The Island Bullies Are Back | Ep 280 | Bad Friends

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Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two

are disgusting. You two are something. We're bad friends. I mean, I don't want to use um World War

II references. Please. But above my refrigerator, on the top of my refrigerator, you know what I call it? Ashawitz.

Dude, why? There's 93 I'm not kidding you. I have 93 traps. The hotels.

Yeah, the little mouse trap. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, "Oh, you mean the ant trap? Ant traps. The ant traps. I have 90 94 93 of them

in there. Right. And how many how many ants have you caught? 6 million. No, about eight. No, I've caught thousands of them.

And what? 6 million is a funny joke. Oh, god damn it, dude. Godamn. Godamn. I missed I missed the

joke. I missed the joke, dude. That joke was so good. 6 million. Yeah. Yeah. How many ants you

got? Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know what? here. If we redid the joke, you would I would have said, "God damn, that was good."

I would have said, "How many ants did you catch? 6 million." And you would have And you would have said, "That's what they say." That's I know. I I know. I know. But I

didn't even It's all good. Get it. I'm so sorry. That's how good you are. No, I'm not good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So, no. Well, I I

was being literal about it. I got you. I know. You know what I mean? So, probably thousands. Is there food up there?

Well, I apparently what happens in the summer is it gets so hot they have to come inside. They have to come inside. I know. I got spiders all over my house.

Spiders the same way. And the dog catches the spiders. And this is the funniest part. She's sick. She's sick. She plays with

them. She doesn't kill them right away. She pushes them in the corner with her nose and keeps them in there

like a maniac. And then I'll come over be like, "What are you doing? What are you doing?" And then she's like, and she'll look and the spider will be

like, "I don't know where to go." Yeah. Yeah. She pushes it up against the wall and she waits for me to get there, then she

kills it. Yeah. It's kind of tight. I like that a lot. The hunter mentality, dude. You know what I like to do? What?

When I'm taking a bath, sometimes I'll see a spider. Mhm. I go and I talk. I go, "You want to go swimming in the bed?"

Right. But they can't swim. No, they can't. When you're taking a bath, do you ever see bugs? Oh, what do you mean? Yeah.

Yeah. That's where they they love cuz there's a the pipes, the water, all that. They love all that stuff. Yeah. I used to think putting a spider down

the drain or down the like in the toilet kills it. I've seen spiders come right back up. I'm not even kidding. I've seen a spider

come right back up. You know what I did once? And this is when I was bored and I think my Xbox is broken, right? But check this out, dude.

Wait, what do you mean it's broken? It was this is when this the very first Xbox broke when I had like 15 20 years

ago. What's it called? The red ring of death. Is that what it's called? Yeah, it was the red ring of death. Do you remember? Right. I remember that. So I had nothing to do during the day.

You know what I mean? And so I stared at a you know a scout ant.

A scout ant. Yeah. I don't know what that is. So what sometimes I think that's I mean I'm not a Oh, they send him in early. Huh.

Right. So there's a guy they send you. It's like our Carlos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And go go see. Go check it out.

Go check it out. Yeah. So whenever sometimes you'll see like an ant by itself, you know what I mean? You go

just by himself. It's crazy. Imagine, dude, imagine being and then seeing someone, you know what I mean? A human,

this gigantic mountain thing, right? So I saw ant grab a cracker,

like a fullsize cracker. No, it was like a chunk of a cracker. But you know what I mean? He's like, I'm going to bring this to the village.

So from the kitchen, I tracked him. I let him carry it for a long time. That's nice of you. Right. All the way

to the living room, which probably took about 2 hours. Right. I scooped him back up and I made him start over.

I made him start over. He you know Yeah. What the [ __ ] dude?

That's the ant. And I And I let him do it again. Yeah. You got you got to teach him a

lesson. Got to teach him a lesson. You can't just crush them. People's attitudes bugs wide but uh harming or

killing bugs uh important to find strong disapproval of such actions find them cruel and unethical even concerning

psychological tendencies in children undeveloped empathy and psychopathic behavior.

What do you think? What you're trying to tell me is this. When Dmer was a kid,

that was in the movie, right? Hit a bag of bones, right? If I hit a bag of ants, it would be the

same sign. Pretty close. I don't think so. Well, it's near. I don't If I had a jar of dead ants, I

don't think it's the same as bone. Wait a minute, dude. You have a whole jar of ants. Yeah, that's crazy. That's even crazier.

How many are in the jar? Six million. 6 million.

I have I have an ashawitz of ants in a jar. So, what you're saying to me right

now is if you had a son Yeah. I'm your secret. You are my in the backyard. Go,

Hey, buddy. What were we doing out back? Nothing. Nothing. It seems like you have stuff in your hands, in your pockets. What is

that? Nothing. No. Show me your hands, bud. I want to see. Oh my god. Is that

That's right. That's a bunch of dead grasshoppers. Yeah. What are you doing? What you Why do you

have so many? What are you doing? I like to pluck the wings. You pluck the wings off the grasshoppers? Yeah. And then they're still alive when

I poke the wings. Oh my god. And you know what they do? What? They get hurt them so good. And you like

this feel good. I get daddy daddy. I get hard when I do that. Well, I'm glad I'm divorcing your mom.

Anyway, I pluck the wing, right? And then what I do is I take a stick. Yeah. A little teeny stick. I got I die.

You poke out their eyes. I poke eye out, right? You know what I do? Then they go swirly. Oh my god.

Cuz they don't know what going on. So they go in a circle like Hello adoption agency. You would do that.

We want to give them back. Yeah. What would you do this? Because you're my adopted son. Obviously. Obviously in this scenario. Yes.

Yeah. Okay. What about this? When they adopt a kid from Russia, does this happen?

Mhm. And you know, you know, Russian kids. Crazy. I don't know. Maybe.

Got to be knife work. Knife work. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They know how to They know how to do the

They do. Yeah. What is that? What is that called? Yeah, I like that. This the blade.

What? The butterfly knife. They can do that. That's Dude, watch this. Dude, Google a kid with a butterfly knife. I guarantee you

he's a Russian kid who knows how to do it. Yeah, 100%. If you adopt If you adopt a Russian kid

who can butterfly knife, right? Or the daddy, you want to play a game? And then you know that that right

like remember ali aliens. Was it aliens? Aliens. And they let the you know the robot. Look at this. There's a little Russian

girl right now, right? Obviously playing with a butterfly knife. Yeah. And her dad is like very good girl. Very

good girl. Yeah. You have to learn. Yeah. So if you had a Russian kid,

he was doing some shady [ __ ] Oh yeah. He's 3 years old, adopted him from Russia. Yeah. Like you wake up one night, right? And

he's just standing over you with a [ __ ] butterfly knife and for some reason a spatula, right? Good morning, buddy. You know

what I mean? Or you know what? Would you would you what would it take for you to go go back to Russia?

It would make a good fight scene for sure out of me and the kid. I mean, I'd have to fight him. He's obviously instigating a fight.

Then butterfly knife and the spatula. He's either going to cook me something or we're going to fight. Yeah, I made spaghetti with daddy.

Okay. Do you want pasta that? No, you're you're going back, dude.

Really? We're putting you back on the boat. Yeah, I think I I don't know how. Well, that would really traumatize the kid.

He He traumatized me. I I know. I don't need that. But can't you change him? No, dude. That's what they say. And then

Dmer's dad was like, "We can't believe he was boiling." Oh, that's right. But they acted like they didn't know it

was coming the whole time. Right. That's what you do. You you cannot change that. Back on the boat. It's there's there's a lot of signs, you

know what I mean? And I get it. Like if you're emo, emo is different than emo's different than psychotic

for sure. But what I'm saying is one of the signs probably cuz I've never had children, right? But if your son doesn't have any friend

like, okay, so I'm your son. I have no friends, dog. Well, let's get you some friends, buddy. I don't want friends. I want to stay in

the room forever, dog. Okay. What are you doing in the room, though? What? Why are you a little I'm plucking [ __ ] caterpillar wings,

Dad? And poking her eyes out, bro. All right. Well, all right. What do you mean? All right, Dad. Comedy

guy. Oh, man. Yeah. Oh, man. What? You know what I mean? What kind of Dude, you know what?

Ron Howard had a better career than you, Dad. Yeah, he did. Yeah. In terms of redheads, he's the top redhead.

Well, I I agree. Yeah. You know what, Dad? [ __ ] you. You know what, Dad? I have red hair, too, because of the genetic code. I can't

even get any [ __ ] Dad. Cuz you're [ __ ] [ __ ] Well, that's your fault. No, it's your fault, too, Dad, because you gave me the red hair, you freak.

I'll kill you. That's what I'm That lasted five seconds. That's what I'm trying to get to. Yeah.

Well, look at the behavioral traits of kids who are might be psychotic. People who have cruelty to animals, fascination

with fire. Oo, that one me for sure. That's a good one. Persistent bedwedding. That's bedwedding. That's That's me. I still do that.

Antisocial behavior. That's what's an antisocial behavior. You don't want to go talk to people. You don't want to be around people. No, that's not us.

Okay, that's not us. Manipulative or deceitful behavior. That's us. Yeah, that's me. You manipulate. You're the king manipulator.

Lack of empathy. I have empathy. Empathy and remorse. We have that. All right. Aggression and violence. Me. Spades. Not me.

Fascination with violence and death. That's more you than me. Well, I like ballerina last night. I saw that. That was pretty violent.

Was it? What? It was violent. You don't know what ballerina is? What is ballerina? Well, let me explain it to you.

John Wick. Oh, it's John Wick. So, what they're trying to do is try to, you know, expand the franchise.

Oh god, I couldn't even get to the last one. It flopped. It was so bad. It was You know what? There was some

disconnection in the I I don't think it was directed well, but the last one wasn't good either. I tried to watch it. It was so bad. Oh, so

they're having this girl. Who is that girl? That's She plays the ballerina. This movie didn't do well. She's huge.

She's great in it, too. She's so You can You know, here's what's sad about Ballerina. Okay, I'm not a [ __ ] film critic,

but we are kind of Yeah, we are kind of, but when you're watching her, you know, she's trying so

hard to be evil. I mean, look at She's doing all the John Wick [ __ ] Yeah.

You know what I mean? Getting thrown over cabinets, you know what I mean? I mean, doing So, she's doing her own stunts there.

And she's doing it. And you're And you w you're you're you're you're saying, "I wish this was a better movie for you

because you are doing such hard work. She's busting ass. Busting your [ __ ] ass. 106 million worldwide. I I got to be

honest with you. I bet you the budget wasn't that high." Oh my god. It It had to be a $100 million movie. No way. Was it that visually stunning?

It had to be the stunts and all that because the John Wick tradition how much was 80 million to 90 million. Yeah. It had to have been

okay because look at the John Wick franchise as a whole. They started that whole thing with such low budget. Nothing. It was like 10 20 million or

something. Oh, I'm telling you that's By the way, I watched the worst documentary of all

time last night. Let me guess what it is. What a waste of time. Can I guess the topic? Go ahead. Trending on Netflix. Oh, I I I know what it is.

What? What do I get if I guess it? Give anything you want. What do you want? Poop cruise. That was poof.

Is that really 100%. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't get through past the 15 15inut stuff. It sucked. Yeah. Yeah.

By the way, they made a 5-second story. They made it a [ __ ] hour movie. It stinks. It stinks.

And they should have told it from different perspectives. They got like the most the least entertaining people to talk about it. Get some weirdos. Get

some weirdos that were on the boat. I want the guy They have people being like, "It was out of control and there's poop coming out of the drains." No, I

want the guy who's like, "I'm the one that made the tents and I was collecting poop." I want that guy in the documentary. Where's the weirdo?

But was he in on the boat? You tell me there's not one of those guys on a [ __ ] Carnival Cruise Line.

Okay. Anybody that goes on these things, first of all, is a maniac. You know, there's lifers. They go on these things. There's

people that stay on cruises. They just go cruise to cruise. When you ever I see a Tik Tok with Carnival Cruise and I look at the pool

party, seems like a nightmare. Number one, I'll tell you what, it looks insane at sea. Too many people.

Way too many people, right? Music's not my thing. That kind of music because it's constant everywhere you go. It's

Give me the loot. Give me the loot. I don't know what they're playing. I do love that. I don't know what they're playing. It's something like Biggie or something. Give

me the loot. I love Give me the loot. The song. No, they're playing. Yeah, but I'm on a boat. I don't want to hear it. Give me the loot. Give me the

loot. You know, I don't want to hear it. Right. Because it's like I'm I'm not I've never done that.

You don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. I've never You know, give me the loot. I've never done that. No. If it was Portisad, you'd be into it. Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Or you know what?

Um Mazy Star. Fine. Mazy Star is great or whatever, right? Well, that's a suicidal song on a boat.

Wouldn't be good. I know, but still I could cut with myself with my emo friends. You know what I mean? So, it's the music. Too

many people. Give me another reason why you wouldn't go on that cruise. Well, I buffets, you know, give me the creeps. I have I'm germaphobic. I think

buffet to me is night nightmare. Everyone's in the [ __ ] [ __ ] that. No, thank you.

Also, also there is something to be said about unlimited booze and booze available all in a trap environment.

Yeah. Hallelujah, dude. Give me something. Can I go back to the buffet? Sure. Never trust a buffet without a glass

paneling. Oh, bro. Bro, if there's no glass paneling, forget it. And guess what? Who's the

[ __ ] that has to clean that [ __ ] thing? Oh, gross. Oh, god. You know what I mean? It's people's breath.

It's breath and snot and hands and fingers. Yeah, it's gross. All right, here's another thing. I don't think that um I'd

be able to sleep well in on a boat because you'd have to pay extra to get a Can you get a window room?

I think they're all window rooms, right? There's no inland room. I would imagine. Why would there be? How

could there be? They all have to be on the outside of the boat. I would need a window. Uh-huh. Stop. Is the shower water even without like is

the shower water good? It's filtered clean water. You can't It's non-potable. So, you can't drink it, but you can

shower with it. Why is that? I want to shower in in water that I can drink.

I totally agree. I totally agree. Don't you like I can't put it in my body, but I could put it outside my

body. And by the way, this it gets in my body when it Yeah, it's on my Yeah, I want Fiji water for shower

water. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, it show it contain bacteras, viruses, chemicals. So, yeah, you're it's No, no,

you can't drink it. But also, uh I don't trust that they're not recycling water. How do you know? How do I know?

Yeah, you don't know. And you would never know. You never know. Even the [ __ ] water filter I have at my house. Sometimes I

don't know. Oh, I think it's [ __ ] We have We have filtered water at the house, too, and I'm like, "This didn't do anything." This has high-tech technology. Fine

filters. You use idium and idium. You know what I mean? And all these [ __ ] things I don't even understand. And by the way, idium and

how well do they work? Yeah. Idiom and

um but so here's another thing. I activities. So you're not doing any of those?

Well, let's throw them out. I I've never been on a cruise, but I assume pool activities is one. Pool all day.

Okay. Number two, is there a movie theater? There is a huge movie theater and a huge performance theater where comedians and

musicians and people go to perform. But what are they playing in the movie theater? You know what they're playing?

What? What? What are they playing? What are they playing? What are they playing? Am I asking you? I've never been on a

cruise. I've never [ __ ] been I've never been on a cruise. So, what do you think? Okay, you I'm on a boat. Honey. Hi.

Let's go into the movie theater. What's playing? Hi. Welcome to movie theater. We have three films available. Which one would

you like to see? You're saying to me? Yes. Oh, we have three films there. Which one would you like to see?

Let me just read it. Medadia. [Laughter] Medadia showing in 10 minutes.

Yeah. In 10 minutes. Yeah. What is media? Uh, it's a beautiful uh It's a beautiful heartfelt story, a family story.

Yeah. About a woman and her and her extended family. Yeah. No, thank you. Um, that's pretty much Is it a comedy?

It's a comedy. Yeah. Who is Medadia? Who plays Medadia? Uh Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry. Yes.

Yeah. I know. What's another movie that you have here? Oh, we have Soul Plane. Soul Play. What is that?

Uh it's it's Snoop Dog and some friends are on a and Cat Williams they're on a plane to Can I ask you another question? Sure. Is

Tyler Perry Is that what you said? Tyler Perry. Yeah. Yeah. Is he black? He is. Okay. I didn't know.

Is that okay? Completely fine. I would hope so. Big Denzel fan. We don't have any Denzel movies.

What's the third movie? I think you can see what the third movie is. Oh, Amastad.

Amastad. Is that about a boat? It is about a boat. Oh, good. Do you have Titanic? Cuz I like White Boat.

No, no, no. Okay. We found that that tested negative with the people on a cruise. With the people on cruise. Okay. So,

there's movies. What else is there? Is there darts? Like, what else happens? Shuffle board. Uh uh uh there's also

water slides, they said. And then people really get off on the casino. It's a [ __ ] floating casino. Oh, it's a

casino. Yeah, it's another way for people to lose their mortgage. Can you smoke inside the casino, do you think? You better believe it.

Okay, good. It's a boat. You can do whatever the [ __ ] you want. Maritime law, baby. You can have as much fun as possible.

Look, there's a punchliner comedy club. There's an IMAX theater. You can play Deal or No Deal Live.

Wow. Drive-in movies. Oh, dive in movies. Yeah. Karaoke nightmare. Piano bar. Live

music. A nightclub. Yeah. Uh a sports bar. And then fancy. What does that say? Go ahead. That's in your

stuff. Blond the blank. Blanc deblanc. It's a dazzling performance reg. So, what is this? Is that Carnival's

website? Yeah, it's their activity. Okay. So, I want to ask you this. God, no thanks, man. Sometimes, you know, I'll run into a

comic I haven't seen in a very long time. This just happened to you. No, just general. Sometimes you just run into a guy like, "Oh, so and so. Yeah, I

saw a guy. I haven't seen you in 20 years or whatever." I literally just saw Do you know who Tun Shetty is? Love Terrone. Yeah, I just ran into him, man. I

haven't seen him in a long, long time. And then they go, "Yeah, I've been doing the cruises that that thing."

Oh, when they tell you they have Oh, right. Yeah. Well, they they've been doing they've been gone because that's how they make

it. Which is a great a cruise doing stand up on a cruise. Yeah. Would you do it?

I mean, cuz I I've never been offered it. Let me tell you something. Let me just say something. When this show's over and we aren't

on this show anymore, Yeah. we might have to cruise. I'm I I have nothing against it.

We might be cruising. They might be Bad Friends at Sea. We We could do that like because Chelsea

Lynn does it. I think the Workaholic Boys are doing it. They are doing a cruise. Bert Bert's done it. A cruise.

Yeah, they all do cruises. No, what I'm saying is just you as a standup getting hired.

I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. What am I doing? You're saying that my career is headed in the path that I will be a cruiser.

You're a movie star. And that's that's insane. Please, dude. I'm I'm not even a TV star. You got something coming. I I can feel

it. Okay. Yeah, I made some calls. But my point is that All right. But what I'm saying is

is that I could it No, I don't know if I could do it. I I don't know if I have the material for it. I

don't know if I have That's really what it is. Yeah. It would kill my soul

to eat [ __ ] on a boat and then not be able to leave. Bomb when you bomb.

Am I bomb? And then I have to go to 41C, my bunk. I have to eat [ __ ] and then walk past

people to my I've lived that life. It hurts when you [ __ ] eat [ __ ] at a bad room and then you're like I'll be in the

back sitting at a table eating chicken wings. Yeah. Until I have to go until my ride takes me back to the hotel

like that. I mean I bomb and then I'm up there in the top bunk. Oh my god. And your opener's in there too. Yeah. We have to chat it out.

Yeah. And he's like I killed. You're like I know. I saw you. I used to play Hera's in Vegas and used

to do 16 shows in a week. That's [ __ ] Monday through Sunday. Ridiculous. So, one time I had a really really like

it was eight. So, people that don't know, what happens is when you don't have a name and you're doing a club like

Heroes in Vegas, they don't care who it is. No, they're just giving out free tickets. Yeah. Free tickets. People show up. They

don't know who the [ __ ] you are. Which is why we're so grateful for the fans. God, come see us. So, we don't have to go back to Paris

and do 19 shows. Yeah. So, I had one particular was like seven people in a 200 seat room. I

bombed so hard. You cannot kill with seven people. I went to the Geraldinas. Is that what it's called? The ice cream place.

Geralis. Galdi. Geraldi. No, no, no. Uh, Girardelli. Girardelli. Girardelli. Yeah. Thank you. Well, the [ __ ]

foreigner got it. Yeah. Girardelli ice cream place. I got a Sunday after the show. That's kind of a nice reward,

right? But the two people that went to the se of the seven, right? And the guy

goes to me, yo, nice try.

That's so funny. It's not you were funny. It's not, you know, you're pretty good. N like he

acknowledged my attempt. A guy shook my hand one time. I think I was in

God, I want to say I I want to say not Portland, but I was in the Northwest

somewhere and I don't remember where I was cuz I was all guess broken on the road. Tacoma.

Yeah, it could have been Tacoma. It was up in the Northwest somewhere, but I was broken on the road and a guy said, and I had such a [ __ ] midass [ __ ] set.

And he shook my hand and smiled very nice cuz I was saying hi to people on the way out. You I used to do that a lot, you know, cuz you just wanted to

say, "Thanks for coming." Sure. And the guy goes, "Keep swinging. Keep swinging."

And by the way, it's not even that mean. It's just perfect. It's perfect. It's like saying, "Uh, h you'll hit the

you'll come on. You're doing you're all right. You'll be, you know, don't worry about keep keep swinging." Which means that you

struck out. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see it now that you struck out. He's saying batter out. Get back in the batter.

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Bad friends. Keep swinging is keep swinging is a really good one. Shout out to that guy that stayed with me for 12 years.

Yeah. Um, pretty funny is hurts, too. You were pretty funny. You're Yeah, pretty funny. I don't like

it's mean when they go when they say it like a surprise when they go, you were pretty funny. Like it blew their mind.

Oh, I think that's worse. They saw you. Yeah, you were actually funny. That's [ __ ] He knows that's so

mean. Or or Yeah. You really want to get under a comedian's skin. Yeah. Fans, go up to the headliner,

shake his or her hand, and go, "Oh, you're dude, funny, funny stuff. I loved the guy before you."

That will [ __ ] them up in a way. It's irreparable damage. But say it real. Go,

"God, I love that guy right before you." Say his name again. Say their name again. Make the headliner tell you the

other. That'll That kills a headliner so much. I'll tell you, it's the meanest thing. Same thing. If you see the opener with

the headlers standing next to each other. Yes, I know. This is great. You go to the opener and go, you should headline.

No. God, it's so funny. You should have been You should have been the headliner, right?

That will destroy every ounce of [ __ ] joy inside your heart. It hurts so [ __ ] bad.

It's happened to all of us, dude. We've been We've been on both sides of the fence. Both sides of the fence. That's like why I told you that that

story where I loved the National. I followed them from the beginning. I saw them in small shows. Then we saw them

open the Hollywood Bowl form and my wife hates so much we left after the

national. We paid form's tickets to watch the opening act. Your wife hates. That's very annoying to

me. Loads. That's the most annoying thing I've ever heard. Let me tell you something. Yeah. I never cared. I never I always thought

whatever. RM's fine. They're they're not a favorite of mine. I don't listen to them. Oh my god. But now because of her hate,

I've also found out why she hates them. Can I guess? Yeah. Let me think.

Too white. Like in a generic college. So collegey white whiny guy,

right? It's whiny white guy. She hates whiny white guy. Ah, look at this [ __ ] band. That's Look

at Look at their [ __ ] faces. Mike Mills. Mike Mills is the one the glasses. He is the whitest of the

whites, right? That's whiter than me. Yeah, but Peter Buck, the guy at the far left, right? What do you think of I like

white dudes like that. Yeah, but but he doesn't belong. Which one of these things doesn't belong? Peter Buck. He does not belong. Okay, that's the guy that left. What do

you think of Michael Stipe? I think he's a brilliant songwriter. He is. I like his voice, too. I just don't care.

Okay, that's insane. I I think the songwriting automatic for people. There's just so many great albums that they've done that

it's like it just when when when you I heard your wife just now doesn't like RM. It really kind of shocked me.

Here's why. It's one of the greatest bands of all time. I think I disagree. Do you know this? They'll never go up there as the greatest one of the greatest bands. They are they are

he's a brilliant songwriter. Are you out of your [ __ ] mind? They No one names as one of the greatest bands and you'll never listen to their

albums again once you're done with them. Are you out of your [ __ ] I listen to it all the time now. No, you don't. Fables of the reconstruction. I know the

albums. Let me say something. Give me your Spotify and prove to me that you listen to him recently. Okay. Liar.

I mean, how do you I don't have I can Apple Music I can do. What are you, my dad? Yeah. Right. Even download it. Let's If

you Cuz when you download a song, that means you really like it. Sure. Is it downloaded? So, let's see. This is downloaded,

right? Yeah. Click on it. I'm going to go to artist. I don't think I have it, but I hope. Oh, look. Downloaded.

That's just on That's That's the library. No, that's not downloaded. Look at the top. Give it to me.

Yeah. Yeah. And you know when it's downloaded, press the RM, it has that little white dot

means it's downloaded under my phone. Automatic for the people. All you have is one song. Night swimming. One song.

Okay. One song. Yeah. And on go now. Now go to my non uh and you have one song on the other

album. One dot. There it is. Driver 8. Oh no. Don't get two songs. He loves that.

Downloaded. Downloaded. Now let's go back to now. Oh, let's No, let's go back to just library

now. Lord, please. Please, let me improve upon in the way that you hate uh

Give me the loot. Give me the loot. I love I love Picky. What are you talking about? No, you don't want him on a boat.

I don't think he killed Tupac. He didn't. Or his people. Did he did? No. So, so the irony of

going to an opening act for the record was so we could see the national because we love them. And I had to leave form.

And I don't hate. I think Michael's one of the best songwriters. I just don't

[ __ ] care. Okay. I mean, it's it's like

a man on the moon. Man, what's the song about?

If you believe If you believe out there to see the song is about who?

Kaufman. Andy Kaufman. I know, dude. Unbelievable. Yeah, it's incredible. First time I've ever heard of even before I even knew who Lenny Bruce is, I

learned it from. All right. All you want me to do you want me to drop the act? I like a a lot.

Do you really? Yeah, I do. Dude, did you leave? Yeah, we left. Why? Wait, wait. Why did you leave?

Cuz she didn't want to hear it. And you know how funny it was? I I literally go, "What if we stay for like two songs?" Yeah. Yeah. I really Yeah, I wanted to stay. Of

course, I wanted to [ __ ] stay. Yeah, I knew it would. Dude, as soon as you told me that irked you, I was like, "Well, I'm gonna dig as deep as I can."

That was so good. Because it was really getting me going because here's the thing. I don't even know if I went to a

show of a band that I really loved and if my significant other said, "Let's leave."

I don't know if I could. I think that would be a dealbreaker for me. It would hurt. Yeah. Well, here was the here was the deal. We went for the

national truly I want to see the national. So, that's really cuz I'd never seen them in that big of a venue. So, we wanted to see that. And then,

talk about a beautiful full circle. They played the Hollywood Bowl the next year solo headlining.

And then I thought we should go see the opening band of that and leave before the national. Okay. Who was opening a band of that?

No, it was it was a um it wasn't a [ __ ] nobody. It was like a band where you're like, "Oh, they could sell a lot of tickets."

Yeah. Sometimes you need two bands to sell. Sometimes you need two bands to sell a lot of You'll be a big Yeah. Yeah. Of course. I

have no shame. I get that. What do you mean? You and I [ __ ] love it together. Sometimes we're the killer combination. Yeah. Good combination.

That's why we're doing London and Dublin together. Yeah. And yeah, we can announce it. Saudi Arabia. We're doing Saudi Arabia. We're doing

the Riad Comedy Festival. Yeah. But to me, that would be like like the girl that I'm seeing now. She's

like, "Let's watch Hamilton." I didn't know anything about it. The play? Yeah.

It's a Wait, the movie is a play. I She goes, "If Cuz I guess they're going to do Okay, I feel so bad

about this, dude. What?" [ __ ] So she goes she goes, "Well, in New York

the the original cast is going to do like one show, right?" And to be impressive, I go, "I could

maybe try to get tickets for that." Can you imagine how expensive that is? Guess what? What? I can't.

That's what I found out. I have no power. I call people, they're like, "Get the [ __ ] out of here, dude." I go, "Oh,

that's an impossible ticket." That's like for Bradley Cooper and whoever hot. That's what I'm saying. I thought that

maybe I could get a back row thing. Brother, I know brother. I don't know. No about Hamilton.

Cuz here's what happens. They put in that show is going to be the coolest, hottest New York celebrities in the in

the in the orchestra. Then in the top balcony, the that will be uh people who

used to be super famous but are still cool and relevant. Cory Felman. What the [ __ ]

I'm gonna throw some names. You see if they get a kid to come or not. In the balcony. Yeah, in the balcony. I'll tell Say a name. I'll tell you if they're in orchestra balcony or upper

deck. This is a good or back upper deck. Charlie's there on uh orchestra. Is that's good. Orchestra. Oh, yeah. The floor. They're

on the floor. Okay. Charlie. All right. Um Pauly Shore pulling tickets out front.

Scalping tickets. You scalping tickets out front. No, he's a ticket ripper. He's He's a ticket. Oh, he's ticket four,

brother. Okay. Okay. We love you, Paul. We love you. Yeah, we I know. Let's keep going. We wouldn't get in the [ __ ] building

is the point. Okay. Um, what's that guy? Okay. What's that guy? Obviously not in there.

If you have to say, "What's that guy?" He's not inside. Harry Styles. Orchestra. Orchestra. By the way, second row.

Okay. They want him in the shot of the reverse camera shot of of Hamilton with Harry

right there. That, you know, the picture that they want. Okay. Let's go. Um, let's go to uh um

Sally Fields. I got to be honest with you. Balcony one. She's in the first balcony.

Wow. Here's what they pitch her. She goes, "Oh, I'd like to be down in the orchestra." And they go, "Sally, it's kind of hard to see from down there. You

might because of your age, but I'm 49." No, no, no. I'm saying, "Yeah, that's why you need to be elevated to see down to the stage."

Oh, you you're as a talent guy that works for Hamilton. Yeah, that's really Oh, yeah. So, I'm calling.

Yeah, we'd be afraid. We'd be afraid that you couldn't see the stage from overview. So, we'd want you elevated to look down. There's two balconies. You're

in the You're in the prime. You're in the middle one. You're in the best one. Um, so can David Schmer. David Schmer?

Yeah, Schwimmer. Yes, we do have a seat for David. Where is he sitting? He's in the second balcony. Oh, second balcony. I think he's

orchestra. You do? Yeah, I think he's orchestra. He's actually in the second balcony and he's in the middle row. He's in the dead

center. So, really David Swimmer would get that. Dad center though. Yeah. Gets to see right down.

Um, am I wrong? That's Yeah, I'm second. Um, I have um Who else do you have on your team on

your uh in your roster there? Agent, what's your name again? agent. Uh Don Donovan Alejandro Crisp.

Is that a new agent? Are you Donovan Alejand? Just call me Crisp. Oh, Crispy. Dr. Chris. Oh, I know Mr. Crisp.

I'm a doctor. Oh, Dr. Crisp. Yeah. Yeah. But I also do publicist on the side. Publicity on the side. Damn. What happened to your [ __ ] What

happened in the doctor? What do you mean what happened? Were you What kind of doctor were you? Um I was a orthopedic surgeon.

Someone's heard me talk about it recently. Yeah. All right. So, let me hear. Who else do you have on your client list? Uh Molly Ringwald.

Oo. She'll be upstairs next to David. Two seats away. Molly will center center. Two seats away. Perfect.

Beautiful. Okay, now let's go. Um, Dr. Ken Jang, you know. Let me see if we have any more

tickets actually cuz I think we might. You don't think Ken would get balcony? That's insane. That hurts.

You're not Ken. I know. But honestly, you don't think that Ken could get balcony? Yeah, he'd get balcony. He'd get first

B. He I didn't want to say it to upset you. He'd get middle balcony for sure. I already tried. They said no. Well, yeah. They said, quote, "Get the

[ __ ] out of here." No. Shut up. They did. Shut up. Get the [ __ ] out of here. All right. You'd get middle balcony.

I won't. I already tried. I called, you know what I mean? My peeps and they go, "It's not No. Get the [ __ ] out of here."

Really? Yeah. So, I go, "Okay, I think you could get top row. I believe it." Yeah. You You one show? I don't think

so, dude. You could get up there. I think you could. No way. Yeah. [ __ ] you guys. Yeah. No way. Right. I I I I'm

What do you mean it's like 600 Andre Agassi? Oh, he's in there 100%. It's a legend. A literal legend in his game.

Oh, [ __ ] Carla Malone. Carla Malone. Yeah. Carla Carla Malone. Are you saying Carl Malone?

Carla Malone. The basketball 15-year-old. He got pregnant. One of them. Yeah. Carl Malone. Carl Malone would not be available for

that. They would not. They'd go sir. Wow. Living legend though. No. You know what? We could go if they did Lion King. Do you ever see

Lion King? I went. It's I think the only third play

I ever went to, but I had a a girlfriend named Christine and she goes, "Let's go watch." So at Pantages,

you went to go see The Lion King. I bought tickets, right? It was pretty fun. Yeah. I haven't seen it. Yeah. There's like a giraffe with a guy

in a costume. You know what I mean? And you're like, "Oh, look." Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty You didn't pay attention to it, did you?

Well, I did I never seen The Lion King in any form, so it was so riveting to me cuz I didn't know the story. Shut the [ __ ] up. You never saw The Lion

King. I have never seen Little Mermaid, Lion King, any of those Disney old things.

Mulan. I don't know. I I Princes of Persia. Any of that

stuff. The only thing I saw was Nema. Nemo. Nemo. I saw Nemo. I saw the one that has like

schizophrenia. The um Dora. I forget things. You Finding Dory.

Yeah, that one. Yeah. Where am I? That one. I've never seen Aladdin.

No, I don't even know. So, when I was watching The Lion King, I go too old. I didn't even know it was about

Africa. It's not. No, I thought I I don't know anything about it. All I know it just says it's

not. No, it's not in Africa. It's in Bakersfield. Oh, I didn't know. Right. So, I know

that the a lion's in it, but I don't know any other kind of information. What else do you know about the lion?

He's Mumba. Mustafa Mustafa. Mustava. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mufasa.

Mustafa. Mufasa. Mufasa. I know that there's a thing where he goes, "Look," and there's like a little boy like the little one cub.

Yeah, over the ridge. Yeah, I don't think that was in the live play. Um, what's what's Um, so let's Okay, I

don't know what the Lion King is. No Aladdin. No Lion King. No little mermaid. Okay, Little Mermaid. Let me see.

You know, shut up. You're [ __ ] with me. I swear onto my mother's life.

I don't know what the little I know that it's a mermaid. I know she's little just based on the just based on the, you

know, the title. Yeah. I know that there's a purple creature, the the the returned the the

fat purple thing. Purple fat. Yeah. And she's goo whatever she does. Right. Bubbly bubbly bubbly. You're

Yes. Bubbly bubbly. You're in you're in a clam trap. That's exactly right. Right. Right. I know that there are

clams, you know, going right under the sea. Right.

Oh, yeah. I know that kind of stuff. So, you know it. No, because you've been in a mall and

you go, "What the [ __ ] is this bullshit?" And they go, "It's from the, you know, Little Mermaid." Then you go, "Oh." And you retain that uh

information, but I don't know anything about that. I don't know about um Aladdin. Nothing about Aladdin.

A carpet ride, dog. I know the who song. I can show you the world. Oh, I get it.

I know the like start a tune. I can maybe finish it. Go ahead. Okay. Here is Here is the jungle jungle.

Here is Here is the jungle. You will be the man of the jungle.

You know that song? No, it's not a real song. I know.

I know that didn't retain that didn't hit. I'm being real. Try to hit. All right. Aladdin. Yeah, but I don't know. Um, so I don't

know about that. I don't know about that. Um, but you think Okay. If I have to start, what do you think I should start with?

That's interesting. What should he start with if he's starting with one of those old school Disney movies? I would say either

Peter Pan. I know Peter Pan. Ask me anything about Peter Pan. I'll tell you Peter Pan. No, he's seen Peter Pan. I would say no.

That's songs of Disney dog. We're talking Disney film. Classic Disney film. Uh I would say honestly I think The Lion

King is one of the best. Aladdin and Lion King, Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid are the three like

bangers. Beauty and the Beast is the only film that was nominated for an Oscar. The only animated film ever.

What is Beauty and the Beast? Yeah. Was it best best for best picture? Can I I don't think I I'll pass on

Beauty and the Beast. Oh, [ __ ] You're wrong. She's the hottest because I I I I believe that you kind

It's inherently you already know the story bases based on It's your story, Bobby.

Okay. Like, explain to me why it would be my story, Andreas. I'd like to be educated. Money makes you more handsome.

Damn, dude. These guys are Damn, dude. What is going on up there in that [ __ ] window? Yeah. It's like you're cursed to be alone

forever. Holy [ __ ] dude.

Is that's not the message. Beauty is inside. Yeah, we had the break. That's the nice version. The beauty is

on the inside. But to get the princess to your castle, sometimes you got to kidnap her.

Oh no, the scary laugh. He's about to lose it. It's a bad laugh. It's good.

No, no, I'm not. I'm not saying that about you. They are.

It's good. No, I didn't say it about you. Stop it. Stop it, dude. That's unbelievably good.

Stop it. Yeah, I go. He's going to lose his body. Yeah. True classic. Oh my god. You know, when

whenever you look wear true classic, Andrew, you look so like you think it my body. Very Marlon Brando

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That's true.com/badfriends. Talk. You know, today at 4, I went to

therapy. You did go to therapy right before we recorded. Every Thursday I do. And I I tell you something, it's it's because of my

anxiety, right? I need to work through what makes me anxious, right? Because of the trauma that I experienced as a kid.

I had to work on these different moments as a kid doing EMDR and all that stuff. I honestly believe that therapy is

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today, go to talkspace.com/badfriends. Enter the promo code space 80. The girls are back. Damn, dude.

Look at all tan. [ __ ] tan. Wow. Rat turds. That's what they look like. Stop it. I'm kidding.

How long were you guys in Hawaii? A month. Wow. Look at you guys. God, you guys are I know. Look how tan they are.

And we went to the beach today, too. Yeah, they did. Do you've never worn sunscreen? No, we don't need to. We don't burn

like you. Okay. Don't take Go talk to into the mic. Uh E. Isa,

hello. I cannot believe how tan you got. You're so tan. You got so tan. Yeah. Yeah,

we didn't burn once though. Yeah, because you guys don't don't say nobody burned. There's Filipinos that burn.

Probably like the lighter Filipinos, but we're not light. Oh, you guys. You've never gotten a sunburn? No. You've never

Not on that trip. But you have gotten a sunburn when I was a kid. Now, did you eat the chocolate cake?

Mhm. Yeah. What's the chocolate cake? So what happened was I was on Gold Belly about a

month ago and there was an advertisement for a like a double triple chocolate cake.

Sounds good, right? It comes They're in Hawaii and I'm on Ompic. So that cake is not

getting eaten. So I put in the freezer. Mhm. Thought it out a couple nights ago.

Right. And I've been begging them to eat it cuz you want them to be satisfied. Not dead. But I I don't want it to go to

waste. Yeah. Cuz you can't have it, right? I've been eating. I had it for breakfast. Okay. I had a slice. I had made your mom make

me a slice for breakfast. Chocolate cake. Make Can you get a slice? I go, can you get a can I get a slice?

And she And she sliced it for And you had it? Yeah. Last night. How good is it? It's so good.

It's like trip too decadent though is what you're saying. It's so heavy. It's heavy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you got to That's why you have to

You just have to eat a small piece of it. We got like so small. He was so mad that we took a small piece.

Yeah. I want a big chunk, you know? Here's another thing that drives me crazy. give it to me cuz they all live with me. I know. I've heard. It's insane.

And so, um, wait, you don't right now, do you? I do. You do? Gross. Yeah.

What a night. Here's another thing is their mom, sorry.

I go today. I go, I'm going to get a sandwich. She Oh, I go want one. Okay. I

go, what kind? Turkey. Okay. Get it right. Mhm. Comes from where? Where do I get it? You

think? Giata. Oh, Uncle Paulie. Uncle Paulie's. How good is that sandwich?

It's my favorite. What do you It's the best. We get the sandwich. She takes the bread. Complete bread. Takes it out.

Takes the bread off of the sandwich. Yeah. She takes all the insides. Then butts busts out her own Filipino bread,

right? And puts the [ __ ] insides of the sandwich onto the bread. I don't know what kind of bread it is, but

Filipino bread. What kind of bread is it? What is it? It's a keto. Oh, keto bread. Keto. Oh, she's full of filto.

Yeah. Yeah. Keto. And she's keto. Why? Cuz she doesn't want to be fat.

Your mom's not fat. She was really fat before. Was she? Would you say that to her? Would you say, "Mom, you're fat."

Yeah. That's so [ __ ] mean. So mean. You guys are [ __ ] mean, man. She would show us old pictures of herself and she was like, "God, I really

let myself go." Like she would show us. Yeah, but you guys don't That doesn't mean you back it up and go, "Yep,

fatty." But that's normal in our family. We just say the truth. See, you're they're mean to each other.

It's true. But it is true. But it is true. Maybe we should all be like this to our family members. Yeah. Was I fat?

Yeah. Okay. Am am I fat now? No. No. In fact, you said something about to

you. You're a narc, by the way. You're a little piece of [ __ ] What did I do? What did I do?

So, your mom took took a photo of my passport photo. And then you tell Kyla,

right? He looks sick. No, I didn't say that. I said, "You look so old already."

Why? You don't think he looks younger now that he lost weight? No. Like, I felt so bad cuz like on the

picture like your fa your eyes were like that and then like your skin was so sad. I'm Korean. [ __ ] off. That's how we all

look. But I just felt so bad. So I texted at Kalai and said, "To Bobby looks so old

now." Oh god, how mean you're [ __ ] so mean. It's not. I have No, but with a crying emoji.

Oh. Oh, I didn't see the emoji. Yeah. Oh, that changes everything.

Yeah. Yeah. So, what you're saying, you got emotional because it's Don't you think it's because of the ozic face or

you really think that I look old now? Well, how old are you? I'm guess how old I am. He's got a birthday coming up.

I have a birthday coming up. 545. 54, right? Okay. 54 coming up. Yeah.

He's turning 54. Yeah. And one day you will get there. No, they won't. They won't live that

long. Oh, yeah. There's no chance. Well, she might. She might. You're No. No. Issa's seven. 16. 17.

17. 17. Yeah. 17. When do you turn 18? Um, next year March.

Is 18 a big deal like it is in the States? Like you can vote and all that. Is there voting down there? Give me the rules. Chucking chickens in the road or what is

it? What do they do? The drinking age. The drinking age is 18 in the Philippines. Yeah. But I feel like in the countries

like that, people drink anyway before that. Yeah. See, it doesn't [ __ ] Oh, so if I was 15 in the Philippines and I walked into a liquor store, could

I buy a bottle of whiskey? No, you could if you knew the guy if he's he's probably your [ __ ] cousin.

Yeah, if he was your uncle. Like in our in the sorry stores, you can just wait.

Why two sorry too? Sorry. That's you. That's your people's thing. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's called

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry store story. All right. Yeah. It's just like a It's like a Thank you. Thank you story.

Oh, I didn't know. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, it's like a my bad my bad [ __ ] When you turn 18, you usually have a

debut. Yeah, a debut. What does debut mean? It's like when you're

Yeah, it's like but for 18 year olds. But it happens at 16. At 18.

18. It's a And they call it a debut. So you throw a party. Wow. Is it Do they do like like extravagant

parties like they do for like gowns are like really big? Are they dwarves? It's like a kind of

Are there dwarves? Their names were dwarves. Did you have a a debut? Are you going to have a debut? I don't think so. It's really expensive.

How much does it cost? How much is a debut? I don't know. But like we should throw her away. You You want to You want us to fund your

debut? Yeah. Guys, click click below on the do on the GoFundMe. Let's do a GoFundMe for your debut.

How much is it? It says two 200 thou No. What? What? $600,000. Oh, that's a pesos.

Okay. So, it's either it's anywhere between a,000 and 12,000 USD. $12,000.

$12,000. Oh, it's for grand though. Yeah, but she there's moderate. Oh, you want a grand?

What? Wait, wait. Zoom in. Zoom in. It says grander. Or is this grander?

Moderate means So, we could You could for a,000 to 2,000 United States dollars. You could do a nice one for

like a big show. You do four grand to 12,000. 12,000. A $12,000 Filipino in the

Philippines. Um, debut. I figured you buy an You can buy anything you want for that, right?

Look at that. Look at that. Is that her debut? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What's the word for debut though? They

don't say debut. This is debut. They do say that. Oh, that's why. And then Oh, they say it deo.

Welcome to my deboo in Sabu. So, is there a mute? Like how Jewish kids do the [ __ ] you

know, their bar mitzvah rap videos. Come to my debut in Sabu.

Can you drink it? You So, if we could did a debut, you would drink. Yeah. And then who's invited? The whole town

or the whole town. Yeah. That's why it's expensive. You got to pay for everyone's [ __ ] Wow. It's

just like a [ __ ] wedding. You got to pay for everyone's [ __ ] Yeah. Is Is there kind of like kind of music or no?

Uh you can I've never been to one, so I don't really Oh, you never So, we can just go

like any kind of music. Mhm. You can pick any music? Yeah. Yeah.

You're stuck in LA in your head. That's a That's a kinetta. That's not Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm stuck. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. So, so no debut for you unless we throw one

for you. Maybe we will. I don't know. Would that bum you out not to have a debut? No, it wouldn't. But I know people get

so much money from gifts. Oh, yeah. Cuz they give Yeah, this is the same thing. Kintier, bar

mitzvah, they all get money. They get money. They get like a It's supposed to be like a fund for your new adult life or whatever. Uh, so if we're

at your debut, okay, doo, whatever you call it, okay, and we gave you an envelope of money,

American money, what would be sufficient, do you think? Me and Andrew K, we flew all Now, mind you,

we flew to Yeah, Mind you, we flew all the way to the [ __ ] Philippines. God, we got hotels to go to some person's

deboo. Yeah, but I'm not just some person. Oh, what are you? You're a snowflake. An

individual. Oh, is that what you're saying? I'm your niece. You're on my knees. Okay. So, how much money would you say? Like,

think about how much money I'd spend on sunscreen alone. I know. Would you complain like, "Dude, the boundary only gave me." So, what

would be the number that would be suffice for you? It has to be enough so that me and my

sister could go to Hawaii for a couple of months. What the [ __ ] That you were just in

Hawaii for a [ __ ] month. That's so much money. But dude, dude, Americans

who have full-time jobs can't afford to go to Hawaii on vacation for a week. They want to go for a [ __ ] month,

but they were just there for one month. Your fault. Oh, I'm the bad. Yeah,

your fault. You know what? You get nothing for your debut. That's insane. So, um, if we gave you if I gave you

five grand American money, that's a lie. Why would you That's a lie. I went high

ball. I'm kicking in a 100 bucks. I just thought of 2,000. And I was like, "Oh, that's too much already."

All right. What if me and Andrew gave you $200? $200 each. Like, I give you $100 [ __ ]

dollars to It can't be $200 cuz you've given me $300 before just to do like just to be

alive. What are you doing? What do you mean? Literally, um, like a couple now. A

couple days after I got here, he he woke us up at like 12 a.m. And he was like,

"If you guys suck on this sour ball, I'm going to give you a $100." Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold

on. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Let's put it into context. Let's put it in context. Okay. What the [ __ ] are you doing?

Shut the [ __ ] up. Shut up. I was shut. All right. We got to explain it better because it sounds a little weird. Okay.

So, um, I saw a Tik Tok, right, with these sour balls that you saw. It's a

candy. I've seen them. You've seen them, right? They're like They're like, what what are they? Sour Warheads. They're like warheads. Sour Warheads, right? So, I woke them up

cuz I just got them. I found them in the box. They just got delivered. Sure. So, I guess what did I say?

I'll give you $100. Yeah. I'll give you $100 if you can suck this for one minute.

Let's rephrase all this. I'll give you $100 if you can eat this for a minute. Eat this. Eat this. Yeah. Suck this ball is [ __ ] It's

insane. I know. Like he kept saying he was like, "You have to suck it." You don't eat it, you suck it. [ __ ] off.

Right. You don't eat it, you suck it. Right. To Carlos. Yeah. Yeah. Carlos.

Yeah. You know, you bite. He bites it. He bites it. Yeah. He bites it. You lick it. You lick it.

So, they did a minute and I gave 100 bucks. It was so easy. Yeah.

Do you have Do you have money on you right now? Yes. Do another challenge then for 100. This will be your This will be your I don't

have anything to suck. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have nothing around here.

Anyway, let's move on. Drooling. Fancy. Stop. All right. So, here's the

thing. Okay. Listen. All right. Give me one of those hules to see if they can chug a. No. No. No. That's not a thing. All

right. So, what I'm saying is that sometimes I get generous. But you do get very No. That's why I don't think I'd be a

good dad. No. You'd be a great dad. No. Because I would spoil the [ __ ] out. Like you what do I do with the cats?

You overfeed them. Overfeed everyone. What? Treats. Yeah. King treats,

right? I treat living things in in in my vicinity with praise and with gifts

except for me. And that's Yes, I do, dude. You No, not my talent. Your talent.

Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. You know what? Yes. Congratulations, dude. I'm offering you

my services for being a talent. Services denied. Okay. Right. Services declined.

And I accept your talent as well. And that's a gift. I give you so much more than that. Exactly. That's my point.

No, that's not your point. Yeah. Because your point is is how come you don't give me a gift for your [ __ ] birthday? What did I get you? I got you a [ __ ] golf [ __ ]

one time. [ __ ] you. Give me something real this year. All right. What do you want? What? You want to know what I want?

Yeah. I want to know what you want. Something big. Okay. To suck on you.

Give me a sour ball to suck on, will you? Yeah, I can't suck on those sour balls. But my point is is this. All right. So,

what you're saying to me right now, ladies, is I'm being too generous with you. Yeah, you need to stop the generosity. And it it stops everyone here right now.

It stops here and now. This is the problem. No more cash because little nieces nieces are you are

oh so sweet and they're so nice. But then what they're really doing is they're pulling they're manipulating you

to give them more money. No. Well, I exactly I don't know about Issa. See, no, I've never never

Sounds like it. Here's Here's another thing that occurred last night if I just may while

we're at it. Okay. Don't like your attitude right now, by the way. That little face you did. [ __ ]

Okay. So, um, don't scare me.

What did you do the other night? You scared my What did I think? What are you talking

about? Slow down. What are you saying? He was like scared. He was being a little weird. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, guys. So, just

by me being alive and around is scary.

You know what he did? He waited for so long and he was just crawled up in the corner and he was waiting for me to go

up and he screamed at me when I got up the stairs and it was creepy. All right.

Okay. But when I say this, don't do it back. No, they Well, it's going to No, there's going to be no retribution.

Yeah, because it was I should have known because I'll tell you why I should have known. All the sides all the signs were

there for me to know. So, usually when I walk into the house, I come home around midnight to 1:00 in

the morning, right? Yeah. And the dogs are in their room. So, I have four dogs sleeping.

No, they go hog wild when I walk in, right? But they don't they never let him out, right? But last night I open the

door and they're just out roaming around. Roaming around. So you should have known,

right? And I look into their room. First of all, they all share one room. Three people like sardines.

Yeah. I mean, talk about Amastadon. I mean, it's like, how do you sleep in that room?

We have the um Japanese like floor bed and we just share all three of them and then somebody gets the couch.

Don't you have another [ __ ] room? Yeah, but it's getting redone. And also, yeah, and the bathroom upstairs is broken. It's broken. Why is it broken?

Because I'm getting remodeled, but I can't get it remodeled until they completely move out. Cuz you think you need to

actually I can get it remodeled now since you guys live downstairs. Yeah, it's a lot though. Who cares? I mean, there's it's like a lot of

people in the house. A lot of animals. It's like a lot. I have seven. Anyway, let's get to the So, um the dogs are out.

I look in the room, they're not there. And for some reason, I was just like, "Oh, well." And I just walk up the

stairs completely dark on this, you know what I mean? On my the second floor of the house, right? And then your mom

whatever, you know, which is like, you know, not a boo or ah she went like like

like a like a Filipino ghost. Yeah. And it scared me a bit. Right.

Yeah. So, all right. Let's continue this game. Yeah. The scare game. It's not a competition.

Yeah. It's not. M how much longer is this living situation going to be like this?

Indefinitely probably. It seems indeed. Really? Yeah. Like when do you think? I don't know.

Yeah. Me neither. I leave soon. Yeah. Leaving soon. You go back to the Philippines when? Um on the 12th.

Wow. Soon. And then you when do you know when you come back? You don't? Yeah. I don't know. But the wants uh her to come back on

September. September. And then go to Hawaii again. Jesus Christ. These kids are living like

a family. I I I I now that you graduated. I'm free. You're free. Free.

So, you might come back September. Yeah. September 11th, maybe.

It's a good date. It's a great holiday for us. Yeah. Have you heard of September 11th? What happened that day?

You know. No, I don't. Tell Tell us what happened. I don't know. We don't know because we were in a coma. Both of us.

Yeah. Yeah. 2001. We were both in a coma. What happened? Tell us about September 11th. Don't Google it. So she

Yeah. I want to see if I know it. What happened? 911 happened.

I know, but what happened on 911? Yeah. What did happen? The Twin Towers and stuff. See, this is what what's interesting

now. Okay. Go ahead. Because she wasn't alive for 911. Yeah. So, what she thinks happened probably

didn't happen. That's why we want to know. What do you think happened? Well, you guys are just gaslighting. No,

you guys are like You guys are just gaslighting. Neither of you were alive for 911. So,

how the [ __ ] do you know what happened? We asked Mama about it and she doesn't know about it, too.

Really? Yeah. So, no one knows about it, I guess. The Philippines, I don't know.

Yeah, cuz mama doesn't know anything. They don't know. Did the Philippines have their own 911

ever or no? Well, it happens like every day there. Oh, every day is a 911 there.

No, I meant like very bad things. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Killings. Killings. Remember Darte? Is that his name? Darte.

You see that? That's that's 20 thou 21 terrorist incidents in uh north uh

Kotabato. Buses were bombed and torched in September. Eight persons were wounded and explosion at a volleyball court in

Dang. Yeah. Why do you when you say the name? Why do you do an say it?

It's like when someone like a white person comes back from going to Mexico and like, "Oh my god, I loved my time in

Mexico." Yeah. It's the same thing. Yeah. Bruce and I had a lot of fun in Porto Vara.

But you know, you know what the irony of this is? These [ __ ] foreigners, get mad at us when we don't do it. That's the [ __ ] irony with you

[ __ ] Like on the internet, you know how many [ __ ] I've seen on TikTok being like, "It's Iran. It's not

Iran." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, so what do I want? I want the girls advice on something.

Fancy is going away to Spain, so we need to replace him because we don't have anybody at the studio. And we asked for

Spaniards specifically, right? Uh, yeah. Is that right? Yeah. And we got submissions of Spaniards that

are going to replace him. And we want you guys' help picking somebody from this list. Can you do that? Yeah. Fantastic. First impressions, Bob.

Nice nose. I I like the Adrien Brody B vibe. I love it, too. Yeah. Yeah. Like he, you know, he went

through like a war. Alejandro Brody. Yeah, I like it. Go ahead. All right, let's see. Hola, Bad Friends Podcast. Mayo Serio. I

am living in Hollywood but I am uh from Spain uh specifically uh Catalan but I

also grew up in Malaga. Uh I would love to be your new espaniard on podcast. I

uh I'm just kidding bro. I'm I'm Indian. I do live in LA. I am a comedian. I'm

funny as [ __ ] I love your podcast. Okay. Stop. Push pause. What he's trying to do he doesn't know what the job is.

We're not looking for you know what I mean? A guest. It's a guest. Yeah.

Yeah. We're looking for someone that's going to work behind the scenes. All right. Who do we got on our submissions?

Uh, this is Andreas. Hello. Hola amigos. My name is Andreas.

I heard you guys were looking for a new Andreas. So, here I am sending my submission. And one

thing is I'm actually not from Spain. I'm from Colombia. But I think it's the next best thing because we have cocaine.

Uh, so yeah, I think I would make a good job of filling in for the other Andreas because um I can make quirky comments

every episode and you guys can tell me to shut the [ __ ] up. Um, so yeah, Bobby,

Andrew, I I love you guys. I've been watching you for years. All right, pause it. I actually high up. I don't know if he's from

Colombia. He's I think he's putting on an accent again. I think he's another liar. But I but the piece that I'm now arguing

with myself with this is clearly done on an android. So, I'm like, he could be a foreigner. This is not an iPhone.

How do you know it's a Android to the video quality is odd. It's different than what we're used to. Can I, by the way, usually better video quality

on Android. This looks strange something. So, it means that the conversion switch when he it got to an iPhone. Can I defend him real quick,

please? Um, I mean, I like him. I I like him because he's just like Andreas in the sense and I don't want to be offended by it, but he's not sexually

threatening, right? It's something very asexual. Yeah. I

mean there like nothing correct like Barbie just nothing down there.

Ken I mean Yeah. Yeah. It's just the smooth sailing. Okay. So then he's high and he doesn't come too at the end of this and say I'm

just kidding. I'm American. Right. I don't think so. Wait. Wait wait wait wait

[ __ ] I scrubbed through them. What does that mean? Cuz I love the discovery

for us. It's like it's a living breathing your job. We need two submissions. We

got to get rid of this guy. What are we doing with you anymore? What are we doing? Should we fire him too and

get two new people in the booth? Well, you today saw radio. Should we bring them?

Only because and and I go, really? And you we got to bring them, right? And I'm always like, really?

Someone's got to shoot the show. He's got to shoot the show. Don't you love McCon to do Andrew?

I [ __ ] hate him lately. He's pissing me off in a You like McCone? I like McCone. You like you like Mone? Why do you like him?

Why do you guys like him? What do you Who like better, MCON or EJ? Be real right now. Go fast. Fast. Don't think.

EJ. I know, right? We like that. We love that. No, but we hung out with Mone and his

friends and Oh my god, they're so cool. Wait, when the [ __ ] did that happen? When the [ __ ] did that happen?

Because Mone wanted um to buy a dress for like filming something for me. So,

we hung out and then Oh my god, his friends are just so cool. So cool. [ __ ] was this? Before they left, we went

to the Silver Lake flea. The flea market. Yeah. And we've never been there, so we were like, "You were there, too?

Oh my god." Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

You might get You might get fired. My blood is boiling. Okay. So, let me get this straight.

Okay. Yeah. You met him at the flea market. Here's the address.

No, his house. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

What? Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. What? What? So, you have his address?

Yeah. So, you bring the Prius to his house? Yeah. And then do you go, "All right, I'll

follow you in the car." Or do you guys get in one car? One car. Oh my god. [ __ ] Oh my god. And then did

you go inside his place before? Yeah. His place is so cool.

Oh, really? It's very artsy. And And did he go look how bouncy? Do you want to move in there? Why don't you move in there?

I like it so much. Was the bed bouncy? No, I didn't. Okay. He did a tour of the house, though.

By the way, what do you mean tour? It's one room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's literally one corner. So, this is the corner of the room. This

is the other corner of the room. Two more corners. Two. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. Oh, that's funny. So then you went to

the flea market to dress for a sketch that sketch sketch you guys shot and you got a dress and you bought the

dress. So he's buying her dresses and then and don't Okay, I'm going to ask you another question and I want you

to be Was there other things you did like a coffee run or

he bought us coffee? Before we got there, he was like, "Do

you guys want coffee?" Where'd you guys go? Let me guess. Alfred. No, they went No, he's over on

his side of town. Oh, I see. Yeah. So, where' you guys go? Where'd you go? Blue. What? No. No. He went to

It's like stereoscopic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stereo. I don't like it. On Sunset. Yeah.

Yeah. That the one right by uh Yeah. No, I know. I know. It's an indie place. Yeah. It's It's actually It's actually

the neighborhood's right. Yeah. They're so cool. Like his friend group. It's Yeah. I couldn't Yeah. That bother you or No.

No, dude. Because he's 25. Oh, yeah. Right. She's 23. three. Oh, so same age.

Same age of loser. Yeah. Yeah. Same loser. No, I feel like a loser compared to him. You are, but he is too.

I think you I I would have to um say that you're a bigger name. I used to think you were so cool.

Yeah. What do you mean? This This is not cool. Yeah, it's not cool. Here's another thing that bothers me then. Now, thank

you for bringing this up. You're welcome, man. Yeah. Um are my farts bothering you? Yeah, twice.

Yeah, because I've been noticing my own farts and you can ignore them. Well, because we were in a groove.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I thought, if he does it again, I will say something, but it's got to be out of the context of So, I just want to say SOS and one's

coming. No one's talking. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But isn't that nice to me? I thought we're in a comedic groove. Don't want to break the groove. Yeah. I just That one bothered me. Yeah.

The one I just did. Yeah. It was gross. Yeah. Yeah. So, anyway, um here's another thing that your sister revealed to me last night.

Don't look at her like that. What? Oh, I think what I think you get I think you get recognized more than you admit you get

recognized. True. I don't think so. You know that's true today again. Oh yeah, at the beach

at the beach. What happened? Someone was asking her if we were leaving for parking and then I was like, "No, we

just got here." And then she's like, "Wait, you're Rudy?" Yeah. Like, "Okay." And then the hamburger place the other day, too.

Uh-huh. In and out. In and out. Are you getting recognized now? That's going to be [ __ ] insane. That's going to be insane. But you get

recognized every day now. Not every day in Hawaii anytime. No,

not one time. No, the Hawaii's different. There was one time, but you could tell the dude wasn't a local.

Yeah, it was it was a white guy from Yeah. A main island white guy. Okay. The mainland white guy doesn't count.

All right, so let's go through some more. This guy's high on our tick list, right? Mhm. What's his name? Andre.

Andre. I like it. Nonsexual. I'm 50/50 if it's real. I'm I'm not kidding. I scrub through it. This guy

may somewhere. Push pause out. Hola. What the [ __ ]

I'll give him a chance, dude. All right. I would like to be the new Spaniard in

the booth. I lived in Spain for 33 years and now I live in Los Angeles.

Pause. If you guys He's under 33. And why the [ __ ] is his shirt off? Why in the [ __ ] is this guy

in bed with his shirt? You couldn't put a shirt on when you're doing a [ __ ] video. Then what serial killer does he remind you of? Dmer. That's Dmer. I thought it was

going to come out when he first started talking at those. Exactly. That's Young. I was thinking about coming over there to the booth and by the way, all this

being said, high on the list. Oh, you think so? Sure. I think that's a good thing.

He's funny. He's cool. I like him. Yeah. Next. That's the thing about our fans that people don't get. Yeah. We like it when you're a [ __ ] weirdo.

Yeah, we like weirdos. That's top [ __ ] Hi, bad friends. It's Luke Kitton. Pause. I'm uh

out. Yeah. What are you going to build us a gazebo? Like what are you going to do for us? I

got a new deck at my house. Like what the [ __ ] are you? Yeah. Yeah. What's going on here today? We don't need a youth pastor on the

I know. Jesus Christ. We want to talk to you about the Lord. Press play. Luke [ __ ] with you. Luke, is

Xavier still here? What? Yeah, he's here. What is he doing? He's just sitting. Xavier, what are you What are you doing?

Come over here. He's rocking back and forth. We got a new guy, Xavier, that's going to be on the show a little bit more.

Look at him. Xavier. Xavier. What are you doing back there? I I'm just sitting. I'm taking notes.

Okay. Can I tell you the first time I met Xavier? He's Maybe he's replacing fans. I know. Can I tell you the first time I

met him? It's the funniest thing. I'd seen him before, but I never really talked to him. Mhm. So, I'm in [ __ ] Vegas, right?

And Barati, Nate Barati goes, "Let's go to a [ __ ] u skankfest." So, he I get in Nate's car. We drive to

Skankfest, right? And then I lose Nate and you know and I'm just kind of wandering around and there's an acid

tent. Oh, there's a tent. What is a cigar tent? Cigar tent. But but people are saying

this is where everyone's on acid. Sure, that makes sense. So I sit there next to Xavier and he's doing this.

You're me, right? He's a guy like I go, "What's up, dude?" He goes, "Nothing." I go, "You high?" He goes,

"I'm hallucinating." Right? Like no information. I I seen you around the store. He goes,

"Yeah, like like kind of breathing like Yeah. just tripping balls. Tripping his balls off."

Well, how many tabs did you have? Um, we I I did one, but it was really strong. And I feel like at the point

where we all were like, "Dude, like it's really starting to [ __ ] hit us right now." Bobby Lee just sits down next to

me and I I did I froze up. Yeah. He was breathing loud. I go,

"What's your problem, dude?" I go, "This is what's going on." Xavier, do you are you do you use a lot No.

You're not a big drug user? No. When I'm like around like certain friends like we'll go we'll go out. Who are you with that at that night?

Um Horos Rashidi Kim Kong. We know we know them. Living acid. If there was a chance for us to have you

on the show on acid on the show, will you do that? No, dude. I can't.

You can't do it on camera. You'd freak out. I don't know that I'd freak out, but I have to like drive here. Like I don't No, we'll get you. No. No. We'll Uber you here. We'll get

maybe three drops of acid. Three hits. Three hits. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Remember that the job is to record this.

Yeah. And then sit down, right? And we'll Uber your back. We'll get you a nice Kim and Sarah's podcast. That's kind of

like how we did it. Who's Kim and Sarah? You were on it. That was how I first met you.

Kim and this [ __ ] This [ __ ] Kim and Sarah. I don't remember. I honestly don't know what you're talking about, but okay. Shank.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm going to tell you something. Yeah. Yeah. Talk closer to the mic. We're excited to You're going to We're

going You're going to be with us for a little bit on the show here. Yeah. That's going to be a lot of fun. We're going to dose you. We're going to do Yeah. Can we dose you or no?

Say yes. Yeah. Yeah. You guys all right. Thank you. Does stand up, too, right?

Yeah. Yeah. That That's what I was doing there. I was I was on the show. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. It shows.

Don't be a dick, dude. At least at least Xavier or King go up on stage and walk through that fear, you

piece of [ __ ] I got to tell you something. Yeah, that was ice cold. I So, we're going to Spain.

We're going to go to Spain to shoot a movie for Fancy. Yeah. So, Fancy is directing a movie. It's a zombie. Zombie. Oh,

oh, yeah. Yeah, you're Hey, whatever. I thought it was canled. It is. It should be. It should be. But he I guess is there.

Thank you. Yeah. He got like oil money or something. Somebody me is funding it. I don't know how you got the money.

Cartel. Cartel. But we are going there. We're booking the flights 3 days. And this is a really big test. I want to know

what he's going to be like on set as a director. I'm beyond excited. Yeah. And I I want to know if you listen

to his notes. I'm fine. I think I can I I think if you gave me direction, I'd be like, "Okay, Andreas,

shut the [ __ ] up. You liar. You're not taking any notes from him." I

[ __ ] note, brother. Bro, I go, "Let me do an adjustment." That's why I say on movies all the time,

I'd like to do the adjustment. Well, let me tell you something right now. Can you do an adjustment? Can you learn your lines?

Oh my god. I'll tell you something right now. I'm not taking any of your [ __ ] notes.

You can shove them up your ass. Andrew, I think, what have you said, Andrew? I think slow the line down. You

know what I mean? Yeah. Because, you know, people aren't really grasping. It's a serious What would you say? Is that what you want me to do?

Yeah. Okay. Action. We got to get to go to the

You You do the polar opposite 100%. Oh, you give me a note, Bob. Hold on, dude. Bobby,

do you say cut? No. Cut, cut, cut, cut. All right. What's up, please? On this scene, can can you be more emotional? It's emotional scene.

Okay. Okay. Action. Yeah. He died. Perfect.

You think so? Well, we going to cut you out of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you for your submissions. I

don't think we found anybody yet. We'll keep searching. The undressed guy is good. The Asian guy.

Okay. Congratulations on your once again fantasyfueled life of jouressiness to Hawaii. Both of you girls. It's I've

never met people have gone to Hawaii. So for for months at a time, they're living vacation. Yeah. And by the way,

all your fault. Well, I mean, all your fault. I don't fund their flights or their

hotel room in a way. I guess you're right. Your um graduation gift was really nice.

Oh, see what was it? The place. Oh, yeah. I said I gave you a [ __ ] debut.

Mhm. In Hawaii on a beach. Yeah. And did I pay for the house, too? Yeah. Mhm. I wasn't even at the I wasn't even at

the house. You're the only guy I know that doesn't even know what he's paying for. I know. You have no idea.

Yeah. I'm like cuz I You'd be the greatest partner. I showed up. I'm like, "Oh, this is pretty cool. Who's funding it?" You are.

I am. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. And I brought all the That was a

You know, what can I say about that day? You were there, too. Mhm. That weekend

was, I think, one of the greatest weekends of my life in a long time. Say it. I just said it.

Well, go on. Explain why. I I um

what made it so special? I don't know. It was just the shows went well Friday and um you know all you know

I brought three openers from the comedy store. Yeah. Mike um um Ariana and um Ramsay Badawi.

Mhm. Um everyone was at the beach, right? And then Kalila and that side of the family

was there. It was just everyone kind of got along. It was like, you know, beautiful, you know. It was just a great

weekend. Yeah. Beautiful. It made you feel something. Yeah. That it's not over.

Well, let me tell you something. Every single week of my life with you on the show, the greatest weekend, dude.

You think I don't mean it? Yeah. But before when I go, you know what I mean? I'm the gift to you. You're

the gift to me. Is that what it is? You're the gift that keeps on giving. You're the gift that keeps on giving to

me, too. I'm the gift that keeps on giving me. And you're the gift that I that someone

else already got me. So, I'm going to pretend like I love it, but I'm going to regift it to somebody

else. Okay, good. I want you in my life. I want you in my life. Girls, look in the camera and sign off. You know what to do.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

[Music]

Woo! [Music]

Woo! [Music]