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Bobby vs. Steve Hawking | Ep 128 | Bad Friends

August 08, 2022 / 01:22:35

Video

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hey

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i want to promote a few things first of

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all badfriendsmerch.com this stuff

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is on sale this great hat we have shirts

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we got all sorts of stuff go to bad

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friendsmerch.com to get any of this

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stuff and also bobby's excited to let

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you know that i've got some dates coming

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up to warm up for my new special i'm

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taping an hour so excited aren't you

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excited for me to do my hour yeah i'm

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going to salt lake city september 9th

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and 10th um at brea the 13th i'm also

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adding many more dates and the specials

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being shot in denver colorado at the

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paramount theatre those stickers are

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going to be available uh as soon as

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possible they might be up now go to

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andrewsantino.com

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andrewsantino.com salt lake city come

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out bray california come on out and see

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me andrew santino.com i just shot i just

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shot this big goon in the face well shot

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what did you we're playing rage shadow

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ledges everyone knows ray shadow legend

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is going into my battle right now and

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i'm going i'm doing the campaign this is

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actually very cool and then i did that

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there's four of us together marching

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through this game

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the graphics are actually really good

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they're really good at graphics i just

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killed as a big dragon this dragon looks

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a lot like me yeah this year raid

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celebrates its third year anniversary

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these are my top three champions coronar

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cleopa turks by stofus i love that he

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has a high accuracy aura for all allies

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and these are our top three places to

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play i play in the shower you play in

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the shower yeah i play it while i'm

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punching jumping i play it i play it

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when i'm in bed that's the most time i

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play video games on my phone is when i'm

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in the bed or when i'm in the backyard

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sometimes i just sit outside by myself

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basically

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you can play it anywhere it's fine

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anywhere yeah anytime you can do it on

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mobile or pc yup it's for both it's a

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great guy the graphics are insane

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they're console level graphics and this

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month raid's got a non-stop schedule of

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uh special events and activities

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including forged past season three with

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some amazing rewards uh on offer

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including a limited edition artifact set

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limited edition if that's not enough

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raid's bringing out some new

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champions along with some awesome

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looking champion skins for the

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incredible medam series and uh um but

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wait big news got some big news right

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here we have big news raid is giving

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everyone's favorite champion the upgrade

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he deserves you might have seen his

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struggle for awesomeness in some raids

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hilarious videos but finally death

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knight is becoming a legendary champion

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it's something we've all been waiting

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for

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and i can't wait to see how ultimate

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death knight turns out man there's never

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been a better time to get started new

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players use our link or scan the qr code

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right here on the screen and get a free

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starter pack worth almost 30 dollars for

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free champion and yeah

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and also this cool in-game loot you'll

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the next 30 days only

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you two are bad friends who are these

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two idiots

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white dude i'm an asian dude

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you two are disgusting

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well you two or something we're bad

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friends do you do you feel better when

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you get like a white limo driver or a

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white driver you do you do you like that

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more

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yeah but i don't like it because

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whenever

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if they know who i am

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it's okay yeah but sometimes when not

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all every time if i get a white driver

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and they see it's me

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they get bummed right away why because i

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look like i don't have money

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that's true

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last night

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you did it espy's after party yeah i

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don't by the way did you watch espys

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steph did stand up uh sarah tiana wrote

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some of his stuff

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uh chris spencer

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uh who else he crushed actually he's a

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really nice guy no but he actually did

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really well at the espys like he roasted

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a little bit it was kind of fun man yeah

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because even when i mean uh collide did

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his game show you know his wife at a

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game show he was very funny and loose

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and good he's a dope dude he's a good

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dude what he's very cosmetic yeah he's

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extreme that's not your guy though like

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spud webb that's your guy

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this guy he walked in this morning he

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walked in and was like

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he's like man tino do you see what

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happened with the pentagon and i was

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like of course oh my god and he's like

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man they released a whole new

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subcategory tell them what it is oh so

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you know how they get the uap task force

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so now they open up an office

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for anomalous vehicles that's going from

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space into the water so they're trying

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to monitor everything oh they go to

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water now they've been in water season

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that's what i'm talking about they never

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even mentioned the [ __ ] they've been

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there

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is this it this is what the new thing is

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oh my god

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you know he does this late at night he's

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on these docks late at night

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what a sad world just type in ufo and

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then type and then click on news type in

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ufo

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news i can imagine dog with his alien

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pajamas

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right late at night

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experience mission

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just reading the stuff it's so sad it's

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so sad

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[Laughter]

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yeah after only eight months of

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existence the pentagon's office tasked

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with investigating and tracking ufos or

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unidentified aerial phenomena will look

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beyond the stars for objects of interest

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on wednesday the pentagon announced that

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it renamed and expanded the authority of

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the government's chief ufo office that

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someone just got a promotion

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formerly known as the airborne object

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identification and management group or

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aoimg

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the office will now be known as the all

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domain anomaly resolution office or aaro

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arrow

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i got to be honest with you all jokes

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aside right now yeah all jokes aside

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this

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this is going on so under the radar

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that a piece of me knows

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they have so much information sure

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uh honestly

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this is how is this not the front page

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news that

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like they've slid this under biden has

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coveted

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do you know what i mean yeah like biden

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has covered like big [ __ ] deal

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everyone has covered right now literally

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everybody how come we don't hear about

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that but also are you scared are you

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scared of you but doctor you got to do

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it the way they're doing it because it

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scares everybody it should scare

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everyone i didn't know what a galaxy was

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i've been because since i met you i've

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been like googling things and trying to

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learn about it there's 300 billion

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planets in our galaxy wait wait there's

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300 billion planets in our galaxy alone

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yeah i think 200 billion yeah 200

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billion yeah you're off by 100 billion i

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don't know but that check this out right

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and then there are 300 million planets

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that could be like earth

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in that 200 billion

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right so and then that's just our

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galaxy's other galaxy so in my head i'm

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like theoretically right you're right i

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mean it's the odds there's got to be

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other life intelligent life on on the

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planet right right we can't be the only

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thing we can't be the only because we're

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not that good look at us in this room

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yeah can you imagine that they came back

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but that's what they haven't been there

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we're so dumb you know you know how like

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the last time we was talking about this

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and y'all name some some of those groups

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of different species y'all name yeah

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let's think about this all right

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okay yeah what else name another one the

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gray people yeah

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uh

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blue man group okay man you're awesome

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[ __ ] that's the [ __ ] michael

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stipe from like

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100 percent michael stein you think that

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you don't think that guy's a [ __ ]

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yeah

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vern troyer was definitely right

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definitely what

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so let's just say this let's say let's

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pretend right now that those are all

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real they are yeah they are real so what

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that means they're all coming here and

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they're able to get to us but we're not

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able to get to them it means we're in

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the middle of something that's why we

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don't know what to understand what's

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going on well yeah we don't i don't

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think we're the end of it we're in the

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middle of i think we're just in the

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middle of something and we're starting

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to find out

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yeah but the theory that they're having

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a war

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if you look online there's like a war

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between five different alien races right

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possible who's winning what who's

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winning you would think that you would

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walk outside and see a shrapnel of uh

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something something but they're

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like well there's no sign of look at the

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distance we are from different solar

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system what the [ __ ] are you talking

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about see but you said that they're here

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yeah

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yeah they've been coming here and they

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are here they're here now they're here

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where are they where are they

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underwater are they underwater in the

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water they don't want to stay on the

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surface

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or whatever they got there with the

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government no no i'm saying are there

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any of them walking free

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well amongst us

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according to

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the government is possible

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what right so according to the documents

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like unaccountable pregnancies that

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would be they're walking to monsters

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just depends on how many

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women or how many people didn't have

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that if it's if that's true you know you

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understand what i'm saying so you're

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saying women are getting pregnant

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by aliens you want to call them aliens

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whatever you want to call them yeah well

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okay what what do you want me to call

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them

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well because they they can still be

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human be like you know what your problem

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is you think that we probably are the

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only human beings

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hey type in 1977

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staffordshire youtube on youtube so

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theoretically look at me theoretically

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i could be an alien

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that's possible hey doc that would

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explain it you know it's bringing you

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that explain a lot

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yeah my great dick that my great dig

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that would explain my great day

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spots in the sky lights in the sky

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strange things but the strangest of all

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was seen one day over this cottage

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mr mrs rustenberg were living there

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quietly out in the country

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and well pause it stop what i believe

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nothing that's going to come out

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[Laughter]

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this woman escaped eastern european

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the block

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came to [ __ ] wherever she what is

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this isn't is it england now yeah she

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made it out alive but dude 1954 look at

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what she's wearing that shirt by the way

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she's

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she's 28 years old

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she's in really bad condition yeah

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no

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let's hear what she says let me ask you

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something i could tell you you would

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[ __ ] her before you would [ __ ] me of

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course i would give it to her in a

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heartbeat

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okay

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without the accent though if she wasn't

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british

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i smeared [ __ ] before this guy of course

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you're [ __ ] dumb you're dumb

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you would you would [ __ ] her before you

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[ __ ] andrew anybody dudes look at me i'm

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taking that [ __ ] though

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tell me what you saw

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well it was

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one ordinary day

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i

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was waiting for my husband to come home

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from work and my two sons

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went to cypher to school and i was

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getting changed and

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i heard this terrific noise it was just

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like a giant cauldron of water being

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poured onto a fire ash sort of noise you

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know and my first reaction was oh the

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children i thought maybe a plane was

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crashing or something like that

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and i

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slipped my jumper on and went outside to

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find my two sons lying flat on the

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ground in the garden in front of the

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house shouting mummy mummy as a flying

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saucer

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well naturally i

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just said come on don't be stupid

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come in the house but felt

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sort of a strange sensation

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when wended my way

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up the side of the house to where we had

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a pump where we used to get all our

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water from

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and um

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automatically looked up to see this

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all i can describe this huge mexican hat

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it was stationary this thing

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and it was brighter

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[Applause]

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she's talking

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so you watch this [ __ ] late at night no

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yes three in the morning this is an

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alien pajama this is porn you're playing

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underwire

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this was

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after i watched the scientists in his

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approach on the whole situation and he

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was about to collect the information so

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he said it's not about what bubblers are

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if he proven him real or fake he just

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wanted to hear what he said and he's

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after listening to him he was convinced

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that's my approach so i said okay let me

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let me try to listen to some of this

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[ __ ] this [ __ ] sounds crazy but i'm just

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saying this just because we were talking

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about pregnancies and and and

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y'all were saying about aliens but i'm

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about to show y'all that the aliens

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could be these go ahead and show these

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[ __ ]

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wait what can we watch more there's more

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well let's listen she's about to explain

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she's about to get to the part where she

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about to tell who was in the vehicle

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okay i don't believe her i don't believe

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her okay but i'm just she said it looked

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like a mexican hat yeah at that i'm done

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after that's her only description yeah

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listen i'm not saying i believe her i'm

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saying that there's a possibility what

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she's saying could be true facts no play

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them on the phone

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[Laughter]

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a dome it was tilted

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to sort of

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i could see the occupants in it you saw

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people in it

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you're telling me yeah these people have

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the unimaginable technology to [ __ ]

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come to earth

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in a saucer yeah but they've got a dome

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and you can see inside who's in it and

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they're going

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how are you get the [ __ ] out of the [ __ ]

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out of here

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yeah yeah get the [ __ ] out of here hello

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they would let you see them yeah they

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wouldn't do that no it'd be like one of

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those if there was a window one of those

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fbi interrogation windows where it's

00:13:54

like one way a little slit you can't see

00:13:57

it they can almost yeah hello how are

00:13:59

you yeah we have big heads sorry and her

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she's playing like the jetsons with the

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bubble like

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that's insane it's insane why would they

00:14:08

let you see them and then they would

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come down on a saucer otherwise they

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would come down and make a big [ __ ]

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stink anyway but how come they disappear

00:14:15

all the time if you hear about the

00:14:17

majority of the saucers back then that's

00:14:18

what they were they had a clear dog so

00:14:20

oh they declare don't yeah oh so they've

00:14:22

they've advanced they're right

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i'm a [ __ ] y'all know

00:14:25

yeah yeah according to i ain't saying

00:14:27

that she was real i'm just saying okay

00:14:29

let's hear what this woman has to say

00:14:31

people in there

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and

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these people

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were beautiful people that's the only

00:14:38

way i can just describe them stop

00:14:41

stop saying this no

00:14:43

so they look like brook shields

00:14:46

and steve mcqueen waving hello

00:14:49

we're the beautiful people

00:14:52

what the [ __ ] are you saying they're

00:14:53

beautiful people

00:14:55

now is your assumption that they have

00:14:56

taken our form because they can see us

00:14:58

and they can i mean no it doesn't what

00:15:00

i'm saying is is you are in your minds

00:15:03

right you would think that we're the

00:15:04

only ones made here that look like us

00:15:06

and it's that doesn't have to be the

00:15:08

case i think that we're the only ones

00:15:09

that look are you [ __ ] me you guys

00:15:11

can i just ask you something right i

00:15:13

think we look like us

00:15:14

yeah when people are telling me stories

00:15:16

i look at the person first and go what

00:15:18

is this guy's credentials yeah i mean do

00:15:20

i know this person like if lex friedman

00:15:22

yeah right pulled me aside and goes

00:15:24

listen dude i saw it he described it i

00:15:26

would be like you know what lex friedman

00:15:28

is one of the smartest guys on planet

00:15:30

earth yeah right he was a goddamn dummy

00:15:33

who you why because

00:15:36

because of a goddamn that he could be

00:15:37

lying to you and you're going just

00:15:39

because that's his job he's a scientist

00:15:40

that'll make he's not one of the

00:15:42

smartest people in the world that's what

00:15:43

the [ __ ] he does he's just assigned you

00:15:44

think lex is smarter than you no yeah

00:15:47

they just do science that's all they do

00:15:48

this [ __ ] is crazy to me when people put

00:15:50

scientists on this level that they

00:15:52

shouldn't

00:15:55

it's [ __ ] crazy

00:15:57

dude he's about to tell him

00:15:59

he's about to literally be like and

00:16:01

they're out here telling us the earth

00:16:02

can't hide when

00:16:05

[Music]

00:16:06

yeah what they think that black you know

00:16:08

the the the demon coveted lady that

00:16:10

trump was using that one

00:16:12

right yeah like you would go to her

00:16:14

that's your family practitioner

00:16:16

doc there's some people with credentials

00:16:19

because he's a scientist

00:16:22

no i'm not saying that but what i'm

00:16:23

saying is is he's just taking that guy

00:16:26

and saying if he said this i would

00:16:28

believe him because i know him

00:16:30

it doesn't matter that's cause you're a

00:16:32

little [ __ ]

00:16:41

he's not smarter than you that's just

00:16:42

his job time out time if you was in the

00:16:44

science you would be doing it if you was

00:16:46

in the science you would be there or not

00:16:48

we're

00:17:01

he's a [ __ ] science teacher just like

00:17:03

anybody else you can do that [ __ ] no no

00:17:05

science what he's just hungry for dude

00:17:09

scientists or different people in these

00:17:12

positions

00:17:17

yeah yeah time out yeah just stop the

00:17:18

yelling cause you're talking over each

00:17:19

other yeah but i do want to say this and

00:17:21

i'm making this announcement to the fans

00:17:23

to bobby lee to the crew

00:17:25

and to doc

00:17:27

i want lex friedman on this show

00:17:29

to go toe-to-toe with you yeah

00:17:32

on who's smarter because you just said

00:17:34

do you think lex is smarter than those

00:17:35

and i said yeah i think he is smarter

00:17:37

than me and you said why

00:17:39

because i know he's smarter than me yeah

00:17:40

in what way

00:17:42

robotics yeah engineering but that's

00:17:44

what he does for a living yeah yeah i

00:17:46

don't know how to do it i don't know how

00:17:48

to do it but but here's the thing if you

00:17:50

can help me i wouldn't be able to

00:17:51

comprehend he could do step-by-step with

00:17:54

me i'd forget the moment he left exactly

00:17:56

how many people know how to do what you

00:17:58

do

00:17:58

what do we do what do we do you're

00:18:00

stand-up comics

00:18:01

this is an accident

00:18:04

we're idiots

00:18:05

this is goofball weirdo [ __ ] because

00:18:07

we're [ __ ] up in the head

00:18:09

the first year my first joke was wet

00:18:10

farts into the mic

00:18:12

yeah yeah but that's all i know how to

00:18:14

do we're stupid weirdos we're brave

00:18:17

we're brave right right

00:18:19

you're elevating them and you shouldn't

00:18:22

do that so we should bring them down

00:18:24

right and on level with you there's no

00:18:26

difference between them

00:18:30

uh intelligent wise i don't i don't feel

00:18:32

like nobody is depending on what which

00:18:34

which you do it's what you do so you're

00:18:36

going to be doing it stephen hawking me

00:18:38

and stephen hawking are the same

00:18:41

yes you can be but you're dumb because

00:18:44

you feel you're done and you act dumb

00:18:46

because that's how you feel about

00:18:47

yourself i don't feel like i'm dumb i

00:18:49

don't feel like i'm dumber than alex i'm

00:18:51

lex i don't feel like that i just feel

00:18:52

like that's what he does

00:18:54

you think you're as intelligent as

00:18:56

stephen hawking yes

00:19:01

it's insane i love it so no one is

00:19:04

smarter than you

00:19:05

no i've been this is what i feel like

00:19:08

this is what i feel like if if yeah if

00:19:12

you're talking about on the scale of

00:19:14

what that profession is he's way more

00:19:16

intelligent let's remove the professions

00:19:18

stop with the profession right let's

00:19:19

take stephen hawking away from his job

00:19:21

as a

00:19:22

[ __ ] molecular biomechanics because

00:19:25

you only know him as a scientist okay

00:19:27

but let's just what about in terms of

00:19:28

getting sick for example do you if you

00:19:31

are smarter you get sick uh you get

00:19:33

covered for example more times or less

00:19:35

times okay fancy taking shots did you

00:19:38

see what he just did yeah you just did

00:19:39

that yeah what did he say

00:19:42

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00:19:44

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kit i don't know

00:22:27

um

00:22:28

there was a zombie apocalypse it's here

00:22:30

now

00:22:30

okay a zombie apocalypse oh no right

00:22:32

here there's 30 people right

00:22:35

that's surviving you know i mean and

00:22:38

lex friedman and me are part of this 30

00:22:40

people right yeah who do you think they

00:22:42

would ask to be in charge to get things

00:22:44

right

00:22:45

they would go down as far as work for

00:22:47

what in any survival getting electricity

00:22:50

almost any strategy

00:22:52

strategy

00:23:04

is

00:23:10

after a long day of trying to rebuild

00:23:12

society and build up the wall so the

00:23:14

zombies don't kill us all

00:23:16

everyone's tired and at the end lex

00:23:18

comes up to bobby and he's like will you

00:23:20

do like the penis dance for everyone to

00:23:22

get the morale up and you do any crushes

00:23:25

right and that rewards him as a higher

00:23:27

value however

00:23:30

exactly in that scenario not gonna

00:23:32

that's not gonna make the group go this

00:23:34

is the smartest guy in the group

00:23:36

right now they're gonna go this guy's

00:23:38

the most fun exactly i love this guy

00:23:41

he's the king that's my role

00:23:44

that's my role we play our roles yeah

00:23:46

we're just we're jesters yeah

00:23:48

but what you're doing whatever you're

00:23:50

doing dude what is your problem think

00:23:52

about what you're saying i know what i'm

00:23:54

saying because they listen none of those

00:23:56

guys have contributed to science as far

00:23:59

as technology and uplifting do you know

00:24:02

that i know that

00:24:03

no but here's what i'm saying this is

00:24:04

what i'm saying you think teaching is

00:24:05

well i will say lex he does build [ __ ]

00:24:07

he does build but he hasn't

00:24:09

look those guys haven't invented things

00:24:12

the the guys that you think that are

00:24:13

really smart are the guys that invent

00:24:15

and create you on their own so stephen

00:24:17

hawking with the whole black hole thing

00:24:18

in the theater the whole black hole

00:24:19

thing that [ __ ] is always getting his

00:24:21

[ __ ] ain't even 100 they gave him a

00:24:22

nobel peace prize on some [ __ ] that he

00:24:24

hundred percent don't even know he just

00:24:26

basically go okay no because they

00:24:29

they've been showing to his [ __ ]

00:24:30

but he was wondering am i about right am

00:24:32

i right but he was one of the first

00:24:33

people to come up with a lot of these

00:24:34

theories yeah yeah so theorizing is the

00:24:36

part i was one of the first people that

00:24:37

came up with some of the most of this

00:24:38

[ __ ] yeah okay so it's einstein smaller

00:24:41

than me of course

00:24:44

there are people then right no here's

00:24:46

what i'll say

00:24:47

we got one albert einstein guys

00:24:49

not stephen hawking but but einstein yes

00:24:52

hey i'll be honest

00:24:53

i'll be honest with you yeah he wasn't

00:24:55

as smart as you oh yeah

00:24:57

he was [ __ ] his own cousin he cheated

00:24:59

on his wife with his own cousin okay you

00:25:01

don't know how good his cousin's [ __ ]

00:25:02

was yeah yeah yeah yeah you weren't a

00:25:04

[ __ ] round but what i'm saying is is

00:25:07

he was a you you say he's a genius in

00:25:09

science but as a man as a as like

00:25:12

all-around genius and understanding love

00:25:13

and connection all they eat it he's [ __ ]

00:25:16

see there's an intelligence involved in

00:25:18

just okay

00:25:19

speaking of the microphone you're going

00:25:21

against just speaking the mic yeah we've

00:25:22

got to stay in the mic i know you're

00:25:23

getting passionate you're getting what i

00:25:24

am you're going into the science the art

00:25:26

like it's just it's science okay the

00:25:29

same dumb [ __ ] that made

00:25:30

nuclear weapons that we're having a

00:25:31

problem with today dumb ass scientists

00:25:33

you think you say they smart because

00:25:35

they could create the weapons but

00:25:36

they're dumb because they made them okay

00:25:38

okay they may not have social empathy

00:25:41

right it's kind of like how sometimes

00:25:42

higher intellectual people have

00:25:44

are on the spectrum they don't they're

00:25:45

not good at social cues or they're not

00:25:47

good at looking people in the eye and

00:25:49

certain types of conversation rhythmic

00:25:51

beats right you may be more intellectual

00:25:53

when it comes to those things but as far

00:25:56

as the far-reaching things that are much

00:25:58

more difficult to compute with the

00:25:59

regular brain they're smarter in science

00:26:02

yes but science is almost everything

00:26:04

what do you think everything is

00:26:05

everything is [ __ ] science but they

00:26:07

don't have they're not you are science

00:26:21

we are intellectually superior when it

00:26:23

comes to comedic rhythms timings thought

00:26:26

processes right but that's a

00:26:28

almost

00:26:29

unusable skill

00:26:32

outside of what we do

00:26:34

in another society it wouldn't even be

00:26:36

functioning as is like a hundred years

00:26:37

ago i lived in korea right and i was my

00:26:40

families were rice i'm back in ireland

00:26:42

he's in korea yeah my we heard rice and

00:26:44

i'm a potato farmer yeah right and i'm

00:26:47

cracking jokes in the field yeah that's

00:26:49

it that's it that's what i'm doing i'm

00:26:51

running a day in the rice field right

00:26:53

right but if i was like friedman i'd be

00:26:55

in the government well you'd own the

00:26:57

rice field yeah i would own the rice

00:26:59

field by the way you collecting rice

00:27:00

cracking jokes oh my god so [ __ ]

00:27:02

funny yeah but we need to do a movie

00:27:04

where it's like dual world's happening

00:27:06

and i'm in a potato farm

00:27:08

and i'm stuffing potatoes in my ass to

00:27:09

get a laugh you know how those rice

00:27:10

teddy hats when i'm doing you could if

00:27:12

you had an aerial view you could see the

00:27:14

hats go up and down because i'm chilling

00:27:16

so hard

00:27:20

know what i mean but that's all i'm good

00:27:21

at how many bushels did you pick i

00:27:23

killed today

00:27:25

yeah yeah i know what you're saying

00:27:26

there's a question here's a question

00:27:29

you guys never wanted to be a scientist

00:27:35

[Laughter]

00:27:38

this is good sit this is really good

00:27:40

let me just explain something no i never

00:27:42

watched let me explain something okay

00:27:44

my parents said to me at the age of 16

00:27:47

because i got all f's

00:27:49

right like v's

00:27:50

for fun i for fun right my dad goes i'll

00:27:53

buy you brand new car if you just get c

00:27:57

in biology

00:27:59

right

00:28:00

i that semester

00:28:02

i [ __ ]

00:28:04

studied i did the tests right i got a d

00:28:09

are you serious yeah and i never got the

00:28:11

car you know it was crazy okay so my

00:28:12

point is this and i remember every night

00:28:15

i go you know what dude i am going to

00:28:17

[ __ ] study all the i couldn't

00:28:19

comprehend it

00:28:20

[Laughter]

00:28:23

and i get there yeah yeah you worked so

00:28:25

hard i worked so hard to get it to get

00:28:27

10 more points

00:28:39

you know sorry i ain't trying to diss

00:28:40

you but i got locked in juvenile yeah

00:28:44

and still gotta see

00:28:45

in goddamn chemistry after i got locked

00:28:48

up that's how [ __ ] smart it was i

00:28:50

even posted it on instagram you

00:28:52

[ __ ]

00:28:54

you see i guess cause i was trying to

00:28:56

prove my point

00:29:01

all i'm saying is everything is

00:29:03

information and information is all about

00:29:05

your desire and what you want to learn

00:29:06

it's just like did they ask neil

00:29:08

degrasse tyson was he great at math he

00:29:09

said no he said i just love to do the

00:29:11

science so i learned and i pushed to

00:29:14

learn the math that's all it is some

00:29:16

people have a better comprehension level

00:29:17

comprehension level something like this

00:29:19

okay i would say that like physically

00:29:20

there are some people smarter than

00:29:22

others because of physically they can't

00:29:24

but just because you're in your

00:29:25

positions doesn't mean you're not smart

00:29:27

it just means that they didn't say we're

00:29:29

not smart i'm saying they're smarter

00:29:31

than me yeah i'm smart they're smarter

00:29:34

than me

00:29:36

that's all he's saying here here i'm

00:29:37

tall nba players are taller than me

00:29:41

it can cause they both can exist

00:29:43

but you to say that those people aren't

00:29:44

smarter than me i know what you mean

00:29:46

you're picking out certain certain

00:29:48

scales of intelligence but there is an

00:29:50

over okay iq iq is a broad test that

00:29:55

shows your level of intellectual

00:29:56

abilities to comprehend different parts

00:29:59

of

00:29:59

of of math science social blah it's

00:30:02

everything right iq is the basis

00:30:04

stephen hawking's iq is higher than

00:30:06

yours and mine and his probably combined

00:30:08

if i'm being honest

00:30:10

but what i'm saying so yes he's smarter

00:30:12

than us

00:30:13

that's only there has to be a scale but

00:30:15

that's only because that was his see

00:30:17

also you have to remember you can't

00:30:19

refute the iq testing you

00:30:21

it depends on how you were born where

00:30:23

you were and what you what it just

00:30:25

depends on what you're attracted to so

00:30:26

you're if i believe this is what i

00:30:28

believe you're either everyone has the

00:30:30

ability to be a genius

00:30:31

physically how do we go from aliens to

00:30:33

this i forgot i totally forgot i totally

00:30:35

forgot we just went into a completely

00:30:37

different oh yeah the lady the other

00:30:39

lady that lady they showed the video who

00:30:40

has the highest iq on earth who has the

00:30:42

highest iq alive

00:30:44

despite being a college dropout marilyn

00:30:46

vos savant that's where the word savant

00:30:48

comes from gaining significant attention

00:30:49

when her estimated iq was scored two two

00:30:51

eight was listed in the guinness book of

00:30:52

world records in 85. famous for her

00:30:54

common parade magazine where she gained

00:30:56

critical uh attention for solving the

00:30:58

famous mathematical monty hall problem

00:31:00

oh

00:31:13

so you could just take care of yourself

00:31:15

anything else is what you apply yourself

00:31:18

to right so whatever she does that's

00:31:21

what she wanted to do she loved doing

00:31:23

that so you're gonna i'm telling you you

00:31:25

would be great at science you would be

00:31:27

great if that's what you had

00:31:29

a desire you're not that just wasn't i

00:31:31

had a desire to get a c

00:31:34

to get a car and i didn't happen

00:31:37

i put my desire in it

00:31:39

trust me

00:31:41

right

00:31:42

i hated taking the boss all my friends

00:31:43

at cars my desire was pure 100 a lot of

00:31:47

desire a lot of desire okay i got

00:31:48

something no because my my teachers used

00:31:50

to say i was a potential a student but i

00:31:52

played too much and that was the thing i

00:31:53

played too much and then once i got so

00:31:55

why didn't you have the intellectual

00:31:56

desire to not play too much why didn't i

00:31:58

have the intellectual desire to not play

00:32:00

too much you know grew up different

00:32:02

everybody has no because i think that's

00:32:04

not your path

00:32:06

i don't think it's meant for you okay

00:32:07

because your brain doesn't have that

00:32:09

thing i think that [ __ ] savant her

00:32:12

brain had the thing whether she liked it

00:32:14

or not we had the comedy thing whether

00:32:16

we liked it or not it was developed it

00:32:19

was developing it to make it a

00:32:21

career that is the next step but this

00:32:23

[ __ ] was born a genius she just had to

00:32:25

like child prodigies that can play like

00:32:28

a rock monologue piece at the age of

00:32:30

three i i can't play that's just like a

00:32:32

higher level of [ __ ] intelligence

00:32:34

every time they're sitting nothing it

00:32:36

don't is this maryland savannah what is

00:32:38

all that benefit them what is it does

00:32:39

for now oh i don't know change culture

00:32:42

inspire first where first of all so many

00:32:45

people that's what you do you change

00:32:46

culture you inspire doing what you do

00:32:47

okay but so many of our scientists have

00:32:49

come along that are look at this uh

00:32:50

[ __ ] elon musk 155 this picture was

00:32:52

two two eight that's how smart this

00:32:53

woman was right and timing

00:33:00

is it difficult for a woman but go ahead

00:33:01

no i'm saying i'm saying what science

00:33:04

has contributed

00:33:05

is we've cured disease let's go back to

00:33:08

aliens nothing there's no cures so if

00:33:10

the government created this other agency

00:33:12

this these this agency to specifically

00:33:15

look for ufos right doc

00:33:17

do they have an agency for like

00:33:21

exorcisms and you know i mean that kind

00:33:23

of a realm

00:33:24

like spiritual realms they haven't

00:33:26

announced nothing like that

00:33:27

so there isn't one i don't know it's not

00:33:30

the vatican city oh you think vatican

00:33:31

has one shadiest place on earth it's

00:33:33

pretty shitty no i've never been there

00:33:36

no

00:33:36

scary have you been to the vatican so

00:33:39

scary why

00:33:41

it's it's it's it is it is its own i'm

00:33:44

gonna misquote this it's its own

00:33:47

jurisdiction of everything they have

00:33:48

their own police their own banks their

00:33:50

own government

00:33:51

they don't have to obey to anything

00:33:53

no outside force can influence them

00:33:56

if someone gets murdered yeah in the

00:33:58

walls of the vatican

00:33:59

it doesn't need to ever leave the walls

00:34:01

of the vatican dude and i asked one of

00:34:03

our tour guides when i went there oh you

00:34:04

were just there well we didn't go this

00:34:06

time but i went the last time i went and

00:34:07

i said let me ask you a question you're

00:34:09

gonna find annoying and she was like

00:34:10

yeah yeah and i said how many people do

00:34:12

you think get killed or accidental

00:34:14

deaths

00:34:15

in these walls and she's like a few

00:34:18

times a year i think something happens

00:34:20

within these walls that never makes it

00:34:21

out wow a few times that's incredible

00:34:24

because who would know because you know

00:34:26

the gates are open during mass thousands

00:34:28

of people flood the square so if there's

00:34:30

beef or there's something going on

00:34:31

beneath the surface if it happens in the

00:34:33

square no one will know it's like the da

00:34:35

vinci code it is like the division yeah

00:34:37

yeah

00:34:38

it is like that [ __ ] davinci code

00:34:40

okay it's just shady to me dude god

00:34:42

bless the vatican good for you guys

00:34:44

don't kill me don't [ __ ]

00:34:46

maim me but i just that that to me

00:34:48

that's alien [ __ ] that's ufo stuff yeah

00:34:50

because you know they got some [ __ ] in

00:34:52

the vatican yeah all right so you set

00:34:53

the tone set the mood

00:34:55

set the tone ladies and gentlemen

00:34:57

hold on start again fancy's got to get

00:34:59

ready with this little [ __ ] camera

00:35:01

are you ready

00:35:03

ladies and gentlemen straight from the

00:35:04

paulie shore tournament

00:35:29

into polly

00:35:30

that's what this is

00:35:32

that's not cool dudes yeah yeah polly oh

00:35:35

just like what's up all right first of

00:35:37

all it's the juicy it's the juices here

00:35:40

the juices

00:35:42

first of all i got a bunch of uh dms i

00:35:44

got a bunch of ats and mentions

00:35:47

paulie

00:35:48

tagged us

00:35:49

because he took her out to dinner

00:35:51

and trying to like

00:35:52

show us up and you had the [ __ ] nerve

00:35:55

to say that his was better than ours i

00:35:57

said that's pretty this was really good

00:35:59

thank you paulie and he said

00:36:02

it was it wasn't even the same dimension

00:36:05

not even close you guys went to outback

00:36:07

steakhouse

00:36:08

what was it called what was it called i

00:36:09

was i don't i don't even know that's how

00:36:12

good it was

00:36:14

what was the one that we took you called

00:36:16

match does yeah you got it all right you

00:36:18

remember yeah you remember that you

00:36:19

never bought it

00:36:20

the one we went to wait what michael

00:36:22

jordan ate it the one we went to okay

00:36:24

first of all okay

00:36:28

let me show you something that's pretty

00:36:29

good let me show you something look up

00:36:30

michael jordan's steakhouse chicago

00:36:34

so michael jordan if you're gonna talk

00:36:35

about is he does he know about stakes he

00:36:37

knows about

00:36:38

basketball steakhouse

00:36:41

one of the worst let's look up some

00:36:42

reviews for michael jordan's steakhouse

00:36:45

maybe one of the worst steakhouses that

00:36:46

ever graced the city it was you went

00:36:49

there terrible you went there terrible

00:36:51

yeah i went there years and years ago

00:36:53

give me one review from this [ __ ] i

00:36:54

had one in new york and it closed down

00:36:56

it closed down it closed down in chicago

00:36:57

too it's not even open purse stolen

00:36:59

while eating a table

00:37:00

the food was average the steaks are

00:37:02

overcooked they also had a blue cheese

00:37:04

butter on top that was not that was a

00:37:05

weight or two that

00:37:06

stolen extremely disappointed in this

00:37:09

experience i am in chicago starting a

00:37:10

new medical residency

00:37:13

oh my god this guy's a nine-page

00:37:15

dissertation anyway michael jordan

00:37:17

doesn't know [ __ ] about steaks guy can

00:37:18

hoop but [ __ ] steaks we took you to the

00:37:20

spot and by the way now that he's trying

00:37:23

to trump us

00:37:24

we're taking you to mexico i said you're

00:37:26

getting authentic mexican food we're

00:37:28

going to mexico also you you you said to

00:37:30

me yesterday right that you have stories

00:37:32

about me

00:37:34

right things that paulie told you yeah

00:37:36

yeah

00:37:37

i'm giving you the the platform yeah to

00:37:39

run wild with them what's up jesus could

00:37:41

you

00:37:42

you seem like you knew information

00:37:44

that's going to embarrass me okay go

00:37:46

ahead you guys want to know the juice

00:37:52

all right all right um well there

00:37:55

was a story that he led into by uh a

00:37:57

time he made you cry okay how what was

00:38:00

it do you know it no i don't

00:38:02

he's made me cried so many times

00:38:05

oh there wasn't one yeah um

00:38:08

well i will say i don't remember i would

00:38:10

let her do it i wanted to see if you

00:38:12

knew it i do remember this it was in

00:38:13

michigan

00:38:14

i don't remember it let her do it oh

00:38:18

well

00:38:18

he wanted to go hang out with you in

00:38:20

your hotel room

00:38:22

that's not the story

00:38:23

well that's what he said no he goes

00:38:26

dude

00:38:27

right i'm not making a lot of money on

00:38:30

this gig so we're sharing this room

00:38:33

right

00:38:34

and i was in my room he had walked in

00:38:36

with his luggage right and i thought he

00:38:38

was being real and i go

00:38:40

oh but um

00:38:41

well why don't i just take like the

00:38:43

money you're paying me and i'll just get

00:38:44

my own room no dude we're i'm staying in

00:38:47

and it was like a queen-size bed

00:38:50

right

00:38:51

and i just thought

00:38:53

oh this is gonna be the worst weekend of

00:38:54

my life

00:38:55

and i i just started weeping

00:39:02

well he did tell me that earlier

00:39:04

throughout the tour he would lay on top

00:39:05

of you yeah which he did to me a couple

00:39:08

times and would yell bobby lee

00:39:11

wait he would just jump on top of you

00:39:12

and well like twice in north carolina it

00:39:14

would just stay did you want to tell

00:39:16

that story

00:39:18

he has a way of like you know he's not

00:39:21

you know a mean guy he's a nice guy

00:39:24

right but he's so eccentric and weird

00:39:26

right so he doesn't know like social

00:39:28

rules or you know people's personal

00:39:31

space maybe he's a genius

00:39:34

maybe he's a genius like the people we

00:39:35

talked about before nah he was an

00:39:38

absolute gentleman on the tour and i

00:39:40

think bobby ran or walked so i could run

00:39:44

bobby walked so she could run yeah what

00:39:46

does that mean because i'm kind of

00:39:47

following in your pocket i played the

00:39:48

groundwork yeah

00:39:50

i'm a door guy yeah i'm going on tour

00:39:52

just like you then yeah yeah yeah yeah

00:39:54

yeah yeah so i'm leading the way yeah

00:39:56

and he he

00:39:57

he treated you a lot worse than he

00:39:59

treated me

00:40:00

yeah he treated me really good he got

00:40:01

his massages wow

00:40:04

the [ __ ] blows my mind we had so many

00:40:07

fancy dinners like

00:40:09

that blows my mind you were with him on

00:40:10

tour 20 [ __ ] years ago

00:40:13

so dude one time i did you're paying for

00:40:15

this

00:40:16

you had to pay for the game yeah and i'm

00:40:18

like i have no money

00:40:20

i'm like oh i'll pay for it i get you

00:40:22

know what i mean

00:40:23

yeah but look at you look at you now

00:40:24

look at you now yeah she's right look at

00:40:26

you now yeah so um it was a pleasant

00:40:28

experience yeah but it was kind of weird

00:40:30

because i thought paulie shore was like

00:40:32

a ladies man

00:40:34

and he didn't get laid once oh he's

00:40:36

getting old he said cause i'm woke and

00:40:38

he didn't want to get busted but i think

00:40:40

i got the old polly yeah

00:40:42

you got the shriveled up propolis

00:40:44

that looks like a turtle yeah frank and

00:40:46

i were already like we're like i bet

00:40:48

he's gonna get laid at this one and he

00:40:50

didn't he's like let's just go back wow

00:40:52

it's so sad and you and frank are both

00:40:54

of you are in a relationship yeah yeah

00:40:56

his wife was a little concerned because

00:40:58

we were sharing a room the whole time

00:41:00

but she was concerned because of his

00:41:01

snoring so she she was concerned for me

00:41:05

not that something would happen

00:41:06

or his smell yeah he doesn't smell good

00:41:09

frank castillo yeah

00:41:11

why it just smells like weed old weed oh

00:41:14

well he smells he smokes weed yeah yeah

00:41:16

you don't like the smell of wheat yeah

00:41:18

well that's a youth did he smell no

00:41:20

he was he was great yeah do you smoke

00:41:22

weed no not really did he smoke in the

00:41:25

room no no oh he had his pants and stuff

00:41:28

yeah he gotta hit that pen also like

00:41:30

she's

00:41:30

the way she's dressed you can tell she

00:41:32

gets just got off tour with them

00:41:35

just like that the scarf

00:41:36

oh yeah i guess he has rubbed off on me

00:41:38

a little bit

00:41:39

literally that's his t-shirt his face on

00:41:41

him yeah he signed it

00:41:44

is that his merch i got the whistler

00:41:50

hey i got something uh a little souvenir

00:41:52

for you guys okay cool oh my god this is

00:41:54

so amazing by the way doc's been on the

00:41:56

show

00:41:57

for a year never got one thing not one

00:41:59

thing

00:42:00

but he also doesn't leave l.a

00:42:02

yeah that's true or yeah

00:42:05

that's pretty good you could bring us

00:42:06

something from home from amazon

00:42:09

you know what andrew you know sometimes

00:42:10

i go on vacation yeah right and i just

00:42:12

sit in my hotel room because i don't

00:42:14

know what to do i know you usually don't

00:42:15

have anything to do but i gotta tell you

00:42:16

with viator it's gonna make it easy it's

00:42:18

amazing it's the world's leading travel

00:42:20

experience marketplace offering

00:42:22

everything from simple tours to extreme

00:42:25

adventures and all at the niche

00:42:27

interesting stuff in between see someone

00:42:29

will say niche some of them say niche

00:42:30

and that's a niche thing about us they

00:42:32

put the critical combination of um

00:42:34

extensive options ease of selection and

00:42:36

flexibility at your fingertips to ensure

00:42:37

your time on vacay is wonderfully spent

00:42:40

and viator is the place like i like when

00:42:43

i go on vacation i like simple stuff

00:42:45

yeah a guy like you you like extreme

00:42:47

adventures very extreme dude i want to

00:42:48

jump out of a plane yeah yeah with a

00:42:50

horse below me viator has over 300 000

00:42:54

bookable experiences to choose from in

00:42:56

over

00:42:57

and ninety countries that's so many

00:42:58

countries you know i don't even know how

00:42:59

many countries

00:43:01

that sounds like a lot yeah uh they have

00:43:03

over 300 000 bookable experiences to

00:43:05

choose from that's amazing they're the

00:43:06

world's leading travel experience

00:43:08

marketplace and that's why we love them

00:43:10

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00:43:11

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00:43:22

good

00:43:25

oh my god are these polly shirts

00:43:28

and they're signed they're signed oh my

00:43:30

god

00:43:31

this is bobby

00:43:33

oh this is so cool oh this is so fun

00:43:36

look at this

00:43:38

sentinel oh this is so [ __ ] cool so

00:43:41

cool and you know what we should frame

00:43:42

these and put them up on the pocket look

00:43:44

at the new ropes near the bathroom

00:43:49

yeah they [ __ ] hate it

00:43:52

well if you guys

00:43:55

if you guys want to keep on their 20 for

00:43:57

the shirts and 25 for the headshots

00:44:01

dude you are learning

00:44:03

you're really good yeah this is really

00:44:04

[ __ ] nice thank you paulie man

00:44:06

we

00:44:08

oh we would love to have him if he wants

00:44:09

to do it yeah tour was amazing though i

00:44:12

want to go back i loved it so what what

00:44:14

places you play um good nights um i met

00:44:16

this guy i love charlie love raleigh uh

00:44:18

raleigh is great hephron john heffer i

00:44:21

love him brian brian yeah wait what is

00:44:24

that donor right you're not a road dog i

00:44:25

guess is that the owner brian wait wait

00:44:27

wait john heffron is a comic yeah but

00:44:29

brian hephron is too right yeah if you

00:44:31

guys were road road dogs you know

00:44:35

yeah so that's a cool club uh good night

00:44:38

i've played it before good night so it's

00:44:39

great hephron runs all the comedy zones

00:44:42

oh right right right so you want

00:44:44

charlotte to that that one we went good

00:44:45

nights and then uh comedy zones and uh

00:44:49

greensboro

00:44:51

uh charlotte which was off charlotte was

00:44:54

this huge room and then a in greenville

00:44:57

the greensboro one was like applebee's

00:44:59

turned into a comedy club which one was

00:45:01

outside i saw you guys doing it like an

00:45:02

outsider that yeah that was silverados

00:45:04

that was like a music venue

00:45:06

wow did you do well there or was it hard

00:45:08

it was awesome every show you killed

00:45:11

yeah and i got i got way better like

00:45:14

as the weekend went up as it went yeah

00:45:15

it happens

00:45:23

and then eventually maybe when we do our

00:45:25

bad friends tour

00:45:28

when we do the theater tour yeah no she

00:45:30

can't come on the tour that's right of

00:45:31

course she can come on

00:45:33

yeah of course you can like magically

00:45:35

black magic has to be on the tour you

00:45:37

guys have never met no it never feels

00:45:39

like i've known you for years though

00:45:40

yeah everybody talking you evolving from

00:45:41

the store yes

00:45:43

look how different he is we worked a lot

00:45:52

i told you that's what you guys had in

00:45:53

common you both are young two black

00:45:55

young black people and you both worked a

00:45:57

lot

00:45:58

when you were coming we told her told

00:46:00

them that you were black

00:46:01

and you believe jet ski johnson was

00:46:03

black

00:46:05

can i tell you something a woman named

00:46:07

jessica johnson definitely is a black

00:46:08

lady yeah i love that you guys are

00:46:10

calling me jet ski because you through

00:46:11

one episode single-handedly changed my

00:46:14

name to juice well juicy is you you're

00:46:16

still juicy to us you'll always be juicy

00:46:17

in our hearts you know we could come up

00:46:19

with a different uh do you like that one

00:46:20

or should we change it it's just

00:46:22

hilarious because i've gained probably

00:46:23

over seven thousand

00:46:27

keep followers her from you guys and now

00:46:29

and on the road

00:46:31

i'll get on stage juicy no

00:46:34

no be real yes that's awesome it might

00:46:36

be you know three out of a hundred still

00:46:39

that's good yeah

00:46:42

so can you tell us did you do a joke

00:46:44

that did you do a new joke on the road

00:46:46

that bombed

00:46:47

did you have anything that you hate [ __ ]

00:46:48

on

00:46:49

i never i didn't really like eat [ __ ]

00:46:51

but i figured some [ __ ] out like some

00:46:53

premises that i started out early that

00:46:55

didn't really have an ending yeah and i

00:46:57

would and frank and i would as soon as

00:46:59

we were done we'd go back and we'd just

00:47:01

like work on wow

00:47:02

it was awesome yeah i'll miss those days

00:47:05

cause that's over for us did you bring a

00:47:06

trumpet no i like that bit yeah i saw i

00:47:10

used to do that and then i stopped

00:47:11

because i wanted to be like a real

00:47:13

stand-up because i thought having a

00:47:15

trumpet in my act was not real it

00:47:17

doesn't matter

00:47:18

but the trump because

00:47:20

let me just see if i get this bit right

00:47:22

right but you bring the trumpet right

00:47:23

and you go this is my rape whistle yeah

00:47:25

about like eight minutes yeah i hold it

00:47:28

for about i don't mention it for about

00:47:29

eight minutes

00:47:30

and then you go oh this is my trunk

00:47:31

right and then you play it right you go

00:47:33

right then you play a little tune yeah

00:47:36

and then how does the bit go like say

00:47:38

you're walking down a dark alley at

00:47:39

night and someone's following you and

00:47:41

you just burp

00:47:43

that's great

00:47:45

hear you hear you

00:47:50

it's a good bit but like where do you i

00:47:52

do some impressions

00:47:53

of like

00:47:56

louis armstrong and miles davis

00:48:00

yeah but like where do you go from there

00:48:03

anywhere you [ __ ] want to go that's

00:48:05

incredible and i hung out with your

00:48:06

boyfriend a little last night we had a

00:48:07

conversation did you tell you he told me

00:48:09

about it yeah and he tried to get me to

00:48:11

go to um he goes hey you want to do this

00:48:13

gig in mammoth

00:48:15

yeah i'm like okay let me hear it right

00:48:17

he's like yeah it's a couple receipts

00:48:19

but you know it'll go real well oh it's

00:48:21

actually good is that the brewery really

00:48:23

sarah mello used to do one there oh you

00:48:24

know about it well is it still it's at

00:48:26

the brewery there in town i think he's

00:48:28

since moved it to a

00:48:30

i don't i can't keep track of it it's

00:48:32

but it's grown a lot and it's good and

00:48:34

you had mentioned that you wanted to

00:48:35

play at

00:48:36

like s'more alt rooms yeah so i was

00:48:39

thinking because i want to help there i

00:48:41

want to help him yeah what do you do you

00:48:43

and i just as fun go out there i'll do

00:48:45

that 100

00:48:47

this do what it's like 200 seats or 300

00:48:49

200 something seats if it's the same

00:48:50

spot sarah mello you know mello i love

00:48:52

her she did she's her birthday today

00:48:54

is it really it's ceremony i send her a

00:48:56

video

00:48:57

she did a show up there that i was at

00:48:58

the little brewery that's there in town

00:49:00

in mammoth and it was [ __ ] oh yeah

00:49:02

yeah it was

00:49:03

do you remember this yeah it was a

00:49:04

short-lived amount of time but that's

00:49:05

like

00:49:06

it's fun oh can we uh show you some of

00:49:08

his theories earlier on

00:49:10

right and this is a real thing

00:49:12

he wasn't kidding

00:49:14

so

00:49:15

at all it was sincere and any argument

00:49:18

argued it to death right so basically

00:49:20

did you know

00:49:22

that

00:49:23

me and stephen hawking

00:49:26

have the same intelligent level same

00:49:31

do you believe that

00:49:33

oh that's the whole theory yeah that's

00:49:34

the theory of he was basically saying

00:49:36

that there's no difference between

00:49:38

intelligent levels

00:49:40

between me and stephen hawking and him

00:49:42

essentially essentially it's you you're

00:49:44

only as smart as the things that you

00:49:46

care about to be smart at that's kind of

00:49:47

like if we cared about like quantum

00:49:49

physics then we could be and black holes

00:49:51

that we would be immersed in that

00:49:52

information and we'd know as much as

00:49:54

stephen hawking

00:49:56

that's what you that's your theory yeah

00:49:58

yeah if you read like if you love it and

00:50:00

you put yourself into it then i gave him

00:50:02

an example of him

00:50:03

yeah because neal said uh

00:50:06

he wasn't good at math neo like the

00:50:08

major

00:50:08

oh neil yeah what did you think

00:50:18

so but he said that he just because he

00:50:21

loved science he pushed he he was able

00:50:23

to go and dive into a deep so that's the

00:50:25

thing that i was trying to

00:50:28

bestow upon them like hey man you if you

00:50:30

if you're in that field and you love it

00:50:32

you're gonna become intelligent in that

00:50:34

just like they just like they their

00:50:36

style of comedy there's an intelligence

00:50:38

behind that because nobody can do that

00:50:41

what we do is rare

00:50:44

so scientists are rare if you go into

00:50:46

science you're going to know how to so

00:50:47

theoretically theoretically if stephen

00:50:49

hawking wanted to do stand-up

00:50:51

and his heart was in the up he could do

00:50:53

be as good as us can i tell you

00:50:55

something that's what he wanted to do if

00:50:56

that's what he wanted to do

00:50:58

welcome

00:51:01

i'm glad to be here this guy knows what

00:51:03

i'm talking about

00:51:08

we used to do character shows in arizona

00:51:10

where you dress up as a character and

00:51:11

you stand up as that character and i

00:51:14

would go as nebula hawking who was

00:51:16

stephen hawking's niece

00:51:18

and i would write my set out on an ipad

00:51:20

and i'd had someone push me up to the

00:51:22

microphone and i'd hit play

00:51:25

and it would play the act that's that's

00:51:27

amazing would it do well yeah it would

00:51:30

kill you

00:51:31

it was like while my uncle spent his

00:51:33

life studying the stars i spend my life

00:51:35

trying to be a star

00:51:38

do you have a manager yes who rachel

00:51:40

williams levity oh that's cool

00:51:43

yeah jessica that's amazing agent

00:51:45

no oh asian asian you have asians yeah

00:51:48

do you have any

00:51:50

just one you need at least one in this

00:51:52

town yeah

00:51:53

yeah you know you have a goldy hot like

00:51:56

old school goldie hunt likeability

00:51:59

okay don't you think she does i i i

00:52:00

couldn't even comment about that

00:52:03

i don't know about goldie hawn's like a

00:52:04

bit i mean i mean back in the day she

00:52:06

was like when she went uh what was that

00:52:08

that she was the sergeant what was the

00:52:10

military one that she did

00:52:13

paulie said he's going to take me to

00:52:14

perform for their troops

00:52:17

have you guys ever done that oh private

00:52:18

benjamin yeah private benjamin right

00:52:20

there you are you i could see you as the

00:52:23

next private benjamin

00:52:24

take me there bobby like she's like just

00:52:26

kind of like

00:52:27

your fish out of water you know what i

00:52:29

mean i couldn't agree with you more yeah

00:52:30

yeah

00:52:31

honestly that is juicy right that's

00:52:33

juicy maybe we could call it in the army

00:52:35

now

00:52:37

part two part two part two part two let

00:52:39

me ask you some serious questions about

00:52:41

paulie are you a fan of his movies

00:52:44

yes now i hadn't seen like any of them

00:52:47

she never saw all right how old are you

00:52:48

20 32. oh you are yeah so you saw you

00:52:51

saw what you saw biodome i've seen them

00:52:54

all now yeah son-in-law son-in-law yeah

00:52:57

yeah i literally just watched them like

00:52:59

on the road just now just to catch up

00:53:00

yeah yeah cause he was like halfway

00:53:02

through the tour he's made a joke about

00:53:04

one of the movies and then looked at me

00:53:05

and he's like have you seen any of my

00:53:07

movies and i think he felt kind of sad

00:53:09

you know people don't really remember i

00:53:11

mean the dude [ __ ] jury duty encino

00:53:13

man

00:53:14

so many [ __ ] like so many huge movies

00:53:16

for the for those times where polly

00:53:18

shore is dead

00:53:19

i haven't seen that one

00:53:21

yeah he cut me out of that

00:53:23

oh he's mad at you by the way okay tell

00:53:25

me why because

00:53:27

he said that

00:53:28

he had this movie idea a long time ago

00:53:30

and now that you're like famous you

00:53:33

can't you won't produce it it's called

00:53:35

capture

00:53:39

go ahead bob you want to comment about

00:53:40

that

00:53:42

okay

00:53:44

can i tell you the movie idea yeah i

00:53:46

don't even know we'd love to hear it did

00:53:49

did you do it as you too

00:53:51

okay well that's how he said it to me oh

00:53:53

oh oh he's pitching it to me he was

00:53:55

pitching it to me oh go ahead go ahead

00:53:57

dude so

00:53:58

you're my neighbor right

00:54:00

right and you

00:54:01

you just got a college guy right

00:54:05

just normal guy right how long ago was

00:54:07

this pitch 15 years ago at least and he

00:54:09

goes d did

00:54:10

i capture you did and you're in a well

00:54:14

i go i'm in a well

00:54:16

you know like silence of the lands dude

00:54:18

yep right and i like feed you like mochi

00:54:21

balls

00:54:22

funny right and i go okay

00:54:24

what happens we become best friends

00:54:28

this is a great movie

00:54:29

i know

00:54:30

but at the time i'm like he feeds you

00:54:33

mochi balls and you become friends do

00:54:34

you put the mochi in the basket yeah i

00:54:36

don't know i mean that's as far as he

00:54:37

went i didn't maybe i should ask more

00:54:39

questions he puts the mochi and the best

00:54:43

yeah and he by the way

00:54:48

i don't know dude i think that's a good

00:54:49

movie you think so yeah why not but to

00:54:52

me at the time there was like no let me

00:54:53

put some other parameters around okay

00:54:55

okay

00:54:56

so creepy by the way

00:54:58

um

00:54:59

uh let me put some parameters here's

00:55:00

what here's like the time period you

00:55:02

have to shift to okay

00:55:04

what i think it is is like let's say

00:55:06

there's a fake war times that set up

00:55:09

and

00:55:09

he's there he's captured an asian

00:55:12

right

00:55:14

and so when you're saying this is a

00:55:15

period piece yes and you're trespassing

00:55:17

on his property

00:55:18

he's a guy

00:55:19

i got it right now yeah he's a guy

00:55:22

because he has that like

00:55:24

surf revive see he's in hawaii during

00:55:26

pearl harbor that's right right dude

00:55:29

you're right

00:55:30

look at all the planes dude and incoming

00:55:32

they're

00:55:34

can you play japanese right

00:55:37

perfect right yeah well you play paulie

00:55:39

and then i'm yeah you're right

00:55:41

so are they bombing us dude yeah

00:55:44

i'm like

00:55:48

your plane crashes on his property but

00:55:50

you live well i'm the worst of them yeah

00:55:52

you're the worst comic book my eyes are

00:55:54

not good what if your vision you're

00:55:56

slanty but also

00:55:58

i don't have good vision you have bad

00:55:59

vision right and i'm kind of little you

00:56:02

know what i mean what's up a little off

00:56:04

upstairs yeah a little off so you crash

00:56:05

on his property after a minute

00:56:09

right and i go land i crash into his

00:56:11

house dude you crashed into my jello pit

00:56:13

oh you're not

00:56:15

you know emperor hirohito is a sun god

00:56:18

oh bro are you trying to hurt america

00:56:21

yeah

00:56:22

oh i've got to lock you up so you become

00:56:25

a prisoner of the world right okay

00:56:27

i get it i like it and through

00:56:29

connections

00:56:30

you slowly bond this beautiful loving

00:56:32

friendship right do you have more of the

00:56:34

mochi boy

00:56:36

you like the most yeah yeah you know i

00:56:38

want the more multi-board one more idea

00:56:41

thank you and what happens is hey hey

00:56:44

that's not a mochi ball that's my sack

00:56:46

that's my sack bag

00:56:48

yeah he tricks me right right right but

00:56:51

it's still good

00:56:53

so now you're sucking on his mochi balls

00:56:56

and then later at night you share

00:56:58

stories about your past and his past and

00:57:00

you find out

00:57:02

you have much more in common than you

00:57:03

ever dreamed oh what is it

00:57:07

that you're both outcast losers and both

00:57:09

in your families never accepted you for

00:57:10

who you really were you tell me story i

00:57:12

see i relate

00:57:14

okay okay here we go when i was a kid

00:57:18

well real quick quick lick of mochi bar

00:57:20

please oh here

00:57:22

we go thank you continue

00:57:25

when i was a little boy dude fatty

00:57:30

my family didn't like the way i was so i

00:57:33

played by myself in the neighborhood and

00:57:35

one time

00:57:37

i was molested by a mentally handicapped

00:57:39

person

00:57:40

oh

00:57:41

me too

00:57:43

why

00:57:44

oh yeah buddy

00:57:46

he was number one rice maker

00:57:51

okay i don't know if i can relate to

00:57:52

that part no but i'm going to tell you

00:57:54

oh he has a part okay but he does not

00:57:57

think i'll go right make myself oh

00:58:01

he put me down like you right right

00:58:04

right yes and that one

00:58:05

[Music]

00:58:07

and then my dad would hit me with golf

00:58:09

dude but he hit me with his uh your

00:58:12

seminars

00:58:14

same thing

00:58:16

yeah look at this this is the tale of

00:58:17

two friends yeah i really like this a

00:58:20

pearl harbor kamikaze pilot gone wrong

00:58:22

what

00:58:25

i think doctors realized how brilliant

00:58:27

that was and that is the same level of

00:58:29

genius as stephen hawking is so bad

00:58:33

go piss yeah thank you doc thank you

00:58:36

talk do you need help to get there do

00:58:38

you know where

00:58:39

okay good thank you doc thank you doc

00:58:41

that pinot is

00:58:42

it's

00:58:44

it's next level pinot i'll tell you he's

00:58:46

on the pinot he's yeah

00:58:48

what do you think of our new captured

00:58:50

movie yeah i think it's brilliant i

00:58:51

think that doc's right you guys have the

00:58:54

same level of genius as stephen hawking

00:58:57

maybe we do yeah maybe so you'll produce

00:59:00

it

00:59:01

no

00:59:02

he's gonna

00:59:05

we pitch it to paul right but you know

00:59:08

um i'll produce it

00:59:10

i i think here's my problem with it

00:59:12

right i think that you know the movie's

00:59:15

fine it's just what happens in between

00:59:18

the movie when we're shooting i'm a

00:59:20

little afraid of he's different now i'm

00:59:22

telling you like he pinches my nipples

00:59:24

really hard well you know what i mean

00:59:26

you got pinchable nipples i do he didn't

00:59:28

do that to me once you're a girl he also

00:59:31

lays on you but he did lay on you right

00:59:32

yeah but he was showing me what he did

00:59:34

to you oh god that's a good way around

00:59:36

in the past

00:59:44

i never laid on any of my features

00:59:48

there's never a thing

00:59:49

really

00:59:50

it was more like he sat on me i've never

00:59:52

sat on any of my feet did you guys do a

00:59:53

tour bus or no no we did rental car oh

00:59:57

cool it's a great experience god it was

00:59:58

so fun you guys have just been doing

01:00:01

this for a long time then yeah it's a

01:00:03

little different when you're headlining

01:00:05

though yeah it's it's not as fun well

01:00:07

the responsibility level is much higher

01:00:08

featuring i've always said is

01:00:10

[ __ ] such a sweet spot it's such a

01:00:12

sweet it's not going to last forever you

01:00:13

obviously want to ascend and have your

01:00:15

own thing but it's

01:00:17

it's so fun man the pressure it's almost

01:00:19

non-existent you you worry about numbers

01:00:22

you start worrying about like everything

01:00:24

selling tickets selling worry about

01:00:25

selling tickets and filling seats and it

01:00:27

becomes a whole thing how much money you

01:00:28

can make because you can make enough to

01:00:29

take other people on the road and

01:00:31

that that analytics of all of it it

01:00:33

stinks but when you're in your spot yeah

01:00:36

[ __ ] it forget don't even think about

01:00:37

your prime time have the most fun you've

01:00:39

ever had this is the best time of my

01:00:40

life deserve it man it really is the

01:00:42

best it's the best time of my life like

01:00:44

i i i look back and i'm glad i

01:00:47

have been grinding and all that stuff

01:00:49

and blah blah blah

01:00:50

but yeah this is awesome and then i

01:00:53

literally just got off the plane from

01:00:54

the tour and walked right into the

01:00:56

studio here with you guys like it's a

01:00:57

dream how [ __ ] party is that that's

01:00:59

amazing that's [ __ ] really [ __ ]

01:01:01

that's amazing

01:01:02

and we're gonna go on tour together we

01:01:04

are we are we're going to mexico yeah

01:01:07

we just have you have to kick someone

01:01:08

out so you're taking someone's seat it's

01:01:10

one of those two guys in the window so i

01:01:11

think you can guess what you want

01:01:13

what she said that she wants to kick

01:01:15

george out after last episode yeah

01:01:17

george is absolutely not coming on tour

01:01:18

with us i'd rather kill myself and have

01:01:20

that guy in the [ __ ] bus are you

01:01:21

kidding me you okay yeah i was holding

01:01:23

this [ __ ] for about an hour i said god

01:01:25

damn how often do you pee do you pee a

01:01:27

lot no

01:01:28

once a day i'll pee about

01:01:31

about maybe four or five times a day how

01:01:33

many times do you pee a day i've never

01:01:35

counted

01:01:36

how many times do you pee a day

01:01:42

three or four times

01:01:43

i feel like i'd be way more than that

01:01:45

three times for me that's eight four

01:01:46

times yeah i piss right in the morning

01:01:49

then i piss after i've had my coffee

01:01:51

[ __ ] breakfast combo

01:01:53

and then i probably don't piss again

01:01:54

until the after like i'm about to piss

01:01:55

in about an hour from now you don't

01:01:57

drink a lot of water i drink a [ __ ] load

01:01:58

i try to drive yeah i do but it stays in

01:02:01

there the worst though is when you're

01:02:02

big sleeping the boy's got a big block

01:02:08

dude my dick's been getting so how'd you

01:02:09

know because

01:02:11

you know that that's a reaction to make

01:02:12

sure you don't piss yourself is that

01:02:13

really yes yeah my dick gets hard all

01:02:15

the time now at night at night yeah yeah

01:02:17

that's also your libido checking in

01:02:19

being like hey i'd like to come

01:02:20

sometimes is that what it is yeah yeah

01:02:22

sending a signal from your brain but

01:02:24

also at night you will get a hard on

01:02:25

you'll get an erection your [ __ ] will

01:02:26

fill with blood so make sure that you

01:02:28

pinch it now well you don't do that you

01:02:29

don't have to do that yeah i pinch it

01:02:30

hard you don't have to do that to go go

01:02:32

down go down you don't have to do that

01:02:34

yeah you don't have to hurt it you can

01:02:35

just talk to it yeah but i ca it doesn't

01:02:37

go down if i don't pitch it you can

01:02:38

think about to watch something awful and

01:02:40

gruesome does it i have to hurt it

01:02:42

is that funny that our dicks can fill

01:02:43

with blood to stop us from urinating in

01:02:44

the middle of night but like you can't

01:02:46

there's nothing that happens to you no i

01:02:47

just bleed through my vagina

01:02:52

that's pretty cool i don't think that

01:02:53

has anything to do with you having a

01:02:54

piss but yeah

01:02:55

does it affect your mood like like some

01:02:57

girls it affects them does it affect

01:02:59

your mood welcome back

01:03:04

hell yeah

01:03:05

i get really sad like a week before

01:03:08

i always forget because it's

01:03:09

pre-menstrual pms i it took me like a

01:03:13

billion years to learn that did you have

01:03:14

an embarrassing period store when you

01:03:15

first got your period because i know a

01:03:17

lot of girlfriends of mine had like a

01:03:19

yeah like they always had a shitty first

01:03:20

time story because they didn't know or

01:03:22

their mom didn't tell them or they had

01:03:24

like a very vague conversation about it

01:03:26

my mom

01:03:27

like told me about it and was so cool

01:03:29

and got me like you know a variety of

01:03:32

supplies

01:03:33

and i it was just confusing and i told

01:03:36

her afterwards i was like i'm just glad

01:03:38

it's done yeah and she said

01:03:41

you know this is gonna happen every

01:03:42

month right forever and i was like

01:03:45

what

01:03:46

i thought it was a one and done like you

01:03:48

get it and then that the reality of the

01:03:51

world set in on me

01:03:53

but it was hard to get a hold of it i

01:03:55

remember being in class and like oh i

01:03:58

guess it started and getting up there's

01:03:59

just blood on my seat wow and i just got

01:04:01

to shuffle out of there because i've

01:04:02

heard that story a few times yeah yeah

01:04:04

in junior high i might have just blood

01:04:06

came out of your dick once a month what

01:04:08

do you mean imagine yeah

01:04:17

yeah it's an extra thing to think about

01:04:19

imagine if it came for guys if it just

01:04:21

came out of your mouth if you just were

01:04:22

talking yeah

01:04:23

all right if you just started bleeding

01:04:24

if you're like yeah we're going to go to

01:04:25

blind

01:04:27

there's blood boring you're like i'm so

01:04:29

tired

01:04:31

and you have to see cotton in your mouth

01:04:34

yeah yeah it's [ __ ] awful yeah but

01:04:37

sometimes i kind of like it because like

01:04:38

oh like the pain i i think i kind of

01:04:42

have a high tolerance for pain and so

01:04:44

like i'll start to kind of hallucinate a

01:04:46

little bit whoa but not in like a

01:04:48

dangerous way like i don't think it's

01:04:50

like a

01:04:51

whoa but you know when you're in pain

01:04:52

sometimes and yeah but you mean like

01:04:54

from the blood loss

01:04:56

i i know like the cramps oh oh the pain

01:04:58

the physical pain the physical the

01:04:59

physical pain

01:05:00

and you don't take anything you don't

01:05:01

take advil or [ __ ]

01:05:04

no i take this stuff that my stepmom

01:05:06

she's like neopathic so she'll she sends

01:05:09

me some stuff like like a essential oil

01:05:11

well tell the girl fans what it is

01:05:13

there's some there's a lot of chick fans

01:05:14

out here that want to know we'll put a

01:05:15

link i don't know what it's called but

01:05:16

fancy i'll get you the link fancy get

01:05:18

that [ __ ] for the period

01:05:21

i was listening because it is a [ __ ]

01:05:22

nightmare yeah let's get some bad

01:05:23

friends i don't want to overstep i know

01:05:25

i just you're here baby

01:05:28

i was listening with this american life

01:05:29

and there was a story of a girl who met

01:05:31

this guy

01:05:32

and she really liked they were an acting

01:05:34

class or whatever and in new york and

01:05:36

they hook up one night and then she was

01:05:38

on her period and she goes i don't wanna

01:05:40

you know i'm i mean it's that time of

01:05:41

month he's like i don't care but like

01:05:44

four in the morning she looked at all

01:05:45

the sheets and they're all bloody right

01:05:47

so she stole his sheets

01:05:49

and put it in her bag

01:05:50

and she left like and she was walking

01:05:52

down and she had to go through some sort

01:05:54

of security check or something and the

01:05:56

cops saw the bloody sheets so they

01:05:57

thought she murdered somebody so then

01:05:59

she had to go back to the [ __ ]

01:06:00

apartment and the cops had a knock on

01:06:02

this guy's door and to see if he was

01:06:04

alive right and then she had to go yeah

01:06:06

i stole your sheets how embarrassing is

01:06:07

that how crazy of a story if he went if

01:06:09

she went back to the apartment he was

01:06:10

dead

01:06:11

that's that's a good

01:06:13

show yeah that's the start of a good

01:06:15

[ __ ] series yeah yeah the coincidence

01:06:17

of it right but he's but he's dead but

01:06:19

it's with a handgun to his head and

01:06:22

they're like this couldn't be blood from

01:06:23

that that would be impossible yeah this

01:06:25

is not that the blood's on the wall it's

01:06:26

that way how do the how do the sheets

01:06:28

have all this blood but then they test

01:06:30

the dna on the sheets and it's not even

01:06:31

her blood

01:06:35

it's not even her blood it's someone

01:06:36

else's but it's not even his blood

01:06:39

it's not his blood either where on the

01:06:40

wall from his head yeah

01:06:42

yeah

01:06:44

it's a blood from this wall right yeah

01:06:46

well i'm a chimp it's from a chimp yeah

01:06:48

a chimp blood whoa a chimps period blood

01:06:53

chips period blood make this move

01:06:57

and that's why if you're a female killer

01:06:59

you always kill while you're

01:07:00

menstruating that's right

01:07:02

if you're gonna stab someone ladies

01:07:03

that's the moral of the story make sure

01:07:05

you're bleeding

01:07:06

yeah make sure it's just spraying

01:07:08

everywhere you're stabbing and spraying

01:07:11

get a little [ __ ] funnel to spray it

01:07:12

on him when you're chilling oh sorry

01:07:14

officer i was on my period

01:07:18

the twin the twist is the office there's

01:07:20

a chimp

01:07:21

oh yeah it's a chimney got one of the

01:07:24

cops the chips

01:07:26

you're knocking the door and you answer

01:07:27

the door it's a chimp and he's got two

01:07:28

knives he's like

01:07:30

yeah and he starts stabbing you

01:07:33

then you're like what are you doing

01:07:34

you're a cop he's like

01:07:35

yeah yeah whoa crazy world what a crazy

01:07:38

world what a great you want to direct it

01:07:40

i want to be in it oh what do you want

01:07:42

to play i'll direct it you saw how good

01:07:43

of an actress she was when we did acting

01:07:45

scenes in the room here oh that was

01:07:46

amazing

01:07:47

really good stuff

01:07:49

yeah doc would

01:07:50

would you mind directing it yeah yeah

01:07:52

okay

01:07:54

because we don't have anybody in our

01:07:55

crew that directs anything do we yeah

01:07:57

i want to do a movie with them and do

01:07:59

the loving story what's that sorry that

01:08:01

story about the two you know remember is

01:08:03

it that they're called the loving i mean

01:08:06

they were the um the first people the

01:08:08

black and white couple right and then

01:08:09

they it was against the law

01:08:11

and then they did that oh what are the

01:08:13

last names um find out the last names

01:08:17

the first interracial couple i know what

01:08:18

you're talking about yeah the first

01:08:19

interracial couple but we're not the

01:08:21

first of all we do a comedy spin on them

01:08:23

though um

01:08:25

it was the first interracial couple uh

01:08:28

like in a

01:08:29

first generation

01:08:30

interracial marriage

01:08:32

loving day june 12th is loving day yeah

01:08:34

interracial marriage uh finally became

01:08:36

legal in the united states june january

01:08:38

26 1965 this photo shows mildred is

01:08:40

about wild that they were gonna didn't

01:08:42

they go to prison for it or something

01:08:44

because they were well no no they were

01:08:46

they were

01:08:47

this caused

01:08:49

this to become a law that it's legal for

01:08:52

interracial but in 1965 you couldn't do

01:08:54

it

01:08:55

prior to that insane yeah yeah no it's

01:08:57

[ __ ]

01:08:58

jackie roberson was getting it in though

01:09:02

just let that sit

01:09:04

i wasn't

01:09:06

let it sit because i don't know what the

01:09:08

[ __ ] you mean i know what he means

01:09:10

yeah explain it to explain he was

01:09:12

smashing white women back in history he

01:09:14

was [ __ ] these white houses yeah he

01:09:15

was getting it he was out in these

01:09:16

streets okay it depends on who you are

01:09:18

you can [ __ ] out there in the streets

01:09:19

back when you could [ __ ] but you

01:09:21

couldn't get married that was what you

01:09:22

all thought was yeah i'm sure sydney

01:09:24

pointy [ __ ] white girls too that's my

01:09:25

point they would

01:09:26

he they they had to hide it he actually

01:09:28

liked asian women sydney pottier did he

01:09:30

really big time loved asian girls

01:09:33

was not a big fan of of uh of white

01:09:35

women oh wow i have a story that

01:09:37

somebody told me that's a lie

01:09:39

i have a story that somebody told me and

01:09:41

i i feel so guilty because it's hearsay

01:09:44

yeah but we gotta hear it

01:09:50

a huge fan of this woman that i'm about

01:09:52

to talk about so i don't want to hurt

01:09:53

her feelings oh go ahead okay i'm going

01:09:55

to do it all right

01:09:56

so back in the day 90s i used to do

01:09:58

shows with this guy named dave tyree

01:10:01

don't remember that person okay he was a

01:10:02

old black comic oh yeah dave you know

01:10:04

dave tyree right he used to do a bit

01:10:06

about um oh yeah that's dave tyree

01:10:10

right that's just

01:10:11

paulie by the way yeah yeah

01:10:13

and he was a funny guy right

01:10:15

yeah um sure

01:10:17

i don't know he really was yeah okay for

01:10:19

the time i wasn't there yeah and tyree

01:10:21

was like let me tell you a story

01:10:23

and i go where's he from i don't know

01:10:25

detroit okay

01:10:27

why it's just a little accent i heard a

01:10:29

little actually was it asian yeah right

01:10:31

yeah

01:10:32

let me tell you a story every time you

01:10:33

got an accent you go let me tell you a

01:10:34

story i don't know

01:10:37

i don't know where it is

01:10:38

is that what you heard guys is that what

01:10:40

you heard absolutely let me tell you let

01:10:42

me tell you a story let me tell you a

01:10:43

story is that fine sure let me just keep

01:10:46

doing it yeah yeah yeah i go i don't

01:10:48

want your story right now

01:10:50

i'm gonna tell you a story okay fine no

01:10:51

it was different than the first time

01:10:52

thank you yeah so anyway he goes back in

01:10:54

the day when i moved to la right i met

01:10:57

richard pryor

01:10:59

i'm like cool is that it no

01:11:01

he invites me to a party

01:11:03

right

01:11:04

and

01:11:05

cocaine

01:11:07

everything's

01:11:08

happening i mean people having sex in

01:11:10

the living room right it was wild he

01:11:12

said right drunk and then

01:11:16

[ __ ] pryor comes up to him and goes

01:11:18

you like asian [ __ ]

01:11:20

and dave tyree goes i guess yeah it's

01:11:22

alright you know what i mean come here

01:11:23

come here he goes in a room there was an

01:11:27

asian lady laying on her back she was

01:11:28

completely naked

01:11:30

she wasn't passed out she was loose you

01:11:32

know

01:11:32

he goes go ahead right are these guys

01:11:34

dead by the way david tyree dead no he's

01:11:36

still alive okay

01:11:39

we'll find out where the story goes

01:11:41

but the girl was a naked asian it was

01:11:43

connie chung

01:11:45

shut the [ __ ] up whoa

01:11:47

connie chung and she was just letting

01:11:49

everyone have i don't know that's what

01:11:51

he told me

01:11:52

and i didn't sleep for a week man

01:11:54

comedy's just not like that anymore

01:11:57

i know you you're never at a party and

01:11:59

you wanted some did you go and it's

01:12:00

anderson cooper completely naked

01:12:02

i have been to that party yeah actually

01:12:04

yeah i have been to that point and i

01:12:05

don't even think that's true there's no

01:12:07

way that story's true why why would it

01:12:08

not be

01:12:10

because she's a newscaster and she you

01:12:11

know they don't like dick

01:12:13

yeah what was that nancy pelosi she was

01:12:15

getting it on right getting [ __ ] sm

01:12:18

by who like it wasn't she blowing

01:12:20

everybody blowing everybody dude wait

01:12:22

wait wait nancy pelosi was blowing who

01:12:23

the insurrectionist what happened

01:12:30

nancy pelosi is that the story maybe i

01:12:33

got the wrong person yeah i don't know

01:12:39

was she was she with jfk

01:12:43

are you thinking she was blowing him

01:12:44

that's what made his head explode

01:12:49

how did jackie not see

01:12:51

pelosi sucking off kennedy in that car

01:12:54

that's the conspiracy

01:12:56

so she was the second shooter yeah

01:12:59

yeah i could have sworn there was this

01:13:01

big story going around that when she was

01:13:03

younger she gave everybody hand chops

01:13:05

that's that's cool that's cool

01:13:08

i like that one is cool i like that

01:13:10

that's a cool thing to do yeah so you

01:13:12

know they get around

01:13:14

well i love how i love how p types and

01:13:16

nancy pelosi hand job

01:13:17

when they when they seize that laptop

01:13:19

from the fence

01:13:23

where that guy went to remember the

01:13:24

insurrection

01:13:26

and he was sitting like this on nancy

01:13:28

pelosi's office maybe he was looking for

01:13:30

a hand job oh waiting patience yeah like

01:13:32

i heard about this girl maybe that's

01:13:34

what he was saying some it's probably

01:13:35

some other white lady in politics and

01:13:38

all the fans are gonna say it on the

01:13:40

comments who do we think it could be

01:13:42

yeah i don't think you can hear the

01:13:44

connie chunk thing i feel bad about

01:13:45

saying it it's just a story that you

01:13:47

heard from somebody that says it's not a

01:13:48

real story times we're different times

01:13:50

we're different 70s 70s 70s yeah yeah

01:13:53

you're right

01:13:54

70s yeah

01:13:55

i just don't want more pokemon have you

01:13:56

ever been i want maury povich to come

01:13:58

after me here i mean he's in a

01:14:00

wheelchair maybe

01:14:02

have you ever been to a hollywood party

01:14:03

where was like filled with sex and drugs

01:14:04

like that

01:14:05

one i've been to one as well really yeah

01:14:08

yeah one time it must have been a long

01:14:10

time ago yeah long stops canceled was it

01:14:12

in the hills no what was it so um

01:14:15

so

01:14:16

i did this naka conference

01:14:19

[ __ ] do you know what naca is oh that's

01:14:20

so funny that was our journey

01:14:22

naca was the the national association of

01:14:24

college yes it's something it was for to

01:14:27

do college shows

01:14:28

yeah and they stopped booking me because

01:14:30

you know basically you go and they have

01:14:31

all these colleges in the region and

01:14:33

they come and they always said to me you

01:14:36

have to be squeaky clean and i never did

01:14:37

you had to be so every time i would

01:14:39

perform half the room would walk out

01:14:41

yeah

01:14:42

they just would walk out and i could see

01:14:44

my um college age agent just go

01:14:47

in the back like

01:14:49

because back then he just showed his

01:14:50

[ __ ] pews when you were young

01:14:52

back then

01:14:53

you couldn't make any money doing clubs

01:14:55

because you weren't a headliner yet you

01:14:56

couldn't get eight rooms but you could

01:14:57

get paid big money to do college college

01:15:00

schwartz and those guys did i mean

01:15:01

they'd clean up but i did not book a lot

01:15:05

but there was one girl who was religious

01:15:08

but she thought i was attractive right

01:15:10

so i exchanged numbers and i go you know

01:15:12

what i want to do

01:15:13

i'm gonna i'm going to vegas

01:15:16

and i'm because at the time dave navarro

01:15:19

i knew dave navarro

01:15:20

dave navarro the rockstar

01:15:24

and so i bring this religious girl to

01:15:27

his bachelor party

01:15:28

what yeah

01:15:30

right and it's in vegas i forgot what

01:15:32

hotel is bringing a girl but i remember

01:15:34

going to the floor of the hotel and

01:15:36

everything's pitch black with these

01:15:38

candles and there was like blood on the

01:15:40

wall it was like [ __ ] crazy

01:15:42

right and you hear like bats

01:15:45

like you know what i mean

01:15:46

and she's like i can feel it she's i'm

01:15:48

holding her hands and she's shaking

01:15:50

right

01:15:50

and i go i don't know what's going on

01:15:52

here you know what i mean

01:15:53

just we open this door

01:15:55

and there's this table with two women

01:15:58

and they have two dildos

01:16:00

right and they're [ __ ] each other on

01:16:02

this thing right and other men are on

01:16:04

their jerking off

01:16:06

right

01:16:07

and i'm trying to act cool like this is

01:16:09

a part of my life this is normal

01:16:12

right i'm just kind of

01:16:13

you know what i mean and i just remember

01:16:16

it being the scariest place

01:16:18

i've ever been did you do anything

01:16:20

though i made love to her in the hotel

01:16:22

room you did yeah sweet love no no

01:16:27

yeah

01:16:28

though

01:16:35

kind of like sexual experience but i

01:16:37

just remember that was like my first

01:16:38

there was like you know it was weird

01:16:41

and you know what's normal christian sex

01:16:43

like

01:16:44

what i do well i'll tell you what i do

01:16:46

right i take the sheet i take scissors

01:16:48

and i put a little hole in it for your

01:16:50

mouth right you say grace first yeah and

01:16:53

i lay her on her back god please bless

01:16:55

this food that i'm about to receive

01:16:57

i lay the whole sheet over her body

01:16:59

right so you can't see each other so i

01:17:01

can't see each other and i see the

01:17:02

little opening right

01:17:03

and i [ __ ] in the belly button

01:17:07

no i do missionary and maybe a couple of

01:17:09

extra side moves

01:17:11

i went to a celebrity's house a long

01:17:13

time ago that i didn't belong at

01:17:16

and it wasn't like anything absurd

01:17:18

people were doing drugs for sure

01:17:20

but i walked in on somebody [ __ ]

01:17:23

in a room and i was like oh [ __ ]

01:17:25

and i and they both looked at me and

01:17:27

they were like what's wrong it's okay

01:17:30

and then i thought

01:17:32

should i stay

01:17:34

because they both are very casual about

01:17:36

it it wasn't like get the [ __ ] out they

01:17:38

were [ __ ] and i was like oh [ __ ] and

01:17:39

they were like let's go it's cool it's

01:17:40

cool it's totally cool and i was just

01:17:42

like sorry and i just left real slow

01:17:47

because i wanted to give them a chance

01:17:48

to be like get over here

01:17:50

do you know but i was like both of these

01:17:52

guys were just too big you know i didn't

01:17:54

want to i have one more i always talk

01:17:56

about the asian sex did you miss the

01:17:58

whole gay part of that

01:18:00

i i got it thank you yeah

01:18:02

it wasn't 2000 i heard it i just wasn't

01:18:05

alarmed by it yes you should you

01:18:07

shouldn't be i wasn't alone either and

01:18:08

you shouldn't be juice yeah and you

01:18:10

shouldn't be

01:18:11

did i tell you about the asian sex party

01:18:13

no no it was right by the comedy store

01:18:16

okay the andes it used to be what was

01:18:18

the hilton

01:18:19

yeah

01:18:20

so you know how you know i love to go to

01:18:21

carnegie

01:18:23

the highest

01:18:24

you know i like to go to cars and get

01:18:25

those gigantic um chocolate hot dogs do

01:18:27

we

01:18:28

right do you remember i used to do that

01:18:30

yeah yeah yeah so they're the the

01:18:31

corners they have these gigantic

01:18:33

chocolate um

01:18:34

bananas i mean right and i used to go to

01:18:37

doc and i used to suck on the thing

01:18:42

yeah that's how i do it right but i used

01:18:44

to get those chocolate things and i was

01:18:45

walking with this chocolate it was like

01:18:46

maybe 12 30 at night right

01:18:49

and there was

01:18:51

200

01:18:52

asian young people all dressed in white

01:18:55

standing outside of the [ __ ]

01:18:58

this hi the hyatt what do you guys think

01:19:01

we're from san francisco we do this like

01:19:03

yearly thing in l.a it's a sex club

01:19:06

oh yeah right and i go oh good good and

01:19:09

they go um come up

01:19:11

i go okay

01:19:14

what

01:19:14

no no i know the story

01:19:16

david told us on this podcast before

01:19:18

well then i want to [ __ ] do that

01:19:20

that's fine tell jews me too because i

01:19:22

don't even know yeah tell them they

01:19:23

haven't heard it okay so they had rented

01:19:25

out this whole floor right and you know

01:19:27

how sometimes hotel rooms have other

01:19:29

doors or just an entrance to the other

01:19:32

hotel room

01:19:34

so all those doors are open all the

01:19:36

doors are open you know i mean on this

01:19:38

[ __ ] thing it was just like you could

01:19:40

just walk into a room yeah right so i'm

01:19:42

walking oh there's two guys i walk into

01:19:44

the room and there's these two girls on

01:19:46

the bed completely naked

01:19:48

i don't know i still have half of the

01:19:49

hot dog

01:19:51

i gotta finish

01:19:52

that before so i just sit there at these

01:19:54

jeans i'm just sitting there just eating

01:19:56

the hot dog

01:19:57

i see them both get up from the [ __ ]

01:19:58

bed and come toward me

01:20:01

one girl starts kissing my

01:20:03

neck

01:20:04

and the other girl starts you know

01:20:06

touching my pee pee toki right and

01:20:08

toki's like thank you thank you thank

01:20:10

you thank you thank you

01:20:12

but i knew at that moment that i was

01:20:13

about to cheat on sarah

01:20:15

and i just something just came over and

01:20:17

i just pushed them aside right and i ran

01:20:21

out still the chocolate hot dog i'm

01:20:23

running out right

01:20:24

i finished it at the store the chocolate

01:20:26

thing yeah

01:20:27

yeah but uh clean from your guilt can i

01:20:30

tell you the funniest part to me about

01:20:32

that

01:20:33

so far is that you they invited you to

01:20:35

the sex party you went up to the rooms

01:20:37

watched the naked girls they came over

01:20:39

to you start kissing you and then you

01:20:41

said

01:20:42

i'm not going to cheat him yeah this is

01:20:44

too far

01:20:45

i wouldn't know what do you mean explain

01:20:47

no no i like this i like this stop hold

01:20:50

back hold back

01:20:51

like if there was some wild sex party

01:20:53

and they invited me i'd be like oh no

01:20:54

i'm in a monogamous relationship yeah

01:20:56

because

01:20:57

hilarious oh she's coming from a woman's

01:20:59

perspective yeah but you're not but

01:21:01

you're not an asian tv star

01:21:03

i'm not an asian tv star i don't want my

01:21:05

let my face thanks for reminding me

01:21:08

number one not even a woman's

01:21:09

perspective it's just a loyal

01:21:11

perspective

01:21:12

shut the [ __ ] up

01:21:18

so what you're saying to me is this you

01:21:20

had so many chances to leave

01:21:24

but

01:21:25

no i want to ask he is showing up to

01:21:28

that and being on the side about

01:21:30

cheating no no to walk into a hotel room

01:21:32

where people are partying knowing it's a

01:21:34

sex party is that cheating to you no

01:21:37

like if you found out that your

01:21:38

boyfriend did that would you be upset

01:21:40

yeah

01:21:42

you'll be upset just on that alone yeah

01:21:45

i'd say we should redefine things

01:21:46

because i've been turning down all these

01:21:48

sex parties

01:21:49

i keep getting invited to all these [ __ ]

01:21:51

parties

01:21:53

yeah it's more of like an equality thing

01:21:55

all right okay okay you want things to

01:21:56

be equal don't you yeah uh but let's

01:21:58

let's have juice uh say goodbye in her

01:22:00

traditional uh paulie shore sign off uh

01:22:03

to take us out

01:22:05

what's up bad friends

01:22:07

thank you

01:22:11

yes what a good episode

01:22:15

[Music]

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