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Tito Debate Election 2020 | Ep 38 | Bad Friends

November 02, 2020 / 01:13:31

Video

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you two are bad friends who are these

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two idiots a white dude and an Asian

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dude you two are

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disgusting you two or something we're

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bad

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friends Bobby was late it's an

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update you're late every day it pisses

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me off and that's why I'm always mad

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you're so late late to the show I'm not

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always late you're late every we film

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you're late every time we film B without

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fa single time yeah bro yes you're too

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early that's your problem so he being on

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time too early no no no what you do is

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you come here like 20 minutes before so

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it seems like longer what you do is you

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come 20 minutes before to set up the

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show to make sure that everything is in

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order so then when we shoot that but

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it's all about perception and time it's

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all about it's all about uh right Jules

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no don't don't don't don't don't what do

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you mean it's all about per and time

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it's how you perceive it and how you

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live your time swing in the and that

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one's way outside Bobby no I live in the

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moment yeah and the moment is the time

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we're supposed to shoot live in that

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moment and be on it right but we're here

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now in the moment shooting late but

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other people have we have stuff to do

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you know what do you have to do I have

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to go to a thing this evening what thing

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a another co party I'm watching a

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another coover party I'm watching a

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Premiere tonight are you in it m what is

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it Davey plus two no that's FX the

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season is about to start and it's FXX

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thank you very much let's not make fun

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of my show I'm not making fun of your

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show I'm just saying what kind [ __ ]

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Premier you the way you say it the way

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you say Davey you're on Magnum PI is

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Magnum PI the cool show to be on I'm

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gous you are Galos yeah good to see you

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boop no no no no no because what you

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because what you don't understand go

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ahead is that I woke up right in a fury

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why when I called you no because I we

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have Construction in the house because

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of the floor yeah so there's Buzz saws

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going dogs barking you know crazy I

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can't find my keys and then all of a

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sudden like I'm spilling drinks because

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I'm looking for and things are splashing

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all over the [ __ ] place and you know

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there's tension check it out check it

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out just let me finish yeah there's

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tension right I run down right I you

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know what I I go baby get me Starbucks

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she orders me Starbucks right M I run

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down and I'm like maybe I'll just maybe

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going in front of juwels downstairs

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right cuz she's in school right it'll

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make me feel better so I go in there and

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she just gives me [ __ ] judge eyes you

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know what I mean like judge EO eyes

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she's just like everything I'm like I'm

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OJ guilty yeah guilty right and so then

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I'm playing war zone and then like I

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can't get no kills I'm just like

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I'm just dying out there man and then

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all of a sudden like you know then the

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Starbucks is late and we're supposed to

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go here and I go should I get my coffee

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and have my little sandwich or should I

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come to Mel Nish to this podcast I come

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nourish check it out yeah check it

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out we called I talk to you at

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2 2:30 okay you had an hour and a half

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mhm to put food in your body okay but

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and to get here on time I didn't tell

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but you wanted tell the story right I

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didn't tell the story right so

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everything was just a lie what you just

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said no no there's one little thing that

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I forgot forgot to mention is it an

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important detail really huge and why'd

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you leave it out because I just want to

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get through the [ __ ] story oh so the

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important things you should take out

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yeah okay so what's the one thing that

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you didn't right so that Starbucks

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wasn't the first

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option when I came down there right

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right to your room time out how long did

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you play war zone for

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we were waiting for let me just finish

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my point okay so when I came down there

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what what did I say was coming first

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initially sandwich no burrito oh burrito

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did I say burrito yeah okay thank you so

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I go we ordered burritos from kofax yeah

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love breakfast Brios great right yeah

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great so then I started playing war zone

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and I'm I'm texting Kila you can see the

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text where is it we have to go right and

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then she goes it's coming we're waiting

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and and then all of a sudden she says

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they [ __ ] canel the

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order because it was a breakfast burrito

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and you ordered it at 2 p.m. I don't

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know but that could be it I don't know

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what it is and you might have a point

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but that's

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irrelevant it's irrelevant right what

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whatever the reasons why they canceled

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it they canceled it sure right so I'm

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like now it's like we're supposed to be

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here four now it's like

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345 and I'm like I can't podcast without

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coffee and I need to get some Nutri in

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my body because I'm a human being and

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that's what I [ __ ] drive on could

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have some food at the house could no

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because could have some food around the

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house the construction is

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what um they're blocking the fridge yes

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so so I can't go up there because and it

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has nothing to do with their race or

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anything Hispanics up there oh boy

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that's what it is you don't like to be

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around Mexicans no that's what I love

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them you get nervous I love them sing

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I'm [ __ ] I'm the one with the [ __ ]

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spices man they you go upstairs the

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spices and you're like no I don't so I

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can't go up there and it's like um so

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we're late all right but there's a

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reason why all that other [ __ ] you just

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talked about was that not it yeah those

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are the reasons those are the reasons

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yeah yeah so I think that in a court of

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law that I would win mm oh yeah oh yeah

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no way oh yeah yeah yeah there's no way

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in the court of law I would win all

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right well I got you a gift anyway for

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what

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because I got you two gifts because

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we're concerned about your sleep

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patterns and I hear you Brea the fans

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have noted that you're breathing so they

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can hear how you breathe in the mic yeah

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and they're concerned a lot of people

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hear fluttering within your lungs people

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are getting concerned we've had a lot of

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fans WR in medical fans have said I work

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in the medical field Bobby sounds a

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little sketchy when he breathes so

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breathe through your nose into the mic

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go

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ahead they're

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worried so we got you two things I'm

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getting you help by the way I'm getting

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you a sleep apnea coach we're going to

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as going to be on next week okay but

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I've got you two things that I'd like

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you to try on now this is an anti-

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snoring chin strap the white

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one let's see if that

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works see if it see if it maybe helps a

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little bit with your breathing

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technique these chin straps are are from

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uh from Amazon they were the cheapest

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one I could find so I don't know if

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they're and they're made in Wuhan China

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I don't know where that is or if that's

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a good spot to come from but that's what

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these are made you play the wide part I

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already know how to use these before you

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used it yeah then put the other part

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behind your head to unstrap the

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Bop are you

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snoring no this is perfect working these

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are great well there's a black one too

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but we also got you one more thing as a

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gift this is from the crew here at bad

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friends this is a twoin one anti-

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snoring and an air purifier this is

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actually very dope this came highly

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recommended you put this in your schnaz

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you won't snore it'll help you not have

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sleep apnea stuff and on top of it

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you're bre you're filtering out all the

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stuff that's in the air here in Los

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Angeles we have crappy air you know so

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throw that in your schnaz and let's see

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what that does we have really bad air

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have you ever seen the dust outside when

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you look at the furniture isn't it

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disgusting yeah it's gross this would

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mean this would mean this would mean

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this would mean that I would have is

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that Dusty back home this would mean I

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would have the Philippines yeah is it

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Dusty in the Philippines it's bad I

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would I would have every hole in my Bo

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in my face covered if I have this

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correct cuz I covered my eyes my ears

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and now my nose I think oh I have one

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more I have one more hole my

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mouth well yeah but we're going to put s

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dick dicks in your mouth yeah night yeah

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we're going to put a sleep apnea machine

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in your mouth you could could put the

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dick in your butt what is this you can

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still put the dick in your butt go ahead

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put it up your schnaz and see how it

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works now breathe into the mic let's

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hear it hello no no breathe with your

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nose how much smoother does that sound

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dude this is going to change your life

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no but why I I I don't I don't first of

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all I don't hear a difference there's a

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huge difference I I I'm fine with my

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nasal pass way but you don't know what's

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really going on boob of course I do I'm

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the one that's living in it you barely

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know what's going on with your body I

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know exactly what's going on with my

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body you do it's a good machine it's a

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bad machine it's a broken machine it's

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an old xerox machine we need to fix it

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yeah but it's not I'm not going to die

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oh don't know am I going to die is that

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what they're people are [ __ ] EMA

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mailing us that I'm going to die people

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are saying they're concerned about your

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sleep your sleep habits because it's

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really dangerous how people die so much

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younger when they when they have sleep

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apnea when they can't get good sleep

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when they when they stay up too late and

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their body isn't on a good time schedule

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this is how people die

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young okay I'll keep it in then it

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sounds good it does honestly it sounds

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like you're getting full full filtered

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air in

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there you feel

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that it's smooth right I I literally am

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dizzy because you're getting so much

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oxygen no no no I'm like I'm about to

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faint don't faint

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[Music]

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okay should I keep it in I think you

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should take it out no I'm going to keep

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it in keep it in I'll keep it in look

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it's going to help you tremendously okay

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and who are the who okay who are these

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doctors people from the internet yeah

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internet doctors internet doctors so

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what are they saying on the they're

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saying that they're they they're saying

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that when they're listening to the

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[ __ ] podcast they can hear me breathe

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yeah they can hear you breathe through

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your Shaz and it sounds it sounds like

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you're not getting enough oxygen you

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don't know your body what's your what

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kind of body fat percentage do you have

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do you think 4.5 over the Redux of my

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body fat really yeah I'm going to get a

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body fat at measuring machine and I

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guarantee you're like 20 or 30 you're

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like you're almost 30% body fat pie over

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[ __ ] grams put your arm out to the

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side put your arm straight out right

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here man all right jiggle

00:10:18

it like this do it like that look at

00:10:21

that [ __ ] you there's nothing here

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there's no muscle that's like a there's

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no muscle but there's no fat yeah there

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is look on the underside look at all

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that fat wiggling down there it's no

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that's not SK I come from a big skin

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family you guys have a lot of skin we

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have longer skin and we have more skin

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genetically from my family okay yeah but

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there's no fat no fat there's fat in my

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stomach but anywhere else doesn't it

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doesn't exist okay well I hope this

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works at least this I think is a good

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start I'll try tonight though I think

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you should honestly so this what is this

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going to do it's going to open up your

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nasal passages right it's going to get

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more air flow that's why you feel like

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fainting cuz you're actually probably

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getting a lot of oxygen in your blood

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I'm a little high right now it's cool

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that's cool yeah you do get a little

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Stone from Air yeah yeah have you ever

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had an oxygen machine have you ever had

00:11:06

like a have you ever been in the

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mountains before Oh I'm a mountain man

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no you're not oh [ __ ] yeah where'd you

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go Big Bear Mammoth okay okay okay um

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Mammoth is good Mammoth is up there m

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mount solidad mount solidad yeah most

00:11:20

mount solidad when did you go to m

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solidad there's one in La Hoya oh that's

00:11:24

not no there's one in Mexico that I'm

00:11:26

think that you're not you didn't mon

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solad is like a hill yeah it's Mountain

00:11:30

but it's called Mount solad I promise

00:11:32

you that yes that's true right yeah

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there's there's a high school called

00:11:34

Mount Carmel it's not on a mountain I

00:11:36

know but it's still uphill sure it's up

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a hill yeah it's up and you're elevated

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okay yes it's a mountain it's not a

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mountain but I'm just saying they call

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it Mount solidad I'm just giving you

00:11:46

facts yeah but that's not a mountain I

00:11:48

need to know mountains if you okay Fiji

00:11:50

and Fuji Fiji Water Fuji water yeah yeah

00:11:53

I know I drank Mount Fiji Water on Mount

00:11:56

Fuji did you really yeah that's kind of

00:11:58

fun that's really good you just it's

00:11:59

gonna get more oxygen in your blood it's

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gonna help you sleep better and it's

00:12:02

filtering the air so then if Kila if

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kalila lets one rip at night or one of

00:12:06

the dogs you won't be able to smell it

00:12:09

yeah or you or you if you can't if you

00:12:11

don't want to smell your body this

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really has me really concerned though

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man this is kind of freaking me out same

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to us that's why we're doing this no but

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do I really need to go to a doctor and

00:12:18

get a [ __ ] we're getting a guy on on

00:12:20

I have to do a test that's what my

00:12:22

doctor said he's going to he's going to

00:12:23

analyze everything up front and and find

00:12:25

out how if you really need to come in

00:12:28

and get a machine

00:12:29

yeah but I think he's going to find out

00:12:31

that yeah you're drinking 87 ounces of

00:12:33

coffee you're still smoking you're

00:12:34

drinking Red Bull your diet consists of

00:12:37

pizza boogers and you

00:12:41

know yeah Korean

00:12:43

barbecue yeah I mean what was last time

00:12:45

you had just a

00:12:47

salad for real Monday maybe but was a

00:12:50

salad with fixing on

00:12:52

it it was a pizza salad pizza salad yeah

00:12:55

okay that makes sense well it's a pizza

00:12:58

right with the sauce but they put salad

00:12:59

on

00:13:00

top they really do I know it's really

00:13:03

good yeah yeah Pizza salad's fine yeah

00:13:05

yeah and then we I love um is um

00:13:09

carbonara a salad carbonara is not a

00:13:11

salad no it's delicious though sure can

00:13:13

we admit that yeah it also it fills you

00:13:17

up sure does it gives you energy no I

00:13:19

don't know if it gives you energy yeah

00:13:21

there's I like Carbono a lot you don't

00:13:23

know if that's a salad and um pen with

00:13:26

carbonara I'm sure that's not a salad p

00:13:29

is a pasta yeah yeah but it is um it's

00:13:31

really good yes I also like

00:13:35

um what fruits do I like I like um

00:13:39

blueberries okay bananas bananas are

00:13:42

good for you yeah I like peanut butter

00:13:44

with my banana though same you do I put

00:13:47

peanut butter on my waffles too I had

00:13:48

blueberry waffles this so what I'll do

00:13:49

is I'll chop up maybe five bananas mhm

00:13:54

and then I'll stick like three um

00:13:57

spoonfuls of peanut butter okay and then

00:14:01

I'll drench it with

00:14:03

honey yeah and then I'll make two

00:14:06

gigantic pieces of toast and I'll take

00:14:09

all that and chunk it you know what I

00:14:10

mean mhm and is that a salad yes okay

00:14:14

that's a salad yeah yeah byad probably

00:14:16

by by proxy by proxy yeah it's near it's

00:14:19

near Enough by salad yeah take that out

00:14:21

of your nose will you do it tonight for

00:14:23

real will you really try it tonight and

00:14:24

sleep with that in the chin strap will

00:14:26

you lick this mhm no no be honest you

00:14:29

know what let me ask you this all right

00:14:31

that's an old Korean custom right it

00:14:35

really is I trust I trust nothing the

00:14:36

Koreans have done I understand that but

00:14:38

you know what it would mean a lot to me

00:14:39

and it would make me laugh you want me

00:14:40

to make me laugh yeah you want to make

00:14:42

me laugh mhm you would make me cackle

00:14:44

laughing if I could make George lick

00:14:46

that no if you licked the tip of tips of

00:14:48

these right now like stick this in your

00:14:50

mouth yeah right now I just got over a

00:14:53

Corona virus you want me to get a new

00:14:55

virus you you I I twice SARS okay so um

00:15:01

but I'm you know I mean I'm on

00:15:03

antibiotics right it would make me laugh

00:15:05

are you on antibiotics right now why are

00:15:06

you on antibiotics I always take them

00:15:08

it's like a vitamin for me that's so

00:15:09

they're so bad for you oh [ __ ] I'll stop

00:15:12

they deplete your immune system oh [ __ ]

00:15:14

Bobby don't take antibiotics kiding I

00:15:15

don't take it could you lick this no

00:15:17

you're not yeah lick this I could see

00:15:19

you just throwing down a li the tips and

00:15:22

the fans will love it it's entertainment

00:15:24

the fans will love me licking your snot

00:15:27

uh device yeah yeah why don't you one of

00:15:29

these guys do it yeah get in here George

00:15:31

you [ __ ] you look it George George he he

00:15:35

he literally goes he just lefted nobody

00:15:38

sounds like you George it's you he just

00:15:40

left you know what Andrew um you're a

00:15:42

coward thanks okay okay I'll lick that

00:15:46

if on camera you lick my open

00:15:50

butthole on camera I will on camera yeah

00:15:54

yeah Moon there and you lick my open

00:15:55

tush and I'll lick that okay really for

00:15:59

laugh yeah I do anything for the fans I

00:16:02

know it's disgusting you know that right

00:16:04

I would do anything for the fans I think

00:16:05

it's hilarious right I'd have to put a

00:16:08

mask on no no no no no no I will I'll

00:16:10

stick my tongue out but I have to wear

00:16:11

the mask out no it's got to be tongue

00:16:13

it's got to be tongue to

00:16:14

Tush can I do something that's like

00:16:17

equivalent to this though I just feel

00:16:18

like you took it to a Next Level comedy

00:16:21

Elevate always no but it's a it's a

00:16:23

contract right yeah and my deal is

00:16:26

better than yours no no no the contract

00:16:28

is this it should be equal equal no cont

00:16:30

never equal why don't you do this right

00:16:32

why don't you stick a [ __ ] tissue in

00:16:33

your nose right swir it all around I'll

00:16:36

eat the tissue you lick the tip of this

00:16:39

so you guys are afraid to go out to eat

00:16:40

at restaurants yeah but you want me to

00:16:43

lick your nose cont that's right let's

00:16:45

be real okay let's be real George trying

00:16:46

to get away from that George we should

00:16:48

have made George do it what do we make

00:16:49

him let's have him do it or he's fired

00:16:52

do it or you're fired

00:16:53

George George get in here I'm I'm not

00:16:56

being real now George George lick the

00:16:58

tip of or you're fired you're

00:17:01

fired is that what you want you want to

00:17:04

be out on the street also I'll tell you

00:17:05

this George you're gonna get a lot of

00:17:06

fans lot of fans and you'll be punk rock

00:17:09

do you want to be punk rock or not think

00:17:10

steveo how cool is he think sto correct

00:17:15

thanks steo all right all right Bob um

00:17:17

he fired you're fired yeah what's up

00:17:19

okay so two weeks ago people know we put

00:17:21

up an ad about Riso Riso Soma audio

00:17:23

victims of George's laugh because

00:17:25

George's laugh is quite frankly a lot of

00:17:28

fans have complained well I've been it's

00:17:29

like I'm immune to it it's like when you

00:17:31

watch like you know a scary movie and

00:17:34

night like I've been watching um The

00:17:36

Haunted House of BL house what is that

00:17:38

called BL Hill House

00:17:41

BL man she just like BL Bean BL Manor BL

00:17:47

man whatever BL Manor yeah and you know

00:17:50

and there's a woman that just constantly

00:17:52

she has to cover the [ __ ] you know um

00:17:54

mirrors because she sees a ghost all the

00:17:56

time right but she's used to it

00:17:59

I'm used to George's laugh but if I

00:18:01

heard it for the first time I would

00:18:02

probably need trauma therapy right yeah

00:18:05

it's like so like you know heavy

00:18:07

invasive does it do anything to you I

00:18:10

like his laugh you do oh my God she's

00:18:12

crazy she's a crazy human being she's

00:18:14

like an insane a little insane person we

00:18:16

have in the studio yeah yeah well we had

00:18:18

put up that commercial I like his lap I

00:18:21

like a la we put up that commercial for

00:18:23

the victims to call the hotline it's a

00:18:24

real number some people used it um we've

00:18:27

got some uh some concerned these are

00:18:29

real fans who are actually very

00:18:30

concerned with what George's laugh has

00:18:32

done to them I'm going to play you guys

00:18:33

a couple of Clips

00:18:36

okay um here we go let's hear this

00:18:39

one George has caused my family to leave

00:18:42

me his annoying laughter has ruined my

00:18:44

life in every conceivable way it haunts

00:18:47

my dreams caused me to lose sleep at

00:18:50

night I lost my job my wife left me and

00:18:53

took our daughter and moved back home

00:18:54

with her family [ __ ] you George yeah

00:18:59

more please more these are real these

00:19:00

are from real people man I can't get it

00:19:02

out of my [ __ ] head every time I try

00:19:05

to go to sleep at night I just hear that

00:19:06

stupid son of a bitch's laughter it's

00:19:09

driving me insane man I punched my wife

00:19:12

in the throat the other day because she

00:19:14

laughed just almost identical to him but

00:19:17

then again maybe I'm just hearing it I

00:19:19

don't know she was asleep so I doubt it

00:19:22

great man I gotta make stop

00:19:26

though hello hello uh and calling a

00:19:30

bobie oh I could

00:19:33

hear I'm not going to hear no

00:19:38

[Laughter]

00:19:44

more please

00:19:47

help Rudy is that somebody that you know

00:19:50

that sounds like somebody you might know

00:19:52

yeah no I don't know you don't know who

00:19:54

that is no that's your mother that was

00:19:57

your mom that called honey yep George's

00:20:00

annoying laughter I was listening to the

00:20:02

podcast one day while driving and that

00:20:04

they just popped up out of nowhere wait

00:20:07

mom I'll change the your diaper now it

00:20:09

just popped up out of nowhere and it

00:20:12

honestly scared me I almost swer right

00:20:14

into a 14 wheer next to me he almost

00:20:16

killed me I should sue you're gonna get

00:20:18

sued George you're gonna get sued that

00:20:20

that message though was very good yeah

00:20:22

because in between he did a bit he did a

00:20:23

bit he's changing his mother's diaper

00:20:25

yeah yeah that was it was really nice

00:20:26

but when he says changing his mother's

00:20:27

diaper but he's yelling across room that

00:20:29

must mean they're reusing diapers he

00:20:30

must be cleaning it out right he's

00:20:32

another room for sure right yeah

00:20:35

right it was dist

00:20:38

disturbing um I mean I got the joke but

00:20:41

he would just Howl in the back

00:20:43

and [ __ ] me up man like I don't know

00:20:47

like where the [ __ ] is George

00:20:51

man George people are really Disturbed

00:20:55

honestly George this is bad George's

00:20:56

laughter has completely destroyed my

00:21:00

life I can't go to sleep at night I can

00:21:03

hardly wake up in the morning every time

00:21:05

I hear

00:21:07

laughter I'm always worried that George

00:21:09

might be somewhere near me and it's the

00:21:11

scariest thing ever I truly think I'm

00:21:14

suffering from emotional distress I need

00:21:16

your help I need your legal

00:21:18

representation so here's the deal we

00:21:20

have a law firm that people called and

00:21:22

you know you and I are both we both have

00:21:23

we passed the bar here in Southern

00:21:24

California oh yeah yeah I oh I passed

00:21:26

the bar in three states you have three I

00:21:28

only one yeah one in Nevada one here and

00:21:31

one in uh Delaware why Delaware it's the

00:21:34

smallest state it's the easiest bar to

00:21:36

get over easy to get slow to the ground

00:21:38

is it and not only that it's just easier

00:21:40

to get one there yeah they just want to

00:21:41

hand it to you yeah yeah you're a lawyer

00:21:43

there in Delaware yeah we got one more

00:21:44

call from someone who's very

00:21:47

concerned oh my God is this

00:21:50

real I'm not gonna lie I love George's

00:21:53

laughter hearing it in the background

00:21:54

you guys give pink dick too much [ __ ]

00:21:57

yes you don't know [ __ ] you idiot

00:21:59

[ __ ] meand Bob what kind of underwear

00:22:03

do you have on right now mandes it's the

00:22:04

only underwear I wear because it's uh

00:22:06

it's so comfortable I like the patterns

00:22:07

and designs and it's like I don't think

00:22:10

that I'll ever wear a different kind of

00:22:11

underwear I think meundies is the

00:22:13

underwear for life for me you know

00:22:14

whenever some people are like do they

00:22:16

even use any of those ads we both wear

00:22:18

meundies it's the only underwear that's

00:22:19

in my drawer because I threw away the

00:22:21

other ones CU other underwear have seams

00:22:23

on them they get uncomfortable they rip

00:22:25

they tear and they streak easily Bob and

00:22:27

these don't I also like to perform with

00:22:29

me undies they're just so comfortable

00:22:31

you moving around moving around and I

00:22:33

just you know if I I don't ever do this

00:22:35

but if I do take my pants off on stage I

00:22:38

also want to be fashionable up there

00:22:39

that's right that's right me feels like

00:22:41

you're sitting on a heaven Cloud all

00:22:42

right because it's so comfortable and

00:22:43

smooth and soft and nice think of how

00:22:45

much better you'd be feeling if your

00:22:46

aies were covered in pandas or sushi

00:22:48

rolls huh Bob what do you think about

00:22:50

that don't you think you feel I have

00:22:52

ones with raccoons on it I really like

00:22:54

raccoons we got to get you don't have

00:22:55

the sushi ones the sushi ones are my

00:22:56

favorite I eat them oh you ate your own

00:22:58

okay don't eat the meundies put them on

00:23:00

your body they have classic colors right

00:23:01

they have all the classic but they also

00:23:02

go ridiculous prints I've got pizza

00:23:04

parlor on mine I've got little pieces of

00:23:05

pizza and cheese uh and your tush and

00:23:08

your genitalia deserve the comfort that

00:23:09

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God Andrew this is the F my favorite

00:23:36

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00:23:38

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00:23:39

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00:23:42

used this um better help and um I do

00:23:45

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00:23:47

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it's not not even a Cris crisis line or

00:23:56

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00:23:58

counseling like done online but it's

00:24:00

been so helpful no it really has I use

00:24:02

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00:24:04

we're pretty open about our troubles and

00:24:06

look this is a great way it's much

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what's surprising about better help

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today they have tons and tons of people

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you can read all these reviews Bob and I

00:24:55

are big proponents on getting mental

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00:24:58

people are using this and you should too

00:25:00

we have our offer for our bad friends

00:25:01

listeners use it you want to talk to

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friends listeners get 10% off your first

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month at betterhelp.com bad friends I'm

00:25:12

tired of um people thinking that we're

00:25:15

being mean to people please they know

00:25:17

we're having fun yeah we're having fun

00:25:20

and um you know I have to be honest with

00:25:23

you George is not a good guy tell me

00:25:27

more well George and these are things

00:25:30

and I I you know when I first met George

00:25:33

yeah we had a meeting and um he says you

00:25:36

know these are things that um please

00:25:39

don't you know tell

00:25:41

people about my life about my history

00:25:44

and you did it right away no I've never

00:25:46

said it and I'm saying it here for the

00:25:47

first time oh okay yeah yeah uh he likes

00:25:51

well when he was a kid right he fondled

00:25:54

um

00:25:56

squirrels you know he really would

00:25:57

fondle squirrels really yeah yeah he

00:26:00

would well he was he's from the forest I

00:26:02

I understand right he from the woods he

00:26:04

raised in the wild right so he would

00:26:05

capture you know I mean but these aren't

00:26:07

just um adult squirrels these were kids

00:26:10

squirrels oh no yeah yeah yeah they

00:26:12

didn't have no they didn't have that

00:26:14

brown patch of hair down there and their

00:26:16

Squirrel Nuts haven't dropped yet yeah

00:26:17

they they're little drop no Squirrel

00:26:19

Nuts right and he used to lick his you

00:26:22

know finger like that right and like rub

00:26:24

even the penises rub it like this right

00:26:27

and and squir right and and he would rub

00:26:31

it hard right and one time two two

00:26:35

squirrel babies right he rubbed it so

00:26:37

much it started a little fire oh no

00:26:40

flames yeah he lit squirrels on fire by

00:26:42

rubbing their genitals yeah he rubbed so

00:26:44

like this so hard circular right so

00:26:46

that's number one and so that's you know

00:26:49

not illegal you still wanted to work

00:26:50

with the guy huh yeah he's very good

00:26:52

with numbers he is and he's very

00:26:54

proactive yes right so and the second

00:26:56

thing he did was um

00:26:59

he didn't there was an old lady yeah in

00:27:02

the forest that lived right and she had

00:27:04

52 bags you of Safeway bags full of

00:27:08

groceries one one for each week she like

00:27:10

to hoard she likes no she likes to hoard

00:27:13

right and get all her shopping done in

00:27:15

in for the year right I'm saying she has

00:27:17

one bag for a week exactly right yeah so

00:27:20

she's like George will you please help

00:27:22

me and he goes [ __ ] you [ __ ] or

00:27:24

something like that George yeah [ __ ]

00:27:26

right and so she was carry Mac

00:27:29

Truck she died she got hit by a Mac

00:27:32

Truck and then George's laugh at across

00:27:34

the street George did you laugh when old

00:27:36

lady 1 years old 17 years old ew dude

00:27:39

yeah um what are other Secrets here's

00:27:42

another secret um he was taking a [ __ ]

00:27:44

right in the forest right and he didn't

00:27:46

have any toilet paper so he wiped his

00:27:48

ass with the Bible whoa yeah Corinthians

00:27:52

dude Corinthians Corinthians new test

00:27:55

yeah new test old test yeah yeah yeah

00:27:56

yeah right you've heard you've heard

00:27:59

things correct I've heard so much bad

00:28:00

stuff about George in fact in fact here

00:28:02

here's what happened when we talked

00:28:03

about doing this show yeah we met uh we

00:28:06

met at uh a restaurant on Ventura yeah

00:28:09

uh in the neighborhood and I said to him

00:28:12

uh hey I'm going to be running uh a

00:28:13

little bit late because I have to go

00:28:15

right next door and grab something from

00:28:17

CBS he says I'll I'll just get us a

00:28:20

table you know yeah that's how he sounds

00:28:22

and he and he got us a table right and I

00:28:25

walk in on time actually so he thinks

00:28:27

I'm going to be two minutes late I'm

00:28:29

actually on time because it worked out

00:28:31

better I see the way he's talking to the

00:28:33

waitress I'm not kidding I'm not making

00:28:35

this up she's a little plump she's a

00:28:36

little a little thick she's probably 5

00:28:39

to you know 33 rot she's rotund right

00:28:43

she she look like violet board when she

00:28:45

blows up in Willy Wonka anyway George

00:28:49

looks her in the face I'm not joking he

00:28:51

goes I said club soda fat ass and she

00:28:54

starts crying and he goes yeah keep

00:28:56

crying maybe you'll lose some weight

00:28:58

maybe I swear to God he goes maybe

00:29:00

you're carrying around water weight and

00:29:03

so then I I I enter and I said George

00:29:05

what was that all about and he stumbled

00:29:07

Mr oh I left some to get my car he got

00:29:11

in his car he left so that's how he

00:29:12

treats people when we're not looking can

00:29:14

I tell you another he does please just

00:29:16

cuz you take a letter out of a like

00:29:17

racial you know I mean slur doesn't make

00:29:21

it right of course not like we were

00:29:22

driving right wee back you can't say we

00:29:26

back said we back that's what he said

00:29:27

yeah yeah

00:29:29

see he laughing he loves it yeah yeah

00:29:33

when I met when I met um when I met

00:29:35

George outside of your old place for the

00:29:37

first time when I first did Tiger belly

00:29:39

yeah uh you were like oh George will

00:29:41

come down and open up the gate and

00:29:42

George comes downstairs and I'm not

00:29:45

kidding he's got his penis out George

00:29:47

had his penis out and he's pushing in

00:29:49

the code for the gate with his penis I

00:29:51

bet yeah yeah yeah and and he's and he's

00:29:53

going like this to me smiling waving his

00:29:54

hands as I know I know I know I thought

00:29:58

for a second okay comedy world he gets

00:30:01

comedy this isn't this okay but then

00:30:04

this is insane I look across the street

00:30:06

what's across the street from your old

00:30:07

place an elementary school wow and he

00:30:10

wasn't waving at me he's waving at the

00:30:13

kids showing him the code well you know

00:30:16

I went we went to a pottery class uhhuh

00:30:19

George and I went to a pottery class

00:30:21

right and there's children old ladies

00:30:23

you know I mean a couple of black

00:30:26

people d as well right all kinds of

00:30:29

people everybody likes Pottery right

00:30:31

right and you're painting and he did the

00:30:33

same you know there's two a brush you

00:30:35

know because we we molded oh you did it

00:30:37

on the wheel we molded on the wheel

00:30:39

right we did it like the movie Ghost

00:30:41

right so he went right behind me right

00:30:43

and we're just doing it right and then

00:30:45

all of a sudden I'm like um is your dick

00:30:47

in my [ __ ] was it yes e his dick was

00:30:51

in my [ __ ] no approval by the way no

00:30:53

approval right and then after the

00:30:55

[ __ ] Pottery dry put in the oven and

00:30:57

whatnot right he painted it with his

00:30:58

dick oh my God right so it was just like

00:31:01

these like little dots from his the hole

00:31:04

like a little you know from a slip yeah

00:31:06

from the slip yeah I got to tell you I

00:31:08

don't approve rude do you like George at

00:31:09

all now that you now that you know the

00:31:11

secrets that we're not supposed to tell

00:31:13

yeah how do you feel yeah he's scary see

00:31:16

he is very scary very scary and he's not

00:31:19

a man that you want around you correct

00:31:20

and I'm going to tell you right now

00:31:21

Jules when he calls you o

00:31:26

right Jules and you're like what does

00:31:28

that mean I'm afraid to tell you what it

00:31:31

is but he always goes hey you o right

00:31:34

and I'm like yeah well he thinks it's

00:31:35

cute he goes hi ukie he think it's he

00:31:38

thinks it's like a fun term of

00:31:39

endearment it's like U I was afraid to

00:31:40

tell you what it meant and so I'm just

00:31:42

letting you know add whatever letter you

00:31:44

want in front of O I bet you could

00:31:46

figure it out yeah you could fill her

00:31:48

figure out it's not a vowel how about

00:31:49

that

00:31:50

yeah well anyway so George is a bad guy

00:31:53

but he's really good with numbers and

00:31:54

he's uh very um hardworking he's a

00:31:57

politician yeah he's very good uh

00:31:59

speaking of which it's

00:32:01

um it's election time and uh and I'll

00:32:05

tell you what I'm looking forward to

00:32:07

right now Kanye Kanye 2020 yeah yep we

00:32:10

want him to win president of course you

00:32:13

did yeah um here's the deal yeah we we

00:32:18

have a thing that we're about I'm

00:32:20

filling you in as we go we're going to

00:32:23

do best since we can't have a president

00:32:25

of the podcast right people say why

00:32:26

don't you guys do a presidential race of

00:32:27

the podcast I said no one can be the

00:32:29

president of the podcast because there's

00:32:31

three parties right you can't and there

00:32:34

has to be two only two parties so I

00:32:36

think she's kind of like the green party

00:32:38

she's the green right yeah okay and what

00:32:40

are you democrat and what am I

00:32:43

Republican you bet your ass yeah no but

00:32:46

the truth is we have to run against each

00:32:47

other and I think the we've decided to

00:32:50

make you and I are going to are going to

00:32:52

run Andreas has compiled some questions

00:32:54

for us okay and so does it debate uhhuh

00:32:57

oh [ __ ] because of the I didn't prepare

00:33:00

it doesn't neither did I but we're

00:33:03

running for we you you have debate

00:33:05

people that you practice with we're

00:33:06

running for best Tito okay best Tito and

00:33:09

and she's going to choose who's best

00:33:11

Tito do you

00:33:16

understand all right good evening from

00:33:19

the bad friend studio in Los Angeles

00:33:21

California I'm fancy B your moderator

00:33:24

and I'm welcoming to the first and only

00:33:27

B friend best American Tito debate of

00:33:30

2020 between Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew

00:33:35

the commission of very important debates

00:33:36

have decided the format four sections of

00:33:39

approximately four minutes each with one

00:33:42

minute of interrupted opening statements

00:33:44

from each candidate for the record the

00:33:48

candidates have not agreed to respect

00:33:49

any rules I have decided to topics and

00:33:52

the questions and I can assure you none

00:33:54

of the questions have been shared with

00:33:56

any of the candidates

00:33:58

as a precussion the candidates have

00:34:00

agreed not to shake hands at the

00:34:02

beginning of the

00:34:03

debate George has promised not to laugh

00:34:07

no noise except for now when we welcome

00:34:10

Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew yeah thank

00:34:13

you thank you very much thank you so

00:34:15

much thank you thank you good to be here

00:34:16

thank you so gentlemen a lot of people

00:34:18

have been waiting for this moment so

00:34:20

let's

00:34:21

start our first topic is house roles

00:34:25

Tito Bobby you have said you leave dirty

00:34:27

plates everywhere you have a drawer full

00:34:29

of ANS and you leave boogers in your

00:34:32

guest bedroom Tito Andrew you have

00:34:35

called your opponent disgusting and

00:34:37

accuse him of unsanitary practices you

00:34:40

prefer to have plastified unused

00:34:42

furniture and spotless

00:34:44

rooms why are you right in your opponent

00:34:46

run we start with you Tito Bobby um I am

00:34:49

right because um as we

00:34:52

know life is hard for some of us yes for

00:34:55

most no for you for for sure well for us

00:34:58

that struggle right and know what

00:35:00

humanity is about and know what hardship

00:35:03

is you're you know I mean he's been

00:35:05

taking money from the Chinese for years

00:35:08

he's been taking money from the Chinese

00:35:10

excuse me excuse me explain the email

00:35:12

excuse me explain the email excuse me

00:35:14

there's a little email that we have on

00:35:15

file that says that says you're taking

00:35:18

unite and group together there is no

00:35:19

sides there's no red or blue R andell

00:35:23

we're just Americans we're Americans are

00:35:26

you where were you born I was born in

00:35:27

San Diego California show I my I don't

00:35:31

need a passport cuz I have a birth

00:35:32

certificate show me that much show me

00:35:34

your birth certificate hoax fake news

00:35:37

how am I fake news okay you're the one

00:35:40

who keeps who keeps unkempt records of

00:35:42

yourself you're L you were late to this

00:35:43

debate you were how what kind of person

00:35:46

wants a Tito who's late to the debate

00:35:48

let me ask the question at hand why

00:35:49

don't we leave the questions up to the

00:35:50

moderator let me finish my point sir go

00:35:51

ahead go ahead well you shut up man life

00:35:55

is hard let me honestly can I finish

00:35:58

without him interrupting 30 seconds how

00:36:00

is that even 30 seconds when he [ __ ]

00:36:02

interrupted me here we go all right so

00:36:05

let me just finish all right sir thank

00:36:07

you life is hard okay and I know that

00:36:10

when Jules leaves our house right she is

00:36:12

going to be confronted with all kinds of

00:36:14

elements right and I want to be able to

00:36:16

toughen her skin right I want her to

00:36:17

succeed and I want her to know what um

00:36:20

tough love is etc etc so what what I do

00:36:23

is I put things around the house

00:36:24

purposely bodily fluids yeah he puts

00:36:27

bodily fluid around the home I'm going

00:36:28

to tell you this right now you want a

00:36:29

Tito who does stuff like that yeah can I

00:36:31

say something right now when she goes

00:36:32

out in the world right yeah and some

00:36:34

homeless person spits in her face she'll

00:36:35

know what to do she'll have the immune

00:36:37

system to fight it off homeless people

00:36:39

by the way in my under my under my

00:36:41

regime as Tito right everyone's homeless

00:36:43

everyone's homeless I know everyone's

00:36:45

hom right so I am preparing her for a a

00:36:48

hard life a difficult life right and she

00:36:51

one day will be grateful for my [ __ ]

00:36:54

tutelage okay can I have the floor

00:36:56

please cuz see this guy well Andrew you

00:36:59

have been going over the limit great so

00:37:02

I think we have a lot of questions we

00:37:04

have to mov thank and you know what this

00:37:06

is this is CNN propaganda that's what

00:37:09

this is this is MSNBC and I know and I

00:37:11

know and let me tell you something why

00:37:12

don't you show why don't you talk what

00:37:15

they muted my

00:37:19

mic that's really good they should mute

00:37:21

M why don't you talk about your son why

00:37:23

don't you talk about your son who was on

00:37:25

heroin my son Al Fredo right yeah he was

00:37:28

on

00:37:29

heroin traff business was never on

00:37:33

heroin he owned a pizza parlor and the

00:37:34

clintons were running kids out of the

00:37:36

Parlor what's the excuse there we made

00:37:39

pizzas my my son made pizzas and I said

00:37:41

he had a human trafficking business you

00:37:43

made he did not Sho heroin he did not

00:37:45

shoot heroin next question okay our next

00:37:48

look is dedicated to holidays thank you

00:37:52

my expertise by the

00:37:54

way thank you well you're welcome you

00:37:57

have handle Halloween uh by turning the

00:37:59

lights of your house and hiding from

00:38:01

kids Tito Andrew on the other hand have

00:38:04

been given 50 bags of candy 50 so uh the

00:38:08

question that nephews and nieces Across

00:38:10

America want to know how are you going

00:38:12

to deal with

00:38:15

Christmas well here's here's we start

00:38:17

with Tito Andrew thank you well I as a

00:38:21

Christian God-fearing adult male who

00:38:23

loves baby Jesus uh both black baby

00:38:26

Jesus and white baby Jesus uh I handle

00:38:29

Christmas with care with Precision with

00:38:32

expertise and with love I decorate my

00:38:34

home uh I give away gifts to the

00:38:37

homeless increments of of of a thousand

00:38:39

I give away $10 $100 bills to people at

00:38:42

random on the street I'm very giving I'm

00:38:44

very loving and uh I I believe that

00:38:48

during the holidays we need to be

00:38:50

praising the good Lord preaching the

00:38:52

good word and uh making sure that we

00:38:55

instill these beliefs into the youth for

00:38:57

the rest of time uh and and I am someone

00:39:01

I'm a Tito who gives gifts as people

00:39:03

know of this show have I given you gifts

00:39:05

yeah I have have I given you gifts I'm

00:39:07

not done have I given you gifts no you

00:39:09

have not I just gave you two

00:39:13

today this is not a gift sure and and

00:39:16

this is how he feel this is not a gift

00:39:17

and this is how a privileged person

00:39:19

feels this is insulting this is how a

00:39:21

privileged person feels about everything

00:39:23

they don't want anything you give to

00:39:24

them it isn't enough cuz it didn't cost

00:39:26

enough he didn't like his cake him for

00:39:27

his birthday cuz it was from Von right

00:39:29

you you it's like if I give you an

00:39:30

eyebrow trimmer that is not a gift that

00:39:33

is something to help you I would love it

00:39:34

if you gave me one and may I have the

00:39:37

may may I have the floor I'm not D may

00:39:39

may I have the floor rebuttal Tito

00:39:41

Andrew I mean shut up Tito Bobby is your

00:39:45

time it is true I will Deport you this

00:39:47

guy is getting deported after this it is

00:39:49

true that I do not give children candy

00:39:54

on Halloween yeah that is a fact but

00:39:57

what you do not realize is that I give

00:39:59

the kids candy every other day after

00:40:03

that prove it I do I go around ask I go

00:40:07

around right after Halloween I'll go up

00:40:09

to any random child give them candy they

00:40:12

go why give because I will give you

00:40:14

candy not Halloween but every single

00:40:17

other day and they go thank you there's

00:40:19

no proof of this this is a lie it is not

00:40:20

a ever seen I I do do it all right and

00:40:23

here's the thing right you've given

00:40:25

[ __ ] Juliana gifts yes giv her the

00:40:27

gift of life you didn't give you're not

00:40:29

her father I know but I give her food

00:40:32

nutrients and shelter and blankies as we

00:40:35

know do you not have a blankie do you

00:40:37

have a blankie I have right do you have

00:40:40

do you have a temperic bed yes thank

00:40:45

you as we know uh Tito Bobby only gives

00:40:49

gifts to Rudy jws to hold them over her

00:40:51

head when he wants something in return

00:40:53

He has tried to blackmail her as you've

00:40:55

seen on the show on the show he

00:40:57

blackmailed her with Starbucks he told

00:40:59

what can she do for me what what can she

00:41:02

do for me enr Enlighten she is the youth

00:41:04

that's the future I have not learned

00:41:06

anything except for certain anime shows

00:41:09

from her what the sharpest knives are

00:41:11

yep right that's pretty much it she's

00:41:13

given you more than you could ever give

00:41:15

to anybody because you're a selfish

00:41:17

person and she is not next question um

00:41:20

selfish

00:41:22

question mic's got cut good next

00:41:25

question Okay so

00:41:28

B I have a question or a statement I

00:41:30

want to make to you I've always wanted

00:41:32

to learn a different language and the

00:41:33

one language I want to learn and I'm

00:41:35

doing it through Babel is Portuguese

00:41:37

because I want to be able to talk to

00:41:38

Cristiano Ronaldo oh what do you think

00:41:40

you'd say to him if you did El Guapo or

00:41:42

something like that you're handsome and

00:41:44

you know sexual something sexual

00:41:45

something sexual um I've you know so

00:41:48

Babel is different than other um you

00:41:50

know language learning programs yeah it

00:41:52

very much so is they are they use a

00:41:54

method designed to get you speaking a

00:41:55

new language within weeks which which is

00:41:57

insane because most other ones take

00:41:59

months and months real talk like slang

00:42:01

and how normal people talk in that

00:42:03

particular language yes if you ever

00:42:05

worked in uh in a restaurant industry

00:42:07

and you're a young white dork like me

00:42:08

and you had Mexican men making fun of

00:42:10

you Babel would have helped me a lot

00:42:12

because I would have learned what what

00:42:13

all those slangs were yeah Babel does

00:42:15

help you teach you Street language and

00:42:16

also proper uh proper language uh words

00:42:20

and phrases to get you back running up

00:42:22

with whomever you're speaking with but

00:42:24

it gets really complex as well you I

00:42:25

mean you can like speak you know

00:42:27

to a politician as well by using Babel

00:42:31

it's not just Street [ __ ] no you no you

00:42:33

start you start with words and phrases

00:42:34

and then sentences gradually as they get

00:42:35

more complex uh then you can do

00:42:37

conversations it's they they get you

00:42:39

doing a daily 10 to 15 minute lesson so

00:42:41

that's super quick and easy uh over 10

00:42:44

million people have tried this so why

00:42:46

wouldn't you be another one these are

00:42:47

real language experts that have created

00:42:48

this program and algorithms so it's

00:42:50

pretty Flawless yep we Bob and I have uh

00:42:54

committed that he's going to learn P

00:42:55

Portuguese and I really want to learn

00:42:57

French just because I want I want to

00:42:59

have this accent I just I really like I

00:43:02

really like french bread and I figure

00:43:03

that adds up for me uh right now Babel

00:43:05

is offering our listeners three three

00:43:07

months for free with a purchase of a

00:43:08

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00:43:09

you get three months for free with the

00:43:11

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00:43:13

use the promo code bad friend on three

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00:43:18

Bob B Babble is b a BB L BB l.com use

00:43:23

the promo code bad friends that's B A DF

00:43:26

r i n NS there you go Babble language

00:43:28

for Life keeps guess what Andrew I'm

00:43:31

losing my hair and I'm really going to

00:43:33

do this thing keeps yeah I've already

00:43:35

I've already used it I I've been losing

00:43:36

my hair since I was uh six I think six

00:43:38

or seven it started to fall out you were

00:43:39

telling me about it and I was like you

00:43:40

know I I want to start doing it too

00:43:42

because it's really working for you look

00:43:43

it's a bummer for dudes cuz our hair

00:43:45

falls out of our head chicks don't

00:43:46

really have to worry about that as much

00:43:47

as the dudes do uh we get in our 20s and

00:43:50

30s we start noticing hair loss almost

00:43:52

every dude on Earth unless you're you

00:43:53

know Brad Pit um and uh two out of three

00:43:56

guys are going to experience a form of

00:43:58

male pattern baldness and you used to

00:43:59

have to go to the doctor's office to get

00:44:00

something like this done no more those

00:44:03

days are those days are gone you can do

00:44:04

it online dude and it gets delivered to

00:44:06

your house they make it so easy uh they

00:44:08

deliver medication every 3 months you

00:44:10

can say goodbye to go into the pharmacy

00:44:11

and people are embarrassed about this

00:44:12

you shouldn't be most dudes have some

00:44:14

kind of hair thinning okay unless you're

00:44:16

Rob low and you know what I don't even

00:44:18

trust robow who knows what he uses so

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00:44:23

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00:44:25

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00:44:36

plans start at 10 bucks a month all

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00:44:39

that's definitely worth keeping your

00:44:42

hair we're all losing it me for sure my

00:44:45

thin red hair I like to keep it uh and

00:44:48

it's worth your time you must try it out

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if you're ready to take action prevent

00:44:51

your hair loss go to keeps.com badri to

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for free that's keeps k ps.com bad

00:44:58

friends on the topic of being a good

00:45:00

uncle on your on your last episode Tito

00:45:03

Bobby you have described Rudy as an

00:45:06

ungrateful Mongol Feit Oak Tito Andrew

00:45:10

you have mocked Rudy's accent constantly

00:45:13

so why would any of you be a good uncle

00:45:15

for America Tito

00:45:18

Bobby like I said Okay the reason why I

00:45:21

put the boogers on her wall and I insult

00:45:22

her right is because I'm trying to

00:45:24

strengthen her because she does she is

00:45:26

not from this country right she is not

00:45:29

she is from the islands of the

00:45:31

Philippines it's taking money from China

00:45:33

and people from the Philippines just

00:45:35

know that that's his agenda she is in a

00:45:36

new land right and I am just trying to

00:45:39

um help her grow she's grown a human

00:45:43

being she's an adult grown human being

00:45:45

survive in this crazy world she knows

00:45:47

how right she doesn't need and she

00:45:49

doesn't need your disgustin and let me

00:45:50

tell you something and when you call her

00:45:51

o I never said that when you call her a

00:45:54

Fed o fake news you're a white person

00:45:57

fake fake for you to do that for you to

00:45:58

do that not blood related fake I'm blood

00:46:01

related no you're not yes no you're not

00:46:04

yes she is no you're not she's my

00:46:05

sister's [ __ ] daughter no I have a

00:46:08

sister named honey it's my daughter

00:46:09

that's not your sister she is you're not

00:46:11

Filipino I am Philipino no you're Korean

00:46:14

25% Filipino you're 112% Korean and the

00:46:18

extra 12 we can tell we all know where

00:46:20

that 12% you you are obvously white sir

00:46:23

for you to call a young Filipino lady a

00:46:26

island pan is o no I never said that you

00:46:28

were the one that says Mongol feet you

00:46:30

were the one that says racial epithets I

00:46:32

simply have you ever seen her climb a

00:46:33

tree no she can and

00:46:37

quickly the IE only tease her accent

00:46:41

because it's sweet and loving I've never

00:46:43

insulted her I've never called her names

00:46:45

like you have you call her um degenerate

00:46:48

brat you've called her the seword off

00:46:50

air I've seen it yeah yeah Catherine c

00:46:53

yeah I've called her Catherine but

00:46:54

Catherine in Filipino means something

00:46:55

else pal beautiful no it means the c

00:46:57

word it means [ __ ] yes yes he does this

00:47:01

and this is okay okay we we yes thank

00:47:03

you guys thank you let's try to keep it

00:47:06

civil we're

00:47:07

trying okay we have our next topic is

00:47:10

quality time oh Tito Bobby my expertise

00:47:14

you have complained about waking up to

00:47:16

go to see a satellite lunching or to go

00:47:19

fishing MH you decided to stay in the

00:47:22

pool while your family went hiking in

00:47:24

the Philippines and to stay in your

00:47:26

hotel dur yourent recent trip to Joshua

00:47:28

3 why would you say um to those who call

00:47:32

you lazy and that you want to spend time

00:47:35

it's really about um point of view and

00:47:37

perception mhm and um let me ask you

00:47:40

something all right when you hike when

00:47:43

one hikes anywhere in the world right

00:47:46

you you don't want to it doesn't want

00:47:48

you don't want it to take a week you

00:47:51

wanted to take a couple of hours right

00:47:54

if I went on the hike it would take

00:47:57

weeks for you to get through the hike

00:47:59

because I'm so slow like a sloth right

00:48:02

so I'm being mindful about their time

00:48:05

right I want to go to the hikes I look

00:48:08

them in the eyes I go may I go but you

00:48:10

don't go and they say Tito Bobby she

00:48:12

says Tito Bobby right you know I have

00:48:15

school next week right I have a life to

00:48:18

live you I mean I want to be able to get

00:48:20

through this hike today right so you can

00:48:24

watch you know what I mean your movies

00:48:26

in the hotel room room right and you can

00:48:28

go to the buffet in the morning right

00:48:30

the high class one right and have your

00:48:32

pastries right well I partake but thank

00:48:34

you so much for volunteering and this is

00:48:37

and this is what somebody says when they

00:48:39

don't have the best Tito someone like me

00:48:41

best Tito you've never taken anywhere

00:48:43

you've never taken her anywhere you know

00:48:45

why you know why you know why I've taken

00:48:47

her San Francisco Canada I can't take

00:48:49

her anywhere Canada New York Hawaii I

00:48:52

can't take her anywhere because because

00:48:54

you're because I'm a white male no and

00:48:57

if I'm seen around town with her in a

00:48:58

van they're going to think that's a

00:49:00

kidnapped kid yeah why do you a white

00:49:02

van why do you have a white van why is

00:49:04

it white yes so everyone can see where

00:49:06

I'm going all right I'm a great Tito and

00:49:09

I would love to take Rudy out to lunch

00:49:11

or somewhere nice I would always be on

00:49:13

time I would take her for a hike and I

00:49:15

would get the hike done on time a good

00:49:16

Tito you've never done it sir because

00:49:19

you're all talk because it's illegal

00:49:21

because it's illegal because it's

00:49:23

illegal you keep her caged up at your

00:49:25

house I'm the one that have at proof do

00:49:27

you have a to do you live in a cage kind

00:49:30

of kind of you live in a cage she lives

00:49:32

in a cage you heard it America you live

00:49:35

in a cage the Le CAG hon be honest you

00:49:38

live in a cage yep kind of uh all right

00:49:41

I love it next question okay but Tito

00:49:43

Andrew in on this topic of quality time

00:49:46

made me so [ __ ] mad just now it looks

00:49:48

mute him yeah Tito Andrew it looks like

00:49:51

you have some rage issues It's Not

00:49:54

Unusual to see your face go red I I mean

00:49:57

redder than usual your eyebrows like

00:50:01

palpitate and and you yell a lot you

00:50:04

know like so why would anyone want to

00:50:07

spend some quality time with

00:50:09

you here's why the only time that I get

00:50:12

upset and I get more red than I am is

00:50:14

simply when somebody disrespects my time

00:50:17

Andor space Tito Bobby the worst Tito in

00:50:21

the room never respects my time or my

00:50:24

space doesn't care about what I've got

00:50:25

scheduled or what I've got going on and

00:50:27

that's the only reason that I have anger

00:50:29

issues which by the way I'm in therapy

00:50:31

I've been in therapy for it for a long

00:50:32

time I'm working through it I'm I I have

00:50:34

multiple therapy therapists by the way

00:50:36

okay I am in therapy it's working I'm

00:50:39

struggling through it it's not easy but

00:50:41

I'll say this have I ever yelled at you

00:50:43

directly have I ever screamed at you I

00:50:45

have not I yell at someone that

00:50:47

disrespects me in my time and I am

00:50:48

therefore the best heard Andrew uh Tito

00:50:51

Andrew scream though yeah and do at whom

00:50:54

at whom Tito Bobby that's right do you

00:50:56

get affected by it it's scary sometimes

00:50:59

thank you so much it's called residual

00:51:02

no it's residual fear it's scary because

00:51:04

it's scary because you think I might

00:51:06

actually hurt Tito Bobby but he deserves

00:51:08

it it's funny it's funny my friend it's

00:51:10

funny my friend oh don't talk to me like

00:51:12

that I'm not your friend I've had so

00:51:13

many people call me and go how do you

00:51:15

work with that guy oh is that what they

00:51:17

say right you know what they say to me

00:51:18

so how do you work with that guy how do

00:51:21

you work with a man full of Rage

00:51:24

unreliable and anger and hostility dirty

00:51:27

and I say I can see through that thick

00:51:30

[ __ ] disgusting crust and

00:51:34

see a kind of a human and yours is so

00:51:36

thick I can't see through it that's who

00:51:37

you really are and you always result to

00:51:39

meanness ladies and gentlemen I am of

00:51:41

course the best Tito I am the best Tito

00:51:43

because I'm the one that have the actual

00:51:46

experience and the facts he's never

00:51:47

lived in our house he's never been a

00:51:49

Tito I'm the one I'm the one that's you

00:51:52

done it two I'm the one that's Tak her

00:51:54

to San Francisco I'm the one that takes

00:51:56

cabonara sauce oh San Francisco city in

00:51:59

the United States remember that Melrose

00:52:01

Melrose that restaurant that you really

00:52:03

liked I got you cabonara that night cut

00:52:05

his

00:52:06

mic okay final question the most

00:52:09

important of all you live in a cage huh

00:52:12

interesting a lot can be learned I got

00:52:15

[ __ ] cut out from how others judge

00:52:17

you so can you please take your phones

00:52:19

out and open your Uber app please tell

00:52:22

America what your rating

00:52:24

is okay okay what's your what's your

00:52:26

what's go ahead Tito Bob what's your

00:52:28

rating on Uber on

00:52:36

Uber what is it

00:52:39

488 488

00:52:43

yeah my Uber

00:52:46

rating

00:52:52

is

00:52:54

489 I swear it's 48 fine well that's

00:52:58

fine and there there you have it there I

00:53:01

have it okay now we have Rudy here to

00:53:04

decide who is the best Tito put your

00:53:08

phone

00:53:12

down oh sorry hold sorry I don't want to

00:53:14

interrupt this is real interesting I

00:53:16

think both of you just kept

00:53:21

screaming at each

00:53:23

other there weren't a lot of points

00:53:30

taken you have to choose one but I

00:53:35

think you have to choose one no I can't

00:53:38

you have to choose

00:53:39

one how are those sandals that you're

00:53:41

wearing the new ones they're comfortable

00:53:43

right you have to choose one or that

00:53:45

knife that remember that cool knife I

00:53:47

got you you have or that frame Dart

00:53:49

behind you you have to choose one this

00:53:51

is hard it doesn't matter you have to

00:53:52

choose one right

00:53:54

now the choice is clear

00:53:57

here do you want to sleep in your bed

00:54:04

tonight be honest just answer there's no

00:54:06

consequences okay I think Tito Andrew is

00:54:10

really nice and I'm very um grateful to

00:54:13

I know where this is going but I think

00:54:15

Tito Bobby

00:54:17

wins take off the shoes take off the

00:54:22

shoes best Tito well as you see there is

00:54:27

no I'm not far off cuz I'm the best

00:54:30

other

00:54:34

Tito I got a little hostile Che cheers

00:54:37

my friend cheers to the best Tito May

00:54:38

the best position I would love one okay

00:54:41

but you know what I want to do

00:54:43

Transportation uh how about how about

00:54:45

removal of people yeah yeah yeah removal

00:54:46

of people is fine yeah yeah yeah we got

00:54:47

to get rid of some people yeah that's

00:54:48

true that is true that is true hey I

00:54:52

appreciate the honesty you did a great

00:54:54

job

00:55:01

I'll tell you why it's mine's a 48 I

00:55:02

know why mine is the first time I ever

00:55:04

did Uber I didn't know how it worked

00:55:07

right and I didn't tip the person

00:55:09

through my app they don't but that's not

00:55:11

why they rated you low yeah really yeah

00:55:14

I got rated low low all of the first one

00:55:17

like a zero or something and I'm like

00:55:18

what I gave a friend you know how you I

00:55:20

called an Uber for a friend yeah and he

00:55:23

threw up in their car okay and Uber char

00:55:26

charges you a puke fee right yeah so the

00:55:28

next day he by the way who a friend it's

00:55:31

it's a guy from back he doesn't tell me

00:55:34

I don't he doesn't tell me that he threw

00:55:36

up yeah I think he took the Uber home

00:55:38

and he was fine right I called him the

00:55:39

Uber because we were still staying

00:55:41

out well I get a charge on my $100 and

00:55:44

it says damage to vehicle so I contact

00:55:47

Uber I said damage to vehicle because I

00:55:49

had taken an Uber later and I was like

00:55:51

how I took one to the airport what did I

00:55:53

do to the car this is a lie that guy's a

00:55:54

liar yeah and he goes yeah well there's

00:55:57

throw up in the car and it's a cleanup

00:55:58

fee it's a mandatory fee that we charge

00:55:59

you automatically and I said I never

00:56:01

threw up in the car finally it clicks I

00:56:03

call my buddy I'm like you throw up in

00:56:05

the car he's like yeah dude I'll venmo

00:56:06

you and I was like why wouldn't you tell

00:56:08

me and he was like I I just I figured is

00:56:10

that a game changer for you with that

00:56:11

friendship we're not friends anymore no

00:56:13

being real we're not friends anymore

00:56:14

because of that event yeah yeah you

00:56:16

threw up and you didn't tell me that's

00:56:17

so lame why would you just be like my

00:56:18

bad I forgiveness no not today it ruined

00:56:22

my rating I had such you got to be real

00:56:24

see I no be real I was in the 49 no you

00:56:27

you I swear to God in my life real story

00:56:29

you're literally not friends with we

00:56:30

don't talk right don't throw up and not

00:56:33

tell me that's so [ __ ] up cuz what if

00:56:34

I that why that's not it's not money

00:56:36

it's just like that's not that's not

00:56:37

cool so then I got a bad rating I

00:56:40

contacted the driver personally through

00:56:42

Uber in the email and I was like hey man

00:56:44

that was my friend this isn't me so

00:56:46

please can you change my rating he's

00:56:47

like no you can't change the rating once

00:56:49

it's ch once I already gave you a star

00:56:51

it doesn't matter yeah it's so fun and

00:56:53

and then he wrote an email don't let

00:56:54

your friends use your Uber that's what

00:56:56

he said said I was being nice and I gave

00:56:58

someone a ride because they they were

00:57:00

like oh I don't have Uber on my phone so

00:57:02

I gave him a u when a friend does

00:57:04

something right that's a little weird to

00:57:07

me like really weird like that no there

00:57:09

like I I it completely ruins the

00:57:11

friendship like I went out to eat with a

00:57:14

friend of mine and I said it's my tree

00:57:18

right yeah he said cool and then he ate

00:57:20

half a salad what yeah he ate half of a

00:57:24

salad and he tells the waiter he goes

00:57:25

don't charge me for that it was

00:57:27

terrible no yeah you ate it you pay yeah

00:57:31

but I looked at him and I went dude

00:57:32

don't worry about it I'm paying for it

00:57:33

he's like no no no dude don't you can't

00:57:36

you can't you can't pay for that that's

00:57:38

and it made a stink of it and I just

00:57:40

thought to myself oh we're done yeah

00:57:43

that's a cheap guy I can't do it how

00:57:44

much was the salad 10 bu what could have

00:57:46

what it could have been yeah it was just

00:57:47

the act of it that's what I'm saying

00:57:48

like how cheap I don't like it have you

00:57:51

lost friends like that from a bunch from

00:57:52

others a lot of other stuff what else

00:57:56

I'm trying to become friends with this

00:57:58

guy again right because I feel guilty

00:58:01

about it but he does one thing that

00:58:03

really bothers me what is it he because

00:58:06

we were kids we grew up together right

00:58:08

so he does this thing where he touches

00:58:10

me and run away what like a CH like a

00:58:13

child playing tag yeah and then I have

00:58:15

to touch him and I run away right well

00:58:17

you participate I know but it doesn't

00:58:19

matter it's like if I if I don't like if

00:58:21

he touches me right and he runs away and

00:58:24

I don't chase after him he will touch me

00:58:25

again

00:58:27

again until you chase him until I chase

00:58:30

him so then eventually it'll get to a

00:58:31

point where I oh [ __ ] you know it's

00:58:33

always after dinner when does it end it

00:58:36

just goes back and forth and then in my

00:58:37

mind I got to win right so him and I

00:58:39

just running around in a [ __ ] Park

00:58:41

I'm in my 40s running around a parking

00:58:44

lot he's hiding behind a [ __ ]

00:58:45

dumpster he climbs the [ __ ] fence and

00:58:47

I tag his shoe then I run the other way

00:58:49

and he chases me it's a [ __ ]

00:58:51

nightmare this sounds like you're just

00:58:53

upset because you don't win no no it

00:58:55

it's it's like I don't want to do this

00:58:57

game anymore but you do cuz you

00:58:58

participate so stop it's because he

00:59:00

touches me first so you do want to play

00:59:02

the game I don't want to play it I just

00:59:03

don't I need the last touch so don't

00:59:05

touch me at all so you do play the game

00:59:07

if he starts it he starts it every

00:59:09

[ __ ]

00:59:10

time he starts the game every [ __ ]

00:59:12

time but you don't you just don't you

00:59:13

just don't want to lose that's what it

00:59:14

is once he touches me the game is on

00:59:18

right but if he didn't touch me it's

00:59:21

it's shaking hands is one thing but

00:59:22

that's not how he goes he'll go and

00:59:24

he'll run he'll hit you a little bit

00:59:25

yeah that right like it's starting it's

00:59:28

we're starting now right and I want to

00:59:30

go I'm on TV I don't do that anymore

00:59:32

yeah you do yeah but I still do how old

00:59:34

is he same age yeah I grew up together

00:59:36

two guys almost 50 to playing tag 50

00:59:38

playing tag you know can I tell you

00:59:39

something yeah something sweet about

00:59:40

that it's something gay about it too why

00:59:43

do you guys kiss at the

00:59:45

end is that how you know who wins no no

00:59:48

but do you understand how that would

00:59:49

bother one I guess but like I have

00:59:51

friends from that I grew up with that

00:59:52

you have that old game that you play

00:59:55

yeah yeah I still I I have a photo I can

00:59:57

show you that when we were in I ha hang

00:59:59

out with old friends and then they say

01:00:00

something like you know remember Martin

01:00:02

qu you're like what and when you're 12

01:00:06

you know what I mean you know what I

01:00:07

mean like somebody threw a rock on your

01:00:09

shoulder you cried yeah but it's like an

01:00:11

experience yeah it's like yeah I

01:00:12

remember martiny who gives a [ __ ] and

01:00:14

they're like wasn't that crazy yeah it

01:00:15

was crazy it's like 30 years ago 30

01:00:17

years I don't give a [ __ ] I have a

01:00:18

friend that I always hit in the nuts we

01:00:19

have we always hit each other in the

01:00:21

nuts yeah don't you you hate it right I

01:00:22

do but but I choke him I always choke

01:00:24

him right really love it I get behind

01:00:27

him I I I like choke him from behind

01:00:28

like if he's at a if we're like walking

01:00:30

to another bar or restaurant I'll always

01:00:31

sneak up behind him and I'll and I'll

01:00:33

put him in a choke do you like old that

01:00:35

old [ __ ] though or no it feels good when

01:00:37

I can choke him cuz you can't do that to

01:00:38

adult other adults now and that's only

01:00:40

with friends that you grow up with you

01:00:41

can't do that to new new friends and

01:00:43

I'll tell you another that kind of

01:00:44

bothered me I'm going to do it that

01:00:46

remember that band that kicked me out

01:00:47

yeah they're going back together Laxton

01:00:49

yeah Laxton Supreme is making a [ __ ]

01:00:51

comeback yeah why don't we make a band

01:00:53

and compete with no they invited to be

01:00:54

back can I go but I'm thinking are you

01:00:57

using my you know notoriety to no they

01:01:00

would never maybe not huh I do it no of

01:01:04

course they using your notoriety you

01:01:05

bozo head I'll do it huh no are they

01:01:09

cool still yeah do you talk to any of

01:01:11

them yeah have you been keeping up with

01:01:13

all of them no

01:01:14

no but they text me why don't we form a

01:01:17

why don't you and I form a band what

01:01:18

kind of music though the bad friends

01:01:20

band Rudy can you play anything no she

01:01:22

can sing I've seen you sing will you

01:01:24

sing a little something for us

01:01:27

I can't I can't here here's here can I

01:01:30

say something here's the deal you either

01:01:31

sing or you're off the show forever yeah

01:01:34

all right so um she was she had the

01:01:37

audition for some sort of school look at

01:01:39

her school school play all right so oh

01:01:42

rude what was the

01:01:44

play um something rotten right yeah oh

01:01:48

so the whole family it was like

01:01:50

Christmas or something the whole family

01:01:51

was in the house we're talking about why

01:01:53

you laughing about [ __ ]

01:01:56

20 people right and somebody mentions

01:01:59

Jules you have that audition coming up

01:02:01

she's like what no what and we're like

01:02:04

yeah do it yeah sing the song and then

01:02:08

we all kind of gather together on the

01:02:09

couch so mean I know and she walks in

01:02:11

front of

01:02:13

everybody she starts singing and then

01:02:15

halfway during it just her eyes bulge

01:02:18

out she just she's committing to the

01:02:20

song tears coming down her eyes shaking

01:02:26

[Music]

01:02:32

why are you crying Jules I don't know I

01:02:34

just cried wait were you emotionally

01:02:36

hurt or upset no I don't are you upset

01:02:39

now no oh what's the song what is it uh

01:02:43

Lumineers by no the band is The

01:02:46

Lumineers yeah yeah Lumineers and you

01:02:48

sing it now yeah you sing it now no yeah

01:02:51

you sing it now you what's the song

01:02:54

what's the name of the song before if

01:02:56

you sing it together yeah we will

01:02:58

together what's it called ail is the one

01:03:01

that goes uh uh girl dead SE Dead Sea

01:03:05

okay well yeah you you have to sing the

01:03:08

okay we how about we'll play

01:03:10

the wait wait wait wait wait wait wait

01:03:12

you do first I do second she does third

01:03:14

verse you ready start from the top

01:03:16

ready I headed west I was a man on the

01:03:22

move you're next I thought you were you

01:03:24

reading the whole thing you reading the

01:03:25

whole fck thing right so it goes I had a

01:03:28

w i was the man move New York had lied

01:03:30

to me I need sing it just sing oh I

01:03:32

needed someone needed someone I could is

01:03:34

that the same thing yes I don't gamble

01:03:36

but I do bet on us something yeah you're

01:03:38

perfect I headed west I was the man on

01:03:41

the

01:03:42

Move New York had lied to me I needed

01:03:46

the

01:03:47

truth oh I needed something someone I

01:03:50

could trust I don't gamble but if I did

01:03:54

I would better

01:03:56

was like the Dead Sea told me I was dead

01:03:59

like the Dead

01:04:00

[Laughter]

01:04:04

Sea you'll never sink when you are with

01:04:08

me oh Lord yeah oh Lord like the Dead

01:04:14

Sea yeah

01:04:18

yeah okay I'm like the Dead Sea the

01:04:23

finest words you ever said to me me

01:04:27

honey can't you see I was born to be be

01:04:31

your dead SE wow we're making a band

01:04:36

that hard is we're making a band it's

01:04:37

not hard that was so good you about to

01:04:40

cry again no but my throat is very

01:04:45

tight that's our band name my Thro my

01:04:47

throat is very tight yeah yeah Rudy

01:04:50

you're really good yeah you want to do

01:04:52

the whole thing or please please it was

01:04:54

so good yeah you told me you were good

01:04:57

at running away domestic life it never

01:05:01

sued you sued you like

01:05:04

Sue I don't know the to you left with

01:05:07

just the clothes on your

01:05:09

back you look the N when you took the

01:05:13

map yes there are times we live for

01:05:18

somebody

01:05:20

else your father died and you decided I

01:05:24

think she's out I think she's out okay I

01:05:26

think she's out oh then you're out of

01:05:27

the band yeah cuz we're trying our best

01:05:29

here to make a band but here here's the

01:05:30

thing rude um Jew uh Julie is is that

01:05:33

you know you Sayang it in front of the

01:05:35

house in front of you know 10 people you

01:05:38

just Sayang it in front of just now well

01:05:41

how many people are listening hundreds

01:05:43

of thousands hundreds of thousands of

01:05:44

people yeah yeah what's is now can you

01:05:47

do it in Christmas you think this

01:05:48

Christmas do you can which you did it

01:05:52

was so heartbreaking it was

01:05:56

oh when she oh I was going to say the

01:05:57

song was she had to be whisked away you

01:05:59

know how they do that come here sweetie

01:06:01

and the girls whisk them away into her

01:06:02

room and I'm like smoking

01:06:04

giggling went yeah yeah like you what I

01:06:08

mean it should have been Steve Harvey at

01:06:09

the Apollo where they pull the cane you

01:06:10

know when she's he's like get your ass

01:06:13

off stage and they just pull her back so

01:06:16

we're forming a band that's it you guys

01:06:18

comment below on what you want the band

01:06:19

to be called cuz we're starting a band

01:06:21

The Bad friend's band you're not going

01:06:22

back to Laxton we're starting a new band

01:06:24

have you have you watched the comedy

01:06:25

Central documentary about The Comedy

01:06:27

Store Showtime documentary about The

01:06:28

Comedy Store what I have is it good yeah

01:06:31

yeah it's pretty powerful they did some

01:06:33

great stuff I I I smoked smoke smoke I

01:06:36

spoke to Mike binder today about it who

01:06:37

created it literally what' he say I mean

01:06:40

you know it's just we kind of went into

01:06:41

the depths of like it was wild about how

01:06:43

Sam Kennison really died for young

01:06:45

people that don't know who Sam Kennon

01:06:46

was or or you do if you're a comedy fan

01:06:48

it's it's a it's a sham well look no no

01:06:49

no I shouldn't say young some people

01:06:51

don't know some people are are are older

01:06:53

and don't know who he was but Kennison

01:06:56

had died I heard two different version

01:06:57

of the story and I told Mike this today

01:06:59

I said you know I had heard two version

01:07:01

of the story that Kennison had gotten

01:07:03

clean and was going to do the gig in

01:07:04

laughland

01:07:05

Nevada um and spoiler alert he dies he

01:07:08

got hit he they he tried to pass a a

01:07:11

truck in an 18wheeler and he got smoked

01:07:13

head on and he died and his wife lived

01:07:16

uh car laau was there okay so car leau

01:07:18

tells the story in the documentary which

01:07:20

I highly recommend and I'm not blowing

01:07:22

anything because it's known that

01:07:23

Kennison died with Carl but Carl's

01:07:25

perspective was interesting because that

01:07:27

he told kind of the opposite which was

01:07:29

no he was still getting [ __ ] up he was

01:07:31

still using Coke heavily still drinking

01:07:33

still being

01:07:34

irresponsible um and car tells the

01:07:36

moment that Kennison died in his arms

01:07:39

yeah and I got to tell you it's on the

01:07:41

documentary and I highly suggest

01:07:43

watching it it's it's extremely powerful

01:07:46

because it's simple he's telling it you

01:07:48

can tell he's not hyperbolizing the

01:07:49

story there's no lies you can tell he's

01:07:51

saying it like literally what happened

01:07:53

he was looking away from him he said his

01:07:55

eyes looked like they were at the sky

01:07:56

and they kept saying you're going to be

01:07:57

okay buddy you're not you're you're not

01:07:58

going to die cuz he kept saying I don't

01:08:00

want to die right now yeah and he said

01:08:03

what are you talking you're not going to

01:08:04

die and he goes I realized he wasn't

01:08:06

talking to me he was looking straight up

01:08:08

in the sky oh my God and he was talking

01:08:10

to somebody else oh my God and he

01:08:11

reiterated the way he says it and he

01:08:13

said when he snapped back into reality

01:08:14

he could hear cars and ambulances and

01:08:16

his wife crying and he said it took a

01:08:19

lot for me to forgive him but the thing

01:08:22

I never knew what Caro told me or told

01:08:24

us was yes he was still getting [ __ ]

01:08:26

up he wasn't sober he hadn't reached

01:08:28

that point which was a lie publicly

01:08:30

people thought he was and also carbo's

01:08:33

daughter yeah that's the most

01:08:35

Shakespearean well can I finish it for

01:08:37

the

01:08:38

fans yeah but I just want can I just

01:08:41

throw in my yeah but let it's

01:08:42

Shakespearean let this let this go real

01:08:44

quick I Caro's daughter turned out not

01:08:47

to be his daughter it was Sam kenneson

01:08:48

his best friend was sleeping with his

01:08:50

wife on drugs she got pregnant had the

01:08:52

kid they never were able to talk about

01:08:54

it so imagine imagine your friend

01:08:57

imagine imagine I knock up

01:08:59

Kila I would know how the baby comes out

01:09:02

all redheaded and freaky looking oh you

01:09:04

don't think you could have a redheaded

01:09:05

baby yeah it's going to have [ __ ]

01:09:07

bushy eyebrows and angry it's going to

01:09:09

cry like that imagine a redheaded

01:09:11

Filipino kid how bad would he get beat

01:09:14

up if I sawell red hair on that baby I

01:09:17

might go to prison why for killing the

01:09:19

baby I might throw it across the street

01:09:21

yeah but they're resilient they can

01:09:22

bounce redheaded babies can bounce you

01:09:24

think we haven't thrown out a Windows

01:09:25

would be it would be devastating I I'm

01:09:27

going to tell you this right now if I

01:09:30

had a baby and it came out with a little

01:09:32

red head and I asked Kila is that Andrew

01:09:35

baby and she said yeah right you I would

01:09:38

literally probably May kill you why it

01:09:40

would be such it would be great for the

01:09:41

show all right the numbers are good the

01:09:43

numbers are

01:09:46

good no because Carl see Carl you know

01:09:49

when I came to The Comedy Store him and

01:09:51

I became instant friends yeah I've heard

01:09:53

he's a good dude yeah in fact um he used

01:09:55

to like him and his at the time he was

01:09:57

dating this a an ex- waitress from The

01:10:00

Comedy Store yeah and they would invite

01:10:02

me to his house I was like kind of like

01:10:03

an open micer almost yeah like today

01:10:05

they would make food right and then when

01:10:07

I made some money I helped to get his

01:10:08

teeth fixed oh really yeah why cuz he

01:10:11

had messed up teeth one day he was

01:10:13

talking and it smell like [ __ ] and I

01:10:15

said

01:10:18

um so mean it just smelled like pure dog

01:10:22

[ __ ] like that's so mean Bob it didn't

01:10:23

smell good he had rotting teeth yeah and

01:10:26

I go oh man what the [ __ ] is that

01:10:29

[ __ ] did you eat [ __ ] for lunch yeah and

01:10:31

he goes no man I just have hole this

01:10:34

hole and it hurts so bad and he goes I

01:10:36

you know I asked Roseanne for some money

01:10:39

and she wouldn't give me any for my

01:10:40

teeth she's like how much yeah how much

01:10:42

is it and he's like 2500 bucks or and he

01:10:45

paid me back but I gave him the money

01:10:47

that's amazing because I love him so

01:10:48

much that so nice do that one of my

01:10:50

Idols yeah in fact you know um Sabrina

01:10:54

one of Sam kennon's um his wife well

01:10:57

yeah right she one day this actually

01:11:01

happened cuz she knows I was a big Sam

01:11:03

kenneson fan and she go she comes to me

01:11:06

and I was like I think I just got on

01:11:08

Matt TV or something and she goes she

01:11:11

gives me a plastic

01:11:12

bag and I open it up and it's just

01:11:16

gigantic

01:11:18

stinky shirt with a cut down here like

01:11:22

this open I go what is it she's like

01:11:24

this is

01:11:25

the Sam's favorite shirt that he used to

01:11:28

perform in I never watched it wow and I

01:11:31

had it on today I found it today you

01:11:35

need to frame that I found it today

01:11:37

right and I tried it on looked in the

01:11:38

mirror it's so big on me right and I um

01:11:42

yeah but it's

01:11:43

ironic coincidental that you brought

01:11:45

that up yeah that you wore a Kennison

01:11:47

shirt today yeah Bobby I'm being genuine

01:11:49

when I say this I'll buy you a frame but

01:11:52

you must frame that I'm going to frame

01:11:54

it because that's the thing that'll just

01:11:55

get lost on accident you're right that's

01:11:57

like that's it's not like the rooster

01:11:59

those can go yeah yeah yeah you know

01:12:01

what I mean like that's a thing that I

01:12:02

like George car gave me that he's dead

01:12:05

you get another one yeah no it's really

01:12:07

special and um but people should watch

01:12:09

the showtime documentary it's about The

01:12:10

Comedy Store if you care I know people

01:12:11

sometimes are like we've already heard

01:12:13

about it's like look this is beautiful

01:12:15

insight and it's Leno Letterman uh uh

01:12:17

Jim Carrey uh uh uh Burr but Paulie

01:12:20

yelled at me because appar apparently he

01:12:23

said that I said in the documentary that

01:12:25

the green wound smelled like his mom's

01:12:28

[ __ ] did it I don't know but I don't

01:12:30

know remember did I say that on the

01:12:32

documentary I don't think I don't

01:12:33

remember that that's what he told me

01:12:35

that I said and he yelled at

01:12:37

me I don't remember that dude was I in

01:12:39

it you you are in it okay yeah they said

01:12:42

it said Resident noodle that's what the

01:12:44

tag said all right that's enough stop it

01:12:46

that's crazy JK thank you for being a

01:12:48

bad

01:12:50

friend

01:12:53

W yeah

01:12:55

[Music]

01:13:00

woo

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[Music]

01:13:05

wo

01:13:11

woo

01:13:16

wo

01:13:18

wo

01:13:21

yeah

01:13:23

woo yeah a

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