Ask Before You Touch | Ep 157 | Bad Friends

hey what up bad friends I'm still here down under mate I'm in Australia but I'm back soon and Me and Bobby are on tour

come see the bad friends we're doing 30 plus cities we're adding cities we're adding shows I'm so excited to come see

you guys and me and bobito finally will be back together again huh yellow and

orange back together again go to badfriendspod.com badfriendspod.com that's where you can

see all the dates and all the cities that we're going to plus we're adding cities and adding shows so stay tuned and thank you for being a bad friend

[Music]

[Music] we're bad friends yeah I could not dude

him what his glorial stories last night kept me up I was so sick and I could not sleep because I was thinking about this

you know what's so funny what he asked me after the episode he's like was that too much

what do you talk of course of course yeah that's way too much it was perfect for the show yeah yeah we needed to

learn that you were an exploratory guy who is very of

um uh easily manipulated yeah and also naive naive hey hey naive and you trick

yourself you trick yourself into thinking that yeah it might not be a guy behind hole numbers one and two what I

don't plan on going back like in a couple weeks I don't believe that I don't believe that I think that's what we won't go one time

[Laughter]

right now anyway um thank you and I love you and I love you more than I think I've ever left I love you more than anything on the minimum should we just

say something to her right now [ __ ] whoa was that the meat locker joke still

in my heart dude all right all right let me see it Glory boy Glory boy you got my respect last night you did

yeah you're a bottom dweller dude you're the underbelly of the underbelly dude you really are low down to the bottom

what you know that fish that like literally lives at the bottom of the ocean there you are there you are oh my

God that kind of looks like you yeah that's it dude and that's what your parents think of you yeah they do

because I've seen the videos they think about it oh yeah yeah I've seen the videos dude yeah with the whole hotel

thing when he looked when your dad turned around and looked at you dude hey do me a favor you take your hat off and then Spike just a little piece of your

hair in the side just a twisty just twist one of the hairs in the middle together like it's an antenna yeah

exactly dude exactly dude look at that and that's where you're gonna die alone no no I'm gonna find somebody you know

what oh you're gonna find a bottom dweller too down there is there glory holes for girls is that a real thing I

like how you look to me well you're the woman on the show yeah how would that work though it's more like a porn

category I don't I think it's a myth what do you mean how would that work well how does a glory hole for a woman the hole has to be bigger I mean what

are you saying he puts her lip no no oh she's doing oh shits her mouth I'm singing vagina

oh yeah yeah right that yeah right that's cool we'll just walk a virgin you

know that's German they're so funny about that kind of stuff yeah all that stuff came from Germany yeah yeah so tell me Nazis did nothing good

but let me say something if you had done that yeah then we'd be like okay that's fun that's fun I'd be okay with anything

it doesn't exist though that's like a production that's not true that absolutely exists do you think there's not sex clubs and stuff like that well

I'm not I try to go to a sex club a couple weeks ago uh like who brought you there just someone I know okay we know I

we know okay go ahead you tried to go what do you mean they didn't let you in well she asked the owner if I could go

as a whole thing like I'm like a random guy it's like rich people it's straight out of like True Detectives do you have

to send in a headshot I think I would have to send like information about myself like oh I gotta

go I gotta go you think I can go you can definitely go yeah go with you no [Laughter]

no no no no right away yeah because because you're gonna look for holes in the walls yeah you know what I mean and I'm gonna go dude just left that kind of

house not how it goes man and you can look up people look at painting lift the paintings up there's a whole you know imagine he's just going around punching

holes in the walls yeah yeah so no you can't go because it's a beautiful house probably yeah it's like a nice so let me

ask you this okay um if I go how many is it even like if

you're in a sex party is it 50 women 50 men gotta be right I think it really is because well that can't go first thing

why you want why you want better odds you want better I need better odds yeah well because because that means that

leaves me with one I totally agree with you by the way right and I'm gonna strike out with that one and I was like I'm gonna go to the jacket and I'm Gonna

Leave the [ __ ] house right but then some other guy gets two yeah but it's probably Tom Hardy but

what if you get to what if some other guy strikes out I don't know if I'm willing to take the risk I get it also I don't know how to ask here I'm a girl

and ask me at the party hey hey what's up great party tell me about it I come to

these things all the time yeah have you been here before that's my first one oh really yeah oh that's so cute I know the

same person that Carlos now you probably don't know Carlos anyway who's Carla oh it's he's I mean the guy

that's come serving food no oh that man's name is Carl I know no it's not that guy oh okay you wouldn't know the

Carlos because he would be digging putting holes in the walls oh the whole Glory boy oh he come last time the [ __ ] fish yeah he's been here

oh really do you know that guy oh yeah [ __ ] fish yeah he's my friend anyway it works for me

I like him he's yeah he's all right so what's up anyway um so it looks like 49 people are hooked

up with 49 people that count in the room yeah everyone is kind of yeah I guess it's you and me baby hahaha

see that's what that that is the nightmare of night right but what if it goes like this ready ask me again okay

so um 49 well that's 49 people and uh 49 guys with morning girls together yeah I

guess you and I baby I mean it's what I've always wanted what a Korean I've

tasted the entire world I've never had Korean wait wait let's stop right there the entire world yes like who oh I've

had um 13 countries in Africa how many guys per country

or so well yeah condom though what's a condom oh so raw dog yeah o o r

d yeah yeah oh that's the lingo that's what we say because I've never been to this club right yeah so you raw dog

probably thousands of men maybe tens of thousands okay okay okay

um I'm wearing my jacket no you're gone I couldn't do it see what I mean though

yeah what do you mean it could go both ways you could be you're assuming that you're gonna want to [ __ ] someone what

if you find nobody you'd like to [ __ ] that's what I'm saying my because that I mean if it was like this if it was like

Ukraine right now what is this what how is this like Ukraine well

always in the Eastern European country where there's a war yeah there are more women than men that's true yeah that's

because the men are all dead or gone at War I didn't want to say that part I get it yeah I mean I get it hopefully I could just throw Ukraine out there and

you would get what I'm saying I just yeah okay I should next time that's my fault right is it not like is it not

true Spanish yeah no but it will go with it yeah yeah if

you go to any of these countries right there's always more women than men the men are off at War exactly right okay so

I want is there like one in Ukraine you want Ukraine odds well I want to go to Ukraine let's just go to the UK yeah is

it let's do a sex party at Ukraine I'm sure there are a bunch so you had you got denied entry they literally said you

can't come in well I didn't like show up and get turned down at the door you texted this person they said probably

not no they reached out on my behalf and they're like I don't know it's like you

know it's just him it's kind of weird because the person I know gets paid to hook up with other women like on a bench

or on a chair tight like to turn everyone on like as art as art and

that's why I think Bobby actually would have good odds you would have so much fun because people are turning I would have fun because it's like how much

money is this I don't I have the website right well well let's not show it

how much is it how much is it oh you have to there's there's no way there's going to be a [ __ ] like a PayPal page

that there's an application February 11th yeah you have to apply a couple's ticket starts at twelve hundred dollars

single gentlemen must attend with the female companions approved by us so you didn't get approved you were the single

gentleman oh oh so I have to bring somebody yes no because you're it sounds

like can you go no [Laughter]

I mean that's kind of cool and you can put what your Kink is yeah who can I bring

I'd go but I'd do I have to have sex no no you don't you don't I don't think that's part of the thing I think this is

like a sexy party and do you have to be naked I feel like that's about see look you have to upload your full body face

Etsy and with couples if you're with if you're with a partner uh but you let me say something we'll get denied but the photo we submit is going to be hilarious

it's gonna be us just like you guys should submit just for the fun of it yeah I mean we could dress however

we want to that's right it I mean this is basically just a glorified costume party it's all this yeah I would go for

you I'd be so uncomfortable I could dress up as Mozart you could dress up as

um Rachmaninoff on and off right and we'd have the hit the wigs yeah the the the suit what do you call it and I'll be

Beethoven I'll drop you guys off

yes a trumpet oh the trumpet I don't think Beethoven played a ukulele so maybe what else harpscord harpsichord

it's a whole thing it's huge it's huge I'll bring it back I guess we'll just have to trail that button yeah but

anyway um so yeah forget that we're not gonna do that twelve hundred dollars that's a couple but I did think it was going to be more in my mind I thought it

was gonna be something outrageous like 10 grand or something but 1200 a couple so 600 a person but you have to bring

someone else and that also means the other person that you bring has to be down to

well that's just a standard rule of Earth you can't do outside that's outdoor

rules too that's nice at the party before you touch yeah what does that mean let this land on you forever

I've never heard of this so just say it again and let me absorb it look at me yeah ask ask before before prior not

after no no no I always do it after I know and I always get in trouble ask before you to anything I touch I go can

I grab your brass no no okay so yeah you have to let them know right so may I you know that's why

I'd be [ __ ] I'll be applied about it Milady yes may I you mean

as Mozart right yeah you're clitoris

it's hard to say no it's hard to say no to Mozart I gotta tell you I told you I

know it's so hard because you're polite right and I might say yes I might maybe do the accent yeah

Mozart was what he was German right yeah so he I can't do one Sherman he'd say my

name German yeah yeah [ __ ] off a lady

give me the line and then let me try German German sound like this German's like uh well it depends on how high you

want you want to do like that go ahead what

just forget it let's let's move on no no I hate these problems I I always get embarrassed with these [ __ ] nice

acting classes all right go ahead so chairman yeah German say this phrase say

this phrase East good good so use that good that's

good yeah that is good yeah can I that is good yeah that's not what I'm gonna

ask the lady though dude well that is good it's not gonna [ __ ] that's good to just means that is good so you just

say it all the time that's a scoot that that implies can I ask your breath here this is May I touch you my lady is

[Laughter]

now try with an Asian accent see if it does it better

yeah pretty good I think that sounds right can I touch you my lady but you know

what let me ask you this question right yeah if

prostitution was legal and you could have brothels in these cities yeah and

what you what do you think that would do to our society in America um well you wouldn't be here anymore

District well Carlos and I wouldn't be here what do you think you know when I said a

legitimate question this morning yeah I legitimately said are there emotional uh escorts whereas

therapists I'm sorry take a walk

no juice you're right no I'm saying but imagine hiring a girl imagine hiring a beautiful

woman because you're a lonely guy like say you're a lonely [ __ ] fish and you hire a woman

just to like hug no sex not sex stuff but like hug and to talk and to have

like a relationship they have those that exists yeah that exists you can hire a girl or escort specifically for that and

no sex stuff no sex stuff huh yeah cuddle Sanctuary book a professional cuddler see this is my thing I don't

want to cuddle I mean that's what I mean that's this is what this is you wouldn't do this I know I'm interested I'm interested I

was I I was I literally said is this a thing is that a thing I just thought you hire an escort someone goes I just want

like just want to talk to someone but they end up at some point I'm sure having sex I have to try this yeah you

know what's the site cuddlecomfort.com and there's La region yeah okay I gotta do it let's get him

one okay can you pick who it is put it on the biz put it I can't even have anyone bony

some really skinny it's you know I mean Karen Carpenter type of a woman we'll go to nobonycuddlers.com because I think

that's no bony cuddlers anyway but seriously go let's get him someone from

the cuddle sanctuary I'm interested in that just because I said I said I imagine there's many people

who are either asexual or they just aren't interested in having sex with strangers that are like but I do I just

wanna talk to someone like like those sugar babies you know sugar babies and sugar daddies and I watched a documentary on

that and the whole time they were like I didn't even have to hook up with them and then the one other girl was like yeah we do it

like she was trying to pretend like they don't but she was like yeah they end up do something they do some they say

they're like no it's just money for companionship and but like the other girl who admitted it was like almost all

of us of course do that that's not true I'm on seeking no no I'm on a couple of sugar

daddy sides wait are you serious yeah but I don't put my face on it I just like to browse the girls see who's doing

it how how much money you have to pay for their like you pay them a monthly fee well how does that work well and the sides right it's basically like you you

you have to donate money to see some certain photos right so

there's a message board there and these are all girls that are like seeking a sugar daddy right but

I don't know how much it is and I do get to see them in real life is where it's only internet based no you get to see

them real real real life but you have to obviously during the messaging and stuff

you know I mean you have to convince for research for the show what can the show pay for you to have a sugar baby for a month and

just so we can hear what that's like and can you have a sugar daddy I can't yeah but I can't put myself I don't know why

but I don't want to put my face on that side I don't know why what do you have to do to have a you have to have a profile and you have to

put it on I'll show you what it looks like well he can bring it up right there we have a huge computer yeah but let me just well his factual profile my actual

oh you have a profile oh yeah oh yeah so I'm in LA California right and you can go and these are they say the age yeah

and then they show um yeah

oh wow that's my wife

wait that's crazy though so 24 and then she and then they just say what they

want yeah so what they need like what donations they need or yeah yeah and then what do they do for the money

that's a lead that said that's that's that's uh I get no no no that's not true because what Bobby asks for so I've

never done I've never done it they get like an allowance weekly I believe right you pay for the rent it's like yeah I

don't need that though I don't use if I was at a point where I need to do that I don't need to do it see this is what's funny I've clicked on two of these now

and both of them it says they haven't filled out their wants section which means they're open to you saying here's

what I need tell me like look this one says once oh this one fill it out looking for a sweet sugar daddy hello

I'm looking for a real sugar daddy no games please I'm looking for someone to spoil me I'll be support I am looking

for companionship and to be a loyal sugar baby to the right Daddy I'm very fun bubbly and loyally trustworthy body

type fit ethnicity Hispanic 24.

and her name is Diana I I just realize why I have the sign why

when I look at the photos I always yell at them what do you mean get a job

get a job at Subway this is their job that's a sour Daddy

yeah I want to be a sour Daddy I think yeah because doesn't this make you I mean I

mean just let me just say something right yeah with only fans right and I know there's

a lot of women and I support it if you want you know but it's just like there is a part of me that I can't do it

right and it's like as a male I would never I was never able to you know I mean get any kind of money based on the

way I looked that's literally how you make money right yeah I know but it's not no no that is exactly how

we make money right now I understand that but we had to spend 30 years grinding it out so these women are

smarter than us they beat us to the punch they figured it out okay these women literally cut the line they figured out why am I wasting my time

with loser guys when I can just get paid to talk to other loser guys who aren't

broke because there's a new study though steal their money saying look at this Society though yeah the new study is one

of three men under the age of 30 do not have sex okay do you know why was that different

years ago yes okay why because in in our age of social media yeah right and in

our age of um the the internet they um one of three

men right they um they're just obsolete now because they don't have the money right they don't have the money they

don't have the resources they have the resources right and again sounds like these men need to find a job no

zoom in I think look it says right here disenfranchised a growing body of

research has been reported the declines in sex says a research Associated at the IU School

of Public Health in Bloomington led the study uh men do not know how to speak to women anymore because of the phone

yeah and the women don't like losers so yeah even I don't know if that's true

like they did a study on like Tinder right like you know like if you get 50 if you could have 50 men and 15 men

women on Tinder um 48 46 of the women are going for four

men yes on Tinder right and because it's like those are the ones that they want

right people let me say that and the rest of them are being excluded there's other factors that are involved in this right

we as a society because of social media have become way more vain way more self-involved and so when they get on

these [ __ ] apps they're looking for the hot guy and you look at some of these studies they ask young women where they're like what would you want a guy

to make a living you know to make you happy and all of these women say insane

number I know that's what I'm saying they're like I want a half a million dollars a year it's like you don't need men under [ __ ] 30 make a half a

million it's like less than a half of a percent makes that kind of income around the country and they want someone who's

tall and they want some of this so you see all these things the expectations of humans have just gotten insane because

of social media they think they're gonna meet the [ __ ] perfect guy assuming they're the perfect girl it's CR

everyone's crazy everyone needs to know your number know your number what are you

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what do you mean you know your [ __ ] number one through ten yes as physically or just in the whole thing

your number it's all the above everything in all in I'm a nine this is what I'm talking about crazy

[ __ ] doesn't know [ __ ] you know your number what what's your number I'm a seven I've been a seven my

whole life I know exactly oh I'm seven two then sure I I reached you far yeah you went

way too high no but no I could this is a room I wouldn't defend mine this is a room filled with sevens no I I believe

that you were once a seven I've been a seven my whole I've been seven you're really dude other sevens

get Netflix specials 7.5 now do you want me to name do you want me to name other sevens I got

Netflix yeah but they're not sevens they're nines no no dude you no I'm gonna listen the truth is I know you're

trying to be humble about no I'm being serious I know what I love but dude it's like I've even being single and reading

my direct messages and stuff on my Instagram so many girls go um I think you're not my type but I

think Andrew's hot

like I've matched with people on um Tinder and all these dating sites and they say I don't like you I like Theo

can you hook me with Theo or Andrew I thought Theo messaged you no I don't

like I get it all the time and it breaks my heart when I see it I don't like that well it happens well you know what I'm saying I get messages you're a good

looking guy I get messages where people go uh uh love Bobby love the show I hate

you but that's fine that's not fine that hurts that's true you get that oh yeah

you're ruining the podcast I've read a couple of those but I've read a thousand we love you yeah who the [ __ ] says

you're ruining the show you're not ruinous that's why you're on it anyway we decide anybody who thinks that Juicy's ruining the show stop watching

the [ __ ] show how about that no watch but just tune her out I mean come on let's not go crazy yeah

man we need the numbers all right she sucks all right let's move on it's so funny but my watch it but you're a good

looking guy you're a successful person you have money you you have influence you're nine

don't pull the seven with me I'm an 8.5 what's juicy

she was a four what is she now a six because of this show yes so you say she

was a four which I disagree with and you think now she's a six yes I agree because you you gain confidence with it

I think you're a beautiful person juicy and I know we're all the same in terms of like God's love Yeah my number

right I'm saying here in L.A I get that yeah yeah okay what's these two

oh wow that's a hard one what's the [ __ ] fish should fish yeah [ __ ] fish in real life

I'm sorry that this is sticking but it sounds so fun yeah honestly dude I think shiftless you're a seven

I just say it's we have to get [ __ ] fish shirts can we just do your face like

your head your floating head in the bottom of the oceans they say [ __ ] fish I gotta say yes

what is what's fancy but by the way but yeah he's gotten even higher because his status from the show his status in the

community he's having a [ __ ] baby and women I would say he's an eight eight yeah yeah if you would say your name as

a 10. but my point is is that so annoying there's so many men out there that are and I just I don't know who to

blame who I know who to blame who Mark Zuckerberg that's true Facebook [ __ ] ruined

Society I completely think it was the demise of social interactions in society it's made some things wonderful but most

things dog [ __ ] yeah but the internet helped us though so it's like I I struggle with the concept of the

internet yeah because it's detrimental and it's also so so good it's like for me in terms of my business it got me

past the [ __ ] middlemen I agree it did help it did and we could just go directly to the people and the people

decide if we're funny I really appreciate them yeah and that's we have a great relationship with our fans right

because we because we get we don't have somebody that has to tell us the way we're supposed to talk to our fans and

do our version uh YouTube without Facebook that's what I'm saying I I think Facebook is what I'm blaming not

YouTube not not Google I think Facebook in general which was this world I dude I went to Arizona State we were one of the

non-ivy league schools that got Facebook first right so Ivy League schools went first and then non-iv Leaguers were like

Arizona state Florida State like these big universities State schools we got it first and I remember I remember vividly

seeing all these photos of people on campus and being like holy [ __ ] it like opened up this new world of like you

could flirt with anybody on here I can just say hello to a girl that I would never say hi to in public because I don't have the balls but on here I can

be like hey I think you're [ __ ] hot or make make a funny joke and if she likes it then I won and I was like the

power of that yeah is crazy it's crazy because you don't have the ability to go up to a girl face to face and say

something real you can just hide behind the computer forever and you never need to go do the thing if you don't want to

yeah that's where my jealousy came through Myspace right same can I tell you what happened huh what was your

screen Bobby Lee that's it yeah oh so I was friends with Dr Ken John noodles

magoodles or something come on man come on noodles it was a good one I didn't think of it I'm saying come on man

because that's Sprite so good and good noodles magoodles at AOL great that would have been great so this is so

embarrassing the story so I was friends with Dr Ken and you know how you could you put your top 10 friends or 15

friends yeah I remember that your top friends right yeah so for years I was Ken's top friend but then he started

moving up in the world right so one day I looked at this look at Myspace and it was Apatow Will Ferrell I mean this is

the new people he's hanging out right so I was at [ __ ] Cobbs with them and I walk up to him I go and I was my tone

was bad I go hey [ __ ] okay oh you're moving up I'm not in your top friends my

spirits he turns around he pushes me dude and this deeper had to [ __ ] separate us we almost got a fist fight

what yeah over the top friends on the top friends of myself but he did remove you yeah he never put me back on either

[ __ ] him [ __ ] that guy [ __ ] that was stinky that was a stinky thing Stinky Stink he moved yeah yeah that was close

to that was almost that was childish who gives a [ __ ] what do you mean you do care it's your friend I know I did care

you know what yeah I cared so much back then that was a

[ __ ] huge dude did you have Myspace or no yeah that was a big dude 12. what

no I was in junior high yeah I was gonna say probably 16 15 14 15. yeah I was

close into high school I had it too I hate you know what I hated about myspace that I couldn't gain any ground on it

like I felt like I would try to like post stuff and do stuff and it just wasn't gaining so I was like this is a

[ __ ] waste of my emotional time but I remember my experience I got laid you know how tell us

I'm sure I can say her name but um you don't need to okay there's this one girl beautiful right she was Suicide Girl

oh like it's okay she was a Suicide Girl a Suicide Girl yeah what people might not know what you're

talking about suicide girls uh no she tried to kill herself [Laughter]

no but she was suicidal by the way I was setting you up for that joke waiting wait I don't know

thank you but um and then she only followed all at the

time Asian actress wow at the time right she's not Asian

beautiful redheaded white girl one of my people five eleven so me beautiful how

do you know it wasn't me what it wasn't you okay but then we [ __ ] okay

if it was you you and I [ __ ] up okay all right but she and then just through

messaging you could tell that she only likes Asians Asian actors and I was the

last of the famous Asian actors she has been through everybody yeah she's with Jet Li I mean everybody ripped through

it all right and I and then I met her in Vegas and we had sex in my hotel room which hotel it was at the Bellagio I

believe that's a good hotel it's a good hotel what's the worst hotel you've stayed in in Vegas in Vegas yeah uh

well I've stayed in good ones what's the worst one because when I because when I was coming

up and we had to go to Vegas we stayed Circus Circus which is very very sad it's the saddest place on Earth it's so

gross and sad in there and the worst one we had to all split a room we shared a room in the [ __ ] basement of the

Mirage it's so good it smelled like mold and I thought well I'm not gonna sleep in this

room we're gonna die I slept I slept outside I mean I just sat on the sidewalk and took a nap I did not want to go back to moldy basement Mirage

Hotel no I said in the Extended Stay America just two nights ago and it was awful those are tough the guy sent me to

the wrong hotel room at 3am where was this at in Santa Barbara and Santa Barbara yeah and I I went back down

three times and the third time I was like the key's not working he's like maybe you're in the wrong room Jesus and

he did the head thing yeah I was like you told me man if we had done that I would have killed them I would have murdered I murdered them but then he

started freaking out that he was gonna get in trouble because I I told him I was like chill but I said man you sent

me to somebody else's room at 3am that could have been pretty dangerous yeah and he started freaking out he's like I'm gonna get in trouble like I don't

know this sucks and I had to calm him down I was like I'm not gonna rat on you man I just need the key to my room

that's why Hilton fired this guy he just couldn't get it together like go to Extended Stay man we can't we can't people will know now well I didn't yeah

I guess but did you ever play in Vegas I never did the 16 we as used to because

those heras you'd have to do 16 shows in one week yeah Monday through Sunday Monday through Sunday oh my God Mondays

were 16 Monday through Wednesday were the most brutal shows you could possibly do and at the time I had no money

and so you'd have to you they gave you an employee pass and you ate at the with the employees in the

basement in the basement I did that for with laughing right right yeah and you you wait in line with the guy you know

the everybody right the dealer dealers everybody we're janitors and you can smoke in there too and I remember in the

basement right you still can yeah I know right so in the heroes there's a geraldine's ice cream place is that what

I'm saying I think that's right yeah yeah no no girardelli's Ghirardelli Ghirardelli and I remember sitting there

I had a [ __ ] banana split and there was a [ __ ] guy from the south sitting next to me he just we just sprung up a

conversation and I literally asked him where can I get a gun in Vegas

I remember asking that he's like what man he's like when I'm done with mine you can use it yeah I go because I think

I'm gonna kill myself I was literally that's how miserable you're like I think I'm gonna split

that's right here I love it Meat Locker not so much but

and people say you suck you're good so good I'm Vegas when you're sad and broke

is me oh my it's the world toughest place I remember I stayed in the Howard Johnson which was like eight years ago I

forgot all of that little HJ baby yeah the me and my buddy Kenner what do you eat in Vegas what's your

favorite restaurant in Vegas yeah interesting what that's what it's called I kind of don't want to give it away

see how foof he is no no on air on air I'm saying you'll tell me oh I would tell you everything is it in the any of

the casinos nope okay no I'll tell you I'll tell everyone right now I'll blow it up yeah because it's one of the best it's called Lotus of Siam

Google Lotus of Siam and it's an Asian restaurant it is Chinese it is maybe my

favorite Thai food I've ever had in my entire [ __ ] life it's off the strip it was award-winning it's in a [ __ ]

strip mall out out in Vegas go to photos of the inside of it I think Lotus I am

is one of my [ __ ] favorite Thai restaurants I've ever been to in my [ __ ] wow it's so good and they're

award-winning but it looks like this it's old school Vegas it's been there for like 50 years it's in a shitty little strip mall it's super unassuming

you would never know well look they've redone the outside of the whole thing unless that's a second location they're

killing it when they put neon signs like that they're killing is that the second look because that's the original right there is what the original looks like

wow honestly my my buddy brought me that's that is exactly what it looked like right there that was like wow so my

friend my friend says who's uh family member lives in Vegas and says you know what kind of food do you want I said

well you know let's go off for like a steak or Italian or whatever and he's like you want good Thai food and I said I don't know man La has really good Thai

food and he was like trust me though you will I promise you'll love this place it's okay so we get in the car we go to

this spot I sort of got oh I got out of the car I was like this isn't funny this is you're [ __ ] with me this is this

is not even a funny bit especially when you're hungry I was starving yeah I was losing my mind yeah we go inside it was

honestly it was like a Tuesday night it was slammed tons of people waiting I was

like what the [ __ ] you could not tell from the outside then when we get inside he knows someone we get a table right

away can you speak the language that's all that's what I want yeah and

honestly I love what he does that's so racist but it was so look at that's what it was

like I mean it was like wow it was so slammed and the and he said to me he goes how do you like to order food and I

said when I go to places like this give me as much stuff as we can eat like uh I'll take I don't want you know when you

go I don't order one dish [ __ ] that I want to try all the shoes you and I together we've eaten together oh my God

oh my God it's absurd it's up we're crazy we'll take give me the whole half of the menu yeah yeah but he ordered so

much [ __ ] and then you leave and I pay for it but anyway that's right you're rich I'm not yeah you are anyway but I

but it's my favorite place I'm gonna go you have to why don't how come we've never done where could we I'm so sick of

that okay where can we play in Vegas well let's do a show in Vegas and then where

do you mean where I know we could go to Wise Guys and stay at Polly's house oh God

no I mean Nicholas Cage is his neighbor I know he told me that story on my show that Nick Cage was his neighbor and they

hang out all the time yeah I've seen videos of them so it's true no I believe him it's just so funny that Nick Cage

and Paulie Shore I mean it's just like that's exactly what would be like that new Nick Cage movie yeah that's exactly like what his real life did you see that

movie yeah and the uh unbearable unbearable weight or something what what massive talent and Carrot Top the three

of them are in a group chat you know Jason Schwartzman yeah of course from Rushmore yeah he has a brother his older

brother yes yeah so I was talking to Robert and I go um any indicated stories

because you know that's his cousin yeah he's like no he's the coolest guy he said I mean I love him so much if he's

walk down the street right now he would hug me and we would you know what I mean he's legit he's a great guy

well you know do you know about the their family is the Coppola family I didn't know that do you know who you

know France before a couple is yeah and I forgot Nicholas can I just a Coppola but I did hear that before yes but

there's shorts so so so um Coppola the director yeah his sister

is Talia Shire yeah do you know Talia Shire is he was in The Godfather but she was also in Rocky she played Adrian oh

you remember Adrian family tree Adrian right look at me sorry right

don't look away from him yeah look at me her two kids is Jason Schwartzman and

Robert Schwartzman well her brother are Sons right there and Matthew Shire yeah

Talia Coppola Francis Ford Coppola that whole family is living in Carlo Coppola

Roman and Sophia Roman also director yeah Roman the most famous it Italian

[ __ ] Show Business family in the world so what do you think well I mean there's no one there's no one with that kind of extension I mean I would say the

only one that would come close would be like you know I don't know [ __ ] if

Scorsese has extended family but maybe the Olsens take a walk

well they're all sisters I know stop stop stop

let's explore that okay for the fans for the fans all right the Olsens

there's someone on a keyboard right now this is what I'm talking about I mean are they because we're doing

Italian are the Olsen's Italian oh I didn't know we were doing Italian I thought it was well let's find out are the Olsen's Italian

welcome back to Arthur Olson's Italian Ashley Fuller Olsen was born 1986 in Sherman Oaks daughter of Jeanette

Norwegian ancestry yeah it was close French German and Italian

oh [ __ ] okay all right so the Olsen family is one of the oldest like historic uh yeah families in Hollywood

yeah yeah I guess that makes it interesting wow you're bright thank you you're welcome those kids those kids

those adult women now just so funny that they did something so powerful when they were young that they

literally never had to work ever again they didn't they chose to in different ways but they made so much [ __ ] money

as children they never had to do anything ever again that's what cute does cute dude 500 and probably as kids

million dollars no one cuter as white girls Macaulay Culkin cute white boy he's a cutie too cutie patootie cute you

know who else was cute Drew Barrymore Drew Barrymore cute as [ __ ] but you know Short Round was cute too for an agent we

got an Asian in there well data data was cute he was cute and now

he won an award an oscar but not cute anymore he's not cute anymore let me see what he looks like now

what do you mean he's not cute anymore he's won an Oscar right uh Golden Globe yeah Golden Globe I mean I like them

get killed in that movie I think he's kind of cute still room.com so I got my mom a car I bought

uh mama car and guess what I didn't want to have to go out of my way to go jumping around did you go to the Lots no

I couldn't do this dumb right I don't want to go it's it's a waste of time I just don't want to go I want to be where'd you go where'd you go Bud I went

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bad friends or pound law that's pound529 from your cell yeah there's a really

cute wait a minute let the [ __ ] fish explain go ahead yeah I just

don't think he's ugly he's not ugly we didn't say he was ugly who said he was ugly well I thought

not being cute man ugly ah yeah okay imagine

wallpaper just imagine I'm thinking about it yeah all right you're in you're in Asia dude

right you walk into a wallpaper is like little koi fish right and a couple of

dragons right oh I like that and there's some paintings up there too right one of like um

and then you see it the whole I see it you see a hole right yeah right

would you do it if you knew that he was on the other side I think I would just say hi no no it's

no there's no you can't look you can't put your eye in it no no but I wouldn't if I knew he was because you put your

eye on you stick your dick in that's weird but you're not allowed to talk to him yeah you can't talk that's part of the rules yeah I've knit but Bobby keeps

making these situations where I'm like like on my knees at whole level like I'm

the one sucking dick something always that that's true we never even got to that but no no no we haven't got to that

so in these situations you never went the other it went they didn't go the other way yeah never I think never came

out the other way no no you swear to God I swear no I'm hiding stuff he says no he no he doesn't swear to God the way

that he said it sounded really sketchy yeah I swear to God I can't swear to God why why it's God

I'll do ask me to swear to God right now I'll do it right now I swear to God I'll swear to God on anything are you black swear to God no I swear to God yeah easy

money I'll even say just say are you black I'm black swear to God I don't care doesn't matter I will lie I swear

to God it doesn't matter swear to God I swear to God okay good all right all right shaking right now you see how

nervous he is so you wouldn't glory for him you know imagine if you did [ __ ]

him the moment that he came he would go booby trap and then he right yeah what oh

I gotta tell you I I I I I I I gotta say I don't believe that you haven't

suck suck I think you have sock sock Andrew I wouldn't I don't know I've seen

this before I promise I've never suck sucked have you ever gotten [ __ ] in the ass before by a man no I've never

had like butt stuff happening have you jerked off a man before never okay

I swear to God [Laughter] of the Lord wow interesting I just don't

believe I don't believe it is for some reason it just doesn't lay right with you yeah all right get off of this guy well congratulations to congratulations

killing it very much killing it um I'm gonna I want to say this because

this episode is gonna be out and I'm going to be in Australia mate yep and I'm very excited to go but I'm very

nervous and I'm not gonna lie why last night last night my buddy Chris said to me he

goes you've been running really hot and I was like what do you mean and he's like well dude you were like you I was

gone for a month then I came back for four days then I went to Paris then I'm back for literally like what not a full week and I'm gone again and he goes you

haven't had time to like register any of this stuff huh and I was like not re to be honest with you the only time I have was talking to you yeah and I was like I

really haven't thought about it and he goes I bet you so much money the moment you get to Australia in your hotel by yourself you're gonna Cry he's like

you're gonna cry in happiness in like just like in in just like letting the weight sit on me but how does it

honestly and I said to him maybe because I haven't I don't know the last time I cried how are you feeling right now

that's what I'm used to be so happy no no but I'm agreeing with you but he's killing the game no no I'm agreeing I'm so proud he's saying is true I'm I'm

acknowledging I'm not think it's like I can't believe it I'm leaving in for four hours yeah it still hasn't registered in

my body yet like when I came back from New York I was still like okay now it's time I can just like get back to doing

the Pod and seeing you guys and then I have no time I was like oh it just hasn't registered yet and I know I'm

Gonna Be Alone over there a little bit so it's going to register you know what's going to happen is that these guys that you're in the movie with

over there are going to invite you out because you guys are quarantined and you can have it we're gonna get Cena on this

[ __ ] podcast I don't know man I think I think those guys are pretty in their own space I don't I know that's what I thought when I went to [ __ ] Hungary

and that became friends with all of everybody yeah but you're affable in a different way all right anyway let's move on this [ __ ] guy [ __ ] plays

gloves with celebrities he's invited to private parties this is the guy okay sorry this is the guy

in New York you're like I'm having to I'm not gonna say who but like famous guys no I went with you okay all right

so don't play this game right now you were there too I know but I was invited by you that's right all right so let's move on you're

killing it I'm all but I'm just uh no I am happy I'm nervous I'm not gonna lie I'm very very you're you're honestly every movie you've done has bombed no it

doesn't matter you've stolen you've stolen the scenes I agree from from these movies there's something about you

where it's just like people just chuckle once you get on screen well you're the same way you're this exact same guy yeah

the same guy how Hollywood hello Hollywood yeah yeah hello Hollywood hi

that's not Hollywood can you imagine yeah no that actually probably is what Hollywood is some [ __ ] goofball guy

who barely speaks English hi yeah how are you making your decisions Hollywood how do you pick movie stars now

I look and see who I chuckle with see what I mean that's Hollywood I look to

see who I choco with that's why we're [ __ ] yeah that's why this whole system is shattered because guys like this are

running the show yeah I can't get behind it dude you're fired

have you ever [ __ ] up a slate so bad [ __ ] up us late live in front of people you know like live when you're supposed to like

hey Amanda centino six foot one whatever the [ __ ] no I I always make it weird live when you're live even live yeah

what do you do because if you make it weird it makes them I try to get a laugh in the slave yeah you're memorable yeah

yeah yeah so like if they go turn around or your side profile I'll turn

completely around you'll giggle hear them in and shake your ass right right I'll do it like yeah I'll do stuff they

make them laugh yeah right and I always this is a thing this is so stupid this is one of my things though it's just you

have to pretend that you're grateful to be there but you don't need it that is kind of part of the trick do you

understand what I'm saying yeah they want you want them to need you right you're like like this is kind of you

know I mean below me but I'm cool you have to be like hey guys sorry I'm late all right

anyway yeah yeah I've done that I've done that I'm sorry I'm late yeah yeah I'll do

that on the self tape yeah yeah hey Jesse sorry I'm late

um yeah the most embarrassing thing that I did I when I tested for her [ __ ] SNL

you're supposed to say your [ __ ] name when you got on stage and I was so excited and nervous and anxious I didn't

say my name I went right into a character you're supposed to say your name say hello to the table hey go hey

you guys because they're filming it so it's supposed to go hey everybody hey I'm Andrew Santino blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah this was a step back and then start the tape I literally got on stage and I was like

Lauren was there obviously yeah we sat there I think Myers I think so but they

don't you can't really see the whole table right like they put them kind of in the dark on purpose uh and then

um you know uh I think Higgins was there I think there was a you know I mean I think there's a few per you know people that are part of that family that were

just there to like watch it give their opinion but I remember in the middle of the first character

I was panicking sweat beats because it was doing well but I was like I didn't say my [ __ ] name I was panicking the

whole time and I knew and then I thought once it's done I can't go hey Amanda Santino I had to go right into another

character I love it I was losing my mind upstairs I love it yeah I just started [ __ ] rambling on one of my favorite

ones that never made it that I didn't do live that I did on the tape that they liked but I was I did uh

with a lisp yeah

today we're serving uh tahimi uh and I

just had a really heavy list was the sushi chef to the Stars salami sandwiches did it kill

I know on the tape it did great yeah but when we went down the tape lines of like what characters they said I should do

live yeah they said not to do it live wow because and I got it I knew exactly why because it's all up here it's all

like my like you would have to physically see me dressed like a sushi chef and doing something absurd to help

the character along the story where the other ones you could do story without needing the you know what I mean it

would that wasn't it was so much more voice than physical but the other ones are physical but that one I thought was one of my favorite

I just love the idea of making the writers write something I wanted them to write something for me where you

couldn't understand a word that I was saying you couldn't really hear anything they all Blended together you know we

should do a bad friend sketch show that's I would I would still to do a bad friend sketch show and get some of her

friends in it what do you think I would love to be a part of that all right well you're here you're auditioning right now for the bad friend schedule okay go

ahead three three Impressions three characters please when you're ready okay uh

hey what's up I'm Bobby Lee

is it good it's really really good [ __ ] [ __ ] accent you know what the problem

was not Asian you didn't slate oh no no you fired well I was doing and that

was my second impression of you oh wait do an impression do a real

impression of me go ahead sound like me

had a shitty day I golfed with a Millionaires and

now I have to go to Australia I think I'm gonna cry when I get there what's so good movie yeah yeah all right

all right all right so good now do Bobby

pretty good that sounds exactly yeah I know it's [ __ ] good whoa whoa hey are you guys watching The

Last of Us oh it's so good you told me to watch that I just haven't gotten around to it it's really good huh what

do you think of it I like it but not great oh Bobby doesn't like it what I'm into it I know it's slow but it

like I think it'll get cooler yeah I don't know about mushroom zombies show me the pictures

you told me this you caught we talking about because the video game's so good and then I read reviews I I saw for the

first time last night what do you mean it's a video oh it was a video game yeah it's like it's like uh it's like um

Whatchamacallit what's the other thing that just did this yeah they're like mushroom zombies that's a zombie yeah yeah what happened to their heads

they're infected with mushrooms fungi what yeah yeah wait wait so that's what

they're that's what they're fighting but you know how like you know trees and all these things communicate through the fungi correct it's like like the

internet the fun guy right so I guess the internet now has gone into humans and they tell humans what to do so if

you if you step on a fun guy it lets other [ __ ] zombies know they're where they are so they're all communicating

but I just don't get uh zoom in zoom in on that what is that yeah whoa

overgrown fungi yeah that's developed like hairs and stuff

yeah I just I just is that scary it's nasty nasty it's pretty scary it's gross yeah it's pretty scary what do you you

don't like it it's okay you've seen it yeah I've seen only the first episode what kills them

it seems like zombies are hard to kill yeah like explosives look zombies in the

in the modern world you can yeah yeah let's go there what kills a vampire tell me Well vampire is garlic or a steak to

the heart and light and light very good sunlight sunlight right you have UV rays work too correct all right what about

now you werewolf Silver Bullet [ __ ] you're so good very good what kills a

Frankenstein oh you remove the bolts from his neck

very good yep that's holding his body together right

Mommy you gotta step on one end and unravel him

very good like a tetherball you can hit him until the ball actually comes off yeah and then you see what they look

like and you don't like it so you put it back on

um okay so what's another one now zombie zombie you must shoot in the head exactly the brain yeah but see this is

what I mean this thing doesn't look like it has a traditional brain yeah I think one bullet went to the head and he kept

going so I don't know what the [ __ ] happened a bunch of bullets no I don't like that see it is though super fast

these creatures of our of our modern fantasy they need to have the one way to kill them right which is why in signs I

was bummed that it was water spoiler alert you know what don't [ __ ] [ __ ] with me

with signs dude it was water one of the best movies ever made water it's fine water yeah that's why they went Inland

the other two they landed on a planet that's [ __ ] mostly water yeah but with their Planet who knows what it was

95 water no no water kills them I know they were in a planet 95 and they went let's go to Earth that's 40 water or

whatever so they were surviving on a planet of species with all I have no idea it

doesn't make sense I don't know what they come from this is my point it makes no sense they came to a planet that's comprised mostly of water when water is

the thing so we also don't know how many planets are there have like the same kind of like um atmospheres that they

and us we have almost none of them but why would they come here to the water one because we don't know what they come

from but there's so many other ones without water but I don't know are there how many all of them we're one of the

only ones like this this doesn't make sense most of the planets don't have [ __ ] water as abundant as we do and

why would you come here there could be no okay Earth is the only known planet

to have consistent stable bodies of liquid water on its surface how many no no don't laugh at me

how many okay let me ask you something okay how many planets are in our galaxy

no it's it's eight no in our galaxy in our galaxy no that's our solar system in our

galaxy God damn it [ __ ] fish 100 billion right in our galaxy right yeah they say

that 350 million of them could have atmospheres like us but we don't yeah but maybe maybe that's what I'm saying

though it could be but why don't we're not coming here and raise a kid we don't have light speed travel but that alien

from the [ __ ] movie Signs can do that okay but imagine he has Lightspeed travel Sciences have discovered 55 planets that could be Earth-like could

be Earth-like where how far who the [ __ ] knows my point is say you're zooming

through space I'm you and I are an aliens we're us three are in the [ __ ] ship we're going at light speed when I

drive

[Laughter]

can you imagine by the way we get into a car accident in space and yeah yeah Bobby yeah it's infinite

how did you hit something how do I just you know what I mean it's just hard to [ __ ] you know I mean

park with this power steering is tough all right it's a blind spot but say we're zooming through space all of us are on the spaceship

we're zooming along I was that one why is there's three ships are we in one we're together yeah yeah why'd you do

three ships no that stuff's zooming bias oh I said we're in the ship I think those are planets we're assuming okay

okay and then as we're zooming and I go where would you guys like to stop by the way just to remind you water is

the only thing that kills us there are billions and billions of places to stop which one would you like

to stop at well the only planet that we know that can we could live on with the same atmosphere as ours is Earth so

let's [ __ ] go there I bet it has too much water yeah but our planet has 90 water what do you say glorb hey have you

guys checked out this bad Friends Podcast it's awesome and these guys are on earth

that's why they came they came you think they came here for us it was a good movie though it was a good movie it was

I really liked I know but I didn't like the catch I didn't like water oh that's true I didn't like water what would you

like better what kills them yeah I don't know but M Nam shamalam you should have caught up with something else what if it was air

they also couldn't open doors again stupid hey yeah what the [ __ ] they got here in a [ __ ] spaceship they

couldn't open a door yeah a suspension of disbelief man I don't know like you were watching her like oh you

can't get out of the cupboard okay yeah they can't but why no no but they have

fingers because he chopped one of them off yes so I don't get it they don't have claws they had claws yeah so could

the hook not open a door I don't know my dog can't open the door your dog doesn't die from water how

about this Google and I've said this before I'll tell you the worst part of Sines that I had because I've seen the movie A Thousand

Times yeah they poured up the house yes remember they know the aliens are

attacking what are they here first

hahaha [Laughter] the one that you would get first I'd get

my dog before anybody else anyone else yeah yeah I mean dog can't open doors my thing would be uncle Frank's out

there leave him yeah leave him we got [ __ ] his dad goes to save the dog and then he

dies you like that choice yes what what what with Superman and Superman he said it's Superman with uh Christopher Reeves

no Kevin Costner Cosner yeah he's saying his dad goes to save the dog sacrifices himself to try to save the dog

that was a good choice and he's saying that's the choice that you make and I think so 100 yeah 100 100 how about you

absolutely not yeah do you have a dog at home yeah no you don't you don't love

them you have a dog at home do you love them yes no he thought about it you don't love

your dog you piece of [ __ ] you thought it was a piece of [ __ ] what's your dog's name what's your dog's name Riley Riley

does Riley sleep with you no where does this dog sleep yeah where is her bed outside [ __ ] piece of [ __ ]

not bad cage yeah I know yeah yeah it has a Tempur-Pedic bed

this is because your wife did that yeah yeah you would have left noodle outside yeah your wife would have died

saving the dog not you you piece of [ __ ] you know what dude what when it all comes down what the wife and the dog and

the baby now are gonna need someone to take care of them because this guy he's running for the [ __ ] Hills yeah when it gets bad he's out of there I'm gonna

slide in there all right I've always wanted a family yeah I'll have your family dude okay

Uncle Papa Tito yeah dude that I cannot believe you wouldn't say that you'd [ __ ] off the dog yeah how about you Carlos

would you sacrifice your life for adult for a dog yeah yeah because you're not you don't know if you're sacrificing your life here you're trying to say both

of yourself but I the assumption would be I might die and that's okay yeah but it's like I have to it's Instinct gotta

right I have to do it that's what happened when you made fun of me remember when the earthquake thing and my dog and I busted my [ __ ] head do

you remember that and I went to the ER what you don't remember she made fun of me for for like a six months that was foolish no yeah that was foolish I got

up really fast during the earthquake because I heard something break in the front of the house so I ran because the dog was sleeping in the front room oh

and I thought my dude my irrational brain woke up and I was like

not thinking clearly and I heard the big break and I thought what if the dog got hurt or something

happened or it's trapped because one of our old lamps fell uh on the old ceiling fan that we used to have shattered and

she was stuck in that [ __ ] room so it gives me it gave me panic oh wow so I ran out there and when I ran out there

the blood rushed to my head because I was so like intense about trying to go get her I sat down that's what he used

to make fun of me I didn't know the dog part that was why I freaked out I'm sorry I sat down and I blacked out my

blood rush blacked me out and I smacked my [ __ ] face on the on the sink counter you know what's [ __ ] you know

what the doctor said she was like you are unbelievably lucky she's like you should have played the lottery you were

a centimeter away from that corner hitting your [ __ ] eye and losing an eye because I hit right here dude it hit

the corner of my eye oh imagine that she's like you could have lost an eye imagine that and I would have done that

for the dog fancy yeah I would have lost my eye for my dog and I would have been okay with

it because you know what I was worried that she was going to be hurt people play a pirate for that for in the movies are you [ __ ] with me pal play a good

pirate Bud check this out

anyway um shiver me timbers blow down my doors wait why do we even talk about signs

because we're talking about [ __ ] aliens and zombies and stuff all right right right right right you know this

show you know the show there's the aliens and zombies all the time I love aliens and zombies man I'm gonna miss you guys more than I think I sh I I

should have fun on your trip man but I do hope that we can have some call-ins

uh when you guys do another taping I can call in maybe maybe yeah maybe I got

some good guests lined up dude they're already lined up oh yeah no you know that's not true

you're well aware that that's not true thank you for being a bad friend

how am I [ __ ] that was the task no you bring it out of me that's so annoying that's the test no here's the

test how about shut up you [ __ ] see what I mean you ready to go no we're putting that in

yeah that's the beginning you're sticking that in because people have to see yeah they should yeah what that is

and that's called being an alpha male yeah that's being a bully yeah yeah

that's being I'm in the locker right putting me in the locker no you too fat to put in the locker that's the second

one write that down dude that's a second attack ah yes that's a thorough a meat locker

that's where you'd fit that's how the whites do it huh yeah they gang up yeah we gang up yeah [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] [ __ ]

say it juice [Music]

oh [Music]