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Bobby's Existential Crisis | Ep 48 | Bad Friends

January 18, 2021 / 01:17:40

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do it you two are bad friends who are

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these two idiots you two

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are disgusting oh you two or something

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we're bad

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friends welcome back to the double black

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play jam i'm here with rudy and

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bobby lee rudy rudy rudy didn't talk at

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all last episode yeah you know why

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because you brought in a dog and she had

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to control the dog who's whining the

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poor pup was whining and crying the

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whole time i know we have

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um the whole house right now is um dogs

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animal farm it's an animal farm it's

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driving me crazy

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are you [ __ ] parking barking barking

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barking barking how many are you

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fostering

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you right now look very mormon your hair

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very christian

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very religious me i don't like it i

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really yeah your hair i don't like it

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it looks too you look so like you know

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uh knock knock knock

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yeah would you like to hear about

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jehovah can i tell you about jesus

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christ and i don't like it can i tell

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you about jesus

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tell me about him he's the savior i know

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he is let me tell you what he did for

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you what

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you know what can i say something about

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that is no one's ever trying to save me

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well you're unsavable why is that i've

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seen i've

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walked through malls people look at you

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and they go can't save that guy

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there's no way to save you you've gotta

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i can't be saved no no no no i wanna be

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true

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try they're not gonna i wanna be safe i

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have a soul

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save me baby look you're saved you've

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already saved yourself

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no but i i what you went to rehab you

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already saved yourself

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no but i just and they can smell that

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strangers look at me like if i'm like

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one time i was in san antonio yeah and

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there was a man handing out

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pamphlets and you know little pamphlets

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yeah

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you're right and i and i was walking by

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and people were getting pamphlets from

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him

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with the lord jesus and i took my hand

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out

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and he didn't do nothing yeah no

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pamphlet nego's not gonna help with you

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why

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i don't know that's like the guys in

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vegas the mexican guys that hit the

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hooker cards you know

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i never get them from them they don't

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they think i'm not or like star maps of

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people

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oh yeah the star maps people they never

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try to get me a map do you know how fun

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this would be if me and you pretended to

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know star man we should do a fake star

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maps

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when when when pandy's over yeah and

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take people to houses that aren't real

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can i say something

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why would i care where marlon brando

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lives dude

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you're you you've lived in southern

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california your whole life right

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and then

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you [ __ ] european goon shut your

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[ __ ] mouth what did he say the

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cemetery i don't know the cemetery he's

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dead

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marlon brandon he's not dead oh that's

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not he's not dead he's not dead

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yeah one of the greatest actors of our

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generation you know who i found out

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i was watching coming to america tonight

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with the part two

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part one oh no the original but it some

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of the jokes are so bad you're like

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some of this is not funny it's so funny

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because some of it's really funny yeah

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and some of it's just not

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funny sexual chocolate's funny hilarious

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sexual chocolate

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but then when they go looking for girls

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at the beginning oh yeah it's not funny

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it's not funny you're just like and

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because the one girl's like

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lighting her hand on fire and she's like

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uh you know i'm possessed by the devil

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yeah and they're like next and you're

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like what it was some of it's not

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some of it when eddie's doing the

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characters it's the best the whole movie

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should have been him

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interacting with himself all the time

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right like every stranger should have

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been an eddie murphy character it's also

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funny that movie

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there's one guy that didn't have a very

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big scene and at the time

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he didn't know that he'd be a bigger

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star than all of them arsenio hall

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no no who samuel jackson isn't that's

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crazy isn't that crazy yeah that is

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because

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because he played the crack addict in

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there he's a crackhead yeah yeah at the

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mcdonald's or something

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mcdonald's mcdowell's right yeah he goes

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crazy right yes

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and he probably at the time right god

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damn i got [ __ ]

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again 12 lines again again right and

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then all of a sudden like he owns the

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world

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well it's the same thing with uh that

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chris rock in the in that movie um

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oh that was great when he put the crack

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at him yeah why can't i think about what

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movie was that

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he was pretty good in that when he goes

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i got changed for 100 yeah that was

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really good yeah

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his lips were all i remember watching

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him called ashley and

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cracked out yeah because the guy goes uh

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how much for how just how much would

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just one rehab

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yeah yeah yeah and he goes got changed

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he's like what up

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you grew up watching black films huh

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yeah yeah yeah

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anyway no i was gonna say i was watching

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i was watching watching the movie and

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james earl jones you know who plays

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his father yeah king kufi kanan whatever

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his name is i was like

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is he still alive and i bet my old lady

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cash do you think he's still alive or

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not yes or no oh he's still alive

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well you're taking i'm not going to say

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i'm not going to tell you until

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everybody answers it

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so what what part is it again adam

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wasn't listening what

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i was always saying is james earl john

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we made a better fame james was still

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alive

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james earl jones is alive so you you

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think so or you know so

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to me he is okay do you think he's still

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alive or he's dead he doesn't know who

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he is i know that's the best part

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um he's dead okay great what do you

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think george

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dad what do you think andres he's alive

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he is alive

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i know he's alive andres get off your

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phone he's do you know why i know he's

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alive because you just worked with him

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recently

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no that's not what yes i would never

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work with him really yeah you would

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never work with jesus

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they would never put me in anything with

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him and that's the right way to say it

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that's what i

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wanted to say yeah you said it came out

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weird it came out weird you said i would

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know

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but i'm such a huge james earl jones you

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know what else a movie he was in

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that no no no one's not you're even

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aware of well he's the voice of lion

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king

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he's the voice of the father and i

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understand that he's also darth vader

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yes yeah of course everybody knows that

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he's another thing that he was that

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people don't know what he was in the

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movie um

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doctor strangelove as what he was in the

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um

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airplane in the beginning of the movie

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like he was one of like the pilots you

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know he was one of the guys in the pilot

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yeah

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he was yeah he's a yeah here's another

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thing i have to try

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another thing that um people don't know

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huh go ahead keep talking people don't

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realize that laura's finished lauren's

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finished burn

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i think people do know that i think

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people do know that no

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james earl jones yeah and dr strangelove

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wow well it came up so fast oh

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right no don't go right all of a sudden

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i don't know where

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right i said he was the i said the pilot

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look at this look at this guy this is

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brick glass but a better rick last man

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yeah here we go hold on

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music we probably can't huh one of the

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funniest movies ever made i think

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dr strangelove yeah i laughed so hard on

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this movie look at how bad that plane uh

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cgi is

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he'll come up in a second which one is

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he he's not the white guy obviously you

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[ __ ]

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what do you mean he's not white i'm i'm

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flying one line you

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there is there he is there he is that

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was it that was him

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so now he was a pilot i said he was one

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of the little he is in the movie

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yeah and i still watching it you know it

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went there's james earl jones

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he's so talented he's everything he and

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yes of course i watch black films did

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you watch all the black films when you

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were working

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what he sounds like when when you're

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making love when he comes oh

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what if when he comes he goes yeah he

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gets real high

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[Music]

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you think he says that i don't know when

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he shoots

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anyway look i watched i watched curl

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coming to america

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yoda coming would be weird

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what would he say i don't i don't know

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you will be

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i don't know what he would say but am i

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just yeah but he

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he came i just yeah but i think um

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his calm would be like a little piece of

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sea would would come out if

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i feel like i feel like a little him

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comes out of his penis like a little

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another a little baby yoda

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yeah like a little yoda comes out it's

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like more liquid form yeah it's more

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goopy yeah right almost bodyless but you

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could see the little

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boneless boneless yeah oh boneless my

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boneless yoda

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am i bad you're boneless yeah it's late

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and i i sometimes it's okay i'm saying

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do you like boneless wings or do you

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like uh bone-in wings when you eat

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chicken wings yeah i don't

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i don't like the bone the reason why i

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don't like bone is because um

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i don't eat i don't eat it right and

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kalila and this [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]

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right here

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hey hey be nice it's a new year what'd i

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get you for christmas

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the cave um the rug anime rug

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yeah we heard the rug yeah i got your

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rug anyway um whenever i eat

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bone the bone right bone wings wings

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with bone well anything with bone

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like a boxing bone

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yeah your your white privilege the way

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you eat that

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what does that even mean because i don't

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eat like the cartilage

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and you know what i mean you eat right

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like a white

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part you know what i mean crunch on the

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[ __ ] i'm on your ligament i don't

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need to eat that that's like

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nice meat parts you [ __ ] animal yeah

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you animals savage

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yeah you're not you know it's like when

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we eat fish with my mom

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she eats the brain and the eyes and wow

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yeah i just eat the body

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like the body yeah but they do say the

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other stuff has the most protein in it

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good call dude you know you eat all of

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it don't you

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yeah savage savage savage yeah they eat

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um

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and it's like this animal right here i

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cuz every night i order um postmates no

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i know it's sometimes i go to

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good places or sometimes grubhub

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all the time yeah

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it was a joke guys so what you no you

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order food every night

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right so i'll go to like um i'll go you

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know what tonight i'll go to morton's

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something like that is that how often do

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you get morton

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every other week maybe would you like

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steak cold

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it's not that it's just the idea that i

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can money-wise

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i just do yeah yeah yeah you flex a

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little

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yeah on who on kalila and rudy oh you

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know

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yeah does she ever pay for delivery no

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but i'll always go

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what do you want she'll go i she goes

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don't worry about it i'll eat my own

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you'll eat your own wife and i'll go

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what do you eat leftovers

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we have leftover food like something

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like we'll get like

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two months ago some vietnamese guy will

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randomly come over

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who's this guy all right get this guy

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that's a goliath's friend he's white

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he's white yeah you think he's

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vietnamese yeah he'll come over and go

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hey

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he'll go and give us this is a

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restaurant by my house i bought you food

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and i'll take two bites just to be

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courteous right yeah and then i'll just

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put it in the fridge

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and then she'll eat it two months later

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like an animal

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not two months how long two weeks

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two weeks is fine i think it's two weeks

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dude i think food in the fridge can last

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a couple of weeks

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what kind of meat it's cooked right yeah

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it's like

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no not two weeks what kind of food is

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there too what food is it

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anything like she'll eat anything that's

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like yeah

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they survived dude but they're surviving

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her good food

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like anything you know what i mean she

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wants and she's like no i don't want it

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and then like yesterday i asked her she

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got i don't want to i got my

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and then lately then i come downstairs

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and she's like

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in the corner you know she eats like in

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a corner for some reason

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covered up she just has this like hunchy

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thing

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she's a punchy thing right and she you

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know and she also sits on the chair like

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this

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does she really yeah like a gargoyle

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she's like a gargoyle

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and she sits there like that and she so

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when you walk in the room her back's

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turned

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it's always dim light dude you're a

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horror movie yeah yeah it's like a

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diplomat right right a horror movie

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she's

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eating something like what the [ __ ] is

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she eating right and i go what are you

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eating she goes

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i got mcdonald's i go

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but i an hour ago you know i mean i was

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going to order you better

00:12:01

something better yeah no she got my

00:12:03

chocolate she better on her own i don't

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think you'd like

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taking things from me like you think

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that i'm gonna like hold it over you for

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some reason

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no if i'm gonna order food for myself i

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don't i would like to

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i'll order for everybody yeah right

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don't be like a [ __ ]

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gargoyle i'm not what did you get from

00:12:22

mcdonald's a

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fried chicken burger ice cream and

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nuggets

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a fried chicken bur you mean a chicken

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sandwich yeah

00:12:34

she's in school a frog so you get a

00:12:36

fried chicken sandwich nuggets

00:12:37

and ice cream what kind of ice cream the

00:12:40

chocolate sundae

00:12:41

chocolate sauce wow they're pretty good

00:12:43

no they're so good i know

00:12:45

mcdonald's though the breakfast i can't

00:12:46

give it up the wendy's was it the freeze

00:12:49

what what that freezer oh the oh the

00:12:51

frosty forget about it [ __ ] me i'll eat

00:12:54

it right now

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suck it suck it right now suck it right

00:12:57

now do you hear 101 cafe close down

00:12:59

permanently forever never coming back

00:13:02

good that you know what's so funny

00:13:04

everyone was being like sweet online

00:13:06

like oh man i used to go hang out there

00:13:07

all the time

00:13:08

i mean we would go after shows yeah but

00:13:10

like

00:13:11

i was also like it was the most

00:13:12

expensive diner i ever went to it was

00:13:14

like nine bucks for eggs

00:13:15

no but you know what you're right i have

00:13:17

good memories there yeah there's some

00:13:18

memories that i had

00:13:19

so that's where i'm at david cho really

00:13:21

yeah i

00:13:22

i was sitting there he was a cook there

00:13:24

huh david cho was cooking at

00:13:26

one-on-one cafe that's david chang

00:13:28

you're thinking same guy no

00:13:30

david chang is the [ __ ] chef david

00:13:31

chose the artist the artists are chefs

00:13:34

i know but did you get them confused

00:13:38

yeah yeah yeah i just don't pay

00:13:41

attention to asians and also

00:13:43

asian and artists that's an oxymoron

00:13:44

multi-million dollar um

00:13:46

artist there's a lot of asians that are

00:13:47

multi-millionaires david cho

00:13:49

street artist oh i do know who this is

00:13:51

yeah you do no yeah i do know that okay

00:13:53

anyway but i like david chang

00:13:54

david cho i was i see this guy and he's

00:13:57

dressed like a um

00:13:58

i i a warlock and it's not halloween

00:14:02

he's literally dressed like a warlock

00:14:04

walking down in the 101 cafe

00:14:07

late at night and and you could i can

00:14:09

tell when they're korean

00:14:11

well you guys can smell each other right

00:14:12

isn't there like a there's got to be

00:14:14

something that gives you an

00:14:15

of everything you say no no i mean like

00:14:17

you guys internally like i know when

00:14:18

there's another

00:14:19

like you think i smell like lychee fruit

00:14:21

um no

00:14:22

you have an internal thing but you have

00:14:25

this pudgy kind of face that i

00:14:27

yeah the look that i like yeah i mean so

00:14:29

i go

00:14:30

and he sat next to me just sat right oh

00:14:32

you were up at the singles

00:14:33

yeah you know i'm the artist you got

00:14:35

david shaw oh yeah yeah and he goes

00:14:37

you're comedian right yeah and then i

00:14:39

then he goes i have a podcast with asa

00:14:41

akira

00:14:42

the porn star porn star yeah and so

00:14:44

kalaila and i did it and that's how we

00:14:45

started tiger belly

00:14:47

that was the beginning yeah because we

00:14:48

we were a regular on david cho's podcast

00:14:51

and then it was called dvd asa

00:14:54

and they um they one day just decided

00:14:57

not to do it anymore

00:14:58

and then mean clown let's just start our

00:14:59

own how long did yeah you grabbed

00:15:01

a little bit of their audience because

00:15:03

well that makes sense because it was a

00:15:04

korean and

00:15:05

a porn star and you're a korean and

00:15:06

collab is a porn star i understand that

00:15:08

that transition makes sense you picked

00:15:09

up where they left off when you attack

00:15:11

my my family

00:15:12

shut up don't roll your eyes and the way

00:15:14

you roll your eyes is so

00:15:15

[ __ ] it's so like um 80s drama

00:15:19

you i can't even do what you do you roll

00:15:21

both of them up and you i can't even do

00:15:23

it

00:15:23

it's like you know your eyes don't go

00:15:25

that way your eyes don't go up there no

00:15:26

it's just

00:15:27

dumb this is why it's so obvious this is

00:15:30

my privilege

00:15:31

yeah i hate it i hate it um that's wild

00:15:34

that david showed a podcast

00:15:35

how long did they do it for he did a lot

00:15:39

why asakira i wonder because they're

00:15:42

friends

00:15:42

did she still do porn she's some i think

00:15:46

but she has a kid now and she lives in a

00:15:48

different state

00:15:49

you know there was a comic that dated a

00:15:52

porn star i don't want to say her name

00:15:55

um and she stopped doing porn for a long

00:15:58

time and i just saw online

00:16:00

you know in your twitter's like

00:16:01

suggestions of people that you're

00:16:02

friends with that front yeah and i

00:16:03

suggested her again and she's doing porn

00:16:05

again

00:16:06

i really am always interested in why

00:16:07

they go back because once you quit don't

00:16:09

you think you've got to get out

00:16:10

like that's kind of like you don't go

00:16:12

back into the arena

00:16:13

i feel like once you're done you're done

00:16:15

yeah once you quit porn it'd be hard to

00:16:17

be like i'm gonna come back

00:16:18

there was a comic named thomas award

00:16:20

thomas ward i don't know

00:16:21

i never knew him this is before your

00:16:22

time yeah and i did open mics with

00:16:24

thomas

00:16:25

right and then um you know he he looked

00:16:28

just like bill cosby in fact

00:16:31

yeah he did um some parody bill cosby

00:16:35

porn

00:16:36

you know how they say you know what i

00:16:37

mean yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's like

00:16:39

he played cosby

00:16:40

yeah and so i was like yeah yeah so i'd

00:16:42

be at the porn star and i would see

00:16:45

him on the cover of this parody porn

00:16:47

bill cosby thing

00:16:48

and in my head right i'm like oh he's

00:16:51

just doing comedy like he's doing an

00:16:52

impression

00:16:54

in the porno do you think he's like a

00:16:56

comedian not in porn no he's

00:16:57

playing bill cosby in a porn where

00:16:59

everyone else is [ __ ] him oh you

00:17:01

think he's not happy he's not you know i

00:17:02

mean

00:17:02

in it he's a comic no he's like he's in

00:17:05

it

00:17:06

yeah he's in it and um i remember going

00:17:09

he's pretty good he was good huh yeah i

00:17:11

remember going

00:17:12

oh you know because sometimes you dread

00:17:13

it yeah even if i see like

00:17:15

a comic in a movie or tv show that

00:17:18

didn't think it was an actor

00:17:20

and i get relieved like oh they're

00:17:21

pretty good like nick yous

00:17:23

i was on a show called animal practice

00:17:26

and um with the monkey with the monkey

00:17:28

and nick and nick youssef

00:17:30

got a part in it oh he could help him

00:17:31

with the audition or whatever okay

00:17:33

but he i couldn't believe they hired him

00:17:35

like i remember the cast return going

00:17:37

oh yeah we heard of that guy nick what

00:17:38

do what do you mean because he did a bad

00:17:39

i don't know i don't know i never knew

00:17:41

him as an actor i just knew him as a

00:17:42

comic

00:17:43

right oh yeah so i remember being on set

00:17:45

right and i know

00:17:46

he was his scene was after the one of

00:17:48

the scenes i was in

00:17:49

it's like i'll decide to stay and i was

00:17:51

behind the monitor right

00:17:53

and as soon as he opened his mouth i

00:17:55

just left

00:17:56

why because i'm like oh he knows what

00:17:58

he's doing oh right you were worried at

00:18:00

first i was worried at first but he knew

00:18:01

what he was doing and i

00:18:02

was like all right did you think it was

00:18:04

going to reflect badly on you no

00:18:06

because you didn't get him the role i i

00:18:08

did give i'm

00:18:09

going to name his name because he hates

00:18:10

me but i did get one guy

00:18:12

so there's one guy that asked me please

00:18:14

say his name i can't please there's a

00:18:15

war and he wants to murder me all right

00:18:16

we'll look at me right now say it and

00:18:18

we'll bleep it out

00:18:18

go

00:18:20

[Laughter]

00:18:22

okay you know him yeah what do you do

00:18:24

what do you what'd you do

00:18:26

for the why he's mad at me yeah no i

00:18:28

don't want to get i don't want to redo

00:18:30

that

00:18:30

all right well go ahead well then talk

00:18:31

about it again don't do it don't roll

00:18:32

your eyes again

00:18:33

your 80s [ __ ] that's my white

00:18:34

privilege yeah see you on the slopes

00:18:37

chang really good thanks

00:18:42

so um i go i was on mad tv and i go um

00:18:46

you know be great for this part someone

00:18:48

saw i said to the casting director the

00:18:49

guy yeah

00:18:50

and she goes yeah i don't know him i'll

00:18:53

i'll call him he'll come in and i go

00:18:56

i'll sit in the room with him

00:18:58

i was like when he's auditioning i'll

00:18:59

just be in the room right

00:19:01

so um i sit next to uh the casting

00:19:04

director

00:19:05

and where's he up you have a piece of

00:19:07

paper yeah

00:19:08

so like i'm sitting there he comes in as

00:19:10

soon as he walks in

00:19:11

i went in my mind i'm like uh oh

00:19:14

why because of his vibe no he was just

00:19:16

just devastating

00:19:19

nervousness oh he was obviously yeah

00:19:21

yeah like he was like

00:19:23

his face was going

00:19:27

he was so nervous right and i was just

00:19:30

like

00:19:30

i was just like holy [ __ ]

00:19:34

right why were you in there because he

00:19:36

was my friend i would see it when

00:19:37

someone see him on this see that's where

00:19:39

the casting writer should have made you

00:19:40

leave i know i shouldn't have been there

00:19:41

no

00:19:41

that's nice i regret it i regret it i'll

00:19:44

go

00:19:44

comfortable yeah yeah i didn't anyway so

00:19:48

i go all right well let's i just wanted

00:19:50

to get her over with all right so just

00:19:52

go right and he picks up the script like

00:19:54

this right the sides right

00:19:55

always be off book by the way yeah yeah

00:19:57

i always have it but i have memorized

00:19:59

sure

00:19:59

and he does this

00:20:03

he's so nervous he's so nervous is the

00:20:05

thing is going like this right you can

00:20:06

hear it

00:20:07

yeah yeah and or i mean normally like a

00:20:10

cathedral would be like

00:20:12

okay thank you right or you want to go

00:20:13

out and prepare or or something

00:20:15

right they would say i just want keep

00:20:17

going let's do it let's finish

00:20:19

right let's finish it just want to get

00:20:20

rid of him and it just got worse and

00:20:22

worse

00:20:22

and worse and he couldn't get a word out

00:20:24

right and we were up there

00:20:26

probably 45 minutes because i wanted to

00:20:28

get something on tape

00:20:30

wait so you kept trying yeah we kept

00:20:31

trying and he's just sweating

00:20:34

you know what i mean and just shaking

00:20:37

can we call him no no

00:20:38

he hates me and then i and then i called

00:20:40

him and then i told him

00:20:42

i think i go i'm such a piece of [ __ ] i

00:20:45

go

00:20:46

you did pretty we're gonna go but i said

00:20:49

i said we're gonna go with it in a

00:20:52

different direction

00:20:55

right but you almost got it dude so mean

00:20:58

yeah yeah that's so good

00:20:59

really yeah yeah it was just it was you

00:21:02

yeah it's just that yeah because we know

00:21:05

the other

00:21:06

actress in it and i just you know i

00:21:08

don't think the chemistry's right but

00:21:09

it's not you personally yeah it was just

00:21:12

no you know what is the va it was just

00:21:13

yeah

00:21:13

didn't work this time better help oh god

00:21:17

golly gee

00:21:18

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00:21:19

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00:21:21

because because there was let me tell

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00:21:28

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00:21:42

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00:21:45

no yeah it's professional counseling

00:21:46

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00:21:48

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00:21:50

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00:25:01

friends i can't i can't say this guy's

00:25:03

name because

00:25:04

here we go he's a friend he's a friend

00:25:06

he listens to this show he's a friend

00:25:07

yeah

00:25:08

and uh he was auditioning for a movie

00:25:12

uh that a friend of ours was making

00:25:15

and it was in one of those you ever go

00:25:16

into those audition rooms or those it's

00:25:18

like a it's like a commercial office

00:25:20

and it's a ton of rooms it's like seven

00:25:21

rooms and there's they're auditioning in

00:25:23

like all of them right

00:25:24

and most of the time they're closed off

00:25:26

in their wallet well this had

00:25:28

it was glass it was like it's like an

00:25:29

office you could see right into it

00:25:31

and he's sitting there he he does the

00:25:33

audition and he kills he's so [ __ ]

00:25:34

funny he's a super funny dude yeah

00:25:36

and then he gets up and he's like all

00:25:38

right well thank you like he was so

00:25:39

confident he was so stoked

00:25:40

that he killed he's like thank you and

00:25:41

they were like thank you he's like take

00:25:42

it easy

00:25:43

and didn't turn and right into the glass

00:25:47

in front of everybody just smashes his

00:25:50

face

00:25:51

yeah yeah and then he's like well up up

00:25:53

up up that was that would have

00:25:56

but it was like a it was like a oh my

00:25:58

god are you okay like it was like

00:26:00

i would have to i would have been like i

00:26:02

would have died if i did that

00:26:03

he laughed okay good no but i mean they

00:26:06

were concerned he hit it so hard

00:26:07

right he's also a big guy so it wasn't

00:26:09

like boom it was like

00:26:11

i mean he shook the [ __ ] glass yeah

00:26:13

so they were like oh dude are you okay

00:26:15

yeah his face is a pure red from hitting

00:26:18

the window

00:26:18

and any and you know what the worst part

00:26:20

was he didn't he didn't get in the movie

00:26:22

he didn't get it no it was it was just

00:26:24

because they didn't it didn't work out

00:26:25

but he deserved to be in there yeah he

00:26:27

deserved to get

00:26:28

be in it it just it wasn't they weren't

00:26:29

going to happen have you ever walked

00:26:30

into like

00:26:31

the lobby of an audition and and

00:26:34

thought oh i should just leave i mean

00:26:37

almost every time i've done it no but

00:26:38

you see who's in the room

00:26:40

yeah i'll give you one yeah i'm not

00:26:41

gonna name the casting director because

00:26:42

she's famous and i've

00:26:44

i i've gone for her like one time and

00:26:47

i'm talking like i'm going up against

00:26:48

like actual famous people like very

00:26:50

famous people i have literally no chance

00:26:52

shia labeouf is there oh yeah why am i

00:26:54

there yeah yeah why literally why am i

00:26:56

there

00:26:56

yeah yeah i see shia labeouf outside

00:26:59

smoking reading lines

00:27:00

in the patio area yeah if you know what

00:27:02

i'm talking about you know and

00:27:03

i have to go up a couple of stairs i'm

00:27:06

nervous seeing shia labeouf

00:27:08

is this place though in um let me just

00:27:10

ask you this just a little bit

00:27:11

is it in santa monica area or is it in

00:27:14

in echo park no santa monica i know it

00:27:17

is yeah

00:27:17

yeah south place is a nightmare so i

00:27:19

have to go up the stairs at least it's a

00:27:20

nightmare it is

00:27:21

and you you can see through the stairs

00:27:22

you know stairs that happened i hate

00:27:23

that place

00:27:24

and i'm walking up the stairs and i see

00:27:26

shiloh and i'm kind of staring at him

00:27:27

smoking yeah yeah the door is opening

00:27:29

someone's leaving

00:27:30

i trip on the top stairs i'm not kidding

00:27:33

i trip on the top stair yeah and in my

00:27:35

mind i'm like go back to your car go

00:27:36

back to your car go back to your car

00:27:37

i was like just leave yeah i just leave

00:27:38

i want i do i was so and they all saw me

00:27:41

yeah he looked up he was smoking looked

00:27:43

up like oh is that

00:27:45

is that idiot red-headed guy okay yeah

00:27:47

and everyone looked out there oh my god

00:27:48

and i sat there like just i mean you

00:27:50

know what dripping with sweat because

00:27:52

you're just

00:27:53

i'm so embarrassed i those feelings of i

00:27:56

should have just gone and you know what

00:27:56

i should have gone home

00:27:57

yeah of course i didn't get it yeah of

00:27:59

course why was i there

00:28:01

yeah you know wendy o'brien i love wendy

00:28:04

o'brien one of the best

00:28:05

she's like in the business you know

00:28:06

she's put me in almost everything i've

00:28:07

done i've already she put me in davey

00:28:09

yeah i've auditioned 50 things for her

00:28:11

yeah not one thing i've ever

00:28:13

she's told me that not one thing she

00:28:15

told me that but

00:28:16

she's the one person where i went i'm

00:28:18

not gonna get it right

00:28:20

i'm gonna go in here i'm gonna kill it

00:28:22

and i'm not gonna get it

00:28:23

but i will go because she's so nice

00:28:26

because she's one of those people that

00:28:27

she'll bring you in

00:28:28

yeah because you deserve to be there

00:28:30

yeah but it's not her final call the

00:28:31

casting directors don't have the final

00:28:33

call

00:28:33

i understand that bro i'm not gonna get

00:28:35

it

00:28:36

i i i ask klyla yeah every time i get

00:28:39

one from her

00:28:40

yeah we get you you have to drive what

00:28:41

on santa monica boulevard yeah

00:28:43

off what yeah well now she's uh kind of

00:28:46

industrial

00:28:47

in india yeah it's in a industrial park

00:28:49

right so whenever i park there and i go

00:28:51

there were times where i've walked out

00:28:52

of there and asked kalella i said i

00:28:54

think i got

00:28:55

it from wendy yeah didn't happen that

00:28:57

never happened let's give her a call

00:28:59

no don't call her i'm gonna call her

00:29:00

right now please don't i like her so

00:29:02

much i don't do a door right now it's

00:29:03

late

00:29:04

hello wendy yeah wendy it's

00:29:07

it's it's santino as you know you're on

00:29:09

you're look you're on my podcast

00:29:10

and bobby wants just wants to ask you

00:29:12

something

00:29:13

oh hi bobby hi wendy how are you all i

00:29:16

did i was just watching harold and

00:29:17

kumar's christmas

00:29:19

oh my god residuals residuals for me for

00:29:21

you in your pocket

00:29:22

uh we were just saying that you're like

00:29:24

one of the best casting directors in la

00:29:25

and that we just love coming to see you

00:29:27

that's all

00:29:27

and what no what else did you say wendy

00:29:29

he needs to tell you something honestly

00:29:31

what

00:29:31

what did i say he's a little upset that

00:29:32

after all these years

00:29:35

that he comes out to see you and then he

00:29:37

can't book with you

00:29:39

what is that no it's just that true i

00:29:41

have a picture of you with boobies

00:29:43

dream corp you had nice and i said oh

00:29:45

yeah i

00:29:46

dreamed i was in so you did book with

00:29:48

her yes i did so you lied

00:29:49

you lied to our fans okay oh can i just

00:29:52

say this though yeah all right

00:29:54

um number one i didn't know that you're

00:29:55

going to call one day i know that's why

00:29:57

i'm pushing yeah you are i'm partly kind

00:29:59

of because i love you so much i'm

00:30:01

probably angry at you

00:30:02

good good good i'm like rageful almost

00:30:04

right yeah but also in paris

00:30:05

right yep and so um right now i'm going

00:30:07

to say thank you so much for dreamcore

00:30:09

uh wendy wendy i will read for you as

00:30:12

many

00:30:13

times as you want me to i love your

00:30:14

[ __ ] i love you so much you know

00:30:16

i love you and um wendy what he said was

00:30:19

we but we talked about you and he said

00:30:20

how much he really enjoyed you

00:30:22

and he was like i love her i'll read for

00:30:23

her no matter what that true truthfully

00:30:25

that's what

00:30:25

that's what he said he said no matter

00:30:26

what i go and i said she's my favorite

00:30:28

and i said well why don't we give her a

00:30:29

call and you can tell her how you feel

00:30:32

i love it i literally was just like

00:30:34

watching you it was last

00:30:36

night two nights ago it came on i'd

00:30:37

never seen any of the heralding kimonos

00:30:40

before but

00:30:41

uh there you were and i only stayed

00:30:42

watching it because it's a scene with

00:30:44

you in the office and then

00:30:46

see thank you and i was like what's so

00:30:48

good you look so good in the face you

00:30:50

look so good

00:30:50

you're so good see you thank you thank

00:30:53

you so much wendy

00:30:54

and i got to tell you something um wendy

00:30:58

is uh when he's going to be casting

00:30:59

something huge and she said they need

00:31:01

asians for it so i think

00:31:04

you might be in it wendy i'll let you go

00:31:06

we love you i love you very much

00:31:10

number one

00:31:10

[Laughter]

00:31:14

take the jacket off it's getting warm in

00:31:16

here anyway

00:31:18

honestly honest honestly no let me

00:31:20

finish she loves you

00:31:22

but tell the story honestly no i'm not

00:31:24

going to tell the story honestly i want

00:31:25

to say this

00:31:26

[Laughter]

00:31:27

honestly honestly honestly okay um

00:31:32

rudy what's been going on with you

00:31:33

lately i'm fine

00:31:36

you're fine because you're acting a

00:31:36

little bit weird you've been coming here

00:31:37

acting really weird

00:31:39

huh yeah your vibe is strange no

00:31:42

i'm doing good you're doing very good

00:31:44

yeah all right we're going to catch up

00:31:45

with you in a second hold on bob you

00:31:46

ready

00:31:47

yeah say what you need to say go ahead

00:31:50

um

00:31:51

so and i'm going to just be completely

00:31:54

truthful with you

00:31:55

yeah remember that guy that you were

00:31:57

that you said you were going to go on a

00:31:58

date with

00:31:59

yeah what happened with that i ignored

00:32:02

him

00:32:03

smart smart girl all right bob go ahead

00:32:08

go ahead papa you you

00:32:11

uh honestly please don't do that again

00:32:15

talk to rudy yeah why she's my face

00:32:17

because i was literally in a rage

00:32:19

i know i'm calming you down i was in a

00:32:20

rage no no and that's not helping

00:32:22

you trying to be me this year this year

00:32:25

that was

00:32:26

putting more fuel on the fire i got it

00:32:28

and i almost snapped

00:32:29

relax but don't do that again relax

00:32:32

so tell go ahead get it out but don't do

00:32:35

that again

00:32:36

oh as someone who's been doing comedy

00:32:39

for 30 years

00:32:40

do not do that again when you say don't

00:32:42

what am i supposed to do if you do it

00:32:44

again

00:32:44

in comedy this long when you say don't

00:32:46

do it again if you do it again yeah i'm

00:32:48

gonna leave

00:32:49

yeah okay and then you'll have to roll

00:32:50

your eyes again

00:32:52

yeah all right okay

00:32:59

piece of [ __ ] garbage say it could

00:33:02

you

00:33:03

bro you dude this is good you're not

00:33:05

true you're me this year and i'm using

00:33:08

what you broke my stomach is bubbling so

00:33:10

i don't give a

00:33:11

[ __ ] because i have bubble guts today

00:33:13

yeah yeah let me say something

00:33:14

you are on my last [ __ ] nerve right

00:33:16

now

00:33:18

it's just [ __ ] driving me

00:33:21

crazy with your [ __ ] attitude man

00:33:24

yeah right

00:33:24

you know i've dealt with your [ __ ]

00:33:26

for a [ __ ] year no you [ __ ]

00:33:28

everything you do i'm [ __ ] pure and

00:33:30

simple

00:33:31

dude good guy okay i'm pure and simple a

00:33:34

good guy what had happened today that

00:33:35

you got in such a bad way

00:33:37

it doesn't matter you know when people

00:33:38

wake up and it's just a [ __ ] bad day

00:33:40

your life is great what i know it is

00:33:42

someone had a bad day

00:33:43

tell me what happened right but what i'm

00:33:45

just saying is is that i get in the car

00:33:47

i drive here

00:33:48

oh first of all our food comes at seven

00:33:50

[ __ ] 50

00:33:51

right because it's two hours late right

00:33:54

it's cold because it's outside

00:33:56

you know i mean all my [ __ ] soggy let me

00:33:58

don't keep that face

00:34:00

wipe that face off your face man keep

00:34:02

that face up keep that face on your

00:34:03

jewels go down and get it

00:34:04

it doesn't come up for another 20

00:34:05

minutes and then so then it's now seven

00:34:07

she's rolled her eyes 750 i'm like if we

00:34:10

don't get in the car right now andrew's

00:34:11

gonna be mad at me because we're [ __ ]

00:34:12

late

00:34:13

let me see you roll your eyes oh it's

00:34:14

bad do it try it

00:34:16

yeah there we go yeah that was good so

00:34:18

um we're late right you're yeah you're

00:34:20

saying i'm going to be late we're going

00:34:21

to be late so i couldn't really even eat

00:34:23

the food because i was already getting

00:34:24

late what about ordering the food

00:34:26

earlier

00:34:26

we did we ordered it at six your food

00:34:29

didn't get there for an hour

00:34:31

because from the other side of town it

00:34:32

was a lot big order right

00:34:34

came back soggy oh my god and so then i

00:34:36

um get in the car i come here

00:34:39

and i'm like i was doing like you know

00:34:41

just you know

00:34:43

just be mindful of andrew and be nice

00:34:45

and yeah

00:34:46

and then um i come in here and the

00:34:49

raging that

00:34:50

is still there but then it's like you

00:34:52

with your it started with your eyes

00:34:53

rolling back in the back of your head

00:34:55

that

00:34:56

that was like [ __ ] you know

00:35:00

nagging me yeah it was yeah it was just

00:35:02

like

00:35:03

here's how good of a day you had you

00:35:04

woke up late in the day you sat around

00:35:06

and played video games then you ordered

00:35:08

food never played video games one time

00:35:09

not today nope wow that's why you're

00:35:11

pissed off

00:35:12

and that's not why why are you mad then

00:35:14

what could have happened today

00:35:16

wait what you know remember the the time

00:35:18

that you got all dizzy and you [ __ ]

00:35:19

hit your head on the thing

00:35:21

remember that [ __ ] move that you did oh

00:35:23

what can't [ __ ] you know i mean

00:35:25

like did i give a [ __ ] about that yeah

00:35:27

you did

00:35:29

i know but my point is no that is the

00:35:30

point i know but the point is is that we

00:35:32

have weird days where we

00:35:33

no that wasn't a weird [ __ ] and we go oh

00:35:35

i'm dizzy we hit our head

00:35:36

on the [ __ ] thing so did you hit your

00:35:38

head on no i'm just saying we just had

00:35:40

you know so today was something

00:35:42

the catalyst today was my dizzy head day

00:35:43

yeah but had a catalyst

00:35:45

something was a catalyst no that was a

00:35:47

catalyst we i i you know

00:35:49

because when you say i had a bad day we

00:35:50

were watching a i woke up and

00:35:52

she was watching some it wasn't love

00:35:55

island but with some sort of mtv show

00:35:57

where a bunch of [ __ ]

00:35:59

reality kids are in an island

00:36:02

and hawaii no just listen right and

00:36:04

they're like trying to match up with it

00:36:06

with each other love island

00:36:07

it's not love island it's american oh it

00:36:09

was that type of and then you know and i

00:36:12

was watching it

00:36:12

i did watch five episodes of it oh that

00:36:16

made you mad i don't know i was just

00:36:17

watching it and i was just kind of go i

00:36:18

didn't know

00:36:19

because it wasn't the first episode it

00:36:20

was like i saw episode four

00:36:23

on right so i don't know who's with what

00:36:25

and i don't know why this show is on

00:36:27

i don't know why there's interest right

00:36:30

and i just see a bunch of

00:36:31

young good-looking people yeah you mean

00:36:34

go you're going

00:36:34

you know i don't know if johnny likes me

00:36:36

but i'm gonna [ __ ] his friend billy you

00:36:38

know i mean and then billy's just like

00:36:39

yeah

00:36:40

yeah [ __ ] [ __ ] savannah but you know

00:36:42

what dude it's like

00:36:43

i don't really like her you know margo's

00:36:45

my girl yeah yeah and it's like all of

00:36:47

this going on and i'm watching

00:36:49

epis just hours of it right and inside

00:36:52

i'm like i want to

00:36:54

kill everyone on this island but you

00:36:56

couldn't stop watching it

00:36:57

i couldn't stop watching it and then it

00:36:59

it was like

00:37:00

in my early twenties i would never you

00:37:03

know who would be asked to be on that

00:37:04

show

00:37:05

and you were as a comic theo vaughn he

00:37:07

was on real world i know we can't

00:37:09

mention that he hates it it'll snap we

00:37:12

cannot bring that up why he's not here

00:37:14

oh yeah yeah one time he told me

00:37:18

he goes yo man don't talk about it we'll

00:37:20

talk about that again

00:37:21

well because you said it on a podcast no

00:37:23

i brought it over that way

00:37:24

oh you brought him on stage oh right i

00:37:26

think you've told me the story he got

00:37:28

pissed off the road rules

00:37:29

yeah and he just didn't like it right so

00:37:31

um but dude everyone has a terrible

00:37:33

thing in their past that they

00:37:34

you know so what i know you think most

00:37:37

of the things i did

00:37:38

on mad tv i'm embarrassed about

00:37:39

sometimes people used to bring me up to

00:37:40

punk

00:37:41

like last year i was like what it was a

00:37:44

decade ago

00:37:45

club still brego from mad tv it's like i

00:37:47

did that [ __ ]

00:37:48

12 15 years ago do you think some kids

00:37:50

don't know what that is do you think

00:37:51

like i know

00:37:52

i don't want them to know you really

00:37:53

don't want but you i don't it's you know

00:37:55

see it's something you should be proud

00:37:56

of because you were good on it

00:37:57

no it's not that listen i'm i was on a

00:38:00

show for eight years they're like a

00:38:01

family to me and and it was my first

00:38:05

you know television experience it was

00:38:06

cool but you want to move forward no

00:38:08

it's just and also it's like i didn't um

00:38:10

i never really i couldn't like ride that

00:38:13

wave

00:38:14

it wasn't a wave you could ride yeah you

00:38:17

know some people get

00:38:18

like you know a big thing and they can

00:38:20

ride it into something else

00:38:22

i couldn't i almost had to go back on

00:38:23

the beach get a new board

00:38:25

and then swim back out yeah but but it's

00:38:28

also because you're not

00:38:29

your priority was always like being

00:38:31

funny and not mark

00:38:32

marketing is not you don't do that thing

00:38:36

i don't know how to do that no it's not

00:38:37

i'm just kind of just i'm not great at

00:38:39

it either it's right so i'm just using

00:38:40

um i'm

00:38:41

i you know bobby lee is the is my

00:38:44

franchise you know

00:38:46

selling this i mean you it's what it's

00:38:48

selling like hot cakes right

00:38:50

i'm just this is what i'm selling so my

00:38:51

point is i was watching this [ __ ]

00:38:53

a bunch of [ __ ] hot people black and

00:38:56

mexican

00:38:59

you know i mean and they get to go do

00:39:01

free they do free [ __ ]

00:39:03

right they drink and they [ __ ] and they

00:39:05

party they get free [ __ ] and in my 20s

00:39:08

i had to pay for it grovel right right i

00:39:11

was never invited to the park so this is

00:39:13

just jealousy and i watched

00:39:14

hours of it and i think maybe that's

00:39:16

what it is yeah yeah

00:39:18

i do agree with you i think it's because

00:39:19

it's like her food and nobody listens to

00:39:21

me go get the food and you know

00:39:23

look at her face look at her face you

00:39:26

mean

00:39:27

i get you a rug and i bring you a big

00:39:29

dog let everybody see your cool shirt

00:39:31

your uh your

00:39:32

hunter hunter shirt who gave you that

00:39:35

bobby

00:39:38

interesting very interesting that's a

00:39:40

very interesting fact actually very

00:39:42

interesting what did you say when he

00:39:42

gave it to you

00:39:44

i said thank you i really love it did

00:39:46

you give him a big hug

00:39:48

a little hug you don't like hugs from

00:39:50

her do you no i do like hugs

00:39:51

let me ask you this jules

00:39:56

when i when i sometimes i'll go hug

00:39:59

and what do you say no hmm no because he

00:40:02

chokes me

00:40:04

oh what that's that makes perfect sense

00:40:06

choked you before in your life no i

00:40:07

think we're figuring something out here

00:40:09

i've choked you yeah when when did i

00:40:11

choke you

00:40:12

last week last week i put my hands

00:40:15

around your neck

00:40:16

and i choked you you could choke from

00:40:17

the side you don't need to die yes

00:40:19

that's a hug

00:40:20

choke hug choke look at the way you're

00:40:22

doing it

00:40:23

that's a choke yeah but you this is not

00:40:24

right stop pause pause look at your

00:40:26

body figure your head's here this is a

00:40:28

choke form this is your head is right

00:40:30

here

00:40:30

and i'm hugging her head is here yeah

00:40:33

her little head right here i don't know

00:40:34

her head her head's here and i'm hug

00:40:36

like that strong hug

00:40:38

i love you choke yeah yeah so it hurts

00:40:41

is what she's saying when you hug her

00:40:42

doesn't hurt she's a delicious little

00:40:44

girl what i do to her mom

00:40:46

i beat the [ __ ] out of her mom i fart in

00:40:49

her mom's

00:40:50

face when she's sleeping i don't give a

00:40:51

[ __ ] why do you do that to her mom

00:40:53

[ __ ] honey that's his mom her mom i know

00:40:56

yeah yeah

00:40:57

i have a video on my instagram where

00:40:59

she's sleeping on her mom

00:41:01

right is sleeping on my couch at my

00:41:03

hotel room

00:41:04

right now and you fart on her i take out

00:41:06

the hole

00:41:08

that's so from the tap right and i

00:41:11

[ __ ] you know

00:41:12

unload one on her you're so reverse

00:41:14

style so mean

00:41:16

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00:41:22

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00:42:49

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nobody would get any we you we love this

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they work with um usps yeah let me read

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the top of the page type in

00:44:19

bad friends that shipstation.com enter

00:44:22

offer code

00:44:22

bad friends ship station make ship

00:44:24

happen

00:44:26

i [ __ ] um i decide

00:44:29

because i'm a good guy i decide you know

00:44:32

what i'll take some of these [ __ ]

00:44:33

people

00:44:34

you know i mean

00:44:38

i want to take them to the greatest

00:44:40

place in the world

00:44:42

where is that disneyland

00:44:45

texas disneyland oh yeah right

00:44:49

so you bring these you know immobiles to

00:44:51

disneyland right

00:44:52

right you buy the little mickey mouse

00:44:54

here so that is that zamasu yeah yeah

00:44:56

yeah yeah you put

00:44:57

the ears yeah right you give them that

00:45:00

what's that flag the wand

00:45:11

oh you feed them you feed it you feed

00:45:12

them yeah you feed them you throw what

00:45:14

you're throwing at them you're right you

00:45:15

don't give it your mom catch you with

00:45:16

your mouth

00:45:19

so then you know we're going and go hey

00:45:20

so let's go on space mountain

00:45:23

no what right the immigrants didn't want

00:45:26

to go on space mountain we don't do

00:45:27

yes you do do you do do you do do when i

00:45:29

bring you yeah you do

00:45:30

then we go to another ride no scary we

00:45:34

don't do

00:45:34

tower terror didn't want to do it oh

00:45:36

that one so now that's called what the

00:45:38

guardian's

00:45:39

a galaxy yeah yeah right yeah it's

00:45:41

called gardens and galaxy now they made

00:45:43

it scarier

00:45:44

that wait tower terror is gone yeah one

00:45:46

of my favorite rides

00:45:47

they made it scary it's now gardens of

00:45:49

the galaxy guardians of the galaxy

00:45:50

it's scarier really yeah it's so [ __ ]

00:45:53

scary do people still die i don't get a

00:45:54

little night

00:45:55

no wow they just sat on the bench and

00:45:58

watched us ride how

00:45:59

rude is that why i did most of the rides

00:46:03

you did guardian against the galaxy only

00:46:05

guardians of the galaxy

00:46:06

why didn't you do it yeah what four i

00:46:08

was really scared

00:46:10

oh grow up really scared what could

00:46:13

happen disney's a major corporation you

00:46:14

think they're going to let you die or

00:46:15

get hurt on that ride

00:46:17

no but that's right just take the hit

00:46:20

so i i told them i go i do think people

00:46:22

die once at least once a year on those

00:46:24

things yeah but the odds yeah yeah yeah

00:46:26

it's not going to happen

00:46:27

but you know where i want to take them

00:46:28

now next time they're in town that's

00:46:30

barry farm

00:46:31

no magic mountain oh yeah six flags but

00:46:34

they'll never go on any of that

00:46:35

no i said no that you said you would i

00:46:37

would

00:46:38

yeah you know you won't no those are way

00:46:41

scarier

00:46:41

disneyland those are way bigger those

00:46:43

things when you look at those things

00:46:45

you're like

00:46:45

can i do it you know where you you're in

00:46:48

line you're like what am i doing

00:46:49

yeah yeah that's how scary they are no

00:46:51

they're freak

00:46:53

you don't know how to get it you got to

00:46:54

put your ankles in a like little metal

00:46:55

thing and you think well this thing

00:46:56

works well listen

00:46:59

and they lock you in but then also you

00:47:00

start by flipping over sometimes yeah

00:47:02

you're forwarding yeah they go

00:47:03

right so we're starting

00:47:06

freaking we all gotta go wait don't make

00:47:09

her what's that face what's that face

00:47:11

i'm scared no you gotta go you again

00:47:14

how many people die a year no i'm afraid

00:47:17

i'm gonna pee on my pants

00:47:19

oh seriously yeah in your pants or on

00:47:22

she takes her pants off and just pees on

00:47:24

them

00:47:25

approximately four deaths annually in

00:47:27

the united states associated with roller

00:47:29

coasters

00:47:30

although traumatic injuries resulting in

00:47:31

the death of roller coasters patron tend

00:47:32

to receive the most

00:47:33

deaths that's too much for my [ __ ]

00:47:35

blood i think four

00:47:36

that's not that many people how many

00:47:37

rides are there though 20. this is well

00:47:40

this is only in the united states

00:47:41

okay how many more deaths how many

00:47:44

people a year die

00:47:44

how many people die a year at disneyland

00:47:48

yeah because there's got to be some a

00:47:51

list of instance reports oh man there's

00:47:52

a whole list

00:47:55

there's a lot like what well this is uh

00:47:58

negligence part of the guest part of the

00:48:00

park

00:48:01

wow well let's see recently on july 6

00:48:04

2019 a fight broke out

00:48:06

at mickey's toontown after reports that

00:48:09

a woman had spit into a man's face the

00:48:11

four people and their families were

00:48:12

escorted off the property and charges

00:48:13

were

00:48:14

considered like the tower of terror

00:48:15

incident

00:48:17

it was filmed on camera phone uploaded

00:48:18

youtube what happened to tower of terror

00:48:20

look at that 2019 was the last time

00:48:22

there was an altercation

00:48:24

construction accident this year 38 year

00:48:25

old construction worker was fatally

00:48:26

injured when a steel plate

00:48:28

fell on him while working in a trench oh

00:48:30

my god they tried to perform cpr but he

00:48:32

died

00:48:34

wow that's so sad that's a sad thing

00:48:37

that happened to that guy but

00:48:38

again you know you lose some you lose

00:48:42

some i guess

00:48:44

parking structures look at how many

00:48:45

parking lot structures in mickey's

00:48:47

toontown

00:48:48

what could provoke the fight broke out

00:48:51

like why would you hey bro you guys are

00:48:54

skipping in line at toontown hey

00:48:55

and then i would be like hey bro my bad

00:48:58

no bro now you're bad bro we got to

00:48:59

throw down

00:49:00

no we've been here since are you going

00:49:02

to spit on me bro

00:49:03

yeah bro back up son

00:49:06

[Laughter]

00:49:08

yeah this has infectious diseases too

00:49:10

yeah between

00:49:11

december 17th and 20th to visit us the

00:49:14

park were exposed to measles

00:49:16

is that still around and look where it's

00:49:17

from show some of the rides at magic

00:49:18

mountain

00:49:19

oh yeah you got to see some of the magic

00:49:21

mountain magic mountain rides

00:49:23

you got to go on these hot

00:49:26

six flags at the park baby magic

00:49:29

mountain

00:49:30

six flags it may be one of the best six

00:49:33

flags ever we had one in chicago and

00:49:34

outside chicago it's called

00:49:36

um great america wow and they had the

00:49:39

old they had the american eagle was the

00:49:41

the the uh the wooden one our rides

00:49:45

okay look apocalypse all wood sent from

00:49:47

the future

00:49:48

they still got batman which is crazy

00:49:50

yeah the best one i don't think they

00:49:52

have anymore deja vu

00:49:53

that was fun well it's in no it's not

00:49:55

because it's in alphabetical order

00:49:56

daffy's adventure tours

00:49:58

and dive devil what's dive devil that's

00:50:00

that's one of those where you take a

00:50:01

leap and it swings through the

00:50:02

phoenix elmer's weather balloons

00:50:05

yeah forget that one and what's full

00:50:07

throttle photo they use yeah full

00:50:09

throttle like this is crazy this kind of

00:50:11

[ __ ] is

00:50:11

look at that look at that bananas

00:50:13

bananas

00:50:14

you want to see what it looks like rudy

00:50:16

this is what we're going to do we're

00:50:17

going to do this as soon as panty's done

00:50:19

look at there it is this is us on full

00:50:21

throttle

00:50:23

oh yeah dude and a lot of times people

00:50:25

fall out right here

00:50:26

people die people dumb i'm dying and

00:50:29

they hit the

00:50:30

rail then the ground right they rail fly

00:50:33

right

00:50:34

and they break their neck and usually

00:50:35

they end up don't they don't actually

00:50:36

die right away

00:50:38

these aren't as scary though with the

00:50:39

loopy loop ones no i like the ones that

00:50:41

are

00:50:42

yeah i like the ones when you go

00:50:43

straight from top all the way to the

00:50:45

bottom

00:50:45

there you go yeah that's good diversity

00:50:48

yeah yeah

00:50:49

that's the one where it goes straight up

00:50:50

see i'm always afraid that these bars

00:50:52

are gonna um

00:50:53

break snap yeah well look it's on just

00:50:55

like a hinge it's on like a it's on a

00:50:56

looks like a lollipop yeah you'll be

00:50:58

like lollipop material

00:51:00

it's just like a hydraulic hinge what if

00:51:02

this thing just decides to just be like

00:51:03

fail nip nip and opens up yeah

00:51:07

or you know how it doesn't you know like

00:51:09

it locks yeah but i'm always afraid it's

00:51:10

going to unlock

00:51:12

well you know how it works but there's

00:51:14

still some space

00:51:15

you know what i mean like there's still

00:51:16

it's still it's still a little space by

00:51:18

the way

00:51:18

speaking of which have you seen the

00:51:19

video that circulated again about dmx

00:51:22

on the slingshot uh-uh

00:51:25

come on who's dmx dmx the rapper what

00:51:28

oh yeah this guy on the slingshot you've

00:51:29

never seen this this may be one of the

00:51:30

funniest videos i've ever seen in my

00:51:32

entire life

00:51:34

has it gone yet no he's amping himself

00:51:37

up he's just getting excited to do it

00:51:38

just because he's nervous so he has to

00:51:40

yell look at how fast he's breathing

00:51:42

look at his body yeah

00:51:55

these are grown men

00:51:56

[Laughter]

00:52:00

keep going keep going no he there's

00:52:02

nothing happen they slowly let them down

00:52:04

oh really yeah oh i like it when they

00:52:06

pass out or they vomit on each other oh

00:52:08

the

00:52:08

people when people pass out is my

00:52:09

favorite look think about how your face

00:52:11

is on this

00:52:12

sweaty thing this is my biggest pet

00:52:14

peeve with

00:52:15

with rides and stuff yeah i mean think

00:52:18

about

00:52:18

even pre-pandy i hated touchy gross

00:52:22

sweaty

00:52:23

black people all up in the thing they

00:52:25

know how rude it would be to just

00:52:27

wipe it down uh i would i would

00:52:29

absolutely if a guy leaves what if he

00:52:30

turns around and looks at you and i go

00:52:32

you look gross

00:52:34

it's not my fault you look gross yeah i

00:52:36

would absolutely wipe off the in fact

00:52:38

do you think i was talking to this uh do

00:52:39

you think people are gonna start doing

00:52:40

that now

00:52:41

constantly oh maybe like when pandy's

00:52:43

over do you think that's just gonna be

00:52:44

the norm oh i mean

00:52:46

when i was on the flight you know what i

00:52:48

mean so everyone in first class was like

00:52:50

yeah i mean to hawaii wiping everything

00:52:53

down yeah

00:52:54

that's what i did that's what i do you

00:52:56

didn't wipe it down at all

00:52:57

no i had two masks on yeah your mask is

00:53:01

yeah

00:53:01

and i had another [ __ ] shield were

00:53:04

you touching it though

00:53:05

what you what no i i you know you know

00:53:08

how i do it yeah

00:53:09

i mean i snuck on like this i sat down

00:53:11

right yeah i put the seat belt on

00:53:13

right and i put more you know yeah but

00:53:15

that's all and you don't it's not like

00:53:17

you use anything anymore

00:53:18

well i just figured like if some gets

00:53:20

coveted gets on my first of all

00:53:22

you can't get it from surfaces i heard

00:53:25

you

00:53:26

could if you touched it it was fresh and

00:53:27

you put it to your mouth or face

00:53:30

so here at bad friends we're not

00:53:32

licensed medical professionals we are

00:53:34

comics with barely a high school diploma

00:53:36

for medical information go to the cdc

00:53:38

website and

00:53:40

you know don't [ __ ] listen to us if

00:53:42

they have pictures of it look at the

00:53:43

kova just hanging out smoking i know but

00:53:45

how long does kovat chill they don't

00:53:47

really know

00:53:47

a couple hours on certain services andre

00:53:50

so trace's wife is in the medical tell

00:53:52

us andres three days

00:53:53

three days all right so if i okay so for

00:53:55

instance if there was covid right here

00:53:56

on this table

00:53:58

right we cleaned this before everyone i

00:53:59

know i understand that but uh

00:54:01

andreas yes and i touched it right

00:54:04

yeah after like an hour yep and i

00:54:07

put in my eyeball why are you touching

00:54:09

your eye i put up my eyeball

00:54:11

right could i get covered yes did we

00:54:14

clean this desk this morning

00:54:15

we do yeah we do every day yeah can you

00:54:18

get covered from surfaces

00:54:20

yeah no wait kovid from surfaces i know

00:54:24

from surfaces yeah i'll do it

00:54:27

it may be possible that a person can get

00:54:28

covenanting by touching a surface or

00:54:29

object that has the virus on and then

00:54:31

touching their own mouth nose or

00:54:32

possibly their eyes

00:54:33

but this is not thought to be the main

00:54:35

way yeah it's not the main way

00:54:36

it doesn't matter it's our way what it's

00:54:38

got to be the main way babe

00:54:40

no it's not that's like saying you can't

00:54:42

get hiv from having

00:54:44

non-butt sex no it's like you know butt

00:54:46

sex is probably the most common way

00:54:48

not the main way but you could get it

00:54:51

what's the main way

00:54:52

butt sex right what's the non-main way

00:54:54

yeah vaginal sex

00:55:00

transfusion transfusion there's other

00:55:02

ways

00:55:04

it's more like i think that was a good

00:55:05

example andre yes i know i think

00:55:07

can you get hiv from spitting in

00:55:09

somebody's mouth

00:55:10

no but can you make out with somebody if

00:55:13

you both have cuts inside your mouth

00:55:14

still won't spread that even your cuts

00:55:15

inside the mouth still won't spread that

00:55:17

way but if i had to cut out my dick and

00:55:18

you're giving me a

00:55:19

job then the likelihood could could be

00:55:21

there yes

00:55:22

okay so there we go so that's like what

00:55:24

probably 0.1 percent gets it it's

00:55:26

happened

00:55:27

right it's happened there was a guy i

00:55:28

needed to take the rest there was a guy

00:55:29

that had a huge huge

00:55:30

take a risk on that all right well i

00:55:32

guess i'm gonna if i have a cut on my

00:55:33

dick and you have a cut in your [ __ ]

00:55:34

thing and i have hiv or you have hiv i'm

00:55:36

willing to take the risk well if you

00:55:37

have hiv and you're gonna give it to me

00:55:38

then you don't care at all

00:55:40

okay but if you even if you had hiv

00:55:43

right you had to cut your mouth

00:55:44

right and i had to cut on my dick right

00:55:46

i would [ __ ] risk it

00:55:47

you would yeah really oh yeah that seems

00:55:50

silly

00:55:51

it's what 0.001 chance to get it that's

00:55:54

but

00:55:54

the one existed but then i'll be like

00:55:56

i'll go i'll go to [ __ ] um

00:55:58

magic johnson's house he beat it

00:56:01

i know okay well then i'll go give me

00:56:04

your [ __ ] give me the fix yeah

00:56:06

now do you think he got it from a guy

00:56:10

that's a real that's real because his

00:56:12

wife doesn't have it

00:56:14

i think when we saw that richard pryor

00:56:15

thing the other day mm-hmm

00:56:17

i think more guys [ __ ] in the ass and we

00:56:19

we don't that we're not privy to

00:56:21

a lot of men have had sexual relations

00:56:24

with men done stuff with men i believe

00:56:27

and i truly believe this

00:56:28

that you've done some stuff with men

00:56:32

okay and then don't be embarrassed i

00:56:34

mean i haven't but i mean don't be

00:56:35

embarrassed by it

00:56:36

okay okay you have and don't be

00:56:38

embarrassed what did i do

00:56:39

i don't know your private life but i'm

00:56:41

just i know your nature

00:56:42

yeah i don't know what kind of guy you

00:56:44

are you've had

00:56:46

no just being honest what when did i do

00:56:48

this i don't know when

00:56:50

no you do so tell me when you probably

00:56:51

happened in college what college did you

00:56:53

go to arizona state

00:56:54

arizona state right it's pre-party town

00:56:56

big party school right you probably went

00:56:58

to a party yeah i'm there

00:57:00

you got drunk yeah right and you went

00:57:02

hey

00:57:03

john just kidding yeah

00:57:06

and john went all right the closest i've

00:57:09

ever come

00:57:10

is uh being in a three in the devil's

00:57:12

threesome me and my friend and a girl

00:57:15

yeah but what'd you do in the devils uh

00:57:17

the true story

00:57:18

or the or the comedy versions would you

00:57:20

do the devils here's what's really sad

00:57:22

what did you touch his penis no no your

00:57:25

penises touch your penis

00:57:26

no not even close because she was dog

00:57:29

style and i was

00:57:30

hitting it from behind and then he was

00:57:31

getting his his knobs lobbed

00:57:33

and the worst part was is he started

00:57:35

talking

00:57:36

yeah and it freaked me out and i had to

00:57:38

like as fast as i could i had he was

00:57:39

like oh yeah

00:57:42

yeah i was like no no i was already

00:57:44

weirded out about the whole thing

00:57:46

yeah you know what mike barton did to me

00:57:47

who he's a comic named mike burton

00:57:50

what did he do to you he gave me a

00:57:51

thumbs up

00:57:53

while you guys were hooking up with

00:57:54

something with the girl this he'd give

00:57:55

you thumbs up he went like this i was

00:57:56

just i was going down on her

00:57:58

right and he was getting blown by her

00:58:00

right

00:58:01

man you got the raw into that dude yeah

00:58:02

i was eating her out and i look up and

00:58:04

he looked he was looking at me the whole

00:58:06

time i think

00:58:06

yeah right because it's like because

00:58:08

once i looked up he was already looking

00:58:09

at he's just staring down

00:58:10

freaked me out yeah i was just like i

00:58:12

was doing my business down here man

00:58:14

you know i mean don't look at my work

00:58:15

you're diving and he's just chilling you

00:58:16

know what i mean

00:58:17

yeah hey bob yeah so i i i'm down i look

00:58:21

and he's like this

00:58:22

and he looks at me goes

00:58:25

and i went and you kept going

00:58:28

yeah and i kept going but see that's

00:58:29

very nice that you kept going no my god

00:58:32

my buddy talked

00:58:33

look at me my buddy talked and i had to

00:58:34

finish as fast as i could yeah

00:58:36

and this is probably mean she probably

00:58:37

took this the wrong way i got in the

00:58:39

shower immediately

00:58:40

they kept hooking up for the next like

00:58:41

hour i got in the shower and went back

00:58:42

downstairs at the party

00:58:44

yeah that was the closest i've come to

00:58:45

any kind of like male sexual encounter

00:58:48

i've never had one i'll be genuine with

00:58:49

you i would tell you if i had something

00:58:50

weird

00:58:51

brian i i've taken brian keith edward

00:58:53

and aaron cater

00:58:54

bke you know bk yeah yeah yeah and aaron

00:58:57

cater

00:58:59

i've taken the breakfast with the girls

00:59:02

afterwards wait what explain what you're

00:59:05

saying

00:59:06

i had a sexual thing with a bunch of

00:59:08

girls and aaron cater and brian keith

00:59:10

etheridge

00:59:10

all you guys together yes weird combo

00:59:12

and then after i know

00:59:13

and then afterwards you know i mean i

00:59:15

bought breakfast

00:59:16

that's right no but that's one of the

00:59:18

like i wish i hadn't done that was that

00:59:20

a cafe 101 rest in peace no it wasn't

00:59:22

vegas oh okay but it's such a weird

00:59:25

awkward breakfast

00:59:26

yeah of course why would you do five in

00:59:27

the morning you just want to go to sleep

00:59:29

you want everyone out

00:59:30

yeah cause it's your hotel room right

00:59:32

where you want everyone out

00:59:33

and you're just kind of eating this

00:59:35

shitty omelette you know i mean you know

00:59:37

i mean you got like

00:59:39

fl you have things in your mouth you

00:59:41

know i mean you have like

00:59:42

chunks of other things in your mouth

00:59:44

right you're completely

00:59:46

just depleted of any kind of like fluids

00:59:48

right

00:59:49

right and you're just you feel gross

00:59:51

about the whole experience

00:59:52

also you you i don't you know at the

00:59:55

time i didn't know those two guys that

00:59:56

well

00:59:57

how did that even happen we weren't

00:59:58

besties right you know what i mean i

01:00:00

made them an open mic it was just a gig

01:00:02

it was a gig right and um i'm just

01:00:04

eating this [ __ ] sh

01:00:05

and just looking at them and you know

01:00:07

brian keith which is one of the ugliest

01:00:09

guys

01:00:10

i've ever seen in my [ __ ] you said it

01:00:12

not me he is he handsome

01:00:15

i don't remember he has no chin

01:00:17

literally noun well what if he hears

01:00:19

this bob he's i've already talked about

01:00:20

i've done i did this

01:00:22

i did the story on comedy central

01:00:23

already but did you call him ugly

01:00:25

yeah he's the one the ugliest people

01:00:27

i've ever seen in my life

01:00:29

really you think this guy's the most one

01:00:30

of the ugliest people you've ever seen

01:00:31

in your life depends on what photo you

01:00:32

see

01:00:33

oh that yeah you're a mean one

01:00:37

mr grinch he's not that ugly he

01:00:40

again looks like another rick classman

01:00:42

it is funny how many rick glassman's

01:00:43

is this him now that's what he looks

01:00:45

like now huh

01:00:47

wow that's not him sure is

01:00:51

uh sure is that's not him yes it is yes

01:00:54

it is dude that's him today

01:00:55

no that's him right there this right

01:00:56

here yeah yeah yeah that's him

01:00:58

that's him right there on the right yeah

01:01:00

none on the left this is him right here

01:01:02

yeah that's him

01:01:03

he's all right looking he's all right

01:01:05

guys rudy what do you think about that

01:01:06

guy is he handsome

01:01:09

he looks creepy he looks creepy she says

01:01:11

oh he is creepy

01:01:12

what he is very creepy what what vibe

01:01:16

why does he give you that vibe right

01:01:17

away the mouth and the eyes

01:01:20

the mouth see women can tell if guys are

01:01:22

creepy by their mouth

01:01:24

isn't that weird yeah let's show her a

01:01:26

picture of somebody and see if she

01:01:27

thinks they're creepy just by their

01:01:28

mouth

01:01:29

who's somebody we're friends with that

01:01:30

we can show her and see if they're

01:01:32

creepy right just by their mouth

01:01:34

a comic she might not know okay give me

01:01:37

somebody

01:01:38

who's someone that she might not know

01:01:39

that do they look creepy yeah do you

01:01:41

know who anthony jesselnik is

01:01:43

no great perfect close your eyes close

01:01:45

your eyes

01:01:46

all right is this guy is this guy a

01:01:49

creep or whatever

01:01:50

zoom in about no no don't zoom in the

01:01:51

mouth first i mean that's as close as

01:01:53

i'm gonna get

01:01:53

no so you can look at the mouth and not

01:01:55

the face and then you can zoom out

01:01:57

that's very smart keep your eyes closed

01:01:59

woman yeah

01:02:01

all right that's as close as we can get

01:02:02

on this dude you can't zoom into the

01:02:04

mouth

01:02:05

no right there okay there we go do that

01:02:08

all right what do you think

01:02:10

yeah creepy yeah wow interesting and

01:02:13

then that's what he looks like regular

01:02:14

how do you think

01:02:16

kinda oh still wow all right close your

01:02:19

eyes again he's cute

01:02:20

i think he's really yeah he's a handsome

01:02:21

guy yeah jim jeffries do you know jim

01:02:23

jeffries she doesn't know he doesn't

01:02:24

know any of them

01:02:25

no this mouth right here right

01:02:28

all right rudy creep or not a creep

01:02:34

i don't think so i don't think so yeah i

01:02:36

don't think so that's jim ah

01:02:38

oh is it bad now it's bad now

01:02:41

is it bad now kind of yeah yeah wow

01:02:44

great guy great guy great another great

01:02:47

guy great comment

01:02:48

great guy so you maybe you think all

01:02:49

guys are creepy yeah close your eyes

01:02:51

close your eyes let's do one more

01:02:52

another one see one more i want to see

01:02:56

if you

01:03:02

all right rude what do you think is this

01:03:05

guy creepy

01:03:07

yeah yeah yes he is by the way what a

01:03:10

photo

01:03:11

bob oh my god promo yeah and they said

01:03:13

take another one and you said that one's

01:03:15

the one

01:03:17

that one will do yeah [ __ ] you let me

01:03:18

see that photo i've never seen that

01:03:19

photo before

01:03:20

this one yeah what's going on this is on

01:03:22

a morning news show oh yeah yeah and you

01:03:23

look like you're

01:03:24

like dripping from coke sweat yeah yeah

01:03:28

it's really sad what they're able to put

01:03:29

up on the internet without your approval

01:03:30

i know

01:03:31

you don't have to say yeah you don't get

01:03:32

to say yes to any of this yeah i have so

01:03:33

many bad photos

01:03:34

oh terrible like why is that up there i

01:03:36

don't know look at this one kaleido

01:03:37

looks great

01:03:38

she looked great on that she looks great

01:03:40

that's so funny now see that other asian

01:03:42

guy

01:03:42

his name is bobby lee too and he's

01:03:43

trying to get yeah he's trying to get

01:03:45

into my [ __ ] [ __ ]

01:03:46

no i know yeah god his eyes are so far

01:03:48

apart i know

01:03:49

like like a hammerhead shark

01:03:53

this is not going anywhere this podcast

01:03:54

right i can't i can't i i

01:03:57

have to continue some other time no no

01:03:59

we're going to do a little bit more time

01:04:00

it's terrible i can't do it i i'm just

01:04:02

not

01:04:03

everything i'm saying is not good and

01:04:05

i'm just going yeah yeah

01:04:07

you're fine no it's not it's not good i

01:04:09

feel you it's tough

01:04:11

no you don't i'm not adding an

01:04:13

information for some reason i'm just

01:04:14

kind of like

01:04:17

lost and i don't know what to say i

01:04:18

don't know what every story

01:04:21

i had to cut around because i've already

01:04:23

said it a thousand times it's like

01:04:25

i've done so many podcasts it's like you

01:04:27

just you know i know i know

01:04:28

years it's like you just kind of get to

01:04:30

a point where it's like

01:04:31

what else is there to say i don't know

01:04:34

what else to say i don't just live in

01:04:35

we can live in the conversation at the

01:04:37

moment and let it go where it is i know

01:04:38

but it's like it's like sometimes

01:04:40

it's like i don't know we went into

01:04:43

matching mountain rides

01:04:44

that was ridiculous and it was really

01:04:46

kind of fun

01:04:48

and then like it's drifting in and out

01:04:50

of different things that don't

01:04:52

really make any kind of sense to me of

01:04:55

why

01:04:55

anyone would give a [ __ ] it's amazing to

01:04:58

me that anybody gives a [ __ ] general

01:04:59

and they do you know what i mean

01:05:01

like who gives a [ __ ] they do they like

01:05:03

it

01:05:04

this is your existential moment yeah

01:05:06

you're really having a crisis right now

01:05:08

do you do this on belly

01:05:12

no because um no because there's a guess

01:05:14

he turns around plays video games

01:05:16

that's not it is it's and belly it's

01:05:18

different because it's like we talk

01:05:19

about

01:05:21

belly's different because we talk about

01:05:23

what's going on in the house

01:05:25

also we have a guest you know the guest

01:05:27

and then we also

01:05:28

it's it's also i always tell like

01:05:31

it's just different you know this one

01:05:34

the pressure is

01:05:36

is more there's no pressure on that one

01:05:38

because

01:05:39

this one you know i it's like you're so

01:05:42

good that like you know

01:05:44

i just sometimes i just kind of go

01:05:48

i don't want to i don't know what i'm

01:05:50

doing

01:05:52

you don't want to do it anymore no i

01:05:54

want to do it i just

01:05:56

of course i want to do it no i know yeah

01:05:57

i mean i just don't know what i'm doing

01:05:59

right now

01:06:00

well let's get to another let's get to

01:06:01

another point and then we can we can all

01:06:03

way through his cruise

01:06:03

little break or something smoke a

01:06:05

cigarette and that'll help me

01:06:07

look at me look at me look at me sweet

01:06:10

boy anyone cares

01:06:12

well you're doing good why are you

01:06:13

having this existential weird moment

01:06:15

you don't know what anything means

01:06:17

really let's talk about that

01:06:20

i don't know what anything means i don't

01:06:21

know anything

01:06:23

that's another thing is i realize i

01:06:25

don't know anything

01:06:27

i don't know anything no i really don't

01:06:30

know

01:06:31

i don't know anything about anything i

01:06:34

don't know how anything works i don't

01:06:35

know

01:06:35

what i believe in i don't know you know

01:06:38

how long i have left what am i doing

01:06:41

with the time that i have

01:06:44

you know what is this

01:06:47

this i mean genuinely do you mean this

01:06:50

yeah

01:06:50

i have these moments of just like what

01:06:52

would you rather be doing

01:06:56

even when i'm playing video games i'm

01:06:57

like this isn't it

01:07:01

what do you think you should be doing

01:07:02

filling your phone that's the thing

01:07:03

there's got to be

01:07:04

you're having kind of like a midlife

01:07:05

crisis no i'm not

01:07:08

i think it has to do with like the

01:07:09

pandemic

01:07:11

because it's like i can't leave so it's

01:07:13

like you know i can't leave

01:07:15

and i can't do anything i can't do

01:07:17

anything that i want to do

01:07:19

i can't do stand up i can't do anything

01:07:22

so it's like my days are left of just

01:07:25

watching

01:07:25

old star trek next generation episodes

01:07:28

to

01:07:29

trying to watch other things that you

01:07:32

know i mean that people are saying you

01:07:33

should watch this

01:07:34

this is great on netflix it's trending

01:07:36

number three you know i mean

01:07:38

and you just kind of watch it this

01:07:39

morning when i watched that reality show

01:07:40

was just on i was watching going

01:07:43

this is the day and this is going to end

01:07:46

the same as it did last night and then

01:07:49

it's like and then i realized

01:07:50

like what's the point of it all there's

01:07:52

nothing to do well

01:07:53

and then i'm going to hawaii you know at

01:07:56

the end of the week or when a couple i

01:07:57

don't know when i go you know you know

01:07:58

but it's like

01:08:02

why we'll go what's the point because

01:08:04

there's a job there

01:08:05

yeah i know but um but let's talk i'm

01:08:08

being serious yeah

01:08:10

are you having this crisis moment

01:08:11

because you feel like you're you're not

01:08:12

being fulfilled

01:08:15

it's not just fulfilled it's what's the

01:08:16

point of it all well

01:08:18

let's go over the point there is no

01:08:20

point i hate this business

01:08:22

mm-hmm and i and uh let's get out and

01:08:25

i'm done

01:08:26

i think you're done in a week you're

01:08:29

going to hawaii to film another episode

01:08:30

of magnificent

01:08:31

that's not the business though that is

01:08:33

literally the business yeah but when you

01:08:34

show up there it's like

01:08:36

you realize they even go people watch

01:08:38

this like

01:08:39

it's not a thing like you know when i

01:08:40

did love yeah and should have patel's

01:08:43

around everyone's around

01:08:44

and they take them some seriously that

01:08:46

right there

01:08:47

to me is the business you know i mean so

01:08:50

you prefer when people are taking

01:08:51

themselves

01:08:52

no i want to be a part of that group i

01:08:53

want to be a part of like the cool group

01:08:55

i want to be a part of like

01:08:56

you are in the cool group i'm not i'm in

01:08:58

the like ghetto [ __ ]

01:08:59

here's the problem that i think you're

01:09:00

mistaken yeah most people aren't in this

01:09:03

fake group that you think people are

01:09:04

i want to be in it you're not in it and

01:09:06

you want it because it doesn't exist

01:09:08

it does no because you ask them and

01:09:09

they'll even tell you i don't even know

01:09:10

what you're talking about

01:09:12

yeah those people want to be in it too

01:09:13

and that's why you butt heads with them

01:09:16

butt heads with who you know you're

01:09:19

talking about who

01:09:20

i know tell me who what's what's his

01:09:22

name seth

01:09:24

seth the guy that was in the disaster

01:09:26

honors what's his name

01:09:28

seth rogen yeah how do i butt heads what

01:09:29

are you talking about you got

01:09:31

you gave him [ __ ] about the lines and

01:09:33

the thing and then no

01:09:34

i no i didn't give him [ __ ] about it i

01:09:36

publicly talked [ __ ] about not having

01:09:38

anything but you have to understand that

01:09:40

there was tension between you two you

01:09:41

said

01:09:42

no the the idea was the idea was like

01:09:45

i don't think they cared that i was

01:09:47

bummed that i got taken out

01:09:49

so that made me sad it was a bummer then

01:09:51

you could approach him and then he was

01:09:53

like

01:09:53

weird with you no but no i didn't

01:09:56

approach him about the lines but the

01:09:57

next time i saw him it was kind of weird

01:09:59

yeah are you weird now with him i

01:10:01

haven't seen him yeah

01:10:03

but you think there's weirdness do you

01:10:04

think he likes you i don't think he

01:10:06

cares about me as a i don't think he

01:10:07

gives a [ __ ] that i exist i don't

01:10:09

i think he that's what it is i think he

01:10:10

probably there are people that he

01:10:11

doesn't care

01:10:12

about well of course yeah no but i'm

01:10:14

okay with that

01:10:15

i just think that he goes that kid's

01:10:17

nice kind of funny

01:10:18

it didn't work out with us no i don't

01:10:21

think he cares

01:10:22

but here's my thing i gotta start i

01:10:24

gotta be a part of a group

01:10:25

right that's doing high-level [ __ ] that

01:10:28

everyone wants to be a part

01:10:30

of we we make this show and people

01:10:32

[ __ ] love this show

01:10:33

i know but i'm it's i know i understand

01:10:34

that that's great so you want this to be

01:10:36

highbrow

01:10:37

and [ __ ] no i don't want to harvard

01:10:38

lampoon [ __ ] no no i don't want to say

01:10:40

hi

01:10:40

i know but i want it like we're not

01:10:43

smart enough you and i are not that

01:10:44

smart

01:10:45

that's what i'm saying what are we doing

01:10:47

this is great what did we do we were

01:10:49

dumb

01:10:50

yeah it's great what are we doing here

01:10:51

around we're gonna read something man

01:10:54

we're gonna learn about things we're

01:10:55

speaking for the idiots oh

01:10:57

god that's it that's what i need

01:11:00

we're dumb we're dumb but we've always

01:11:03

said we're dumb

01:11:04

oh and let me tell you something yeah i

01:11:06

don't want to be smart

01:11:08

because this is fun i'm having a great

01:11:11

[ __ ] time

01:11:12

being dumb with you is more fun than

01:11:14

anything i've done and it's

01:11:15

usually great it's usually you're in a

01:11:17

just like you're in a weird head space

01:11:18

it's like

01:11:19

you know there are snooty pit

01:11:23

parts about me yeah but you've been

01:11:25

you've manufactured faster than that no

01:11:26

i'm very snooty when it comes to like

01:11:28

you mean i don't like these kind of

01:11:30

films or these kind of yeah you've

01:11:31

manufactured that

01:11:33

you've made that up and i've always

01:11:34

wanted to be a part of like the cool

01:11:36

group

01:11:37

and it's like even since i was in

01:11:38

[ __ ] high school

01:11:40

i could never get in i can never get in

01:11:43

with the cool kids here's the ir here's

01:11:45

the irony and i want to be in the cool

01:11:46

kids now

01:11:47

name to me the cool kids because they

01:11:49

were the dorks for sure

01:11:51

who you think are the cool kids are

01:11:53

dorks i know

01:11:54

so what are you even talking about you

01:11:57

don't want to be friends with them

01:11:59

whoever you're talking about they don't

01:12:01

exist i know you you make up the idea

01:12:02

that there's this group that you would

01:12:03

join and hang out with but it's not

01:12:07

you know i do these podcasts because

01:12:11

it was the last thing that i could do to

01:12:13

survive

01:12:14

at the beginning oh yeah it was the la

01:12:16

it was like oh it's either this or get a

01:12:18

day job

01:12:19

but now you do the podcast my point is

01:12:21

is that

01:12:22

so it's the podcasting stuff isn't you

01:12:25

know

01:12:26

i loved doing it saved me like in a way

01:12:29

right but it's like

01:12:30

it wasn't you know why i came to l.a why

01:12:33

did you come to la

01:12:35

i thought that i honestly thought that i

01:12:36

would be a movie star

01:12:38

but that's not that's but that's not

01:12:40

that's not a real thought what do you

01:12:41

know but that's one of my go that was my

01:12:43

dream like i want to be a movie star and

01:12:44

i'm going to do

01:12:45

these i'm going to do all this stuff but

01:12:47

you are off working act readjust your

01:12:48

dream then i know i'm gonna have

01:12:50

to but my point is that and so every

01:12:51

once in a while and people think that

01:12:52

i'm complaining or

01:12:54

whining i'm not whining i'm just you

01:12:55

know i'm just it gets to a point where

01:12:57

you're just kind of like

01:12:59

what the [ __ ] am i doing you know and it

01:13:02

has to do with the pandemic too it's

01:13:03

like you know i don't

01:13:05

we're like here's another thing and this

01:13:06

is a part of my thing is you know every

01:13:09

once in a while i like to go buy clothes

01:13:12

i know you know i have this weird

01:13:15

obsession with like

01:13:16

you know i'll go you know i'll go to

01:13:18

self edge and maybe i'll get a new

01:13:20

you know i mean japanese raw denim you

01:13:22

know i mean i'll wear it out this year

01:13:24

i'll just wear it every day right and

01:13:26

get the creases and make it right

01:13:27

right and so i i look at my emails i've

01:13:31

ordered 10 000 things online and they

01:13:32

have none of them come

01:13:33

yeah none of it's coming so i can't even

01:13:35

do that

01:13:36

i'm just saying every morning i wake up

01:13:39

right and i go out to the balcony

01:13:41

because from the balcony i can look down

01:13:43

to see like packages yeah

01:13:44

and there's all these gigantic boxes

01:13:46

filled with like ottomans and chairs

01:13:48

that [ __ ] kolila gets

01:13:50

right or lamp fixtures right right and

01:13:52

i'm just looking for that little tiny

01:13:54

jacket you know or you know i mean or

01:13:56

you know i mean the underwear that i

01:13:57

bought

01:13:58

right you know i mean or the socks or

01:13:59

whatever right and it's that they

01:14:01

and they say it's delivering to track

01:14:03

your but i don't know how to do any of

01:14:05

that

01:14:05

right right so i don't know how to track

01:14:07

it i don't know where it is

01:14:08

i mean i have things i bought a [ __ ]

01:14:11

you know that couch a french

01:14:13

italian couch i have right a part of

01:14:15

that deal

01:14:16

i bought these really cool light things

01:14:19

right they're like light fixtures right

01:14:21

and i remember a year ago when i bought

01:14:22

the [ __ ] italian couch i said um

01:14:25

hey you can throw in one of those fancy

01:14:27

light fixtures

01:14:28

no problem buddy yo how many do you want

01:14:31

i go

01:14:31

four great man there's only four left

01:14:34

anyway

01:14:35

and then you know we got the italian

01:14:36

couch and i go clyde where's the lamp

01:14:38

fixtures

01:14:39

she goes it's somewhere in culver city

01:14:41

and something

01:14:43

and i go i guess i'll never get it you

01:14:45

didn't get it you know what i mean this

01:14:46

sound this sounds so i don't have it's

01:14:48

just you're not getting you're

01:14:49

you're not getting things during the

01:14:51

thing

01:14:53

i can't get anything so it's like

01:14:56

the frustration is obvious and i'm so

01:14:58

sensitive i guess because of this

01:14:59

pandemic because of that i think that's

01:15:00

a part of it i'm just so i can't take

01:15:02

any kind of

01:15:03

criticism criticism but that's okay yeah

01:15:05

because we're going to get through it

01:15:06

and it's going to be fine on the other

01:15:08

hand

01:15:08

like i mean i'm just a jumbled

01:15:11

of nerves you need a release

01:15:14

yeah there's nothing you know and you

01:15:16

know that's so rude to me at the house

01:15:17

you know what i mean

01:15:18

that i can feel yeah they're so rude to

01:15:20

me at the house when you say you're king

01:15:22

and she goes i want you're not my king

01:15:23

right

01:15:24

yeah tell me how you're king you know do

01:15:26

i not say that who's the king

01:15:28

and you won't tell me you're the king

01:15:29

unless i threaten you yeah yeah

01:15:31

who is the king

01:15:35

interesting that's what i'm saying

01:15:36

that's interesting yeah and she's not

01:15:37

the king

01:15:38

can i die but it's not i i i i i i i

01:15:42

i

01:15:45

let me i i i i you you you think that

01:15:48

like when i was

01:15:49

first of all you know i mean i'm usually

01:15:51

you know where i go it's okay

01:15:52

no no no no no no no no no no no no no

01:15:53

no no no no no no no no no no no no no

01:15:53

no no no no no no no no no no no you

01:15:53

know what i got i'm so sorry about my

01:15:55

existential

01:15:56

i'm going through look at me look at me

01:15:57

don't be sorry yeah it's a great it's a

01:15:59

honest moment that you're having

01:16:01

yeah honestly this whole podcast i was

01:16:03

just like the whole time thing is what

01:16:04

am i doing here sometimes your mind gets

01:16:06

in those things why what are we saying

01:16:08

yeah you're you're becoming like a

01:16:10

nihilist you know i no i'm not no i'm

01:16:12

not i'm just

01:16:13

i'm literally going why would anyone

01:16:14

want to listen to this too you think

01:16:17

i don't know yeah yeah but they do and i

01:16:19

appreciate it yeah yeah and i i i'm

01:16:21

appreciative i love

01:16:23

when they call in the guy with gigantism

01:16:25

and the dwarves and all the people that

01:16:27

and the lady and everyone calling in and

01:16:28

going get them in i mean we love you

01:16:30

know i mean keep going and they buy the

01:16:32

merch

01:16:33

but you know and they they tag me in it

01:16:35

and they make little videos of me it's

01:16:37

really sweet and i really

01:16:38

appreciate it and i go but deep down i'm

01:16:40

going why do you like it

01:16:42

you know i mean and i'm glad you do i'm

01:16:44

gonna keep doing it because

01:16:46

you know there's nothing else to do do

01:16:48

you like it i love doing it yeah i like

01:16:50

seeing you and i like doing it

01:16:51

yeah there are times where i'm like oh

01:16:54

that's a funny bit or you know i mean

01:16:56

oh that we really you know i mean yeah

01:16:59

we went this way with it

01:17:00

yeah and that was fun right but today

01:17:02

was not it

01:17:03

no today was just like oh that's not it

01:17:06

i'm glad we had i mean a lot of it was

01:17:08

great

01:17:08

yeah right george short

01:17:11

all right hey thank you for being a bad

01:17:14

friend

01:17:20

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