Fat Rehab | Ep 73 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian

dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're

bad friends July weekend for you everyone

good so good I got to Bobby's house for the Fourth of July party yeah and he made an announcement he goes the whites

are here the whites are here no because I was telling everyone at the party I go I can't wait for the whites to get here it was so Brown because it was so Brown

and uncomfortable for me because I grew up I do I cuz I grew up I grew up in both worlds yeah in Asian and brown and white

you had Brown down you had Brown yeah it's like if I was let's say I was a Jedi right and half my time I I grew up

in Tatooine and half my time I grew up in Hoth do you do you split your time

yeah so what do you like more what do I like more so if I was in Hoth I'd be like um I can't wait for the sand people

to get here like if my 4th of July party was at in ho and the sand people would probably up in those woolly mammoths

yeah who would like to call the Eric Griffins and they would show up with the Eric Griffins M and they would get up

whatever they do with the sticks yeah yeah there they are there we are yeah the sand people that's me right yeah

that's you definitely closer to me than well that's how ethnic people and immigrants view white people white

people yeah with that that's kind of what we look we come with weapons and we look very scary very scary and all we

all we're really bringing is a tuna casserole but they're like these whites andd in The Mask you're mouthing the nword the whole time oh yeah the whole

time yeah yeah raal EP underne yeah yeah so just let that be known you guys are

sand people sure I'm a sand people so anyway Sunday we're I was like when are the sand people going to get here and then um and then all of a sudden you

know I hear you guys you heard us coming you know me and you guys came we came

and we had not only you yeah but you but you had so much Filipino food yeah which

I didn't touch you didn't have any of that I ate the Mexican food you ate the Mexican cuz there was a taco truck that

or I mean well there's two options you know like if it was just Filipino F I'd be like I guess this is

it do you like I have to survive and sustain myself yeah but I can't do two different ethnicities you can only you

can only pick one yeah yeah that's why I never go to Fusion restaurants yeah we do we've gone together yeah I hate them

though what what what Fusion Restaurant have we gone together Park's finest is Fusion not yeah no that's more Filipino

but it's also it's also Korean barbecue combined no it's not they do both that

wasn't Korean barbecue at Park that par there's two parks by the way there's one on Vermont I know we talked about this

right we already talked about that and the one that you went to was a Filipino restaurant that we know a guy that runs

it right but they also had aore Korean F there was a Korean guy there there was no I was me yeah I was there you were

there well you were cooking yeah but I'm not working there I figure if you're there you're working they got to put you to work so anyway you and I tried the

Filipino food did you like any of the stuff who made all that stuff it was catered yeah catered did what's the

stuff that you like the most Filipino food no what what dishes I like the

curry curry and the what's curry curry curry curry but they did do it with a little ACC it's not curry curry Cy C Cy

Cy yeah what is curry curry it's just Curry is it yellow or red no it's it's pork with like peanut butter um they

have their own version like peanut butter sa o curry curry Philippines phes so what was that there was Cur and then

there was crab legs sticking out of fried rice yeah I think that was also curry curry you guys don't need to leave

the legs in there you know that yeah it's yummy no but the but but it was like crawling out of yeah the shells

were like crawling out of the dish yeah are you that lazy take the meat out of the shell they crack it they crack the

crab crack it put it take it out they crack the crab's brain and the crab's like oh my God and they rip his body

apart and they stuff it into rice right I was like just take the meat out I why

were the legs sticking out of the remember in Beetlejuice when all the sculptures came alive that's what it

looked like in their on their in their dishes meanwhile the nice little Mexican guy outside making tacos yeah delicious

you saw you had some I so good yeah so good so good those guys are the best they bring the flat top by the way he

carried everything what the [ __ ] is this that's in Beetle Juice when everything comes out that's what the Filipino dishes look like yeah right there yeah

that's a Filipino dishy yeah Cy Cy that's it C Cy no that

Mexican guy carried up a grill up upstairs to your house by himself yeah I

understand that but can I just nobody helped him because we paid him I know but dude that was no 100b you don't

understand we pay him we P him he dripping in sweat you don't understand friend I literally go you need help and

he goes it's okay it's okay he was freaking out you know we go Pedro right

how much did you pay Pedro so we paid like 500 bucks or whatever for him from to come right to cook but I didn't know

that so I just kept throwing him like hundies what's that noise what's that noise I don't

know there's a song do you hear that where's that coming from what do

you have on your what was that it's just my music I don't know what it is but do you know

why so I have a playlist right but the whites love that this whole playlist is called

Fallout because in the game Fallout they had all 50s music oh so I just anyway is

that 50s I don't know what it is but let me ask you something so tonight so tonight guys tonight we're doing the

show we're doing the show at BR improv you're coming sold out sold out right and you guys are going to be in for a

treat because we have a brand new Talent going up on stage yeah you're saying it like they're going to listen to it now

this will come out way after the show already any it doesn't matter because what I want to do is uh I want to cuz

she couldn't sleep last night jwes why I was scared she's scared because she has

to do 30 seconds on stage you're having nightmares yeah yeah come on dude it's fine you're not going to do you don't

have to do actually but Kila fought me on it she said only one minute and I said you said three I said three minutes okay so he said three so you got to do

three we made a deal one minute okay raising your voice it doesn't it's rud

the answer and also it makes me it makes me angry you're going to piss off the papa so here I think that we should do

this is what I want mhm and let's write it down do you have a thing bring bring up the bring it up so we can write a

script we want to write a script I don't know why it's on this where's

Andreas your brother stole him speaking of which your brother and the other guy from J scissors they were at your house

they were too yeah you know what Jeremiah brought to your house cookies chips aoy chips aoy yeah and lay potato

chip I literally almost grabbed it and threw it into the street that's so rude lay potato chips and cookies we got it

Jeremiah we got it he went to the 99 cent store so um I don't know who she's bringing up but let's just suppose it's

um Elanor yeah Annie I think Annie Annie right so you're going to say Round of

Applause Round of Applause for Annie Letterman for Annie Letterman can I say

ate Ani sure yeah sure change the script God damn that's fine what are you Bruce

Willis Jesus Christ I want to say what I want to say fine fine Round of Applause

for back you got to put AE Annie doesn't know how to spell it and is nervous to do it wrong but let's see what he does

wrong auntie Annie that's fine that's fine round a Annie all right so then you're

gonna say uh you now I also want you to put the in in parenthesis right wait for Applause

because I don't want her to run the thing right so you got to wait so how many seconds you think is a is an

Applause 1,00 2 1,00 three four five 5

Seconds okay and but you have to wait the full five even if they've already stopped clapping just sit in it for a minute you

got to sit in it so I have to count yeah count into the mic no I'll tell you this if you go less than 5 seconds I'm going

to make you do it over again you got to start all over right so you just count not not out loud right sure out loud out

fine yeah one 1 1,00 2 1,00 3 1 4 1,000 5 1,000 yeah say it out loud but say it

in into the mic but say it into the mic and say it in your native tongue don't say it in English how do you say

000 s they don't have they don't count that high cuz nothing goes up that high no there is I just

forgot yeah do that do that SS yeah so One S two S three s all right many SS

all right and then you got to say because you have to say after that you have to say um are you guys having

having a good time yeah that's very important are you guys having a good time you guys having a good time to put that and then right this guy knows what

I'm talking about no to and you got to point you got to pick a guy point a guy in the a this guy knows what I'm talking

about this guy knows what I'm talking about point at a guy and then here's what you say you say

what do you do for a living so after you point to the guy you pick a guy and you say what do you do for a living so you

pick that guy and go this guy knows what I'm talking about what do you do for a living going to say something something

now it can be one out of it's not very it's very it's not hard it's one out of

a thousand things generally what if he doesn't talk he will he will wait then

that's what you say oh we got a mute in the audience oh we got a mute in the audience yeah we're loading you up with good St if he doesn't talk you go oh

what do you do for a living if he doesn't talk right and then say if he doesn't talk go oh we got a mute mute in

the audience and then you followed up with something like uh we used to call them well

what's a what's a male Helen Keller listen here Hank Keller you know yeah yeah yeah that's good wait for oh we got

a mute in the audience Wait For Laugh they won't they but just still still do the pause right and that's the gamble

that's the gamble yeah yes we got to mute in the audience I call it the uncomfortable Zone and then you can say you can say this now after he if let's

say he does say his job you know if he doesn't if he doesn't you say oh we got to mute if he does say his job and his

job is sales or yeah yeah I don't know what do people do how what are jobs

I don't know um insurance insurance yeah insurance he says his job and right away

you I'm an insurance salesman what do you say what do you say whatever you now this is great you don't even have to

read the script on this one you can just say whatever you want to say so if I say I'm an insurance what do you say nice

nice nice put that down nice and then wait for that's you for sure again no it's

me now you are doing the fulltime you're doing the full nice wait for laughter and then you say

um then you say then she's got to transition into something that's like no no I think we should go now to um oh see

you guys have a good time this guy knows what I'm talking about what do you do what do you do for a living oh we got a mute in the audience or if he says his job you just go nice anyway you guys

ready for more show are you guys ready for more show I can't hear

you you have to do that I can't hear you I can't hear you no matter what the response is doesn't matter if it's even

if they're all standing and crying I can't hear you in fact you know what

yeah why don't you guys stand up no no and make some

noise yeah or you know here's a good old school way let's do a wave let's do a

wave let's do a wave let's do a wave so what you do is and you go I'll start it

you go I start the and you just get on your KN and you go up like this right and in the front row they'll all do it

it'll go through the audience okay let's do a wave let do a wave okay

then you do a wave then you do a wave that takes about that'll take about a minute couple minute a minute or so minute to minute or so wait for audience

to do a wave and we're already hey look look I don't think they'll do a wave they will yeah they will they will if

you do it oh and when they do the wave do this like you're surfing yeah so you'll you'll start the wave right they

do the wave and you and just do a surfing oh you know what's better you know what's better you know what's better you divide the room you know what

then the you divide the room and you go this half I want you to say bad and that half you say friends so when I point you

go bad friends and you can control it you go bad friend you can go bad bad friends friends bad friends bad you can

do that you're going to feel like a wizard that could kill so much time you know Lord of the Ring soron that's what the kind of stuff he would do you're

going to be casting spells over these people casting spells you're going to be bibbity Bobby booping them with your hand going bad friends bad friends and

you can do it as much and you build it up and then when they get excited they go another wave

another wave another wave surf up right this is great I can't wait to see

this you do the [ __ ] thing right and and then you bring up the next comic that's us oh that it's bring up the next

comic so um and then this has got to be sincere yeah you got to be honest so um

it gives me the utmost mhm pleasure pleasure and to to bring up two

significant role models to I mean arguably the two most important people in life arguably yeah say arguably about

the two most most important people in my life mhm um look at her face don't SM

don't don't do that yeah don't do that you know gives me it give me it gives me the utmost pleasure pleasure arguably

the two most imagine being raised yeah imagine being raised by wolves by yeah

that's us no hyenas and wolves or something like two different a well I'm a hyena yeah imagine being raised by an

orangutang and a panda yes ladies and gentlemen the

two yeah most important people all right arguably the most important people in my

life imagine being raised by an orangutang and a panda and George are you coming tonight he can't he's got a

baby who's coming nobody Gilbert's coming so tell Gilbert to record her on stage so we want to see

if she does it right yeah that's true okay okay so she's got to be in the audience when she's on stage and he'll

be recording it and she's going to she's going to bring this piece of paper on then you say raised by nank tang and a panda comma my Tios my Tios Tito Bobby

and Tito Andrew yeah and that's that's it that's all you have to say that's all you have to say this is so simple so simple that's a lot all right so let's

oh you have to say it gives me the utmost pleasure to bring these next people to meet bring these next comic to the stage to bring these next Comics to

the stage yeah arguably the most they they are arguably the most the two most important people

in my life because it is an argument because Kila is much more important they're arguably the two most important people in my life imagine me being

raised by an orangutang and a panda my Tios Tito Bobby Tito perfect perfect so

let's do a rehearsal let's do a little baby rehearsal and we'll move forward that's all we want little baby one for

the Pod an he just got off she just killed it yeah people love it all right here

comes Rudy she's on stage now go Round of Applause for AE Annie One

Mississippi two Mississippi three Mississippi four Mississippi five

Mississippi are you guys having a good time yeah this guy knows what I'm talking

about yes girl I sure do yeah yeah what do you do for a living I'm in

Insurance nice great you guys ready for more show

yeah I can't hear you

yeah why don't you guys stand up and make some noise okay stand

up let's do a wave let's do a wave good call all right in their minds are like

we've never done a wave at a comedy show this is unbelievable yeah okay I'll start yeah this

is oh nice yeah surfwave surf W Surf

Wave yeah cool yeah okay I'll divide the room the right

says bad and the left says friend okay go no you just point just

point bad friends bad friends bad bad bad friends friends bad friends friends

B okay see you'll love that you'll love that right and then the fin and then when they do that you then you go Surfs

Up Surfs Up you have to yell Surfs Up it's California this is what they do this is so Southern California dude this

is soo Cal Surf so surf so now now now

now it's gonna be it's gonna be chaos nuts and and we need a shift in energy here from you so do I say quiet yes loud

as you can quiet quiet instead of surf up instead of Surfs Up Get rid of that get get surf up quiet

quiet as loud as you can and wa Cross Your Arms quiet yeah quiet right so say

that scream it scream it okay quiet

nice okay give it to me now end it strong it gives me the utmost pleasure

to bring these next Comics to the stage Yep they're arguably the most important

people in my life mhm imagine being raised by an orangutan and a

panda my Tios Tito Bobby and Tito

Andrew dude that right I can't wait to see that you know I'm scared because she

might Crush way harder yeah it's going to be tough to follow it's going to be tough to follow oh my we have to follow

that but but let me tell you something she'll set us up to win maybe so um and

also you could just bring the piece of paper on Ste yeah I want to bring it you can you can bring it down stage we print

that out George by the way and also what you know what I watched last night you loved it brought me to my knees what is

it sweet tooth it's so good it's so good are you being a

sarcastic I being dead serious okay I love sweet tooth do you like seet weed

oh what you like sweet do I like seaweed you like see I love sweet tooth you like

it though did you watch Sweet Tooth yeah yeah what what did you like about it it just mov you saw all of it yeah yeah

it moved me I don't want to give any stories away if you haven't seen this people at home watch Sweet Tooth it's so

so good it's well shot it's beautiful it's stunning the colors in it's beautiful stunning yeah but dude the the

doctor I don't want to get into the story great actor God him and the his wife amazing acting God even look at

I'll show this to you the audience can't see it look at my look at yeah yeah yeah knows yeah yeah we know what that is

it's it dude one of the best shows I've seen you doing that I know that you saw it I know that's because that's very a

subtle thing yeah people are going to see that at home on on the YouTube I'm telling you though it was it was so good I I don't even know

how to explain like Will Forte in it so good I really liked him in it I love him dude man on Earth was great he he makes

a lot of great [ __ ] he does he always makes the right choices I know yeah why can't we do that we will we'll start

yeah we'll start we just need to go be on SNL and then get off and do again Babble this summer get the most

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hello tush so at my 4th of July party yeah um I blew your toilet up I know you

did but Andrew not Andrew um Annie Letterman's boyfriend M Todd yeah went

to the bathroom and he goes he walked up with a smile on his face and he I go what's the matter he goes my butthole

Feels So Clean right now tushy baby dude the tush hello tush it's so funny when people never use it and they come over

to the house and they're like dude I've I've never done one of those and you're like Welcome to the Real World keep your

sweaty crack clean man this summer with the brand new hello tushi 3.0 modern bedet attachment it's an attachment you

don't got to do anything you got to buy an expensive toilet it just hooks on to the one you got hello tushy 3.0 cleans

his soggy butts like a champ it does but it doesn't stop there it cleans itself with the smart spray automatic

selfcleaning nozzle come on man it's going to get hotter it's going to get stickier it's going to get grosser and

the hello tushi bedet attaches to your existing toilet no electricity no extra Plumbing needed it's so simple we both

have them at the house we have them here at the studio uh which I love using sometimes before Bob comes you already got a hello tushi on the pot treat your

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hello ti.com badri for 10% off somebody sent me after we did the app two weeks

ago about what's her name using Korean baby forkin oh yeah yeah okay look this

up this is insane this is a real website someone sent to me it's called bloodstained men.com do you know what

this is there is a movement bloodstain men.com to warn the American people that

circumcision is cruel worthless and destructive so these guys go around with blood stains over their wieners and they're

fighting against circumcision they go protest circumcision all over the world

so that these are the guys with the with the top still on these gu These Guys these guys have the sleeve they have the

top still they hat they have the Hat they have the sleeve they have the Hat yeah yeah yeah yeah they have a hat and you you your hatless I have a helmet

yeah mine's a helmet I have a helmet I just the head right they have they have the skin over the head they have a turtleneck I don't like it they turene

just based on looks alone I don't like it it looks strange Gilbert he has a turtleneck has a turtleneck did you know

that yeah but he's also Asian I'm not doing

I'm not doing Asian I'm not doing Asian small dick joke that being said that being said doesn't help it doesn't help

especially when so especially when the skin is a lot and the dick is

small right so in his case hangs over yeah it's like you know it it the skin

has completely enveloped engulf engulfed the dick itself right so it just looks like a

little ball like it's tied off at the end a little too like a knot yeah it's like you know it's like one of those

shoe my dumplings oh I love shoe my dumplings to eat but to look at as as a pis to [ __ ] with no thank you he pulls

his Wi on he goes Shai yeah yeah yeah these guys are trying to warn the world to provide uh people with information to

help protect their children so these guys literally go around protesting but what are the I I don't know the

positives of keeping on well they say well they'll tell they'll tell you dude should we have these guys come on the show we should I don't I don't want to

meet them I want to meet them because there's nothing I can do about it I already got the it's over it's over they're trying to convince you not to do

it to your kids that's their whole point if I have it my kids have it right then my kids are going to have extra pleasure

but I bet that's an American thing you know that they don't in Europe what about in the Philippines most boys get circumcised don't they yeah see that's

weird in Europe they don't in Europe they all have sleeves really all my British friends have sleeves they don't

get clipped what what about you guys are you guys clipped or sleeves you got sleeves or you got helmets oh clipped

for sure so he's got he's got a helmet you Pete Pete sleeve right no clipped oh CLI okay sleeveless he's go sleeveless

got angry clipped is your did you guys wait a minute did you clip your kids no whoa Pete so your kid has a

sleeve your kid has a sleeve he does whoa oh your wife huh

your wife said she wanted to keep it cuz a lot of times the women want to keep it yeah my wife's European see Europeans

they they leave the sleeve they leave the sleeve so what did she say to you Pete was it a conversation for real no I

didn't want to circumcise him either why not because his wife didn't want to I mean come on Pete come on Pete have an

opinion yeah seriously stand up for yourself what a [ __ ] coward I don't want one either what is it Steve Steve

sleeve Pete Pete Pete sleeve Pete sleeve your new name is sleeve sevy sevy sley sevy sevy what is

it what is it why why why we didn't circumcise him yes Pete that's what we're talking about no

God I miss Andre yeah unbelievable why did the EMP no why did the emperor die in the you I mean in Return of the Jedi

yeah come on Pete why Pete why did you because you're we don't want to we didn't want to cut him you know he just

so let me provide a real argument because Pete really can't come up with anything can't come so what they say is you lose sensation when you keep your

sleeve you get more sensation the reason that we used to do that was hygiene because people didn't uh what is that

what are those I don't know is black Schmutz Schmutz on the table I don't know what it is it looks like poop yeah

it's like little rabbit poops on maybe you have a little rat in here is that rat poop do we have oh well don't yeah

it's rat poop do we have a rat well don't flick it towards me well why is it on my side because it knows where it

knows where it belongs it smelled my desk and was like it's me over by you oh

gross okay anyway we got rats um no so they say it takes away feeling so you it

so like when you clip you lose sensation so they say and they also say that hygiene uh that's why they did it so you

don't have to you know clean it as much you know but they say now with technology and all that stuff it's not people aren't getting as infected as

much but also it's supposed to protect you from STDs and all that stuff and but

does it no let's go back that none of those other things matter except the feeling thing they say the feeling is

way way stronger so it's like then let's go let's focus on the feeling that's what the the one cell is so let me so

what I get when I orgas I want to hear kind of do you do you not

really but I do the fans want to hear yeah let me ask you this mhm not a noise

but is there a face that you make when I orgasm yeah mhm you know what it is oh yeah I go

like this

oh it's real subtle it's not subtle it's so racist it's not racist it's overtly

racist no it's not it's not subtle that has nothing to do with RAC overtly racist no I just get really I really get

it's like if ladies and gentlemen anyone that does that the the president of the United States He openly Ling oh that's

me orgasm it's it's no that's me orgasm it's overtly racist that's that's not racist why would it be

have anything to do with race you ask for my faces and I go oh that's what I do it's like if I org guys I do a white

thing hey buddy that's so funny if you did that anybody

gotcha whatever white color crimes yeah yeah

yeah a yacht yeah no this that's my face I go no my face is this my face

is what what's my face no be real no be real about it I don't know what I look like yeah yeah you got to be real you

don't do any of that [ __ ] with your wife you okay let's be real then you know what it really is it's this

yeah that's it it's real that's very good your that what's yours let me

think oh gross God it's gross because you look your Tri yeah no

I'm just because it builds it's not like a moment of M's a moment feeling hits me out of nowhere there's like a 10-second

feeling that builds so it's it's more like Jules this is terrible she doesn't

need to see this no I just I won't do that I'll just do my face right yeah don't do your hands yeah I won't do

my there it is yeah that's good it's pretty good

right that's good that actually looks very realistic thank you I would believe that in a sex scene have you ever done a sex

scene no you know who else hasn't they're never going to Rite us they're

never going to Rite us in a sex scene they'll never ride us in a sex scene no nobody wants to see an Asian even when I was in splining up together there was a

scene where we were in bed yeah right and I mean redheads and Asians don't get a lot of sex no offense but like I think

had a thing where cuz she played my wife yeah where we're just laying in bed and she just has her arm like on me and the

director just went and took the arm off no yeah yeah really it just it feel looks weird oh that's so sad and I'm

like what so we're just best friends she's like you're married but nobody wants to see that you know I had

to I had to I've never been a part I don't know if that happened or not I've had ma I've masturbated on camera in a

sex scene like in a I'm alone in my room yeah that that doesn't count I know it's sad they want me on the only other time

well this was funny when we were shooting I'm dying up here I think I might told this story but there was a sexing going and I have to come in the

room and say a joke yeah Meanwhile my buddy Jake's butthole is right in my eyeline yeah his butthole his real

butthole yeah because you're wearing a merkin you know on the front but the the thread goes through his butthole yeah so

I see his butthole yeah and I have to walk in the room and say something like you know we're going to be late

something like that yeah were you laughing every time you laughed every time so cuz I see his nuts I see his

nuts hanging and I'm looking right into his butthole yeah but you know it's different and it's one of my close friends but when you're shooting it's so

funny because when you're shooting a scene yeah cuz when I did the cabin with Brook Chrysler and he was bent over so

he was bent over we're doing a colonoscopy M right and he's like stick it in right so I stick it in and his

sacks huge huge massive like [ __ ] bear sacks right his [ __ ] is like

three layers of purple real tight it's like what I'll tell you what it look like his [ __ ]

looked like you put a dut down mhm you put a smaller donut on top of that I see it and a smaller donut on top of that I

love it yeah yeah and that was kind of sticking out that was coming this way do you yeah it doesn't go how would I know

it goes inward no it was going outward right so it's sa and there was a little mole right in the entrance way oh yeah

you should get that check probably has a little sign that says like inside the mold do not enter or whatever so it's like and then like and I'm doing this

thing with I'm sticking the tube in his [ __ ] and I see my friends everything about him everything and but you're like

you know the cameras on you you're in the scene so you're just trying to like it's normal but it's horrifying

have you ever done one of those colonics or whatever they're called oh yeah you have we should do one and they had the

the tube next to you to show you they show you what goes what's going out I can't like have you ever done one of

those a colonic would you ever do one no why not you have to do one you they're good for you cancer you can get colon

cancer how many pounds of undigested food are in the average human stomach I read something one time that was like

six pounds of like undigested [ __ ] is just hanging out in your colon oh [ __ ]

like did you lose weight after you did it I'm going to have to get one I know cuz what's wrong tacos no I went to that

one product claims that anywhere from six to 40 pounds of waste feces and undigested food stuck in our bodies see

six sounded what I've heard 40 sounds insane Another One Compares the weight of the waste to carrying a a bowling

ball in our gut I went to self Edge to get jean Saturday and I go she goes okay

what size I go normal you know 32 in Waist oh you told me this at the barbecue 32 yeah 32 in and I literally

got one foot in the actual opening in the waist in the waist opening I got one

foot I go what's going on here right you're you're you're a 30 I'm a 37 almost that's big it's big it's gotten a

little big but you don't look like you gained any weight because my legs don't show it but you're tum tum it's my tummy

it's like it's just the body but you have really cute tummy I don't think so I think it's more like even my stand up

and show the camera even my brother went to the spa last week for the first time and my brother saw my body any he went

he literally went like you normally he would make fun of me like fatty but it made him he

goes you're going to die man let me see your stomach let me see so sad let me see

I'm going to this this is real I know I'm looking this is real all right yeah sideways yeah it yeah what do

you think Jules it's big yeah is it bigger than it used to be yeah I think so yeah but let me see

the let me see turn keep turning a little bit yeah we got to get it on we got to do a

diet we got to let's do a diet together do you want to do a diet or something we should do it I told I told ganina the

Javan car the girls in um Hungary with yeah I go do you you know nutritionist

you know every time I ask people nutritionist they always go you're not going to follow it that's not true yeah you will I will follow it what's your

breakfast like to this morning well you don't eat breakfast in the morning Jersey Mike's okay you woke up in had

Jersey mics yeah what are we talking six six 12 full not 12 it's 12 inches isn't

it it is it's got to be a foot long isn't it I don't know no it's it's a regular it's like it's not foot it's

half a foot what is a Jersey Mike sub length we got to what did you have on it let's just go down what your diet is

okay okay then we'll be able to break down the easiest way to get rid of it okay so what's an average Jersey Mike sub how look it up Pete what um what did

you have on the sub I have I get the number two the number two is the turkey provolone yes that's he no no no no it's

um not turkey Pro provolone it's um oh 357 yeah so you had a in is a regular

that's what I get that's fine okay oh wait no no no and 14 to 15 is the giant yeah but I don't get the Giant no swear to God ever ever okay good so what's the

two so what I'll get is but I'll add um jalapenos avocados safe safe both okay

and I'll add I do it Mike's way cuz I love it when he does that way right then I get a bag of potato chips which ones

the lay is regular that's not that bad and then I'll get a Diet Coke that's what I get that's what I had today so so

but the number two is it's the Italian right yeah so it's a cold cuts it's a cold cuts yeah so I had that and then um

then I won't eat calorie menu on Jersey miks please then I won't eat until

tonight yeah but you're better off eating smaller meals during the day than eating two massive meals it's harder on

your body so why don't you eat four meals but tiny ones Jersey Mike uh so

what are we talking number two I just need bro BR bro I just need somebody to go white bread or wheat bread white of

course oh no what plus 2,000 milligrams of sodium yeah holy

[ __ ] that's a lot that's a lot of salt cuz the mic's way yeah so we're it's so

it's 800 calories for that that's not that bad I think I just

this can I just tell you what I need what do you need baby I need somebody to go this like like I'm in prison mhm this

is it and this is all you can eat no option well why can't we do that Rudy can you do prison meals for him and I'm

like he's going to yell at me yeah that's probably pretty valid and so then

that's all I need if I could get that these are your three meals there's nothing you can do about look up that

company is there a company called prison meal plan that we can I would love to do a company called prison meal plan where

a guy comes to your house and he goes eat it yeah you're like I want more he's like no go to bed [ __ ] yeah yeah I need

that prison meals let's or or how about this how about can I go to a place mhm

for at least like a week or on two weeks I don't want that man let's get him a prison menu though that's what you

should be eating a package baloney no no because they don't give it that health I want something healthy okay but healthy

is going to be veggies that's okay and protein I don't care that's it I need somebody to go this is what you're going to eat this is going to be good for you

how come kala's in such good shape she exercises and eats she doesn't eat what I eat okay but you're not going to

exercise so can you I am going to exercise I have exercised before I saw the pelaton yeah I I just need somebody

how many times you I just need somebody just listen man I just I'm [ __ ] panicking I just need somebody to go

this is you're going to what you're going to eat I think I need to go to a an institution or something like a a place where I'm going

to wake up just for like a week two weeks fat rehab yeah and go this is what you're eating right yeah you can't smoke

you can't do anything okay and no no gadgets no phones what are you going to

be doing just working out the whole time I'll write you won't I will okay I want

to see that I want is there a place and anyone out there listening right now get me that place get is there fat rehab

weight loss rehab rehab just I just need a place where I can go residential weight loss treatment the first one go

down go down residential weight loss treatment positive alternative this is great you're going to a fat camp yeah

yeah structure house structure house yeah best residential weight loss and wellness program we're going to this

okay please look into this George with me though 100% you'll check in I swear to God I'll check in for how long for

the show oh for how long how long do we do it uh how long does it have to be live in weight loss Pro personal

coaching diet nutrition Behavioral therapy fitness and exercise is there flexibility click on that one because I'd love to know yes look at that you

can St what does that say day structure package you could go for a day just check in and check

out this oh it's four weeks it's one month interested in a stay longer than four weeks so most people go for four

weeks look at the day structure package please can you click on that link four weeks yeah a month is way too long I'm

busy who is it okay for those who live locally seeking benefits so you can show up up do it and go home well really

where is it at where is this at dude let's let's find out look at the

area code it's like Hawaii or something where what is it 855 no 855 is like an 800 number oh you

know 717 1804 let me find out

7147 1804 let me call and find out to see what they can Pro oh look at that

look where is that oh dude that's on that's North Carolina this is in North Carolina thank you for calling no this

is in Durham we need to do this you need to get this uh this dude we asked for a place in California you brought me

[ __ ] North Carolina man go back uh click back on that page God damn it man

man we're trying to save my life here man miss Andre like North Carolina's nice North Carolina is nice thank you

Pete that's true thank you Pete movement hey what time is it mvmt

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very sleek very cool I actually like to uh to use it when I am running uh and it's all good with sweat cuz I'd be

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bads again that's mvmt.com badri yeah buddy buter box slice it up

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love tails and RI eyes in your first box yum can I tell you something that I've been I've seen twice already on on HBO

yeah tragedy what tragedy I don't know what that

is you got do my and man don't time to talk

it's remember you know that you who's

that stay alive stay alive who's that the B's the B's yeah you have a

documentary they do yeah and I've been watching it I saw it twice already I saw by myself it's that good I don't know

here's what I like about it were they gay no man what they're not gay man

Barry Gibb D he's not gay he's got like 52 kids well you can have you can have

kids and not be gay he had the same wife the whole time he's still he's the only Gibbs brother that's alive still you

can't just say that he's gay I didn't say I asked I said is he gay no he's not gay at all well he looked that picture

looks gay had gay teeth that's the only thing gay about their is their teeth does Barry just say

does Barry Gibb have gay teeth wait what does it say is he gay what does anybody say no no he's not gay I didn't know I

thought does he have gay teeth yeah look at that middle picture the white one the white in the white look at how sexy he

is though yeah I say that as a man who might he could coer me yeah so Barry

does that guy look gay Rudy a little thank you it's the time period Rudy it's [ __ ] the 70s and it was the this

everybody was kind of gay everyone was gay then yeah they were I'm telling you right now if that's not a gay photo of three gay men no that's not that's not

outside the they're [ __ ] performing dude that's not outside the Abbey what do you think they should be wearing Paul

bunan gear well first of all does he have a camel toe look in the Middle look at how split that's Robin Gibb how dare

you look at his camel toe yeah he does have his penis up and away it looks like

it's Up and Away look ball balls his dick is yeah

it's up and away it's up and away it's up up and away you know why why they just killed it on stage and he's just he

he rocked you never got an erection when you were on stage no oh I get it all the time no you don't oh I do but no one can

tell no they can't tell oh no they can't I have it like that I have it Tu on my belly it's up and away yeah the guy on

the right looks like it's a photoshopped head okay well the guy on the right is Rory

Scoville so um so you watch a documentary about I'll tell you what I like about them I don't like disco me you're so

ignorant dude oh what's ignorant disco died it went and so obviously wasth can I can I tell you what you like about the

Gibbs go ahead all right so were big in the 60s right and they they weren't a

disco band they were like a British band right they did harmonizing and they were brothers and um they made it right they

made it big in the late 60s in Britain and in the United States right but were they famous there first no they actually

blew up in both places at the same time that's incredible right so then what happened was um they broke up because

Robin Gibb and Barry Gibb they they were there was a power struggle has like any

brothers uh N Gallagher it's it's just Tales all time right and actually he's

in he he's in the documentary who the Gallaghers yeah but just which one willam's not in it and also um one of

the Jonas's Brothers is in it as well that's a weird that's a weird uh cuz they're

talking about being Brothers in Show Business I know so anyway so what happened was they did their own thing and they were eating it on their own so

in the like early 70s they decided to get back together MH and they put out

two albums and now they're doing like [ __ ] rooms like they're playing like bar shows no one's coming 15 people it's

over right in fact they would tell Robin um don't look Tell Robin not to look in

the audience oh because he would see it's half full oh man right yeah right

so then what happened was Eric Clapton who signed by the same manager did an

album in Miami mhm and he just suggested to the boys like what just come out here

you always record your albums in England come out here and record an album and there's also an energy going on you the

Miami Sound or whatever and these guys went out there and they had one shot one [ __ ] shot they did it and they

changed their sound right and that's what we called disco bir disco was birth

but it reinvented them and it was an amazing it's an amazing thing achievement because it's like most bands

after the 60s when they died they're gone forever mhm you know well if you if you flop once it's hard to come back so

hard especially when you're known for one thing but these [ __ ] reinvented themselves it's really impressive it is

impressive I just the music itself is never my is just not I but I know but what happened was because of people like

you white dudes like you and that's so interesting that you these are white people by the way they're they're ours they're wh the Gibbs they couldn't be

more white they're Nordic that's us that's the most white up north is white

white oh that's true yeah these are the these are like the Viking people but there's be honest though there's two

different kinds of whites sure right you have which one am I the the ones the hardcore ones oh I'm white no you're

like working class white right trash garbage you can say it yeah right trash

white but then you have like Liberace fancy white white you have

Liberace you have the um zek freed and Roy fancy fancy gay fancy gay no no

they're gay don't thr all gay they're gay why because they like sparkles was Liberace gay yeah yeah but they like

sparkles and they like tigers gay and lions and they and when they die they had to wear them as well right I know

right so look at here they they they like to grow their hair like lions fancy right they're fancy they're fancy so

what I'm saying is when the disco disco was huge there was a guy in

Chicago right much like you yeah me who started this disco sucks movement which

I couldn't agree with more right yeah so he had all these people come out to Wrigley's Wrigley Field Wrigley Field

yeah bring all your disco albums we call it Church yeah disco albums put him in the middle of Wrigley's field and burn

it and we're going to explode him in a bomb dude that guy's the be who's that guy look up the Disco sucks guy dude

that guy that's you yeah it is and we were when we were watching the documentary we both at the same time go when we he popped up on the screen you

and Kila we went Andrew I want to play this guy if they make a scripted version of this disco

demolition night oh my God at kamsky Park R Stadium oh sorry I didn't know

wow dude and they brought their records and burn them at kamis July 12th 1979 at kamsky Park which is where the White Sox

used to play they turned away 15,000 people that's how many people 15,000 people with albums can we get in that's

how much they hated it dude that's incredible and by by the way who's the name it says it right there doesn't it

to playing of the field was damaged that the fans of the White Sox were required to Forfeit the second game to the Tigers CU it was a double header that the guy

Steve doll's an American radio person he's the owner operator of Steve doll Network and uh he's the one that was

campaigning this he's a Chicago shock shck guy yeah yeah come on and bring your records down to kamsky this

weekend he looked like a punk rocker back then in the 70s he was like hardcore a fatter with a green you know

still pretty fat that's true so this guy made you bring him down and so admission was discounted at 998 cents but who wins

at the end of the day they bought the records the beanes the bees will forever be known for they have like eight songs

that are just never going to go away in our conscience yeah no it's no she

doesn't know who that is they've gone away it's our generation we're done do you know who the pgs are I know their

music not them yeah you know the music you know that song yeah yeah but because in the Philippines that's probably a hit

now everyone [ __ ] knows they're probably in the streets going that's probably their thing now in

the Philippines today like like how far behind are the Philippines in music I don't know well they always say like

Asia is a couple years behind right like a hit song out here is going to be late there not anymore dude the internet bro

what the [ __ ] are you talking about no that's true because their culture their pop culture music is bigger than our they're creating our their their own pop

culture now [ __ ] that some of them no all of them no K-pop is Big there but but but not in Japan and not in China

they're still behind us they are Japan is not behind us in any way as far as our music in terms of film music and any

of that no man our hits our hits here happen first and then they get over there so by the time they're burnt here

they start to get over there that's just fact that's just truth so what you're saying right now is like some Japanese

guys opening up a present from their parents MH and they go Sublime Alum yes

40 ounces to freedom and they that's what they're saying and they don't practice Centuria

that's the whole then that's their whole life now and they're like memorizing their F favorite new artist name B

Armstrong Armstrong so they doesn't you know I mean so they remember so it locks into their

bra do you know do you know Green Day do you know that band God that's so weird wrot me a letter Billy Joe Armstrong

wrote you a [ __ ] letter he sent me coffee timeout are you friends with him yeah you are yeah did he he did TB he

did he did the belly I have a weird story with him with Billy Joel Armstrong yeah yeah please like like arguably my

so much of my influence when I was in a band he did mat TV right oh he was a guest yeah he his Green Day played mat

TV right we would get like maryn Manson and Green Day to play Matt TV right yeah and um and that's where I learned that's

where I met like Ryan Reynolds and we had young actors as well that would guest star or whatever right so um

that's where I met Billy but then like Billy and I became for some reason Matt TV was like um we're going to send you

out to the Grammys to me to me and you're going to interview people on the red carpet so I would right yeah so in I

would like interview people at like you know the Emmys that's awesome or the Grammys you like that I hated it why Bob

because you're with the Press so it's like but they I want to be I want to be no at the time no one knew who I was so

I want to be like on the red carpet and I'm with 50,000 people with cameras and going hey hey hey hey hey hey you know

what I mean like it was terrible didn't they have a press person go excuse me we have a guy from mat TV be a comedian no one would want to do it right yeah sorry

I said something give it so hacky and it makes me sweat

so much I can't I can't I don't think please oh my God it make it's so embarrassing so what we all have

embarrassing [ __ ] what was it so I I I'm and me and Nicole Parker

are at the EMS and no one will come and then William H Macy love right

decides to come right and I I so so um

how's the department

stores did you really say that to William H Macy how are the department stores do you even get that joke Rudy no

there department stores called Macy's do you know Macy's you know like nor his response was worse yeah he probably said

go [ __ ] yourself no you're a comedian and he walked away oh my God I like that

guy so much more oh my God how much more do I like William H Macy now that he said that to you you're a comedian walks

away and and but it was one of those things where it's like when it was coming out of my mouth my mind and my

filter and everything about me inside you know being code red bail bail yeah

yeah but it was still coming out it was still coming out how did how and they're like sorry boss it's already in the

thing you know we sent it out we sent it out you know what I mean Nicole say oh she blushed all the blood you know what

I mean just rushed into her face redh and she was just kind of looking on the ground cross-eyed sweat dripping and

upset because imagine so you're he goes and you're a comedian he walks away this

is me I would love to see that and and

Nicole Parker is we're just sitting there like this and and I I remember turning to Nicole going something like

this is my last one of these how many had you done like six or seven were they paying you money the show was but I mean

that was just a thing you had to do outside of the show and also the show I mean obviously you're on a late night sketch show you're not making that much

money to ruin your career going that started your career how's the yeah at

the time though you think it's done yeah you know how's this how's the department store you're a comedian huh oh my God

the pain how what did Billy Joel say what I want to know so anyway so Billy Joel right one I remember one night it

was after some event or something and his him his wife and him I didn't know

them at all right like you what do you mean you I don't barely knew him you know what I mean he was always nice to me though yeah he he was always like a

really nice guy he really is if you ever met you ever met him no I think they're phenomenal so talented Trey cool I

remember he goes a let [ __ ] let's I go to that bar and I he goes we're staying at this hotel and my

wife and I come just to the room we'll hang out I swear to God no it wasn't

that Vibe no it wasn't the yeah it wasn't that vibe it wasn't that five no

no so I just remember like um come to the room and hang out with my wife his wife was in the room I know but also

let's just meet so this is what happened never inviting someone up to my room with my wife back then it was the '90s

yeah so we were just like I just remember I'm he's laying on the bed

okay it wasn't like that I'm laying on my back he's laying on the bed I'm laying on my back and his wife was

knitting this is hot on the [ __ ] couch she was like making a blanket or something and we talked for like 3 or 4

hours just sitting on the beds no I'm laying on the ground he's laying on the bed and we're just laughing and telling stories and stuff and I remember just

going all right later and I left it was really sweet yeah it was a cool little

I've had so many little moments weird moments like that you have to cherish those and know that those are really

important instead of when you get upset and you get weirded out by the business and you're sad you have those moments for the rest of your life if I look back

I have so many little moments like when John Cena like you know John Cena right no I don't know who John Cena

is who is he he's an actor is he

though he's in the W he was in the WW I know I saw Fast N I saw I saw F in that

John John Cena is like the main opposition to so he um V I remember like

when we're all about family I remember when we did um 24 with

Bobby Lee right and at John Cena I go I'm we did it in my apartment so I go I

go I'm sleeping so you have to wake me up so slap me in the chest so the first day he goes like that and I go and I

kind of got mad I was like dude hit me but this is television it reads hit me

hit me as hard as you can yes and he goes I'll break every bone in your pot I go hit me I will break yeah I hit me see I just

remember like laying there and then like knocking out oh he woke you up to knock

you out no I was unconscious like he went C right on my thing right and I I

went I went to heaven right Jesus and I came back into my body right and then

for some reason I got up and then um I go go back to the first thing yeah do

what you did do what you did before you're right was he was he a cool guy I love him one of the nicest guys see how

many small Beautiful Moments but I have these little tiny moments with Billy Joel with John Cena with a million things I'll tell you another I ever tell

you about the Asian sex party wait have we talked about that on this show yeah I think that was uh one

of the first five episodes we did let me tell you something I've had a lot I've been lucky to to have a lot of little

moments but I was so young in the business that you've had good moments well when I did punked we met a million

celebrities right but I just but I was so embarrassed about doing the show that it was a little hard for me like I Drake

I drove Drake to meet the president he thought he was meeting Barack Obama and Joe Biden also you're also play you have

to be in the scene and commit to the scene and you have to play this guy almost be invisible yeah you do you have

to be you have to be in a chameleon that must be hard and then it's also like it's not as if you're the star of the

show you're kind of just a player right so you have to kind of be unknown almost well you do have to be unknown and then

afterwards sometimes they like you and you get to know that I mean that's how I got to know Bam Margera like I got to know some people from from the show because afterwards they were like yo

that was great cuz we also wrote the show yeah so that was cool but there were moments

where you know we would have to mess with celebrities and you're like then they're upset when it's over and then

they hate you and you're like it's not me it's a thing and they're like no [ __ ] you really kind of I mean are there are

times where I mean obviously this happens where they go I I'm not going to sign the NDA for

that all the time release that happened so much it was insane and then and then you have some producers come up like

come on man they beg and they offer money and whatever they can do I mean it just doesn't work because people like no we're not going to do it wow I unless

the star that punked them was so big like when Bieber did people when we worked with him no one was going to say

no cuz the air time for them was like huge anybody said yeah Mac Miller who's passed away he was incredible and he was

a kid he was probably 18 or 17 and man he was so good so young overdose I mean

you know it's really weird because it was like it was an accident I think he went to bed and took a couple pills to go to sleep and just didn't wake up yeah

that's the kind of stuff that you should be lucky that you're alive because of all the stuff that you did some people just take a couple pills and they never wake up yeah and you did so so much much

more yeah but you never did pills I did I was that was my main thing no not like

but you didn't like mix a bunch of stuff and then take pills and go to bed yeah I I I would take six volumes at night when you

before you went to sleep yeah oh [ __ ] I mean Jerry Seinfeld saw my dick what is up with that you hear about

that yeah we talked about that on here yeah we did yeah about Jerry yeah he hated it well I did apparently it was

just a rumor all right George I sometimes repeat myself there's no way you don't have to [ __ ] shame me yeah

we heard about that already move on he does that thing where he gets a little too uppity buity it's also dude listen

you know what he didn't do you know what he didn't do didn't introduce me to his wife at the party she had come up to me I know I saw that she goes hi we didn't

get to meet George why didn't you introduce me to your wife and your baby I was busy with my baby sorry sir but

but I show up I say hi I'm how nice was I I went around to everybody were a

sweetheart and I went around to everybody and I said hi and you know who's the sweetest to me yeah everybody but George who I know on the most

personal I know you more than anybody there kila's mom was so polite and nice the redheaded firefighter guy was

incredible Jeff Jeff yeah yeah whose wife works for NASA but UCLA but it's

NASA too oh did you get that my favorite thing about when

Bobby I love it I love when you introduce me to people your information I know is wrong no it's not that I like

to embellish and make people look good always right so if you you go she works for NASA and I go really you go and I

and I go in what capacity you go dude on the Aerospace on the [ __ ] rockets and

I was like whoa and so when Jeff goes hey great to meet you and I said great to meet you and then he said I said your wife works for NASA that's incredible he

goes she works for UCLA but in conjunction with NASA I go is she a rocket scientist and he goes well she works on the pieces for the the pieces

that go for the rocket she works at Nasa you made it sound like she like she's [ __ ] in a rocket I didn't say that

she was a like a five Tito Bobby exaggerate when he meets when he's talking about people and what they do a

little yeah we're going to add another minutt tonight for your to your set no yeah another minute to your just a

couple more extra minutes no tell me yeah um if we if this goes well this

thing that we're doing do you want to do a bad Friends tour or no yeah because last time we talked

about it you were a little skeptical in fact you didn't even tell me you wanted to tour until I think that we should do this I think here's what I'm willing to

do I'm willing to do like how about if I do 15 20 minutes on stage as a standup

you do 30 or whatever you want to do right then we do um come out together and do the show come out together but we

also do a podcast almost yeah you come out and do the show we do a live podcast how do we do if we could do it somehow

where we do the live podcast but also do a little stand up and also do a little double thing right and then Jules is there too on stage right if we go on

tour you're going yeah when does school start in the fall August 30 August 30th

yeah and and then what do you have to do for school can you do stuff online does it can't it doesn't have to be in

person um yeah it doesn't have to be in person dude the world has changed so much like that's insane to me you can

just now she can tour you can tour with us and she doesn't have to worry about missing anything cuz we just have to have internet for her we just have to

get those little uh what are those you know like mobile hotspots or whatever that's what we need to do yeah dude what

life honestly let's book some dates on let's try one we will no like in August I'm serious let's do it because that's

funny because uh speaking of Rudy's popularity which is a little much she was getting drunk at your house dude she

was on four white claws not even just let me say something shitfaced cuz when I looked over and I said she was Blitz I

said what are you doing over there Rudy and she goes [ __ ] off that's what she said by the pool [ __ ] off yeah I did not

like it I didn't like the attitude but she said black cherry that's what she said yeah char Charles bow is my

favorite she said is that what you said Charles Bowski is my favorite you're big on Bowski now yeah wow no yeah you know

you are I I I feel cool up that she's she's no longer a high schooler I can

see it now she's a now she's an adult to you well she put a half a tank of gas in the car which is cool did you really I

put full not it wasn't fall how it wasn't fall is that the first time you've ever pumped your own gas no I

didn't while he was away yeah it wasn't fall it was a full no it wasn't full it was full I swear on my mother's life it

wasn't you're just blind toi whoa whoa who he's not going to swear on his mother's life or something that's not true speaking of which we still need to

go out the Phoenix and see your mom we I'm just blind yeah another minute no

what is that five now yeah 6 minutes oh 6 minutes now yeah you listen you keep amping up this is what you're going to

get into um what's the male Karen Chad Chad

that's what they deemed it Chad yeah so Chad is the male Karen yeah you've seen this guy you know this guy so for the

context Bob show me the video see he says the n-word he's yelling at someone who's recording and he and then he's bold enough to give his address yeah

this is the best and okay let's play the video and then you know play the play video out of here and you can't do [ __ ]

that's me talking [ __ ] 3602 that's where I live come [ __ ]

see me he's getting hit pelted in the

[Laughter]

face look at the guy this guy does a [ __ ] slam dunk

water right here amazing watch what this guy does this guy's the best we got to get this guy on podcast podcast here's a D1

a here's a D1 athlete ready yeah look at these hops D in the Hat

no so wait a minute he got pelted with bottles outside of his did they police escort him away is that what it was well

they arrested him for um harassment uh cuz he was harassing someone that yeah

right so you know but they really they really went there because they didn't want him to get killed yeah yeah so he's handcuffed right and he's like um also

they broke the windows of his house yeah you don't yell the nword and then say your address and say come see me the

dumbest [ __ ] white nationalist I've ever seen your add you give the to your

enemy I would give your address I give your address and then your

address you don't give your own address what kind of [ __ ] goes yeah come see

me attack you attack an entire race of people and go come to my house right and you're not in the South no dude you're

in you're in New Jersey yeah you're in Jersey you're in New Jersey not hard to get to get not hard

to get to the the fact that this by the way you know who you know who I feel kind of bummed for these cops are

getting pelted with [ __ ] yeah and they're like all we're trying to do is get this racist out of here so you guys

don't kill them and we have to clean up a murder scene no I'll tell you why because when you the video that we saw

in the before mhm there it was it's a longer video right so there's a moment where do you know the whole context of

the video the moment he's saying all these racial like these whatever whatever right there's a cop there oh

right and then he's like he can't do nothing you know the white n is like I

know the law you mean I can say whatever I want they all know the law by the way these guys are big they're they're

lawyers you know this guy they're all lawyers white nationalists are all lawyers that's my favorite thing on the internet they go I know my rights yeah

do you yeah do you a grade school dropout do you really know your rights but let's say First Amendment right

there you go I'm exercising My First Amendment rights no man you can't yell racial epithets in the street regardless

it's like but these people too are exercising their rights well not to throw bottles at your face that's just

Karma I know but to show up to show up yeah that's they can show up out your house and protest your house and protest

you as a human MH hitting you in the face with a bottle illegal but also fun funny funny and fun funny check check on

very funny hey man turns out you can't yell the NW word in the street and then give your address and then expect people

not to show up and hit you in the face with stuff yeah just a vague that's an hey hey by the way if you hate black

people or anybody um don't yell it in the street and then give your address

simple rule I would love to have a time machine simple rule go back in the past you know back like if escaped like a

slave escaped a plantation white people would gather together with torches like just like this but the opposite and hunt

this person down right yeah I would love to go back in the past and just have this video I'm not laughing at what you're saying I'm laughing at where your

head is going and just and to look at these white people and go this is the future show them what it's yeah it blow

their minds yeah be careful what you're doing now because this is the

future yeah show the go back to right under the play button scr scroll back yeah scrub to there here's where we

watch our boy dunk one more time let's watch him dunk one more time you push p i I'll give you that you can turn the music off yeah if

you give me the if you pause on it at the right spot okay go

and mid hop ready and now beautiful hop

form the Hops yeah look at the hook you know what also for better grippage mhm

the glove oh he's got a glove on for better grippage per cuz he was like if I'm throwing water bottles you know I'm

bringing a glove yeah yeah yeah so it doesn't slip you know what I mean the water doesn't come genius genius now

let's see how hard he throws it let's press play really good rotation the follow

through was incredible it's a spike it's a it's a volleyball it was a spike dude volleyball coaches all over the country

we've got your guy press play and and right I mean look at look at the

elevation scholarship look at the D1 D1 scholarship hello UCLA yeah yeah I have your guy this guy's the best look at the

elevation look at the elevation he used another human being as a shoulder pump perfect if you're going to jump look at

let's do it one more time if you're going to jump and ready well he's holding on to one of his buddies it's

like the Olympics where they go on the hobby horse thing the pmel horse P horse P he's Pummel horsing another person

that's amazing by the way this is sprinkled with some whites out there yeah they got some love they got some local white support look at there's a

grocery bag someone was just shopping trying to get home somebody was just coming home speaking of the Olympics

that Shakari Richardson thing is is [ __ ] oh the weed thing it's

[ __ ] go on her mom died yeah two weeks before it

yeah she wanted to smoke a little weed yeah the problem is it's no there's no problem no no here's my thing there's no

problem I think I think it's [ __ ] that weed is still federally illegal that's our bigger problem so the

Olympics committee now is obeying by the rules of the federal government yeah which the whole thing is is [ __ ] up

because you're allow they're allowed to approve certain drugs yeah right you can take Advil I can tell pain relief I can

even take cortisol okay to but because it's still ferally legal they still obey

by the federal law yeah my bigger question is why is it still federally illegal it's crazy why is it that I'm in

the state that I'm in I can smoke pot on my porch with my family yeah huh I can go home with my I can smoke a big joint family yep I with your kids well no not

with my kids but I mean seriously yeah and with your grandparents and we're good the moment I cross an invisible

line an invisible states are lines now you go you can go to prison for that for

the dumbest [ __ ] I've ever heard in my life my bigger problem the Olympics thing is bad I feel bad but how is this

still illegal I can't that's the broader that's the broader problem well no because I'm

looking at it from I'm saying I understand why people are mad about it but moreover it goes how come we can't

go can we fix this already and just make it federally legal get this over with

cuz this is the kind of stuff where you go this is this is why this is why the

country hates each other is because certain states have certain laws that don't abide by other states and other laws and just because of that the

politics come into play it's all [ __ ] it's all [ __ ] yeah but let these people smoke pot it infringes on

no one's rights we could let the states do what they want to do for their own people I think it should be federally

legal across the people do what they want to do with their own people let the people do what they want to do with their own people yeah I feel bad I feel

bad for that chick I think it sucks I think it's [ __ ] [ __ ] but also it's not a performance enhancement drug

oh Michael Phelps won [ __ ] the most gold medals of all time and he was an avid pot smoker yeah what happened

there nothing he but was he tested and well he would he would pass those tests

before he went to swim yeah I I I guess that's her bad the timing part of it is like lady yeah yeah don't you know you

got to run in the Olympics yeah yeah yeah that's my other side of the story is I'm like it's [ __ ] but also

someone should have gone Shakari yeah no you got smoke about run a [ __ ] Olympics like if shakar was at the the

weed party with the the circle you know they're passing the passing the joint and I was next to her I get it right right M I'd pass it

back to no you wouldn't you'd be so enamored by the fact that you're with one of the greatest like Olympic Runners of all time she's like I'm not supposed

to because I'm running and you're like maybe a little bit I don't know I don't think so maybe a little bit no I think

I'd be like nah you got to run Chicago you're like you're an Olympics you're an Olympics girl we can't give it to you

wouldn't you do that as a friend though if I was running no cuz let me tell you something yeah or floating I'm friends

with certain pro athletes yeah I wouldn't if I was getting high with a pro athlete but knew that they're not

supposed to get high I wouldn't stop them it's not my job they're adults who am I to tell them not to smoke

pot you know what I mean who am I you're his friend I know but it's not my bit

it's not he could be like shut the [ __ ] up [ __ ] and I'd be like okay here's the weed the Shakari thing but by the way it

is it's a two-sided story to me I feel bad for her because it's [ __ ] yeah but at the these two things can coexist

but at the same time why did you why did you do it right before the Olympics that's my problem it's a two-way street

it's a bummer it's also [ __ ] I also they should let her run of course they should you didn't you didn't you didn't

viol got a great personality a great Vibe the amount of Olympians that cheat and use HGH I know dude what do you mean

Lance Armstrong was like uh yeah we all were taking steroids yeah every [ __ ]

bu the Tor France was all steroids but maybe that's a lesson to to learn maybe

future Olympic Runners will be like remember Shakari what happened to Shakari I think the bigger issue again

is yes it is a lesson but it's a lesson that our country should federally legalize a [ __ ] plant that has literally no performance-enhancing

[ __ ] bit there's no scientific research that has been proven to find that marijuana gives you a scientific

Edge or I mean um a prefer you think there would be would deter somebody it would hurt them kind of the old joke is

like oh you get sleepy and hungry you wouldn't want to run but it's like but some people do use it during performance

I know guys that smoke pot and go for long runs they only will run when they're Stone I know dude that smoke pot

and lift weights and act in scenes oh please what do you mean I've been with those guys all day long there's guys I

how do you [ __ ] do that what Keenan from SNL they say he's stoned the whole time yeah but he's but he's a

professional pot smoker that's what it is when you smoke pot all the time you're us You' been would you be able to

act no I'd be just sleepy yeah sleepy so sleepy the point is it's [ __ ] let

her [ __ ] run also legalized pot can we grow up in legalized pot and because

our Tonight Show the show of tonight is going to feature Rudy jwes uh I want her to end the show you

know last time people got mad we didn't say thank you for being a bad friend yeah so we're going to do it now all of us in the room as loud as we can on

count of three you guys too thank you look at

me we're going to do it together one

two three Bob one two 3 thank you for being a bad

[Music]

friend wo

yeah

woo wo