Fancy B. vs George | Ep 77 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots why dude i'm an asian dude you two

are disgusting well you two or something we're bad friends speaking of money who just got

back from new york wait you didn't you fancy yeah i did yeah

new york the city of dreams but it's like a big peach you fly in

statue of liberty you stay in your hotel room do you get five o'clock in the morning

call time and you go you work 16 hours then you fly get back

kind of flight and fly back back and fly i'm working on impressions you want to

hear one yeah i want to hear no way i guess what it is okay let's hear i'ma close my eyes i'm not gonna look at you

there's no such thing not yet [Laughter]

there's no such thing as political murder political bombings and political

violence there's only criminal murder criminal bombings and criminal violence

gavin newsom current governor of california no no who is this a woman caitlyn jenner

potential governor of california it's political criminal bombings there's this thing

it's a current pr someone no dead oh he's dead oh dude she's dead do it again there's nothing

there's no such thing there's no such thing as political murder political

bombings of political violence oh hillary clinton no that's not hillary clinton dead i

said hillary's alive she's alive yeah yeah she just looks dead yeah she looks dead yeah yeah margaret

thatcher oh is that margaret thatcher yeah that's in a british accent that's how she talks though no she was

british yeah but she talks like that let me hear it one more time what's so funny yeah guys i don't think that's funny at

all that's me you know how i know this huh because i watched four seasons in a week

of the crown the crown people yeah i know i could tell that you watched the crown that's where that goes why because that's where that came from that

well you saw that show yeah i watched the crown yeah i love the crown not only do i love the crown i want to be the crown you want to be in the crown

no i want to be a i want to be a prince oh you don't mean in the show you mean in real life like in real life i want to be a prince

and live in a royal family in the whole thing but i would do my own things can you imagine if a princess kissed the frog and then he turned into you

and how upset you'd be and she'd probably kiss me to get back to the frog

holy [ __ ] she's like no no no no no no no no no no yeah no because i would love to um you could be a pr could he be a prince

oh that face yeah i don't like that face i don't know why i don't think you could be a he couldn't be a prince like right now

yeah right now right now he's got prince hair he definitely has princess prince hair i would like i

would probably be born the last you were the last prince no no like if i if my dad mom was the queen

i would be the last kid so it's like there would be five kids ahead of me so i would never be you'll never be king

yeah so then i would just be like [ __ ] around that's a really good idea by the way that's a great idea for a movie as the

last i would spray paint like little symbols on like vases and stuff around the castle

well like swastikas what kind of city no no i would probably do like a chinese face oh oh oh on the cat oh right right two

line chinese eyes thing and a big smile what dynasty would you be a part of royal england

but yeah but yeah what do you mean but you're not that's what's great about it well because it's like oh something

could be a mystery oh right someone slept around with somebody somebody did something someone from the meeting somebody did something and

and now it's like i'm in all the tabloids because they maybe in the beginning they think asian prince born to the royal family no

he's white but he looks asian no you're they're unmistakably asian no no i look white no i know i look

asian but i'm white sir sir you do not look white no but can i just say this yeah what if like queen elizabeth had me

right and she had me at like 50. they would be like she cheated on an asian guy right right before i was

born right she she's old and she tumbled down the stairs and just rolled on her belly a bunch of

times i just listened right right and then all of a sudden like um a butler came didn't see the queen there

and they tripped on her an asian whoa whoa there's no asian involved in anything that's my point is that you're not here

yeah i'm just telling you why i came out and then like she and then all of a sudden i'm able to get the ball um

i'm about to get bored just let me finish all right you're about to get a morning and then go we gotta do it now let's do it outside they take the queen out they're in

buckingham palace in a courtyard right go to the fountain right no yeah the fountain the baby comes out and

like the sun is so bright you know i go ahead

ah right and it just stuck like this it singes your face yeah like this and then i'm like the one that looks

asian but i'm really a windsor you're really truly a winner i'm truly 100 of windsor

do you buy that why not he's asian yeah you're asian yeah you're so asian

look that's what they could tell the tablets but the truth would be the queen slept around with somebody but we would never reveal the truth how funny would

it be though yeah if they're like we don't really know who we'll never be able to know who and that's all we're saying and then the

press walks away and cut to one of the vendors selling like little british flags and it's just one asian one so little old

asian man that's come funny or i'm like you know how like you go to

different rooms and there's different photos and i'm wandering around and i'm just you know maybe i'm 16.

yeah i see it and my older my older brother my older brother charles is already yeah i mean no better name no charles is

a guy already no but prince charles i'm a part of the windsor family so prince charles is my older brother you're the next generation you're like the new generation

oh you're saying that i'm william's baby correct you're william and kate's baby oh i'm

william and kate's baby yes you got to be the new ninja generation right yeah so william and kate had a baby right it looks asian they blamed it

on the sun and i'm walking around right the castle just moping mad everyone calls me asian but i'm not i'm

a windsor right and i go to this one room there's a bunch of photographs yeah right yeah and i see my mom kate right yeah

beautiful beautiful and she's like in a pool splashing around with ken chung

[Laughter] right and then everything just kind of

right and i'm like the guy from the hangovers baby that's your dad yeah that's your papa

right and now you're on a journey to go find your dad right i don't want it to be ken jong and the movie can be played by ken jong but the

real guy is um all right fine it's a pool party hirohitos right emperor hirohito's grandson

grandson right right great great great grandpa yeah toshi toshi and he's jacked

together toshi yurihito he's jacked out of his mind like right right so then this is what

happens and you have to go on a journey to find tokyo this is what happens there's a scene in the movie yeah where

i go to the bathroom and i take off my shirt and i do a thing what like cause he's

jack right he's so strong so i go and i do a thing and i do this and a

couple becomes 16. a couple little muscles right and i go that's my dad that's your destiny

because i could see a little pet your little ass when you squeeze really hard and then abs come out yeah like right and i'm like this and i'm

like that's my dad just a little fart comes out as the abs are forming why why because that's the

comedy part of you you're gonna you're gonna flex and be like that's my destiny and the scene goes

[Music] right and the muscles go down they go down right as you focus just fart

bubbles fart air in my skin that makes it it's not even it's not even muscle

right right and we cut to you on the airplane going to go see your father yeah but do i is there a scene

where i go to kate no you forget about them she's a princess so

i go to she's the yeah she's not queen yet because it goes charles is going to be king and then he has to die

they're both dead at this point they're totally both dead oh so william is king 100 she's princess she's not a queen yeah

i don't know how that works it works that way i think like queen elizabeth's um husband is prince philip right

okay wait wait wait he just died who gets to be remember that guy yeah and they drove him home yeah yeah

they're going to be laughing 20 years ago he was dead look at this left the hospital feeling

good that's that one the middle photo that the one in the car where is oh we'll go to the far right

yeah they won the car look at this one feeling good feeling dude he's not dead there he's

dead they're dead there he's got to be dead there because his eyes are stitched open they put in stuff to be like hold it

yeah hold it hold it yeah do you think he looks in the mirror like just uh

you know what they gave him they just put smelling salts like we did under his nose just for the picture my god he lived

forever 99 he was 99 99 years old he was there's the there's another one where they try to really doctor him up there do you see

him in the suit with a blue tie i mean oh my god it's like dude zoom in please yeah pick that up yeah you know what

they did they photoshopped his eyes and just put it on the emperor's eyes in star wars

that's what it looks like cgi just use prince philip's eyes apparently if you're a part of a royal

family yeah that has hundreds of years of incestual mating you live long because they're all they

all live a long time yeah how come when there's how come when there's a sexual mating like in the south

it's really sad and some some reason in england it's because i don't

the ones in the south you know me just [ __ ] their brother or their mom or whatever never mind it's always brother i think it's brothers or sisters or it's never

mom i don't think it's ever the mom i don't think the mom has ever probably sometimes no if anything it's the dad yuck i don't

want to talk about yeah it's gross anyway well that's what the royal family so this is what so you came from that's my grandmother that's my great

grandfather great great grandfather right wait that's my great

yeah great great not my grandfather my great grandfather your great grandpa yeah yeah so look at that rudy that's

your great grandpa there's a scene maybe we shoot this in oh this is he's already dead but maybe in the movie

he's come back to life no a ghost oh and he haunts you yeah no he and every time i see him he

wants to say something like encouraging but whenever i see him because he looks like that i i just run yeah you freak out right so

he's got all the advice and you just

but so i go to japan and i find toshi yeah yeah but guess what what what happens toshi

doesn't want anything to do with you so you say well i'll fight you to the death drop what you'll fight him to the death he

goes because he says he's like you're not my son and you're like i am your son yeah

look and you show him the muscle thing right he sees it yeah and then he's like yo no

to my son no he could go back on he could go like this you can go you're not after i go

right yeah he can go you're not my son see and he doesn't do an accent when you're gonna if you're gonna do the job

you're not my son you're not on my side no not on my son yeah see and he does it and what if he did

a fork comes out for him that's the connection i told you dad [ __ ] i told you they're not muscles they're fart

bubbles those are front bubbles on your skin you [ __ ] bastard this feels like a

a short story from like roll doll or something like that out of where the sidewalk ends anyway i love the crown it's good

it's a pretty good show it is a good show didn't like the fourth season the diana stuff uh it's sad because it's depressing as [ __ ] cause

they put up because they had her killed it's nuts dude i've been so i didn't have them come on 100

she was killed she was not killed do you know anything about princess diana yeah i saw the documentary do you think

that they had her killed or do you think it was a total accident i think they have them kidding they had their kids the family no they didn't she

was a commoner they didn't like that for me they didn't like her dude they didn't know you haven't you think that like henry's wife

meghan markle's gonna get killed no it's because it's too late also meghan markle also meghan markle's

not gonna become she's not anything all right because she's the one she's the princess of sussex

that's nothing dude i'm the princess of sussex i don't know i'm the prince of essex

i'm the princess of muppets of muppets and she's a buffoons yeah yeah no see that if they're going to kill anybody

they would've killed kate but they love kate because she comes from she comes from high status see what i'm saying well no they all was

checked off on her and they all encouraged it i know but my point is um uh uh uh charles uh cheated on

what's her name with you know the girl he was with who was he just went camilla yeah with diana so the family

hated her because they were still like going back and forth yeah in the middle of all this [ __ ] yeah that's why they had her killed dude they had her clip

they didn't have a kill did they have her clip rudy you voice your opinion on it she saw the documentary yeah they had the clip they had her

clipper they have underwear they have a clip they have a clip where they have her they had her clip let's roll the clip of the murderer

let me what did you say can i just see what you did the other day just i always have to do um a little

alert she's more she's she's here less and less and less mentally i know but yesterday was the worst what

happened so they they came home from the beach beach malibu uh santa monica

yeah man when they're going up the stairs i go here's my chance so i um pretend i was dead

i go here's my chat so i laid on the ground right why would you do that dead you just laid

down i just laid down like i was dead did you put any blood out or anything no no but i just i made my body like as if

i was like fell in a weird way right down the stairs no just up in the living room well they

wouldn't buy that how would you would you had a heart attack maybe i get it maybe you could so i'm laying there and i can see her she can see me from

the kitchen who can her oh right she's putting stuff away or whatever right

she looks at me she still does her thing then she eventually goes cheeto bobby

like no no are you okay nothing is everything going is everything all

right nothing nothing absolutely nothing wow so let me ask you

something you didn't believe it at all i didn't what did you think he was doing sleeping i saw his eyes open and closed no you're

not good at playing dead bro you're not good at playing dead andrew do it right now do die right now

that's what she saw that didn't look good no that's not what your face does

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's more like it like you're sucking a little penis or something no yeah yeah trembling lip you're dead i'll

go i'll go dead for you ready this is me dead no no no that's motionless you're falling

asleep in a movie theater this is me falling this is me that is me no you're drunk you're drunk

i'm drunk yeah this this is uh this is me dad yup you're dead so anyway she didn't see

my eyes and my point is is that she she doesn't care she did see your eyes didn't you why don't you care if tito

bob um passed away i would care oh wait a minute rudy update did what's

his name hit you back on instagram yeah and what did he say he thought it was me

what he thought it was me saying it yeah oh what bob said yeah yeah wait what did you say again

what did what did we say bring it out again yeah i want to see it was he mad no did you are you guys still

chatting um ningo adi have you been chatting with him what's his name diego diego diego diego you guys aren't

chatting anymore no why not did he blow it i don't know he's just busy

he's busy this girl you're a famous podcast star how is he busier than you bro what does he do i i have a feeling

yeah she's gonna be living at her house for the rest of her life yeah forever i feel like she's going to be just

that girl i'm okay with that what are you getting angry for read what

he says you have every opportunity to meet guys but anyway go ahead reread what reread what y what bobby said that we

that he thought you said okay okay bobby said over a thousand sons oh yeah how long is

it good i like that by the way you looked hella ripped

[Music] you lying yeah you lying and you should

have wrote back no cap i don't say that do you know what no cap means wait let's see if bobby knows oh

did you know lie you didn't know it didn't matter i didn't know but let's move on all right so what else what else what else

no cap dog so what did he say he said you lying and then i said t to bobby and tito andrew said that

and then what and he said i'm honestly kind of surprised it sounds

like something you'd say oh see we formulated that's so good and then what'd you say after that high

five and i said i would never say anything like that haha imagine

reading that i would never i would never say anything like that you know how bad he felt how many has two hours huh

that's so lame it's so long and that was the end of this conversation there's more but is there any

discussions of like coming up to la and hanging out there is he said that if i was in

san diego then we should hang out and if he's in la we should hang out no [ __ ] what a stupid no he should make

the effort give give the guy a break no i don't give a [ __ ] get on the [ __ ] train listen up diego get on the [ __ ]

pacific coastliner okay it's the train that comes up here take your ass on the train get to downtown la get in a [ __ ] uber and

get your ass over to their house you understand me pick her up in the uber go to the movies do people go to the

movies right now they do she went to a movie you do quiet place too take her to the movies go see a movie that's out

drop her back off and get back on the [ __ ] train get the [ __ ] down to oceanside

doordash i'll tell you what bat pal what's up my baby um i'm going to hawaii in a week and i

can't wait because i only use doordash in hawaii but this is funny because people might think we're kidding every time we talk on the

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every place that i go to the fastest one the most used i like the app because i think the app is the easiest to use i don't like

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subject to change terms apply top start up start hey if you're carrying a credit card

balance every month feels like you're in a never-ending cycle of debt it stinks me and bobby have been in debt before oh my god

so much what was the most debt you were ever in 250 dollars are you joking that's insane what did you do i didn't pay

taxes anyway sixteen thousand dollars you dread looking at your credit card statements and i wish i had uh upstart back then

when i had yeah right um you're not alone debt can feel crippling but upstart can help you

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tock girl that got shot in the movie theater in orange county yeah two of them it was a man in a way it was a bu imagine like being in a

quarantine and for a year you finally go to a [ __ ] movie and you get shot you get shot oh it's the worst story

let's move on but also no wait but let me say this what but they were this is why i don't like

this stuff and i'm being genuine they went to see the purge right it was the purge they deserve to get

shot is that what you're saying i mean you said that that movie is all

about killing off people who cares dude no but i'm saying that it gives the impetus to psychopaths to

do something oh really so if i'm watching like you got mail and then there's going to be a bunch of like white karen's in

there i mean probably that's what goes to see you got mail no just a bunch of people watch different two dead and random

shooting at purge movie yeah i was at the pur it was going to see the purge but the purges whole film basis is about clearing out

society watching a lot

whatever movie it is i'm saying usually these happen in violent violence you're right because the one

there was one in batman batman was batman yeah man they're usually violent films you're right unfortunately so don't watch the violent films

i i don't let me tell you something in the movie that shouldn't be the world we live in but disgustingly i would stay at home to

watch these films matt damon was just complaining about how there is no such thing as

kid the next generation is not going to know about movie theaters and it's like yeah no [ __ ] a home entertainment

systems now are so nice why the [ __ ] would i pay 25 for a movie ticket right well i'm not leaving my

house like she saw the quiet place too at the movie theater i just saw it on my [ __ ] paramount plus i watched it on my on my ipad yeah

yeah yeah how much was the tickets now how much are they now uh california is different by the way than other eleven dollars

that's it yeah cause because you're like under 12 or something no she can get away with that she's like

can i just ask you this though this is a real question but it's like it's like there was in the 90s when

television you know was showing a lot of stand-up comedy yeah that's when comedy clubs started dying in the early 90s

do you think though that and now people are starting to come out to live shows because there's a difference between watching a live show

and stand up is a pro live performance but live performances will never go away but you're watching a film is going to

be tough but isn't there something to watching a scary movie with a big crowd not not when there's the fear of getting

shot in the head that's true because stand up live performance will always be good theater will always be good broadway will always be there

live music will i mean did you see lollapalooza did you see uh covid ii look at look at pictures of

lollapalooza in chicago you know like one of the biggest musical festivals they just did the one bro shoulder to shoulder neck to neck look

at the images they just had dude it's no look at this nets

that was recently this just happened no over this past weekend no yes dude it just happened this is rona

dude ronaldo look at that dude right there my god oh my god that is

ventilator city right there yeah yeah yeah no they're back we're back shows are back and stuff i'm saying this

will never die live show live music will never die yeah you'll never take that away but who played at

you know who did um at la la palooza i don't know look up the line up there click on one of the posters right there pete you have 20 21 up

foo fighters post malone tyler the creator miley cyrus the baby marshmallow millennium journey megan the

stallion roddy rich k tradonna okay

biscuit modest mouse jack harlow polo g trippy red suicide boys alice in

wonderland slander steve brittany howard and band of horses jimmy world dermot kennedy young the

giant lav javon angels and airwaves i am dior saint john all time low mount joy mark

ruby mark rubio who's a good friend keep going you're going to do the whole thing i have ocd whitney dominic

touch of me you ass freddy gibbs the front robot the front bottoms did they steal that from us the front bottoms

the front bottoms big wild kim petross yellow claws subtronics oliver heaton's

cash oliver tree omar apollo ash lp arizona surprises zade crowd earth gang rico nazi jamaica jacob banks

white reaper peekaboo olive o'brien overpacked princess nokia okay princess nokia cautiously slay day glow trevor dan you flow me bop beep

bop breath okay but can i just ask you and last on the list jake dooby okay how bad does jake do be

feeling sucks like he gets called you're gonna be in lollapalooza really yeah yeah he looks at the poster and

he's like out of 10 000 names let's see him yeah yeah there he is right there yeah click on him there's

jake dooby yeah jake doobie jj right so then he shows up at lala they don't even give him a trailer

right so he's just kind of standing right next to the bathroom just in an empty porta potty yeah and he's leaning and people are like who's that guy

that's doobie oh is that jake doobie is that you what is he doing here i'm set to go on in 20. no wait look at the real dude if he's

the last on the thing he's at three in the morning well he's in one of the far tents oh yeah

yeah is that where the bathroom is but that's just where jake doobie is doing his show this is so mean poor jake find out he's

a huge fan of ours oh my gosh wait let me find out find out the real jake doobie because that obviously is not him

clearly just take jubi musician yeah music oh i guess that's jake duby right there yeah

i mean it's when you okay i'm disgusting that's really him when you google's an

artist names and there's only three photos of him it can't be good no i do but that i feel

bad but like what is that woman who's that woman down there that's jake dubois

that's his sister yeah that's jacinda dewby here's jake duby that actually his and here's his whoa okay this this makes no sense oh

yeah his one song on spotify has 2 300 plays that's it

2 300. that that's that's and the alive has what daddy why you die has more way more

i know we're gonna have to blank this out but let's hear for a second of it this is jake dubia we'll just play some other music over to the listeners

[Music] we'll play daddy while you die over this

daddy i love you daddy why you die i would run to this

this is the music i run to when i go running oh really so you're oh i thought you were this is what i thought [Music]

shout out to jake doobie i like your music jake tooby this is what i thought you meant i see you in a coffee shop i thought you

meant i'd run to him that you're watching the foo fighters but then you hear that song and you ran to the tent to go see him

jake dube is playing everybody i'm coming jake jubie i see you in a coffee shop yeah he owes

only one song so you show up it's like the last and then and then wait and then it's i see you in the

coffee shop thank you as i get to the top do it again can you do it again do me

one more time

i feel so bad for chick dude i like jake jake download his [ __ ] song you know what let's promo jake dude

go download jake dooby's song i see you in the coffee shop is that the name of the song

no the song is called run into you yeah yeah oh how weird i said i would run to it run into you let me see that a lot of palooza on the

list again if you show it i'm going to read it off no don't do it laundry room zoom in at the down at

jake doobie the aqua dolls i know who they are oh tyler and post malone foo fighter foo

fighter's still killing it dude see how dominatory he is the foo fighters are

still relevant it's been 30 years incredible well nothing yeah maybe 30 years now right incredible wow yeah some of their albums

are just like just classics i mean classics dave girl might be the most talented musician of our

generation that i've been a lot since i was alive who's lasted longer than that it's also funny it's like he's the drummer of

you know who dave grohl is no take it oh don't tell her dave grohl is in the band foo fighters

show a picture of dave grohl but he's a multi-talented musician i want you to guess what band he was in

first because he was in a he was in the most popular i know what nirvana yeah how'd you know how did you know did

you see it he read it you read it she wrote it on the phone because i listened to nirvana and i saw

his face really what song do you like from nirvana lithium oh lithium is a good song yeah hop would

you like smells like teen spirit you do down and out

sing it down and out sing it right now we know the chorus when the lights up

[Applause] [Music]

we do gotta help you with your english accent try it try to try really with it that's how she sounds marvelous

dude she sounds like a british woman that's not there's no such thing as political

murder political violence political violence yeah that's pretty good a little violent

violence yeah try south africa do one first i'll

do it south africa it sounds like this south africa is it significant

[Laughter]

now do hawaii you know hawaiian dude you're there all the time

i always go to jamaica yeah yeah there is no such thing as political violence bro

should we do our chinese portion now we've been learning mandarin we've been learning mandarin we want to apologize have one lesson

i'm doing my best john cena we're apologizing to china right now because they're mad at us do you know this chinese government wrote us a letter to

cease and desist this show why fancy what did they say the chinese government wrote us they didn't want us

to do the show anymore what did they say fans bad friends yeah yeah they say bob is very disrespectful to

her towards the chinese people what what did i say i don't know they have apparently they've got

ching chong stuff that's what they said you said that one time and then i think they got really mad about it i never said chinchon we've got a couple really you know how

many times you've done an asian accent on the show out of respect for you no not respect you go oh you [ __ ] you man i've never

done that yeah you just oh you've done that i've never what are you actually seeing that seems racist

what you're doing that seems racist that's what you do no i do that when i'm impersonating you yeah and then

you had that one guy call me right what guy i can't tell you the guy's name but there was a guy that you

made do an asian accent on the phone he was asian he wasn't yes he was i found out who it was and it was a [ __ ]

hispanic guy it is a hispanic exactly so you do but if you say the letters towards you

but china doesn't care about me because i'm not saying what did the ching chong say

was the email going ching chong ching chong ching or is it in english it was in english in english uh would it could read it to

me that it's broken english so i read it read it fans i don't have it here i have to paraphrase okay paraphrase okay but friends you

guys are gonna be uh prohibited in in china we're not gonna we're not gonna be able to stream in

china we'll be fans here youtube we're gonna have a few a few people there yeah we do we do we definitely get china

streams dude yeah i'm gonna look it up mostly because of bobby lee's uh attitude towards

asians in general that's bad to hear bob is that how you want us to live our

rest of our careers stop stop okay i'm looking right now so here we go here you go top listening countries to bad friends

us canada australia united kingdom sweden new zealand ireland norway

germany netherlands denmark finland puerto rico iceland south africa mexico japan

france austria belgium philippines philippines spain singapore spain singapore

switzerland south korea india saudi arabia italy portugal poland hong kong iran brazil united arab emirates israel malaysia

romania czech republic taiwan thailand guam estonia hungary vietnam indonesia kuwait chile greece russia slovenia latvia

turkey serbia egypt argentina costa rica qatar croatia morocco iraq slovakia ukraine colombia bulgaria lithuania

kenya peru panama jamaica bahrain guatemala dominican republic shawn is not on here yeah because you guys were ben we got

banned because of you so thanks a lot now china can't stream us can i regroup you guys i can save it

well then try to apologize and regroup okay dear china is that what you say i think dear china yeah yeah i think you say

dear china am i chinese i'm not chinese so i can't say chinese people i'm going to say dear asians yeah dear

asians who happen to be in china dear asians who currently live in china yeah which is

okay dear asians who happen to be chinese who live in

china perfect yeah i mean yeah i love you right

i love your sweet and pungent shrimp love sweetened chocolate yeah i love your sweetened punch and

shrimp i love the new york nukes new york style egg worlds

new york style eggos are so good are the best and i know that i know that it's not you chinese people

that created the new york chinese that's american that's american chinese but still you are the foundation in which that new

york came up from it it has to be very influential it's like um the beatles like was influenced by some

jazz i guess or blues and stuff and so he the beatles played played homage to

chinese people are the beatles of egg rolls of egg rolls yeah right so

congratulations thank you so much for challenge fat chewing on fat shout out crouching tiger

so good yeah and uh whatever everything everything that he's done

everything right he's done he's phenomenal thank you so much for jet li love thank you so much for jackie chan

love thank you so much for um the martial arts yep dude it's like without the martial

arts taekwondo yeah it goes like i'll tell you in terms of like self-defense

it goes guns guns are the best best right it goes semi-automatic guns

rockets warheads yeah in terms of that right right and then it goes to like knives schwartz knives swords knives

those types of things right cutlery yeah and then yeah it's third third is

yeah yeah so if you're in a chinese village somewhere my head fell off again i don't

know this is the fifth time you've done it exactly um here's another thing is i'm sorry

there's things i'm sorry about what are you sorry for i'm sorry about the earthquakes well you didn't cause them i know but

there's a lot of people damage from it you know there is oh congratulations on the wall

in fact it's great in fact i want to invite you to make our wall

because you guys made that wall thousands of years ago we can't even we can get holes in there people are

climbing over it why don't you guys make our wall donald trump we'll get the chinese to build it

they built a wall a great wall yeah it was long here's another thing about this dear chinese people

china you want to get milo yeah um thank you so much for the close close

close right technology technology um sign off to china say thank you china

[Laughter] um i love dude here's the thing let's go

back to the asian thing yeah so there's this new generation of kids that are

woke sure right so i've had like people like ali wong come up to me yeah and go it's so crazy the kind of

[ __ ] that you used to audition for yeah the stuff that was available to you and you were able like

to survive in that world like 95 of the things that i was offered is with

um asian accents or some demeaning role sure and i'm getting way better [ __ ] now

of course but um so there was a time in the world where i had to survive in show business

by playing this little game you know of being like talking about where am i raised and

making fun of it and this and that and also like trying to you know fight against it it was a weird kind of

place that i was in right and um so a lot of my humor like i like people like i'm not you guys

like guys like ronnie chang probably don't talk about the race and this and that but i still make fun of it and stuff and

i think is that really china mad or no no of course not they don't even know we exist less than one person why did we do

that just for a gag oh then i don't know forget what i just said then yeah no but

what you're saying is what we've said on the show before look when we make any of those jokes it's just out of love

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your first month free k-e-e-p-s dot com slash bad friends congratulate her or no what did she do

they won their first gold the philippines won their first gold

what was it in weight lifting the girl uh medals believe accused of being part of plot against duarte

duterte what is duterte the president oh that's the president the philippines he's he is they were trying to get

bro bro duterte is one of the worst leaders on planet

earth the killer's own people he makes lists right and he he does it let's get on his list you and i no no i don't want to be

honest because i want to go there i don't you know so what let's get on let's let's fight him you think we can't fight duterte

we'll fight him and win no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no we're not how big is the philippine army really dude it's 17 dudes you don't want to [ __ ]

with duterte why don't you want to [ __ ] with it why not why can't i because he they do

[ __ ] like you know i mean if like torture stuff no but like if like for instance like a social media

girl in the philippines right says something bad about him and then she goes like scuba diving they'll just find her

dead body floating in the ocean oh yeah cool mafia [ __ ] yeah that's cool we do that in america

we're just better at hiding i know we don't hide it but like so she won the first gold for weightlifting for weight

lifting do you know what she lifted i don't know this is the pride of your [ __ ] country and you don't know anything about this

i know her first name what is it hi dylan hi dylan and what's her last name i

forgot good that's good the first gold medal in the history of your country but when she wins you cannot you you

have to shed a tear it's it's she makes she made like joe coyne went crazy nodded joker

went oh i couldn't nudge it all over his belly like he went people went crazy dude is yokoya a hero in the philippines a

lot of people like him when she won and he she came because i think she was outspoken uh outspoking

against duterte right yeah and um good for her because they could get no money like before no before olympians

her training she's training in a field there's no you know i mean there's no facility

you already have the gold forget them gold is gold and it would be good for you to just let bygones be bygones and dwell solely on your victory

that's what the philippine president said ah it's crazy right he's trying to say like shut your mouths back i will kill you

and they're like they gave her like 200 000 you know that and some guy that owns like property

goes i'll give you this apartment that's worth 250 000. so she got a bunch of [ __ ]

yeah i hope so she's the only gold matters the gold medal they should treat her like she's the queen yeah there's they're mostly like murals

there should be they're just making murals about her let's see how much weight she lifted can i find out just look at the video oh sure

overwinning just you know hang on did she jerk it oh she's crying

it's gold for the philippines the unbelievable the philippines

with its first ever olympic gold medal yeah when she gets on to the flips she gets handed like three

chickens that's all she gets [Laughter] get three chickens and a boar sound that impressive

so what why and it's just heavy stuff above your head bro

okay that's just heavy stuff above her head okay have you seen taekwondo i love taekwondo it's the

worst thing i've ever seen what do you mean olympic taekwondo yeah it's the worst thing i've ever seen clearly i'm joking that this is very

impressive yeah yeah thank you we've got great news george kimmel

no longer has more followers on instagram than fancy bee we did what a great we did it you know

we did it bad friends family we did it fancy b officially has 20

000 followers and what does georgia what is george george has 17 000 oh and he'll never

catch up never guys we want to keep this going show the page because you know fancy

beep back rudy has almost 80 000. and i want fancy to catch up let's get to 80

000 with fancy fans we gotta post a little bit more though can i just say something else then uh-huh i think anyone following george

listening right now unfollow george please i want him to go lower

right so that we can get him a little cushion all right so i'm telling you right now and i'm going to say something right now i'm going to

look directly into the camera right because i'm kind of like a shaman in many ways correct right and i'm a good

luck charm correct so to to our listeners we're very grateful for what

you've done big time right we have the best fans in the whole world yep but i also have connections with the

spirit world he definitely and what i want to say to you is this if you right now if you follow george

kimmel if you unfollow him right good things are going to happen for you in this year

you're going to have gifts that you never thought you would receive money some money if you're single something

love some tang so a little bit of tank tank is coming right if you're a woman real good dick

real good dude like the high quality like we would suck it we would we would we

were gonna get that's what you're gonna get you're gonna get um you prosper prosperity health

good health if you have a limp limp's gone limp is gone yeah yeah yeah if you have carpal tunnel you can play

[ __ ] ping pong now you can get back yeah yeah get back in there right so please i'm telling you and if you don't unfollow him

are you going to tell him what's going to happen yeah you're going to have joint aches you'll have joint aches right you have

fever dreams fever dreams night sweats night sweats right and you're not just going to have wet dreams they're not wet dreams it's

good you're going to piss yourself every night yeah and what i've also when i do some of these shaman

prophecies right right and i don't know why but the your eyebrow hairs fall off they all fall out

yeah they just start falling off oh no like ash what happens what happens to their toes you said something

they crinkle they curl up they curl up and crinkle like the wizard of oz yeah like yeah and they look real nasty oh great

they will look real nasty also what happen happens is indigestion problems well so stomach tummy stuff yeah you want stuff

like it's like not crohn's but crohn's it's clone crops it's it's basically gross so please right i

don't want this to happen to you me neither so please and also it's hilarious it is very funny

so please it's hilarious so please unfollow george campbell

here's the goal yeah we've got a we've got how many months left in the year

four what do we got yeah august september october november december five months left yeah five months we've got to get fancy b to

eighty thousand eighty thousand and george stone and george to a thousand

that's our goal fancy needs to be near her and george needs to be near an open mic an open mic yeah yeah or

below yeah so please god please guys please we're begging you we will begin

so i'm gonna do a thing

now it's real wow it's real did you feel that yeah yeah you felt it right you did yeah

yeah i'll do one more toyo oh that made it that was real you found it in

your soul right here right yeah right here your soul went jiggly jiggle jiggly jiggle jiggles your soul

fancy you gotta post more if this is the deal he's putting out all this no you know what my prophecy is this right and my thing is

you don't even have to post fancy i believe the fans are just going to do it okay yeah yeah but i'm just going to do

it but also post more fancy maybe post more course a little bit more yeah yeah 66 posts is not enough it's

fancy b period one so keep rudy where she is or gain a few more but fancy's

gotta get shoot up he's gotta get if rudy's attitude doesn't change oh then you're up next on the chopping

yeah i'll do another prophecy on you man right but she doesn't care okay well

then we'll delete your account completely yeah would you would you delete your account

yeah if you want oh so we'll delete it right now then and you'll be completely fine with it

yeah she doesn't she's so cool for to not care she's too young the life life is so good nothing matters

it's such a great life yeah and we're just older clean cat pee good a lot dude

yeah a raccoon pooped on my front doorstep unless that was you it was me

i clicked a raccoon biggest pile of [ __ ] i've ever seen in my life in your front door stuff front door and

i looked on my cam the camera on the camera nothing it was me it was yeah

because can i tell you something yeah you would play a good racoon no i do ninja shits you do ninja shifts yeah yes you

can't even see me on yeah yeah yeah i flip flip flip [ __ ] flip flip out

in and out you can't see me i cleaned up the biggest pile of [ __ ] today and my dog because i would be

funny you might have saw me it's [ __ ] on your front it was actually you shooting on my front doorstep would it be funny well we'd

have a [ __ ] off you want to do a [ __ ] off we would have one yeah yeah kalila would be upset

i would have to clean it that's right yeah i did a [ __ ] off with ari shafir and it

i it backfired on me didn't he poop in a car he pooped in someone's car right not just the car man so he

he saved up a month worth of [ __ ] put it in the freezer that's [ __ ]

repulsive i know but he did he saved his own poop yeah in a double bag brown paper bag oh

my god so what he did was he probably a month worth of [ __ ]

and then what happened was he put it in the handle of my car so i did this [ __ ] in my fingers right

so i'm like what the [ __ ] i open the car right yeah you poop on your hands right and then he has

one on the windshield on the window just wrong window one little turd right so i go i'll just do the [ __ ] wipers

it was all on the wipers so it wiped [ __ ] all over it moved poop all over all

over the [ __ ] thing right so i went to a 7-eleven down the street

and i went to a homeless guy and i go dude if i get windex and paper towels at 7-eleven will you clean this he goes how much you told him it was poop it was

poop you said it was poop i go 50 bucks nah nah i paid him 200 to clean poop off

your car yeah you didn't want to go to professional car wash it was at two in the morning they have those car washes at the gas

station i don't know how to do that so i just had the guy played a homeless guy yeah yeah 200 bucks yeah and did you say he was he was so bummed

doing he's like [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] all this jew [ __ ] i think he said do [ __ ] not me he knew he knew his jewish

[ __ ] but wait a minute yeah yeah 200 bucks too much no it's pretty good it's a good painting

it feels like a fair trade yeah how much would you would it take for you to clean poop off of a car if i threw poop on bobby's car and you

had to clean off how much does it cost i can do it for free oh that's a

filipino winner that is the filipino yeah no charge no you have to charge yeah

100 100 that's a good rate less than the bum less than a homeless person yeah you you

know what we got to build your self-esteem we really do hey man you don't clean up [ __ ] for any less than five hundred

dollars okay okay yeah is everything okay yeah she it's so funny because she

doesn't like she doesn't realize that she has a lot of people out there bad friends yeah that lover right

to death like if if like you played loser right i played kalusa yeah if rudy would have

walked up in on that on that stage 800 people they would have lost it would would they have lost it dude they

all asked they would have lost it for you and you don't feel anything i do

what do you feel grateful i don't buy it i don't buy you just don't buy it yeah yeah i don't buy it

i am prove it prove it why don't you do this a little message

and this is not comedy you know i mean this is a heartfelt message that you can give to our fans to the bad

friends family right so please the floor is yours look into your

public service announcement from rudy into your camera hello everyone not a good opening yeah

you gotta have something stronger than yellow like what from your heart maybe go european like

different language that's right european yeah why don't you say it in filipino

in uh in uh what's your life what's the language

let's hear it hello see rudy

tiny bubbles

and yeah bye bye

bye bye is there no bye bye in philippines and what's goodbye what's goodbye there is a

word but i just say goodbye i forgot do people do adults say bye-bye to each other in the philippine language

like in that language right do you guys use american words because you just

didn't create like like hot like what words hospital is that no emergency room do you just say

emergency room you'll just say emergency room they don't have a word for emergency i think there is but it's like a deeper

um deep cut [Laughter] yeah you have to really be a fan of the

language what are some american words that everyone has to use because you didn't make one because you guys are lazy

there is it's just a harder word a harder word to say yeah it's your it's your language that

doesn't make sense yeah but in school they taught us english so

like like my dad right growing up he would go you go turn off iroquon aircon

yeah air conditioner right aircon orangey what's orange orange juice oh oh oh yeah

is that what an orange is i don't know i'll give him orange juice i like that a

lot i gotta i wish we said yeah so there's just certain words that he would like you know

he would just shorten up and throw in there like i remember like i went to my friend craig crawford's

house yeah and his stepdad like we were going out one night you and his stepdad were going out no no but craig and i were going out so

stepdad you know how white families they'll sit down with their son and say hey guys so i know you

guys are going to party but like um make sure you have my number don't drink don't drink and drive

um you can always don't do drugs always call me i'm here all night you know what i mean totally bc wear your seatbelt the whole

thing right so i remember one time craig came to my house

and my dad his speech was this don't do

don't do that's it don't do don't do and was craig like oh we won't

do it we won't do we won't do it don't don't do it don't which is so ambiguous because it's like

no anything he doesn't want you to do anything yeah but if i do anything it could be the thing that he didn't want

of course that's why he did it so like what did you do tonight we went to mcdonald's i told you that

right it just slapped me right right whenever slapped craig do you think he ever would have hit one of your friends no well my bro my brother so my dad my

brother steve was with his friend david oliver [Music]

so my dad and my dad my brother had gotten this casio keyboard thing he was a sampler yeah okay so you go

hello hello hello hello hello right so they're just in my brother's room playing this thing

laughing and they were a little too loud my dad was taking a nap so my dad ran into the room shut up

right completely naked [Laughter] he takes the casio keyboard right slams

it on my brother's head no keys are just flying right and then here's the best here's the best

part he's the best part yeah throws it down that's just wires my brother's crying he turns around and david oliver my

brother almost the human they almost got murdered because what they found on my

dad was the funniest thing they had ever seen what my dad had

toilet paper sticking out like a korean fl like like a kite out of his

head out of his ass because my dad always had really moist ass cheeks he would sleep with this toilet paper in

his ass so he turned around and then like my brother was crying but then they tried to cover because they didn't want

to get beat again because it was so funny wait your dad would just put toilet paper in his butt cheeky channel right in his [ __ ]

ass cheeks do you have to do that is that but i do have a leaky thing like he does you do yeah it's hereditary yeah yeah why don't

you sleep at night with a diaper or a pad i don't refuse to do it why if you're gonna get older it's gonna get worse no i have [ __ ] stains

you do yeah do most of your underwear has poop stains yeah right now me undies yeah yeah but i do have a lot

of [ __ ] stains but it's hereditary that's i don't know if that is yeah well you think that i don't finish

[ __ ] or i don't know how to wipe no i don't i don't think you finish i don't think you wipe properly it's not finished dude i do

um hello tushy [Laughter] yeah wait do you use do you use baby

wipes don't don't be insulting okay dude you told me that you have [ __ ] in your door listen you're 50.

i'm telling you right now my 50 year old friend just told me he has poop streaks in his underwear what do you want me to do i'm inquiring i'm telling you right now cha-cho right

it's hereditary it's not google is poop streak is poo is is a leaky anus hereditary yes i do

is a leaky it is hereditary google loves this fecal incontinence you don't have fecal incontinence

i have fecal incontinence no you don't that's your confidence that's the name of your next special fecal incontinence

bobby's album fecal incontinence inability to control bowel movements that's not true you can control all that and leak and it forces the feces to leak

unexpectedly from the rectum you don't have that that's i don't want 100 that's old people dude that's like people in their 70s and 80s i have it

dude you do you think you're frequently encountered 100 i have it really yeah i don't have a good diet too i

think that's what it is no no bad dyes don't just make you poop out of nowhere well if you eat like reese's peanut butter cups love

and acai bowls every day that's all you eat yeah it'll happen what did you eat today i say bowl i swear on my that's all

you've had i swear on my mother's life what do you eat for the day eggs that's all you had today was eggs

rice rice yeah and greens what salad yeah

that's not a bad diet i say ebola in reese's pieces is not you can't dude i have i know and i will i have and i

will okay speaking of which yeah your 50th birthday is coming up yeah we have to do something important i'm going to be a

big party i know but we have to do a bad friend's thing so we all decided without bobby right in

uh and we're gonna pick a winner to come party with bobby for his 50th birthday one of the bad friends fans more than one let's do ten how many

people do you want let's do a 10 how about this yeah let's do a competition 10 fans 10 10 bad friends fans they if

they live in southern southern southern california because yeah you can come up and we'll where you get

your mask and you have to be also vaccinated sure you have to have a vaccination card yeah wait wait they don't have to live

here they have to live close enough where they can get here on there if you want to fly if you will fly here they'll fly here

for bobby's 50th for my 50th and we'll because i'm going to have one party should just invite them to my big

party 100 so i'm going to have a big party where i'm going to have all the comics there and some actors and and a lot of

filipinos can you imagine how this is going to be so big for them what do they have to do to get to your 50th birthday party they know what they have to do

that's all i have to say huh they know what they have to do you're not gonna give them an email or anything

so they how do they submit oh yeah they have to submit that's true you have to find out somehow some way

that they want to come to your favorite birthday party do we want them to send in a video explaining why they deserve to come to the to the party yeah get have a good

example why i want to party with bobby at gmail.com because i want to feel like you're a real fan well we need to know i need

passion right right and i need um because i don't want you to show up and like you

know what's your favorite episode or whatever and like i only seen two i don't want that you don't you want a die hard i

want somebody that's seen every week right you know what i mean also somebody that um will give us like helpful advice in

terms of how we can improve at the show yeah okay and what we need to keep doing okay yeah

yeah just different things but the top thing is positive analysis you gotta explain why you think you deserve to come to

bobby's 50th birthday because that's a monumental dude it's a half a century it's huge that's huge yeah so hopefully the email

will be i want to party with bobby gmail.com if it's not we'll put the real one right here on the

screen they'll find out yeah yeah the real one will be right here right now yeah and we'll let you know what it is

and do you think 10's a lot 10 seems like way too many i said one yeah that's my 10. well how about let

rudy pick i think 10 is fine all right 10's fine yeah but it's going to be here's how about this we'll do four

you can bring a guest ah that makes sense u plus one u plus one that's i like that right because you want to beat google there alone

that that would be right but that'd be five oh yeah so do five five plus one plus one is ten yeah and also just the

person that you bring right just don't bring any crazies don't bring any crazies in fact i wanna know in the video who

you're gonna bring that's fun explain why you're why you're bringing the person right that's really good i need a little bit of a pitch

that's what they're doing yeah yeah yeah he's a christian right he plays batman for this call

whatever it might be you love badminton players i love batman that's a big thing that's gonna be at the party we're gonna have badminton

yeah and then i'm probably gonna do it at a restaurant well we need a room we need like a banquet room for it no i want a

restaurant i'll rent out a restaurant i know we gotta rent the whole thing i will mastros no something like um weird obscure

obscure and weird but good food chili that's a place that we no no man chili's a good place

chili's is great like how about like morton's like one of those the palm just like we

think we get that it's so expensive so what yeah you know what we'll do we'll take it from the rudy fund we'll

take the money from the rudy fund she'll never know ryan how will she know she doesn't even know what's in there right now

yes take money from them what's the date it's august today's august today is not we're august already it's next month

yeah dude that's what i'm saying we're gonna make a reservation now now we need to get on this right now we do have to do it yes 100

and do in invites yeah dude yeah we gotta do but we gotta do a big we have to start now

yeah who do i invite who do i invite who do you invite to your party yeah just name some people uh griffin for sure eric yeah me

for sure um whitney cummings yeah rudy yeah okay rudy right hey

pete yeah those guys come peed yeah i like them pete please submit a

video to i want to party with bobby yeah yeah maybe a video you got it yeah i want pete to make a video yeah about

fans yeah for sure and pd who's pd pink dick yeah yeah okay fine yeah then he can

come all right so outside of that who else some comics probably some actors i'm gonna go highball it too who famous

i'm gonna try for jordan peele he won't be able to he'll never do it yeah i'm gonna try for jamie lee curtis never

she'll never ever come i'm gonna try for um keegan will come no won't won't come will not come sasso

he'll come he'll come yeah you make a big list in my head i'm like what women a lot nikki glazier

all the podcast people like burke rice or tom sagura all those types of people bert won't come i will he's i'm saying

he's on the road those guys are all on the road and segura lives in austin now joe coyle invite would you invite joe

rogan he's not in town but i dare you to invite him i will invite him invite him and see if we'll come for your 50th birthday i

talked to him a couple days ago all right name female comics that you want there a lot of my openers like jake cataprida yeah

um nicole amy schreiber who opened for me annie letterman yeah nicole amy just opened for me this

weekend how great so funny yeah i would go for mark maron bill burr those types of guys yeah they won't come

[Laughter] billboard definitely dude i think i'm gonna come to your [ __ ]

50th birthday party oh magical [ __ ] two years but i went to his to bills yeah yeah but

he's he's more famous than you yeah he's not going to come i'm going to invite him yeah but i know he's going to

throw it right in the trash yeah um imagine he'll get the email and he won't even open the door paulie will come paulie will

have to be there i think he'll work there i think he should he should serve drinks yeah it'll be

you'll know people can i be honest with you we should have a dinner for our family like our clothes the close

people yeah and your party should should be at the comedy store no be in the main room i'm doing a

300-man party at a restaurant okay fine okay anyway thank you

bob i love you submit guys i want to party with boba gmail. what does this come on in a couple weeks

two weeks okay yeah and then so we'll find out who submits those videos uh excited to see them so excited i'm so

excited all right rudy sign us off in in what's the language again

say thank you for being a bad friend and pasaya on the in the camera there salamat for being a bad friend

no no no no no you can't assume

how do you what does salama mean thank you how do you say bad naughty negative no

how do you not know your own language it's so sad it's hard to translate

thank you for being a bad friend let's see if it comes close yeah thank you for being here a bad friend all right see if this is

close rudy all right the machine says [Music]

that's tagalog though all right fine then [ __ ] go to google translate pizza we can get

her the one that she needs google translate all right what is it called

v with a v yeah okay see it there no nothing wow it's not there that's how

much it it's it's a language only one island says right a couple of islands all right what's the closest tagalog go

to that try that one that's fine sorry it's up there first top so we'll just have to do it in tangalo

because you don't even know your own language oh you don't like that no it's fine no no stop pete type this

just type this in right where you're typing tell him how to spell your version we want to do your justice

because philippines won a gold medal this is the least we could do for the philippines yeah but the the one that juan might be

might be um speaking tagalog so it's fine let me ask you something can you just go

back can you go back can you can you go back to the philippines listen guys

we're going to do one language yeah not every island gets it their own [ __ ] language no it's so small anyway

yeah type this in it's like vermont michigan all these states having a different language okay is that close salamat

is good tell us how to say it

great that's great so do that and go go salam

great

[Music]

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