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two are bad friends
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or something we're bad friends
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welcome to the Spooktacular well Friends
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Halloween Halloween
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oh
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welcome to bad Friends Halloween episode
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everyone say who they are Bobby go I am
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Jeffrey Dahmer is one of his victims the
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Filipino guy he ate
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no I'm I'm Elvis Presley how you doing
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this guy over here is my good friend
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Elvis Presley how are you doing Dad why
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don't you eat one of the sandwiches I
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made for you
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that's real that's really good what does
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he say that's just uh it's some fish I
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cooked earlier that's why it smells over
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there it's not because of young black
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men's bodies rotting in the fridge yeah
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it stinks because I'm I let some meat go
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bad
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so good I really messed it up this time
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huh Dad yeah oh Dad I'm in a real
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stinker now
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it's so good he would kill someone and
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they go you know I made a real stinker
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this time yeah
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I'm in a real conundrum
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someone's like uh Jeffrey you severed
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his head yeah too many crickets I never
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knew it was gonna come to this
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yeah I'm Jeffrey D baby and let's throw
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it to the girls what's up what are you
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supposed to be
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I'm Mother Teresa Asian Filipino virgin
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who likes to also kill people and maybe
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spank babies
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I remember I've read that when I was a
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kid
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what part of the world are you from
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again yeah
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Persia from Persia from an Asian
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Filipino nun who loves to kill people in
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Spanish
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um
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used to be
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I'm a sick dog
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say it again I'm a sick dog a sick of
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dog what does a sick dog sound like like
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this I don't know dogs can't talk but
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I'm no don't they go
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do we no that's what they do yeah when
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the cone is because you're sicker
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because you didn't want you to because
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you just got uh spayed or neutered yeah
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they took my [ __ ] out
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[Laughter]
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yeah exactly they do it for the bigger
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Dog Days of course yeah like a little
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like a little like a yogurt Yorkshire
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Terrier if she wants to [ __ ] a pit bull
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they probably get that operation ah I
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didn't think of it like that yeah think
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of it that way who loves pit bulls black
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black people and what do they have you
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eat them big dick your character eats
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them sometimes I eat a couple of black
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guys it's not mine their skin is
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beautiful no when I saw that that show
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is that racism
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oh yeah it is he loves black people oh
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we don't interpret it that way though I
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do I I know you love something you eat
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it but think of it this way I love black
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guys
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for any questions okay so so check it
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out yeah so basically it's in the 90s
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you did this
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sure yeah
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did you listen to Nirvana or did you
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like the music or yeah I mean in bloom
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is a great song that's right so what I'm
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saying is never mind okay in the 90s
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listen to me okay in the 90s in
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Wisconsin what there was like four
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Filipinos dude you ate one Filipino
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that's basically wiping half the [ __ ]
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Filipino [ __ ] population six quarter
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if you do it yeah right so how is that
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not racism
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because I'm I basically am showing
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praise for how much I love those jungle
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Asians right right but it's
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but why didn't you eat whites
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they're not my flavor they don't oh they
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don't taste good yeah imagine like this
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what's your least favorite food mine
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yeah
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um meatloaf
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why people are meatloaf to me oh that's
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true and you like filet mignon and black
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people are basically filet mignon right
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what about the Filipino guy you well
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Philip it's just a little something
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spicy you're right a little spicier you
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need something you need to Shake it Off
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You Ever Had balut
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yeah
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it's basically Filipino guys hello yeah
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that's great honestly yeah I don't think
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he was racist I think he was a piece of
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[ __ ] oh no that but I think he really
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loved black guys he was upset he thought
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they were beautiful listen Okay I killed
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him because he was bad head a bad mind
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he's a legend he's a Hall of Famer he's
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a Pioneer what no he is
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he's a legend Pioneer yeah right yeah
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and he also is
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um somebody that opened the doors for
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other serial killers right yes yes
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I'm giving them props right thank you
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I'm just right in terms of the serial
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killer world if there was like a Hall of
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Fame you walked in you go oh there's oh
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yeah sure in the Hall of Fame right yeah
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right so but the the but the racism I
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could accept it's not really the eating
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and the cannibalism okay the racism I
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draw the line there he will be canceled
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today he'd be canceled today but just
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because they don't allow cannibalism
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anymore no and it used to be cool man
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all right no but you know what how is it
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racist it'd be racist if he never ate
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black people and he'd be like I don't
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like the taste of black people that'd be
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racist right instead he was like they're
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so beautiful I want to rub their soft
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chocolate skin he was obsessed it could
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be you know I hate them so much I gotta
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eat them no because no because he didn't
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he do it to whites did he eat any whites
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bring up the list of people
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he had to have eaten a white or two I
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know and he found out that he did like
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the taste but we're talking about
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Wisconsin if we were talking about you
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know I mean South Central Milwaukee well
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there's more blacks obviously
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at the 90s there can't be a lot of work
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you actually don't know what you're
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talking about Milwaukee is is very
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diverse it is okay my bad my bad it has
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a very big black community yeah yeah
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isn't all meat taste it tastes the same
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[ __ ]
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yeah doesn't all human meat taste the
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same yeah no no you don't taste the same
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as me yeah yeah I'm more I'm more pure
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but we're the same inside no we're not
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that's what they tell you in school no
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it's your here's the thing the air you
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breathe the food you eat it all affects
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the meat that's right the stress you
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seem very stressful jewels
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my name zoom in
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go both ways Richard Guerrero Mexican
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Jeremy Weinberger that's my age that's
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white yeah Jeremy doc Jamie dokstar
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White no Ricky B Jamie doxitator Doc's
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Tater doctor's black dictator Doc's
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Tater white guy all right Ricky beaks
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white guy Oliver Lacy white guy what
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about conorack Cynthia phone okay
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Filipino yeah yeah Ernest Miller white
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Tony Hughes maybe could be black Joseph
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Brady hoft white guy
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Matt Turner I mean we don't know yeah we
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don't know it's too fast Anthony Sears
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again no black David Thomas black that's
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white guy no Tom Dave Thomas says
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Wendy's his owner he was white yeah but
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the C [ __ ] it up yeah
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David [ __ ] Thomas yeah Edward Edward
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White Smith W Smith white you know when
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they throw the W in no but it's Edward
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White Smith you're right I'll give you
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that I'll give you that I'll give you
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that all right so the dominant amount of
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these names seem to be white guys yeah
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but you just make you're making
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assumptions I think so the documentary
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was racist because they only showed the
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black murders I get what you're saying
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okay okay quite frankly I like men of
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all shapes sizes and colors yeah I was
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actually offended the documentary only
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showed me attacking black people no I
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attacked everybody now if you went to
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the serial killer Hall of Fame where
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would you be more excited to go oh John
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Wayne Gacy that'd be fun uh the clown
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makeup do you think they still have it
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yeah they probably have it I would look
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up the brand
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how much is that painting well how much
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is a John Wayne oh my God so how much is
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the John Wayne Gacy honestly how much
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let's go to better than George W bush is
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in terms of the price
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Wayne Casey
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how much how much are these paintings
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worth yeah look at that one
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pretty good how much is it a thousand
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a thousand right now I could buy that
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now let's buy John Wayne Gacy paintings
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for the studio yeah
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too scary but it doesn't the money
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doesn't go to
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him it goes to his kids and they need
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them he needs a better art dealer
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yeah should we deal art for him are
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these prints or these Originals there's
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no way these are Originals that seems
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like a print yeah they're print do you
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original original what if we got into
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the business of selling cereal
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that'd be cool Bobby artifacts even well
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yeah I have one of Ed gein's lampshades
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that he used the skin you know what I
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mean
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well I would probably charge 100 grand
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for it at least dude this is Ed geens
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yeah this is lamp skin lambskin lambskin
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yeah didn't he do that yes yeah take the
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skin yeah and made lampshade and then
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when you turn on the light do they say
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I'm gonna turn on the light or did they
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say I'm gonna turn on Stephanie
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panel over your head you you can take
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the kennel off I feel like I'm gonna
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throw up but I might eat it after take
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the kennel off what did that painting
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say ten thousand dude ten thousand dude
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that's it let's buy that's it we gotta
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buy it let's buy it does she need help
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taking us off let's get this let's get
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some music put to this her taking a
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great now you're free
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put that closer to your face lower it
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down so we can see your dog face oh oh
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and you went to go lick yourself oh
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that's good screwed it down for hold on
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oh
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very good shot tonight
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thank you so we just did a bad friends
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uh live at The Comedy Store we're doing
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a tour next year we're gonna announce
00:11:18
the dates at some point juicy was on it
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killed it
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[Music]
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foreign
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killed it killed it yeah and where were
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you Jules
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um I'll get the mic again God I was
00:11:40
sleeping sleeping she's sleeping yeah
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you know when I'm on a Town what invited
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her you invited her you bought her you
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bit her
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I am biting her it's never gonna get old
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with me when this guy's accident I on
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bitey here
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you've been here for 25 years invite say
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Vite fight no not fight fight with a V
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fight there it is bite I invited her I
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invited and what did she say when you
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invited her to the to the live show she
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said I'll show up to bad friends later
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wow
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yeah do you feel like you're above us
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now no yeah I just feel like sleep is
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more important than than your
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relationship with your titles
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um yeah
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okay so backstage wow who was backstage
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tonight you me Ari shaffir all right
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Madness who Kanye does not like also so
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him and me and Ari Madness you saw we
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had it out and we headed out Santino
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came in after and we filled him in I
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heard yeah well you jerked off to his
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girlfriend yeah what with his penis with
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his penis well you didn't use his penis
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but well I saw it though his penis was
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in yeah but in a way you jerked off with
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his penis to his girlfriend in a woman
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because when you're watching a porn you
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imagine that you imagine that's your
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penis yeah so I was using you know I
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mean he was my penis what'd you say to
00:13:02
him I just basically said it's not right
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and I kind of I think I was mean like
00:13:07
your comedy career didn't yeah yeah he
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said that he said that yeah he said you
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were mean he already came in really sad
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that was really mean and then when you
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left I was a little bit more I mean I
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said I called him a willow tree I said
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you're a willow tree and he was what
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does that mean I said I like them but
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God are they [ __ ] miserable yeah yeah
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you know that I wish I could have came
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up with that but I mean but he's a
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lovely human and we love him and look
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yeah I love him forever it's just
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jealousy I told him he was jealousy well
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he's you're jealous that he's a bigger
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[ __ ] than you and it looks nice and it's
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a better it's better all around that's
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all yeah I can admit that as a man right
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it's okay yeah yeah I mean have you seen
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it yeah you think yours is better yeah
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okay
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I'll get it no a guy's got a nice pipe
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yeah yeah guy's got a nice pie it's nice
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it's pretty good though I got a nice pup
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too yeah pretty good food Daddy's got a
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nice pup too yeah but this is not about
00:13:58
pipe you see my pipe oh yeah yeah oh
00:14:01
yeah excellent and by the way for
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everyone that's coming to the bad
00:14:03
Friends tour good good next year no no
00:14:06
don't be a dick good pipe pretty good
00:14:08
pretty good for my type for your size
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thank you for your shape really okay
00:14:13
you know how like uh you know how they
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teach kids shapes when they have to put
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them like they have to put the Octagon
00:14:18
thing in the Box the Octagon yeah uh you
00:14:21
would they should also have a Bobby Lee
00:14:22
one they should have like a square a
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triangle a circle an octagon a Bobby Lee
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it's like a bowling pin right you know
00:14:28
what I mean yeah yeah they should throw
00:14:30
a box you're a shape you're a unique I
00:14:34
want to hear more about this
00:14:36
if you were a shape what shape would you
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be
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oh I would be an F figure eight
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figure an infinity sign but a vertical
00:14:46
infinity sign exactly what would you be
00:14:48
juice oh my God
00:14:50
are really putting me on the spot here
00:14:52
that's the whole show
00:14:55
I think I would be a heart
00:14:59
you'd knock it out of the park you
00:15:01
pretended like I don't know what I'm an
00:15:03
attempt of heart you knew I needed time
00:15:04
to think yeah what would you be
00:15:06
can't be
00:15:08
cross oh yeah that's a good shape that's
00:15:11
a what shape are you you know what shape
00:15:13
I am I don't know just go ahead and say
00:15:14
it fire
00:15:15
is that a shape
00:15:19
look at that fire Emoji yeah okay I
00:15:22
meant more traditional of like like a
00:15:24
what could be a it could be a cookie
00:15:26
cutter what could be a cookie cutter
00:15:27
something
00:15:28
I'll take it I was giving you a free
00:15:32
joke go ahead what is it gingerbread man
00:15:33
yeah gingerbread man oh that's a joke oh
00:15:35
yeah come on I mean you know yeah what
00:15:36
else looks like I mean what am I it says
00:15:38
whole brand it's my whole thing come on
00:15:41
yeah I don't see you as a redhead I am
00:15:44
though I know but I don't see you as one
00:15:45
what do you see me as
00:15:47
a best friend what a friend but a tall a
00:15:51
friend a friend tall best friend you one
00:15:53
of my best friends a tall handsome comic
00:15:56
yeah it was very talented come on why
00:15:58
you make me blush no that's what I see
00:16:00
you I don't see the red look if you were
00:16:02
black I'd probably kill you and eat you
00:16:04
right now you had to go there but you're
00:16:06
not yeah I appreciate you saying that I
00:16:08
love you by the way but I have a dilemma
00:16:10
oh
00:16:13
so I was um girls it's a girl dilemma I
00:16:16
think you know about it what so I was on
00:16:19
hinge oh you asked them on hinge or they
00:16:22
ask you is that yeah well I they they
00:16:24
like me the girl likes you and then you
00:16:26
get to respond I like you too got it so
00:16:29
I like this girl and there was a photo I
00:16:31
don't want to get into it but there was
00:16:32
a photo of um
00:16:34
you know the story
00:16:36
she's doing something in the photo where
00:16:37
I can go oh I can Google her
00:16:44
she's not in the business
00:16:47
she has Fame but but you know the first
00:16:49
photo something like that yeah second
00:16:52
one is like a musician right I put the
00:16:54
the thing in the photo where I go she's
00:16:56
somebody musician put the name in and
00:16:58
there was articles about her stabbing
00:17:00
her boyfriend a mug shot oh is this the
00:17:03
woman that killed her boyfriend recently
00:17:04
I don't know she didn't she didn't the
00:17:06
guy survived are you sure yeah because I
00:17:09
read all the Articles through is it is
00:17:11
it up to date uh yeah it's pretty up
00:17:12
today I think he died but I but she
00:17:15
messaged me what did she say I'm down
00:17:17
she goes no no you know she goes oh my
00:17:20
God I can't believe you're Bobby Lee
00:17:21
whatever you know what I mean huh and
00:17:22
I'm thinking about why not
00:17:24
I'll tell you why I'll tell you
00:17:25
literally why not tell me why she
00:17:27
stabbed the last guy she was with I know
00:17:29
but what did he do I'm not going to do
00:17:30
the same thing that's true right what if
00:17:33
she finds new things to stab guys over
00:17:35
that's true yeah you could you could do
00:17:37
something else I just feel like it's a
00:17:38
part of her behavior stabby culture yeah
00:17:41
yeah and do you want to be under that
00:17:42
but don't but don't you think that
00:17:44
that's like an extra like excitement in
00:17:46
terms of like well like it's not today
00:17:48
no oh no will I get stabbed today yeah
00:17:50
yeah when I wake up in the morning yeah
00:17:53
the one thing I find relief in the fact
00:17:55
that the partner that I have and have
00:17:57
lived with is that she won't [ __ ]
00:17:59
stab me that's the number one thing on
00:18:02
my mind yeah you know what she ain't
00:18:04
gonna stab me oh is that what it is yeah
00:18:06
yeah yeah yeah so let's get you with a
00:18:08
girl who definitely will not stab you at
00:18:09
all and maybe really pretty
00:18:12
give her a try
00:18:14
you never know right yeah you got to
00:18:16
give her a try right and if I hear
00:18:19
yeah baby baby what is that nothing
00:18:23
she's not Asian creepy crawly skeletons
00:18:27
but let me tell you something yeah
00:18:29
outside outside of that you're hinge or
00:18:32
you're dating online has been great it's
00:18:33
been okay it's been great you've been
00:18:35
calling me you're telling you know what
00:18:36
I noticed what did I say to you when you
00:18:37
walked in The Comedy Store tonight what
00:18:38
did I say you look like you what unload
00:18:41
you look like you've been unloading you
00:18:43
look like you're less tense you look
00:18:44
like you've been having stuff come out
00:18:45
of you and you look like you're loose
00:18:47
and light you were light on stage
00:18:48
tonight you were real light it's a gravy
00:18:50
what oh your spunk is gravy it's like
00:18:54
thick chunky right is it brown yeah oh
00:18:57
boy yeah we'd have to get that checked
00:18:58
out I think the Biscuit's coming
00:19:00
a biscuit kind so you have biscuit you
00:19:03
have sausage well you know like
00:19:04
sometimes gravy and it has the chunks in
00:19:06
it like sauces and stuff gravy on my
00:19:07
face it looks just like that sausage
00:19:09
gravy on my face it's great
00:19:11
and they said she has a chew on it what
00:19:14
yuck yeah and it's gross it's a cream
00:19:16
corn by the way thick it's unusually
00:19:18
thick that's the honest fruit creamed
00:19:20
corn yeah is that cream corn is that
00:19:22
Bobby yeah that's a Bobby special yeah a
00:19:24
little bit of cream corn yeah does that
00:19:25
make you gross well you're talking about
00:19:27
wanting to get more ladies and then you
00:19:30
present this yeah but it's also oh no
00:19:32
she's right though it is yeah because
00:19:34
here's the deal just because it's a
00:19:36
comedy show you could still fish for
00:19:37
some for some pool
00:19:38
then ask me again we'll do it as Elvis
00:19:42
that's better already
00:19:44
Elvis what do you what do you find Elvis
00:19:47
what kind of girl are you looking for
00:19:49
love me hey how you doing
00:19:52
that was really good keep doing keep
00:19:54
going do it again how you doing
00:19:57
well just saying what Love Me Tender
00:20:02
Love Me Do
00:20:05
bro you could legit be Asian Elvis dude
00:20:09
get my hopes up it was one of my dreams
00:20:11
don't don't build the 100 serious right
00:20:13
now when we do bad friends live you have
00:20:15
to come out as Asian Elvis yeah yeah how
00:20:17
are you doing every two shows give me
00:20:20
another song When You Love Me Tender you
00:20:21
have to say Rover oh yeah let me do it
00:20:23
again go ahead Asian Elvis go ahead rob
00:20:25
me
00:20:28
[Music]
00:20:32
this is incredible give me another song
00:20:34
then uh uh uh uh Jailhouse Rock sing a
00:20:37
little bit just do gents into the
00:20:39
Jailhouse Rock
00:20:43
real good okay
00:20:46
I can't help falling in love I Can't
00:20:50
Help Falling in Love foreign
00:21:07
[Laughter]
00:21:15
well I could do both it gives it a
00:21:18
different level of like you know
00:21:19
complexity I know yeah but stick to just
00:21:21
Asia
00:21:23
all right
00:21:25
[Music]
00:21:26
you know what I've been on the road a
00:21:29
lot and um
00:21:31
I have I was in Hawaii and some other
00:21:32
places and I only use doordash because
00:21:34
they're the best right if you got
00:21:36
back-to-back meetings errands to run and
00:21:38
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00:21:39
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00:21:41
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00:21:42
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00:21:44
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00:21:45
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00:21:48
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00:21:49
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00:21:51
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00:21:53
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00:21:55
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00:21:56
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00:22:00
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00:22:02
tonight Bob I want to eat pizza but
00:22:04
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00:22:05
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00:22:07
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00:22:08
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00:22:10
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00:22:12
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00:22:43
terms apply Viator oh my God Andrew you
00:22:47
know I used to take vacations I would
00:22:49
end up on an island or the Alps or
00:22:51
somewhere yeah and I'd be like what does
00:22:53
it do this what am I doing I don't even
00:22:54
know what to do you have nothing going
00:22:55
on yeah but now yeah I would just sit
00:22:57
there in my hotel room but not confused
00:22:58
yeah right but now with Viator yeah
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00:23:37
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00:23:39
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00:23:41
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00:24:01
do it again
00:24:06
wait it's is what are we doing
00:24:08
suspicious yeah yeah we can't go on we
00:24:11
can't go on together Suspicious Minds we
00:24:14
can't go on together ah still you still
00:24:17
go yeah you're right yeah you can't go
00:24:19
on to get the yes it's suspicious
00:24:24
pretty good I took the Down Syndrome out
00:24:26
this is so good it's so good right I'm
00:24:29
not kidding you think you're doing my
00:24:30
own movie maybe or what live show I'm
00:24:33
writing one right now in my head right
00:24:35
who would play um the kernel uh the guy
00:24:38
from Doctor Strange yeah yo yeah yeah
00:24:40
yeah yeah yeah perfect oh my God and who
00:24:42
would play um yeah who would it be
00:24:46
um Aquafina Aquafina
00:24:50
I'll call her up do it it'll be great
00:24:52
but what's the story is he does he is he
00:24:54
from Memphis or is he from Tokyo
00:24:57
you know do you know there's a place
00:24:59
called Memphis Japan oh yeah he's from
00:25:01
Memphis Japan for Japan yeah that's
00:25:03
great yeah show him Memphis Japan and
00:25:06
you're from Memphis Japan and what's
00:25:07
your story who found you
00:25:09
the Snowman
00:25:11
the what the Snowman the Snowman what
00:25:14
does that mean I don't know again what
00:25:15
does that mean the car now the colonel
00:25:17
oh they call them snowman my bad yeah
00:25:19
look Memphis Japan has a festival by the
00:25:21
way well that's great so check this out
00:25:25
you know how they say black uh Elvis
00:25:26
told music from black people in your
00:25:29
version a black person found you in
00:25:31
Memphis Japan and brought you back to
00:25:33
the United States yeah and can my
00:25:36
character have a pet Godzilla
00:25:41
how about this I fly on Mothra
00:25:45
I just feel like it needs to have that
00:25:46
okay okay we're gonna check with
00:25:49
somebody
00:25:50
hey everybody
00:25:52
Elvis here right say hi to Mothra right
00:25:56
and Mother's Day
00:25:59
right that'd be cool right yeah
00:26:03
run that I get on the boat bye-bye
00:26:07
and I just fly off to the top that'd be
00:26:09
cool ending I do think it is
00:26:12
I will yeah I will but honestly I don't
00:26:15
know if we're gonna get it financed we
00:26:17
might have to self-finance this one we
00:26:19
gotta incorporate nagasak and Hiroshima
00:26:21
a little bit oh interesting here's the
00:26:23
deal
00:26:24
you grew up you grew up in one of those
00:26:27
places right now each and Elvis grew up
00:26:29
in Nagasaki right and you got out
00:26:30
because it's in the 60s right it's the
00:26:33
50s
00:26:34
yeah well what because Elvis happened in
00:26:37
the 50s right but the 40s is when it
00:26:39
happened right so it's 10 years after
00:26:42
Nagasaki there's still radiation that's
00:26:45
why you don't still have Mothra in it
00:26:47
you know what happened right a southern
00:26:48
guy was visiting Japan
00:26:50
here we go he was in Nagasaki at the
00:26:53
time the bomb goes coincidentally the
00:26:55
bomb goes off he was thrust into your
00:26:57
body a little age a regular little Asian
00:26:59
man who could sing on the streets who
00:27:00
would sing in Japanese you boom hit each
00:27:02
other well you know how sometimes a guy
00:27:04
gets into an accident and he opens up a
00:27:06
part of his brain that he never really
00:27:07
had an age a Southern Man boom smashes
00:27:09
into a little Asian boy who is singing
00:27:11
in the street could it'd be like more
00:27:12
like there's a southern guy there right
00:27:14
I'm an Asian boy right that's exactly
00:27:16
what I've said I know but what you're
00:27:17
saying is that our bodies Collide can it
00:27:19
be more like
00:27:21
um his ghost
00:27:22
goes into my mouth
00:27:24
potato potato I feel like
00:27:27
but they're like
00:27:29
oh maybe the bomb does that the ball I
00:27:31
just
00:27:33
all right I said the bomb all right and
00:27:35
then when he comes to he goes I'm All
00:27:37
Shook Up
00:27:38
my mother took up
00:27:41
I'm all a shook up why do I teach you
00:27:45
how to do this oh you started teaching
00:27:47
me I know I I just got to roll I just
00:27:49
got the rum just for figuring it out
00:27:52
and then his leg starts dancing
00:28:02
that the women are screaming because if
00:28:05
they have radiation but they're really
00:28:06
screaming because of my legs
00:28:09
don't worry no no your legs okay okay
00:28:17
yeah right and then how do I right so
00:28:20
how do I Rise oh by the way what how do
00:28:23
we know how do you rise the same no no
00:28:25
check it out check it out all right I'm
00:28:27
checking it so who's Hank Williams who's
00:28:29
the guy that he opened with in the
00:28:32
beginning oh I think yeah some Hank was
00:28:34
was it Hank Williams it was something
00:28:35
maybe it was maybe it was Hank Williams
00:28:37
I'm just trying to get you a party
00:28:42
do I open up for you yeah but you're
00:28:45
Japanese Hank Williams oh
00:28:50
very good give me any of his songs give
00:28:53
me one song I don't know anything good
00:28:55
but so I open up for you but that's
00:28:57
funny I think you should go always go oh
00:28:59
oh that's your thing before you say
00:29:00
everything when I come out on stage
00:29:02
ladies and gentlemen Hank Williams
00:29:04
but you're not hey
00:29:07
I said Hank with a u hanku hanku luirium
00:29:11
yeah yeah ready yeah ladies and
00:29:15
gentlemen
00:29:17
yeah yeah and then go ahead
00:29:25
do you have a Thomas hunting up for me
00:29:29
can I come in I do a duet with you how
00:29:32
about this during
00:29:34
Suspicious Minds I bring you back
00:29:37
Upstate you got it right
00:29:39
we harmonize yes harmonized suspicious
00:29:43
yeah one two three what's the line we
00:29:46
can't go on all right one two three one
00:29:50
two three
00:29:53
[Laughter]
00:29:59
hold on all right okay wait let's get
00:30:02
the car right where are you at we
00:30:30
[Laughter]
00:30:47
[Music]
00:30:52
we could do shirts
00:31:10
maybe the pointers did The Pointer
00:31:12
Sisters have anything to do with it you
00:31:13
got to go a little bit further back oh
00:31:15
that really got it further back yeah
00:31:17
you guys could be you guys could be uh
00:31:19
uh uh uh Billy Holiday oh why don't we
00:31:23
do that very hard
00:31:36
yeah
00:31:38
by the way we're both still white guys
00:31:41
they've suddenly become black women yeah
00:31:42
you're Barry Howard day and your era for
00:31:45
chiro yeah yeah all right so so you guys
00:31:47
got to sing cheek to cheek this is this
00:31:50
is the scene where we meet them for the
00:31:51
first time ah yeah right so they have to
00:31:53
do their role oh yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:31:56
everybody
00:31:57
this is oh right what's your name
00:32:02
very
00:32:11
[Music]
00:32:14
Fury we love your music we rob it thank
00:32:18
you
00:32:20
yeah Jules is jules's version of doing
00:32:22
it is just for putting her teeth on her
00:32:24
on her lips
00:32:26
because she's doing the buck tooth I get
00:32:29
it I love it you're doing the buck teeth
00:32:30
buck teeth is great I love it look if
00:32:32
this doesn't get picked up by a record
00:32:34
label I don't know what I don't know
00:32:35
what what else this is the movie yeah
00:32:38
and then like you know uh Mothra will be
00:32:41
in it
00:32:45
oh my God by the way yeah I wanted to
00:32:48
tell you because I wanted to call you
00:32:49
after I watch I watched the um the the
00:32:51
Vatican the little girl that gets
00:32:53
kidnapped out of the Vatican what
00:32:55
what don't say Vatican and just do that
00:32:58
I don't think I don't have to watch this
00:32:59
there's a little girl that gets
00:33:00
kidnapped out of the Vatican there's a
00:33:02
story that's on Netflix right now about
00:33:03
a little have you guys seen it Carlos
00:33:04
have you seen it
00:33:06
Emmanuel Orlando
00:33:08
Emmanuela or 1960s no no she was born
00:33:11
she was kidnapped in 1983. and she was
00:33:14
she went missing she walked outside of
00:33:16
the walls of the Vatican and she went
00:33:17
completely missing this whole thing
00:33:18
about how it's really inside the Vatican
00:33:21
actually had her kidnapped on the
00:33:22
outside of the Vatican dude and what
00:33:24
happened I can't die yeah you don't know
00:33:28
did they find her did that move dude oh
00:33:30
my God stop stop stop
00:33:35
what what what is that moving it's
00:33:39
it's [ __ ]
00:33:44
fancy is that a trick that you're doing
00:33:45
be real fancy
00:33:48
that's George
00:33:50
wait that physical skeleton is George
00:33:52
yeah oh okay oh wow that tree makes me
00:33:55
feel a little bit better a little bit
00:33:55
better knowing he's gone that was really
00:33:57
scary dude that actually scared the [ __ ]
00:33:59
out of me you scream no
00:34:02
you know what we haven't done in a long
00:34:04
time and we should do on the show now
00:34:05
what is tell our ghost stories which
00:34:07
ones you got any new ghost stories by
00:34:08
the way I don't have any new ones I got
00:34:10
one tell me I got a very new ghost story
00:34:12
that just happened not too long ago
00:34:15
[Laughter]
00:34:20
okay yeah
00:34:23
you have to spit on it
00:34:26
why why well I love sitting on George
00:34:29
[Laughter]
00:34:31
when the Philippines used to spit on
00:34:33
ghosts yep like that oh it works wait a
00:34:36
minute
00:34:40
wait a minute
00:34:42
you just spit on it you don't
00:34:46
um to be prepared you just like when you
00:34:49
go in the forest you just spit
00:34:51
everywhere so you
00:34:53
before you go to a [ __ ] four off you
00:34:55
go are you ready you have to spit wait a
00:34:57
minute yeah I got the spit you got are
00:34:59
ghosts scared of spit I don't know this
00:35:01
is what my grandma told me yeah they're
00:35:03
wrong wrong yeah wait do that crucifix
00:35:07
is good right uh holy water holy water
00:35:11
yeah those are pretty good the Bible
00:35:13
maybe Bible spitting I never heard of
00:35:15
that spit did your grandmother Chew
00:35:17
Tobacco no no you must spit when you go
00:35:19
to yeah and you say it a bit a bit what
00:35:23
is that ribbit ribbit is that
00:35:25
communicating with a frog in Filipino
00:35:30
means a way away and event wait but is
00:35:33
that how you do it does everybody do
00:35:35
that or do you really spit
00:35:37
um some people do but you can just
00:35:39
I was chokey wouldn't you chokey
00:35:43
Pete's looked up there is literally
00:35:45
nothing on the internet that validates
00:35:47
what you just said yeah your family is
00:35:48
the only way in your family who does
00:35:50
that no ever
00:35:53
the internet
00:35:55
this is just just your family no there's
00:35:58
no one else in your village no no oh
00:36:01
okay Filipino blood spitting ritual you
00:36:04
guys are [ __ ] weird that's weird oh
00:36:06
there's our blood involved no that would
00:36:07
make sense you have to cut your mouth
00:36:08
and then it makes more sense
00:36:11
you just yeah there was literally
00:36:14
nothing on the internet that says
00:36:16
anything about spitting at ghosts your
00:36:18
family made this up told the whole
00:36:20
village but it worked
00:36:23
nothing happened oh there's no go there
00:36:25
was no ghost in the first place to be
00:36:27
valid for her yeah they were never you
00:36:29
were never attacked by a ghost
00:36:31
okay all the Filipino ghosts have wet
00:36:33
faces is that what it is
00:36:36
yeah I can't write this they're all
00:36:39
whipping and wiping is that a real thing
00:36:42
really yeah yeah would you do that to an
00:36:44
American Ghost no I don't think what
00:36:46
would you do for an American like if a
00:36:48
ghost entered your room at my house what
00:36:50
would you do yeah you're sleeping in the
00:36:51
middle of the night Jules and American
00:36:53
Ghost comes in
00:36:54
um so what
00:36:58
he's
00:37:02
not you that's for sure yeah he's an
00:37:05
American citizen baby
00:37:06
so what do you do
00:37:09
um
00:37:10
I don't know maybe just pray
00:37:13
pray all right say the prayer praise a
00:37:15
good one go easy coming in okay here
00:37:17
comes the American Ghost right now do
00:37:19
you have a 401k
00:37:22
how's your retirement fun
00:37:26
Lord have mercy
00:37:29
I love Jesus Christ you've accepted him
00:37:32
as your lord and savior I can do I can I
00:37:35
can do that
00:37:37
Quinn
00:37:38
the holy you don't know what it is
00:37:40
it's holy water holy water are you
00:37:42
squirting on me yeah don't don't you
00:37:46
just
00:37:47
go away no I love scoring I'm a [ __ ]
00:37:54
oh yeah spit on me [ __ ]
00:37:56
[Applause]
00:38:01
yeah a ghost is in your room right now
00:38:03
really
00:38:04
juicy well I don't believe in ghosts uh
00:38:07
but I'm here jet ski what do you know
00:38:11
what will you do now I'm gonna turn on
00:38:13
and it's like that and turn the volume
00:38:15
up really loud
00:38:18
is that the guy from Magnum P.I
00:38:23
I love him didn't he once do a show
00:38:27
about a Korean Elvis that never took off
00:38:30
but he was from Memphis Tokyo Japan
00:38:36
the signal you
00:38:38
know anyway you're pretty chill juicy
00:38:42
we're not acknowledging you but okay
00:38:44
peace out wow she handled that really
00:38:46
well uh how about you fancy ooh fancy
00:38:51
I've come to visit you in the middle of
00:38:54
the night you're not gonna understand
00:38:55
anything I say so but look look I'm from
00:38:59
ins fancy look at Fancy's neck like if
00:39:03
you didn't see his face
00:39:05
it's a woman yeah I thought the exact
00:39:07
same thing it's so funny so by the way
00:39:10
we haven't even introduced Carlos get up
00:39:11
there we have the three witches in
00:39:13
studio
00:39:14
tonight look at these babes
00:39:17
wow
00:39:19
and fancy I gotta tell you something
00:39:21
everyone take the take your hat put it
00:39:23
above your face put it just in front of
00:39:25
your face so we can't so the camera
00:39:26
can't see your face just leave just your
00:39:27
neck just your neck Pete
00:39:29
okay Pete let's rank Pete's neck let's
00:39:32
rank next
00:39:34
yeah
00:39:36
no Donald
00:39:38
that's Rosie O'Donnell's neck right yes
00:39:41
yeah yeah all right move to the side
00:39:43
real fast Carlos come block here block
00:39:44
your face and put your gesture
00:39:46
oh my oh my God it's like it's beautiful
00:39:49
it's a beautiful neck you know what it
00:39:51
looks like what uh Gina Davis yeah
00:39:54
Davis's neck beautiful all right and
00:39:56
then fancy keep it down in front of your
00:39:57
face a little bit more dude that's like
00:39:59
um I'm not I'm not kidding I'm not
00:40:00
kidding when I say that it's beautiful
00:40:01
it's stunning I would [ __ ] the net I
00:40:03
would [ __ ] your neck fancy you know
00:40:05
whose neck you look like right now what
00:40:06
thank you the girl the the the uh Evan
00:40:09
Rachel Wood put your put it cover your
00:40:10
[ __ ] face that's Evan Rachel the girl
00:40:12
that was in Queens Gambit what's her
00:40:13
name oh uh Taylor Joy yeah
00:40:16
dad
00:40:22
wait why why
00:40:25
[Music]
00:40:27
are parents that's not every I mean it's
00:40:29
everybody to you
00:40:31
that whenever fancy tries a joke
00:40:34
I get it and I like it but boy oh boys
00:40:36
are done bombs it bombs it hurts because
00:40:40
I can hear his brain going say to them
00:40:44
what like he thinks about it before see
00:40:47
the key is don't think about it before
00:40:49
you say it say it look at this question
00:40:51
is look at this show yeah just say it
00:40:53
don't think about it and if it doesn't
00:40:54
work it doesn't work you do have a
00:40:57
beautiful little neck it's a beautiful
00:40:58
neck dude and and and and then can I
00:41:01
just say something also because we went
00:41:03
to the Philippines together yes your
00:41:04
hips oh he's got such cute your hips are
00:41:08
[ __ ] sexy the cutest little hips
00:41:10
you've ever seen you saw them in the
00:41:12
Philippines oh yeah
00:41:13
because I was like we were shooting
00:41:15
something from the car he saw it from
00:41:17
the car no I swear to God this is not
00:41:19
even a [ __ ] joke dude I was sitting
00:41:21
there you know I mean because we're
00:41:23
shooting and I looked to you right
00:41:24
because I always see where you're at
00:41:25
with your camera because he was filming
00:41:27
he was the director of the thing and I
00:41:29
looked your side profile and you were
00:41:31
doing this thing where you're doing a
00:41:32
shuffle
00:41:34
I swear to God there was music played it
00:41:36
was a shuffle and I just gravitated
00:41:38
there's a show going on yeah I'm gravity
00:41:41
toward into his hip and I'm like
00:41:42
wow that's nice you you so so genuinely
00:41:46
genuinely I got that you know his neck
00:41:48
and his hips
00:41:50
if that if all the other parts were like
00:41:53
you know what I mean legit his hips his
00:41:55
[ __ ] and his dick
00:41:59
I think for [ __ ] but yeah yeah yeah
00:42:00
that's nice my neck but it's pretty good
00:42:02
hips my teeth and my dick he has nice
00:42:05
teeth yeah I gotta tell you don't don't
00:42:08
smile like that ever again I'm gonna
00:42:10
lose the audience
00:42:14
you imagine his school pictures
00:42:20
stop when you in Chicago yeah did you
00:42:24
trick or treat
00:42:25
yeah of course yeah did was there any
00:42:27
like because back when I was doing it
00:42:29
you know we would like
00:42:31
you know you would check for like would
00:42:32
you would you eat an apple
00:42:34
no and you know the moment that I would
00:42:36
see a house that was giving out apples
00:42:38
we would immediately go to someone's
00:42:40
friend's house that we knew yeah grab
00:42:42
eggs and egg that house oh really
00:42:44
without immediately yeah immediately the
00:42:46
people that give out fruit yeah a Meg in
00:42:48
your house yeah and by the way kids out
00:42:50
there I shouldn't you shouldn't be
00:42:52
watching the show a b yeah if someone
00:42:54
gives you fruit or something like that
00:42:56
yeah immediately uh go to the grocery
00:42:58
store and egg the [ __ ] out of their
00:43:00
house by my house they gave up money
00:43:03
Chinese Chinese no they were white
00:43:05
people big dimes they were oh dying yeah
00:43:07
and I went back like 10 times
00:43:11
yeah yeah I got a bug no but what did
00:43:14
your family give out so for some reason
00:43:15
I feel like your your mom gave out good
00:43:17
candy no we no no we turned the lights
00:43:20
off
00:43:21
no my parents no we would they would I
00:43:24
know you would pretend enough they don't
00:43:25
stay down like it was like it was a
00:43:27
Stakeout no like we didn't want any
00:43:30
Shadows or anyone to know that we were
00:43:32
their dad has a gun he's like here come
00:43:33
on another one yeah
00:43:35
everybody everything was off stay I
00:43:38
remember you go stay down stay down but
00:43:39
did you trick-or-treat we would go and
00:43:41
come home and still stay down no way
00:43:43
yeah and we I would bring back candy
00:43:44
right he's like oh that's cool that's
00:43:46
cool you know what I mean eat but why
00:43:49
because we have nothing really nothing
00:43:52
is that why we don't have Halloween
00:43:57
no not at all I decorate you should I do
00:44:01
wait wait first of all can I say
00:44:04
something we talk today yeah right and
00:44:06
then you zoomed me you FaceTime me oh on
00:44:10
accident did you really yeah because how
00:44:12
do you FaceTime somebody with your cheek
00:44:14
it happens when you're talking on the
00:44:16
phone and then sometimes it does I've
00:44:17
done it does yeah because the FaceTime
00:44:19
symbol is down there I've done it and
00:44:20
then I don't know I then I facetimed her
00:44:22
you answered and then you wouldn't show
00:44:24
me your house why it was in my bedroom
00:44:26
so but I I go let me look at your decor
00:44:29
and she wouldn't do it it's my literally
00:44:31
my bedroom and you're like my boss
00:44:32
that's a place that you're not allowed
00:44:34
is in her bedroom that seems like a fair
00:44:35
boundary there was like cobwebs it look
00:44:38
like let me get to 10 episodes and then
00:44:40
I'll show you around yeah
00:44:41
oh 10 episodes
00:44:46
but but but also shame on you for not
00:44:49
decorating your house do you decorate
00:44:52
yours of course you do not
00:44:54
bet me a thousand dollars
00:44:57
I already owe you a thousand you do owe
00:44:58
me a [ __ ] a thousand dollars of
00:45:00
course I decorate why do I owe you a
00:45:01
thousand uh fancy will pull it up yeah
00:45:04
you lost the silver October yeah sober
00:45:07
October the porn the no nut yes
00:45:10
I told you I did after you told me
00:45:12
you're born though no I did not you
00:45:14
haven't since no yes since but if the
00:45:16
BET's over okay yeah you lost of course
00:45:19
I did again yeah but he still wants to
00:45:20
know yeah the moment that you told me it
00:45:23
was done I am I think I brought a porn
00:45:25
on mine yeah yeah that night that we bet
00:45:28
oh I know you did yeah I did it I could
00:45:30
tell you and I forgot I was like oh [ __ ]
00:45:32
I think I lost as you're coming yeah
00:45:33
yeah Andrew yeah yeah of course I
00:45:35
decorate my house you know what do you
00:45:36
know why why because when I was a kid
00:45:39
and we go trick-or-treating and you'd go
00:45:41
past houses that weren't decorated and
00:45:43
you knew those people in the
00:45:45
neighborhood like I had seen them as a
00:45:46
kid it bummed me out I'm like What's
00:45:48
your deal dude this isn't it's not for
00:45:49
me I decorate for the kids okay here's
00:45:52
what we'll do it's for That We're Not
00:45:53
Gonna Do any cobwebs or skeletons but
00:45:55
here's what we'll do we'll have candy
00:45:57
we'll keep the lights on we'll get fancy
00:46:00
candy
00:46:02
you need to let them decorations are a
00:46:05
are a lighthouse a beacon for kids to
00:46:08
say we do have candy so what you have to
00:46:10
do is you have to at least get one thing
00:46:11
that says we are Halloween come to the
00:46:13
door otherwise they'll not they won't
00:46:15
come
00:46:16
they won't come to the door unless
00:46:18
there's something there that go like go
00:46:19
take this home and put this outside take
00:46:21
some of this Halloween stuff that we
00:46:22
have here and to decorate the house what
00:46:24
day is it Sunday
00:46:25
yeah is that Sunday I'll do it when I
00:46:28
have a week today today is Halloween oh
00:46:30
today is yes let's go to the CVS can we
00:46:32
go to CVS and get it don't ask me ask
00:46:34
her let's go yeah it's your
00:46:35
responsibility you should really do it
00:46:37
let's do it yeah what about us not just
00:46:40
me but do something bro I know you're
00:46:43
right I think the kids yeah you're right
00:46:44
for the kids you're absolutely upgraded
00:46:46
for Halloween
00:46:47
um in the Philippines we didn't oh you
00:46:50
gotta do it in the Philippines don't
00:46:51
they kick a dog on Halloween what do you
00:46:53
guys do on Halloween again do they have
00:46:56
Halloween in the Philippines some rich
00:46:58
areas do yeah and then some know because
00:47:01
some areas are so poor in the poor areas
00:47:04
they eat the wrappers of can like you go
00:47:06
get rappers
00:47:07
in the rich areas they're passing up
00:47:10
balloons yeah
00:47:12
balloon they have balloon eggs it's also
00:47:15
um when's your birthday
00:47:16
oh November 9th right oh it's gonna be
00:47:21
my 21st oh let's get it wrong let's get
00:47:25
you shit-faced oh my God no we'll can we
00:47:29
do that or I don't know we won that's I
00:47:31
don't know we so how drunk have you been
00:47:33
in your life really drunk like passed
00:47:36
out like vomiting I don't want to hear
00:47:38
that as one of your parents I don't want
00:47:39
to hear that no but if but if we did for
00:47:41
your 21st we got you a little drunk that
00:47:43
would be that'll be fine she can get
00:47:44
annihilatedly drunk when she's with us I
00:47:46
don't want her out in the I'll drive you
00:47:49
oh I'll drive you
00:47:52
I don't want you driving her I'm sober
00:47:55
she'll be you'll be texting she'll be
00:47:57
drunk you'll die you'll both die what
00:48:00
let me drive ball oh you can drive all
00:48:01
them thank you for some reason just
00:48:04
because because you'll be looking at her
00:48:06
laughing yeah you're right so I need you
00:48:08
you guys can be in the backseat together
00:48:09
you can be laughing at her and I'll be
00:48:10
driving how was jeselneck
00:48:13
oh so we we want to say that you know we
00:48:16
may we feel like we made Jessie juicy
00:48:18
and now she's opening for other
00:48:21
comedians I'll tell you what happened to
00:48:22
Anthony Joshua next show with her what
00:48:24
[ __ ] Kanye West went there
00:48:26
yeah Kanye West was at her show was that
00:48:28
just the weirdest part about the whole
00:48:30
thing is the staff didn't tell us until
00:48:33
the next day
00:48:34
wait so Kanye came to your show late
00:48:37
night Friday we're not for Justin what
00:48:39
town for me no no for what time for what
00:48:42
town
00:48:43
this was an Oxnard in Oxnard yeah Oxnard
00:48:47
Oxnard and he came to the second show
00:48:49
yeah saw it and then never said hi and
00:48:51
left yeah we didn't know about it until
00:48:54
Saturday
00:48:56
um the opener Kelly Ryan she went up to
00:48:59
the sound guy to get a tape and he goes
00:49:01
yeah I got your tape by the way do you
00:49:03
know Kanye was here yesterday wow and so
00:49:06
she told us and so we were like why
00:49:08
wouldn't the staff tell us I don't like
00:49:09
it when they tell is this made up would
00:49:11
you rather no or not no when it's Kanye
00:49:13
I want to know
00:49:15
do you think they would mention it no
00:49:16
when it's Kanye I'd want to know even
00:49:18
when it's like sometimes they do at the
00:49:21
comedy show they're like you know who's
00:49:22
here and they mention I'm like who I
00:49:23
don't [ __ ] give a [ __ ] all right but
00:49:25
when it's Kanye I definitely want to
00:49:27
know because I want to go up to him be
00:49:28
like brother brother what are the same
00:49:30
views
00:49:33
but then he went on an interview and
00:49:35
talked about how much he liked the show
00:49:37
yeah he went on Lex Friedman show and
00:49:40
talked about loving Anthony jesimik and
00:49:42
he mentioned it by name that's
00:49:44
incredible it makes me sick why because
00:49:47
Anthony Jeselnik's Jewish
00:49:49
yes no he's not he's not oh no no I'm
00:49:53
just jealous that he went yeah but are
00:49:56
you well we were kind of like you don't
00:49:57
want Kanye to see you
00:49:59
yeah but you know he's on some
00:50:01
controversy is going on he's being a bad
00:50:02
boy right now okay that's right but also
00:50:04
I want him to see me yeah that's right
00:50:06
that's a huge name it's you that's the
00:50:08
biggest yeah who's like well when I
00:50:11
remember what happened to me in Miami
00:50:12
what with where I burned the bridge with
00:50:14
Gloria oh yeah that was cool yeah yeah
00:50:16
yeah do you guys know this story no I
00:50:18
don't know have we told this on this
00:50:19
show kind of tell it so I was at the
00:50:22
Miami Improv don't make fun of me oh and
00:50:25
I I was in the green room and the
00:50:27
[ __ ] manager goes you can't believe
00:50:28
it was in the audience I go who he goes
00:50:31
Gloria Estefan I go I don't know nothing
00:50:33
I don't know who that [ __ ] that you know
00:50:35
right I love the Miami mom machine was
00:50:37
it a Miami Machine Miami Mama machine
00:50:39
what's it called Miami what I don't know
00:50:42
what you're talking Gloria Estefan Miami
00:50:44
something machines
00:50:48
I thought you were saying mommy's I
00:50:51
don't know I never forgot that's how
00:50:52
little I know he's like Korea Korea
00:50:58
he goes Gloria has to find Miami
00:51:02
sorry glorious it's late Gloria Estefan
00:51:05
Miami sound machines yes okay thank you
00:51:08
yeah right and I go oh yeah is she big
00:51:11
he's like she's at the time like it was
00:51:13
15 years ago nobody's bigger no one's
00:51:15
bigger right
00:51:17
so I'm on stage and I don't know what
00:51:19
came over me I go
00:51:21
I thought I was bombing and I go hey
00:51:24
ladies and gentlemen big surprise
00:51:29
we have a big celebrity in the audience
00:51:31
and they put a spotlight onto her and
00:51:34
they go Gloria anabon
00:51:39
and she kind of does this weird wave and
00:51:41
people are like right and after the set
00:51:44
she just got out of there yes yeah and I
00:51:47
think about that moment pretty much once
00:51:50
a week for the rest of my life well you
00:51:52
should because that's it's embarrassing
00:51:53
well
00:51:55
did she pay for a ticket yes you did
00:51:57
it'd be funny if she had a comp she was
00:51:58
like I had a comp yeah it was so bad
00:52:00
it's fine it's in the past is she the
00:52:03
biggest person that's ever been to a
00:52:04
show of yours
00:52:05
um
00:52:06
yeah
00:52:14
he was in the OR ones but no I'm saying
00:52:17
who was who went to go see who's the
00:52:18
biggest person
00:52:19
just to see you yeah that's it Gloria
00:52:22
Esteban came to see you that's the only
00:52:23
celebrity that's come to see me in any
00:52:25
show I've ever done that's why not wild
00:52:27
you know who loves Gloria Esteban who
00:52:29
Gloria Stefan shut the [ __ ] up I'll say
00:52:31
it how we want you [ __ ] immigrant uh
00:52:33
you know who's you know who you know who
00:52:35
loves Gloria Esteban oh fancy do you
00:52:37
really love him it's a woman I love her
00:52:40
75 million records sold oh my God that's
00:52:44
more that's more than anybody that's
00:52:45
more than anybody from your show it's so
00:52:47
embarrassing I've never had anybody huge
00:52:48
come to my not one person Catherine
00:52:51
O'Hara that's you huge yeah oh my I
00:52:54
would [ __ ] be so excited I lost my
00:52:57
mind do you guys know who that is yeah
00:52:59
I'm a massive massive fan oh my God
00:53:00
you're generated no she's on shit's
00:53:03
creek but oh I know her yeah but for us
00:53:05
she's a legend for us
00:53:07
yeah yeah so she was the mom at home
00:53:10
alone uh in Beetlejuice the reason that
00:53:12
I fell in love with her was all was
00:53:14
Christopher Guest yeah right like that's
00:53:16
how I first saw her yeah yeah and I did
00:53:20
a mini roll on a Christopher Guest HBO
00:53:22
show and someone at the Improv was like
00:53:26
I think Catherine Hera is here to see
00:53:27
you no she was friends with Chris and I
00:53:29
guess he had said you ought to see this
00:53:31
com this guy's funny you you know he's
00:53:33
wow I don't even hang out with her oh oh
00:53:35
no oh yeah yeah but I went up I did my
00:53:38
spot I went sat back down by the booth
00:53:40
and she had she had left yeah after in
00:53:44
my getting off stage and left and I was
00:53:46
like oh she gone and the guy was like
00:53:47
yeah the moment you got off she left and
00:53:49
I was like bummed I was like that sucks
00:53:52
and he was like dude she was laughing
00:53:53
the whole all of the staff he's like
00:53:55
we're all looking at her she was
00:53:56
laughing the whole [ __ ] time she was
00:53:57
loving it wow but I never heard about it
00:54:00
at all it was as if like she talked to
00:54:02
Christopher Guest and was like I'm gonna
00:54:04
go watch him and then and just enjoy it
00:54:06
and that's it I kind of well I was on
00:54:08
mad we had Christopher Guest Eugene Levy
00:54:10
and all those guys do like would they
00:54:12
would guest star unreal so I'd be around
00:54:14
it but they would never talk to me
00:54:17
well I'd be in the same room rehearsing
00:54:19
the same lines but they would never say
00:54:20
anything to me and I was always so kind
00:54:22
of like apprehensive you were still the
00:54:24
oh hot dog guy
00:54:25
don't say it like that man oh hot dog
00:54:28
don't say it like that dude no don't do
00:54:32
the uh no don't do the whole hot dog
00:54:33
Jiff just look at the GIF itself it
00:54:35
circulates through the internet at least
00:54:37
five times a day do you know how many
00:54:39
times I see this GIF oh hot dog that's
00:54:41
you yeah that's Bobby Lee
00:54:44
do you not realize you by the way you've
00:54:46
probably been sent that gif yes that's
00:54:47
your that's your t-testine that's
00:54:49
awesome you don't you don't know that
00:54:51
that's that's him God these young kids
00:54:53
are [ __ ] idiots that's me can I tell
00:54:56
you something I've been looking at your
00:54:56
hair the whole pod yeah
00:54:58
you have the exact same yeah like you
00:55:02
already have good Elvis
00:55:04
yeah like I hate it because it's so
00:55:06
scratchy too I know for the whole time I
00:55:08
was like why you have better hair than
00:55:09
Elvis had look at how beautiful let it
00:55:10
out and let it roll yeah well do this in
00:55:12
slow-mo fancy
00:55:14
let it out and let it roll baby oh
00:55:17
oh take your time now let it roll
00:55:21
now let it roll give it to me we'll do
00:55:23
it sexy yeah yeah yeah
00:55:25
yes do it more do it more so we yeah
00:55:28
yeah more yeah more
00:55:31
dude yeah like you just got out of a
00:55:33
pool dude you just gotta so put in front
00:55:34
of your face like come out of the desk
00:55:36
oh yeah come out from under the desk go
00:55:38
down put your hair in front of your face
00:55:39
and then flip it backwards all right
00:55:41
ready
00:55:43
[Music]
00:56:03
so you're a hot single you're a single
00:56:05
mother okay your single mother of three
00:56:07
your reason why can I be a man no all
00:56:09
right you're a hot single mother of
00:56:10
three you're recently divorced okay okay
00:56:12
you got a [ __ ] load of money in the
00:56:14
divorce yeah he was [ __ ] his
00:56:16
secretary typical story I don't I don't
00:56:18
think let me [ __ ] finish
00:56:20
he's been [ __ ] his secretary right
00:56:22
you're a hot mother single mother of
00:56:23
three now and you're a babe you don't
00:56:24
find that yourself attractive anymore
00:56:25
but you are you really are you've been
00:56:27
taking care of yourself a lot guess who
00:56:29
comes over who Pablo the pool boy
00:56:32
huh played by who fancy
00:56:34
Pablo the pool Boy comes on over
00:56:37
the pool boy comes over and he's a hot
00:56:39
babe right okay Mega baby he's wearing a
00:56:41
little Speedo and you get out of the
00:56:42
pool and you want to show off to him
00:56:43
ready and go
00:56:47
[Music]
00:57:10
you're so stupid
00:57:18
I'm going to tell you something once I
00:57:20
didn't even think about it I just felt
00:57:21
it I know I didn't think about it I'm
00:57:23
never gonna say this again please
00:57:26
turned on turn me on actually turn thank
00:57:29
you thank you actually got me got my
00:57:30
britches a little tight yeah I just you
00:57:32
know I just went with it
00:57:34
you're a good [ __ ] thank you I was
00:57:36
just like listening but not I was
00:57:38
feeling it what's what's a funny thing
00:57:40
that got said to you tonight about what
00:57:42
did archiver say to you about your
00:57:43
television appearances that made us
00:57:45
laugh really really hard yeah what do
00:57:46
you say something offensive he made he
00:57:48
made fun of One show and complimented
00:57:49
the other the exact same time he goes
00:57:52
and just like that is terrible but I
00:57:54
love you on reservation he goes and just
00:57:56
like that is a very bad show love
00:57:58
reservation dogs yeah it was a perfect
00:58:00
the way he did it was like it was
00:58:02
perfect yeah but let me tell you
00:58:04
something yeah I think they're both
00:58:05
great television
00:58:08
you're a great little thank you and you
00:58:10
always have been
00:58:11
not the old hot dog but if you leave me
00:58:13
again yeah and go to New York to shoot
00:58:15
that [ __ ] show and I'm not here for
00:58:17
this yeah
00:58:18
we're gonna have some trouble yeah we're
00:58:20
gonna have a little Spanky Sachi well
00:58:22
I'll tell you something
00:58:23
um I have to do three more episodes yeah
00:58:26
[ __ ] off I do
00:58:28
and just like that and just like that
00:58:30
you're leaving again yeah but we'll you
00:58:32
know but here's the thing I hadn't been
00:58:34
home in a month and a half
00:58:35
yeah right so I'm not gonna do that
00:58:37
again I I honestly like dude
00:58:42
even doing the siguro shows
00:58:44
first of all can I say something yeah
00:58:46
he's a huge star Tom yeah Tom Segura
00:58:49
love him
00:58:50
did you ever think that though
00:58:52
I knew interesting you guys didn't no
00:58:56
it's just like because you see guys like
00:58:57
that's really interesting
00:59:06
go to dinner right he'll go hey come do
00:59:09
my show we'll hang out right
00:59:11
good friend right but then when I see
00:59:13
him sell out San Jose Improv six shows
00:59:15
in a row you're just gonna go oh yeah
00:59:17
he's fine he's famous yeah
00:59:20
I think that when you're in a in a
00:59:21
stadium
00:59:23
a thousand seats I opened for him
00:59:25
and you're just going what the [ __ ] he's
00:59:28
huge it's crazy
00:59:30
it's amazing it's amazing and when we go
00:59:33
on the road how much do we do 100 250
00:59:35
seats great I think we'll do five
00:59:38
thousand we're gonna do three to fives
00:59:41
three to five three we'll see what
00:59:42
happens well three to five yeah some
00:59:43
cities we're gonna do much much less
00:59:45
we're doing a run of the Deep South and
00:59:48
in Alabama yeah we got a corporate I
00:59:52
shouldn't say this but I guess I can
00:59:53
leak it we're doing a corporate I'm not
00:59:55
doing that no no I'm not doing it
00:59:57
corporate
00:59:58
it's not about why because when you do a
01:00:01
corporate so they go you can't show your
01:00:03
dick you can't show you can't
01:00:05
they not say that you can't show your
01:00:08
body part you can't say these things
01:00:10
yeah and I'm not gonna do that you have
01:00:12
to dress like this sometimes they do
01:00:13
that you have to dress like this first
01:00:15
of all yeah
01:00:17
it's a company that we want to be in bed
01:00:19
with very bad what's it it's the KKK no
01:00:22
oh yeah I would love to do it we're
01:00:23
doing the course yeah yeah you're in
01:00:25
you're in you're opening and closing
01:00:28
yeah
01:00:29
I mean you there's three Comics you're
01:00:32
two of the white ones have to go yeah
01:00:33
you have to you can't just happen why do
01:00:35
we sandwich him just so they forget
01:00:36
about it you go up first then him then
01:00:39
me then you again so they get a double
01:00:40
dose of white at the end or one in the
01:00:42
case for Korean yeah yeah yeah okay it's
01:00:45
the coup the coup Korean Clan all right
01:00:48
yeah if it's the Korean Clan I mean by
01:00:51
the way when we do go down to the South
01:00:53
I do want you to go to like where the
01:00:54
KKK are and ask if you can get in
01:00:59
yeah I think they would let me in what's
01:01:01
their process I don't know if it's more
01:01:03
your thing but uh knock on a door thing
01:01:06
wait is there oh you're white you would
01:01:08
know more I've never been they never let
01:01:09
me but is there a door that I knock on
01:01:10
or do I just walk in I don't know I feel
01:01:13
like those people don't have knock knock
01:01:14
knock knock knock
01:01:16
hey oh hey man hey oh hey man hey man
01:01:19
hey what's going on what's up hey did
01:01:22
somebody order Chinese food oh no that
01:01:25
was a funny joke man I don't think
01:01:26
anybody ordered Chinese no no I'm not
01:01:28
not here to join the club KKK
01:01:32
can I join did somebody have their dry
01:01:34
cleaning done oh hey check it out bro
01:01:36
check it out who needs a robot
01:01:43
me too go on they're so yellow they're
01:01:46
sneaky tell me about it it's brighter
01:01:48
than the sun these people I know the
01:01:49
aren't they not are they not brighter
01:01:52
than the sun you don't like them I don't
01:01:53
like them either I don't like them
01:01:54
either man yeah they put you know what
01:01:55
they do they put the MSG don't you hear
01:01:58
it gives you a headache headache it cuts
01:02:00
your headache and I wake up all puffy
01:02:03
right they're porn so aggressive so
01:02:05
gross right
01:02:07
right and the girl's crying why is the
01:02:10
Japanese girl crying helpful helper
01:02:11
helper
01:02:13
right I want to put a stop to that so
01:02:16
you want to be in a cake yeah [ __ ]
01:02:18
karate [ __ ] Kung Fu
01:02:21
[ __ ]
01:02:23
whoa the gun we train Jiu Jitsu in this
01:02:26
house oh I'm sorry juice is great
01:02:28
because it's Brazilian correct that's
01:02:31
legit Brazilians were legit with you
01:02:33
know that's where Hitler hit out for a
01:02:34
while I know Argentina whatever Brazil
01:02:36
same thing right I don't like it you
01:02:40
know what else I don't like I don't oh
01:02:42
check it out right yeah and crazy Rich
01:02:45
the squid games
01:02:48
yeah yeah yeah I hate it we love that
01:02:52
series
01:02:54
let me tell you yeah yeah why they all
01:02:57
died that is great that's why that's
01:03:00
great that's why we like and you know
01:03:01
what we'll find the one guy that
01:03:02
survived can you find him and kill him
01:03:04
I'll be the guy and by the way crazy
01:03:06
Rich Asians yeah we also enjoyed that
01:03:09
movie why why Michelle yeoh was very
01:03:12
talented she's very talented be honest
01:03:14
with you yeah directorial choices were
01:03:15
very wonderful yeah I will compliment
01:03:18
the DP yeah
01:03:20
yeah I saw some racking shots that I was
01:03:23
impressive by but when they when they
01:03:24
would pull Focus yeah on some of those
01:03:27
scenes it was better than I thought yeah
01:03:29
anyway um let me ask you something I'm
01:03:31
Bobby I'm a comedian too Bobby yeah yeah
01:03:34
Bobby Ray you can call me that what's
01:03:37
your name I'll change it Bobby Ray
01:03:38
you're a comic I'm a comedian tell me a
01:03:40
joke funny man
01:03:44
what did the Korea say to the other
01:03:46
Koreans
01:03:47
go on let's kill ourselves together
01:03:51
emergency is that funny right I love it
01:03:54
when Asians too much suicide hilarious
01:03:56
absolutely hilarious that joke went flat
01:03:58
I haven't tried it yet try again
01:04:02
please
01:04:03
you want to get in yeah tell me another
01:04:07
a black a Korean in a Jew my nightmare
01:04:11
right
01:04:12
[Laughter]
01:04:20
in the 1940s
01:04:24
oh [ __ ] dog right yeah and and the
01:04:28
[ __ ] bar turn goes
01:04:30
welcome that's my German accent
01:04:34
okay yeah okay I'm not an impressed
01:04:40
you said you were a comedian right
01:04:43
you know what I can do yeah oh hot dog
01:04:52
[Applause]
01:05:07
okay all right man I'll do whatever job
01:05:09
okay okay you're in and you only have to
01:05:12
do one thing what do I need to do man
01:05:14
give me a big kiss we're not gay
01:05:18
you got to give me a big kiss tongue oh
01:05:21
yeah
01:05:23
all right you do it yeah you gotta say
01:05:25
daddy daddy you're my daddy okay
01:05:29
let's say like a little Asian boy again
01:05:35
I have a script I want to look at you
01:05:37
what is it
01:05:39
Asian Elvis
01:05:42
have are you combining too much there's
01:05:45
a roll of hanku there's a rule you wanna
01:05:49
let me play Hank Williams
01:05:50
classic yeah the Asian Elvis from
01:05:54
Memphis
01:05:55
Japan yeah you've always wanted to fly a
01:05:58
Mothra please yeah
01:06:01
thank you for being a bad friend
01:06:04
very good
01:06:06
[Music]
01:06:07
[Applause]
01:06:11
[Music]
01:06:16
this is
01:06:19
[Music]
01:06:27
[Applause]
01:06:28
a large hoodie
01:06:31
foreign
01:06:35
[Music]
01:06:39
[Applause]
01:06:48
[Applause]
01:06:57
[Music]