White Shenanigans | Ep 146 | Bad Friends

hey we're going to be at The Comedy Store next week next week next Tuesday night 8:00 p.m. in the main room all the proceeds Bob where are they going

they're going to the door men and women of The Comedy Store and they're all talented kids and we want to help them

out for the holidays so it's going to be bad friends lives hopefully if you guys let us sell out the 8pm we can do the 10 p.m. afterwards and raise more money uh

for the for men and women that work at The Comedy Store to help them out be so happy go to comedystore.com for the for tickets the comedystore.com I'm going to

be in Boston New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve get those tickets now we just added the Late Show uh to New Year's Eve Andrew Santino

docomo docomo we got new merch look at this huh look at that baby Bob show I

love I love mine this is awesome we got new merch guys look at this new merch look at that we're yelling at each other

um this is great stuff go to um badri merch.com uh award it's in the merch bar down below but if not badri merch.com

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian you

do you two are disgusting you two are something we're

bad friends no no you know how sometimes you go to like a hotel and you you know the valet but do you have to pay that

lady behind the count you know what I mean wait what say you know how you go to valet you have to pay sometimes you don't pay at the valy thing there's an

actual like little you know what I mean yeah desk thing yeah that's what she looks like a desk girl a desk no but

only for valet what is it because of her pants just her vibe yeah yeah yeah her energy

I think it's cool you look like uh general manager of an Alo local but not

in this country you mean like there's a new branch in hurus right and she's like the

you're the general manager though what's on your forehead it's a pimple cream oh

yeah we shouldn't have brought that up well it's right it's I just didn't know what I it's right there what do you want me to do n Rocky Mountain High let's

talk about the pimple cream well this morning I woke up to like a really really big zit and then I wanted to pop

it cuz it was so painful and then I was in the mirror and when they popped it it like squirted all over the mirror I love

it I love that yeah one of my favorite things is popping a a good pimple do you

use like a little needle to like poke it no what just your fingers oh but sometimes it's like hard n you just got

to squeeze baby oh wait a minute you use you puncture your face first and then yeah I've seen that online yeah you know

what I do it's disgusting you have the dogs do it no no that's a good guess and

I appreciate that that's a really good guess what I what I'll do is I'll bite my nail take

a nail I'll take a and I I'll I turn it into like a little shiv so I'll bite it turn into like a

mini shiv yeah I got and I'll pop it that way because sometimes I pop it in places there are no needles right and I

get that there's not needles everywhere and and your nails grow on trees your nails are clean so you figured oh that's

another good point and that's funny that you say that I wash my hands first why not why not get the infection worse

that's true I get that yeah yeah that's smart so the dirt under your fingernails now gets into the hole in your face yeah

um can I ask you a question please you're not fully over your whatever you had your voice is thick my boy sounds

normal to me and and then Friday night you were like a little grumpy on the phone why was I grumpy on the phone I

don't know I called you like you're not going to be here I go and I go what oh no I was in the main room of the store yeah let's talk about it I was in the

main room of the store and the sound guy was coming to look to see who was supposed to be next and I was supposed to bring you on next but I couldn't I

didn't bring you on I ended up bringing on somebody else Benji a Flo cuz you yeah okay but the sound guy said is

Bobby not going to make it and I said well I don't I'll call him and I said Bob your spot is next are you going to

be here and you said no yeah and I said why not I was at the Improv no you were

done at the Improv I was at improv you were done was that not at themov though you were before but you were done you could have made your spot but you didn't want to so you just bailed so for all

the fans out there no that paid for a ticket on Friday night and get didn't get to see Bobby he bailed yeah I'm

there every night and if you really want to know if you want to really want to see me come every night he he wanted to go get food he's oh damn that's it now I

know what to tell people when I'm working when I'm working and Bobby doesn't show up I get a long line of people that are really upset and sad how

much for the car um you going to get it car oh yeah you're okay back don't

talk to me like that okay my point is listen okay you can I tell you what happened last night stop calling in if

you're not going to do the spots [ __ ] you I've seen you so many times cancel

never yeah you're right I never can that AR doesn't work but you know

mean but I tried and that's what's great about me right I commit to whatever nonsense what happened last night last

night I'll tell you what happened right it's scary [ __ ] scary so I'm in the main room at the comedy store in the

green room and I was there I had a friend from Canada with me okay yeah and we

sitting there Eddie pepeton there you know the old man love Eddie so funny a yeah and he's there with his friend and

then there's this black guy okay what well just the way you went like you

laughed at oh I did yeah can I say it again yeah guy

black there was a guy who was who happened to be black just so happen to be yeah yeah yeah and he's sitting there

and it's everything's fine I'm like you know you I was there a little early and we're all chatting MH this is guy

sitting there on one the you know where the bar is that little bar that they don't serve anything in the main room

and he says something a little bit weird he's like yo hey man uh what's treyo

Treo on stage and I go what tro tro and

I go Jesus tro that's his name

I go yeah so that right there you know in your head you're like why would you you don't know him what do you do who

are you yeah well that's what I'm saying so I look in the on the list because you know sometimes you have your you know

what I mean the open micers that open the show you know what I mean don't point at her not her I'm just saying you

know who I'm talking about you I mean the names you hire me I do hire you and

you're [ __ ] great you're cheap I mean you're you're talented but cheap help

[ __ ] uh Nick what's her name Nikki Haley whatever her name is who's Nikki Haley

um anyway oh she's a politician right yeah her I can't get Nikki

Haley what what does she do no she's running for the Republican thing she does standup no she doesn't I watch but

she should her whole campaign is a stand up yeah oh it is yeah show me some Nikki Haley let me finish let me finish I

might cast my vote for her yeah stand up there is no stand up by the way Pete typed in Nikki Haley stand

up fire stand up for America well stand up oh stand up for America yeah yeah no

it's Standford that's very good though so what so what so this young black man right so then let me can I tell the

story please yeah yeah so he goes TR TR and I go uhuh and look at there's no there's he's not on the list then he

then he starts mumbling when do I got to go up like just r randomly going that

asking when do I get to go up I'm going to go up okay well I I'm not kidding you and

and for my peripheral I'm like there's something wrong because he's also his eyes are going all over the room yeah

zigzagging zigzagging when do I get to go up you know what I mean and I can't I'm not good with confrontation I know

that right so I'm like you going to go

up what else do you say nothing yeah I leave I just leave no no no I double

down yeah yeah yeah because I think we're not but also Eddie pepp they have no idea what's going on

Eddie doesn't know him either yeah but he has no idea that there's danger why is there danger some guy does it treyo

treyo and going when I to go mumbling when do I get to go up sounds like a comic that's true that's true that is

that is true so what then he starts going like yo man uh he goes I've seen

you on the Tik Tok and I go that's right I know but you would you have to understand that if you're a com you

don't say that but I understand he has I understand what he's saying right but it's like you know me going yeah Dave to

you and I'd go uhhuh oh okay so I go okay Tik Tok I showed done that he just doesn't know a lot of words oh that's

true okay this sounds like his vocabulary so then I'm I'm like I got to do something yeah would you no you would

just immediately immediately leave the room I I know but but I know if I was

the only person in the room leave then I would leave but I don't I don't want to leave the room room and then all I come

back and Eddie pipon in 19 different pieces right then I'll feel guilt he can he can defend himself he's fine Kenny oh

so you're the hero of the day between me and Eddie peperone my money's on Eddie no no that's offensive he's [ __ ] a

thousand years old no yeah yeah yeah he can fight for sure there's no doubt no no he's a thousand years old this guy

look at him he's the man Dad okay who's your money on Jules between between him

and Bobby in a fight he looks like going to have a heart attack second so maybe Bob thank you so much so you're saying

the only reason that Bob would win is because he might have a heart attack right but outside of that if he let's just say he has that's not of me doing

anything that's just him killing himself then but let's just say he's got a really healthy heart like I know his vitals are great okay then maybe him

then him truth is the truth what do you think juice I think Eddie would take the hit

for the insurance money thank you thank you so he would lose on purpose he's a Fall Guy yeah but

with that with that means is he could still beat you if he wanted to so what do you do anyway okay so what do you do

I go to the front I go to Jess and I go I think there's a crazy person in the

green room she's like what are you talking about and I go what do you mean there's a [ __ ] CR black oh God I'm

sorry I should have done that no no leave it in no leave it in I was just

doing a call back for got it all right and then this [ __ ] guy goes we got to [ __ ] cut it out no it's great leave

it in right it was just a joke it was a joke so look you told Jess and J so I go she goes okay and she comes with me I go

no you can't come now you can't come now she's like why I go because you're going

to then I'm he he knows that I'm the one that nared right you got to come in eight

minutes ah time it I timed it your yeah yeah so I went back in there and then lo

and behold Eddie purple Tone's still alive thank God yeah yeah I'm like oh he's not in pieces right and the guy's still sitting there I go to the bathroom

and I we just I just pretend that you know everything's fine right right right and then she finally comes in and she

she goes what's your name and he goes ah like that oh I know that guy that guy

he's funny that's his name h h h h h h h he actually RI oh he yeah yeah that

would be a name that yeah yeah thank you yeah they go nuts yeah it's like

earthquake you know has their own name yeah exactly cool so he goes he goes ah

and paid regular he goes uh um yeah yeah yeah yeah right she goes no you're

not he goes I'm not how easy and then no but then he goes she goes you have to leave he goes why he goes you're not

performing he goes but can I go up these are good questions that's true he is putting in

good questions yeah but can I just show tell you though I mean people don't know at home um it's a soldout room in the

main room right and um it's not like it's not it's not difficult to get back

there but it's not some you know that you're not supposed to be back there you know you're not supposed to be back right it's just there's a long hallway

there's a stay back there you just you know what I mean you have to be very bold yeah right also if you're an upand

cominging comedian you just in your mind know that just that's not the way it happens of course yeah just go can I go

up my name is ah right that just doesn't work right but he goes can I go up and she's like

no you can't you have to leave this room yeah and he hesitates he

go nah-uh okay okay he gets up and leaves right yeah and then they banned

him for life oh man that was my win but then I go you baned for life now he's going to think I did that yeah so if

you're out there listening ah Bobby is the reason you'll never perform at the comedy store and and

honestly Bobby Lee and you guys uh fans will you put his address right at the bottom of the screen so mail your

complaints there or I want to that way I want you to feel the guilt no I wouldn't feel guilty at all oh if a came to my

[ __ ] house and murdered me in my sleep you wouldn't feel guilty hilarious listen right when you kill me

take my blood and on the wall go Andrew santin yeah but say Andrew Santino cuz

there's a lot a lot yes San how about Cheeto Santino Cheeto s me yeah Cheeto s me yeah they'll know right yeah you

won't feel the guilt no all right you know put his address under the put his address see which which

house cuz let me say something a you can open for me I'd have never seen your act at all at all but dude I'm telling you I

I packed rooms killed Andrew and you can open for me all right all right we'll just see who dies first dude so funny

this guy I hope is a big fan and I hope he's know of this show and he's listening to this show yeah yeah and

it's going to show up more of The Comedy Store be like I heard you got me banned I listen to your show I didn't get him banned okay I mean that story definitely

sounds like you did oh that's right I should have told that story yeah

it's great yeah cuz 8 minutes I should have waited yeah that's okay I mean I shouldn't have said the eight

minutes going to be okay so rude you got cut off welcome back by the way Rudy the

Jews hi hi are you sad your mom and sister are gone yeah but I also like being alone yeah we know that I don't

know what she does at night I come home it's like Friday Saturday night but she has a bit it was like 2 days that I

didn't see you and you didn't tell me that you were in New York was he got to check in with you

before he goes to New York are you my parole officer yeah no no you have to tell me what what what let's see what

that conversation got you just say you just say Okay ring thing

hello hey by the way how are you for a

second yeah good how are I'm in New York okay bye what does that do that's it she

hangs up already that's crazy okay bye that means that she doesn't want to know any information that's right no it could

be like I've been captured you didn't finish it you don't know why he's in New York yeah yeah yeah okay okay it's too

late it's too late I'm already dead and now the FBI let's do it again that was my one chance I was like I'm free I'm

going to call jewes right I'm in New York you know what I mean hi what I'm

dead [ __ ] you okay okay let's say let's say you're a kid you're adult napped let's say you were stolen yeah somebody

steals Bobby Lee a group of thugs just just I need the specifics oh who does it yeah the Yakuza in New York they're

everywhere that's true but more the Chinese Triad okay the tri Chinese Triad steals you because they're not a fan of

Koreans yeah and so they steal you right and they say listen up you have that

doesn't S sorry honestly do Chinese Ren up yeah higher up though maybe

they're them you and that's what he's saying to you right there what is that group right there that's the Chinese tribe it is but that's him right there

in the front he's saying you have a one phone call that's great and so that's what

he's saying one you have one a phone call who you going to call yeah now you use this opportunity to tell on the list

of people who you're going to call yeah give me the list of where Jewels would fall under the numbers you would call

for help the Chinese Triad has you in their layer and they're like you get one phone call well on my phone I have

favorites yeah who's who's in the favorites you're in the favorites you're in my favorites you're in my favorites

really she's in your favorites she's the nend though yeah like she's the second to last name on the favorite who's the

first person you would call Chinese Triad be real I know I'm saying it's not

that who you going to call like oh I'm going to die who are you going to call to get you out of this Chinese Triad uh

situation situation well so they have to talk to the Triad to get me out of the situation that's right yeah

oh then my manager Abby she's good at you're going to call your Hollywood manager yeah call

Abby right now call her she doesn't want to be on the podcast I know but let's put her on she's your manager we can do

whatever we want I mean I could try Ian I don't I don't know what this going to give us here's the deal but

I'll try well it's worth a try right I want you to call her and be like and you but you play you and go I'm captured by

the Chinese Tri oh yeah okay okay okay I need you to help me get out

at the tone please record your message when you finished recording you may hang up or press one for more

options Abby Abby Abby Abby I'm captured by the Chinese try it

gang I'm in here hurry up and they have me in a cage one of those dog cuz they the dog they eat the

dogs I'm the dog eating C eating they going to eat me NE going eat me NE hurry

up I'm so scary I'm

scary go help me this is [ __ ] this is [ __ ] now she going [ __ ] it oh my God

leave your ringer on I'll leave my ringer on oh my oh my God put on VI all right so when they pick up when she

calls back you have to answer you have to answer and you have to be a you have to Fig figure out your name yeah you're

the leader of the Chinese you need be working this stuff out in your head right right now what why you how do you caught me that St why did you capture it

what do you want out of it we got to prepare this so why did you capture me give me the accent

first you have come here she's going to call in any second no but let her surprise us with the accent all right

all right I want to see it's not I'll be

surpris okay so why Chinese TR uh well we're trying to get more publicity and

you're a big name so this is smart we can hold you capture uh maybe we can get

our name out there on bad friends oh they want to be on the podcast oh that's

a really I get on actually really but wait a minute if they kidnap you how

would they get on the podcast because you you mean they're going to use him as his own

collateral yeah kind of weird you get Bobby back if we if they can be on the

show 30 members all 30 how many are in the game it's your impro got you're the

leader of the you create the world we have 26 members and we'd all like to be

part of the podcast 26 yeah pretty good number a lot of people how many door guys we have at this store is that what

it is maybe throwing in you know they better have 26 mics yeah everybody wants a everybody wants a headset can is that

even possible can we buy figure it out yes anything's possible possible 26 mics

what what else is your demands yeah what are the Chinese Tri demands you better have that stuff lined up ab's going is a

manager manager everyone has a rider right I didn't even know we could ask for more all right yeah we just wanted to be

on the podcast I but you're Chinese too so you know when I'm there right when I'm there right I need you know what do

you need dumblings dumplings they need dumplings they love it they can't go out without it you know we need opium they

love the Opium can you get them that yeah okay oh and then no joke like kung

kung flu no jokes yeah no you know what I mean no Trump jokes no Trump jokes don't call that China virus nothing CU

they don't like it yeah I don't no Asian hate no Asian hate right we'll do a Chinese Triad stop Asian hate episode

yeah yeah white girl sounds good you love white girls all right are you prepared you ready I don't think I got a

I have an Asian girl that I want to show you show him this video of this this Asian girl I want to see what your stance is on this as an

Asian-American I really I'm being genuine I want your stance on this I won't even look and you too as foreign no no no you can look at her no I want

to look I be surprised by it is it beautiful I want you just to I just want you to listen to what she has to say I

want to say this from what I see now yeah kind of cute yeah sure yeah I would

probably date her okay let's let's see what she has let me see if you agree with what she says controversial opinion

but if you have a token white and you're hanging out with your friend group of

color you need to ask permission from everybody in the group to bring your white friend like don't just bring them

ask for explicit permission from everyone because just because you're comfortable with them doesn't mean that

everybody's comfortable with them I might not be in the mood to deal with white shenanigans that day that's that's all I'm saying and another thing it

features their ego like don't don't let them think they're a good white person don't don't give them that card to use

against other people please don't do that so what do you think if you I don't like white Shenanigans who does I've

never liked it who does ever since I've been in this country you know yeah you're sick of white [ __ ] around frolicking around so if

you're with a group of Asians do you have to ask permission to bring a

white well I do mention it how do you say I don't get the permission how do you say it yeah I'm I'm coming all right

all right am I different I'm call do I get a different I'm going to call the main guy yeah

Ling no well Ling doesn't yeah but that's why maybe I won't bring you I got it because you already assumed mean

you you come to the and it just feels weird right so you

know mean I think that's on you was that white shenanigans that was

white Shenanigans I walk into a big room of all

agian yeah what are we eating guys so um supp they're all like

you brought supplies no supplies is this how do you feel about

I think I think what he she's saying is kind of true because oh because from

what I've noticed like like like maybe like hooking up with white and like um

Asian people I kind of connect more to the Asian and I don't really connect to the white people and also I don't want

to bring someone who's like Q to Andrew that's weird yeah yeah so so so if you so if it's like you I'd tell them like

oh he's coming he's coming she's saying you have to ask for permission no I'm just going to say oh he's coming I don't

have to ask right yeah you just have to mention it interesting to like warn them

I ask what you what do you say ling I go Ling you know you know at

all I can say you're welcome yeah yeah door Dash um you got backtack meetings

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50% off up to a $20 value and zero delivery fees with door Dash subject to change terms apply I go Ling um I'm

bringing um you know that podcast I do my friends he's like yeah yeah yeah and I go um I'm bringing Andrew right and

he'd be like nah at first oh really and had to pitch it yeah he's honestly that

he's not you know he's not an insurrectionist you got to throw that out there that's

the first thing you have to say yeah like he wasn't there you know I mean on the sixth or whatever right I support it but I wasn't there right right I

wouldn't say that far yeah I wouldn't say that I go you know like if he was on a dating site it would say politically

moderate right moderate I would say moderate right lukewarm you know right right right and I'd be like um he's only

going to be there for like a quick sec pop in pop out he's going to pop in and pop out right and not he's not going to shoot anybody that's not what I mean he

doesn't know he's and then pop out you know what I me going to yeah yeah he's going to say you know

what I mean happy birthday and um he's going to leave and then he'll be like all right and then

it'd be okay yeah but you know honestly though I've never let's be honest what she's doing is insane it's disgusting

it's disgusting it's insane if we're going to talk about it for real that's [ __ ] repulsive Behavior it's very repulsive and it's like you know if a

white person had to ask his white friends can I bring a Korean that's insane what [ __ ] you know no yeah no

well this is this is the problem with I would still have sex with her though yeah 100% would you no if you were single no why because of like she

wouldn't have [ __ ] she wouldn't [ __ ] you because because how she feels about whites [ __ ] it's a big no no I

understand um all joking aside about it it well I did see it and I was like this is we're going backwards I do think it

should be a rule that you should if you invite anybody you should get permission from everybody right but it should mean

contingent upon the color of their [ __ ] skin that's that's crazy talk you're [ __ ] crazy person like you

could tell that she she's had experiences like she doesn't trust them she thinks white people are racist so

this would be funny here's what happened this would be funny though that if you made love to her you finally like for year quartered her right and right when

you're were going to come you look at her and go oh my God it was so

funny like as you know you go Kong oh that'd be so funny and her face oh yeah

no yeah yeah yeah you know what happened though she was hanging out with a group of other Asians and one of them brought a white and she was like oh he's up to

that Shenanigans that's where this comes from someone she knows brought a white to a group she didn't like the white

that's I mean you guys do things that are like shenanigan like so do you like what I mean let's get into it should we

tell them what is the shenanigans Pete should we let them in on what they do no you

guys we really love you guys that's a shenanigan

that's a shenanigan I want to know what her white Shenanigans are what what was what happened to her what Shenanigans

happened Pon face yeah and a clown School broke

out well they probably it could have been like some guy said maybe some Co joke about China you know what I mean

which wasn't that's not shenanigan to me no that's just a bad some people have bad jokes yeah maybe it's like

um like the maybe she had dinner with a white guy and he goes where are you your

sticks Yeah well yeah mean the Chopsticks well did she not bring them bring them she bring you got to keep

that that my gold like solid 24 Kat you know mean ones on my backpack yeah well they can't have them yeah yeah and I

like eating meatloaf with him that's our thing I know yeah that's one of our things yeah you should bring them bring

a white bring hey you know what yeah bring a white bring a white don't tell anybody and bring a white this this this

holiday season surprise your F family with a white yeah what's white Shenanigans Rudy explain to us I don't

know you're young you know you know what's going on no but you're Progressive maybe like you know

sometimes like white people are kind of like entitled mhm and I find it more all

white people are entitled no some some of them or any is is any but I've

noticed that sometimes it's mostly white people that are entitled oh no no no I

think that's interesting the truth is I think we have a perception that's [ __ ] true cuz I'm also scared of white people

yeah it's it's what are you scar what are you scared of I don't know cuz I just feel like because I'm Filipino and Asian I'm more like at the bottom who

does that you do you do that or the whites do that I don't know that's interesting well some whites you know

what I mean feel that but some Asians feel Superior like the Koreans and the well it's Korean and like Chinese they

always feel that so the problem is there's an Asian hierarchy of who thinks who's better than the other one I guess

yeah so that's a you thing so don't blame it on the whites okay take that Asian [ __ ] somewhere else don't talk

to her like that there's something behind that all right you feel

Superior I don't feel superior but I could see how I feel pretty small most of the time

but I can see how um there are certain things I don't have to think about dayto day that uh maybe people of color have

to struggle with or think about and so that's like makes my life easier it's very woke see she's woke she's aware

well that's true some people yeah for sure yeah that's there's some truth to that there is yeah there's a nugget in

there yeah for sure I think that when Bobby walks somewhere he's given the utmost

freedoms goofy short Asian guys you're no one no one is no one thinks anything

negative immediately about you you're not going to walk into a store and they're going to be like watch out for this one you're just going to be you

most of the time if you walk in a store they go look at that little cartoon character come to life because that's

what you look if I owned a shop and you walked in I'd go look at look at this guy it's unbelievable I go look at this

guy I might take a picture of you really unbelievable I go we got to get a photo of this little guy honestly did you see

the little Asian guy that came in here yeah yeah that's

privileg like you literally like I used to have a g Joel mhm and they put fake

hair on the eyebrows and the head MH literally look like that right now A you don't even look like you're human like

it was like placed on you in a factory it was on the white Factory really place you'll never be

able to get to go to you that's the entitlement we have is that we are made in a factory whites are made in a in a fact

in a factory yeah yeah crap that'd be cool to design my own

white make a white oh would love to make a white like build a bear but make a white they should have that in Asia oh I

would love to build a bill yeah build a bill build a bill hi I'm William right

like each like you you walk in and there's a hair yeah right so like blonde is like it'll say $20 black you know

what I mean $6 red free free free red hair yeah yeah yeah it's like it's not even a thing

it's on the ground you know me like hair is on the ground you know what I mean you have to pick it up like this is free

you know what I mean that's number one number two and they realize it's just dyed Asian hair it's just dyed red yeah

it's hair they they grow rats and they just garbage hair like sheep like

sheep what else would you and then you what else could you you get pigmentation well you pick their belly size too for

sure what do you mean whites have a lot of rotun bellies right so like maybe

I'll get the berryer that right you can get maybe you can have like maybe Comics should be the body types right you get

the Theo the Jazz jazzel neck which is probably optimal very expensive yeah

that's a good B yeah yeah I'm going to get the Jud like ah it's $495 what about the crusher how much is

that $450 but then with coupon it's $2 right like with there's a coupon yeah

right so I'll do that and then um so do you have the height that height oh

height so you have the Brad Williams Brad Williams package yeah children

there's a two children or mhm like you wouldn't you wouldn't have a separate

division no for dwarves well why not and and children you would just put them in the one thing

I don't know I don't know you think so you got to

K for the bit oh yeah for for cutting purposes editing purpos editing purp for

editing purposes yes we should have a separate but then but then you're but then you're that's a big store build a

white would be a great white would be great build your white build your what's your perfect white friend build your perfect White friend that Rudy okay um

510 okay it's crazy oh no I'm thinking about a guy I'm going to go with a girl

mhm 5'7 mhm pretty good black hair MH mhm

your nose I got a nice nose yeah thanks rude that makes me so

um um go to titties titties okay first

you get there no lips no lips no lips most whites don't have good lips yeah

and then at all yeah is that is that you're saving money at the store

no you're doing I feel better about myself oh I say I see all right um no

eyebrows okay and then maybe mediumsized boobs medium siiz boobs what's medium

what's medium to you what size is medium in a what's to

you in your mind what's medium 36B is that what's medium to you juice if a girl said I have mediumsized

boobs on the phone you would assume she's what um probably like uh d i don't they go to

like 26 sizes yeah D is medium well cuz they go I wish thought D was big Am I

Wrong they're not too big for me because they go like all the way to z

z no they don't Z and then they go back to double a double B Double D's I think

most people when they hear D they think of Double D's am I learning something there's no Z maybe absolutely no Z but

it goes like to G and H Dolly part what's Dolly Parton cup sizes range from double A to smallest to K is the biggest

but then they double so I think when guys think D's they're thinking Double D's is there Double K probably God I

hope not yeah Double K breasts there's definitely triple k no no that's racist where are those

titties that's so we I don't remember how we even got to how did we get from what we were doing into this I forgot

building a perfect white oh that's right she was building a white oh you're building a white yeah all right my bad what are you going to name your wife

yeah um Kimberly Kimberly is that three names yeah the

last yeah so she's an Asian Lee yeah Kimber no just one name then Kimberly

whoa so her first name is Kimber and her last name is Lee no

Kimberly what's a white last name I mean pick any of pick anything name an inanimate object and just name it it's

like Bob coffee that's a white that's a white guy Kimberly plant Kimberly plant

that's definitely a white Kimberly plant definitely 100% a white person Google Kimberly plant and see if I know you

know there's one I bet there's one in probably La is that Poison Ivy's like um

Regular name Kimberly Queen ferns fresh from Florida a dense Evergreen Fern shapely for that's a real plant Kimberly

plant are you single now rude no wow still with him what's going on there

nothing I'm getting bored but you're getting bored with him don't say what when you say stuff like that he hears it it hurts his feeling you're going to get

a fight with him okay I'm not getting bored yeah yeah but TI

Bobby can I say it yeah I don't know what you're going to say say about something the Bobby brought a girl over

oh oh yeah to to the house so what so

and I told him what if she's crazy and she comes here and then she kills all the dogs and cats this is a valid

question that is what did you say um that it's not like you know I vet people

hold on and yes I agree with you but also she doesn't give up this is how crazy she is she doesn't care about her

killing you or her she's like what if she kills the cats and dogs that's so

interesting that's her instinct is not Instinct what if this woman comes over and murders me it's Bobby what if she

kills the dogs imagine this house is on fire you're outside with all the animals

yeah I'm still I'm on

fire that's what will happen such a high likelihood by the way so high if she

lives downstairs if the house catches on fire downstairs there's no way out from upstairs she's leaving you also getting

the three cats is not going to be easy Noe right and she'll get them me and I'm going to be on fire so

what if you thought what if this girl kills the animals that was your honest question M MH what do you I mean how do

you even answer that I the cops I mean I mean there's things that it's I [ __ ]

up right but it's your fault what if your boyfriend kills the animals yeah

but he's been there for like I don't know he's seen how many times he been there two times does he sleep over no he

can't because because you say no no he can I tell you you can his parents are strict Christi how old is he 19 but he's

been he's been with me for 6 months I forgot that you're 21 and he's 19 oh

that's right young [ __ ] huh uhoh uhoh old the lady it's not like Sher oh my god do you

see shar's boyfriend no what what happened he's he's 40 years younger than

I I love it oh really yeah look at Sher yeah hell yeah Sher look at Sher look

that's not Bono how old is this guy what B what's his name Bono Sunny Bono Bono back up that's a Bono yeah no

no what's this gentleman's name maybe I'm very incorrect Shar 76 he's 36

wow Alexander Edwards she's 76 40 years

could you date someone 40 years different than you older well if it was younger it would be

a 10year old so no oh yeah yeah yeah could you

date a [ __ ] you're right could you date a four-year-old a 96-year-old woman well no you're she be 91 91 yeah

you're 51 91 year old well I mean there are certain things we can't do like what

okay so things we can't do is like surf are you you're not a big Surfer I

know but I'm just saying we can't do it right but you can't just name stuff you can't do because you don't do them at all I know but I still might want to in

the event that later in life you catch the surfing bug and yeah who knows right I might want to get tubular I get it I

get it do right so she can't surve right she can't the hikes probably not that

deep time out real quick you don't even hike you don't hike I I've hiked before though

hi fre hike okay right since I've known you maybe one hike okay so let's do

stuff that you do that she can't do that you actually do in your Bobby Le real life right real life can't do all right

um she probably couldn't um go to The Comedy Store why it's late

oh you're saying she'd be tired cuz remember when Ron Jeremy used to go yeah right Ron Jer used to go to The Comedy

Store sit in the back booth and he would fall asleep and you'd be performing you could run Jeremy s snoring I don't want

that right right I don't want her to completely fall asleep or die well there there's a chance of dying too well that

but that's going to happen in general you're in love with this woman she's going to die if she dies I understand that but the thing is the odds of her

dying like if I brought you know Andreas to The Comedy Store the odds of him

dying sitting in the room is probably one in a million less but yeah probably

I'd say about one in 10 grand yeah maybe 10 one in 10 000 the odds of my wife dying is one in

10 right right and I can't risk that right cuz then I got to I'm on stage she you know what I mean she died

somebody yells I'm right I go I'm in the middle of a set up and you're killing

I'm killing yeah you know mean and so I'm going to have to finish my set you got to finish you have to thank you I'm

more minutes left then you got to go right and then but it's hard to do a set when they're doing CPR

yeah yeah one two right you're still crushing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and that's what the San said you know I mean

yeah pineapple juice for everybody whatever the punch line is right and it's not getting the last get it's weird

right and then you go back there and then you have to Fain sadness oh you okay right because I

feel like when you're 51 and your wife's 91 you're pretty much prepared of the

death so when it happens it's not that shocking you just knew you just did you wish it didn't happen at work right and

you would say that to her all right well forget the com you would hold her hand you would hold her hand yeah yeah and you'd go that's what you get for trying

to steal my moment right something like that rotten hell [ __ ] rotten hell [ __ ] yeah yeah

yeah I can't get that set back right I get yeah I was what else can I do um so

there R horses you don't ride horses have though I know but you but what do you do now that she can't do she cannot

eat a 100 cupcakes a day for example good good call back from the

last podast pod very good you do call backs from other podcast and I love it I got to tell you it's a deep cut as your

as one of your best friends yeah from the way it's laid out right now I don't see this being that big of an issue okay

I'll the final thing I mean it cuz cuz your limited huh sex old people love to

[ __ ] I understand the highest transmission of STDs in the United States is between the elderly now at Old

Folks homes because they're all [ __ ] and they don't care yeah they're ready

to go out I think you could have sex with her yeah some people like to eat pizza that's been in the refrigerator

for four days I love cold pizza I don't like it really you don't like cold ham I

don't like anything like a roast beef sandwich you know sometimes you don't like an old roast beef sandwich yeah I

don't like it you don't like your eggs runny I I don't like I don't like curled

milk really yeah juicy okay

could you date could you date at 40 years difference you're 32 right are you

32 yeah so 72y old could you date a 72y old dude that's as close to this relationship as as you would be closer

to this cuz she he's 36 right or what does he say 36 right 36 and she's

76 it seems awful I I was kind of making fun of B even know that I'm thinking

about it it seems gross well who's at the comedy store that's 72 Argus yeah I don't know could you date Argus

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can even just sell your card of room straight up when you sell your card of room you get a price instantly Bobby bought his uh online CU you know Bobby's

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back and my bum grab yourself some manscape today let's say you f fing with

a guy right and then a million he he he was he

was caught in a fire in his car his car caught in fire so he has like burns on his face like he's he looks like Harvey

Dent right right I don't know who's Harvey dad Harvey yeah two face of Harvey Dead Two Two Face by the way you

know you know speaking of which Jay lenos uh is fine like okay that's Harvey D okay but that's the whole face the

whole face is like that side just the face yes it does it have to be the body yeah his body suffered Burns as well

yeah yeah the whole body's in Burns right the car was on fire it didn't choose where it burn whole thing got burned okay right and

he's handicapped right I bet you you would

leave and we've been in love before you you were deeply in love how long no he was a stranger you just meter yeah no

you're in love how long you were you were you were dating for for a decade for years you've been married for 10 years 10 years married or dating for 10

years yeah you were in love he gets in a fire he he's in a wheelchair right he goes I can't I can't walk anymore but

you what's the chance of a burnt person dying oh my let that sink in no no no no

no stop stop stop stop let that sink in just for a second let the room listen to that

right what's the uh what is the chance of a burn person dying at least let that

sink in in your heart wow cuz I can stay with him for like two

years so you're giving a limit on that on if somebody has a tragedy yeah wow

right so you're saying that if you were in a fire right I wouldn't want someone to stay with me what so you just want to

be left you want to be alone I want to die oh my oh you think life is over

after that yeah this guy became a notorious villain yeah famous famous I don't want to be a villain okay you

already are maybe you'll be in a car accident fire and it'll make you nice again and you won't care about [ __ ]

nonsense that's crazy that's crazy you're a crazy person so you would stay yeah you got to Bobby wouldn't stay yes

he would yes I would he wouldn't yes he would you know what's so funny this is how much that makes me this is how much you don't know him he absolutely would

he is a loyal loyal dude he would stay yeah I wouldn't like it yeah but that that that's a part of life yeah it would

suck right that's a part of life and I would like treat her like [ __ ] hey that's a part of life right

right yeah I wouldn't be around but she would still we' still be together not divorced still be together

she'd be in a room you'd support her right i' hire you'd hire someone to feed her yeah right right and given the

opportunity if she accidentally fell down a couple of stairs yeah or slipped on the driveway because it was very icy

yeah so be it so be it so be it so be it so you know but I wouldn't leave her

okay I won't leave him then okay I'll just be away you'll be away now would you every once in a while say hello yeah

I'll say hello when every Sunday yeah what if he was like Rudy I'll even clean

his butt very nice that's very nice with your mouth yeah oh wow that's pretty good if

he was like Rudy you never come in the room to say hello to me I was wondering

if I could give you some money to maybe just play with my penis for a couple okay I'll do

it really it's money it's about money money

I mean that pie is going look like Denny sausage yeah you're right I mean just got to

flick it around you flick it around all right now you know now you knew you know juic is the opposite she doesn't have

she has that's not for you you would you would stay I might be kind of into

it yeah you know that's what I got about you you're like just a um Heart of Gold you're Heart of Gold you're hippie at

heart I yeah I was raised by you have that Vibe about you when you say hippie she's a hippie in real life

yeah I know yeah I just want to say in we might redefine some things like if his penis stopped working probably you

know what do do you do you collect Crystal I mean I want to see how Hipp you are what's your level you do

crystals I have a lot of crystals are you being real yeah but most of them were given to me by my parents ah yeah

oh number two a lot do you um do the oils like Puli and anything you do oils

instead of perfume um yeah I do like um uh um what do you call them like

tinctures yeah ures yeah yeah so what do you do you do all natural deodorant and stuff like that I do like non-aluminum

deodorant but I don't like read the ingredients all right can I can I ask more questions yeah um is it um

Harry sometimes yeah it's a Grizzly it I don't have like a the same every day

right but do you it or no yeah oh she she she shaves her legs and stuff okay

you shave your armpits yeah do you wish you didn't have to yeah sometimes I think I I have the thoughts of like why

am I doing this because it's like just a thing that humans grow hair and it feels

like it to shave your legs is like a thing to make you look like a little girl cuz that's when you don't have

hairs when you're prep puberty but I still do it because it feels good that's interesting I've never heard of that before do you think that's true I I I

think that's what a woman's perspective of it is but as a man do you think that why do I like shaved legs because I

don't like hairy legs yeah that's me too I don't think that's me too that's me to I think it's

just a normal I don't think men or women think about like oh I'm looking like a little girl but I think that's been why

it's like attractive to us like if if a woman had if a woman had hairy if

like if a woman had hairy legs and was like I refuseed to shave but I would but

I loved her I just I guess you just get used to it but I don't I I don't love it

but yeah I mean but are we conditioned to like that or like are we condition to

like smooth legs yeah yeah because we see hair and we associate that with men because men have very hairy legs they

did that for hundreds of years then yeah probably did when when did shaving your leg start as a woman I

imagine but then there's women I know that are girlfriends that say they like they like shaving their legs and feeling

smooth and no don't want hair same yeah so what does it say in the 1920s the new fashion for sleeveless tops and short

dresses meant that the legs and armpits of American women were now visible in social situations and advertisers sees the opportunity to encourage women to

shave their legs arm that's how long it it's not even that far years before the 1920 they you just said Grizzly people

walking women walking around yeah baby that's insane like that it's weird looking to me and so that let me ask you

something I'll be honest just be honest though right you

love her okay you love her right I do right and she's like come to bed baby

I'm on my way yeah yeah what are you thinking I'm an alcoholic oh you'll be an alcoholic black out I'm blacking out

this is your burn victim yeah yeah that's my that's that's our version of a burn Vic yeah by the way that's insane

you you you do know how crazy that is she's obviously shaved her toes because there's no [ __ ] way your legs are

that hairy and your feet have no hair on them whatsoever there's no [ __ ] way I feel like the wokest person here and I

don't feel woke she's pretty very pretty I don't know her personality might [ __ ] suck but who knows but she's

like into you you're I know how to do it and she's like I don't want to shave my legs I know how to do it what do you do it's easy huh I would go um spill a

bottle of nare on her all the time no whoa no I go whoops let me wipe that you

know you know something that's very important to me is you know not [ __ ]

guys no no no no let me finish right something very important to me is um every girlfriend and I have always had

we were sing Team you shave your legs with her and I shave my legs too because we're faster

yeah in the water that way it has nothing to do with visuals right I just like winning all right I get it right so that's a you know what I mean a huge

thing for so you sucker her arody diamic reasons I like it right shave your legs and then she goes well do not my armpits

I don't need that right I can leave those hairy it does affect it I have a second you know I mean that's still I

just prefer everything so you'll go through this painstaking process of you shaving your whole body and learning how

to swim cuz I don't know how I don't know how to swi right so it's like I have learned how to swim I'll get

in shape but I would go through that process to get her to shave her legs what would you do to get her to shave

her legs yeah I would say I'd like you to shave your legs I know and she would go no and I'd go this is over no be well

you you you loved her and you you going to no I know what would you do I I would go you know look I'm very attracted to

you I I love you I love you the way I love you already and and I would like and I think

we should be more open about our preferences of one another like I'm sure there's things that I do that you don't

really like that much and I'd like you to be candid with me and tell me what I do that you don't really like but that's

what Andrew think about this you give them the power first no you start doing the thing that they don't like right

right and then when they say when they say I don't like when you do that I'll stop doing it if you start shaving your leg yeah you'll do it in exchange that's

right that's it to take exactly right so what is something that she doesn't like she doesn't like she goes I don't like

when you poop with the door open right and I said well I love it because I like the dog to be able to come in and out of the it's one of my favorite things and

eventually she goes you know this is like a red flag for me go you know I'll make an exchange right you shave your legs speaking of flags I'll say that

yeah yeah I'll put up a I'll speaking of flags you'll already have it and I'll throw it right at her legs right so that's I think that's so my swimming and

your I think that's two good ways of doing it yeah yeah would that be convincing girls do you think that's a is that a good exchange I'll lose I'll

stop doing something that annoys you right yeah I think that's the good way to that's a good way to do it what do you do you care it's interesting it's

like uh I do understand why it's probably annoying to shave your legs but do you like having your legs uh shaved

does it feel nice I don't really care like shaving is so tiring so I don't really do it so if you if it was up to

you your leg is hairy right now let's look at your leg it's even ashy there's

no hair well that's a moisturizing problem yeah it doesn't looks like there are any hairs on there's no hair on your leg I don't really grow hair so

okay say that man what the [ __ ] is shaving your armpits annoying yeah

that's annoying do you wish you didn't do that mhm but here's what I might say in defense of that armpit hair makes

your pit smell more that's what I noticed yeah when you do have hair it stinks it [ __ ] stinks so that's an

advantage yeah you would say that to it's just weird in the shower and you're like I'm getting beautiful you're like it's so weird when

you're a human well obviously it's social you're you're on to something juice it's obviously a social construct by a dude to try to uh differentiate

these advertising sales like this is what a pretty woman looks like a young pretty woman looks like this leg these

are the legs on well as a society we were conditioned to think that way before the 1920s no dude went hey can

you shave your leg they never even thought of doing it I'm sure a couple of guys were Keen I'm sure no I know what you really I'm sure there was a couple

of pioneers back then that were like Pioneers I I've asked my wife to uh yeah

and they're like really and she says yes but not the vagina probably no but I don't but hair but vaginas

don't get that hairy yeah I mean they do but like like I've had vaginas over the

course of my life that are like not like trimmed up and I don't give a [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] but that's also not

it's also you can turn it into a game right yeah yeah where is it yeah yeah yeah yeah like a

safari put on my safari hat I A little machetti yeah yeah there's the cave

Wonder yeah think that should be the standard then if we want to if we want no there guys things that guys that you

want guys to do that so I like I actually like hairier guys oh so if a

guy was like shaving his legs I would be like not into that yeah but I don't have a lot of hair on my body so I would have

to get hair we've got to get you some hair yeah I would ask you what would I do you know we have extra body hair

laying around over at uh build a bill come on over to build a bill build a bill we get you some white hair yeah but

yeah but I'm Asian there's no uh huh there's no bilda that's too hairy yeah yeah yeah so

that's too hairy yeah yeah that see that's great that guy's got a sweater that's too that's too hairy I

think so yeah I know a dude that's that hairy I have friends like that too yeah I know people like that but that's not

too abnormal I guess I think that's wild I'm lucky I have no I'm like you I'm like a little Asian boy I have no hair

yeah yeah that's why that's why I do a podcast with you to be honest with you that's in

that's so much hair yeah that's a a lot and they don't like when you shame them well no my

friend what I I don't know what he is good guy yeah good guy and one time

we were at the spa and I heard his feelings what did you say well because you get naked right at the K Spa was like 2: in the morning he took his

clothes out I went and he goes he not don't he goes don't do that I go why that's that funny

yeah he's like I know I'm self-conscious about my hair and I I had to sit down and go you know I'm so [ __ ] sorry that because he was really hurt it

sucked but I laughed would you would have laughed yeah 100% if I did that to him yeah you

would have probably jumped on a cabinet and did a thing you know me and you joined in yeah

yeah yeah i' like yeah yeah so good didn't like it I get it's self it's very self-conscious

they do get self very self-conscious and I'm I'm sure well we all have our things yeah we do we all have all have her

little things yeah what is your thing I think like I think I don't like

uh I never I mean I never it doesn't bother me but redheaded thing is always

kind of like a uh it's an easy stupid joke that people can make like it's just

like a because I look it's so obvious that I'm there yeah it's funny like growing up I

when I saw redhead people I never thought of that at all we're we're always the butt of a joke until later in

life people made jokes everybody does and in my mind I was like oh we should make fun of them then yeah but it's like

not something that I instinctually thought what you people are very comfortable making fun of or taking like

a dumb shot at a redhead it's a it's like annoying when adults do it yeah it's stupid like a guy like a guy will

say like uh like they'll use a child term like a fir crotch term where it's like it was

funny when we were kids I got why people laughed when we were kids but then as an adult you're like this is so lame but

it's like it's such a common it's almost like we're like the last Bastion of you

can make fun of and everyone collectively agrees it's okay to make fun of redheads yeah those old school

way if I went to a black guy and I was like oh and I said something about his hair oh my God exactly and everyone

communally would be like you can't do that but if a black dude was like look at this orange ass [ __ ] everybody would laugh yeah yeah I I've

noticed it's like we're the only ones you're allowed to make fun of without someone going hey man that's not okay

yeah to a group I mean groups but I feel like that's like you know years ago when I used to do the road every show and I

used to count I I would tell openers check this out every show afterwards some white person will come up to me and

do an Asian accent mhm and they'll come up to and go M very funny tonight you know what I mean or something like that

and I had to eat it right but that hasn't happened in like 10 years well you guys when you come see us on the

road start doing that right we'll be yeah in your city we're going to be coming in fact if you do that if you

have the balls to do that well no they will they absolutely will okay this is how let's give them we let's give them

one phrase that they have to say they have the balls they have to be a crazy sentence okay right so what's what's crazy well you know mean you tell me

yeah yeah flat face that's good hey hey flat

face yeah yeah Haro Harrow flat face right that's a good opener right strong

yeah yeah yeah little dick make her f face little

dick make uh ching chong little dick make

ching chong uh uh um little China something about Little China yeah yeah little CH what is that

what's the phrase I'm thinking of uh big Tokyo Little Tokyo what is it uh I we're

making way to trouble little China big trouble little China oh that's good so thank you Pete yeah hey um fir phras you

I mean what's what did he say he just big trouble little China big trouble little

China good movie no no no no when I see when say when I see your

well you say I want cuz I want to hear from a white person nope hey hey fph right when I see ching chong you I want

big trouble in nor China that's right so that's the line right and I want you say with a thick accent at show and you know

what if you do say it you get a hug from me big hug a big hug big hug and you get a kiss from me you have to say it loud

so everyone around you can hear it the whole room you can't whisper it you go hey Mr you can't do that no you got to

yell it as loud as you can you you got you got to go like that

breakast ching chong make whatever yeah yeah loud you has be loud by the way I

love how you were like I love how you just were like I had to put up with it for years and I hated it now you

wanted you miss you missed the racism let me say something to you yeah thank you for being a bad friend thank you for

being a bad no no thank you more thank you and the holidays are approaching us oh I can't wait and and every time we do

the show now until the end of the year I want all of us to end the show by saying one thing that we're thankful for Rudy

go ahead I'm thankful for being in the bad Friends Podcast okay I don't believe

that but that's very nice very nice juice I'm thankful for all my friends and family lovely

Pete uh I'm thankful for my beautiful children my wife gay what why okay why

is it and then fancy I'm thankful for you

guys I'm thankful for my bathroom because of the toilet it's fancy it's

got a little mechanism in the side and it's got 80 options right mhm so gyrating you know what I mean um do what

do you call it you got du you got it right duvet is a bed cover VI what VI

B what does say it on the thing mhm can I start over start over go ahead you yeah so I'm

thankful for my bathroom right has a g rating has 80 options

uhuh yeah I think you I think I can't do I I think you missed the the point of

what I was doing what are you doing trying to get everyone to say something nice yeah I like that the toilet is what

you're thankful for everybody in this room thank this room basically lying oh they're lying

she's lying I'm thankful for being a bad friend [ __ ] I'm not lying I believe I

believed her I'm thankful for [Laughter] um my life damn thank you

Lord wow what wow it's your life or the [ __ ] do yours do yours we get out I

am thankful for your friendship all right I think means a lot to me that's

you don't mean that because when I call you yeah yeah and you know how excited I get when I hear your voice the moment

you say hello I get a smile on my face and I go hey Bob because I'm

thankful can I do mine over mhm I'm thankful

for if you say the toilet again that's what I want to say I think

it for you all right thank you for being a bad friend

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