Medieval Farts and Reverse Sneezing | Ep 11 | Bad Friends with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee

you two are bad these two idiots bad

friends mythological madness it's all in my mind methodical mythological madness of the

supreme kind mm-hmm you know cuz it rhymes and it's about your mental mental

disorders and stuff mythological madness yeah baby in my

mind with a logical man yeah yeah all the time

baby I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and go to the bedroom lying in bed and I

stab you in the neck some babies and then you smoke it

outside yeah and your neighbor says cut it out so you kill him too yeah welcome

to the show what do you been having crazy dreams oh my god I've assumed for

the last 10 years um I haven't dreamt it at all come on never know it's like my

sleeps were like almost coma type sleeps where you wake up and you go come on sleep go my sleep

Oh what you go what is it what time you know when you wake up yeah what you know I don't know what happened but it since

the quarantine and since I've been sober this time oh my lord oh Allah how many

hours a night do you get oh [ __ ] I get about 9 or 10 hours and I think good I didn't wake up until like 2:45 that's

why I texted us I was gonna be late I know well you were late kalila actually texted me it's a logical madness here

kalila texted me this oh I just woke this I woke up like this kalila just said here here you go here

she wrote here you go he's on his way that's what she said yeah yeah so here we go there he goes there he goes come

back this way come back this way

[Applause] [Laughter]

you're that jewel yeah your dog look at

your dog listen your dog growls I know listen his dog that's not wrong okay Ram

thank you thank you Rudy what is that Rudy reverse your dog reverse sneezing

yeah we don't do it normal we do everything reverse this is a dog sneezing backwards yeah did you hear

that Jules what the [ __ ] is that do we

have two dogs that do that what the [ __ ] you're talking about dogs do that bro reverse sneezing yeah it's like when

cats go like that can't do this and then they they cough up some [ __ ] ball of

[ __ ] cute balls oh my god no no googling everything you fought reverse

sneezing is very common and less so in cats so you're wrong about that when pets reverse sneeze they typically

stand extend their head and neck pull back their lips and inhale repeatedly forcefully through their nose a distinctive loud snoring sound yeah yeah

yeah this is your dog oh my [ __ ]

medieval fart here thank you he's not that interesting but the [ __ ] reverse see is amazing is I've never heard her

sneeze you've never heard a fart like that my friend that's [ __ ] from the medieval days my spirit again it's like

the drummer Boris the boy farts they're like 15 drummers in there Smurfs under

under we're like Papa Smurf [Laughter]

yeah alright enough enough enough of those you know what's so great about that I do that all the time at the house

you do I rewind stuff over and over and over and she [ __ ] hates when I do it oh yeah makes me laugh so hard when I

find something funny like that on a show or like anything yeah I have to watch it again and again yeah I do I watch

American Idol and the poise I got but my point is is this do you have a foreign bed

yes yeah yeah yes dude what do you do you squeeze your butt cheeks open so

that it comes out there so there's no noise it depends if see I usually I fart in bed only if I know that we're not

gonna make poop poop if we're not gonna make boom-boom if we if it's not in the cards yeah then I'll farting God do you

know if it's in the cart or now I can feel it ah it's about the sack you can feel it in the air yeah yeah by the way did you

I got boom-boom from our favorite boom-boom make a good boom-boom from our firm my favorite characters from 90 day fiancé

did you tweet at EDC so this would happen so Ted yeah big Edie big headed

Mayo head Mayo had heavy Ojeda he was on Instagram live and I got on it and I go

um first I kept saying 15 times acknowledged me yeah all that yeah yeah

yeah and he wouldn't do it right because he's like interviews like doing um Instagram live with just other people it

hurt my feelings when you want it you wanted to do an IG live with me yes or at least say hey what's up or whatever

right so then I started going hey man I'm verified have a blue check it's not

so funny though when you send someone a message on there and they're verified and you are - you automatically go come

on open it up oh yeah yeah well it's funny because it's like when somebody Vera do you ever do this wouldn't like

somebody verified follow you on twitter you follow them back yeah all the time yeah yeah why is that it's because you

wrote because it's like a club yeah you feel like you're a part of a thing yeah like you know who follows me but I were and the fan mm-hmm

but am i following Louis michalski what's his name what the singer Louis Bukowski from

England yeah Louis Capaldi who is that

he's one of the biggest singers on planet Earth I don't know yeah what does he sing

there he is Wow he's huge a sharp-looking cat yeah what

is he sweating that singer what does he sing what's that song these things you know the song sing it a little bit

briefly just give you a little bit of don't fully sing it just just give me the gist

know the lyrics the lyrics is this

someone you loved is that the ideals like them a lot but yeah yeah someone the other that's a great song is that

the one yeah this is someone you love me

surely the lyrics are there they're funny because my own blind he goes know

the gay bleeds in tonight fall and you're not here to get me through it all

I'll let your God I let my guard down and think you pulled the rug I was

getting Connie used to being someone you loved oh yeah yeah yeah so he follows me on

Twitter yeah a lot he's a huge star and I don't know if I follow him back but no you didn't it sounds like you didn't

follow me a bit but cuz he's so big I didn't want to like how many followers

on tadeasi have a lot of followers millions yeah he's huge he's like the next II do not know this guy because I

don't know I mean I really like Conor McGregor and like the the Lucky Charms guy what is that what did this is music

I like music maybe you like Olli redheaded vibe I only like redheaded stuff he's a redhead I would have liked

him oh yeah okay this is what it's like on like yeah I'm going under this time

and I feel - nothing out you know how it

feels that's my kind of style you can sing kinda huh Creed that's my kind of sing I can't sing I can I know how to you know

I'm a good you know like like monkey see monkey do oh I see I know how to repeat

what I've heard yeah I can imitate it but I can't sing I can't do impressions yeah you can no I can't

yeah you can no I can do do an impression of oh that Oh DeNiro yeah DeNiro okay no don't talk don't talk

don't talk just do the face that's good now give me another face of an impression of someone else you can go they really that's you Yoko Ono

Oh yuck oh yeah that's good pretty good huh hey can I ask you something yeah could you mind up a lot of people hit us

up on the internet and they asked us to play and they asked us to play a little bit of some of your psychedelic rock can

we play some of it no it's so good you saw it I actually really like that song I'm not even kidding a little bit

it's [ __ ] awesome yeah 60,000 people watch the video you

probably had like nine hits before you mentioned it and that's you yeah that's me look at how by the way

yeah it was so you look so cute in this video yeah and and what pissed me off

about laxing superb yeah the band and I don't know if you friends with these guys anymore but what pissed me off about this music video yeah they punched

in on your hands yeah and not and they didn't show your [ __ ] face til for four minutes and 55 seconds in the video

you because at the time I was just the seventh guy and it doesn't matter you're important yeah but back then I wasn't

you were ripping you ripped on that [ __ ] rolling those keys were getting slid on [ __ ] that's serious it was so

fun all right and then an elite singer it's like it's just him him him yeah Kevin Schewel from Chicago what's up but

I show the band from a huge wide shot and they don't get to you until the juices in it

Alan Meadows what's up guys [Music]

that's all they gave you five seconds I know that's the only face shot you got right there now I know five seconds of a

fake shot that's what they are so many people in that man and fade-out from Bob that's it i love i

honestly though the song I listen to over and over and maybe it's because from that generation no but it reminded

me of stuff that I love let me say this I don't want to defend the band is is that I didn't say anything negative about I'm just gotten what guys want to

defend it huh just just in case okay is all honestly the music was okay you

know it's just what what drove me crazy is is that see okay see that shot right

there yeah so see that man to the right with the black see that guy to the right

with the glasses and this one this guy that the arrows on right that guy no it's okay I forgot his name but so those

other three I went to high school with how's it gonna say this guy's balding in high school no this guy right so we used

to play this club this coffee shop called metaphor cafe in Escondido nice and he and his other friend had a good

simon and garfunkel duo band but they were so infinitely better but they were in their 40s they're just a better

musician really good yeah and so Kevin goes why don't you join our band so then we became like Grateful

Dead that's how many people were on the stage yeah at one point I think you see a shot there's 37 people man

I know so then what happened was I didn't want these two old [ __ ] in the band why he just looked like a lawyer so

and then so what happened was I just kind of stopped going to practice you

know like kind of rebelling and protesting in protest cuz you were like it the old guys out or not yes I felt

like if I just stopped kind of getting involved that they'll throw these guys out on the band huh but then I remember

the meeting you go they had like an intervention oh yeah they know they brought me to the metaphor cafe during

the day and I remember sitting there and they all collectively goes you're out of the band and I literally I remember and

I remember tears just rolling off my face because you thought that your move

was gonna you were playing a power movie now doing a power back right and then I

remember this I go I don't know what I'm gonna do so what I did was my friend Scott Collins was he a rough [ __ ]

novelist sounds like a writer he lives in Phoenix he's a great guy he's in many ways io

comedy to him really yeah because F Scott Collins was like this 50 year old deal 40 or 50 old dude bald had a kind

of military looking guy that I met in a uh-uh and he goes hey uh I'm doing this

acting actors workshop in Pacific Beach and I go you have an actor and he goes I

know but this guy named Gary Austin you know who Gary Austin I don't okay well

I'm gonna tell you okay I don't like your tone okay all right here we go

Gary Austin ya founded The Groundlings oh yeah in the early 70s I didn't know

that he got you down of The Groundlings but he founded it well I don't know how I don't know the politics of it but hey

go in front of The Groundlings on Melrose there's a plaque that says his name Gary Austin carry on he died what

did he die of I don't remember but he died like maybe ten years ago or eight

years ago I remember it being very sad when he died Gary Austin yeah so Gary Austin was like

one of the first improvisers yeah right so he used to do so he came down to my

friend F Scott Collins class to do it just a series of classes it cost a lot

of money I remember asking my dad for the money he gave it to me they take in like 101 right yes it but but it was

through Gary Austin where I was like you know we would play improv games and I

didn't really know the rules but he taught me the rules and how many rules are there by the way I only know two yes

and and you ever say no yeah well yes and is that same thing that's the same rule what's the other one

add information add information okay yeah so instead of going how much money

so I'll give you an example yeah so if you didn't have improv class right for those of you listening I would be

like we were on a scene together okay we're gonna say hey Teddy I bought you a birthday gift congratulations man it's

not my birthday see this that's not see

you know that right you do that as a joke yeah of course yeah so let's do the scene let's do the supposed to do yes

dong-yi yeah there's no door there yeah

so ding-dong hey Teddy good morning hey Micah that's exactly we're supposed to

add information right yeah and I got I got you a birthday gift here go a happy birthday whoa a frog see there we go I've always

wanted a frosty that's how you do it and that would be still fine yeah that would still be fine yeah yeah yeah yeah

would still be fine be glamour so that's those are the rules so but I'm gonna tell you improv is fun it it's okay no

no it actually is fun I'm not talking [ __ ] it is probably cool I think it's fun when it's done really well

same as stand-up yeah but I've seen the best do it yeah I've seen Jordan Keegan yeah you

long for with Ike Barinholtz back in the day love Ike love those guys and I used to just kind of go all right

long form improv there let's take an hour to have show I can't do I can't stay for that long neither but I like

little snippets yes fine yeah I'll take little snippets but this is what happened so Gary Austin I was really

into it and Gary Austin had a class in Burbank how many levels did you get by

the way he didn't have levels I thought that's don't you pay money for that what was it at The Groundlings at the time oh

yeah yeah okay I told you oh I didn't know how far along that was in the 80s

oh [ __ ] so he's like it's mine and they're like not anymore right seems nice so I went to I used to drive to

Burbank from San Diego huh and to take his classes and I remember meeting Mindy Cohn you know she was on the facts of

life yes so she was in the class and I remember hearing that Pat Morita had just dropped

the classes but he was doing it doing it too Wow so I just remember being like I thought Mindy Cohn was like being in front of

Meryl Streep like to me yet I mean at the time she was very famous but even also the time a kid from San Diego who

doesn't know anybody like I didn't know anybody right I didn't know how show business worked right right so I remember looking at all

these I thought everyone was a star yeah you're means looking around going oh my god is that guy I study looks like Charleston Heston or

whatever you know Charles no I don't know yeah so one night I went there this

actually happened he goes hey uh you hungry kid and I go

and this is f scott Fitzgerald know this is laughter this is Gary Austin your ass

goes are you hungry kid and I go yeah I mean I'm gonna drive back to San Diego by kid get a meal so we went to Jerry's diner

in Studio City Law Jerry's right yeah and I was there with me Gary Austin and

I remember the third person we were with but um we're eating and remember like going I have no money I can't pay for

that though I hated those day when you were nervous and you're like I'll just have I'll just have a fry from someone's

plate well that's what I did I got hungry he goes you haven't eaten all day you have no money right and I go yeah

and he goes it's on the it's on the house I got it oh so we were sitting

there eating and they're like 36 cheeseburgers 97 yeah yeah and the the the restaurant was packed yeah was on a

Friday night and I had been taking the class for about a month or whatever and

I and I go I play the piano as well and he goes he got mad what do you mean

Gary Austin I'll tell you how I you guys what you [ __ ] play the piano but I go yeah he goes how come you didn't tell me

because you know we had we had a class where we revealed all our talents and we'd we talked about ourselves sure and

I just cuz I'm not that great at it I know how to play chords and stuff you know basic music works right but I'm

like shy he goes if you're shy you're never gonna make it right he's right

though right right right and I go okay and he goes I'll tell you what kid you stand up on this booth and you get

the attention of the whole restaurant oh [ __ ] and he goes you pay you get everyone's attention and you tell everyone that you

play the piano right and I promise you this sounds so cheesy ten years from now

you're gonna be on The Tonight Show and I said no and I start eating but then

you know he let it go and we just eat it and I don't know what came over me I just stood up on the [ __ ] booth

everybody the whole restaurant shut up and I go I play and I kid you not this

so cheesy the whole restaurant clap shut up now I'm not kidding you

well I don't know why Wow but they all clap i sat down and the garudasana gonna

be was probably kid and 11 years later so he was all he was wrong so the moral

is he's incorrect the guy who's [ __ ] bad gage of time there's 11 years not 10 so not a smart

man hmm you know it's a story that look no I'll just be let's back back up for a second by the way any time any time an

asian kid stands up it goes I play the piano I would be like we know yeah

that's really sweet thought that he'd that yeah he did that and then um so that was my first introduction to any

kind of like maybe you know me and this can happen maybe you were gonna be a full-time comedian oh but I just thought

that this is you know I were taking the class of being excited I remember driving up to LA and listen to the song

Los Angeles by Frank Black cuz his album had just come out yeah and just going on

just go to it like I can't believe him you know going to LA and do so cool them

they have a soundtrack to go get it hyped up and right and and it's funny because it's you know you you know when

you're a young guy like that 19 20 and you you don't know anybody in show

business and you never think that that could be a part of your reality yeah and you know in many ways those times I miss

I miss don't you miss struggling a little bit it's funny I talk I've talked about it a little bit before but I do miss it I

miss it I don't miss the way I used to get had panic attacks at 3 in the morning about how I was gonna pay rent

that I don't miss at all right but but there was something I joked the other day I used to live in a [ __ ] dining

room I used to live in a dining room three dudes one bathroom mmm they had a bedroom and I lived in a partitioned off

dining room and I slept on the floor my mat met a mattress on the floor no like bed frame and I had a desk that

iced got off the street under the freeway yeah you know the 10 freeway yeah and the thing I miss the most was goat

when I left my shitty sad [ __ ] apartment and went to go do Mike's mmm I

was the I was the same as everybody else yeah I didn't feel poor and sad because

I was out having fun telling jokes [ __ ] around yeah until you have those vulnerable moments where you're like [ __ ] I can't pay for this cheeseburger

you know like though helmets are bad or terrible but when you were out and you were nothing mattered I had no schedule

you know you you're you're usually young and single and and dumb and down to do anything so there is no time there's no

schedule nothing matters yeah I missed the [ __ ] out of that yeah but don't you miss like when like I remember coming to

LA and there was this guy named Vic Tunnel up you know I'm her victim but I love that name the guy who made Dunlop sporting equipment that guy no man Vic

Dunlap Vic Dunlap died dude all these guys died from your comic oh [ __ ] rather

people love Dunlop was a big pretty big comic I guess in the 80s hmm I remember watching him on shows and whatever it

wasn't the biggest cuz he was he funny do you like him he's a fat guy pretty funny yeah and I remember Vic tunnel up this is

when he was going down and obviously like he was not playing to store anymore his health or his ability his abilities

I guess you know and he used to run this coffee shop in Pasadena I remember Vic Tunnel up calling me one time hey kid

this is when I first moved to LA I'm doing this coffee shop you should come play it kid you know you don't remember

like turning to my roommates going it

was like Tom Hardy or some [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah but you get excited about huge yeah or when but I don't know what time

Byron Allen right I was doing an open mic yeah and he came out to me and he goes there's a long time ago any guys

you know about time and kid keep going and I remember like laying in bed no

money you with like 15 dudes and a [ __ ] one-bedroom apartment right but just laying there next to all your

friends going to sleep going I know it's so dumb no it's great I know it's dumb

to talk about nap now it's like I see guys I'm like [ __ ] you right that's what you do it everybody yeah yeah I can see

Adam Sandler go [ __ ] you you the feeling was cool back then but back then it was so magical and I you know

many times I miss that innocence and and that this I like the struggling

interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals I want to say this this is my personal

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there's no joke about that Giuliana did it Rudy did it and she cried for like six hours after I know I look I did it

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even though Bobby hates when I wear shorts okay we're stuck inside I'm very white but I'm still trying to stay in shape I challenge Bobby to you

know I just love online workouts because especially because they have the best trainers on planet earth I feel you know I mean this

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favorite Erica Mathews and autumn Calabrese Calabresi like italiano I made

I made Bobby try the morning meltdown 100 it was actually very funny I did it one morning I did it one morning and I

it was so [ __ ] hard but the thing is is I felt like I accomplished something after they pushed me to the limit and I

just feel like I just feel really good I'm gonna do it again I hope you do it again but the next time you do it like I told you that you have to work close

that's that you can't do those no naked guess what a lot I know but it's a little ridiculous all right work out on your own schedule workouts as short as

10 minutes they don't require extra equipment yeah and do it anywhere Bob did it from his computer you can do it

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you need to know totally free totally free from the comfort of your home again just tax add friends 30 30 30 was the

first time when you did Stan you just end up in Chicago or here first here well no no Phoenix in Arizona when I was

in school oh you went to ASU oh yeah your brother bonded so close so you ASU yeah so you just stand up where there

was like a local [ __ ] coffee shop in Glen Mesa or Glendale or one of those spots all right but but I used to go to

the Tempe improv but I couldn't get up there of course they're even open mikes was not the open mic was for people that

were like comics it was Dan murder back then you know remember remember was anime you get there we had

just missed each other oh really I know so we talked about that I was at we just remember the first night you killed

I remember the I remember one of the first nights yeah yes I remember one of

the first nights that I did really really well I was at a place called room 5 it doesn't exist anymore here on LaBrea uh-huh it's above and old like I

remember that place Indian restaurant yeah that place that was the first place I ever did really well and the guy that used to run it was like a crazy

alcoholic what was his name do you know I'm talking about Rick something maybe yeah dude he like you'd show up and he was so

nice good dude not a bad dude I'm just saying you'd show up you like what's up man you're like what's going on man please like nothing man the lineups over

there about another within like 10 minutes you turn back around he backed

the [ __ ] out yeah and he would black out for no [ __ ] four or five hours Wow we'd sit and drink and drink and drink and then he'd go are you drinking

yeah like no no and you go taking your [ __ ] tickets cuz you give those remember we used to get drink tickets all the time yeah he would just take my

drinks idiots get wasted and I'd never get paid I never ever ever it supposed to be five or ten bucks and I never got paid yeah but I killed in that room for

the first time when I ever like really like really did it yeah and then with this one you killed yeah me tell you cuz

you know who was there this the guy who used to come around the store doesn't come around anymore Kristian harloff do you remember him I love love Christian

yeah he had said something if Christian was a regular at the store at the time and was yellow Christian Harley he was going all the time he was killing yeah

and he came up to me and he was like in so many words he's like yeah man you're

uh you're gonna be better than this place pretty soon and I was like oh thanks man and I had just done so well

that I was kind of riding on this hi and he getting his respect was huge he was a regular to store that was a big deal

yeah for back then people knows like when a regular was like yeah you're pretty funny you were like also when when Chris D'Elia and I saw you perform

when we said to you it didn't matter because I knew I was good already I was already better than you only then when

you and Chris were like oh this guy's great it's like yeah I'm better than all of you guys do it right into your own microphone

did you get that did you see him on that frame perfe scoot over this way a little

bit very good why was it sad because I wanted the drummer boy but it didn't no

no but that's how that what you didn't know when you and Chris said something nice about me it was it was it was very wonderful and made I want to ask you

when you talked about The Groundlings saying cuz I totally forgot um you see be closed down do you know that forever

that's what I read online yeah I don't I don't know if that's true what do you mean that's it's [ __ ] everything's

closed it's quarantine baby no closes UCB closes Upright Citizens Brigade

training center will be closed forever yeah forever New York not LA not LA New

York yeah New York yeah sad you know it is sad it's you know it's one of those

venues for me like Largo where it's a little he'd go there and bomb not just

bomb I just when I went there I never felt like I was a part of it because

we're not that's an exclusive little group I know I mean you would get invited to do some sort of improv show

or do stand-up in an improv show you know they always had like a hook it

couldn't just be stand-up yeah if you could just stand up but then there's an interview where we you have to play a character someone's gonna throw

something at the audience at you just out of nowhere and it's an object that we gave them and so you just have to play with yeah you might hit you in the

face am I not yeah and that is it but it's one of those places where I go I always thought to myself I'm not cool

enough or well they always had kind of there's always a vibe there right but this is the only way I explain it whenever I would feel like [ __ ] cuz I go

there and do a show and do fine or something yeah I was like what the [ __ ] it's the same jokes I do back at the I always would walk away going ah this is

how people feel when they come to the store hmm right yeah yeah yeah so I felt the balance was right when I was like oh

I deserve to feel like that because I know people come up to me and they're like your [ __ ] store makes me feel like [ __ ] whenever I go I'm like what

yeah I think the stores for people that experience trauma yeah a lot of it yeah

because I know a lot of like wholesome just nice people with good upbringing who get a really strange vibe from the

Comedy Store where like they feel just as soon as they get there and I call like a gross and just intimidated you know it is

though it is very intimidating yeah but it's it's just you know you can't [ __ ] with the history man no you can't [ __ ]

with the history and the the level of talent do you when you when you bomb for

the first time at the store like do you remember your first like bad bad show there yeah I can tell you what it is

yeah and and come on baby I know I'm gonna say but I have to think about come

on papa I don't wanna start a war let the puppet a list that story you're

not gonna start a war so this is what happened oh [ __ ] sorry so this is when I was opening up for Mencia

a lot turn it off okay because I want to pay attention all right relax your volume thing on the side I don't

know how right there where you're pulsing off oh look at that that's very that's responsible yeah Rudi's laughing really

likes it really loves it so yeah I was living in San Diego but mitzi had made

me a paid regular at la jolla or at know what i got lucky so two years in Paulie called me and

goes did I say an open mic and I'm looking for an emcee for my Vegas show

and I go I was working the door in La Jolla and I go alright yeah so he flew

me out there and it was in front of he was huge at the time 5,000 people where was it that in Vegas for the rib Wow so

steve Schirripa was like the guy there you know Sherpa yes five thousand people

yeah and I were a stripper going a kid and he called me Ching because dice to

call me Chang whoa yeah dice used to call me Ching ch ing yeah chyann yeh

yeah so he's ego what are you saying which one are you saying ching with the G oh my gosh

yeah not [ __ ] not [ __ ] that's illegal no it's not it's canceled you can't you

could have set it back then we said it already yeah you guys did a shame Gillis

got canceled from it that's now Tripp

used to call me Ching and then ohm yeah and he got a Ching you do if you do six

minutes I'll break your legs oh yeah if you do four minutes I'll break your legs you do

five that's it that's what you gotta remember just being literally yeah you

know yeah it's also Vegas maybe it was living well you'd hear stories that he was connected to the Mafia or whatever

he was so I remember it was his I've been doing comedy for two years and I

went up I don't remember what I did and then I brought up wild Willie Parsons wild Willie Parsi this picture still a

down the door yeah while Willie Parsons went up it's 30 but when I got offstage

backstage huge place right yeah I see Mitzi coming up to me oh I'm gonna open

my girl oh but you do it like she's like

Bobby that's how I used to sound scared you're

a regular at all my clubs oh wow and that's how I got in damn her lucky

that must have felt so [ __ ] good so lucky so I was living in San Diego in a regular but mints egos a dude hey bro

you come up and do you know come to LA bro so I went up there on a Saturday

night and Mitzie saw me there and I was hanging out with Carlos in the main room green room mm-hmm and Carlos goes aim

its he put him up right you're a new comic I'm new yeah and um it's yeah you

go up and Joe Rogan says Joe Rogan's there and you're Rogan goes busy he's

[ __ ] seen Eagle he's not funny or something like that funny right

yeah he'll be fine that's what she said yeah I went up there not only did I not

hear any laughs I hear Rogen in the back on I [ __ ] told you he's not funny

Yeah right and I remember eating it so bad you can feel it Oh Mike

it was also like one of those sets where I went oh maybe it's I'm not gonna make

it yeah oh you know maybe yeah maybe it's just like I was a local in San

Diego what who am i competing against you know right but maybe in the big leagues I just don't have it in

retrospect is because I just didn't wasn't you weren't ready I wasn't ready that's all you were good you just

weren't ready I wasn't even good I wasn't even good it was just like I just know what it wasn't ready and you give me one of your jokes that bombed oh yeah

oh yeah I used to do I'm so lonely right

and so lonely when I stood when I masturbate I grabbed my own ass right oh my god did

I turn I go do me do me yeah and then my opening act and my

opening line was I used to make my hair really messy yeah it was out of control mm-hmm and I would go and that really

Asian I just woke up crush in San Diego

in San Diego but and I did in the main room nothing and now it is so funny yesterday the Sklar brothers I did

something with them and the Sklar brothers was around doctor what did you do with the Sklar brothers I thought

were quarantine in I couldn't know I didn't I did it through assume zoom okay

but why because we don't I know but I know I like them to ruins

I know I like them - yeah yeah they got mad at me by the way well the mill just finished and they'd fall so there may be a Star Wars all

hate Star Wars but they they went through my agent and my manager they

kept calling me in that item response so then they went to a B mm-hmm and Matt and they called me hey what

about the Sklar brothers and I went well they have my number so then Willie directly called me I

couldn't say no mm-hmm that's that but name with the Sklar but let me just finish this and then you go into this our brothers I remember I was so bad

back then that they pulled me aside one night and they go hey um you know you're

confident up there but like we don't know anything about you yeah you know cuz they're like really

direct and I go what do you mean look at me you're just doing jokes about they don't make any sense you're doing ninjas

on Southwest right I just do big cousin in jizan Southwest mm-hmm yeah and he goes it's just that's isn't you know you

there's nothing that we know what people do what's the premise of that bit that ninjas themself because back then and security checkpoints they used to have a

big weapons like no weapons and then tomahawk they all said no chucks yeah

right yeah so I go I mean how many ninjas are you know man that's their job to sneak right and

you'll hear you see a smoke bomb and then they're in this overhead compartment you mean in the nights ago

you cannot see me that's a good job good job I do that tonight Joe but they go so

that I remember go them saying that I remember going I [ __ ] hate this yeah for years for how long for like

five years yeah when I see this go up but then when I Scott what they were saying and I started doing what they were

suggesting right I went and they were trying to help yeah they were just trying to urge us

trying to give you some give you some tips oh well just a direction to go you know who said the meanest thing about those guys and I love them they're great

too if they're nice to me I love them there's no the meanest thing and they said this on stage they said Dave Attell

gave them the best and the worst meanest intro of all time what was it they brought up a telltale was at the store

and they did they did they were they did they did very well and then they bring up Dave and Dave gets up there you know

he's like already like he's like he's like uh for the Sklar brothers some people start clapping he goes I didn't

know boring came in stereo and they what

and they both were like and Brandi sounds like jay-z was like I was but

they were both like honored yeah to get like [ __ ] on by him yeah but also they were like maybe he means yeah like

because he's good like that you know who makes you used to give me the worst intros who Marc Maron oh yeah what the

[ __ ] no yeah he got to the point I could see him doing that on purpose thing I had to say it that you were likes thanks for the shitty intro no I had had to

pull him aside and call literally I'm gonna uh yeah I'll kill you kill you if you do that again yeah

he goes what do you mean I can't do it what was it what was the word what was this next guy gives you high energy cuz

you know he wants you to like [ __ ] you right and he's like kind of a dancing clown [ __ ] you right so here comes you

know mister needy [ __ ] you right and I remember just calling him a signing cut you know you might be right

I mean you might be right sure I might be needy yeah am i I might I don't play

a guitar or do props but only your friends get to call you mr. needy yeah but it's also it's like there's certain

theatrics that I do that maybe through time I'll let go of but it's just not

your job you know I give great intros you do you give probably the best in the game it is really funny for a comic to touch say

someone else's needy we're all [ __ ] needy [ __ ] that's why we're on stage doing comedy and then but then the mark

over the years after that gave me the past intros he said one of the nicest things I've ever heard in my life what

we talk very sparingly as Mark does Mark's like that and when I was on that I'm dying up here show the show had said

they were going to submit me for consideration for an Emmy

Wow and I was like why I was like I don't that is you're a great actor no but I was like that's a stupid idea I

don't even want to be I was like I don't want to be in the idea of that war Jules we should watch the show he was all no it was on a show time you know but let

me say let me just finish and Eric Griffin's Allah - and now matter Jim Carrey about Jim Carrey produced it yeah

he was on Showtime he just came out your canceled it got canceled it doesn't matter we should watch it anyway but but

but I'll say this they said they were gonna they were gonna put me up for an Emmy and honestly genuinely when they said that I did tell my age and I was like I don't really

want to do that because I know it's a political process I don't want to do interviews and stuff I don't really like that stuff I'm not good at that right and I'm not gonna hiding my poker face

like I don't have like wonder like how was the show like I don't give a [ __ ] what even why don't we talk about it I don't like yeah so they said that and then because mark

is on the I can't think of the wrestling show I'm so stupid

it's called glow glow and they're on Showtime as well or on HBO or whatever

it is yeah it was at the same time that people are getting considered and Mark came up to me out of nowhere we always say hi and

that's kind of and he goes hey you're really good on that show I said thanks mark and he goes yeah I did for you I

voted for you really I swear to God in my life yeah I was like seriously yes

yeah yeah later man and he left and I remember I call my wife and I go that's the nicest thing mark was like so out of

nowhere because he doesn't really do that I don't know why I did that okay a year ago he came up to me by the way then I deemed him yeah like a week

later yeah and I was like hey man I just want to say like that that was really awesome yeah you did that and he left me

on scene which is Mark being like yeah [ __ ] you said to me last year he goes

you're working a lot right I see you all the time we're working a lot yeah that's crazy

you guys you deserve it when Mark does that yeah okay I tried you can't I have

no feelings we all shop online come on Bob shops constantly I can't get him

around a computer I can't without him shopping and I would have a Spanish to have coupons and to get me a cheaper

deal on the things that I buy and that's why honey is so important yeah it's a free online shopping tool it saves you

money online it automatically finds the best promo codes and applies them automatically to your cart you don't even have to do anything so let me

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you check out this little box drops down and all you have to do is click the apply coupons it's that easy okay look I

was shopping the other day amongst getting groceries I also needed a new cheese grater and other kitchen utensils

and when I bought that online at tarjay I got myself a coupon I saved a couple

of bucks how much did I save you asked nunya business it was 10 dollars and 28 cents but it was worth it it was amazing

that you saved money I didn't really really even really do save much incredible guy they they have 18 million

members and two billion dollars in savings a lot of people have used it honey really great 30,000 storms online these

support and they're adding money every [ __ ] day man every single date not

using honey when you're shopping online is literally passing up free money you don't do anything they give it to you it's free to use free to install it's

backed by PayPal you know you can trust PayPal get honey for free at join honey

dot-com / add friends that's join honey dot-com / bad friends that's right hey

boy do we love Buffy we've talked about it before we actually do use it and we use it I've said this before and I'll

say it again is that I don't generally trust Andrew Santino what's up and then when he suggested to take this buffy

comforter at home it's the only comfort that we use it is the most comfortable thing that I've ever owned in my whole

entire life [ __ ] life okay it's made from ultra smooth eucalyptus fiber that feels softer it is way softer than

cotton it's breathable cool to the touch and it maintains an ideal sleeping temperature and you can feel cozy

without overheating at night and here's the problem so when when when Bubba sleeps he always says that at night he

gets really sweaty and kalila doesn't like waking up in a pool of his sweat yeah but you give lip this fiber makes it so that you go live less dry bar

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and cheeto this is what she don't like the most about puffy although it is the most uncomfortable thing is is that it's

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products have almost 20,000 five-star reviews you guys they're incredible they're offering you a free trial listen Bob and I know

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you cry on cue rude she trying to talk this one try right now they'll try to catch try to get emotion yeah yeah

imagine but imagine Bob just kicked you out of the house and he left you back on the street and you have to fend for

yours let's talk about that real quick okay so Edie oh so add from 90 day fiancé is was

dating are you gonna put her up for bait no you do not see each other anymore so she's single he's single and and so

this is buried I think Rose Marie said he only gave me two things I think he only did the show to get famous I love

it I lie even more now I love him more so then I looked at Rudy and I went

[Laughter] [Applause]

ubu's her for bait again forget just kill him up with Tiger belly for mayo head ed yeah you what why you don't find

him attractive see anything Mike no why

[Laughter] he looks like a melting candle god it's

so I mean look I just there's I come on you know what I mean it's so creepy everything about that thing is creepy to

me that show or him the show is I love the show it's still creepy but he's really creepy the fact that he's like

you know they gave me a kiss kiss oh I know or also was like yeah when he was

giving her the foot massage gross Oh any [ __ ] guy that says I give the best you don't brag about your

own skills nobody does that nobody brags about a foot massage by the way I give the best foot massage would

you say that it's like get the [ __ ] away from my feet but then they zoomed in on her leg and she had legs like you like hairy hairy legs that's cultural she has

hairy legs yeah xuxa would be out of pity when you lived in the Philippines did you just grow it wild and when you

got here is like yeah is that is that

super normal that no women shave their legs what about the armpits but don't you doesn't it bother you to have hairy

legs or no it doesn't matter get closer to the mic Jules no but armpits kind of bother you though right

yeah hairy armpits it doesn't matter huh

culturally to do any women there shave legs and armpits or no some do but it's

rare huh I guess they don't feel they don't get like what but I would imagine you'll get that much

you don't get sick hair right yeah no I imagine like your legs don't get like like Asian hair tends to be very thin

like that yeah like your like your leg hair do you like hair monkey monkeys there it is it is funny that the women

don't show the legs but so many of the men there do isn't that funny the men shave their legs right there's men that

love to shaving their legs dude can you believe this look what I saw somebody sent this to me today Harvey Weinstein

says he's free of coronavirus symptoms this fat piece of [ __ ] who walks around

debilitated with a [ __ ] Walker said he beat the virus mmm that doesn't make you mad doesn't that blow your [ __ ]

that's how you know that they've got a cure that's how you know yeah how the [ __ ] does this how the [ __ ] does this

fat blob slob pieces this guy hey yeah yeah but but you know that that's an act

right even if yes still looks like he should understand that but the thing is

he no this whole feel bad for me thing yeah I'm gonna block her it's a that's an act complete act he's not as frail

and who is this character behind him from guess who what the [ __ ] is that

yeah no I know this is an act I know this is an act is it okay I know dudes like that so that the guy that owns

MADtv what do you mean the guy that started that know he is like he's a big kind of a old Hollywood mogul his name

is David Salzmann do you know him David salzman yeah he sounds familiar so he's that he he used to produce back in the

day Dallas oh yeah Judy he also was partners with Quincy Jones for many many years

right the greatest producer producer in the history of music right so David Salzmann he still hangs out at the Laugh

Factory he's like this old I love is he he's older than him well he's only 68 yeah I think yeah but David sells has

got to be in the 70s right right but Saul Z if you [ __ ] touches the legs I

always grab his like groin and it's like thighs and stuff you know mania and it's

literally like made out of cement you said hard as a rock it's he's so strong solid right so I

think that like all the Hollywood moguls like Salzmann I think height Weinstein's in that way

really yeah they look frail but there super like they do [ __ ] at night that

we're not aware of right did they [ __ ] do matzo ball [ __ ] you know I mean that's a ball whatever the do we do

they lift matzo balls for whatever I don't know welcome to the Jewish agenda yeah but I

know what you mean you think he's trying act but still though dude the fact that he beat it the fact that he beat it and

guys like like this like look at this kid Washington State this football player 22 years old in great shape and he dies that's how you know something's

going on no III think there's a cure dude if you're rich enough they got it

if you're rich enough they got it you think though how do you think magic be dates before everybody else you think he

didn't beat it yeah he did it undetected HIV is undetectable his blood then him no it's it's undetectable in his blood

they literally can't detect it and now now they have two people that they've completely quote-unquote cured

undetectable but it took him 20 years it's like these serial killers that find Jesus and you know they find Jesus in

jail yeah and they go yeah I'm saved yeah no matter I don't give a fine I believe that right yeah but deep down

inside that's saved yeah there's something going on do you think if you do you think if you got really sick

you'd find Jesus no no I can't I can't I

just because of the Crusades and be just because of just their ideology and their you didn't have any religion growing up

anyway not really no but it's oh I know I know I know I know I know I know I

know dead church let me ask this though you know how like White's always have white Jesus in in Catholic churches

black people have black Jesus sometimes in their church do Asians have Asian Jesus Buddha no but I'm saying bizarre

is there ever Jesus that's Asian Dao you know like if you walk into my church the number one religion in Korea is

Christianity I don't know if you know this yes I do it is and if you look at their Jesus right it's not like so funny

though you know me it's a what it's the white one on the cross I guess behind

the pulpit yeah but they use the white one yeah that's my point in black churches they will use a black Jesus now they use the white one yeah why because

I think it's the safe one yeah I don't know I think Asians secretly you know they would admire whites do not all of them I think

they're they I think they're on the same kind of you know there's some oppressing going on right right and capitalism

you know right a number one thing really in in Asia in Korea yeah in China

obviously capitalism run rules rules yeah so what they have a they have like a

they're okay with white Jesus yeah it's like I know so many Korean chicks that

are married to white dudes hmm but if they were married to a Vietnamese dude or any other person mom and dad

would lose it they would they would disown them Wow my cousin kind of want to say this out loud yeah yeah Eddie

yeah married a Vietnamese woman she's really nice yeah I love her what's her

name yeah it doesn't matter

Tran and my uncle who I love jacking up on chocolate on mom and I'm buying Jagga DOMA they didn't go

to the wedding no yeah because she was Vietnamese damn really we have to cut that part out no

leave it it's personal but it's real it is pretty really they didn't go to the wedding that's kind of harsh yes so um I

remember just growing up getting in fights with my parents about all that stuff it's like did your parents ever tell you if you marry if you marry a new

you if you if you were gay if you gay I'll rip your dick off yeah and like

you're eating Thanksgiving dinner yeah he would just make these statements if

you grow friendly the black eye cute hey everybody yeah and then you hear stuff like that

but then as you get older you go what that's crazy yeah what the [ __ ] you're talking about but we're all the same but

for them but then they would change so what like when Obama ran for president the first time mm-hmm

we're gonna vote for who is it the guy that he's running against not McCain it

was at McCain yeah John McCain ran cuz we live here in Arizona and I'm like no you're voting

for Obama okay I mean they were like I just would they would just do what I

would say because they realized at some point your parents kind of realized that you might not you might know more than them yeah I also they know that I will

be like you know it's like you'll be alive when they're gone it's not even that it's like yeah I really believe this it's I know a lot of white kids

right they go right here I know but not you're not this in this kind okay why

kids yeah my parents are huge Maggie Maggie Maggie yeah I mean and I'm like oh but you're not yeah that's crazy

it's like that point of you is crazy I go but how do you you know it's your job to change them yeah buts a lot but but

like your parents what are they that's hard I think their problem they're they're traditionally conservative

people but they're not Maggie Maggie people would they voted for him no okay

I mean I don't know you've never asked really but I just I'm we make fun of

them so much that I just figure on the same page like that did like my Twitter with my are my texts with my parents and

my sister yeah it's us just sending Trump clips yeah yeah but they're traditionally conservative people yeah

so my parents but it's like you know um I just try to sway there you know like

my mom I told my mom like I cuz I'd like cuz I like to Pete Buddha Jed she liked him too yeah I gave veteran I thought

that was a good liberal if you're gonna have a liberal candidate I was like get a gay [ __ ] veteran and yeah a guy who

sucks [ __ ] and shoots guns yeah that's the one get him in there I'll I thought he was I think he was too young people

don't like young guys for some reason this country's obsessed with old prep what is art why do we like old guys to

be a president why can't it just be someone young because I think that it it because you're like he's because George

Washington were that white wig yeah and he looked like he's a 90 year old angel that's cuz he was bald I know my point

though is is that it always had they always had like you know older dudes through generations cuz it feels like we

know more than you you put they don't know no [ __ ] yeah no [ __ ] because look at Canadians guy who's can

a do Trudeau yeah he's young guy young guy yeah you know mean yeah you can tell he's just power Fox

yeah yeah right

I mean where is Trump looks like he does sloppy [ __ ] like you hear this noise

you mean innit I'm done yeah right he goes I'm gonna wait you where do you

feel this a lot yeah and then it's done I'm done

and it's like in her bellybutton yeah milania's bellybutton this feels good to

me my candies yeah that poor [ __ ] robot slave um look at this I want to

bring up this article I wanted you see that the one this is really sad I got a couple of noes Pete news pieces I want to share with you New York man and

girlfriend quarantine in Mexico are shot and killed this is why we're at the [ __ ] bottom of journalism right now by the way you want to know why we're at

the butt bottom of journalism okay this mini vani Burke out of NBC News look what she did New York man a

girlfriend quarantine in Mexico shot and killed okay this is really sad he goes down to Mexico to quarantine with this woman he loves right mm-hmm

police say 20 gun shots fired at the vehicle nobody's been arrested all right he met Baca physical education teacher

in Juarez during a trip to Texas he goes down there to quarantine he was a good dude his friend said this one really

[ __ ] me up another friend Adam house at Landers had been in Mexico for about three weeks and the last time the two

spoke was a few days before his death house ad Landers told him he was trying to learn Spanish and joked about gaining

weight from eating too many churros why

the [ __ ] is that in an article about a guy who got shot 20 times why the [ __ ]

is there a joke journal in Spanish he was eating too many churros anyway he's [ __ ] dead why is that the joke they

put in there it might not be a joke with that what if that's real why would that be the thing okay that's information I want to know ready

I'm NBC News yeah yeah blah blah blah I'm Who am I playing hello hi this Bobby

Lee yeah hey Bob we uh we have some terrible news to tell you we a friend of yours a guy who you do a podcast with

Andrew Santino was brutally gunned down and murdered yeah in Mexico and Juarez he was killed

yes yeah can we get a quote from you please what what can we say about what can you say about him uh what I like

about him he doesn't look good at shorts mm-hmm okay orange orange II thick

orange e jungle E eyebrow well he used to because they were they they shot his head clean off his body

about a hundred yeah and then he his skin so pinkish okay thank you Bob

yeah that's what I would say that would be the quote his skin so pinkish yeah okay yeah and he liked to drink beer I

don't like beer I would I don't know I would just make it up so that's what this guy did probably is getting away

from eating Charles and they're like no he's dead he's like haha yeah okay I would say that's what you really

deserved it that's what you would say yeah let me ask you that I'll be the reporter okay it'd be real though okay

hey you know what you're right you're right you know what you're right you're right now I'm gonna be real are you I wanna do a real one two now okay I'll do

okay I'll call you but then I want to do a real one to this okay let's see be as real as we can okay call me all right big if you're not real although okay

okay all right bring-bring put it in vain mmm reading over a

converting block oh okay

hello hello who's this hey um no we don't want any no I'm a reporter for the

Phillip Phillip Philadelphia Inquirer oh my god I okay what why so anyway um we

just got some startling news and I just we just want to get a quote from your you're a guy that you are associate is a

weight associated with I'm sorry I'm uh what what is he to me he's as somebody that you do you work with oh my gob Ely

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah anyway um

they just found um parts of his body just he's dead he chopped him up and

they put him in a dumpster Jesus and then one dumpster was in front of a baby PF Changs the other one was behind a man

Express if we have no idea what the court connection is but why are you laughing sir I'm not yeah and they found his foot in a la

Alejandro's desk whoa yeah Wow that's terrible yeah so how do you feel do you

have any quotes or uh yeah I got a couple of quotes um I mean just off the top of my head I

guess a fork in the road emerged and I took the one less traveled no I I really

do I love Bobby very much it doesn't sound your emotion no no I mean it I mean it I mean it I did love

him very much he was great he was a wonderful dude a very very good comic and I'm gonna miss him very much and I

think it's sad I think it's sad that he's gone now and can never really tell his truth but you know what's that

what's that what's his truth is that what you said look you know because let

me say something he was into bestiality but he had sex with all of his animals okay put that in the paper that's that's how they reverse

sneeze they begin reverse sneezing when you put you it when you put your Pippi in there but that's how they reverse sneeze I wouldn't be so sad if I got

that real man yeah I'd be so sad if you were gone yeah I don't want literally be just be like I would literally just be

like well you'd be still be playing yeah

I'll be playing yeah yeah III you're trying to upgrade my armor by the way somebody told us that Witcher was on

your phone or started was on your phone you said no it's not yeah it is yeah but it's not the kind of I'll get mad at the

version the version on your phone can't be as complex as the actual console one okay okay tell me about this year hold

on police show photos crystal meth and hotel room where Andrew Gilliam was found a drew Gilliam is the he's the guy

who's running for former Democratic candidate for Florida governor this guy this is party boy dude check this out

and this is my favorite [ __ ] crystal meth was found in there mm-hmm look at this [ __ ] he Dyson said he was a

porn star performer solicited business as a gay male escort party but look at how many drugs look at how fun this is here's what was in there

citalopram gaba laughs Anton xanax a vial containing mixture of pepper Veen

phentolamine alla Prasad ill and a combo used to treat erectile dysfunction oh my

this stupid you know what any of those are except for xanax I know what xanax is I know what no I don't know any

offense Allah mean mentally mean add a prosody alla prosody oh yeah oh oh this

is a combination used to treat but all these they put together to treat limp-dick yeah that probably uh well the

what it's not because he has mental disorder is that math affects your yeah you're able to [ __ ] like a champ

you can [ __ ] but it you kits are difficult to get hard when you're on meth so these things combined get you

hard it's like it when people do like you know people drink and they get sleepy yeah this isn't combined it with

cocaine or they put you know they drink vodka Red Bull vodka Red Bull or something like that

to even out I know but that sounds like a lot of cocktail of drugs so like even out one did he die no dude he's alive oh

yes this guy's alive why is it news they busted him with up because they released all these photos of meth they were like what happened to this guy who's running

for governor he got busted in a hotel room he said he was at a wedding that's my favorite thing is when they were like oh no I was just had a wedding having

some fun I ended up in a hotel room none of that stuff is mine look at all these [ __ ] pills do my neighbor used to throw pill parties in West Hollywood

[ __ ] pill parties like ha he would throw but he would not like this to it you didn't like it like this that's Joe

Joe asked Joey Diaz no no what I'm telling you is he would have game game effed out [ __ ] yeah he would know [ __ ]

all hours of the night he would have guys coming and going and coming to going to by the dozens I mean dude would

be coming and going and they would be [ __ ] and partying yeah till five six seven eight in the morning I love that and the only reason

I know is because I would come home late from the store and I see them and he kind of had a few moments with me like

hey you're cool right like you're not a snitch and I was like yeah I'm not a snitch I just don't want I don't I don't

want people coming at 5:00 in the morning on I mean yeah like 2 a.m. is fine 3 look let me say this is my PSA if

you're gonna have if you live in a gay neighborhood you want math [ __ ] parties that's chill but on weeknights

can you keep it to like 3:00 a.m. 4:00 and 6:00 a.m. I can hear you guys [ __ ] abandoned Bing well I was noting

his lap I was because I was only straight guy in my comp and you know what my old Italian my old Italian

landlord the funniest thing on earth when I go to look at the apartment she goes she's a Nunzio that was her name

she goes you're uh you're the Santino I said yeah I'm saying here she goes you're not italiano

I said no no I am but my father is I just I am my mother's Irish you us Oh only half and I said yes only half and

she goes okay well here is the apartment and I go oh this is really nice and I look around

and I like it and I go this is pretty great I would love to take this apartment and she and she go I'm not kidding she goes how did you do it gay

yeah I was like no no I'm not I'm not

getting you really that's good yeah but

you seem gay to your people probably yeah and then I said no I'm not going she goes yeah everyone here is a gay it's in middle of

West Hollywood yeah I go yeah no I like the neighborhood's close to comedy clubs that's where I work so I wanted to stay close to comedy clubs and she goes okay

good well this is good for you this apartment is good for you it's a good for me you seem nice and I was like god

I can't believe somebody would give this apartment up not making this up this is a fact I have proof of this she goes the

men who live here before he died and I go oh really oh my god that's terrible

was he an older man she goes no he was young he had two aides she said it like

no big deal yeah he was young he had two aids so the longer Tiki is over there I

mean it was no big deal to her and I'm in Sochi cuz you have to disclose you if somebody dies in the apartment you know this yeah I know that yeah he died in

the apartment of AIDS you had an AIDS ghost yeah at AIDS ghosts yeah my um you know La Jolla yeah

you know the condo Oh you ever seen that condo all the time I mean back then back in the day yeah well

we were struggling and there's a there is a edged into one of the cabinets is Bob Bobby Lee as a homo somebody wrote

that in there probably they're really yeah that's out - etched in there in one of the drawers or whatever it may be yeah not

but in the late 90s I used to MC there and Mitzi paired me up with Stephen

Moore I don't know who that is you don't know him you know he has HIV and another gay guy named Brian Bradley

you don't know and Brad Bradley used to used to do an improv troupe with Robin Williams Wow

so they they all come from the zoo in San Francisco so anyway Brian Bradley and and we're in the condo late at night

and they go you wouldn't hear a story about this condo and I go yeah I like

history and like uh in 82 right Stephen

you were there Steve oh yeah I was there we had about 150 men here and we did a

hundred fifty man train in sync like

through the rooms they were just like it like it like like what's that movie where they were you with the human

centipede very long centipede Wow yeah

and we were just like we would say out loud pop and they would all pump together right no pump together right it

was just like a wave of dicks going drunk that it was just we just came all over everything

although the sheets and the you're right and I remember the next night I didn't stay there nobody slept on the [ __ ]

beach yeah yeah yeah it was I I couldn't touch anything that place you there well that place used to be no you're the one

it was blue with carpet it's calm 20 year old come yeah it was Wow

yeah I mean what fun all my could if I was gay yeah you know was there oh my

god would have been I would've been in the middle no yeah oh no the Train see I think you're closer to the back

wait what does it matter unless they need someone they need someone who's low to the ground who's got good center of gravity yeah to push

the train forward the caboose is who was the strongest and you got a lot of I don't I also know if I was going might

not like the anal part of it what would you want to be the one you want I'll be the caboose the very end so I have no

one else I'm saying what you give I will see the one yelling out do three two one all right three do it

we're all pumped together right I think a bobber you want to get the middle of the caboose in the front yeah no I'm in

the dead middle I want it both that you wouldn't yeah

you would only give you wouldn't receive the Human Centipede what uh what how great what do you mean

how long we see the human centipede oh my god what it is is these just if you

haven't seen it you should see it yeah by the way all the criticism that we get from the show that's saying Rudy's too young to hear any this stuff

Tito Bobby is the one that elicits all this information to her and she's also um 80 18 years old

yeah it is still quite young it's still quite young she's right in the cusp of being far too young it doesn't matter

like you know the term barely leaves ready yeah she's ready ready sure yeah go ahead it's a movie called her family

and to me it's a real real movie and he's pleased I forget the gist but it's these two girls that are out in the

Europe yeah partying yeah and they get captured by some German surgeon

always Nazis yes some crazy German surgeon and basically what they do is he does is he surgically puts one of the

woman's mouth tied to a Japanese man's [ __ ]

right so she's like like just surgically his [ __ ] showed like so yeah and then

her friend is in the back of her surgically right her and they walk

around like a human centipede isn't that what just the gist of it that's it yeah

you like that you like that rude is that cool yeah and then the Japanese guys the smartest

one of course I remember he went right

and he some glass and he killed himself yeah he knew better I would kill myself too yeah hey speaking of gay stuff can I

show you something yeah you know Theo you know Theo von we know Theo von you know Theo von a man Theo vinyl LP oh yeah hey my steez yep

Theo Theo has a producer Gianni do you know Gianni Paolo I love him he's

done my part sexy dude right love oh good actor so he was joking around with me and he we were supposed to do something for him today

but we didn't do it but he was joking around with me and was like you know I'm

gay stuff like that and I was like okay yeah Jionni's gay mm-hmm I don't well

look it he sent me this and you tell me okay tell me if this is gay yeah this is

a real dildo Santino I'm gay it's out of

nowhere it wasn't a competition or anything he just sent it to him would he do that I don't know I think he's on

meth yeah he's he's a really hit me be good he's always been kind of you know

kind of out of nowhere he sent this to me wasn't that weird though that's very strange to send this like what that dildo looks like a banana it's real

though he'd say he said it's really cuz you're way a bet look at how it bends when it hits his butt yeah yeah watch here oh you know what you don't like I

saw I'm gay you know what I just saw what is he doing is it the work what do you mean he started going up and down he

bounces yeah he knows what he's doing I like it when they the girls do that if I

do the work I don't like it when you push up yeah yeah he does the work do you do is that is that a big problem you

and you know em again there you are when you push up you don't like pushing up when claw is on top of me what I do is I

go I'll whisper in it you're a little bit and she just like you know her ass

and I'll just be like I just be like oh Jesus Rudy put close your ears oh yeah I don't

give a [ __ ] it's quarantine and it's like I said are you guys going nuts because of it hey tell me this how are you you talked

about your dreams at the beginning I'm interested for real do you have have you been having like violent dreams I've had

really weird weird dreams but not negative they're not violent they just

you know it's like they just don't make any really a sense give me today last night I had a dream where we received vampire eggs oh yeah I

sent us to you know and then I remember going what are these and then kalila going in the drain their vampire eggs

yeah I go I use it the chicken that's the vampire or human I don't get it the human beings and then we cut to we live

in a stone house this is not funny because I'm just telling you exactly I want to hear it yeah so we live in a stone house which is not what our house

looks like I remember being in this gigantic kind of garden II backyard yeah somehow behind a bush smoking and kalila

squatting yeah squatting yeah and kalila is talking to some scientist or

biologist about vampire eggs oh wow and then he starts going into a story about

some Puerto Rican girl who lost her all her money or something and then I

remember thinking to myself we have this wooden vacuum cleaner that I found right

it's like an ancient wooden vacuum cleaner that we found yeah and then I remember thinking myself should we give it to the Puerto Rican girl for her to

sell mm-hmm that she can make the money yeah so then it all shifted to the wooden vacuum cleaner well that is the

focus yeah right and then all of a sudden that was it that was a dream what do you think that means I don't know but when I woke up you know when you have a

dream like that you wake up you go sense yeah but that but I like it

yeah but it's like just abstract and weird what in vacuum cleaner must mean something

it wasn't yeah it was a vacuum cleaner but it was like in a wooden kind of bamboo thing and you would lift it up it

was solid wood and then but it was Ange yeah like back in then that's what they used is it what they used I don't know

yeah I don't think that was it and then the vampire eggs went away they disappeared it just wasn't in a part of

the dream anymore it was like almost as like part 2 of a movie and then the second one didn't make any sense I had

one of those where I kept entering different rooms the other day you know when you like walk it I've walked into a room in my head it was in my house but

it looked nothing like my house it looked like a like an old you know like uh you remember do you remember the

first season of Westworld oh oh love do you remember the house that she lives in that you know I'm talking about it it

was like that like out in the middle of nowhere but I remember thinking I had to get in I had to get in one of the rooms

to find my dog I was like that's for my dog yeah yeah and when I walked into the room in the house no dog no room I'm not

I'm not there at all I'm like outside of a storefront and it's raining and there's like a and I'm underneath the

awning and I'm looking out suspiciously because I think something's chasing me yeah yeah but like I wish I could wake

myself up and be like where's the do the dog is still gone yeah the [ __ ] I wanted to see the dog get to the fourth door

front I have no idea but it was rain it was pouring down rain and I think that it was from and I said this when I woke

up I said you know what the storefront felt like the night I hit a guy with my car maybe was my brain react sizing I

hit a guy with my car when it's pouring rain and I like one of those that believe that dreams tie into reality

yeah there's a sort of subconscious thing what do you mean that's literally what it is it's your brain firing synapses going back and forth and

gathering pieces or it could be my brain that I got a little David Lynch in my brain there is a little dinner what a

direct a movie you're a David Lynch in your own brain yeah well whatever right but I'm saying it takes pieces of reality together okay number one I've

never I don't know what a vampire egg is yes you do that's never been a thing a vampire egg

is it's absolutely a thing vampires lay eggs how do you think you get more vampires Rudy please Rudy please yeah

but you're taking pieces of things from your life yeah but that doesn't make it so I don't know anything about that and

then I play any video games with vampires in them oh you know what's so funny mm-hmm in in stardew valley

there is an egg yeah it's a it's it's they're called void eggs void eggs and that's what the eggs look like like

vampire right yes they were black they're black eggs with like red like it's kind of glowing yeah so maybe

that's where I got that from that's right they come from somewhere right but then the wood and vacuum cleaner I don't know well I think you you wish you

were okay I would say it's because you wish you were cleaner you wish you could clean better I don't know man it's stretch and you're Asian so it's bamboo

wooden and I think that's got to be

there's got to be something there yeah dreams are reflection of some part of our reality Rudy do you have crazy

dreams you do I'm not gonna explain any of them it's gonna be one word it's fine

explain a dream that you had give us a dream get closer to the [ __ ] it was a

violent violent yeah like what get closer to the mic don't back away

killing whoa really really take the mic from the thing so you can hold it that

way it doesn't have to be in that stand you can take it out yeah yeah yeah rip it just pull it out just just get

culture to the mic all right okay yeah wait tell me don't get close to the bike don't go away you killed somebody

tell us yeah you don't would sway your mic just keep your mouth right where the mic is she's like swaying her [ __ ]

thing cuz she doesn't want to talk here pull up on just pull up it'll come out just pull up on the mic it'll come right out of that sand there you go yeah tell

us yeah I don't know I just I'm in a place and then I see a lot of people

yeah and then I just see a knife and then I just start stabbing you just

stabbed random people yeah why why are you doing that I don't know do you feel

it do you feel like remorse or anger as you're doing it like are you mad when you're doing you're just doing go why am I doing this I don't like I don't want

to do it I'm like happy you're happy you're put the mic back on the thing put

that mic back of the thing oh my god what do you do Billy why do I kill in my

dreams I want to know what's wrong dreams okay love dreams of murder may signal real-life aggression people who dream about murder may be more

aggressive during what way controversial new study finds the researchers were funded people a dream of killing others tend to be hostile

introverted and often don't get along with others when they're awake well I have to say this she is a little

introverted in the house but are you hostile is she no she's the kindest girl like I know so we think no no at nights

mm-hmm I have my five in the morning meal and it's usually a greasy pan yeah

with like meat stuck to the pan right and she wakes up to like this chaos like

a mad scientist yeah a meat pie right gross and she every morning I don't ask her she just cleans it that's really

nice she does all the dishes she wipes down counter that's what this is what this is as she's cleaning she's like I'm

going to kill Bobby one day tell me tell me another dream so we could try to dissect where it's

coming in because you're not an angry person what's another dream that you've had it's not really happy dreams oh no are

they always sad yeah and like someone is chasing me

who's chasing you it's like tall it's like a slender man Oh slender man is

chasing you why am I being chased in my dreams let's find out what this one says yeah if you're dreaming about being

chased it generally means you are avoiding an issue or a person your subconscious is telling you you need to confront the issue and or the person in

order to get on with your life look at as a Slenderman right there that's you getting chased by Slenderman Slenderman

one of the most important factors in a dream is where you're being chased or who is chasing you where are they chasing you the woods yeah and then what

and where are you like where are you going to do they ever get you no but I'm stuck like you can't like you can't get

up yeah oh I hate those I hate the slow running oh god I want to run fast but you're going have you ever punched in

your dream oh yeah yeah and you can't punch it was a physic you're punching who jello does that happen to you no so

when you stab can you stab at your own rate or is it like slow you know it's but it's not it doesn't feel like it's

resistance it feels like you can actually stab them yeah oh my god you have like a little demon

human in your house you got it you might have to go back to the Philippines what do you think how much her fly said the Philippines right now do you think I

don't even get there really it's not even that is that anything like that if she wants to come back she's not gonna

be able to come back but you think we can book other flight flight from LA eggs to the Philippines look LAX to the

Philippines let's see what we've got on the docket to Manila non-stop for $900 Jesus he lives in Cebu it doesn't matter

she can walk there's Islands you [ __ ] oh really you can't walk to an island you walk to the

end and then you swim to the next island we could put you on Korean air one stop

yeah eight hundred and forty four dollars should we buy it right now no no no this is a return we don't want to

become problem is and Rupe the problem is is because of the present that we have yeah they are coming back to

America if she wants to come back to go back to school right she's not gonna be able to do it it's 19 I don't like

little Filipinos because it's 98 degrees outside today it is yeah yeah we can't

put the aircon on we're gonna put the Erica we're gonna put the air on in a second okay because I think we can hear it well I want to elicit a competition

for everybody cuz Bobbi brags about his house and somebody hit me up online it was like Bobby always brags about his house what does it look like show your

house at Bobby's and obviously never gonna show his house that would be foolish when did I brag about my house just last

episode you were like I got a big you everybody knows gotta talk it's it's a I'm kidding it's I'm gonna be honest

with you I want everybody to draw someone to draw a 3d drawing with you is

it you want Sebastian's house right Rudy mascot oh my god how big was that house

very big right yeah it's like 50 million dollars or something right so let me ask you something what how many times bigger

you think Sebastian house than my arse ten times ten times this is coming from

a murderer by the way I know no Whitney Cummings right bigger her house is probably five

to five or six and literally five or six times bigger than mine yeah it's very big daliyah's five or six times bigger

w has seven houses now I know so that was my point yeah I have one [ __ ] house one nice house what it's okay I

want people to draw the house what they think it looks like so people send in your drawings to what you think it looks like yeah

bad friends mail at gmail.com because I really want to see what they think your house what does your house look like extremely modest ranch one it's just a

one Hubley bedrooms seventeen how many bedrooms three are this three as well

how many bathrooms three ours is 3 as well you have four bathrooms kalila said 3 right 3 pool hot

tub we have a pool dealer pool yeah yeah send the same as yours ok alright son but you're in that you're in

the Hollywood Hills alright look people send in your

drawings I want to see what you guys think the house looks like and also if anybody out there knows what dreams mean

yeah can you please let us know what what what's wrong with Rudy's dreams and we can dissect them next week cuz I really want to find out I love you say

goodbye ready thank you for being a bad friend [Music]

you