SOS Bobby Needs Stitches | Ep 226 | Bad Friends

hey Australia we added show we added shows down under mate so listen

Australia go to badf friends pod.com for those tickets we're adding shows in almost every single City because you

guys bought so many tickets weate thank you so much man we're going to give you the best show you've ever seen best shows ever down and so go to badf

friends pod.com for those tickets I'm coming to see you in the fall I'm doing my tour uh for my new hour it's called

the freeze Peach tour come see me uh I'm going to be in Indianapolis Charlotte

uh Iowa Omaha Kansas City Cleveland St Louis Grand Rapids Detroit Chicago Durham Atlanta Charleston Philly New

York Phoenix San Francisco Boston uh and Minneapolis I'm all over

the place go to Andrew san.com for those tickets Andrew Santino dcom you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a

white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're

bad friends well I'm back I'm back back uh how was your world tour guys great

donkey it was a great little tour my little Asian donkey yeah had a great

time in Scotland you and Charlie day huh Scotland yeah Hollywood he loves it let

me tell you I've been hunkered down here man [ __ ] oh you've been hunkering have you been hunkering I'm hunkering down here making things happen dude first of

all you've been falling out of bed bunks and busting your lip you have zero privileges anymore to talk about Andre

life yeah my head bumps dumb lip show your lip to the people it's healed now a little bit whoa you know what that looks

like what a nasty disease it was nasty dude it's gross if I hit my head in a

certain way I could have died and you you smile now you know this

is what I don't like about this show and this is what I don't like about all of you guys right dude you mock me when I had the earthquake and I hit my head you

did the same thing yeah it was a little bump dude did you get stitches dog what I almost knocked out my eye you didn't

dude I'm sorry I'm sorry that's yeah you watch your tone dud that's it's way too much what I'm going to say to you is

this okay what were you dreaming about when you fell out of the bunk I didn't fell out of the bunk dude you he listen to my story dude yeah listen to the

story dude all right follow along my friend also I have some things I want to say about certain people you know people

don't anyway what I want to say is this okay is I do the show I'm in Savannah

Georgia about the this is fully loaded I'm doing the fully loaded thing right with in Savannah Georgia with Bert and

everybody right went up was okay fun you did great

we heard I killed it we heard I we heard great night with my

friends backstage then there's a little powow you know you know I love powow you're a big poow I'm a pawow guy dude

cuz I'm from pawe yeah you know I mean so we really love it and we

go that's what you do in a pow that is yeah yeah on a campfire there's always a campfire and there's Stories being told

you smoke Opium no I'm sober now okay yeah back in the day though we used to do that real and suck dick oh yeah opium

and Dick and then vice versa they go hand in hand exactly so then I go um all

right so what bus am I on and they're like the last one which is the fourth

bus with who big J and no I don't even get that bus who was on your bus I didn't even know that's how B bad my bus

you were with the crew no I wasn't with the crew I was the riggers and stuff no it's with the um that's

racist I'm sorry you're with the riggers and stuff yeah yeah thank you yeah we be rigging yeah we' be rigging um so anyway

um what happened was I um no um what's this Cisco sound what's his name the

Thong Song guyis The Thong Song Sisco no what's his name uh oh Cipher sounds Cy sounds so he texted me you know this

right right he was like your boy your boy is not happy with me and I was like why what happened cuz I you text I'll

tell you well yeah what happened may I tell you yeah what happened all right so it's 2 in the morning and when I get on

the bus Kelsey Cooks you know I mean obviously bottom bunk she's awesome her boyfriend very funny guy Chad Chad

Daniels both so funny but they're like we got bottom bunk we've already established well yeah they're a couple

they get priority but they're not in the same bunk they're separate bunks you can't sleep in there with another person

you barely fit in there I know my point is then why do they both get bottom bu what does it matter because they want to

pull the curtain back and have a little chitchat at what up and down that's even better you can you have to look down when that's true that's true anyway and

by the way when you're across they can sneak Scurry across and then Scurry back

disgusting okay anyway um so I go so what are I where am I they're like that top bunk dump bunk so I got to take all

the [ __ ] off and then there's no mattress right I go where's the mattress oh yeah we took it out so we can put the

stuff on so I go where is it I you know we had to put it in there right and then

the pillow and the sheets smelled like Tony Hing Cliffe cuz he slept in it it's misery dude it's the worst kind of

camping once the pony's in there right that's my stable so I'm sitting there

and I decide I'm going to watch Battle Star Galactica from season one again nice okay I'm watching then I drift you

know how I dream you be drifting I drift I dream and I um I fantasize Revenge

fantasies all the Tik tokers I'm going to kill what you know you know how it does yeah and then um at around two in

the morning I go you know how one does pee most do one does all do sometimes

that's right all the time so me I'm like should I wait you

know how you're in as sleep you're like you contemplate you wake up because of the pee you're like can I sleep through this right but then it builds like a

damn it's bubbling you're bubbling dude good to see you man good to see

you and I go I go to the bathroom so I I open the curtain it's pitch

black what's so funny let me guess yes you forgot don't say rig again once I

say pitch black you can't say rig sorry sorry about that yeah yeah yeah you forgot you were on the top bunk I didn't

forget okay yeah I know where I'm at that's not how conf I'm not confused watching you swing your little legs over

the top bunk and dangle them yeah it's like the funniest [ __ ] I've ever seen in my life I know it's just your little two

little legs kicking I shouldn't be up there you'd have no business did they get you a ladder should have put a little ladder up there no no ladder so

what happened so I I I scoop my little legs over MH pitch black and in my mind I'm like how do I get down right and I

said oh this is a way you reach over to the other side and put your hand on the

edge of the other bunk that's across the hall so I reach and I go there's no Edge

and I fall yeah and my head hits the edge hilarious my head get knocks back I fall to the ground and I I'm KN I'm

knocked [Laughter] out you know you know I mean I don't

know what the [ __ ] and then this p pain in my mouth I thought I had lost teeth and it opened up and I'm drenched in

blood so I take off my shirt and I put it over my face and then I go into the the first half of the bus and I go to

the bus driver and I go I got knocked unconscious and I think

I need to go to the hospital it won't stop bleeding my lips and he go 5 hours

away bud what am I going to do we're in the middle of nowhere five hours away bud

you can't just sit there five five hours away I go okay like I don't want to also it's my first day on the tour right my

bus goes to the hospital then all the other buses up I don't know how it works but there's a group text and I text I go

you know SOS oh I'll show you I'll show you the text well later so anyway I like

I text everybody like so everyone's on the text atal but then also lean ker

Bert's wife everyone's on it and I take a I take a photo of my mouth and I go I don't know what to do

I'm bleeding profusely profusely you got it yeah and uh I'm in so much pain and I

just don't know what to do can somebody help me nobody helps me no one responded they're all asleep it's 3: in the

morning oh right every we're on the bus going to W you fall Chad or no no and

you know they don't like me yes they do but I'll tell you what pissed me off now here we go all right Cipha sound Cipha

I'm sitting their blood drenched shirt okay he's awake he walks out like he just came out of a [ __ ] you know I

mean Rave I don't know that's not I don't know it's something funny try it

again we'll oh [ __ ] all right he walks comes out of like a Smoke House crack a

crack house a smok house crack it's just crack house no it's even worse a smok house crack yeah yeah yeah yeah wow yeah

it's not even a house it's much more serious a Smoke House crack it's so [ __ ] serious cuz a crack house is one thing but if you're in a smok house crack you're in trouble it's insane

that's bad yeah and so his assistant or his buddy his buddy

God rest this kid Soul he dead he's dead no what the [ __ ] was that I no thank you

you can't God Rest someone no I didn't see that I said thank you so much God for putting him in my life this kid had

gone about like maybe a half an hour before scipa and sat with me he goes you know what I'll stay awake and I'll sit

with you that's very nice until we get to West Palm because you didn't want to go to sleep in case you I died in case

you die cyer comes out he goes hey got to go pee and I go he goes pee comes out

I he goes I go well he I go I got knocked unconscious I don't know what to do and he goes I'm tired man and he went

back that's all he it pissed me off but what could he have done stay up with me

he was tired dude he told you there's blood everywhere I have no shirt on I

would stay up but the relationship is different you don't even know Cypher you called him something else you don't even

know his name yeah cuz I didn't memorize it because of the thing that he did oh you only memorize if I know that he's going

to be in my life that's right that makes right there's not a lot of room up here you know that right there's like only three room like the new girl what's her

name I forgot wait a minute let's honestly guess Heidi she looks like Heidi to me what's the letter of your

first name d Deanna whoa it's D I was way off mentally Diana no DD Diana did I

just said that dork dork dumb Dum Doras anyway forget it whatever so there's not

a lot lot of room here so I didn't memorize it anyway we get to West Palm mhm I haven't

slept blood is gushing out of my mouth I had to get nine stitches no nine yeah

that's it went all the way to the bottom dude wow yeah and then um as soon as the bus and thank God for Leanne she's the

greatest person on Earth one of the best she runs to the bus grabs me panicked I'm sure panicked yeah see we got to go

to the hospital now we got to go you know what I mean she's number one she got somebody you know what I mean and then you know they called The Paramedic

it was the whole [ __ ] N9 yards wow right and then I went to the hospital some Chinese man you know did it wo wo

wo it was the best the dude the Chinese are the best at it the stitcher was Chinese the whole

thing was Chinese everyone you were in China we're at a China Chinese restaurant oh wow it's called yeah PF chanks no no we um you just get some

duck and get some stitches no cuz we didn't go to the hospital we went to like a clinic oh right an emerc so I go

in there and there's a black lady there yeah excuse me

what was that was that her or was that the Chinese guy that wasn't the Chinese guy I can't tell anymore my Impressions

yeah it's not good what did she had an attitude because of you no that's rude rude I was trying to make it comedic but

did she have an attitude no she didn't she goes can I help you that's very nice that's better right and that's more real but was there a white person in there

with him no they were all black and I go yeah and she goes nah we can't do that we don't do that here because in the

mouth right you might have to go to the hospital but then the Chinese doctor came out and he looks at me and he goes

no we do it now wa like you do it now we do now we don't know he goes we don't know how but we do it now if you weren't

Asian do you think he would have helped you if it was me he would have turned around hospital hospital you right and

then I S this is not a lie all right they had to like move things around and then look for

things that's not a good sign yeah I know it wasn't but I'm like he's doing it for me it wasn't readily available no

no she's like well that's you know mean the suchas and all that stuff you know the P we don't know you know they don't know they're like looking at things

right they don't know they're like scrambling on they're bringing chairs in that aren't supposed to you know what I mean and then she's like he's like

there's no apparatus he goes to the the lady and she goes he goes open your mouth right so she opens my mouth keep

it still so she's like doing with this with her fingers right and she's like just doing it like you I call it the

first Blood style First Blood remember the first blood when he falls off the [ __ ] cliff that's you that was me

dude wait did he are these disappearing stitches or they take them back out they're disappearing they're the ones that mold into you they mold in well

they go into your skin right don't they dissolve into your skin yeah they dissolve into the skin yeah yeah but what does that really mean is that I

it's like you think there's I'm a scarecrow could that be another scarecrow is that another vaccine oh maybe they can naturally dissolve by

being absorbed by the body has wound heals but I just don't trust them yeah because it was a Chinese gun didn't it right it couldn't you know what it was

bamboo probably oh wow yeah yeah it was [ __ ] bamboo dude you think he helped

you become because you were Asian 100% if you weren't Asian you'd have sent you away go go yeah what if you were what if

you were a black guy cuz the black girl was up front no he wouldn't even give me a suggestion I don't think the blacker

would like bleed the death put some put some cussing on it yeah bleed to death yeah yeah I don't know but I he looked

at me and he was like I'm going to help this guy he felt like he had to do it for the motherland right so then I um I

go you know what all right so I get the stitches and I'm they're like well what about the show tonight I go I I think I

can do it but I got I haven't all day i' just been bleeding into my shirt so I'm going to go to a hotel right and I slept

for like 7 hours wow I wake up and I couldn't talk right you're

swollen I'm swollen and I it's there's so much pain I'm because I'm in AA and stuff I can't take any medication for it

except ibuprofen and I just call them and I go this is I can't do this sh I'm so sorry and they're like we understand

what did it sound like I can't do the show like that yeah

anyway so they go so I just took a flight back to LA you came home immediately I came home and I just spent

like 5 days alone just weathering through it have you been re yeah you seemed like you

were upset when we talked well I was upset um here's the thing uh I'm grateful that I didn't hit

my head in a like you know what I mean like if I hit my forehead yeah I think it would have been way worse yeah you

would have been like Carlos yeah and I don't want to be like Carlos nobody does that's insane dude you have a good body

thanks bro but I don't have that so I would have just your mind your body my body and it doesn't

work it's end game I get that so no offense and no none taken none taken

okay good none taken yeah we're good at this point take take some I secretly took some take one leave

some for others yeah leave some leave some leave some for the other people so um did you hold your pee this whole

time all right dude it's not like I was bleeding in my Shir like I got to hold the P2 it's like no I went to pee that's

what you were thinking about the whole time I was telling the story like when's the pee happen yeah when is the PE insane it's true did you pee at yeah

what like watching a movie you just assume like I just saw planet of the kingdom of the Apes right yeah right

there's no [ __ ] scene but you just assume that they the monkeys are [ __ ] somewhere I would like to see that I would love to see a [ __ ] scene

why monkey why are they not showing that yeah they don't show that cuz the ones that throw the [ __ ] that's always fun I'd love to see that yeah what you

weaponize it yes weaponize your poo so anyway yeah you movie when's the last

time you saw a movie and they go oh that's a good [ __ ] scene um never not one movie you can tell

me unless it's a comedy oh yeah I know um there's no dumb and dum d That's the

only one where he can't flush the toilet I assumed that that in Pulp

Fiction right I assume he was [ __ ] because he took long enough oh yeah that's yeah that's the Pop Tarts came up

so that's a good scene yeah let's think of another really like powerful one train spotting yeah train spotting

oh I know one what but I don't think he was [ __ ] it doesn't matter good just a good bathroom all right so it was the

guy the lawyer in Jurassic Park runs to the [ __ ] P like a coward

leaves the kids there yeah and sits are trembling and then there's [ __ ] the T-Rex just oh it's a great scene they

split him up half right they split him in half yeah bit him in half yeah yeah something something about Mary such a

good bathroom scene when he Zips his uh beans over the Frank but rarely in a drama or a suspense or like a it's

always in comedy it's never in like a serious movie well because Daniel de Lewis is not going to poop on camera unless it's a vital part of the story I

would love to see Abe Lincoln poo though what what is he thinking when he's pooping three scores four scores

how many scores it depends on how many drops yeah yeah he just he like three yeah yeah four scores I mean that's how

he came up with that yeah yeah so are you good now um I'm going to go back out two days from now oh good yeah I'm going

to do two more and then I think I'm done I'm done but they um they been so nice

and caring about what's going on tour is great you've done it yeah I did it last year it was amazing you and this one

you're with Whitney and no I was on with Whitney oh she's on it now yeah I I'm not on hers I'm on another the other leg

yeah mine tour is with Soder love Soder uh Morel Sam the best yeah uh what a

crew davel King greatest yeah um big J I

said big j o he's on ochre son yep I love him he's a great guy who else um

Kelsey cook and Dan Dan yeah I mean not Dan Matt and wait why' you say yes if I

said what's his name Matt no Chad danielad Chad O Daniels yeah Chad Danel Not O Daniels I just met him so I don't

know Chad Daniels I just met him he's going to be in my new I'm gonna put his name in here he's very funny but psyo

psyo no you don't like cyphos sound psyo CER sounds as gone I can't even memorize it no you know what it's so funny

because I know he called you in Scotland yeah Dana is your name Dana no okay yeah go ahead

debie no uh it's like it's something hippie like dandelion or something

Danica dmat Denise Denise no it is Darla

no it's Denise is it Denise no it's not okay we we we'll figure out later don't

stop yeah piss so yeah um and I'm going to go back out I they assure me a bottom bunk this time you you should I would

hope yeah I refuse to get on it's not so funny if they made you go up top again and I fall fill again who's sleeping in

the back back nobody why don't you sleep back there you deserve it you busted your lip they that cuz they left yeah I

should do that you deserve that and I'd make I'd throw a f yeah I'm I'm I'm going to get back back bunk yeah yeah

yeah you you deserve back what you texting somebody I'm going to text I'm going to text B I'm back buunk yeah but

it you know you know I haven't broken a bone ever I really haven't and I've never been hurt like that as an adult so

it was sort of like I was kind of like when I was healing I was like I'm just grateful you know I mean I have you you

seem so disinterested who Carlos I'm not why you're such a piece of [ __ ] dude I

was looking at Andrew to see what he was doing we're doing multiple things at the same time it's fine I mean we are like

just talking about the same injury for 20 minutes oh great not available did you

hear what just say I heard what he said where's the pill I'm going to take it tonight oh

[ __ ] get it not good for the lip is that the boner pill yeah yeah you going to take that okay this is what happened when I was cleaning the other day if I

don't get aill at the end of this podcast I'm there's going to be another all right there's going to be another thing coming you guys you know you're I'm 52

I'm single and I want to you know I want to grow I want to Bo and guess what you

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money.com well during my pain um I was like I don't know what to do tonight cuz I'm not going up so I go

you when you I don't know what to do you go to the Hustler Store yeah everyone does generational my family my family's

always done that in pain and I go and they know me now they go hey Bob I go what's up and they you know it's like

you know cheers right what's up Norm was he there was nor there nor was there Cliff was there too and they go and you

know you know what it reminds me of you in like um trip XX or like Bond movies there's like you know what I mean come

here and they open up a thing and there's like these gadgets uhhuh yeah I have that guy there Mr Lee come on in you know what I mean and I go in there

look what we got this black market and they have all these like you know there's a new toy that I got right and I

literally kiss it when I'm done using it I literally go thank you and I kiss it I put it to bed what what's the toy

it's just a new apparatus right and it's so powerful and it's so beautiful it's a

suck machine it's beyond that it's my girlfriend how much does it her is how much did it cost they're not I I I also

I went online and I bought like four of them cuz you know what happens is you break them not just they break them they

always discontinue things and in my mind I'm like I got you know what I mean as

if it's like you know you know um it's goes out of season at some point yeah yeah like they're never going to make it like it's like those breakfast Carnation

bars in the 70s and ' 80s that I loved and they don't make them anymore so I'm afraid that they're going to um

discontinu discontinu them yeah yeah I get that I showed mcon my collection did you like it mcon I mean

I've never seen anything like it I don't know oh my god dude you're so

good add on yeah yeah he's been very you know also he snaps on me now mcon have

you noticed that yeah he gets a little added no even even when I'm running into him at the comedy store he'll

snap what does he say and and so now I know that underneath there's a resentment and he won't tell me what the

resentment is because I don't want it to get out of control we know what happens when that happens no yeah and I apologize for that I I think so what do

you remember what the snap was about I remember exactly what it was okay I took a picture of your busted lip and then

you said let me see it and then I said it's film then you got mad oh that's but that's not how we said

it can I tell you right yeah yeah let me see it he goes it's film and

whoa dude I just say it's film like what's the [ __ ] anger about I was just texting Leanne I said you got to give my boy the back buunk and what did

she say in a show with Bert call you in a few okay probably going to discuss we'll have to discuss the deal terms

though but I will act as your attorney for this thank you look I just think that given my clients's trauma yeah I

just believe it's safer and better for everybody including psychic psychop sounds yeah yeah to have you removed

from from his area no I want to see scii and I want to say about about s he's a very funny guy he's great he's Dynamic

he also DJs right yeah yeah he's got the whole thing and he really is a nice guy in fact in the more I think he was too

high and in the morning before I got shipped off to the um the makeshift Hospital the Chinese man um he was like

very apologetic and he was like I was super high I didn't know what the [ __ ] was going on that's nice and so I was

just as a joke putting him on blast you know on blast but it worked yeah but it's just as a joke and he's a nice guy

he's a bright future I'll never do anything with him right yeah I mean but I'm sure he'll pave his way yeah he's

he'll pave his way I don't know I guess so can't we only hope I hope so I hope

he has all the [ __ ] equipment to do that to physically pave like his you mean like road work stuff yeah he's his

limited days in comedy's over I'm kidding no he's very funny and

I I just met him he's super nice guy he was just super high and it was like a yeah it was a moment yeah yeah it's

funny who you know when I was in it's like who called me you did a lot yeah what the [ __ ] and you were in Scotland I

called you from Scot oh hold on Le's calling right now let's let's discuss okay but I do want to hear who called you okay hi Mis what's up hey you're on

bad friends with me and Bobby so don't don't say anything that you usually say don't say crazy [ __ ] like you usually do

okay we have to we have to be good with our our audience and I know that you're known to just say wild [ __ ] I noticed

that my client Robert Lee is injured from your tour um uh you know I'm

attorney at law and I'm not going to take legal action but I am going to um I'm going to fight for my client um okay

and you mean the operator error that happened when getting out of his own bunk oh wait it was my client's fault

yeah it was operator error okay my client tells me that the gap

between his bunk and the next bunk was significantly larger than normal buses is this not true uh I think it's about

length of arm maybe length of arm okay yeah length of but you know that your about the client how you know how his

arms are not human arms my client's arms are very much smaller than normal human arms you are aware of that I am

now yeah well moving forward uh so let's put him on a bottom bunk if you don't mind please I can do that I can make

that happen for him fair enough uh you will see no legal ramifications for this I really appreciate you and and have a wonderful day nice I can't wait to have

him back we love you than you coming too and me too I know I miss you guys and uh I'm sending him on behalf of me so I

love you guys have fun we'll talk to you soon love you guys love you bye bye you

she's the best she's the best number [ __ ] one she's number one he she's too good for him for Bert yeah no what

are you [ __ ] talking about oh he's good too he is really good too no but you see her and you go wow I get it every guy

that's with a woman that like that is always going to be worse than the woman like they're always outkicking their c

yeah you're going to end up with someone who's like your wife is way better than you yeah you're you're going to be with someone who's way better than you that's

how it goes look at fancy look at fancy above his League his wife is stunning stunning yeah look at

um that's it that's it in the room yeah that's all that's it in the room and mcon he out kicks his coverage I mean so

does caros you see anybody mcon not currently yeah how about you Carl you

just call him Carl it feels better right Carl are you

not hooking up with anybody right now or dating or anything I hooked up with someone last week I don't think it'll last I'm talking to a couple girls right

now yeah that's it yeah nothing fun it doesn't sound fun you sound a little low today it's yeah I'm not like super into

it I'm not like I'm not like uh crushing or anything like that well the summer's coming don't you want to be a little

free summer boy like a white boy summer yeah don't you want to have a little white boy summer um kind of but I'm just

more hanging out he seems low I can't wait until you find I there will be one woman that he's going to go that's it or

man it doesn't I mean yeah who knows yeah yeah exactly right well it could could it not be a guy it could be a

really handsome like cool guy no honestly can you see yourself marrying a guy be real no marrying a guy that's

illegal isn't it yeah in some places I think I no I wouldn't marry a man but

you there are guy like Henry caval like if like if Henry if Superman Henry caval

goes hey I want to Let's Get Married would you marry him yes why cuz he's so

handsome all right so that's and the rest of your life oh and you you wouldn't Henry caval or Tom Hardy or

Austin Butler I would [ __ ] one time for the story for the story you would marry no I wouldn't 100% no I would marry okay

good what's so funny what do you mean you would definitely marry no I wouldn't shut up

dude no I wouldn't yes you would I would not marry security I have security well you love the fame you would love the

fame not as famous as you you would love the fame you're famous no I'm not yeah

are and would I marry you no yes you would no would [ __ ] n if I set it up

right what if I set it up right operation

yeah no because you know what it is once you smile every wearing sex and once you

smiled we would erupt in a laughter and we wouldn't be able to finish it would be too funny who else called you while

you were hurt by the way oh here we go cuz I called you from around the [ __ ] world world yeah so you called obviously the people from you know I mean the tour

called right you know people that were close to me like my manager and stuff right but no one else from this side of

the my business really yeah none of these people did you call I texted you I

texted you you never called though cuz you never pick up my call so I texted you in this when when it comes to

Lifetime injuries yeah and and severe things you call it's a call

reply yeah but he didn't reply because this is a call time that's call only

injury call yeah injury call dude you don't you don't text I'm sorry I didn't want to nothing from Carl Carl you had

nothing nothing for Carl I don't want to bother Bob he said he call me Bob now I

I always call you Bob behind your back yeah you call Andy no you don't I've never said it you

don't call Andy big you hate Andy right yeah so gross but why because now

because we're so close now can I please be the one guy to call you Andy no I'd

rather you make up a nickname for me no I want to call you Andy make up a nickname and no yeah yeah Angie can I

call you Angie it doesn't have to be derivative of my name it can be anything yeah like you you're my dumpling my noodle I call you all sorts of stuff hot

link hot link yeah hot link yeah I'll be your hot link yeah or red hot HT hot

link I don't know I want to call you Andy HT yeah I'm going to call you hot link no Andy I want to call you Andy no

please how would he be the one guy on Earth that'd be cool and then people like I can call him that no this is reserved for me let me have the one

thing with you make him cute though make no Andy's so cool look at look at [ __ ] uh What uh piglet make call me

your little piglet that's better yeah I'm a little piglet but what what is your thing with Andy it just sounds too

childlike or yeah it sounds like CH it sounds like a kid yeah people you call me Bob I don't like that I let you do it

I when I don't often call you B you have though and I don't correct you well then I won't

anymore okay deal that's how offensive Andy is then no it it doesn't really it

doesn't bother me it just as weird I just don't it's not my name okay a nickname would make more sense for me

than that okay and Carl you don't like that no it's like no you are Carl though

you are Carl I don't like it I like it yeah yeah can we do Carl 100% yeah it's already changed yeah like there's a guy

that I know that that calls me you know because it's Cheeto he calls me cheese

and I don't like it but I do as I do like it is he a black if a black guy calls you anything yeah yeah it's going

to sound cooler than if a white guy says it right cuz I have black Comics call me Chan love that what's up Chan like Jack

Jackie yeah yeah and then like the other day I saw a post Chrissy d right they're

doing a b baby po like about like what's cuter black babies or Asian babies right and Miss Pat was the guest and she go

she like she goes to her assistant hey you're not Chinese guy I do podcast sometimes he doesn't even know my she

doesn't she doesn't even know my name I know that and she's done it my podcast so many times that's okay because it's

just on brand almost yeah but if anybody else did that I'd be so mad they that

they forgot my name she said all them Chinese babies look like Bobby Leaf yeah yeah that's Bobby Leaf that's Bobby Lee that's Bobby Lee she said very funny but

it is true bring up a bunch of Asian babies and she's right yeah yeah that's true I mean it's collectively yeah but the argument is um

which baby's cuter black babies or Chinese baby yeah what is do you think black baby it's not even close it's not

even remotely close bro bro look at the one in the hoodie dude that looks like baby Yoda right there dude dude that right there dude I will

bet on that baby over any black baby you find me I'll find you look at that baby dude that's look at that that's what

they usually look like yeah yeah it's throwing up for not cute though just give me black babies yeah

cute B black baby let's see not even close look at the first one click on the [ __ ] first one that's a 26-year old

guy yeah yeah you're right look at how good- looking that kid is yeah he's a baby he wrote a book already this

one he wrote yeah yeah he's gonna he's on tour right now with Matt R him and Matt re are opening Stadium wow oh my

God cute little black babies number one number one dude and then also when they have attitude I love it yes you I mean

mister I don't know you you mean when they do that I love it I love it you know what I mean and and it's like

you're two how do you know that attitude amazing I love it dude and the Chinese one they don't have they don't know

right did they they don't know dude no yeah yeah Chinese babies no I saw this one Asian baby she was so in touch she's

probably six years old in touch with her feelings she was basically Mom I just

want you know that you know you're the greatest and you know what I mean feel your heart right and just live in the mo

like all these [ __ ] I was like yeah at 6 dude I didn't even know the English

language no yeah you're still behind you know what I mean eating my booger I mean like I and then there these kids that

are like they they full sentences and they they're very mindful they're emotionally developed and developed

that's weird like you you weren't like that like six lunatic if I asked you at 6 years old i' go um how do you feel

about life now I was so far I was at six yeah be you be a six-year-old yeah go

ahead yeah that's why how do you feel about life so far yeah no me too yeah I

a toy toy yeah yeah yeah my dad's gone fire yeah that's it yeah yeah I put you

on fire break break break break toy break yeah yeah that's exactly what it is yeah that's it ruin break destroy

when did I even learn to even put a thought together probably 12 mid 20s oh

yeah yeah yeah yeah like a real thought maybe in my like why am I here well that one is yeah that one yeah that'll get me

maybe mid maybe teens I started to think about stuff before I was a teenager I didn't think about [ __ ] he just living

yeah just kind of going about your [ __ ] I remember when I thought why am I here I was and I know the guy's name I

was at painted Rock Elementary School MH we were playing softball right I was running from first

base to second base and you know what I mean kick me in the

nut sack why I don't know why I don't like that and I fell to the ground and I remember it was so much pain and I

always I remember also thinking wow my nuts are so small he hit it right on so he he was a sniper right and I

remember going why am I here yeah what's the purpose of like what's the point of this this is ridiculous what's that

that's painted rock yeah that's I lived literally 5 minutes from there painted rock that's amazing that they have that

on the Internet it's everything yeah they have everything yeah yeah you forget I guess

sometimes when I go to Powe I'll drive by my house you drive by your old place yeah I drive by it and it just it

instantly puts me back what do you do you smell something do you what is it what's the take what's the moment that

brings you back like what's the Thought or what's the emotion I think of my dad I think you

know mainly like the way your dad talked or sounded I mean because you know I you know I talk about my life as it was kind

of grim but there were pockets of joy and there were pockets of good you know memories with him you know and my mom

you know was your best memory with your dad my dad my mom would yell at him like you don't ever to ATT him to no nothing

you don't ever take nothing nothing like he was not one of those guys that's like you know let's go to the ball game or you know what I mean let me talk teach

you how to do this yeah so one day he didn't know what to do so he like just

put me in his car and he didn't know where to go so he's just kind of driving around and I just knew this as a kid

instinctually I go this fool doesn't even know where to go you we're supposed to Father Sunday you know what I mean

and he just went to some like generic park with a bench he goes I guess you

know the family come here yeah right right we get out and we just sit on this

bench right and I remember this because he yelled at me later because I I I forgot my jacket there yeah but I

remember being on that and this is why what's it why you smiling I'm listening to a dad so in my mind I'm like this is

Reas the reason why I remember this is because it was so it was such an anomaly

right yeah and I sat there we didn't talk but I just remember thinking go

he's trying it's really nice it was nice but then later he like where the Chet

you know mean hit me I think you know what I mean but I just remember that day though was nice I like those moments

yeah yeah do you smell do you do you remember how it smelled in the house yeah I do do you know what I mean when

you remember how a house used to smell it smelled like kimchi the whole time yeah I remember having to tell people

you know what I mean get a load of this prepare yourself for this smell right and then cuz our my house always smelled

now when you're in it and you're like during the summer you don't smell it but then when you go to school and then you

come back you smell like regular you know I mean like a classroom right and then always when you came in go oh yeah

here it is you know what I mean it's like dead you whale [ __ ] that's what it smell like dead

whale wh [ __ ] yeah what do white people's houses smell like when you were a I love it when you went to a white house there's a little bit of moth like

what the cotton um moth balls yeah there's a hint of moth balls I don't know I always smell a hint of coffee

yeah well we're always drinking coffee yeah a hint of coffee and then it's always like um and I didn't know the

word for it back then baloney soap no oh my God pumpkin spice there was always a

little pumpkin spice like a hint of that kind of like it's a nutmeggy nutmeggy like you know what I mean like fall

smell which I love it here another smell that you hear and because I'm a connoisseur of white smells M I don't

know if you know that no I've been in many White House big with the whites I've spent the night there you know what I mean and there's a little bit of

leather yeah and you know where the leather's from a baseball mitt usually we got we leave those around the house

do you really I have one in every room yeah yeah yeah Morgan I'm

driving my B Bobby are you okay no well let me call Morgan and Morgan okay you

know why if you're ever injured you can check out Morgan and Morgan because Morgan and Morgan makes things simple

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this a paid advertisement I always smell that and

and and I I always talk about it when I did NAA yeah College the the college

thing yeah you know I you know one night I was in Indiana and they're like you have to spend the night at these old people's house in the addict for one

night and then you could to take the Greyhound bus to the next thing right so I remember and they're like lights out

at 9: right and it's no it's the Dena winter and it's cold as [ __ ] and they

gave me a thin like you know one that they [ __ ] knitted mhm one of those blankets so it's like itchy yeah so I'm

in this attic like this creaking right and I'm like oh there's no way I'm going to sleep there's [ __ ] no way I'm

going to sleep right but I remember going let's analyze the smells what's in

there I all the things I told you about yeah and that's how I'm an expert leather yeah leather stands out are you

an expert of smells of people's houses no but I do walk into something people's houses do not like the way it smells

sometimes yeah okay so let's say I'm Armenian what would you smell do you think I'm not coming

over really no not even to play chess no of course I'm coming over yeah yeah yeah no it's smells like cologne a lot of it

a lot of it yeah so much that it's I can't I'm a little I can't breathe I'm stuffy I get stuffy right I get stuffy

but what's let me ask you something pal Andy I if I may go ahead right what

would be the perfect smell in the house if I walked in laundry Mexicans Mexicans laundry best smelling

houses their houses always smell laundry way too much though doesn't matter why do they use so much I love it I use a

lot because of them I they inspire me yeah yeah yeah I over dump I I over dump I yeah I smell my [ __ ] but that's why

cuz I want to smell my shirt four days later and it still smells like laundry dude it's they figure that out they just

overuse I think they and it's a good thing yeah yeah it that's cultural yeah I love how they refried the bean that's

yeah yeah I mean they clever they're clever in that way if they're going to fry the bean twice they're going to put in two Tide Pods that's that's that's

the exact dude that dude the thinking behind it right might as well do twice huh two times the concent that bottle

right there it looks like that black people love that to drink right y'all got anything in the

fridge yeah we got fabuloso hey we got uh that's sounds

like Coca-Cola classic uh orange juice [Laughter]

fabuloso holy that just gives you diabetes once you drink it I think fabuloso gives you die you die you die

that's insane that stuff yeah so I want to talk about another thing that and I don't know what to do I'm at my last I'm

at my last your last gas yeah and um and there's nothing I can do but you know I

you know I spent some money to interior design my house so I have brand new funer furniture at my house it looks

quiet it looks like I move movie my house but I can't sit on any of the furniture because of Ming what's going

on my cat Ming decided I don't like this furniture so I'm just going to pee on

every bit of the furniture oh my God so she goes to every piece of furniture and just pisses on it right so then I go

online I go okay like the spray you know what I mean like you know I mean the anti she loves it she thinks it's like

oh PE more you know what I mean like it's almost like you I should pee here where

the spray is right and we went to the hospital you know what I mean everything's fine right and I just don't

know what to do so it's just like and I talk to Ming every night I go yo dog it's like bro it's like I really do have

these conv what if you keep Ming in one of your rooms that like why no cuz I don't I want my cats to be free as well

but I mean does she do this when you're home or when you're not home usually when I'm not home well that's right so when you're not home keep her in a room

where she's learns her lesson right but then when I'm sleeping I don't want to

no she won't do it I don't yeah I can't do it you got to coach her through it really right though I mean you do that

with dogs you got to train the cat the cats are smarter than dogs but she's 12 she knows what she's doing she just

started doing it I cuz she's because she doesn't like your [ __ ] taste she has she doesn't like it yeah like you know I

don't like modern yeah what she's doing she's more of a contemporary oh I see that's what it is no I think what it is

is because um during the construction we had so many people over oh she does like that it stressed her out well that yeah

you shouldn't have done that that pissed her off yeah I know but anyway you spent the fortune and all that furniture it's all [ __ ] up yeah but still it's still

worth keeping a cat my cat I love her so much well yeah I'm not saying get rid of the cat yeah but you know I um I do look

at her and I go why why yeah yeah it was so nice to come home and see my dog yeah

what was he like she freaking out freaking the [ __ ] out PID a lot she PES

a lot when she sees me when I come home off a road trip I have to greet her outside cuz she pisses everywhere she

keeps pissing she piss on you she pisses on everything she just pisses cuz she's so excited yeah she pisses they call it

ping or codling or whatever yeah but honestly dude she just keeps pissing and she'll roll over on her back and I'll

scratch her she likes bellies and she'll just be pissing in the [ __ ] all over the place inside the house that's why I

greet her outside I whenever I come home from a road trip yeah like a like a like a show or tour yeah I keep I put my

suitcases aside I open the door and I let her run out and greet me outside because she pisses everywhere wow and

it's got to be weird for someone walking by like look at that that's so cute and it's just me smiling scratching dog and piss all over the place wow she usually

pisses all over my clothes when I come home she does she's just excited she loves you so much it's hilarious how much she freaks out and then she'll lay

on her stom on her back waiting for me to keep bellying her but I don't want to keep doing it because I'm pressing on her stomach so then she'll pee

more that that brings me to this question yes I I lick it off or no what

is that yeah do you eat it drink no um no um so I'm dating a

vegetarian oh no what is it well what so now she's bringing up you know an e yeah

you're such an animal lover you I mean why can't you you know apply the same thing with dogs and cats to the cows and

chickens right and I no stop no well I know and I and and she makes complete

sense to me because you know whenever I'm eating meat you you go on denial you know you think it's just that no know

that it's a part of a you know I mean a living thing right so it's like but what did it look like when it was alive right

bring up a chicken I mean no I'm serious this is the my point

yeah no I got no problem eating that yeah I got zero problem yeah okay the chicken yeah chicken okay fine just eat

chicken and fish right right right but then what about cows cow I mean look I could I I get I get

the argument for cows you do yeah cows are cute but chicken so cute look at

that cow dude oh my God so cute imagine how good that thing tastes I know Pig what about Pig I we shouldn't be eating

pigs at all cuz they're so [ __ ] bad for you I mean so shitty for you right so P oh you and I are Muslim we

shouldn't be we and so Muslim well and also they're very smart right aren't pigs really intelligent yeah they are I

could stop eating pigs and beef I could but chicken it's like [ __ ] that dumb bird I'm eating that stupid [ __ ]

thing but it still have feelings the chicken yeah I doubt it you ever talk to

one I know they don't they have no idea it has to have feelings it has to have nerves I don't know look at that guy

dude no that's a chick not a chicken oh so you wouldn't eat her I won't eat the baby cute I'll eat the adults right yeah

I'll [ __ ] up an adult yeah I'm not eating a baby can we do like an age thing yeah what's the what like you know

like how long do chickens live for generally let's guess before you I

would say three four years no I would say 12 they last a long time I don't know 12 Years A freck five to 10 okay

we're both wrong split the difference yeah yeah so at age eight yeah they're edible by eight

midlife midlife you know what I mean what do you think I'm eating it at midlife yeah yeah yeah is it as good

though no well you think at the younger it's better gross fany [ __ ]

disgusting gross to even saying yeah but have you ever thought about that or no I've gone veg vegan to me is out of

control for I can't but I've gone veg two times I've tried this I've done it for month a month or two stretch and uh

I didn't like the way I felt I felt really tired so I probably needed supplemental protein that I wasn't

getting and I couldn't eat more [ __ ] beans I just couldn't do it so I've tried it I think the thing I could get

away with is pescat I could get away with Just Fish cuz fish I love yeah if I

can eat [ __ ] from the sea it's okay to eat fish cuz they don't have any

feeling it's okay to eat fish that song cuz they don't have no that's a song

yeah Nirvana what song is that something something in the way it's okay to eat fish cuz they don't

have any feeling is that the line yeah it's okay to fish because they don't have any feelings yeah you know they probably do that's what I'm

saying I think K copain was being sarcastic okay what about a what about a plant they don't have feeling how do you

know that cuz they're just like you know what I mean but they have vibrations oh yeah what yeah or like mushrooms they're

connected they communicate correct that's what I'm saying fungi oh my god let's just what we going to die what should we eat soy isn't soy does soy

have feelings yeah soy is a bean it's a plant they're all connected [ __ ] dude let's just drink

[Laughter] water does hydrogen have feelings yeah

so are you thinking about it is that why this there's no it's just it's a philosophical I you know thought that comes up I I I um as time goes on it it

it becomes harder to do there's a certain level of hypocrisy that we're able to just bank and accept and you

have to judge your hypocrisy levels yeah like your phone this is made by [ __ ]

slave kids why are you cool with this I know dude why' you even say that man

bring day dude this is just this is a testament to you got to pick what you're

okay with so if you're okay with consuming animals sometimes that's true you got to pick or there can be just a

completely different Revelation and revolution in our minds and then we just stop all of it well go veg then I want

you to try it try it for a week go to the Earth and just we just mine our own food make our own food you know what I

mean no electricity we just go back to the old days yeah it's just yeah who's going to stitch your lip when you fall

out of a bunk bed yeah let's yeah yeah you're right I need you need it yeah you need to we need future I just yeah I

know it's hard well what are you getting pressure to switch no I'm not getting pressure but it's like interesting like because we went to

a um hope yeah and you ever been there no but I've seen it a million times yeah

um you know who told me about it was the Englishman what's his name um talk show host um oh James Cordon yeah Cordon told

me you've got got a hope yeah you got to go hope when he he produced a show I was on and we were talking about my area

where I lived and he was like you got to go to Hope is he vegetarian I think so but when we when I go there I'm always

going oh this is good yeah it's good food yeah of course of course it is yeah this is lying to yourself for a

girl I this I'm worried well it's not going to he's not going to he's not he's

going to keep eating meat yeah you going to give up bulgogi besta oh [ __ ] why'd you say that son I know what I know what

gets you horny I love bulog dog you going to give that up you're going to give up Korean barbecue that's like your wetest adventure sh dick

brah yeah you're right man can't I can't do it no yeah I'm just going to I'm just

a hypocrite you're you're you're allowed to we're hypocrites no it's not we're lie we lie we live in

a lie but it's not hypocritical to eat meat it's hypocritical to tell other people not to

eat meat and then you do it but you don't do that right you don't say [ __ ] to other people people make their choices yeah when you know when your

vegetarian I I go enjoy wonderful no judgment but they don't do it back well

they judge us they they look at us and they go vegetarians to meat eaters are the way that San Francisco is to Los

Angeles sometimes where they're but I they're like la oh yeah ex and we're all

like I love San Francisco and they're like oh really and also I have my car window in

place yeah you know what I mean nobody it's not smashed in nobody's pooping in my car right now yeah I'm going up there

this weekend Oh you doing cobs yeah I'm so excited I love San Francisco yeah me too

I have so much fun every time I go we never did we never did our show in San Francisco huh uh did we not no we bad

friends never went to San Francisco oh well then we should do we should do let's just do one off let's do one San Francisco one I'm so down let's do it

cuz I love it up that'll be fun um what's this new can I tell you something before we do move yeah I will say this

yeah had a great time in Scotland oh yeah tell me tell me about your adventures it was amazing I had a

wonderful time people are great the food is and I mean this with

every ounce of my heart great the worst Food I've ever had in my life yeah it was unfuck real you could be a

vegetarian there cuz you can't eat let me guess a lot of potatoes no dude it's just it's okay when when you get meat

and somebody told me I don't know if this is true but because a mad cow disease maybe swept through there years ago and that was a popularity they cook

meat to a it's not even [ __ ] it's burnt to a place where you're like is

this a character from a Batman movie would eat it [ __ ] am I eating what

are you talking about no it looks all CR it looks oh right right right it looks like the it looks like two faces did you

ever see this you know that new uh Matt Reeves Batman yeah with

okay this is amazing so they cut out a joker scene did you know that no right

where um what's this Barry um kogan Barry Keegan or yeah yeah it's [ __ ]

amazing and that and the Joker's face in it looks like the meat from Scotland

yeah yeah so try to Google what he looks like in the um the deleted scene yeah

did there at the end go toward the end of the scene right while he's leaving why is

leaving right right there right there right there that's perfect is that what the meat looks like 100% that's

theat that's the meat that's the meat in Scotland that's the meat in Scotland when you go home watch that SC and that looks a little bit more tender than the

meat in Scotland oh really but I think it was just it was just the food was just [ __ ] unbearable we had fish and

chips like seven times and so okay but it must be that must be the best fish

and chips you've ever had no of course I love fish and chips I know but we do it we do there's long joh get it anywhere

get and then they had haggus I had haggus for the first time what's what is it go to eat haggus what's haggus eat

your haggus it's [ __ ] gross it actually tastes good but it's [ __ ] gross it's ground up uh uh organs go up

to the description I think it's organ meat ground up and spiced and flavored zoom in there it's a Savory pudding

containing sheep's pluck minced with chopped onion oatmeal yeah it's like minced meat yuck encased

in the animal stomach artificial c yeah uh haggas there's no noou there yeah I asked that was the first thing I said

when we landed in Edinburgh I said where's noou because in in when I was in uh Hungary Budapest all I every night I

ate the noou you just knew you were going to get a good meal the meals were just weird and the you know it's just

was not what I wanted you couldn't get uh couldn't get a good oldfashioned BL

go to France yeah next time no that's good where's where where's the good European cities to get food France all

of them Italy London Spain London everywhere right maybe not Eastern

European you know no I'd love are you kidding me I love some uh um some uh uh

uh uh what am I thinking of I have no idea what you're saying I went to Czech rep Prague Prague had great food you

went to Prague yeah wow yeah it's delicious yeah why do you think the

women over there are so beautiful the Eastern European women are the prettiest women on the the planet I know aren't they for some

reason they're like the prettiest women women on the planet yeah you can tell their daughters when they're American then you they'll be hot oh cuz when they

come over here it's like there's something off like whenever there's a hot girl on hinge and it says Ukraine it's like okay that doesn't count you

don't support Ukraine no I just not going to car what the [ __ ] are you talking about come on Carl right now

explain yourself yeah you're saying what you're say when you have a girl she's super hot and then you see oh she's not American it's a whole thing with her why

what is that what is it it's like because she has ptsc from the war no it's like they'll like think you're cool

like you need the American that that's why you need the American

mind you need to be validated by the that affects the hotness yeah only like Italy or Spain but if it's like Bulgaria

or something it's like I'm not [ __ ] with that it could be like a sex trafficking thing too you never know could it be yeah what the [ __ ] are you

talking about well if it's just a girl from there that's coming here to you're talking what which website yeah yeah yeah what do you yeah yeah you you you

keep showing me this I would oh like you don't know what's her name what's her name me yeah Dugan Degan Degan what is

it uh uh just tell me D Delaney Delaney Delaney Delaney Delaney I'll remember

that now because there was an old bar on Santa Monica Boulevard called Delany and I think it's closed look at that's

closed sorry about that you're bad I've been bad all day I'm so tired I'm still on jet lag I'm so

[ __ ] up still where's my pill dude Rhino yeah get him his Rhino pill do you not want to be on camera handing him

yeah just throw it on the table here no you're the No No keep the change yeah you keep the change that's how it goes you keep the change that's how it works

that's how it works Delany Delany Delan that's how it that's how it works you keep the change he spend she kept it oh

fired she didn't just keep it we'll take it and let's roll okay hold on late

mly thank you for being a bad friend [Music]

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