] up on the website is that is that like a number she needs

left that's like that's all we need to pay off this gambling debt yeah yeah i can't believe baylor won

this doesn't make any [ __ ] sense should we give her should we give her 25. let's do make this a monthly recurring donation so

make it monthly and just do the 32 400. yeah let's do it

all right so we remember the planets now just for a re where's for a recap what were the planets go ahead remember

remember remember the acronym my very erotic my very erotic mother

[Music] [Laughter]

remember who no my my very erotic mother

something just suck nice suck nice and the last p for

[ __ ] yeah should we have him take us out no yeah let's have you because you're a

guest of the episode okay so then what's the uh what's the thing because you say one we always say thank you for being a bad

friend together okay but i want you to kind of look in your single and end it the way you want to end it and then you have to say at

the very end of whatever you're gonna say thank you for being a bad friend okay so thank you okay got it got it got

it um okay i appreciate andrew i appreciate uh you allowing me the chance to

fill in so i'm gonna fill you up uh right after this um rudy it was a pleasure to

be uh talked down to by you and also andres to be talked down to by you i will uh be

calling immigration and um i just and wait how do we end it

again thank you for being a bad boy okay and um of course as always i'd like to look right in the camera and tell you that q

anon is still accepting numbers cudinon is still accepting members and um

uh uh uh that's all i have to say and uh bobby bobby lee if you don't come back

i'm going to take your job yep um because your people have been taking mine so now we're taking yours

thank you for being a bad friend

[Music] i'm a guy right yeah and i work at like

a liquor store in new york correct okay in harlem so yeah i'm i'm logging out i'm

closing the store it's not a 24-hour place right right so i'm locking everything up right and it shows me like

just walking with my backpack to my little squaller house i have a really i live in the basement

somewhere in chinatown you live in chinatown uh why does it

okay anyway it just feels right i'm chinese for this movie you're chinese okay i'll be chinese i'll be black in

the middle we'll be right we'll ride it right right right there you live in the basement of a chinese chinese right so you know and then it just shows me like

a little montage of me like cooking some ramen right putting some ramen right rat runs by right rub runs

right right i'm buying a really rickety table yeah right sitting there i'm slurping on the ramen i'm watching

some something on tv the news or something right gravity or tv right there's a cut scene where i'm just kind of reading a book on

a mat that's where i sleep on the floor yeah i'm all set this guy is so so sad right and then um i plug in

my iphone whenever i have a phone right samsung samsung okay

you gotta be samsung all right samsung i plug in my samsung chinatown right right yeah um does it matter what

kind of tv i'm looking at or toshiba

toshiba yeah yeah um a tube tv no less like an old tube not a flashlight so i assume just by your thinking i'm

wearing a kimono what else would you be wearing at your house so just all right

all right kimono i have a sword a sword and your hair is in a bun must be

and what's in it what's wrong what's holding your hair up a chopstick chopsticks that's correct

oh you raised this [ __ ] all right come on come on let's get back to where we want to be all right so i'm so you're for some

reason this is not a reason for some reason i i'm wearing regular clothes you're wearing regular clothes

at the liquor store but when i get home there's got even more toasty where i put the cookies

i put the chopsticks in my hair people will love it people love it i have a samsung tooshima

tv tv right right oh [ __ ] right so you're slurping your dreams right when you lay on your mat i lay on my

bamboo bamboo man blue bat yeah right and then i wake up right on

an island you wake up you wake up crawling out of sand crawling out of sand yes naked butt naked butt naked yeah right

how about i still have the chopsticks in my hair

[Music]