Immortal Kombat | Ep 64 | Bad Friends

hey bad friends uh bob is not on the road right now but i am go to andrewsantino.com for dates

andrewsantino.com for them tour dates i'm gonna be in atlantic city at the end of the month then i go to

houston and madison and boston and nashville and we're adding dates as we go be on

the lookout but go to androsantino.com for tickets you two are bad friends who

are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two

are oh you disgusting or something we're bad friends you know the comedy store is

opening they call you they call they send me text messages and phone calls yeah they're opening up i'm not coming back next week i'm not

coming back why aren't you until after the panda after i come back from europe right well

because you want to go to right that's why i haven't written anything in a year i have not written anything

a year i don't think [Laughter] that was a good one it's a good real

good one it's a good joke you're in a bad mood no i'm not a bad i can tell you know what you get more i can tell it's in

your eyes and your cheeks be honest what's going on are you annoyed that we're late no not

actually i wasn't i didn't even did i mention it and i'm annoyed that she's yawning so what's going on

people couldn't stop asking about rudy at the show i'm not i'm not i'm literally not making

that up yeah yeah i'm not i'm not no that has nothing to do with what my i'm not saying i'm in a bad mood how many people do you think

we're in the room now how many people were asking about rudy if i'm being genuine after the show i took some questions out of

the show yeah yeah 13 people every single show what's rudy gonna do what's are you guys

gonna get rudy gone who's gonna fill in yeah yeah oh everybody asked and i said it's none of

your business we'll figure it out how we have to figure it out it's so funny because today we have we had dinner for the first time at a restaurant and um kalai lemon

which one jinya oh i love jinya ramen no not ramen no hamburgers do you have

offshoot hamburger oh they did yeah cheese were delicious wow yeah they put some umami sauce on it

cheeseburger yeah it's delicious actually the time the ramen plate the ramen was good was it good yeah but anyway who um can i

finish my story a bad mood shoots a bad mood i'm not in a bed how am i in a bad mood hey i could deal with your eyes

i could tell with your eyes what's going on you to sleep well you know me well i know what's going on i haven't been

getting any sleep yeah you'd look tired and just like on the edge i'm having night sweats

oh and i think it's because of the vaccine i'm being serious night sweats night sweats that's nice i

looked it up it's part of it oh night sweats and one of my testicles disappears into my body in the middle of the night it'll go

up into my body that's happened to me and i'll have to go i know that happened to me all my life it just disappears it's just

gone it's never been there which one right or left both of them are just tucked inside my [ __ ] dick do you know how they feel like they're on strings i feel like

it just crawls up the string at night and yeah let's go sometimes yeah but it feels so strange in my body

too many how many wrinkles do you have on my nuts yeah it's the it's i mean it's my nose just so wrinkled like you can't i can't count

how could you i counted 962. 362. yeah mine looks like a brain it's just like yeah it's just

rolls up like see yeah it's see mine's like uh is your stretchy i call

it dune because there's like a little jagged sneeze snakes you're that little monster

a little snake comes out yeah no too many people asked about you that's all i want to say it was annoying

and and then everyone was like tell us what school she's going to go to and it's i said we're going to reveal it

on the show yeah yeah just wait till we get to we're going to reveal it do you want to reveal it we haven't decided yet yet anyway so we

were at the restaurant can i finish my junior story or what yeah thank you bad mood um i'm not in a bad mood

i can tell already i love it andres am i in a bad mood absolutely yeah yeah yeah go ahead

so um we're at junior and kalella goes you know what um juliana that's her real name yeah

rudy rudy rudy juliana yeah rudy juliana um you should have a waiting job and i go

please oh that'd be cool i'll tell you why i'll tell you why because you have you waited tables dude

i've done overview i did busing i did serving i did hosting i did dishwashing yeah you i didn't get slammed right yeah

for like an eight-hour shift i mean you're just you know especially at a busy restaurant yeah you get a

section right yeah as a waiter yeah and it's like ketchup here tabasco here i got an order coming up here

i said no tomato they want their check and you're running around in a circle for eight hours like losing

like a mania yeah what the [ __ ] what the [ __ ] i mean and then at the end of the day you get

90 maybe maybe maybe yeah right this ungrateful little i i don't

right she she but you sit here you yawn yeah right you say three things like i

agree tito andrew or whatever yeah and then sometimes i don't know where she'll go the jews then you're like whoa oh crazy

what too far but my point is is that i want her to have a waiting job yeah you need one so

that she can just realize how lucky she is how lucky she is all right well let's do it right now i'm a customer we might my husband and i

just sat down to eat yeah why don't you serve us yet hello hello hi do you have any specials yes we

have the apple cider salad oh you love apple cider vinegar

yeah i love how they pigment you eat the lettuce they dip it right they dip it in the

lettuce that the apple cider yeah there's not like 24 hours there it is delicious is that a real

salad that's an autumn chopped apple cider salad yeah yeah what else do you have a salad for

uh we have the carnitas carnitas i love carnitas what does that

come with tacos oh so you get you get tired you

get tacos with the carnitas what kind of taco so do you get carnitas just a plate of carnitas and then two things you get tacos

and carnitas wow wow all right what's how much is that

we'll split the apple cider salad and then we'll also split the carnitas on the tacos anything else on the uh special special

menu uh do you want drinks yeah what do you have what do you have to offer we're not really into

we're a couple obviously clearly yeah and him i like gays

what she said i like gays and you know what that's so we're fine with that you're

lucky we're fine with you yeah but generally you shouldn't say that if you were a black couple right you you shouldn't say i love

blacks right even if you do and that's fine that you do but you just don't go i like blacks and internally you can feel that right

to outwardly say that right we're cool with the gay comment though more fun how can i show that i like you

just be nice to us just be nice and because we're normal we're just regular people yeah right so um don't treat us any

different so you have we ordered those two things so in terms of drinks we're not into sugar right now we're not

on a sugar cutting sugar right out of our diet and so whatever well it said well we want to fancy it up because this is

what is this restaurant called again this is uh what was the menu oh yeah what was it um

[Music] i love tokyo this is a chain right yeah yeah yeah great change yeah it started

in el paso there was two in el paso and then one in albuquerque and then i think that's why they came here where we are

in southern california delicious well so here at tottatinoanis do you have anything else to drink that wouldn't be water yeah

um we have something similar to water which which is what which is what um um

spraying water oh spring water spring water here how fancy that's cool

we do like really we love spring we'll take a bucket of that we'll take a bucket of [ __ ] spring water please yeah okay

and yeah do you have any desserts yeah actually we might we like to order dessert when we're ordering the whole meal yeah

because they like it on the table to look at what's coming what's coming to give us a reward yeah we just have

chocolate pot pie a chocolate pot pie perfect perfect so

um so it just seems like a lot of sugar we are cutting out we're cutting out sugar but desserts are

full of sugars well we've been to plenty of restaurants that don't have sugar desserts

i mean something like you have anything lighter than a chocolate pot pie oh yeah and what's in the chocolate is

it let me ask you can i ask you a question chocolate is it a chicken pot pie so it's basically the

crust of a pie of a pie inside it's just pure chocolate chocolate melted chocolate the chef will give you

a surprise and put potatoes and oh yeah like they do that winning combination of

potatoes and chocolate that everybody strives for yeah yeah potato chocolate okay

well listen listen that's fine do you have something lighter because yeah take a look he's not but i'm on a diet and i'd like

to shed some pounds and that's why he agreed to do the sugar thing with me which was sweet well i mean just because you like gays um he's

literally the the bottom yeah i mean he's the bottom so he doesn't really need to lose the weight

we like to call it the first layer i'm the first lady i'm the first layer so i i just would like to lose a little bit of weight okay

so what else do you have that's lighter dessert wise salad ice cream ah salad ice cream just salad with ice

cream on top yeah what flavor ice cream is on top yeah strawberry strawberry salad

it's like it's let me ask you this so it's a lettuce cup and you scoop ice cream into it yeah it

tastes good you know there it is there's that salad ice cream that you like so much so much well okay i guess we'll take those items

items okay and now we're done we're done now okay ready and can we have the check please

here you go ah thank you very much whoa what

excuse me 425 well how how could we have we got literally a salad carnitas tacos

yeah we got the and the ice cream salad the spring water is oh oh here we go you ordered a bucket yeah

we did yeah of spring water so [ __ ] uh let me ask you so a bucket of spring water at this

restaurant it's pretty is that 129 30 135 55. 135 wow i guess and where's this water

from from mount everest oh that explains wow

that explains it i wish you told us that up front we probably don't know what the regular water maybe you said you

wanted fancy we did want fancy yeah it just okay i don't the one thing i don't like on here you know sometimes servers will sign

their name they'll write like thanks margot with like a heart in it right yeah this one says thanks you gays

i know why i try to re-pass that but look yeah it's fine that you feel that way and that you're cool with us but

you know listen we i'll be honest with you we're not we just didn't realize the tea of tijuana was it to to tell you what

you wanted to this is so expensive and we only have four hundred and thirty

dollars yeah yeah so we're gonna we're gonna leave you whatever the tip

whatever the la just whatever changes left over is that okay is it okay it's fine i support gays

just you know what can i talk to your manager honey honey honey honey honey i want to talk to your

buddy no because we know the third time she said that i don't let's call let's not talk to the manager we'll just

call corporate okay that's fine we'll call corporate uh i just want to say something sweetie oh sweetie yeah you just you crossed the

line that's the first time the first time right was okay we were gonna let that pass

then you threw one in there you know in the middle of the middle of everything right and now to add a third one is offensive

not necessarily i was just saying it's fine no let's talk to the manager let's talk to the manager please ah here he is now

there she is there is there here's the manager now oh there he is any problems yeah yeah your

waiter mentioned you know we we we mentioned that we were a gay couple oh and she was the poor guys in this

restaurant we understand we know that it comes from the top it comes from the top i know you can

feel it trickle down trickle trickle down racism yeah all right so sir

she multiple times during our meal had mentioned that she liked gays which we understand that's a cool that's

fine we like that but i don't think she needs to bring up our sexuality during the dinner also because i just was a side note why

is spring water 125 that should have been my first question yeah that should have been it comes from mont everest

well i guess that's that i guess that's that makes sense anyway so and then so she threw in a gay bomb yummy in the

middle three times three times the third one was a little offensive oh i'm so sorry rudy jules can i talk to you for a

second okay you don't tell them that you like them you just like smile and that's it that's right but you said

to express love yeah but uh with a smile you know good service

that's it okay okay okay is there a is there like a gay discount that you guys might have to make up for some of

the what you just did like do we we do have a gay discount 20 off if you can prove that you're gay you

know what you can i just say something if you can prove you want us to prove that we're gay

can you imagine this restaurant can you imagine this restaurant you have to prove your by the way i imagine a restaurant a couple walking a couple

sitting down enjoy and rudy comes up and just goes i love gays yeah no we're something we do a lot of

gay stuff and i just feel like that whole scene we don't do a lot of gay stuff we do we're always a gay couple we're always

[ __ ] right and we're always doing something this is a fantasy i understand that but let's you know can we be something else like

hermaphrodites or sure fine or what isn't her from raphael you're born with both genitalia

let's just do that okay let's try that but not right now because

we already did this scene what if we're like the next i know but the next scene okay the problem will not be gay okay good luck yeah we're we're brothers

but we both happen to be hermaphrodites and sometimes we kiss yeah sometimes but that's just you know

either family that's a family stuff that's right yeah yeah yeah that's like to say goodbye yeah we [ __ ] kiss but that

that's family that's family stuff that makes sense but for us to always say that we're gay i just feel like we don't want to

stretch our lives it's not that it's not that it's just because we're two guys that host this

and rudy jules is the resident queen of the pod here yeah when we're in a relationship

on the uh but why aren't we pirates ah you know i mean because we're gay guys oh yeah that's right

look at this by the way look at look at what uh look at what gaps gaps is brought up on the screen yeah um i honestly um

you i look like a girl that just is a no you look [ __ ] yeah you look

like somebody that like um i'm a let's i'm a heroin dealer i'm in a small town

right somewhere in massachusetts right and you look like somebody just says i just don't have the money [Laughter]

right and i'm like you know i mean what are we going to do about it and i'm like you know i need to get

something out of it that kind of a situation like well what do you want and then you you propose something that's like out of

control like i'll i'll stick gerbils in my vagina right right and i'm like i didn't offer

that but i did yeah yeah so can i have the yes i'll throw i need the h bad

yeah this actually these two girls go out together these two girls go out and party at night if you were a drug addict what

um what drug would i be no no but like like if you and i were on crack what is your line what do you mean we're

like we're street people yeah you and i are three people right right we're living under our tent yeah

under bridge under the freeway on the freeway yeah we we need heroin eight hours a day

every eight hours we need it yeah our kick we gotta get our fix oh we start going to detox right right so what are you willing to

honestly though what would you be willing to do kill you would i don't want to do something would you suck dick

or kill i don't want to do sex favors i'll i'd rather be the murderer you i know you're not killing anybody i'm

not killing no no no no you're too much of a sweet boy i'm stabbing for sure for heroin but then you go to prison i know but

it's better that well and then i'll have to smoke there so it's like i'll get over it at some point yeah yeah i don't want it i

just don't want to do oh my god that's rudy as a duty oh my god wow car there's carlos

centilius he's one of the members of the band yeah rudy look at what you look like as a

dude why do you look like a mexican guy you look like what we have gilbert you look like gilbert

yeah a little bit yeah i think you look like a mexican guy there yeah wow let me ask you something last night

um we were watching the fights yeah yeah we did but there were there were many nights ago

two weeks ago a couple weeks ago three weeks ago okay yeah and you're watching the fights

we're only watching the fights and um i kind of got to fight with the

people in the house because let me just say this i got slapped in the face by the way who hit you in the face like backhanded

my face hard she she was gonna go really hard but she kind of

held back a little bit but i could tell but there was an anger you saw it right yeah yeah yeah and it's because um

you know rose nami yunus fought wayley yeah the chinese one correct right love

chinese people yeah i'm asian stop asian hate i'm not doing it okay go ahead but i was um rooting for rose

why because rose does things that she seems like she does the impossible

like um when she beat johanna young and jay check the first time right it was it was there's no in in

your mind you would she was never going to beat her right i mean because johanna was just

tearing through that division and um you know johanna fought not johanna rose

fought people like paige van sant and people that were even in the sim in the same category category yeah

johanna was the queen of the strawweight division right on beat her yep knocked her out yeah in the

first round and so in this one it's like you know here we have waylee who's like this buff monstrosity jacked jacked

right so she's you know you just think that her work ethic is probably out the window you know i mean

right and and rose is you know obviously not the betting favorite you know she

people think she's gonna lose and she was able to knock her out in the first round with

the kick you see that kick it was pretty it was pretty amazing it was incredible right kicks to the face

oh my god she falls over she gets she loses whaley and i yeah you know i go you know i'm a poor

woman you love it i'm a poor winner you are a poor you're a poor loser you're a you're just as poor of a winner as you

are losing i'm a poor in everything you're poor yeah yeah yeah yeah i went

you know you're rubbing it in yeah and i i think i i did a you know i mean i did a [ __ ]

dance move like a swirl yeah yeah you know what i mean and i i told you

and i went crazy i told you i joined it yeah yeah yeah and yeah you know i in their face i went to

people's faces yeah you know went crazy right and then she just went

pep in my head good and she goes and she goes you know are you white are you white

yeah because i supported the white one ah you know what i mean like in a situation

a lot of whites now when she said that right i go maybe i am yeah maybe you are

no no but am i a little why well because you support a

lot of whites yeah but it's like why do i have to as an american citizen as an american citizen why can't i

choose whoever you want yeah why can't i root for the american i'm an american you can

right but i freak because i'm an asian i have to vote i have to root for the [ __ ] china china it should be your angle

yeah you should you should just want to go with the asians right so what i'm saying for like if you're watching a sport i

have to root for conor mcgregor i don't have a choice you do every time i had to

i don't know even when i thought i shouldn't no really because it's like a thing you're like ah it's a pride for a country a little bit

that's why they waved the flags at every ufc event they always have their flags there yeah it's just it's like you're supposed

to a little bit huh i i don't know why i don't like it but it's like something inside you was like

i guess i should root for my own squad yeah you know what i mean if it's racist if it's like if it's like

all about the race of it but if it's about the nationality um then you kind of got to root for your national team i mean

you're american but like but like what but you know you're you're also asian

like i'm i'm american but i'm also irish so like you know yeah i got it you're italian i'm both but

yeah but there's no italian who what are the ufc italian fighters that i'm rooting for i i want to live in a world where that's not a

factor i would love that to put put your hand down i would love that don't do that i would love that

[ __ ] you but that's not possible i know you're talking about utopian society yeah i think can't we because let me

just say what are you a liberal no what are you a libby cuck listen snowflake that's why i loved star trek

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star trek lived in a world where you know everybody people people don't people on planet or there's no more money anymore right

right and people just try to strive to better themselves but you love money just listen to what

i'm saying okay i know and maybe these are aspects that i hate about myself correct so just listen to what i'm saying right okay go ahead so

it's like you know um you know in that world you know we're our old objective is to explore to grow

and um to discover things about within ourselves and also on the outside

right but who's paying for the gas for the spaceship just the planet earth right and i don't

think it runs on gas what does it run on you think there's a gas station up there there's gotta be in the romulan [ __ ] well well what

what what force does it run on hope no no it probably no dilithium crystals

who gets who's mining the dilithium crystals aha uh mexicans for sure mexicans

yeah even in outer space in space yeah you're right you're trying to get to a point yes you're right yeah but i just want to get

to a point where it's like you know i understand what you're saying i don't think you do no i do i think you're saying that you you wish that stuff didn't mean as dean

mean mean as much as it does no there's also a sense of guilt of like you know am i not supportive of other like when i'm i'm

not when asians get beat up on the streets it's offensive to me of to me sure and i want to fight that

right and maybe and maybe if it was happening to another you know ethnicity it would still be

appalling to me but not as appalling yeah well it's not going to affect you unless it literally so that you know

that you know but i still would be you know i mean it would affect me still you know but um you know i just find it interesting that

it's like you know i can't you know support a white person you can

but then i get backlash but you do it privately within myself right you do it so when so publicly so when whaley got

knocked down correct i should have went oh oh

what that no of thing that's so bad wow yeah okay you have to celebrate uh

uh you have to celebrate internally who did you support did you like the fights rude yeah i liked it

you liked fighting everyone when whaley got defeated everyone was sad except he

to bobby that's why i got really mad what did i do what did i do you were screaming and jumping yeah and

then kyle said that rose said something racist too what did she say oh before all right

here we go so what she said her i guess her great her grandfather was um lithuanian

okay and died by from the communists that's terrible you fell off a tower what did the communists push him off a

tower i get yeah like game of thrones cool yeah it's a cool way to go and then his you know i mean his her

grandfather fell off the tower and became a war

and you know we could fly with through a crow yeah yeah pretty cool that's funny that's kind of cool but no um

she was like i want to defeat communism oh that oh oh yeah it was about better

that was her like thing to get behind i'm sure yeah i mean but it's like but that is

kind of [ __ ] because it's like what does whaley probably has no i mean you're born into a system

yeah right where you know you have to abide abide by it's like it's like you know i'm sorry

this is a comedy podcast i'm just go for it baby

but it's like you know you're saying she's she might not be communist no it's like you know that or agree with 76 days

where it showed the first 76 days of you know i mean the covid epidemic in wuhan uh yeah yeah and

you know these villagers and these townsfeed people they don't know what it is they didn't have anything to do with

right right this outbreak they're just born into a town you're now a fisherman or whatever you

might be working at a market all of a sudden you're sick you know what the [ __ ] is going on whaley is the same with probably kind meal as

communism i mean she's born into a system yeah system and the government knew by the way what

do you mean the chinese government knew about what about corona i know but they didn't do you think that they it was a

they created a lab and they they didn't tell the people not to tell anybody they just didn't

tell anybody when people were dying they were trying to find a way to cover it up yeah yeah which is what our government does the same [ __ ] up [ __ ]

when they're like uh we'll figure out a way to cover how weird that the government now is acknowledging aliens do you not see all

these reports now that they're like they're open now about it for all these years they were like that's a ufo

that's a [ __ ] ufo and the government's like no it's not and now look up any article they're like

yeah okay it's a ufo well the little grays have been living with us probably about 70 years at least you know the little grays at

least yeah at least look look up look up little grays

little tinies i told you about my yeah have you been abducted nobody had

an experience well what is it and you're not gonna believe me i'm gonna i'm in and i'm being i'm

really sorry i believe in aliens first of all let me just say this no today obviously my tone is very serious uh it was for a minute but we

can get back no no but this is that's why you know that when i talk about the little grays that i'm being serious i can feel it

thank you i can feel it so a long time ago i was 17 years old and i was in a rehab for first or second

stint it was my second one right third one it was my third one third time's a charm yeah yeah i was at the mcdonald center and i met

this man wait what i didn't hear that mcdonald's center oh the mcdonald's center yeah like the mcdonald's sponsors a

rehab yeah how's the food delicious yeah they're like while you're kicking heroin

get diabetes so anyway um i met this man there and he

was like a 50 year old man he was in the so i was in the kids award the teenage drug reward right you're

there for 45 days and then it was an adult ward but sometimes we would get together and go to meetings and whatnot

right so i met this man there and um his name was tom he's 50 years old or

whatever and i would go to these men's meet i would run into this guy all the time he looked like a

just a white accountant vibe yeah right and one day uh you know

sometimes there's this thing after an a meeting where they go you know um the meeting after the meeting which is

like you know all the guys or girls they go to a restaurant and they socialize it's drink coffee

smoke cigarettes eat all night yeah you eat right i've seen you guys at swingers they used to do it all the time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't like it

i just i i just it just uh i i can just you can go ahead i just when you walk in in

there i'm like hi can we get the table in the back you know that corner of swingers i used to love and they're like there there's a group back there i'm

like [ __ ] addicts they're always back and they're drinking

coffee all night so they're never going to give them they're never going to leave their hands no i hate it they always have the good taste is fine [ __ ] addicts it's fine

[ __ ] addicts i knew every time i like there's a group back there i'm like god damn so anyway so after and sometimes when

you go to a meeting um you go around to people and go hey you guys going to go out and eat

no oh some people are like that right and so one the day i was at a meeting and that happened are you guys going going yeah

but no no we're going somewhere else you know and nobody but tom was there this old guy he goes ali with you

[Music] and i'm 17. okay all right where do you want to go he's like i love eating with

little boys let's go to the delicatessen or whatever a deli

yeah yeah let's call it delicatessen delicatessen so we go to the delegate essence and we're just sitting there eating and

he goes um you know what i used to do right and i go what he goes

i used to work for the military you know and i go oh and i'm just eating like an

omelette mm-hmm i go oh that's interesting you know i mean i can't wait to get out of there he goes they're after me

i love this guy why i love this guy because they're after me why is it only white guys i don't know

why it turns out i'm scared now because you're i'm from the suburbs yeah at this point i've never seen a black

person i don't know so you think black people are after no i don't know anything

i don't know anything i don't know anything if i saw an american indian i would probably you mean cry with joy right pick up your

uh yeah i'm just like no no i'm just like i'm innocent you're yeah yeah because all my drug

dealings and stuff happened in san diego from where i'm from tiny little neighborhood right a little neighborhood so i don't know anything

outside this world okay right so i go oh cool and he goes um in fact

uh they're after me i go oh you know i'm eating yeah okay and he goes i'm living under my van and i go

and now i'm scared because i've seen tv shows yeah i mean this is where you die yeah

and i know what happens to little boys and vans right right he's like finish your omelet he goes uh

did you hear about the little grays i know about the little grays he said and i go and i'm like what is it now

you're interested i don't know what what's the little gray he goes they live they've been living amongst us

for many many years they live underneath one i don't know i don't remember which one i was young so i don't remember which

which military you know i mean compound area 51 no it wasn't miller area 51 it

was some in somewhere in virginia or whatever and he goes they live you know i mean amongst themselves they're little they

can read that telepathy they have kinetic powers and whatnot right yeah and um

they live amongst us and i go oh and he goes i stole uh files from the military that's why

they're after me right that's what he says to me right so i go

oh and he goes i could show you why is he shouldering inside a 10 year old boy i do right it's during the day

though too and the parking lot's like you know i mean okay packed so you said come out today it's a

very popular delicatessen come on out to the van yeah so i'll go to the van let me show you the files in there yeah

so it opens up the back door right and i see a mattress right and i'm

not now i'm in a point where it's like i know i can run right you're outside yeah he also he's an a

he's a nice guy so um now i'm not kidding you on the side of this [ __ ] van right

there's a shotgun guns ammo inside yeah inside yeah

there's files right there's like a suit yep right there's clothing and in the

corner of the van right um i think there's like a little stove yeah he's got to eat he's got to

eat right but it's like you know it looked like you know a zombie apocalypse

van he looks like a crazy person who steals little asian boys and takes them in the van and says that's not true and he goes in the van

comes out with these military documents as far as you know as far as i know but you know i've never

seen a military document before that's right they looked legit with the stamps gotta have a stamp

what did we get military always stamp stuff yeah there's photographs if there's anything you know about the military they stamp photographs and photographs

cut to so i see them right and i go anyway i gotta go home i'm in school

right so you know i go home and then maybe a year later i don't see

him for a year tom's gone yeah i see a year later and now he looks different his eyes are like

bug-eyed he's got like hair like this drugs no okay right and he just looks skinny

drugs and he looks fearful drugs okay i don't know right don't make assumptions well he was in

the night yeah he went you're just mad about the swingers go ahead you're mad about swingers i know what happened okay go ahead okay

i go hey man how's it going he goes i don't have long left right drugs i and then i never saw him

again yeah yeah this is drugs no the probably he died of drugs not everybody got him no the drug the alien heroin the

military and was like the military the military you think the military little guy's got him yeah yeah look up ufo look up

government government admits ufo don't hold your breath for a breakthrough but still the department of defense

confirmed just they're here but isn't it [ __ ] they're here don't remember we were kids

when we were kids yeah all we ever heard was they were like that's [ __ ] it's fake the government shut it down constantly right yeah they

should be like that's not true yeah there is no ufo the moon landing was real you know they told us all these

lies the earth is round all these lies they've given us over the years i know look at she's yawning again i know you need anger management classes

sure yeah see what i'm saying here we go you're there it's right here it's pouring out you're

gonna cry you're gonna cry rage i wish i could cry yeah yeah i've i haven't cried when was the last time you

cried rudy last night yeah why did you cry a movie what movie is a movie mortal

kombat no sub-zero what did you cry for

it was a love story oh a walk to remember oh i love a walk to remember you see it

yes have you seen this movie are you kidding me yeah what a cute movie what it was good

it's really sweet it's mandy moore it's mandy moore and what's the guy's name

what a movie a walk to remember do you want do you even know what it's about i don't like love stories this is

beautiful mandy moore and what's his name shane west shane west so mandy more

mandy moore mandy moore is mandy moore is paralyzed from the neck down why is it always the

neck down why can't it be from the ears down well because you can still feel your ears usually because this is two

separate uh oh it is i'm not a doctor so mandy mandy gets mandy more this movie gets in a tragic a tragic car accident right after high

school this is her high school boyfriend right yeah yeah she gets paralyzed from the neck down is this true yeah okay she gets paralyzed

from the neck down mandy moore okay yeah this everyone goes off to college and does their thing meanwhile you know she's

you know she's totally bugged out in a wheelchair she's stephen hawking basically okay and everyone goes off to college

now now this guy moves back into town because his mom is sick right so he comes back and attacks years later

years later how many years i think it's like five what is it five or six years five or six years he moves back into

town comes back into this small little town yeah okay in tennessee yeah and he comes back and sees old mandy and

yeah okay and he and and they form a love connection because of the loss of his mother and

that mandy herself had lost her mother as well in the car accident okay so then what happens this is insane

you're not gonna believe this you're not gonna believe this he gets her to walk

he actually gets her to walk how he could he creates us like he's a he's a he's a um why are you laughing nothing

it's just he knows the details because i did love this movie

oh you so he's i feel like he's making it up no this is the movie yeah it doesn't seem

real to me it he's an engine it doesn't because i'm saying he comes back he falls in love

with this girl he's an engineer right he he was a he was an aerospace engineer right he comes back he builds her a

contraption to get her out of the chair and it physically makes her walk on the beach for the first time let's be honest

though so it's a walk to her and she's physically walking on the beach together can i just ask the most beautiful movie i've ever seen

what um let's suppose i've never seen this movie but i want to see it though you've never

seen it yet so you were lying yeah yeah that's a great but imagine her on the

beach walking and he's machine operating that was really good that was really good so you never saw it

no i yeah i have no idea what that movie is i have no idea what is it about roots yeah the girl has a sickness

cold told you well you knew that did you know that these movies are all the same poppy these are written these are written in a form andres knows what this is because

he went to film school with a guy that probably wrote it these guys all write the same movie she's sick or he's sick and there's a

family and there's a love connection and there's a guy that comes in the middle of it or or someone else or her brother doesn't like him these movies are

there's a billion of them they're hallmark you've seen hallmark films yeah there's a hallmark film the guy goes

there's a girl in the big city and she moves back to small town or vice versa and it's like oh what's going on

big hutch hot big city hot shot it's all the same and then they find out that they all they need is love and you don't need

money or work and whatever and look at that when landon shane west decides he wants to make this activity serious he asks jamie mandy moore to

help uh and begins to spend most of the time with her we start to develop strong feelings for the two-star relationship with the heartbreaking secret becomes

known that puts their relationship to the test which is of course she's sick she's gonna die yadda yadda this is the same as uh uh [ __ ] what's the macaulay culka

movie with the bees when it's stung by the bees my girl orbeez my girl killer bees

uh so let me let me ask you it's all the same movie but to me just the premise in itself i'm going to

sound so bad right now but just let's be honest with ourselves i'm here all right it does it's like if you're

dating somebody right in high school okay you don't have the you know or even early early 20s

and your girl like i'm your girlfriend let's suppose and i said are we gay for this party no no i'm a girl

all right fine fine all right so can we be half of hermaphrodites yes that's what i like okay no so you're

dating we're dating in high school for real go yeah and i think i should be the guy because this is my point

okay that's fine that's fine i'm secure enough hey baby yeah what's up how did the

doctor appointment go wait a minute i don't want to play that character like that that's cheesy yeah yeah go ahead do it again all right hey sweetheart

hey what up no why i don't like her she's post-op i know she's had it no no

because why can't i play the girl that i want to play can you just play your post-op

you want to play post-op just go again all right fine all right i got to go deeper though that's fine if

you're going to go deep i got to go you don't have a deep voice i'm going to try it all right go ahead

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hey what's up man i love you boo i love you too so what's going on oh what was the

doctor's appointment like pretty bad

i got three letters for you

that's what they said holy man because we've been we've been we were [ __ ]

without going yeah baby well i'm your girl you love me

hold up so stay right here okay i want to make a phone call you got it all right ring ring hello doctor

let's play the duck hello hi i think i need a hiv test okay tomorrow okay you can come

back 2 p.m okay i'll be free okay so um okay baby yeah i made a doctor's appointment

okay yeah so anyway you dying clearly wait a minute what was this

about at the beginning we got away from it real bad wait you said he said no one in high school no one in

high school would okay even in your channel i got to get okay here's what is the hiv it can't be hiv i'm dying of cancer i

can't be hiv though why hiv people you can still live with hiv

this isn't when did this movie come out when this movie come out oh too that was it was still maybe yeah there were still

people though getting the cocktail maybe but there were times tougher than they lived back then can it be a different disease

fine all right and the voice can we alright we'll switch up the voice is driving me crazy okay go ahead

well let's do voices but let's just figure what that is going to be let's surprise me okay perfect all right

all right hey baby yes

tell me what this scenario is like well let's improvise it i know but what i'm at what i'm asking telling you is is that i don't think

that a young couple right i think that if you know a guy you know

is dating a girl and she's like you know i have this rare disease i'm gonna be dead in six months right yeah right

i think that he'll stay with the girl out of guilt what if he's in love i don't know rudy

well that you're a hard person yeah women are different i'm being real it's like you're okay okay if kalila got into that's different

because kalila got sick right now it's different because you because you're older not only older i understand what life is

much more sure you mean i you know i have more days you know i mean behind me than a head

let's ask gabs then she's another woman that's not rudy then yeah but women have a different point of view i i feel like if

i like if i had some terminal disease and koala had to take care of me it

would be far different than if it was vice versa why my feeling because i just don't know how to do it

emotionally like a woman does you're saying her strength they're stronger than you

yeah it's like you know um i need to go to the appointment to get you know i mean my spine you know what i mean you know re

regeneration right and i'm like where do we gotta go every we have to do regeneration therapy

monday wednesday friday and it's in santa barbara noon to two yeah and we have to get up at seven in the morning and then it

would just be one of those things where it's like fine regeneration yeah it's gonna be one of those things where it's gonna be like i'll go i'll

obviously go yeah we'll do it right but it's gonna like i think it'll show on my face

you you're like in the morning let's just be like all right let's go so so if kalila needed spine regeneration

and she was i would do it i would do it begrudgingly but you're lazy to bobby there it is and

that's exactly right that's exactly correct a lot of guys are lazy maybe andrew isn't lazy that's right all right

no i would take her to do it i wouldn't even think about it either would i but you just said i'm being honest you said you i'm being too

i don't think i think i i don't think you're being honest no i'm being genuine if she said i have every monday you have to wake up six months that you

wouldn't even no because i wake up on monday night and she's gonna die anyway in six months oh sure yeah yeah because then you're right then

it's a countdown how exciting six months then every month i'm just like five more months

yeah yeah how about this if kalala got into a tragic car accident she was paralyzed from the neck down would you stay yeah you would stay 100

because it'd be easy to leave i wouldn't you couldn't even how could you catch you no there's no way because your house

isn't a wheelchair ready no because her and i have um i mean in history

no no it's not just history it's a clearly i'm kidding of course it's a it's a um

a connection that's far beyond just the physical right if you if if i can say it's probably more than

it's probably almost never because she was today or she was talking about how your relationship is maybe not physical

at all anymore we are physical but uh today she was talking about how when she was born or

growing up yeah growing up um there was these two

teenage girls that were murdered in the philippines and they had their titties cut off right and she knew a guy that was

accused of it whatever it might be you knew the guy no she didn't she wasn't born yet so lyla did

but i was like she's like it could have been me and my sister right that got her cut off right and then my response after

that was like oh well then my life would have been completely worse than it is now

because she didn't have tits no if she had died you know me in the 70s or 80s right

right then and i'd never met her i don't know if i would be here with you right now i don't

think i think my life would be completely different butterfly effect for sure everything would be different i think would be way worse

because it's like well that's hard to say i'll tell you i'll tell you why though i think that's true is because um

everything that's positive in my life is because of her is a direct result of meeting her that's

probably in terms of just um just the trajectory of my career the trajectory of you know

wanting to get better as a human being the trajectory of like just everything you think if kaleido wasn't

what didn't check you down when you relapsed if you didn't have heard that would have been i might have still been out there you

know but it's not even just that it's like when i did years ago when we lived in that apartment in on beechwood

[Music] she was like um we should do a podcast and i'm like

no she goes well i'm gonna do one on my own then go ahead she went to the guitar center

by herself right she set it up in the room and she did it on her own for like a month

right and then one day i walked by her the door was open and she was just sitting there in a mic and just didn't know what

to say you know she's just sitting there she had done it right and i just kind of went all right we'll

do one so i would go let's just call tiger belly and she's like why i'm like because no one's gonna listen to this anyway it doesn't make

any sense it's a non-sequitur right right and we started doing it and then here we are you know i mean i i'm a

podcaster yeah right because of that experience they're correct yes so it's like everything she has had

a positive effect everything everything so without her you'd be worthless i might be truly who knows i could have

found something else in life but um i think i might have got it covered because she's so you know i mean adamant

right she was very strict about this pandemic and yeah and i followed her you know the rules of

the house you sure did what do you mean no you did i did and i didn't get it

no that's good yeah i got it i know you did a little bit cooler than you no cooler than you irresponsible

it was a little bit cooler than you and you got your wife sick at the oh not only to her i got 55

other people sick when i found out i had it i went out i didn't stay at home i was out out and about starbucks no

mask coffee thank you please next trader joe's

you know what i mean everywhere i went dude i was was spreading it i was so i loved douchebags i loved it

you're a douchebag and people were like oh sir you're not wearing a mask i'm like so what i came up from huntington beach i was

coughing dude spitting and coughing i wasn't irresponsible i got the mat i got it with a friend outside how do you

know we got it from christie i know from chris's friend his mexican friend is his mexican friend

you misquoted what he was like a thousand times what's the matter he's not mexican i know he's a stand-up

yes does he feel bad about it he does uh-huh he should it's something about me that like won't

let certain things go like what like i have this thing where it's like

and i i want i want to change this about myself where like you know like my falling out with the la

jolla comedy store mm-hmm you can always bounce back but you know what happened right i do

yeah you want to talk about it and i'll never yeah i'll talk about it i just can't forgive this guy sure you

know maybe but why can't you forgive people that's the thing i it's something that i have within myself

whereas i have a i get a grudge yes you can hold it in my heart it's

gross forever get rid of that i know but it can't but that's gonna kill you faster than it kills them it doesn't hurt me

i don't it doesn't it does subconsciously you don't even know it but it does things like that do hurt us it's like um

i'll tell you what happened i you know that club got gutted and closed at one point did you know that yeah i do

okay so that that club so no no no no no no no no the manager won the manager when i was a kid yeah right

i and i went into that club right and mitzi one day said i'm closing it down

right okay who's losing money no she's like i'm moving it she moved the comedy store to the beach

oh i remember that yeah yeah on the coast of la you weren't around that no i heard about it yeah i know the story so then that

comedy store the one that we know is yeah was completely gutted it was going to be like a furniture shop

right right the beach there was no parking there so she they started freaking out and the

last second she's like let's go back right but now the club was gutted right

so me freddy soto guys like johnny sanchez when we were kids we went in there and we put the bamboo

on the wall in the bamboo yeah right we built the stage we were we went in there put carpeting down we we did it all

right then i worked there right as a doorman yeah right that place it was my [ __ ] home i know

every crack of that club right right it's like you know it's like um your hometown house that you grew up in

[Music] do you can you imagine that burned down oh i'm sorry it's all right i did it

really funny but i know what you mean yes it's like so anyway so now after i was in man tv or whatever right maybe after a

little after that and i had to do a special not special but a stand-up set on tv i forgot what it was sure so i

wanted to work out a set so i called the la jolla comedy store and i i talked to a doorman and i go

yo what's going on tonight he's like the best of san diego so i go oh i'm going to drive down

because i don't want to work it out here in hollywood and i just want to work it out there he said come on down

so i drive two and a half hours or whatever it is right to la jolla i go into the club

and this manager who i didn't even know he was new there right i go all right when can i go up

and he goes you can't go up here i'm gonna go why because we're doing

pretty funny women right yeah so i go all right well i'll

wait and i'll just go up at the end compromise what year is this

this must be 2 000. you're on mad yeah okay right so you say i want to go

up the end of the show that's called pretty funny women yeah which just gives women opportunity that

usually they didn't have a lot of spots exactly but right i meant that i'll go up at the end but i want to go at the end yeah the headline the pretty funny women

show special guest got it okay you're making

me mad right now i'm agreeing with you i literally just said got it i don't i don't think so i just said got it i'm just trying to figure out

the the context i need context oh if it was like an all hispanic show right you pretty funny

bees yeah and you and i popped in popped in at the level

that you're at now right imagine the talent on the thing there's no name that these are it's a

basically open mic night right i walk in and they're like hey it's hot tamale night right right now and you go yeah i'll go up but then you know it's

like okay so just go back you said i want to go up at the end yeah the manager said no right so i got

back in my car and it drove away but i told them um maybe i do maybe i sound like a baby

what did you say i said if you don't put me up right now i drove two and a half hours right you know i'm never gonna play this club again can i can i and he goes fine

really yeah did you did you call anybody and say i'm coming down that i just told you i did who who did

you contact i called the door the the phone guy during the day and the phone guy was like come on down right miscommunication so

did you you should've said the manager didn't the phone guy tell you i'm coming yeah i probably said that and he was like no he didn't tell me

yeah and then you're like oh okay well then fire that guy because that's his fault that's fine i'm not gonna all the

doorman and the phone guys are all stand ups right yeah so i'm not gonna [ __ ] um let

ruin somebody's dream sure but then well then so but it's not the manager it's not that big of a deal for la jolla

just put me up okay but it's not that big of a deal it's not that big of a deal so go back no no because but it's all i already

said if you don't put me up yeah i'm never coming back here and he go that's fine with me

right so i go at that point i'm like now i can never come back but what i'm

telling you is it doesn't bother him it's bothers you doesn't bother me this is going back to my original point we harbor those things

and it doesn't hurt him he doesn't lose any sleep about it it doesn't he he's never even thought about it since it happened but it does bother you

because it's you know still know it so well so what you want me to do is go i'm back

i want you to go hey i want to come back and then he i see the guy and he'll go dude it's so great to have you here we

haven't wish you came over the years i'm sorry that that [ __ ] thing happened you're making me so mad right now but it's so real

but i'm telling you what you you're you can fix something that is not even a problem no i will refuse i

refuse you know what it is because i'm going to give you a parallelism when rogan told the story

refuse i'll tell you why i refuse okay when he's fired what if he fight he gets fired or quits then will you go back oh yeah okay so

it's all him yeah uh huh oh yeah i'll i'll go or he could call me and go listen i'm

sorry but what did he do for not i'm sorry for not putting you up

on the pretty funny women's show but that is a funny quote i'm sorry for not putting you up on the

pretty funny women's show right if it was like in la right yeah and it's like but it's not l.a

just listen what i'm saying right right if the lineup is like sarah tiana sarah silverman you know i

mean whitney cummings and they're and i can always 100 i'd be like you know what

i can't be on the show but why not because i'm not a woman but but why could you be on the other show because it's like a packed room and

it's like you know because they weren't famous enough the other women exactly right and you understand my point of view right

i don't i mean i know why you feel that way but i don't think you're right right i think you're wrong i love you

but i think you're wrong okay i think the manager was put in a bad position and then you now after all these years you're big

bobby lee you're you're in space right now of comedy you can do whatever you want why don't you just go well then i wanted

to ask is there any level that you can be yes

to get put up on that stage yes if chris rock let me just say if chris rock drove down there right

could he go up there he wouldn't do that oh no that's not true because i've seen i was a doorman at the la jolla company

what i'm saying is if chris chris would call and go i'm coming to come to come down and i'm coming up and they would make it a thing

right right so my point is if you were more famous they would have been like yo chappelle

is coming and the whole show would have shut down so what you're saying to me right now is that i just wasn't famous enough

to make that happen well to make the thing a thing yeah you weren't famous enough to try to

bump someone on the pretty funny women show right so there's a level that you can though and i still don't think you

should but is there it happens all the time it happens but but it's like but it only

should happen if like but like i think all headliners know why would you need it you don't need to go no because i remember one time i was uh

the circumstances listen i was a doorman i was a doorman right at the comedy store in la jolla

and on tuesday nights fred burns gave us the room so they go it's all six of you

we're doormen you guys work your ass off to pack this room so we would take these tickets flyers and go to back then it

was called jack murphy stadium and we and when there was a padres game right we would pass out these tickets

free tickets and we sold out this room oh no it was paid no i mean we it was a yeah it was a pay-per-view room yeah but

we got the pool tuesday night it was packed dope right yeah our show i love those right

we showed up and chris rock was in town cool this is before bring your pain

though bring the pain bring the pain right all right and they go chris is going to go up

yeah in the middle of it he gotta do an hour that's awesome right and there's nothing we could do

that's right he went up that's right did it right and then some of us weren't able to go up yeah

you know what i mean and some of us got [ __ ] and we worked really hard to do the show my point is that's you know i mean but

you're not chris rock but i was but i i know i understand that but this is chris just

let me defend myself but you're not cause right i understand but this is chris rock right chris rock

was became huge huge after bringing the pain huge right

yep before bringing the pain but before that we knew it was chris rock he was [ __ ]

phenomenal right but so it's so what you're saying is arguably i could have you so what you're saying your point is

i could have bumped right yeah pretty funny woman if i was chris rock yeah and i wasn't

big enough that's right okay and since the since that the since the circumstances were because it's also i want to add this

little thing into it it's also my home club i know i i i that's why i think you should squash this and it'd be

no i will not i refuse to how about this no no i refuse to do it

how about we do a bad friend show though i'm gonna double would you do it with me no i'm not refused i'm gonna double down now right

now i'm gonna do everything i can from that from this point forth i'm gonna i'm acting like a little baby

i love it all right from this point forward yeah right yeah i'm gonna do everything i can i will

never give up to take the club down no not the club to make the club i will never give up i'm gonna try to get as big as i [ __ ]

can let's do it and let me say something right now right i'm in a very good trajectory right now you're killing it

are you being sarcastic you're killing don't make me mad you're killing it and i'm gonna do everything i can to get

bigger and bigger did you watch any of the pretty funny women did you stay for any of it seriously you

had me in such a bad mood continue you did this i didn't do this you talked about it

you didn't agree with me what i agree with you on is um

you know the show you know what the show is eh it was a [ __ ] up situation yeah it was not fair but i don't think

you should hold it out to your san diego fans how about that if you yawn again dude it's been the whole show oh yeah

it's been the full shot and you don't want to be here and the worst part is the fans like you and that's what's so annoying they're so annoying you don't even love

you so much this is doing so much for your life right so anyway um pull the mic up to your face yeah yeah yeah

god it's so it's just a one rule it's not this ever it's never been it's right here always listen guys i want to be here

oh okay all right so here's the deal all right i just want to do a group apology okay all right you you have a tendency

because i love you so much i love you like we're family we are to really dig in right and to get me there yeah you got

me there for the first time right but let me tell you something right it'll never happen again you got it i no it's not that i got it don't even do

that right what i'm going to say to you is this i right i'm acting like a child about it

yeah about that situation right and i am going to grow i love the better i

love it and so what i'm going to say to everyone in this room is that listen up everyone everyone in this room all right you know thank you

for being involved in this project that we're doing right um let's take one foot in front of the

other and step into the future and the bright future i like it and i want to say that i really appreciate everyone's energy and positive energy

here right and i'm not going to let you right god bless you yeah your psychological mental attacks on me i

didn't do anything i understand that but you know how to [ __ ] you know my buttons right and i know yours and i'm not going to press them because i'm a good person

yeah you did and my point is is this okay thank you so much um gabby for being here thank you so

much um fancy fancy b for being here you're yawning it's fine

okay do be you all right right right you're rage eyes it's not going to

affect me let's move on you want to play a [ __ ] program let's do another program in the show let's go what do we got let's do it

let's play games here man i feel great okay okay all right okay so andres introduce what

you've got yeah introduce what we got so we because we love movies so much in this show

we selected a few super famous popular movies in the u.s uh for rudy to tell us what the plot is

about based on the poster and the title this is okay but before we go into that can i just mention something real quick though of course

because i i am the co 50 of this what i didn't say anything i know but i'm just for for some reason i have to

i mean did right now it basically i'm scorpion and you're sub-zero i'm raiden oh no you're not writing i'm

ready you're not reading at all how am i not raiden because raiden's a good guy i am raiden

no you're not you're definitely like cabal you're not jackson you're not black yes

i am i can be whatever i want all right you're sub all right i'll be sub zero you're chung li

oh that's right you're chung li for sure yeah yeah and i first of all i would be scorpion he's the only one that's close to my color of red

that's true no no i'm uh i'm uh yeah cause scorpion throws fire dude i'm i'm scorpion you're chung lee yeah and

you are um she's uh what's melanie what's her name milena yeah melina melena

anyway what oh it's about movies is what i want let's go back to the movie thing that we're gonna do i had a discussion with client all the

time because we you know we mentioned um three amigos like and i go i can't believe you haven't seen that to

to this one and the client goes well she was born in this time right but it's like i know who the

beatles are exactly i hate that argument because it's like when i was you know a kid right i saw citizen kane that was in the

50s right yeah i saw um i know what um frankenstein was in my right i mean i i go for i watch

the classics if it's good everyone will know it for the rest right so it's like you should have seen this movie already

yeah and you haven't seen this film no i haven't okay so based on the movie yeah the

poster tell us what's up what it's about

can you zoom in zoom in yeah what's a shawshank well that you're

gonna make it you gotta have to tell us tell us what it is it's about two guys yeah in the military

correct that's correct that's actually that's what i actually know how do you know that i don't know yeah what else and then

it's world war one yeah yeah and then

they yeah what do they do what's shawshank

that's a war that's the war okay okay okay so two guys in the military

and they the they are the ones that defeated the enemy and shawshank yeah yeah and they freed the

people who were imprisoned exactly that's actually right that's exactly right that's actually

right yeah and and the guy on the right is morgan free yeah you know that yeah the

guy on the right his name in the movie is it's a dead giveaway it's a nickname based after

what they used to call him when he was a kid they would look at his picture they would call him the sean deshawn deshawn

and the guy on the left his nickname or well his name in the movie is his nickname and he looks like nick nick nick and

deshawn deshawn during the shawshank war yep right they go in they liberate the town yeah

free the guys to the prison right look in the bottom what happened see what that right there is the moment that you

need what is that what is that titanic it's the titanic exactly so

this is crazy you're not going to believe this but that scene from the titanic was actually in this movie first they

did that scene in this movie yeah and then the titanic stole it so it's an homage to world war one he's actually on a boat

he's on the head of a boat because you know shawshank right the war the war is shaking is an island i don't

know if you know this right so he's on the boat it's close to where you grew up you know i i'm the king of the world he says that

i'm the king of this world nick right is his name nick said it yeah nick goes i'm the king of the world right

and right there does that look like rain it's not you know what it is blood it's bullets and blood bullets and

blood bullets and blood i'm the king of the rock crazy it's a crazy stuff it's kind of like scarface

when he was like you know he's getting she's never seen scarface really yeah holy [ __ ] okay okay have you seen

this movie this one of course is an american classic called the godfather yeah godfather of course

is about what is it about i've heard about it yes yeah yes is it about like

gangster yeah yeah there we go it is and that and he is mafia

bi mafia and what what's his uh name the actor's name

i mean that's next to impossible that's what he is you do know he's that actor you've seen him before he's european

um eastern european he looks like joaquin phoenix his name is joaquin

that's actually good his first name is joaquin but his last name is in phoenix his last name is

joaquin cher cherlin cherylinger

sherlock and he plays in the movie the father the father the

god the godfather very good now now who now at the bottom it says i'm gonna make

him an offer he can't refuse who did he make the offer to who did joaquin sherlinger make an offer to [Laughter]

the father the other father the other father because there's more than one father of course well you have the godfather right but

you know other clans of other fathers so there's another father and he goes you know i'm going to make you an offer of the

camera for you do you know what the offer was what's the offer the offer was from the godfather to the

father what was it to save the niece or he dies save the niece or he dies

exactly he did say i'm getting you better i i that in the movie he said i'm gonna make him

save the niece or he dies and that was one of the scenes that's very good very good you're actually two for two ah

another classic you know what clint eastwood is do you know who that man is no but is his son the one in suicide

squad i forgot he's also handsome jared leto

that's right yes what's your son's name what's his son's name that guy that guy that guy that's

exactly right that isn't that's clinton it's also clint eastwood yeah his name is clint eastwood

right eastwood jordan junior playing these with junior so let's go back to the goodbye the ugly

what is this movie about cowboys exactly but what does this mean the good

the bad and the ugly there's a good cowboy there's a bad and then there's an ugly cup

this is exactly that right exactly that's kind of like the show i really like this show okay next one uh this is

this is what a classic what a good one it was actually shot in another language you know what other language it was shot

in and then it was translated into english you can see by looking at that exactly exactly

and uh so the guy in the center what's his name um well there's there well there's the

names up there so robert robert de niro so the guy in the center's name is robert de niro yeah the

guy on the right joe yep joe i don't i can't see that

pepsi joe pepsi

yeah and it's called goodfellas and what is it about also yeah what are the relationships

between these three brothers they're exactly their brothers triplets

and um what is uh i know you know it's a mafia movie but what era what what's the

time give us a time frame time 19 85 right just about pretty much just

about okay pretty much 85.86 and um what city does it take place in

new york new york new york where else but new york and so so one one quick question the guy

on the far left ray lada him and joe pepsi had a falling out at some point

during the film because the middle guy rob bob de niro did what

what did he do to cause their falling out those two guys on the other side the middle guy killed that girl

but that girl is those are old men no there's no there's no girl on the

phone

and we know you would serve them yeah happily happily uh what a film you've never seen this

either jesus great movie so jack nicholson yep do you know who that is laker game

no you don't know who jack nicholson is courtside laker game crazy here i've heard about his name but i'm sure you've

seen him in some social reference right you can't name any other movie that jack nicholson was in

um so one flew over the the cuckoo's nest the cuckoo's nest the

coco's nest now what do you think this is about he's looking up there and the sky smiling

yeah i think it's similar to a dumb and dumber yep exactly that's a comedy it's a

comedy yeah right and he um what happens in this comedy what's that what's the setting

in this comedy like where does it take they're in prison they're in prison again again and then he finds

someone who is dumber pretty good yeah and they try to escape

and they're trying to escape the problems they do pranks they do pranks to pranks to escape fart gags yeah yeah

yeah home alone fart gags yeah a couple of bbs raining down from the sky i like it next movie that you're

honestly you're killing it she already saw it oh you did see sounds great how about this one wait go back to silence of the limbs what is it about

it's about she saw it huh we saw it together yeah yeah it's about a serial killer yeah

and wait wait i forgot no yeah it's a serial

serial killer and then this girl um investigates the guy

uh-huh is it this movie what i forgot the smoothie what do you

mean is it this movie the girl interrogates the serial killer

and then the guys caves i forgot already

okay you're not going to own the next one yeah yeah i mean if you forgot that

movie as powerful as that was something tells me you're not going to be able to just guess what casablanca is about you go

ahead do you know where casablanca is casablanca is it a casino yes in what

city what city las vegas las vegas vegas and if you go to las vegas now

right there's the beautiful casablanca hotel and casino and spa and spa yeah yeah and

um it's right there on the strip in the middle of everything right right mgm i think yeah and uh

who's in it bogert's in it yep who birdman

burger man ferdinand's burger man's in it birdman the rapper isn't it yeah henry

oh and real and real soccer player yep henry on rails zuckerberg

so in this in this movie just a quick little thing he's got a gun there you see that

is he protecting all those people behind him or is he out to get some of those people behind him i think he's protecting the woman but

not the other guys very very good very good because the guy in the top right is a

you can see him over his hat he's a he's jay with a j jew yep yes

there it is yes correct that's what the movie's about yep ah

jeremy's store i've never heard of this rear window yeah yeah you've never heard

of this okay it's it's a guy okay wait the direction all right who who directed it it says it

it says it alfred hitchcock have you heard of him

no he this is the only movie he did yeah he only did one movie and then he died in a car accident yeah

right so alfred hitchcock we don't know much about him almost nothing really really no one really knows much about

him he did one movie he got out of film school yeah i mean um he

so 15 directors turned this movie down right and alfred hitchcock this guy you

know skinny guy brand new brand new young guy right he directs this movie and that he does in a car

accident and what do you think happens in this movie it's pretty easy to tell because this poster is pretty is pretty they paint a good picture look

at the poster and what happens in this film the guy is stalking the girl yes exactly and what happens to her

look at that big thing on the right what happens to her where look at the big thing next to him

what is that tall thing a building yeah so what happens what happens to her she falls she falls

because look at the blue in that see that up there in the blue yeah right look at her blue dress

yeah he was a peeping tom he was spying on her her last line is i should have stood

so close to the rear window and then dead but maybe he pushed her ah

plot twist don't give it away don't give it away oh boy oh this is a good one

we've talked about it on this show an awful lot a lot of times this movie okay you've seen this have you seen this

no what's it called apocalypse now yes what happens what's the setting

they're in africa exactly what part of africa how'd you know from the poster yeah it kind of looks like it that's actually good if you name the country

we can move on what country does this take place in africa

nigeria that's the one exactly that's the one and good thing you did here we go look who's back

who's that actor look who's back look who's cuckoo

who's the guy who's the guy here's rudy i don't know no we tom before i know

i said have you heard of him before alfred hitchcock it's alfred hitchcock

it's albert hitchcock there he is there he is it's alfred hitchcock and that's the

shinnon yeah that's yeah and now what's this movie about the shining the shin yeah shining

it's not the shine no it's shining shining shining no there's two ends in shining

you can tell right away it's so easy look what's exposed on his mouth you see his teeth right what's it about

[ __ ]

if you go get a shining you're going to get your what's a shinning

do you try to make it up then what do you think it is look it's it this is one of those movie

posters where it's so obvious what it is yeah you just say it very simple

he either watches girls yeah in the bathroom yes yes

or yeah he eats metal the answer is b yeah yeah he eats the metal it's the

metal what's shinning yeah yeah you have to get to watch the movie watch the movie yeah yeah rudy that was incredible that's

incredible give him a round of applause that was amazing yeah

did you ever see gran torino i loved it now could that come out right now is that that would be a stop

asian hate movie that would get i think that oh yeah that would definitely but you know what get off my lawn you

asians did you say racial epidemic i brought my parents to that movie you did yeah and my dad got halfway to

the movie goes i don't feel comfortable yeah i'm being weird no i mean i didn't like it

gran torino's looking good loved it though uh denounces anti-asian slurs well they use it in the movie

yeah so when we talk about this stuff think about like this tarantino says the n word in pulp

fiction what do you do with this you're okay with it do they need to cut that out now because of what's going on

i i think that um but who says the n-word and oh yeah they do he does he does say it

yeah pretty good on the nose yeah he does say he said is there a sign on this outside of my outside of my driveway that says dead

n-word parking parking yeah yeah storage dead-end storage yes that's right yeah that's right have you seen you've seen this

movie right you did yeah but i forgot about already it was a long time ago bring up the

picture of the four cast members there please who are they who are these people

the actors names john travolta very good and then the girl i know she's

in kill bill yes another tarantino movie he got to the right is i think he was in a racing movie i

don't know yes that racing famous racing movie which movie fast furious there we go

[Laughter] [Music]

right there i honestly really does look like yeah did you fart no does that what

rudy i didn't fart so defensive yeah cause it smells in here did you fart for real i didn't

your eyes i didn't fight because i think you did did you fart be honest i promise because last night

we had a deep dip deep dish pizza and i can't eat it anymore why because you know the one with the

mozzarella cheese and then the ricotta is so good it's so good i know but i'm lactose intolerant

take a pill maybe take a lactaid but she was taking a shower and i go i'll just go to the bathroom downstairs she goes

nope i like it when you [ __ ] when i'm taking a shower what yeah and i go you do she

i do absolutely there and [ __ ] well she's in the shower she loves it no no no no no yeah yeah

yeah you guys are perfect for each other yeah so i'm [ __ ] and i'm eating and she's like oh that that was a

groovy one yeah just she likes that in the same room yeah it's crazy do you take showers together

we used to we have have you i today oh yeah we have we do it all the time

but do you pee when you get in the shower oh yeah do you pee in the shower see me too andres you pee in the shower

no we talk about it no we already talked about this show yep oh i didn't know what do you do gab do

you pee in the shower yeah of course everybody everyone normal

pees in the shower and i pee on her sometimes um thank you for being a bad friend

i wipe my ass from that back to front you wipe like that don't you ever get it

on your balls i think i said his dick's that's why his dick smells like poop why don't you just

get baby wipes no i i always for some reason i'm getting fat now i don't i've never

i didn't always do that but you this just started i know where you because i'm getting fat so it's like i can't get my little why don't you

lean up get up i can't you can't get up i can't get my hand to my [ __ ] we should get a rail

for you to hold on i can do this for some reason right closer my taint's very small small small tank

smaller so it's like yeah i can get my hand to my [ __ ] that way right

[Music]

yes