Aoki's Science Corner | Ep 176 | Bad Friends

you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian

dude you two are disgusting you two or something we're

bad friends you know what happened let me say something right you don't open

the episode I know you're trying to do off the episode yeah yeah he really and

here's the deal first of all we're back we're back we back we're back in days

it's me and Bob and fancy brought uh a a sub a substitute Asian aasian asan and

she's back the Liz is back what's her name Lizzy win Lizzy that's your name I

love it Lizzy win is in the house does anybody ever call you Lizzy yeah they do like cuz I go by I go by like DJ Lizzy

Liz and they'll like what's up you're not a DJ I'm not a DJ what would you what would she play if she was a DJ what

do you mean what kind of stoke she only yeah she is Steve aoke oh no you kind of

look like yeah you look like Steve is your new nickname I A's in town what's up he does that too when he waves thank

you for coming to the show in Vegas I've seen him do that speaking of great Asian

moves in Vegas I want you to Google that looks exactly like you Liz there you are Liz your no your name's not Liz it's

Aoki Aoki there you are hey that head shot can you hook me up with your that photographer that was pretty cool I got

you okay hey look up look up Asian poker player uhoh boob falls out this girl

named Sashimi that's not her name that's she goes by her name not Sashimi her name is sashimi look click on it what is

her name what's her name click on the one of the links and see one of her boobs fell out during the Poke during

the uh her last name spring roll I mean Simi look at her okay that's not the

photo I have a big pair but look it says wardrobe malfunction one of her boobs fell out of her shirt during the poker

game but what does it say her name is Shashi no Sashimi oh Shashi aren't you Asian I

am what kind did we get she's not real this is not a good one you have Asian parents were you adopted I have Asian

parents both of them yes are you sure I was I I have two Asian parents but I was

raised by an Asian grandmother so you should be really up to date super Asian this is this is like

when you do a software update on your computer like you should be really this should be we should be running at the highest that's it right there okay so

one her tis just fell out at the poker table oh dude I thought you said I thought you meant it fell off her body

and it so I'm like what the [ __ ] is cuz I thought you had like a you know implant and it came out what you come oh

it just came out no but look though and this guy this poor bastard look at this idiot trying so hard to not look at her

tip poke her face yeah poke her face poke her face yeah pretty good yeah

pretty good fcy pretty but look at that Sashimi raised to 3,000 and 5,000 her TI yeah pretty

incredible um it's a good move how do you know this huh the World Series of Poker is going on right now you watch

this no but it just made the news oh it did so a friend told me about it he was like did you see this video on the internet I thought that maybe were fan

fan of shashimi I do like Sashimi yeah I love I like nigiri just as much niri is pretty good niri got kicked out of the

tournament quickly niri yeah Sashimi is Gonna Last way longer than niri is have you ever seen the card trickery of Omas

do you know do you know him you don't know what's common that's the part about it all right we'll be right back after Sushi should we do some sushi jokes I

talk but I want to say something about why did they say to you uh sh what does that mean a shamas when you walk into a

sushi joint they go Asam they did they think that that's your name they think my name is as sham yeah cuz I've never heard that before yes you have no yeah

they're saying they think your name is sham then why do I say it back that'd be like they think that you're like tetti

or I weirdo wow yeah yeah that's like them going Andrew Andrew yeah that's yeah that's what they think what does it

mean you guys know you know what that is they did it on Curb Your Enthusiasm an episode I don't know what it means but um can we talk about eel sauce what

about it why do they even use it it's for white people whites don't like it I don't like well dude you can't go to

Japan and go can I have a e sauce well I would never do that yeah yeah I'm just

saying I don't know but what I'm saying is is that I don't know anybody likes it right and yet it's like if you get a um

crispy rice with tuna yeah you have to say um does that come with eel sauce and

they oh yeah it do of course yeah no then get it off and they're like boy L

cuz no one you know why they give it to us cuz they don't eat it over there they ship it to America and they're like maybe eat here yeah they think we're

going to eat all is it eel it's eel what is eel sauce you know what let's guess

before we I think they have to if they change like if they made um Sunshine cream if it was Sunshine cream I would

eat it but eel sauce I think it's eel tears thickened and sweetened soy sauce says perfect for it's also Nagi sauce

yeah so it's thickened sweet sauce by using what it doesn't have any eel products no oh it's like Panda Express

oh [ __ ] you know you go to Panda can I have the panda and they don't have it because it's just the name it's just sake mirin sugar and soy sauce it's a

lie it no it feels like there's eel in there no there's no eel no I don't think

so why do they call it eel sauce I think it's I used to work at a poke place and they always you know D they always dress

it dress the eel in that sauce they always dress the eel in that sauce

yeah it's like Associated and so they're like eel sauce it's like saying the steak sauce yeah there you go I don't

like this at all whatever's going on up in that Booth right today I don't don't stop looking at each other it's like

saying mircat gravy yeah what's in this I just gravy man I like gravy I like mirat I don't like mircat gravy yeah get

out of get get just change the name what's what's what's the thing you won't eat at a sushi place

refuse you know like something that I get all the time but every time I eat it it [ __ ] my stomach up and I I always go

why did you get that oie no what soft shell crab

oh dude I do not like soft shell crab yeah and then the [ __ ] it's is it that soft too uhuh because the [ __ ]

[ __ ] gets in between your teeth two days later you have oh there's the skin of the soft oh look at that there's

Sebastian there's little Sebastian Myck right listen well first of all as a crab

GR thicker [ __ ] skin yeah come on man what kind of [ __ ] will you walk around with no

skin I be honest you grow like the regular CR of [ __ ] Armor but they're

just all you know what they are are they are they the case yeah yeah they are that's soft shells are they the

case hey get out of here hey get out of here yeah yeah maybe they the gay crabs dud

back up back up get out of here yeah you can eat me now is there a trans is there a trans crab that was

go I refuse to go there did did he go soft shell to hard shell is there trans crabs oh yeah trans crabs lives matter

did you go to soft shell to hard shell or hard shell to soft shell I think soft shell to hard shell I think you could do both but if you're soft shell right you

can go to the surgeon and just add add layers add layers and then as a you know

I mean a regular crab hard shell crab don't say regular you it as a hard shell

crab that's a regular a hard what what is it a hard shell CRA hard shell as a hard shell um that I think that's that's

a painful operation take off the skin right well you're also removing or you could tuck

you could tuck some of the you could tuck some of the hardness you don't have to pull it off right it's a choice can I

ask you another question please do they have penises and vaginas do crabs have penises and vaginas I know I I tell I

know I think the reason why this podcast is so low yeah is because of me what are you talking about I always go because

these are things that I question in my own mind but this is a fine thought this is a first this is science and biology

science right now oh my gosh we like pulled up a study no you can't pull up a study you got to pull up something a

little bit simpler than that a see a a by the way pubic lice popped up I know I

knew a guy in college that had pubic lice what is it it's lice in your pubes you know what lice is like little I know

what lice is and he got pubic lice but why do they call it pubic I mean he's just a traveler no yeah the lice just

went from the head to the pubic you got to change his name he's like a

mellin he's a traveler what about but hair lice exactly my point is it's all lies don't discriminate all lice lives

matter yeah that's what I'm saying the lice right usually resides on one's head

and if they're a voyager and they they're like the lower crof of you know you know what it is they're Jewish Li

because they like the curly hair they're sick of this hair they go let's get curly and then they go down there and

they go This Is Our Land right hey and they build a wall

little crabs and warts or whatever this is our land it's our holy land and there is a small population of lice they're

not that there's there's only a small percentage left yeah and then the [ __ ] little crabs right are in the

[ __ ] the strip yeah they're in the strip crabs which is the taint right right right we don't be want to be at

the [Laughter] strip zoom in we do religious we do

religious humor here too bad friends under the flap of the male they have two penises Bob no left and those are

no it says he has a left and a right penis whoa dude he pick [ __ ] he imagine

if you got to choose what dick you were going to use that day but here was the deal one of your dicks was super long but very skinny and the other one was

really thick but very short Liz have you ever had a micro penis no I've never never seen a micro

penis never seen a micro are you going to make me you have a boyfriend I have a husband you're married married is so

what does his penis like no I'm not going to say that I bet it's great you just lie you could just lie it's very

large and then we could have moved on yeah we could have moved on by you saying oh I'm not going to say that

means micro penis I just told you I've never seen a mic Mr has a small micro

penis oh my God you've never seen one but have any your girlfriends seen one yeah they said um one time she like

put her hand over it and she was jacking them off and it wouldn't even like peek through a yeah and so she kind of had to

do this if it wasn't a then that might happen yeah but what if she had a huge hand you know yeah this could have been

a w Andre the Giant female version the girl that got locked up in

Russia what was her name the WNBA player please not let no she coulder yeah Les

Lindsay Griner grer Griner yeah what's her name why can't I think of her name Britney Griner Britney grer yes she's

got probably hands TW that would make anybody's penis dwarf she's huge she was in China right no she was in Russia Russ

she got arrested over there I think but you imagine a w like I saw Kevin Hart just posted a photo of him with a a

famous athlete who's 64 this girl you know and it was like shout out to short Kings everywhere and he didn't even come

up to like her waist and I thought can you imagine like what if you you Bobby Lee what if you fell in love with like a

64 65 chick she I match with a girl on Rya that's 61 that's me okay no I no no

I'm saying it's me I'm that girl I was pretending was that was you I matched you [ __ ]

I swiped yes yeah I swiped I swiped yes um but she was 6'1 and I was just like and I think we I didn't pursue it

because I thought maybe what I think in bed I'd be fine with it but publicly I

just can't like bring her to The Comedy Store well what if she whoop put you on her back all the time wherever you go she goes up back up up and thenum up up

up like a little trick you guys could do tricks at the beach like those people that do tumbling and stuff yeah up up

because one time me and Sarah you know cuz Sarah was five 10 10 she's pretty tall yeah and we were at in um Hawaii

we're holding hands on the beach and a bunch of jocks walk by us and they go he

paid for her well in a sense no in a sense and it hurt my it really broke me in a sense

though okay stop okay I'll go there I will go there but I just need

time to get in there but in a in a sense it's a scary door in a sense all right so I'm in a haunted mansion that's what this is all right I

see the scary door there it I'm creeping up do it I open it up right and then here we

go here we go so what the [ __ ] do you mean what the [ __ ] do you mean in a

sense in a sense most times you dat somebody what

most times when you date somebody me specifically or anybody a lot of men but you definitely are paying for a high

majority of the stuff so you're kind of paying for them but that's chivalry some

would say but I'm what do others say what do others say it's cuckery perhaps

cuckery it's cuckery it's cery it's cuckery perhaps see I make the women always pay every girl I've ever dated I've never paid for one thing so you're

telling me I say you pay for the meals you pay for the rent I'm not paying for nothing because people you know when

people say online like Kila or Sarah's only going out with Bobby Lee because he has money first of all I don't have that

much money and secondly well I have okay yeah I have okay money I think you're fine all right but secondly dude it's

like really because you know what a night you know you you know that I'm a

nightmare yeah yeah you know my life right yeah you know the smells yes my sleeping habits my eating everything is

a [ __ ] nightmare right know what cures it what [ __ ] I but my point is is a woman would

has to endure all of my behaviors and that means that they love me they do love you but you do have to

pay for everything you're right you're right to pay do you split

stuff with your husband Liz no he pays he pays for everything so in a sense he is like me the jocks would walk by and

go see her and see her husband yeah and go he paid for that yeah but they're not

wrong yeah but they implied that she was a prostitute and that I PID

like but but I know that you your wife you pay for everything yeah yeah so

you're the same if a guy walked by and saw her and saw me and goes he paid for her you better believe I'll tell you why

they would never say that I think they said it because CU at that time Sarah was a be she's still beautiful but do

you think they think she was out of your league is what you're saying that's what they're saying and people think that and I I always think like but that's not

true like look of this of the girls that you've been dating in your recent life I think you deserve all them and they're all now but back then I wasn't doing

well you mean physically no just in terms of my Cur no one really knew who I was but that doesn't matter I think

looks-wise is what we're talking about you think so out of your league means physically when people look at each other they go she's out of his like

andreas' wife is out of his League that's true and I mean that and I'm not even making a joke on the show yeah I

yeah it's [ __ ] unreal yeah she pays for everything huh and she pays for everything yeah which makes me question

her what's really going on is she on Witness Protection Program sort of program for like dat a [ __ ] weird you

know foreign you know what it is I think it's a rehabilitation she murdered someone when she was young and they're

like we'll let you back in a society you have to take in a foreigner who's kind of like a o laa yeah he says R laa when

he comes but Liz yes you're 24 and you've been married for how long did we know that you were married no no one

asked that last time but wait a minute you're married for how long I'm about to go 5 years in August this month next so

you got married when you're were 19 19 and what does he do he does Insurance how old how old is he he's 58 no he's

242 I'm not 5 days older than him you met you met at church no we met in high

school oh high school swe is he the only guy you've been with sexually yeah yeah

that's also that's also is that too personal yes no yeah it is no it's on her it's her call it's whatever she

wants to answer I'm proud to say that okay that's awesome you're proud to say it that's amazing yeah I'm very proud to

say that yeah now did you guys this is interesting now you planned because a lot of people lose their virginity no a

lot of people lose their virginity in LAN ways right like people like I wish it didn't happen that way I feel like a

lot of women go ask good for he's white he is white right no whoa what kind what

kind ask kind what kind is he wait let me guess he's Chinese nope let me guess

the best kind he's Korean Korean he's Japanese no he's Japanese no he's

Taiwanese not I'm not playing this game right now tell us what could be knees does he have yeah yeah Dirty Knees he's

a Mexican oh wow oh we what a loophole a switch

was like M Night Shan movie that was insane that really was the end had idea that was going to happen I didn't know the ending would turn night that was

good she opened the door and I thought but instead it was yeah yeah wow wow

yeah Mexican from here from must be very great your parents are disappointed yeah

a little bit he's from we're both from Arizona yeah wa wait a minute yeah so you met

this guy in high school and how did you date the entire time you were together in high school no we did not we met freshman year and then he made it very

clear to me that he wanted to date me and I didn't date him and then the last year of senior year I was like he's

really cool and I took him out to homecoming and he never went and I always go every year and we kind of just

kicked it off from there that's wild and then how and then so right after high school you said well let's get married like a year

after my college my first year of college yeah we were like let's get married and we got married wow wow is

there a baby coming no baby don't want babies either you guys don't want them both of you no not anytime soon maybe

late 30s or something like that yeah what is wrong with me because it's like you know I just that wasn't even in my

thinking what at her age getting married yeah well it wasn't even a option really

well there's a bunch of stuff going on right now first of all you were smoking crack at that point in your life oh yeah yeah CRA is better than Mar also yeah

someone's like you want keep have you ever had crack way better way better than marriage never and there's almost

no difference by the way they're pretty similar no can you imagine though I can't imagine it I had no money yeah why

would you want to get into it yeah and then I well no one wanted to [ __ ] me anyway I think that's the first the

first problem was the rock loved you oh yeah I [ __ ] crack Fu I [ __ ] crack but in terms of female vers the females they

didn't want to go out with me so there was option in that way but it's all even if I did date somebody there's just no

way I had no money I had no I I I was like I had to figure out financial and

all that stuff first yeah well your parents are rich no um his parents are rich no not at all either wow so you

guys are you guys struggling or do you was the wedding tough we had a civil wedding and then his mom wanted to have

a backyard wedding just invite yeah you said she was Mexican yeah a backyard they sometimes do them in the

front yards from time to time front yard wedding I've seen those before yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yes well congratulations is awesome amazing now what was in the piñata that you broke during the wedding

there are some like uh lollipops the little strawberry and

chocolate pudding none of the candy that that the wrapper melts in your mouth for you or no oh no no no no we didn't

really have much okay no no Boba or nothing B no Mochi no Boba no none of

that well that's the wedding was a beautiful Affair I'm sure and I'm sorry that we weren't invited CU we didn't know you then but would would you have

invited us like now that you know us would you invite us of freaking course I would invite you we wouldn't go no we

wouldn't go would would you would you let us would you let Bobby and I officiate the wedding that would be

[ __ ] amazing yeah that would be an honor we should officiate weddings yeah and also I've never seen in a wedding

where you know how does you know how they the pre preacher asks is a priest or whatever okay who gives a [ __ ] who

gives a [ __ ] and they ask is there anybody in the audience that if there anybody wait it says if anybody

in the audience if anybody objects to this something like that say Please Speak now or forever hold your peace

yeah but how come nobody says anything I always want to say something what would you say I I don't like it how about this

here it is yeah yeah yeah if anybody if anyone me me me so let me get there okay

if anyone objects to these two falling in love sir one moment if anyone objects

to these two falling in stop shooting fire work inside the church flares flar

FL any this is a great sketch he never even gets to finish it he like if any so please waving a flag yeah what would you

say okay how about this this is a bad scenario but it's real imagine Kila is's getting married uh oh and you're there

there's no way what would you say I'm the preacher by the way I'm going to marry K and her new husband yeah if

anyone objects in here to these two being lawfully married speak now forever hold your peace

I would go right here yes oh yes sir uh and everyone would I have a question to kalila everyone would go yeah hey Kila I

have a question yes what's up who do you think I should use as my next host for Tiger

belly why because obviously this is done right and then she was like what

yeah was uh Steph Tov I mean I have a list you know I mean of people that you know I mean you know I mean because this

is definitely a betrayal all right this is what if she does what if she does get married she won't in the next couple

years I don't think so what if would you allow it or would you protest the marriage would you stand outside on the

steps because you know I'll be I'm Brothers in Arms with you I'll do whatever you want I would no I mean you want the honest truth and not comedy

version I like comedy more than anything I no no no give me give me whatever you want oh so what's the

question what's the question it will hurt in two years it hurt three years if she said it would hurt but would you go

I have to go you have to go I have to go I don't think you have to go well I still do things with the family that I

don't want to do but I do anyway I feel like it's a part of the my family it's a

part of it is a part of your family yeah so it's like like I'm going to go to Hawaii next week do I want to go I don't

really not really but I'm going to go because they're going to be there and I want to participate that's not what she

said what' she say she said that you asked to go you know

Andreas it's funny I literally you know at times do times dude I have no idea

whose team you're on I don't know team he ever since he got naturalized don't

know once he got his citizenship this guy's acted like a [ __ ] [ __ ] you know you know for me is as a producer I

would go where the money is yeah and I would go where the numbers are that's right right but not this guy uhuh uh-uh

he doesn't want to make a living nope right you want to play fire D and

guess what happens you get burned baby you get burned you son of a [ __ ] yeah so anyway those loud shirts aren't going

to save you this time so what happened what did you hear that uh she forced you to

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don't think I would say this I don't think it's going to happen anytime soon but the the truth is this okay is that

first of all in order for her to get married I she would really have to fall in love because she's much like me right

it takes a it takes it's a long journey to her heart yeah and if some guy is was going to be able to weather the

mountainous regions right and The Valleys you know mean and swim the oceans to her heart then I would

obviously support it right you know what I mean unless it was unless it was um if

it was somebody that what if it was someone we know that's what I'm saying if it was a a guy that I know and I feel

like there's some sort of like trickery like Ian Edwards like that could happen

yeah cuz he's good looking he's the other night she was like Smooth she was at the store and she saw Ian from far

away and she goes is that Ian she goes oh I'm GNA go say hi and

she ran over and then she also hugged Jamar neighbors well well what you think

they poke I think they thought about it yeah Jamar is jacked yeah so if um if if

it was either Ian or Jamar I would be fine with it marriage yeah oh it'll

never happen I got to tell you what I know well if you and your wife if you and your wife gets a divorce uhhuh okay

yeah would you support our marriage you to my wife as a punishment as a punishment for

her what I would do would you end the bad friends

no see that's how deep we run yeah okay that's how deepy run but also I would

know that not only what I what you do I've never seen you do this before this

is insane you went Mafia so this is yeah so

what would not only do I know I wouldn't have to give up a dime on my money I would then start taking more of your

money yeah if you started boning my ex-wife I would I would just I would never even consider it no that's insane that's insane yeah and vice versa yeah

than yeah and vice versa of course of course what did you try to start the show with you try to get Jam something

down our throats what was at the beginning there was a couple in Spain that had just a baby and the guy

discovered that the baby is a little person and the guy is not a little person so the and the woman had a

bachelor party what they hire a little person to party with them and

obviously she [ __ ] the little purse whoa wait wait can I let me ask you wait before you even Google it right I just

have to ask a question about little people yeah please may I you're a doctor and a

scientist and if you guys can educate me right so can

two full size full size I think you the terminology can two k size candy bars make the F size yeah can they make a

twin bed my point is is that yeah can they um Can two um full size yeah and

even if in their in the history of their genetics yeah there's no little people I actually think you think that can happen

no no no I think it needs to be in the blood somewhere oh so like if the great great uncle was a little guy it's got to

be in the blood it's got to be in the blood are you sure I'm almost positive yeah yeah we we can always call we can

always call The Source oh my goodness oh call oh yeah call the little man yeah

the little guy we know you know imagine if I called him and and even the phone ring it was like sorry I miss you oh come on but

look look at this most occurrences of orphism result from a random genetic mutation in either the father's sperm or

the mother's egg rather from either parents complete genetic makeup so it can just happen oh interesting so it can

just happen so this in this situation are you sure it's the little guy we'll read the article because the article

looked pretty damning okay go ahead look at this this says bride Tob becomes pregnant after

having sex with dwarf stripper on hen night that's what they call you know they call Hen hen and stag uh and a

husband only realizes when she gives birth wow wow what do you do what do you do what do you do your wife your wife

theor first I would get revenge I would go to the show I don't know how I don't know what the tickets are the Middle Earth it's

got to be pretty expensive yeah and then I got I go hey do you guys have any like chip and daily Hobbits or whatever

running around here you're talking about Elliott yeah I go to Elliot he's up the hill doing push-ups and those doors you

know I mean they're circular yeah they're low to the ground yeah yeah L they circular doors you know what I mean knock knock knock knock knock right for

you to get in you got to do like the Sonic but you know when he Ducks down yeah yeah and I would just have a

little discussion with him just chat I mean he would first of all bring out the bread and the butter he love it right he

love the food so you know he would bring out you know what I mean he's like here's your loaf yeah yeah yeah and then you know I'll would probably get some

sort of like kombucha out of a barrel oh yeah cuz they love the ferment they love ferment stuff right you know maybe I

would change my voice too you me yeah because you're there you have to change your voice so hey buddy you were at my

uh fiance's you know bachelorette party what went on buddy a [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of her all right

bye really cookies yeah they're fresh baked yeah yeah this is is so mean we're

in so in trouble no but you know what can can we put that out first of all we're friends with many of them little

people yeah we love Nick no Wiki uh Brad William homies and they know how to joke around yeah so get out of here with T

Lee Davis I know yeah they're home these people are hom wean who else honestly

uh I I don't know how I would feel if on the bachelorette party she gets pregnant

with a stranger like that would shatter your whole world yeah at the bachelorette party yeah that that would

shatter my world it's so on the nose you [ __ ] a stripper at the bachelorette party yeah it's got to be the other way

you know how many guys I bet you hook up with some random chick at a bachelorette party and they knock them up I bet you

that happens all the time yeah all the time what would you do I mean it's just it like you just

leave you you leave immediately I mean you go right I me you're holding the baby you look at it do you just drop it I mean what

happens I mean I would just I would put it back doctor scalpel yeah no no we're getting in

trouble for that I'm kidding I know you're kid I know I'd give it right back to her I'd go oh okay and then leave

that's it well you and use both arms just one hand you go oh here you go I would leave

him stick it on her shoulder would you stick around fancy what if the baby that you just had came out and you're what

and you obviously was not your baby I know what you'd do what would you what would you do he's like I'm willing to

raise the baby as my own she's like it's not yours and she's adamant about it she's like it's not I got [ __ ] plowed

wow she's like I went to a sex party and I got destroyed by five Mexican men not

Spanish cuz you know that would cut to his core yeah I would have to be the bigger man and and accept the the baby

you would no [ __ ] way he f right no

[ __ ] way no [ __ ] someone else's kid no no [ __ ] way but you know what I would do I'd go find the guy and I'd

be like you got to [ __ ] take care of this kid with her this is your kid what if he's like nah man I go I ain't doing

[ __ ] I go okay well then you ruin then you then you've ruined a life so be it dog I don't know why he's like

that all of a sudden he's like then I'd be like you're pretty cool oh yeah you want to hang out yeah man and then I

befriend the kid I befriend him more I don't talk to my wife and my baby you move in with him him and I just to start a relationship and then she has to raise

the baby on her own has me and become best that's a good Revenge that's a wow what that's the best revenge yeah him

and I are homies yeah you fall in love guy you he I mean yeah and then you

there's a court battle you trying to get the baby back so that me and him can raise it together leave her out of it amazing that's ice cold that's actually

very Co that's the best revenge yeah and we could do it in a place like California we're like we're a new gay couple this woman is she is spontaneous

she's irresponsible him and I we want to raise this child together together yeah she's out that's a good movie idea that

is a great [ __ ] movie idea right that is great I think I think that's I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry I think

that's what s already did it oh they did oh yeah imagine your kid comes out and

it's not yours by the way this does happen a lot yeah this happens all the time uhhuh and it's not your kid tell me

before the nine [ __ ] months that's crazy if you think it might not be my kid yeah wouldn't you [ __ ] tell me

you'd wait till it comes out yeah and also think about this that's why I wish like mythology is right yeah

because then what if like mythological creatures were like in our world so then you would definitely know yeah it's a

Minotaur it's a look at that look at it's a [ __ ] look at the face the face is a full-blown bull there's a bull right

and there's no way to deny it with the with the with the with the with the dwarf right you said it could happen it

could it's possible but if if literally the baby comes out and it's got a like uh a fish tail you when you were in

[ __ ] when you went down that boat with your friends you [ __ ] a m didn't you you I mean because there's no way to

get out of it no they know I wish mythology was cool was real real I mean real I mean it is cool as [ __ ] I do wish

it was real I I wish we were amongst a why don't they let the aliens out you be a great Minotaur no no you no you would no

Centaur a centaur you'd be a good Centaur what would you be what do you think you'd be a little a

cherub a what do cherubs look like look a little a little tiny cherub this is 100% you you're if I could pick anything

you're a cherub that's Bobby Lee a oh I'm a [ __ ] cherub dude dude I'm a

[ __ ] cherub for sure you're the most cherub dude I know yeah look at that look look they have them Asia you know

you know what cherub right dead on cherub right do you know what cherubs do they do it you do

it they think no I'm not CH I'm not cherubic well do a [ __ ] uh sent yeah

dude yes dude you're cherubic you know why because they think and they eat and

they're cute and their little butts are always out that's right their little butts are always out right look that's

me and you that's us dude oh my god oh my god dude somebody has to make a

t-shirt or art with you as a centaur and me as a cherub dude dude that is 100% us

us dude that's bad friends that is bad friend I would why you run all around town day all around town and where do

you want gandal Voldemort whoever's around you know what would happen if this is you and I we'd be we'd be traveling through the land and at some

point I'd be talking talking talking i' turn around you're sleeping you're not awake you're just snoozing on my cherub's sleep I know a lot we love naps

but I can't look I can't really turn all the way around I'm like a guy who has so I can't tell if you're looking at me but

that's why I do it you know what I mean cuz I know you can't you hide behind my head yeah yeah that's amazing by the way

I went to a museum where are they going wherever the [ __ ] they want no but they're going somewhere look at the look at the look at the [ __ ] card's body

Lang can you pinch and zoom on that so I can see up close let's zoom in up there yeah Che oh I know what's going on like

and she's looking at him wait a minute I've got my hands behind my back oh we were playing Cops and Robbers

no no what happened they're [ __ ] H what look at my li look my dick's not

even erect you can see it no I know but look at well first of all number one we

you're about to we don't know where centaur's butthole is you're right it could be midback I'm saying so wait a minute you're about

to pull my hair yeah that's what I'm saying it's sexual dude it is it's so sexual and you're like put your hands behind your back [ __ ] and I did wow yes

officer what a big dick on that Centaur huh huge huge it is a horse yeah but

half man half horse so what if you got a man dick with a horse bottom that'd be [ __ ] crazy a bummer

that would be such a bummer big horse balls with a small or what about this even better yet right what if you full regular bottom half horse right but

you're a dwarf so you're just kind of sticking you're just kind of sticking out like they're

like look at the [ __ ] headless look at the headless oh no no that's a

[ __ ] dwarf tentor or even vice versa right yeah what if you had the bottom half of a

dwarf and you're a [ __ ] minor [Laughter]

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number one milal kit I went to a museum this past weekend yeah I love it and it's so funny when you see these

sculptures of of these naked men because the women the women's bodies are always

pretty [ __ ] they're in a look they're just pudgy lumpy and they don't really

like but with the men they always sculpt the muscles even if they weren't that muscly they sculpt them like they were

all in perfect shape also there was no photographs back then so they they had to have a guy just stand there and model

with his dick out yeah I know for like three weeks just like that yeah just

hurry dude like yeah yeah yeah what do you do oh that's a fine that's David that's oh David's hot dude little dick

but still that was the biggest trick about seeing that live what do you mean seeing

Michelangelo's David in person oh in person it's weird because he it is a like a comically small penis it's almost

like he was taking a shot at him like imagine if he did your body and you're like what about the dick and he's like dick dick is last dick is

last and you're like oh oh really okay great like you see this you see this and then you go can I see and he's like no

no no I will come and then you get into there and then zoom in that's what he does of you and

the last day David brings more marble like he just comes with a bunch of Marvel it's like all right just can

you do the dick now I brought the more for you no no it's a complete it's a

complete are you sure I am assur but look at I mean look at how buff he's

jacked jacked did and you could have given him I mean the balls are so much bigger than the wiener zoom in on just

the penis but like that's what all the statues look like at the Museum I just went to it's a bummer it's a it's like

just make it look at how big his hands look at his hands look at how big his [ __ ] hands are also can I just say that didn't have manscaped back then no

look at that bush look at that bush it's like AER get this guy the lawn mower 3.0 already look

at that thing man I mean it is incredible yeah that you think he would go back to him and be like Michelangelo

please please this will be fermented cemented in history forever please make it just a

little bit bigger that's so funny you're right there was there was that of course there was that conversation I would

rather if I was sculpted like this back then I'd rather them do no because some of them they do no dicks they just do no

dicks much rather no dicks than accurate dick oh you know what I would do if I was Michelangelo not Michel who's the

who's the David David yeah when they're showing it right when you know they reveal it there's a REV right a

revealing part the sheet comes down right but if I was David I would just walk around naked

good look it's bigger it's way bigger than that this cannot be accurate accurate we

ran out marble is a shortage right now yeah that's what I do that's so funny to walk nak around your own s just to prove

it yeah so that people just spread it around I don't look you know I don't look like this you calling out to women

you you're like shies sh tell him my dick is a nice my I am a grower not the

show okay yeah that's so funny that's so funny so where didd you see that at the

Museum here in La I went to the I went to uh obviously I didn't see that I saw that when I was over there I just went

France I went to a museum that's Italy Italy I went to a museum here uh called the uh Huntington Gardens maybe one of

the most honestly dude beautiful [ __ ] piece of land in Pasadena and it's

stunning how much cool [ __ ] that they [ __ ] have but it's endlessly beautiful they've got a beautiful big w

wow you can walk around this huge piece of property it's stunning dude it's it's just you know what it makes me feel

multiple things one how the [ __ ] did these people have this kind of money yeah cuz they own this must have been 4

acres of land five acres of land look beautiful at least maybe more I'm probably underestimating but they had a

Chinese Garden they had a Japanese they had the lily pad Garden can I say something though but I saw so much cool

art there when you see the art though yeah are you like me I don't look at the art you look look at the people looking

at the no I look at the building to see how I would be able to steal it yeah I

think about that all the time do you think about that all the time like what I would do well or I think I think about what's the easiest way to to steal what

could I get away with yeah n none of it they had a civil war letter from the Civil War yeah and it was like barely

encased and I was like how much is that what's it worth yeah couple hundred

grand not a Sil War letter A an original letter from the C Civil War who signed

it some [ __ ] Jack who if it's Abe Lincoln Duke him up Chang if it was du

our old friend Duke up Chang he signed it yeah no I mean it wasn't Lincoln but like hardly a lot of these letters are

are still around yeah just Google how much [ __ ] Civil War letter for sale how much 200 bucks 200 bucks 200 bucks

that's how much yeah there's no way that's expensive bucks yeah I'm talking Mona Lisa wow yeah yeah I'm talking

about click on that there's no [ __ ] one $200 dude eBay that's a spot at the

Improv wait I don't believe this yeah I don't believe it how much are those other 135 12 people watching here's the

deal here's the deal you know this is not real that's the other thing they can't verify this it's $135 for that

letter okay but a civil war letter what if it's done by someone of of nobility that's why I asked if it was from Ab

Lincoln written to you know what I mean who Robert E Lee a Lincoln to Robert E

Lee that well they were around the same time right yes they were yeah yeah yeah so click click Civil War letter from Abe

Lincoln let's see if maybe that's what it was and I just don't know the difference I wonder what that would be worth I let me guess nothing less more

than 50 Grand an AB Lincoln letter 85k 85 closer to yours mine yeah yourk

why would I think it'd be so much more money it's not like 85k and because also if you get caught

you're in prison for a while you wouldn't do it a couple years couple years two years two years yeah but you

know what with our kind of status the the judge will be a bad friends fan and and be like that's it Mr sanino you're

in deep trouble just cour a Jour and they P me aside and be like you're good dude yeah you're [ __ ] do it just don't do that kind of [ __ ] crazy [ __ ] 85

Grand 85 Grand that's it I cannot believe I thought for sure it's worth when I was in Tampa I went to the um um

do Salvador do yeah you guys went to there by myself I took a [ __ ] what do

you call those UHD bird scooter I went down there I paid me I mean I mean me yeah yeah you know I

don't do nothing I know yeah in the heat I went there I thought about you yesterday in this exact same scenario

really when I was at the Museum I thought I'd love Bobby to come here but he would never come to this but I do sometimes you do sometimes when it comes

to museums I do yeah you do yeah and I walked around and I looked at but it's

like I can watch it look at it for five seconds and that's it Salvador do

doesn't hit you in any art any art yeah I can't I look at the art I go okay I

got it no no what what do you do I have to sit and really you're pretentious [ __ ] no you do this no I do

you do this I go like this right I you know how girls do this

I do this yeah yeah she goes like this yeah yeah yeah all right what do you look for what I like to see like if it's

a like look up um um you know like like renois or you know

what yeah renoa renois yeah look up Ren I like renoa yeah yeah it's like if I see a ren

it's like at face value right you see something you see something pretty

pretty okay like this right zoom in zoom in I would see something pretty monotonous okay right yeah but then but

then what you really get in there zoom in a little bit more then you get in there and then you start looking at the guy in the boat and I imagine what he's

saying to that man so that's what I'll start to do I'll start to go what's that conversation because this was taken from

a real piece of life like this stupid little [ __ ] in the front I don't give a [ __ ] about her that little idiot she

picked these Flowers in her look at her mom she's pissed cuz there was a sign that said the mom obviously dresses the

kid the K doesn't me wearing a flower hat no that's the mom but obvious there was a sign that said don't pick the

flowers and there's a guy now talking to the mom that's going I told you lady for the fifth [ __ ] time you can't pick the flowers and she's pretending not to

hear them she prend the lady's a Karen yeah she pret back then we'll just go pick where we want to pick you know my

great-grandfather youed to live on this Lake oh so you there's scenarios 100% that's my favorite thing to do with a

[ __ ] you know what I mean Dolly you can't do that a melting clock can't yell

you know what I mean at a [ __ ] giraffe yeah yeah okay you're saying if it's any sort of like hyper realism

hyper real you can't do that I can do scenarios like that this is called okay Zoom that Zoom that zoom in that what do

you imagine this is called the Great masturbator I know this piece yeah yeah and I got to tell you something yeah

after staring at this one time in a college dorm room for a while I saw this image in my head when I jerked off for

about a month and a half really I couldn't stop seeing this yeah because it's called the Great masturbator yeah

oh I see the head now but some people interpret her sniffing a dick that's what that's what I've heard she sniffs dick right yeah what's okay let me just

ask you some questions here but see I do want to stare at this for longer because there's a lot going on like is that a horse hide is that a

mohawk back there yeah you're right and why is the tail on a chain I'll go back

see what I'm saying yeah I'll go back you know you you you and I have never done things like this we want I want to

in the fall let's let's make a list you and I will do in the fall in the fall

Museum one love you know what I oh I've never had ice cream with you I'd love to

have ice cream with you have we ever had an ice cream no but can we feed each other see we have desserts together at

dinner we don't we never go to our ice cream shop no and I would love to share a banana split with you get out are you

being serious I'm can we we pull the ban our mouth and just at the same time suck the banana from both ends well promise

me this there's two bananas on each side we work on one banana at a time fine I

don't be suck on one banana you're sucking the other you get one and I get yeah yeah yeah yeah so never done what

else have we done together we haven't um we've never done picnic we've never picnicked dude you and I have never

picnicked why haven't we sat under a tree and ate something out aank Basket in a basket I don't know why and Carlos

can serve us yeah he's our little waiter yeah okay so Carlos can do that okay so

picnicking music Museum we never shared a do you want to fly a kite together

dude I would love to fly a kite never flown a kite with you before dude why haven't we done that um because I think

that you would it would be a competition look at how big my [ __ ] kite is yeah whose kite's bigger that we can't do

that we have to get equal kites can we play tag in a field of like sunflowers uh can I Frolic I want a Frolic dude

I've never frog with you actually you know what I would love to do with you and I'm not kidding Skinny Dip at a waterfall I'd love to skinny a water

never D that with you I would love to do that with you can we like fuse that in with the picnic Yeah well yeah let's

just get you kill two birds with one stone why don't we we'll and then maybe we'll bring a painting let's yeah yeah

you know what else I want to do what I want to go to a little puppy a little puppy uh a little puppy place and play with puppies together you know what else

I want to do with you Pottery oh dude who sits in back who sits in front

should we do I have to in the back I wouldn't get any piece of the boty that's the funniest part like I be able to touch the [ __ ] You' be like a

motorcycle you'd be hugging on my hips I know I got to be in the front because I want some of the vase correct right okay

but you can be behind me we've never done that before no and I want to do I want to I want to you I want to be have

my foot on the wheel though right so I can spin it the ghost you and I should remake ghost dude let's remake ghost you

and I did look at that oh my God look at that look at his arms look at his arms he's he was so [ __ ] sexy dude he was

the I got turned on by that scene so much and it wasn't because of her I got to tell you she wasn't that good in that

scene she really wasn't yeah what Demi Moore wasn't she looks fine but she

doesn't look like him look at we never even re we can reenact this [ __ ] D much better than they could how come we've never reenacted this [ __ ] dud I really

you know what you you know you know what you and I should do a calendar with famous movie scen famous movie scenes dude fancy fancy start it but I want it

to be we want to get a photographer make it good to make it almost identical

that's exactly what I want let's do it I'm dead serious I'm not kiding serious like good chras gift it's a good Christmas gift it's a great Christmas

gift yeah yeah so we do what are some here we go okay so ghost is yes we are

doing a ghost yeah I think we should do um Basic Instinct who's it's just one

person spreading their legs yeah yeah it's got to be a two person shot aren't you a cinematographer maybe the accused

okay yeah I'll be on the pinball I'll be on the pinball you are on the pinball machine yeah and all the guys could be

you we could like you know what I mean oh you know what else what the Pulp Fiction scene where I'm the cop and you're Ving RS and you have the ball gag

in your mouth and you know I mean and I'm about to have SE no no h you're the other guy you're bras okay okay so we're

both gonna get yeah we're both gaged we're both gags that's you and me that's you and I that's

us dude we got to do that dude that's such a good shot yeah yeah and then we also get um um like you know we get um

what ball caps and stuff oh dude yes we're doing professional we'll get gen Aspen the Mad TV makeup person she want

an Emmy I want we'll do we'll have her do it we do what are those famous two single two a shot broke Mountain gr two

shot a gray two shot a Brokeback Mountain we got do a broke broke Mountain what other scenes can we do let's name a couple more and cuz just so

I want to get it out of my head yeah let's do a we have to do a Sci-Fi one right right but it have to be

shining the twins the twins twins we have to do the twins we're the twins do the T that's hot can we do the twins

we'll do the twins I like that a lot so good dude all right well anyway we'll do a list oh you know what there's one

thing I definitely wanted to to show you real fast hold on one second this is 1954 Catherine look professional

what to water is so strong that she is literally pulled this way and that in

the direction of the underground stream she locates for cornish Farmers since she discovered her gift 3 years ago

Catherine has located 300 deep bore holes and has been right 98 times in every 100 today she is one of Britain's

most successful professional water divers do you buy this or is this 19 5 for gobble DG no that's look dude I'm

like that but with [ __ ] no I'm like there could be no one

around no don't be real it could be no one around and I I can find it yeah yeah

it's crazy find it yeah you are good I have that special yeah thing you have that special thing you can find it

anywhere it is yeah yeah what is that I don't know what it is it's your judge it's my that's your I can smell it I can

feel it my my chromosomes change right you start to shape shift a little bit yeah that's when you see good [ __ ] you

start walk start when Bobby finds himself [ __ ] in a crowd he must topple over sometimes on

his face so I relate to it it's a sham it's a such a sham sh but how did she

trick so many people into finding Wells what you do is like where are we going oh we're going to this um the night

before this field yeah and she's there all night long right with a [ __ ] stick you know what I mean I think this

is you know yeah there's something's going on I don't know man they said 98% correct really 98% she was only wrong 2%

of the timee that doesn't make you know I know but you know some people have abilities that we you know okay how about this you believe in the palm

reader thing and all that stuff like you know you see these Palm readers all over Los Angeles do you believe in it no you

think it's all kakimi tea leaves no Palm Reader no um what about mind reading no

what about what about um Seance can you do you believe people can talk to the dead no you don't believe that at all oh

100% no you don't the you don't [ __ ] believe that palm reading no because it's like every that's every Armenian

woman I see on Hollywood Boulevard but I do believe that there are certain people that have connections with the Dead the

beyond that I totally believe well then that goes into like you know do I believe in spirits do I believe in an

afterworld do I believe in all do I you do I do you do I think the spirit thing

scares the [ __ ] out of me so I don't want to [ __ ] think about it have you ever been alone in your house and said something to your dad or talked

or thought about your dad and then a thing has happened where you're like that's [ __ ] weird have you ever had

that no never my dad well and someone else that's dead in your [ __ ] life

I've never been in contact with the spirit world in that way but I have like been led the right direction in life

right and you think that might be their influence it could be I mean I do I do believe that like um here's as m as I

get mhm I believe that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now and I believe that there is some sort of like

path and you don't know what it is but you're on it there's just too many things that happened in my life where I went um yeah that's just a weird

coincidence there's no way that's a coincidence that was like a divinely divine intervention you believe in in in

uh Destiny Destiny I do Divine divine intervention I'm supposed to be here right now I'm supposed to be here in

this moment with you right now and everything that led up to this moment I agree yeah I believe in this I think you

can change you can change little tiny elements of it like it's like the path

is there but you could put on a jacket sometimes yeah but then it's but but but you sway between the two because it's

like then you watch documentaries about World War II and you go oh my God 16,000

kids died in this War what was their Destiny to die in the war yeah but I

don't yeah exactly but I don't know what happened in those m minute moments when they were on the

field right what do you mean what do you mean

what happened while they were about to die they were like [ __ ] I'm going to die no no no it's not beyond that is that

it's like um oh [ __ ] my you know I mean my buddy bill you know I mean was just shot with shrapnel you know what I mean

and he's on the ground and you crawl over to him right and you hold him and you you know what I mean and you do

things for him that he needs in that moment maybe that was your purpose sure you know what I mean well

you think this is and then right when you're holding Bill and you die but then somebody your cousin Larry holds you and

Bill and somebody eventually like right a guy's holding 15 dudes at some point

you've killed your whole family they're all dead I don't know I mean I don't know what happens I don't know why these

things happen these dark things but it's like you know I still believe that there's some sort of path there is but

I'm saying do you believe it yeah I believe a big portion of it but I do think that like there are a lot of

things are beyond our control but I think we have some control we make choices within our yeah but the choices

are presented to us and and that's the that's what life is about but I'm saying they are presented but I don't think they're pre-picked I think they're

presented and you kind of choose it and that helps continue on in this in this way I think they're pre-picked you think they're all pre-chosen yeah wow like for

instance maybe during World War II I would have gone to Canada you would have deserter yeah you

desert to no I would have fought no you're a deserter dud I would have left

you and I both yeah it have been you and I together on a covered wagon we we're cowards yeah yeah

deserter oh yeah absolutely he's gone gone what about Aoki I'm a deserter

she's gone no one here would fight yeah we're coward we're unpatriotic pieces of [ __ ] well it's like you know it's like when I see those guys at the airport

that are wearing the military garbs yeah I'm always like thank you thank you no I'm I'm grateful they do I can't believe

someone 's got the balls but when Muhammad Ali got BS remember when Muhammad Ali was like yeah I'm not going to get drafted I'm not doing that and he

could have just punched everybody but he got in trouble he didn't fight for four years because of that I know right but you know because of religious because he

was a Muslim yeah but there's also he was a super famous so it's kind of like he gets an exemption of like well we

don't want this guy to die at War he is kind of like an international icon yeah kind need he wasn't going to fight what

they want were going to use him for was to do a little show he should exposition

exhibition or something do a show for the boys yeah but he didn't he would even do that you should do a show for the boys but it's just like hired people to

kill brown people that has nothing to do with you depends well well give me an example

well Vietnam World War II too because the Vietnam we should have I mean man these you know what I mean these people

look at them they won look at look how sneaky they are yeah what what is up with Trails you really love Trails these

guys love trails yeah they read too many children's books about things in the woods yeah you know they can hide up in

a tree for 3 months at least with no food at least with a banana and a DI of coke and you built your own house yeah

the place you live now with your own two hands these hands right here you and your husband live in the same place yes

you sleep in the same bed yes you share the same bathroom yeah are you in love I'm in love she is she's sung it Young

Love yeah I can't wait till you fall out of that though hey you think it will no

well fall back in love it it'll it'll go through swings it goes back up cuz you guys met when you're so young you're

going to change so much the next couple years so you'll have big changes in your life you know he'll come out as gay

you'll lose your vision what I've already read your life book he's coming out to you you're losing your eyesight

what would you do if he gets in a car accident he's paralyzed from the neck down oh I'm staying with him 100% no

matter what no matter what what if he's just a head I love that head really wow

really really where do they find people like this they don't exist anymore in Vietnam Vietnam

in Vietnam they do it no you're from Arizona relax yeah yeah the Phoenix greater area all right I want to say

this we got we're we are excited for the fall yeah I can't wait

to get back out there and in the fall we decided Bob and I we're g to do a picnic we're gonna do um mum Museum and also

after an ice ice cream but more importantly fancy is going to start working on this calendar that we're going to put together so you guys can give it for Christmas gifts right y all

right good that's it thank you for being a friend

um w

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